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I can’t be helped, from making mistakes to what I’ve think I’ve done, I don’t even care what happens to me anymore I guess my brain and memories are the truth so I should be locked up for a while with rape as I think I done it intoxicated

Ok so a couple of days ago I went to the mall after school and while on my way a little girl walked on the sidewalk on the other side of the road. I immediately started to kind of panic. At some point I didn’t see her anymore bc she walked into the opposite direction. I also had people behind me and some people in front of me. And I KNOW I walked only on my sidewalk bc I obviously didn’t want to do anything and I remember that I didn’t do anything. But now I’m doubting that. Even tho I know I didn’t even cross the road. And people were behind me.

I have real event OCD as well as scrupulous OCD A couple years ago I was hanging out with my friend and he had a girlfriend at the time. He kissed me and I didn’t stop him but I didn’t really want to do it I just have a fear of setting boundaries due to past trauma. In an effort to say no he was about to have sex with me and I said I didn’t want to have sex without a condom but he did anyways. I felt really gross and violated afterwards and I told some friends what happened they said it was SA but now I’m convinced that I actually wanted it the whole time and I’m putting the blame on him so I don’t have to cope with the idea that I homewrecked a relationship and now have convinced myself I have NPD. I hate this

Hi, I’ve always had OCD, but it was very manageable. I’d obsess over something not being clean or in the right place, but I’d be able to redirect quickly and move on from the thought. After my Mom died in 2015 and I had my first child, I started to have intreusive thoughts. I’d replay her death over and over and wonder where her soul was or if she was okay. It kept me up all night and turned into insomnia. I was put back on Lexapro at a high dose and a sleep med and anti anxiety med were added. It seemed to help for a while until til I started to get adverse side effects from all the drugs. About 16 months ago, I started to wean off. The tapering process has been horrendous and I have had every symptom in the book , the worst being bulletproof insomnia and extreme irritability. I feel like I’m reverting back to the intrusive thoughts, but ten times worse. I keep thinking that I will never sleep again and that my life is ruined because of the long term use of meds. I’m not even off all the meds yet, but I keep playing the worst case scores over and over in my head. How do I get through this tapering process especially the obsessing about sleep and health?

This is my first time posting here. At the beginning of this year, I started obsessing over an event that happened two years ago, which then led me to obsess over events from seven years ago. I'm certain those events happened, but now I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or if I truly did something unforgivable. After reading someone's real event, I had a disturbing memory of doing something the exact same thing. It's the first time I've ever had this memory, and the problem is, I can't remember if it actually occurred. Every time I think about it, the details change, leaving me with no concrete answer. I've searched through all my pictures, messages, and memories, trying to pinpoint if and when it happened. Ultimately, I know I can't change the past, and even if it did happen, there's nothing I can do about it now, but it haunts me every day. If I did do this, I feel undeserving of anything good in this world. It's affecting my relationships and work, and I fear that if I accept it as false, it might resurface later, potentially ruining my life. I've always condemned this act, but maybe I myself did it as a teenager and either forgot or chose to forget.

Trying to remember a night out that I was intoxicated but remembering it backwards and visualising it all, it’s driving me crazy and don’t know my brain feels blocked and about to bust

My real event OCD has mostly gotten better over the past year. I've come to terms with my events and even though sometimes they make me anxious, I don't have as visceral of a reaction as I used to and im learning to accept that they happened. But sometimes it the thought still hits me that my family wouldn't love me if they knew, my friends wouldn't love me if I knew. I'll never be able to have a romantic partner if anyone knew what I did. That im morally a bad person if I don't tell people. Etc. My event was having unfiltered internet access as a kid and getting exposed to bad fictional porn. Basically having seen a lot of problematic NSFW fiction, mainly feral furry stuff. Its been over a year since I realized how bad that was and stopped. I'm not into animals or anything, was just groomed by an unsafe internet as a kid and it took me a long time to realize that stuff wasnt normal. My biggest shame is that it took me until adulthood to realize. Still, I know not everyone would be understanding of this and think I'm a freak or a z**phile. It sucks because I feel like I need to compulsively confess or else nobody knows the real me or they don't love the real me, and that im hiding that I'm a horrible person. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with these thoughts?

All my days are pretty much consumed by real events I obsess with. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to lose my life, but I’m also tired of living like this.

I hate that I get over one thing then my brain moves into the next thing to be upset about and I feel like this one is the worst thing to be obsessing over. Eugh. I feel evil and gross and I feel like ppl will think I’m a threat and I don’t want ppl to think of me that way. I’d never hurt anyone or want to ever But I’m trying to get through the day and survive. AS HORRIBLLY CHEESY AS THAT SOUNDS ITS TRUE I JUST WANNA BE OK😭 does anyone know how to move on from these feelings especially when it’s stuff from the past. I want to move on from and live now but I’m so scared to move because what if ppl find out? And they’ll think I don’t care because I’m not actively feeling ugly about it like I do now and literally all the time. I feel so horrible for even saying that too much guilt. Anyone have help ideas? Advice? Words? Idk I feel dizzy af with my emotions rn sorry if this didn’t make sense.

So I've realized a couple things about myself. I don't think I was every great at socializing. I don't know what made me act the way I did with socializing at certain times when I was a kid, but I still kind of do it now. I'll blurt out noises or words here and there, but most times I'm pretty decent with talking with people. In the last though, I was bullied. I remember being picked on a bit by someone in the second grade, 6th grade, and definitely in high school. Some teachers I think have left a negative impact on my self esteem as well. Some of them were very unfair and very critical of their judgement. I hated my teen years and hated high school. I often don't recall memories in full of that time which is probably due to my mind doing its best to block out most things that happened. I remembered the students that didn't treat me fairly and I knew that some of them probably thought very low of me. There were times where I stood up for myself but most of the time I kept to myself and didn't really find my footing until my senior year. I found a friend group, and I got better with grades. Just when it was actually getting somewhere, I was no longer a high school student and graduated. There were definitely fun moments in school for sure. A lot of them. But, I latch onto the negative ones more than the positive ones. I honestly don't know why I do this, but I know my self confidence and self esteem are low. It's not because of my parents or my family. It's because of how I handled things in school along with how well I was able to socialize with other people. I made another post talking about socializing and how people can just be so good at it. Always knowing what to say to start a conversation and whatnot. I don't understand how that can be but I would like to learn all of it.

Ive been doing great for months but since yesterday have been having intense obsessive thoughts about global Politics and war for no reason. I think it will pass but it is hard...

Is it possible to go a whole 6 years of your life completely normal and then suddenly have an intrusive thought that you may have harmed someone yearsss ago? And upon looking for ‘evidence’ of this event you start to find things that add up, and then get paranoid it’s real when you don’t think it is? Some things add up , some things don’t.. This thought may be getting mixed with other real events honestly I don’t know anymore, but I think maybe checking myself into a ward might be my only solution.

I can’t carry on with this feeling of doing something (rape) intoxicated, it’s gone on for months and just think I done it all, my life’s ruined

What makes me feel the craziest, is that I feel like I know enough thanks to my having to research and Google everything..... like, I'm a sophomore in college... I am majoring in Psychology. Because the human mind (like mine) is so interesting. So like, I will talk to myself. Quietly with my thoughts AND even out loud. What trips me out is that I Swear that I have full therapy sessions with myself. I know my OCD is the cause of me having to keep questioning myself and trying to figure out why I'm this way and how to get better and what can I do to end this hell I live in inside my mind. I have made note of being able to provide myself with suggestions and advice and info on things to do that can help counter and deal with my OCD to where i can be more functional. It really pulls me into an intense standstill Because it's like I know the answer and I know what I need to do... but I have to always end it with how i must not care how insane and crazy I am because if I know what I can do to help manage and keep my OCD at ease, then why can't I? It pulls me into this spiral where I then question what I know. Or if I have some sort of split personality. I'm always checking and researching things that I already know, just so I can find reassurance. I will ask Alexa stupid questions I know the answer to, like "whats the definition of _____" when I know what the meaning is, but I want to make sure. I'm always feeling as if I could be wrong in everything I think I know.... I get stuck for hours replaying events and situations or something said or done and try to think of every possible reason why, or possible outcomes. I can not communicate effectively because I sound crazy to myself, how is the other person thinking I'm normal? I get lost and stuck for hours in my own head... "circling" as i call it, or what I recently read as a ping pong game. My best friend committed suicide in 2019, by "hanging" to where I became obsessed with suicide, learning all about hanging to where I know things like short-drop and either you suffer or just pass out. Not just that but then I want to know how she was in her last moments. (I would hope she just passed out... I hate knowing she was in any pain). This lead me to become obsessed with the spirit world and started doing spirit box sessions again because I want to talk to her. (Which has me confused between I know I might hear some things because I want to... but also feel that because of that, I need clear responses). I am just in constant battle with my own self. I'm always fighting my own self. I'm my own worst enemy... but my own friend and therapist and teacher and etc. This is really really difficult. And I hope I am not alone in this. I don't even know exactly what subtypes and themes i deal with because there's many, and because everything has to be exactly what it's supposed to be, that if one "trait" doesn't fall under that category, that there must be something I am missing. This is exhausting 😞

I can't enjoy anything today because I'm not only stuck in the past with things I wish didn't happen to me and that I'm having trouble being kind to myself in general. Porn destroyed my teenage years and it's affecting my young adult years now. I look back on everything and just think I'm disgusting for it. Some days like these I just can't shake the guilt or the shame. They just hit me full force.

I feel the right thing to do is own upto my rape memory/thought, It was when I was intoxicated and walking home on my own I feel I grabbed someone and committed an awful act on them. What shall I do

Can anyone give any advice please IS IT POSSIBLE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVEN’T DONE? HOW CAN A THOUGHT/FEELING SEEM SO REAL IF ITS NOT REAL? When you have thoughts/think that you have done something bad in the past to someone ,but you are sure you haven’t and never would. One minute you say to yourself no I would never do such a thing and then you say what if you did as the feelings/thoughts feel so real. The thoughts/feelings sometimes are so convincing you have done something to someone but you truly believe you haven’t , you even question what if there is proof of this happening like recordings and that’s where the constant checking starts. Is this false memory or is it something else?

Still new to learning about my OCD. Learning relationship OCD is something I have lived with from a very young age. I am also finding my triggers are more so now that I have adult problems (real life issues), financials, kids, marriage, all the adulting crap lol. My first question I guess would be has anyone ever found, if their obsessions were getting more prominent in life, did you find you were experiencing more compulsions than normal and new compulsions? I feel like I need my home tidy and clean to help keep my head clean of one of my many mom chores so I can focus on other things. If that made any sense. Also, does anyone find help and a little mental peace (especially with a toddler and 11 year old also with adhd and NVLD) using “plant medicine” 🍃? Is that the wrong direction?

When i was younger in my twenties especially i did some things i really feel guilty of.. I have false memories of things but some things i think happened and they go against my values... I cant stop feeling guilty and thinking im a bad person.. I wish i could turn back time but i cant... I ruminate all the time and i get trigered by a Million things...

Sorry in advance for the long post. I had a conversation with my mother a while ago, where she was trying to help me with something that could either be false memory or real event (at the time I thought it was completely real and didn’t want to even think about the possibility of it not being real because “that would be cheating and would make me a horrible person” but in hindsight there is a possibility it’s false) and anyways, that wasn’t the point. I was talking to my mom, and she made a comparison to a character I really loved, by saying “well this character probably does cuz’ and you still really like him” which made me spiral even further because that character would never ever do what she said and I didn’t want to think about that character doing that, and what she gave an example of was way worse than what might’ve happened with me. But I got over it. (My mother ended up telling me that, no, she doesn’t believe that character would actually do that, she was just trying to make me feel better/ find something to relate to or hold on to) but now I’m obsessing over the fact that her example was worse than my memory, and the fact that she thought that would make me feel better. The current thoughts are “does she really think I’m that level of scum?” And “if she thinks that you are equal to that character doing THAT, then what you might’ve done is just as bad”. And I really don’t know what to do because on some level I think I agree a tiny bit.