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How can you tell the difference between actual memories and false memory OCD? I try to do this but every time I do it my mind wonders off

2 years ago I worked at a store for only 3 days. It was a family owned business that does a lot of events for wedding showers, baby showers, birthdays etc. I knew of this family from a private school I went to for one year in high school but did not know they owned this family business. I went to school with the daughter who was a couple of years older than me. She was the popular girl in school and is beautiful. Her dad and older sister owns the business and she also works there. The owner hired me because at that time, I was aspiring to become a florist and was making floral arrangements that she was interested in her business. When I had started the job, I was doing outside work. Not floral work that I thought I would be doing. I noticed that me, and two other women were doing all the outside work while everybody else was inside talking and laughing all together at the coffee bar. I thought to myself.. “we are doing the hard work while the family and friends get to have fun.” I got really defensive over it and called my mom. She told me I needed to tell the owner (the oldest daughter who hired me) how I felt…and so I did. But what I wanted to say came out all jumbled and didn’t really make any sense - I couldn’t get my point across because I became so overwhelmed in the moment. The owner started talking down to me.. like if I was a child and that how “everyone has different rolls and positions so some people work outside and some stay inside.” I knew this. But it was the fact that the three of us we were working so hard outside and I come in for one minute and see a group of women having a full on conversation and laughing at the coffee bar doing nothing to help the actual business. Now, I shouldn’t have assumed this, but I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair. I got really upset, picked up my floral arrangements that I had made for them and walked out abruptly. I couldn’t stop thinking over that day. I emailed the owner and said I was sorry for walking out. I got no answer. A few days after, I felt like I needed to return my t-shirts. I folded them neatly and walked in and the beautiful sister I went to school with was at the front desk. I told her I wanted to return these shirts and asked if she could please tell her older sister that I was sorry. I also noted that I had really bad anxiety. She gave me a very uninvited face and said “I will let her know”. I said thank you and walked out. I could feel her watching me leave and felt so bad about myself. 2 years go by and recently, like couple of months ago, I went BACK because all this time I had been thinking about that day. My OCD thinks I constantly need to apologize and that I’m always wrong for my actions. When I walked in, the popular girl I went to school with was there with one of the girls that I originally worked with outside. I asked if I could please talk to her sister. She said “My sister only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” … that day was a Thursday. So I just asked her if she could please tell her sister that I was sorry again. I constantly replay that day. I constantly compare myself to the girl I went to school with. I constantly feel like I did something wrong…. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed they were doing nothing. Maybe I should apologize to the sister again. I can’t even make floral arrangements anymore because I feel that the flowers are associated and contaminated with the store and the people. I loved gardening and because part of the business was a garden or for people to buy plants, I feel like I can’t like flowers or gardening anymore. When I drive past the building I can’t help but think. I think about them all the time. About how much I messed up! I overreacted and maybe I deserved to be talked down to. I constantly compare myself to the girl i went to school with. I convince myself that I constantly need to apologize even tho it was 2 years ago. Even though I know there has been way worse that has happened to me or even to other people, this is the day I can’t get out of my head and I don’t know why. Sometimes, I even convince myself that I have the incident wrong.. like I forgot a big part of the situation and I’m way worse of person in the story than I think I am.. even though I already blame myself for it all. What if that job would have been an amazing opportunity if I just wouldn’t have said anything. Maybe they really were just having a short conversation and headed out when 5 minutes after. I do take medication but sometimes I feel so hopeless and immensely down about life because of this. So many of these unwanted thoughts about these people I really even barely know.. sometimes it’s hard to even think I’m actually living anymore. SO SO sorry this so long.

I have my first therapy apt Monday - looking forward to it! However, I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD. I’m advocating for myself and hoping to figure out what all is going on so I can learn correct coping techniques to get better! I guess I’m writing this to maybe see if anyone can help me understand or can relate!? I had my first panic attack a few months ago! After a few weeks my mind got scared that feeling anxious and stressed out was going to make me become schizophrenic or some insane situation. I somewhat got over that fear after several months of everyday panics about it. Now I’m in a loop and scared everyday that I’m “stuck”. I felt like I was experiencing dereliction and things weren’t real. And my mind takes off with that feeling everyday and feeds me these constant ‘what if’ thoughts and make things seem real. I am worried and in tears off and on everyday. It’s like a tug of war because I know it’s not true but in that same breath I feel like it’s real and true! It’s exhausting and scary! Can anyone relate? Does this sound OCD related? Thanks so much! Hugs to everyone ❤️

Honestly, I relapsed so hard these days. I can´t keep my mind free of intrusive thoughts. My mind always come up with something I did or I think I did that makes me feel Iḿ the worst person ever. I feel super ashamed and guilty. I can´t stand it anymore. Im crying in my bed right now, out of frustration.

Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesn’t stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ❤️

I woke up extremely sad today, sad that I have to live this struggle on a daily basis, having to deal with bad thoughts telling me that I'm a bad person and that I'll never deserve good things. I don't even want to get out of bed, everything hurts. Will I ever have a normal life? Like, will I be able to trust my memories without imagining so many bad possibilities? I know there's a treatment, but so many bad things have happened in my life that I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety.

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

I’m kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly don’t rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy don’t remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But I’m trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said it’s fine don’t worry about it but what if it’s not really fine morally even tho I can’t remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********

i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person

I'm having intrusive traumatic memories of when someone sent a p***phile gif in a telegram group out of nowhere. I was traumatised, I saw something that shouldn't ever exist, I remember condemning him and then leaving the group. It was many years ago. I'm starting to even remember the details, it's traumatic. I wish I could erase this memory. I was a child too and I even forgot this shit happened, a lot of years passed by and I developed pocd and I've been healing from it but I'm just remembering this unsettling and disgusting event just now and I keep having flashbacks of it. I feel guilt. I understand it wasn't my fault but I wish that never happened in my only life; I got marked by this event forever, nothing changes that. How am I supposed to go on with my daily life aware of what happened? It's ingrained in my memory. How can I ever be intimate again? How am I supposed to practice erp with this fucked up stuff? I'm lost. It's too much. Others triggering memories are returning. I wish the victims are doing okay and I hope that those who are responsible, and that person who sent that stuff are burning in hell. Trust your parents when they tell not to chat with strangers at a young age. I learned the hard way and now I'm dealing with the permanent and irreversible consequences.

Hi Everyone! I've had OCD starting at a very young age after my Grandmother had a massive stroke in front of me with me alone at home with her at age 6, a few weeks away from turning 7. She passed away on my 7th birthday. Soon after I struck with a mysterious illness that had the doctors baffled and they thought I may have leukemia. After a month (I really have no concept of time at that age, but my parents say I was in the hospital for a very long time. It began with major health anxiety obsessions and severe weather anxiety obsessions due to natural disaster films being shown in elementary science class. It was so bad, my parents had to request that I be removed during those films, and I was taken into a back room in the school library and made to watch The Dukes of Hazzard. Back in the early 90's, (age 9 or 10 for me) someone made the prediction that a devastating earthquake would cause so much catastrophy and d**th. I began collecting water into old soda bottles and our whole laundry room was filled with these bottles. Those type of obsessions are still prevalent, along with other ones from childhood I haven't mentioned. Today, I am obsessed with the state of our world. Obsessing over all negative things. I live near an airport so I can tell when it's a military jet flying over... by the sound and speed. I have an app on my phone that is a flight radar so when I hear that, no matter the hour, I check the app to see and when I see it was definitely a military jet, I go into major anxiety... "we are at war now..." I watch the news and check the news and other informational podcasts to try to reassure myself, but at the same time, I feel defeated. Like giving up. I've also really let my hygiene go. I feel so disgusting. It's a combo of irrational fear and just emotional and physical exhaustion and sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm not s***idal or harming myself at all. I'm just so depressed. It's just so hard on a daily basis. I can't even leave my house anymore. I'm a recluse for the most part. I went through this in high school and had to be taken out in 11th grade. I just couldn't cope there anymore. Constant anxiety attacks. I do have intrusive thoughts all day, every day. None of the compulsive handwashing, counting... except for certain numbers have to selected for meaningless things, but very real for me. I have no support at home. My friend and boyfriend that I live with escalate matters. I don't think they truly understand my condition. Does anyone else suffer in relationships with friends, family and significant others? This is just a bit of my story. Does this kind of OCD resonate with anyone else in particular? Thank you, if you've read this far. I'm excited to be here. Respectfully, Elizabeth (Liz)

Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do

I was just wondering can OCD switch between two specific themes. Recently my theme had changed from false memories (reassurance) to obsessing over news(Russia and the potential draft) and now it has switched back to my original theme while the new one is still subtext in my mind. Is this common and does anyone have any advice (I’m seeking out NHS talk therapies as don’t have the money for anything else)

Hi, I have so many consequenses that it feels impooasible to describe my near past, specially the last five years where my entire life turned upside down due to the cresensdo in the last part before I got help. I have a hard time believing people will believe me and my story- its so much to rebuild? Anyone who recognize this and have experience?

I am not educated that well with the different types of OCD. But being here opened me up to it all. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts and i can’t stop thinking of those thoughts until i physically feel ill or nauseous. I struggle with getting over things that has hurt me especially when I see the people who have hurt me the flashbacks always come. I am not sure if this is a form of OCD. I just can’t stop thinking of the certain thing and I feel as if I am self sabotaging myself when I have good things in-front of me because my intrusive overthinking thoughts will not stop.

Im constantly being terrorised at night by thoughts like „what if I’m just gonna hurt somebody at night?“/ „what if I wanna act on my thoughts?“/ „what if my thoughts mean I actually want them and am capable of committing them?“ and like this has driven me to lock my room and store my key in Amy wardrobe and having to tape my wardrobe shut so that k can be sure I hadn’t opened my room. I don’t know what to do, does anybody have any good tips? Because it’s always that if I don’t lock them, the next day I’ll wake up being scared tk have hurt sb and that keeps feeding into my false memory obsession that I currently have :/

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

Today I woke up with an intrusive thought of being scared to have hurt my dog when I was last downstairs. Then I went through everything that I remembered from the night to prove that everything was always alright. But then suddenly I got the intrusive thought „what if I had hurt my little sister when k woke up one time at 4 am?“ and like, before this thought I remembered everything from 4 am really clearly. I woke up bc of noise coming from outside of my room and thought that it might already be 6 am so I looked at the clock to realise it wasn’t. I then realised that it wasn’t 6 am yet and then I don’t know what exactly had happened but at some point my AirPods were next to me and I was looking for their case to charge them but saw it was on the table and I was too lazy to get up so I just let them stay there. I was still hearing the noise which was my little sister crying bc she probably felt ill idk. My mother was there. I know that my little sister had been in my mothers room all the time basically. And then I went back to sleep. I can’t remember anything else after that anymore, probably bc I was sleeping. But I keep being like „but what if my mother had brought my little sister to her room and I hurt her then?“ and like idk if this even makes sense at all bc my mother has like this camera thing whenever she’s not in the same room as my little sister and has it on full volume. This only just now, after hours of ruminating, clicked in my head. Like, she def would’ve heard if I had hurt her right? And from what I remember, she had spent the entire night in my mums room anyway. Like I genuinely don’t remember standing up, nothing. But even when I resist ruminating, the thought won’t leave me. Like it’s this pitch in my stomach. This pitch telling me „what if it’s true though? Why do you not feel bad? What if it’s actually real and you really forgot doing this and now those are your memories and you don’t even feel bad abt it? Would you live with the thought having done this? Are you capable of doing this?“ and it won’t leave me. Like it makes me feel as it this is actually a real memory. But I didn’t remember this even when I got the thought. Like it’s all powered by „what if“s. I keep being told that not ruminating will give a sense of logic back but no matter how many times I’m like „yea no don’t ruminate, later you will have your logic back and you’ll be able to think abt this as irrational“ but it feels as if I’m further away from the truth than I was the first time I replayed my memories. It’s as if ruminating completely messed up my memories. I don’t know anymore, this feeling is making me doubt whether it’s not actually true deep down and I just lost control over myself at night. Like I remembered the night so well the first time I was replaying it. Had No doubts over this. Maybe if this thought won’t leave I’ll ask my mother but I don’t want to distress her but at the same time I just need to know. I generally always wake up with such fears. One time I was scared to have lost control over my brain at night and if I had just watched illegal videos and forgot abt it (turned out wrong of course after checking my screen time so), then 188273 times I was scared to have hurt my dog and now this. Like I think she was with my mother but now I’m not sure anymore. By now I’m yet again back at having to lock my door at night to make sure I don’t have to worry abt hurting others.

Hii! I hesitated before posting this but here I am.. Ocd are a living hell rn to me. I barely eat or sleep anymore because of it, I’m just scared of everything, ruminations are here every night leading to panic attacks, sh, psychosis,.. it’s like « what if I’m/or do something bad, what if I did something wrong and I don’t remember,.. I store my studies because of all of this..I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired of compulsions and everything I have more ocd but rn it’s the most debilitating for me, if someone have experienced the same things or just have tips I take it!