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working to conquer OCD
I just came across a news article and it said a mom pushed her baby off a counter on purpose and it was caught on tape. It was disturbing to see fr and itās making me panic because I babysit a lot, what if I did that to my nieces or what if I would do that to my nieces š I hate OCD so much.
I downloaded this app yesterday hoping to find a bit of comfort among other people struggling with the same things. Iām really scared to post but Iām trying anyway. I have two really bad intrusive thoughts that make my life very difficult. One is this intrusive memory of when I was dog sitting when I 14. I was impatient so I pulled on the dogs leash (as his owner said I could tug on it and he would come). But he didnāt move and think I pulled way too hard and Iāve been wracked with guilt. This was 5 years ago and it still haunts me. I can hear the dog coughing and I think it was from me pulling too hard. About 6 months later he passed away and I fear greatly that something i did caused it even though he was old. In my head I wonder if Iām a truly evil person to hurt something smaller and less powerful than me. I didnt intend to hurt him but I worry I hurt him more than I know. It haunts me. I go over and over the memory in my head with seeing which parts are really, wondering if Iām evil. I also deal with POCD. I am in college currently but I feel like Iāve aged ten years since the onset of my symptoms. Itās taken my joy and innocence from me. I just want to live a good life and be a good person but my brain is malfunctioning. In addition I am frustrated bc my psychiatrist did not diagnose me with OCD but said all my symptom were due to GAD even though I meet all of the requirements including cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions( though mine are mostly mental). Itās difficult not having an official name for what I going through.
Hello everyone, I just started going to the university psychologist and she told me she is going to test me about having anxiety and stuff but I havenāt told her that I think I may have ocd and that I want her to tell me if the possibility is real and that I have ocd or not. I didnāt tell her because it was my first session and I donāt trust her enough for me to open and really talk about what is happening to me The issue is that, everyday I think i do better but then my mind thinks/ says/ makes me feel like something happened and I just didnāt realize, but the feeling is there On my session I met her and she met me, and at one point I told her that I have intrusive thoughts and the feeling that I have hurt people without realizing, but not remembering it, not feeling it, and she told me that intrusive thoughts are intrusive! Opposite to who I am, and that I shouldnāt be worrying about accidentally hurting people when I know deep inside I didnāt, and that if they get mad for nothing is their problem, not mine The issue is that, idk if someone else struggles with this but my real/false memories are not about ānot remembering having told horrible things to your best friend two years agoā are about, āphysically having hurt someone two seconds ago when I stretched my hand, even though I didnāt feel the hitting, I asked them if I got them hit and they said no, and that is impossible to my hand to reach the person because there is two meters of difference between usā Or maybe, another situation to example my fear Letās say that someone is on the corner of a room. I enter the room and sit in the other opposite corner of the room, while I sit a vivid image of me traveling to the other corner of the room and slapping the person pops in my head and now Iām convinced that I hit the person even though I donāt remember standing up from the chair, walking to the corner and slapping the person, there is just the mental image and the feeling that I did it that convinces me that I did that and now Iām ashamed to the person I supposedly hit and I canāt look them into their eyes Idk if I explained myself (English is not my maternal language) but I really, really donāt know if someone is having the same āintrusive false memoriesā that are immediately and that makes you have 0 trust in your senses
For context. I was on an NSFW discord server. There was optional age verification but i would only message women who were verified. I messaged this girl whose DM's were open... we talked before she asked me my age first. I said I was 20 (which was true) to which she immediately responded that she was 18. We talked about why we were on the discord server and had playful banter. I then asked her when she was born because I wanted to make sure she was consistent with her age. She misunderstood the question at first and said she was born in Colombia. I then asked her for the date she was born on. At 5 AM when I was asleep, she said "13š", before reaffirming her age as 18 approximately 8 minutes after... does this indicate if she was lying about her age...?
Feel my ocd is getting worse. Lately feel paranoid sometimes. Guy pulls up to gas his car up at the pump I was using, there was an open pump but heās behind me Iām just about done. His buddy was doing something by another pump he gave him a honk he came back over to talk. They were foreign. I started to feel like they were doing something and now itās what Iām thinking about. The paranoia feeling is bad and then thinking about it. Can OCD do thatā¦..
Where shall I go therapist or police, Iām convinced I raped somebody but nothings came of it
I feel I r*ped someone so people felt sorry for me, what is wrong with me
I was just confronted by a personal trainer at the gym. I think heās dating the front desk girl. Which Iāve had many conversations with her. I assumed we were on friendly terms, on Friday, she was in a particularly foul mood. I asked her if she was OK, And I tried to make a joke about racing her on the treadmills before I left for the day. The one next to her hoping to get her to laugh. It didnāt work. She stayed pissed the whole time. Anyway, tonight at the gym, I was approached by her angry personal trainer boyfriend. He was so pissed off. He seemed to be shaking. Iām 6ā2ā. This guys is about 6ā8ā and Jacked. He claimed that I was using his girlfriendās name and making her feel uncomfortable. I explained that I was just having a friendly conversation with her and he wasnāt having it. He told me I needed to talk to her about it. I used it as ERP. I was determined to not let it keep me up tonight. I have difficulty sleeping when I canāt let things go, like this. Iām extremely extroverted and like talking to people. But, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So this type of thing triggers the heck out of me. I made sure not to confront them until my suds levels dropped. I was definitely disappointed when she made up the part about me following her around. Iām trying to not to let ERP get out of hand. I get myself in trouble with therapy homework. Sometimes I feel stuck for days. Iām tempted to report them to management but Iām worried Iāll get kicked out of the gym for it. Im happily married with kids, I have no interest in her whatsoever. Itās disappointing when women try to get their boyfriends to fight me, itās happened a few times. Not sure how to handle it, I just wanted to get it off my chest.
I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content tooā¦ (when i was 14, and 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watchā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or formā¦ The explicit anime characters looked and were really youngā¦ and i avoided most of the contentā¦ but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of viewsā¦ I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it representedā¦ I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of viewsā¦ i didnt know that this content was or what it representedā¦ but doing my research made me gag and pukeā¦ i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or formā¦ they were anime characters that looked extremely youngā¦ i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it representedā¦ When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...
i think whatās keeping me from getting better is that it feels too real and i desperately feel like i need to get rid of the thoughts and prove them wrong so i donāt become them, but like, it never made me feel better. and i saw a lot of stuff on reddit with people who are miserable because they didnāt try or get treatment and it makes me want to change so i donāt become like those people on reddit. reddit in total is so triggering and negative and so many cynics and losers spend all their time there and now i think im ready to just not become that. so im gonna try. as im writing this the thoughts are bombarding me telling me that im wrong or im in denial and these thoughts are the truth and i am lying to myself. but i know ocds tricks and im ready to feel better. ima have hope.
My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess itās a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didnāt have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled āYou!ā. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? šŖ. I donāt want to live thinking I could have done something so horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd brings it back up and tells me maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just donāt remember. People without ocd probably wouldnāt think much about these kinds of situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes me believe I did something horrible and makes me hate myself and living. š
Iām crying as Iām typing this and drinking because my ocd has convinced me I raped my friend 5 times. She doesnāt believe me. Itās because she was asleep for 4 out of the 5 times and itās killing me. Itās strangling me that I mightāve done these heinous acts. I feel sick to my stomach. Iām scared Iām so scared because I DONT WANT TO RAPE ANYONE. And my brain is telling me I did it and I believe my brain I believe it I believe it happened and Iām scared Iām so scared please please please help me Iām so scared
How can you tell the difference between actual memories and false memory OCD? I try to do this but every time I do it my mind wonders off
2 years ago I worked at a store for only 3 days. It was a family owned business that does a lot of events for wedding showers, baby showers, birthdays etc. I knew of this family from a private school I went to for one year in high school but did not know they owned this family business. I went to school with the daughter who was a couple of years older than me. She was the popular girl in school and is beautiful. Her dad and older sister owns the business and she also works there. The owner hired me because at that time, I was aspiring to become a florist and was making floral arrangements that she was interested in her business. When I had started the job, I was doing outside work. Not floral work that I thought I would be doing. I noticed that me, and two other women were doing all the outside work while everybody else was inside talking and laughing all together at the coffee bar. I thought to myself.. āwe are doing the hard work while the family and friends get to have fun.ā I got really defensive over it and called my mom. She told me I needed to tell the owner (the oldest daughter who hired me) how I feltā¦and so I did. But what I wanted to say came out all jumbled and didnāt really make any sense - I couldnāt get my point across because I became so overwhelmed in the moment. The owner started talking down to me.. like if I was a child and that how āeveryone has different rolls and positions so some people work outside and some stay inside.ā I knew this. But it was the fact that the three of us we were working so hard outside and I come in for one minute and see a group of women having a full on conversation and laughing at the coffee bar doing nothing to help the actual business. Now, I shouldnāt have assumed this, but I couldnāt help but think it wasnāt fair. I got really upset, picked up my floral arrangements that I had made for them and walked out abruptly. I couldnāt stop thinking over that day. I emailed the owner and said I was sorry for walking out. I got no answer. A few days after, I felt like I needed to return my t-shirts. I folded them neatly and walked in and the beautiful sister I went to school with was at the front desk. I told her I wanted to return these shirts and asked if she could please tell her older sister that I was sorry. I also noted that I had really bad anxiety. She gave me a very uninvited face and said āI will let her knowā. I said thank you and walked out. I could feel her watching me leave and felt so bad about myself. 2 years go by and recently, like couple of months ago, I went BACK because all this time I had been thinking about that day. My OCD thinks I constantly need to apologize and that Iām always wrong for my actions. When I walked in, the popular girl I went to school with was there with one of the girls that I originally worked with outside. I asked if I could please talk to her sister. She said āMy sister only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.ā ā¦ that day was a Thursday. So I just asked her if she could please tell her sister that I was sorry again. I constantly replay that day. I constantly compare myself to the girl I went to school with. I constantly feel like I did something wrongā¦. Maybe I shouldnāt have assumed they were doing nothing. Maybe I should apologize to the sister again. I canāt even make floral arrangements anymore because I feel that the flowers are associated and contaminated with the store and the people. I loved gardening and because part of the business was a garden or for people to buy plants, I feel like I canāt like flowers or gardening anymore. When I drive past the building I canāt help but think. I think about them all the time. About how much I messed up! I overreacted and maybe I deserved to be talked down to. I constantly compare myself to the girl i went to school with. I convince myself that I constantly need to apologize even tho it was 2 years ago. Even though I know there has been way worse that has happened to me or even to other people, this is the day I canāt get out of my head and I donāt know why. Sometimes, I even convince myself that I have the incident wrong.. like I forgot a big part of the situation and Iām way worse of person in the story than I think I am.. even though I already blame myself for it all. What if that job would have been an amazing opportunity if I just wouldnāt have said anything. Maybe they really were just having a short conversation and headed out when 5 minutes after. I do take medication but sometimes I feel so hopeless and immensely down about life because of this. So many of these unwanted thoughts about these people I really even barely know.. sometimes itās hard to even think Iām actually living anymore. SO SO sorry this so long.
I have my first therapy apt Monday - looking forward to it! However, Iāve never been diagnosed with OCD. Iām advocating for myself and hoping to figure out what all is going on so I can learn correct coping techniques to get better! I guess Iām writing this to maybe see if anyone can help me understand or can relate!? I had my first panic attack a few months ago! After a few weeks my mind got scared that feeling anxious and stressed out was going to make me become schizophrenic or some insane situation. I somewhat got over that fear after several months of everyday panics about it. Now Iām in a loop and scared everyday that Iām āstuckā. I felt like I was experiencing dereliction and things werenāt real. And my mind takes off with that feeling everyday and feeds me these constant āwhat ifā thoughts and make things seem real. I am worried and in tears off and on everyday. Itās like a tug of war because I know itās not true but in that same breath I feel like itās real and true! Itās exhausting and scary! Can anyone relate? Does this sound OCD related? Thanks so much! Hugs to everyone ā¤ļø
Honestly, I relapsed so hard these days. I canĀ“t keep my mind free of intrusive thoughts. My mind always come up with something I did or I think I did that makes me feel Iįøæ the worst person ever. I feel super ashamed and guilty. I canĀ“t stand it anymore. Im crying in my bed right now, out of frustration.
Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesnāt stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ā¤ļø
I woke up extremely sad today, sad that I have to live this struggle on a daily basis, having to deal with bad thoughts telling me that I'm a bad person and that I'll never deserve good things. I don't even want to get out of bed, everything hurts. Will I ever have a normal life? Like, will I be able to trust my memories without imagining so many bad possibilities? I know there's a treatment, but so many bad things have happened in my life that I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety.
sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying šš I hate that we are all suffering like thisā¦ ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating š Im really tired honestlyā¦ my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these āsignsā as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset ššš I dont want to live like this foreverā¦ I have a lot of people who say, āyou can talk to me if you wantā and its really sweet š but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cantā¦ I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are š ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl ššš how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesnāt even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help šš I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let meā¦ Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.
Iām kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly donāt rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy donāt remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But Iām trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said itās fine donāt worry about it but what if itās not really fine morally even tho I canāt remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********
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