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I’ve started ERP therapy with a really great therapist, and I haven’t gave into my compulsions but I still have anxiety and yesterday my brain was telling me that people were zombies😭 is this normal?

Is it possible to have a huge fear of OCD itself? (OCD about OCD) I’m scared that I’m not perfect and that I’ll go crazy or something like that, that i won’t achieve the life that i want, that im weird bcs of ocd, what other people will think bcs of my ocd, that i will feel like this forever... I try to reassure myself that I don’t have it, but I just want to cry. Everything related to OCD triggers me, and I know these things are also signs of OCD. Is this normal for OCD? Maybe I just need to accept it, I don’t know. I think about this 24/7—some days are better, and I kind of feel like I don’t have OCD, but it always comes back when something triggers me. I also keep asking my parents if they’re sure I don’t have OCD. They tell me I don’t, but it doesn’t help because I know they don’t really understand OCD. So, it’s basically just another obsession, but about OCD. Has anyone dealt with this? I’ve never heard anyone talk about this, so I’m not sure if it’s even a thing.

So hard to not engage the thoughts because even though it's from the "past" (i don't even know if im remembering things correctly and it kills me) and i can't change it, I just NEED to prove it to myself that it didn't happen this way. If you'd asked me questions maybe a few months ago, I would have been able to lucidly explain things. Now I just feel like I'm in a constant swarm of thoughts, not knowing if anything is real. If my brain is to be trusted. Wish I could just get hypnosis to forget

This isn't forever, and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I can't stop hyperfocusing on every little sensation I experience, especially when I have intrusive thoughts. I can't stop holding my my breath or tensing up when I experience them. I know it's a compulsion, but I genuinely feel so unsettled. The physical sensations of anxiety aren't really there. Like, I'm not nauseous, but I just feel... off. I hate my mind, I hate these thoughts. Like, I wish OCD didn't attack every single thing in my life. I'm feeling really gross right now. I haven't been able to cry in so, so long. It's probably due to my meds, but I miss having that emotional release... Just a mini vent. I've been really struggling against the urges to confess/seek reassurance. One more week until my next psychiatrist appointment, but I'm just really frustrated with my brain right now.

Hi came to vent. Sometimes people tell me to stop overthinking and that I need to change that. And I try to give myself grace because I know ocd is real. But then I think “Or am I just lacking accountability?” Because then I hear stuff from people like “you’re just not helping yourself.” Or “you think so negative.” This and that and sometimes I really do feel like it’s just hard, because it feels so automatic… And it hurts my feelings when I’m told that I’m too much, or too negative. Or I need to work on this and that. Then I feel MORE guilt for not being able to accepting criticism well. Because the criticizing voice gets stuck in my head constantly.

I feel guilty for sometimes wishing that bad things weren’t bad. It’s such an OCD-driven thought process—if they weren’t bad, I wouldn’t have to fear them. It’s like wishing morality didn’t exist, just so everything would be acceptable. But then I feel guilty for even thinking that. I don’t think I actually want that, I just want this to be easier. The bad things—violence, pedophilia, incest—need to stay bad. But I’m scared. Scared that my anxiety is the only thing stopping me from doing something terrible. Scared that I don’t actually have morals, just a fear of social judgment. If there were no consequences, no stigma, would I lose control? Would I become someone awful? Do I fear *being* a bad person, or just *being seen* as one? Today was an easier day, but still a hard one.

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.

I’ve been having intrusive thoughts that I am a bad friend. There’s no reason in particular, just this nebulous feeling that I am an overall shitty person and terrible friend. That maybe I haven’t asked how my friends are enough times, did I show them how much I care enough, did I show enough interest in their lives, am I empathetic and compassionate enough, etc.? Another thought is that “it’s no wonder my friends don’t really text me often, who would want to be my friend and have to deal with my anxiety, depression, and ocd.” My dad has told me that I no one would want to be my friend due to my fears of contamination and germs. I’m trying to tell myself they’re just thoughts and that doesn’t make them real, but my anxiety and depression have spiked recently due to my job and I feel like I’m a liability instead of an asset. I’m terrified of ruining people’s lives. However, I know that I am a genuine person who is very compassionate and empathetic and cares a lot about others. I am a volunteer manager and I genuinely care about my volunteers as people, so in emails and conversations, I always ask how they are and that their families are well and I hope they’ve enjoyed their weekend. I have recently learned that that is one of their big complaints about me— they find my “how are yous” and “I hope you are well” to be abrasive and mechanical. My volunteers trigger the anxiety, depression, and OCD. Does anyone have any other tools they use to help with intrusive thoughts? Am I alone in this? I feel so alone.

Hi everyone. I’ve been doing therapy for about two months now and I would say it’s slowly helping me a lot. I explained to her the breathing techniques and “sitting in the anxiety for a bit” and I feel like those are helping. But then my therapist said “don’t sit in the thought because then you might act on it”. I don’t “sit in the thought” but rather i sit in the anxiety to comdition my brain into thinking it’s not a threat. But ever since yesterday, my therapy appointment, I’ve been really shooken up. Even though I don’t “sit in the thought” I feel like a bad person that she even had to bring it up even though I explained it wrong. I’m so upset I feel like I just took 3000 steps back from my progress and this little thing is really scaring me. Am I a bad person? I don’t want to act on any of my thoughts and it scares me so bad I hate living.

What should I do? I already talked to my mom and we worked it out, but OCD won't leave it alone. Here is the situation: OCD is ruining my relationship with my family. Along with my porn addiction, I can't see innocent interactions without malice or wondering if it's appropriate. My mom and sister always had this game of slapping each other's butts, and I always found it funny, but these days I have been feeling uncomfortable about it and asked them to stop. My OCD is trying to convince me that my mom has said me, because one time she said that if she were a boy, she would date me and one time she just blurted out "marry me" I told her I hated that, she apologized and said she didn't mean it and never did it again. A lot of the things she said these days I wonder if they're appropriate, like commenting on my body, it was things like "Your butt is smaller", because I lost a lot of weight. And these days she was talking to my sister and she said that her breasts are growing and my sister was like "I know😝😝" and she poked the side of her breasts and they just laughed. I asked them about it and my sister says that she sees no problem at all. I remember that when I started puberty, my mom would ask to touch my breasts, she never actually touched, but she was afraid cuz when she was in puberty she said her breasts hurt a lot, and she was always like "You are growing so much, they are cute." And I would get sad cuz mine's weren't big as hers. I am spiraling and my mom is the most sweet person in the world, she supports me in EVERYTHING and has always taught me to set boundaries and stand up for myself, she always respected my boundaries and talked to me about delicate things and I always felt comfortable to walk around naked or ask her ANYTHING. But remembering these things are making me question her behavior, when I know she did not mean harm and I notice that 89% of every mom I met, are like her, she is probably like that because that's how she was created, and Honestly, if she did not mean any harm then everything is fine. As I said I didn't felt uncomfortable, but OCD is like "You should feel uncomfortable because that is inappropriate behavior." It's just that I didn't care for those things I even once asked to touch my mother's breasts when I was younger cuz hers were so different and I was like "What?!?!? why are we different?" and she was like "ok" and I stopped to think that I literally used to breastfeed on them and I was " 😮😮" like, I feel bad nowdays but I was curious, and my mom just said "It's okay, but If you did it out of malice then it would be wrong and I would be uncomfy." Now OCD is making me not want to be near my mom when she literally respects my boundaries, I said I didn't want her to do these things again and she agreed without even a second thought.

Background: I'm 17 about to be 18. I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S( which I now cut contact with) months and months ago, I came clean to my boyfriend and he forgave me but that's when this all started. I'm not diagnosed with Ocd yet but jm seeing a local counselor. Now: In the past months I've been having thoughts like " what if I love S" "What if my boyfriend is just a friend to me" "I'd rather S did that * insert sexual thing or normal romantic thing*" " S wouldn't do that" "What if I secretly love S" "I love S" and I kept imagining scenarios with S to test how I'd react physically. These thoughts are there everyday for me 24/7, some days it's worse some it's better but I cry about them everyday because they build up and I just explode. I don't want to have them but they get worse and worse with time and I'm scared they reflect some kind of truth because of my past. I finished to have a crisis now, lasted at least 1 hour and I cried my heart out, my mind was like " I dont want anyone else to touch me like my boyfriend does" but then it said back " I love S" " I want S to do that" ecc ecc, got so bad I need to refocus during sex and I need to see my boyfriends face to be sure it's him because I'm scared S is gonna come into my mind and I'm gonna get turned on for him thing that scares me to death. I had the same with pedo like thoughts, for a while I had to avoid children because I was convinced I was a pedo. This comes and goes but the theme it's most in my mind it's this S theme around my relationship. I love my boyfriend and I don't want any of this, can someone please suggest me what to do?

First post... I ruminate all the time, getting triggered by the smallest things that remind me of terrible events in my life or fears tied to my compulsions. It could be as small as a lawyer looking at my LinkedIn profile and me convincing myself that means I'm getting sued. Or even an article about taxes that makes me spiral into thinking I'm negligent. I could be fine one minute & wonder if I'm making it all up and then cry for two hours the next, cursing people who are neurotypical and wishing I could be like them. I tried talk therapy for two years and now I'm doing NOCD + ERP because I'm pregnant and had to reduce my dose of medication. Pregnancy almost made my OCD mental compulsions worse, and I got diagnosised with MDD, too. Not to mention the skin picking disorder I've had since childhood. It's becoming really hard to be positive despite a daily gratitude journal, walking 5k steps a day, and doing calming yoga with the occasional meditation when things get really bad. I'm trying, I really am. But having three diagnosed disorders makes me feel like I'm set up to fail despite having a wonderful husband and life, plus my coming first baby. It makes me feel like a horrible person when everything around me is seemingly fine but I can't seem to focus enough on the present to appreciate it. I feel so lost about it all and am plagued by guilt and shame. Does anyone else relate?

I have had anxiety episodes on and off for most of my life, and when I was 28 I went to the doctor's and was diagnosed with GAD. I'm currently in therapy as well. But sometimes I wonder if my GAD is actually Pure OCD. One of the main themes of my anxiety at the moment is the fear of death and dying. This is how my thought processes typically work: I'll see someone (eg my parents or other family members), and then I think about their age. If they are old, this sets me thinking morbid thoughts, eg worrying that the person may die within a few years. If they are younger than me, I feel sad that I'll never be that young again. Then it sets me off thinking about how I myself am getting older. Then I worry about how I'll feel when I'm older. For example, I think "when I'm in my 70s or 80s will I be constantly worried about dying?" and "will I be able to enjoy myself when I'm old or will I be too worried?" (Here I'm actually worried that I'll be worried when I'm older - ie I'm worrying about worrying!) I then think how sad/disappointed I'll be if I don't get to do everything I wanted to do during my life. I also worry about what happens when someone dies (in the spiritual sense). I do believe in heaven and spirits, but being a scientifically-minded person I do sometimes get doubts about it, since it is difficult to believe in something when there's not much concrete evidence. The doubts make me feel worse. When I try to ignore these negative morbid thoughts, I then get a nagging feeling saying "doesn't it bother you that you and your loved ones will die one day?" and then the fear starts again. I also sometimes feel guilty about having these morbid thoughts, because it's bad to think about your loved ones dying and yourself dying. It also makes me feel that because I'm so scared of dying, I'm being ungrateful for life. But in reality I am grateful for life and I want to be able to enjoy it without these intrusive negative thoughts. I worry about the speed of time. For example, I can't believe the first 2 months of 2025 are nearly over! I worry "will I get old before I know it?" and "will I be dead and buried before I know it?" Even when there's no specific trigger, I can feel the existential thoughts in the back of my mind all the time, even when I'm doing things I would usually enjoy. I am autistic, and because of that I feel emotionally and mentally younger than my real age, like age dysphoria. All my life, I have felt younger than my real age, even in my childhood and teenage years!

I feel like I’m crazy like I’m so unstable that I don’t deserve anything good in life. That I don’t deserve my bf because I’m too emotional and unwell that he deserves someone who is better than me and who can control their thoughts. I can’t control myself. I’m scared I’ll lose complete control and hurt myself. I’m scared these thoughts will never go away(I know they will) but they won’t leave. I will feel better for 20 mins and then I actually start crying uncontrollably. It’s 1am and I actually cannot help myself I have no idea what to do I just feel so crazy and hopeless. I want someone to hug me and tell me I’ll be okay but no one is with me. I’m alone in a dark room with my orange cat. My bf is in another city rn and I’m having intrusive thoughts about him too. I wish he was here but he’s not coming back until next weekend omg :(

I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately because my intrusive thoughts aren’t causing as much anxiety as they used to. It almost feels like I’m becoming a little numb to them, and because of that, I’m able to engage with them a bit longer. I don’t feel the usual rush of anxiety to pull away, and in some strange way, I even find myself focusing on them for a few seconds, like I’m actively thinking about them. It’s really stressing me out because I feel like by not feeling that immediate discomfort or anxiety, I’m letting the thoughts stay longer or giving them more power. I feel like part of me almost wants them to be there, and I don’t know if that’s a bad sign? They don’t even feel intrusive. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m just worried that the lack of anxiety is the reason I’m interacting more with these thoughts that would normal scare me. I feel guilt about it later. I am currently withdrawing from medication so that may contribute to this but it’s not the first time I experience this :/

Am I the only one who experiences this, or is it more common than I think? Sometimes, I find myself imagining what a couple’s sex life might look like, or what a person’s body might be like. I think it’s driven by curiosity, and I focus on it for a few seconds. When it comes to family members, teenagers, or anyone I feel uncomfortable imagining in this way, I used to be able to shake it off as an intrusive thought. But lately, I can’t seem to let go of it anymore. I’ve become used to the anxiety, but I’m stuck questioning what this means about me, especially since I’ve taken time to think about it. This is really stressing me out because I feel like a pervert. I’m hoping that this is something more common than I realize and that OCD is just distorting something. I feel like I really need some insight here. Any advice?

i’m so scared im going to lose control and end up locked up or something. this is so exhausting!! i worry that what i have isn’t OCD and that im genuinely insane and im gonna end up in big trouble or that the urges i have are going to actually happen. i dont want to think these things ! i feel like a horrible human being!!

Can someone please tell me at what point did you finally accept that it’s OCD? When did the ERP click for you? When did you just stop buying into the lies of OCD and finally let go? Like what does it take. It’s been 2 years of this for me and I’m in ERP currently and it’s just not clicking 😣 is it just me???

Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty