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the NOCD Community

i was with my gf yesterday, we held hands when walking, she even sat on me at one point but i never got a boner is this normal? i always used to get boners in situations like this before

I have SO-OCD and I’ve been doing really well and making progress but I’m tired of the repetitive thoughts some are truthful and some aren’t I have more that aren’t or a truth that is being twisted around. Anybody have any good ways to stop the repetitive thoughts?

so ive accepted the typical "what if i dont love my partner" part (even tho it still bothers me) but i think it stems from me not "feeling" emotions sometimes. like i dont feel super obsessed or those chest feelings when your so in love, but i KNOW that i love them. but because i dont have the physical sensations i question it so much?

Anyone else exhausted after playing happy girl all day in work and as soon as you leave you’re analysing every conversation you had and how you reacted and the expressions you made and making them seem bigger than they are? In terms of ROCD I analyse every way I acted towards a male and it’s exhausting. My mind tells me I’m flirting with everyone

i’m very aware that one of my main compulsions is confessing/seeking repentance, specifically from my boyfriend. however i can never seem to get past this one specific event from my past. to sum it up, i remember while having me time (if yk what i mean) i kept having random ppl that i know in my daily life popping into my head and sexual images of them kept coming in as well. i felt like i couldn’t fully control it which makes me think it was OCD and i didn’t know it at the time. however, a specific person that kept coming to mind is now standing out to me. i would be lying if i said he was not an attractive person, but i would never in a million years actually want to be with him in any way. i love my boyfriend with every fiber in me and i am confident i would never do anything to jeopardize that. the thing is that since i know i found him attractive at the time i am struggling with my intentions behind those thoughts i was having about him. although its out of character i wonder if it was real thoughts and not just intrusive. it feels like a cycle of me trying to figure it out and i feel so incredibly guilty at times over it that i feel as though i should confess this to my boyfriend. this happened over a year ago and this person is no longer even in my life but i still can’t shake it. is this something i would need to confess to him or is it just my OCD taking? also, something that feeds into my obsessing over this is that i remember distinctly trying to make sure i looked okay when i was around this person in the past. not in a way that i wanted him, but just that i didn’t want him to think i was ugly or anything. i don’t think this is uncommon to want to look good in front of an attractive person, but at the same time i wonder if i was seeking attention for the wrong reasons or something. it’s just so conflicting bc it’s very out of character for me.

I keep on wondering if I really love my partner. I have been doubting from the beginning and it has been 3 years ! I’m tired of this and so is my partner. I just want to love him, stop worrying and just be happy with him. I just always have this feeling that something is not right and that I should feel more intense feelings or I should not feel or think certain things.

I have suffered with HOCD for over four years. Even though my compulsions have decreased, I still have zero libido which is making me doubt everything. I feel like I am asexual and I’m just tired of living this way. I t hurts my heart that one tiny little thing (OCD) has completely destroyed my life and I feel like there is no way out of this. I’ve done ERP therapy, still no sex drive. I now feel so scared when I imagine myself in a relationship and I don’t know if that scared feeling is truly me or my OCD. I am totally hopeless. I don’t see myself ever getting married, having a boyfriend, or ever having a crush again. I don’t want to live my life like this, this isn’t living. I had so many plans for my future but now it seems like I’ll never reach them because of this burden.

My fiancée and I are planning a wedding and up until recently I haven’t had any “cold feet” or doubt, but now that the wedding is getting closer and closer I’m feeling very anxious about if he’s “the one.” I love him so deeply but I think the permanence of marriage is scaring me. Like I would spend my whole life with him but now that there’s a label on it I’m freaked out?? He’s done nothing to cause this either. He’s an amazing beautiful lovely soul that I would LOVE to spend my life with. I just can’t get over the ruminating part of it. :( I wish I didn’t feel like this. I’ve posted about my ROC before and have posted one during this engagement process. it comes and goes but I’m just feeling very sad that it’s ruining this period of time for me.

So I posted a little while ago about my testing of being trans (MTF) and going by she/they in my closer circles. Now this is all well and good but I’m continually questioning whether my experience is real. I stoped wearing masculine underwear because it doesn’t feel right but I don’t know if that’s a compulsion or if I genuinely don’t feel at home being a man anymore (I’ve told my friends that he/him is no longer he/home). I’ve been going by any pronouns for a few months and like when someone calls me a guy I feel weird but also being called by she/they is still weird and so it’s also uncomfortable, especially because I’m so incredibly masc passing (I’m a bigger hairy individual). According to people around me when I talk about being trans I get nervous and excited In a good way? But also especially with how society is nowadays (USA) being trans is also terrifying. The other thing is like I lean toward playing masculine characters in like dnd and games. Idk it’s definitely scary and strange and I’m just trying to figure it all out. I feel like when I’m around my gf I’m a lot more comfortable being her girlfriend (which my ROCD also has gone a little hog wild recently because I continually interpret me being content in the relationship as me not caring and the minute that happens I think of my last relationship and how the end of it was everything I did being obligation not because I wanted to and I fear getting to that point) Outside of that context I’m like “I’m your boyfriend yup that’s it not a girl she/they feels weird” and like I’m still very comfortable in masculine spaces and (this could be internalized transphobia from my parents as well as some OCD) that if I’m in a feminine space I’m just gonna get horny or something and make everyone else in there and myself uncomfortable and then feel guilty for “faking” this and feeling any of that, because a part of me has had some SOOCD and like scared I’m not into my gf or women in general even though I know I am (I’m Bi) because I don’t get like an instant erection being around her anymore, but getting a boner in my underwear around a bunch of cis women just sounds embarrassing. A good move is probably to go see a gender therapist and figure this all out. Sorry this was just a run on rambling mess but yeah that’s my thoughts. Any other trans folks in here wanna help out and share their experiences?

Does anyone else catastrophize any little flaw that they don’t quite like about their partner?? There are things that my partner does from time to time that are weird and sometimes a turn off, and when I notice those quirky things he does I start to spiral because if those things bug me or turn me off slightly then maybe I don’t like him and I need to leave. I couldn’t even begin to try and explain the goofy behaviour because it’s so mundane and unimportant. It’s literally just Him being himself, and being quirky and different, and he’s a little more nerdy and awkward. And it hurts me so much because he is so amazing, but I catastrophize these flaws into automatic major deal breakers because they feel like “icks”. Idk what to do. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m not going to find a single person on the face of this earth that will be perfect. There isn’t someone that I will like everything about. Does anyone else relate or am I going crazy?

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Hi everyone, I felt a strong need to post and say this. I used to struggle with severe and debilitating OCD for about two years of my life. I’ve always tended to have obsessive tendencies, but 2 years ago it got severe and I was drowning. My OCD affected my relationships (family, friendships, boyfriend) etc. I mean i’ve had pretty much every “theme” imaginable. I just want to let you know that there is more hope than you could ever imagine. I no longer have disordered anxiety nor struggle with ocd. I have never taken any medications and have only done therapy once for a few months over a year ago. You have every single tool within you already to beat ocd because it’s so much smaller than you could ever imagine. I know you’re probably waiting to hear how I healed myself so here it is, I left it in God’s hands. Now before you turn your phone off and throw it across the room just hear me out. Take the focus off yourself and Read. Your. Bible. It is that simple. Stop focusing on yourself and hyper-fixating on every single thought or feeling that you get. Let it go. Give it to God. It is not your battle it is His. Healing is so much more simple than we make it out to be. You are not broken, you are perfectly capable of living a regular life, you are always in the center of mental health. January 27th I sat down in my room bawling my eyes out in the middle of a panic attack and said to myself: Psalm 139:14 “For I am fearfully and wonderfully made, no weapons formed against me shall prosper, For I know the plans I have for you, not to harm you but plans to give you hope and a future. For walk by faith not by sight” I sat there crying with my eyes closed and said that to myself about 20 times out loud and I felt a warm glow in my chest. That was the most peace I had felt in over 2 years. I read my bible almost everyday and I am healing quicker every single day. You are strong. There is hope. God loves you so much you are so amazing. Tips: -Buy a bible ($20 on amazon) or rent it for free from a library. -Pray daily (it doesn’t matter when, how, or about what, just talk to God because he’s your best friend) -Listen to Girls Gone Bible (or any podcast about strengthening your faith) -Don’t pay any attention to your thoughts let them pass on like leaves in the fall. -Go checkout @peacefromwithin on instagram ( I’m considering starting my own podcast to share my testimony and give tips on how to manage ocd/anxiety lmk if anyone is interested bc i have so much more to share:) You are SO loved.💌

I’m trying my best to resist the compulsion of seeking reassurance with a friend, I really really want to text her and tell her my thoughts to see what she thinks about it, but I know it could be a compulsion :(. Any tips for keep resisting?

I have trouble feeling like I even love my partner. Like I see those OCD memes like ‘when I love my partner so much and I’m so in love but then have intrusive thoughts about our relationship’ I’m like … how do you even know you love your partner lol. I feel so identified with my intrusive thoughts I feel like they ARE the relationship, they ARE my feelings, and constantly feel that lack.

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life

I'm dating this genderfluid person and now I'm apparently pansexual. According to them. So uh yeah. That's happening. And wtf do I do cuz I really like her (pronouns are she/him) it didn't bother me initially but my friend brought that up and it started freaking me out. She's okay with me calling her my girlfriend. And like I'm straight but I'm not? I'm confused.

I did something that at the time, I didn’t think was wrong but now I feel super guilty. I didn’t cheat or anything but I feel really bad about it. People have told me not to tell my fiancé cause it isn’t important and it would honestly just hurt her. But shouldn’t I tell her if it’s something that could hurt her? It feels like I’m hiding something. Any advice please?

I’m not sure what this is, and this is probably not the best place for it, but I’m not sure where to search, I apologize I love my girlfriend but sometimes I feel like I don’t, like nothing is there, it’s just empty, i don’t understand my emotions, I don’t know why this happens, but when it does, I always end up crying or punishing myself for it, I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to find someone else or be alone, but I’m afraid that I’ll hurt her, or do something bad unintentionally, I don’t try to do any of these things purposefully, I was fearing that I’d lose feelings for her because I always did that with all of my ex partners, it always happens when I worry too much about it, i don’t want her to leave me, nor do I want to leave her, I just want to understand myself and understand why this is happening, why do I love her so much and want to stay, but something feels wrong? Something that makes me feel like I should leave, or I’m a bad person that’s leading her on, this pain is overwhelming, I hate dealing with this, I was praying this wouldn’t happen, I don’t want to leave her, I don’t know why my thoughts and everything are trying to pull her away, I just don’t understand myself I want to understand to keep this relationship

Does anyone have advice on how to share your OCD with someone because they might notice some of your compulsions. I am going on a trip with someone who does not know I have OCD. It will just be us two in a foreign country and I can foresee me being anxious and not wanting to hide that in case I need help or something?

+ I kind of react differently when I imagine being with a women in my head. for exemple : -I never thought of my bf dying and if I do think about it, yes I feel very sad vs if I think of a women in this situation, I feel like I cant breath and it would be the end of my world or - When I used to date guys I was never worried of taking the wrong decision or not knowing if the guy was good for me or not. + I had very high expectations vs If I imagine dating a girl I feel like I would have rocd because I would be scared that im not choosing the right one or that there is someone better for me or that can treat me more like a princess. I also feel like I would be scared all the time thinking about if she's gonna leave me and break my heart. All these comparative examples feel like a "true relationship" and "true feelings'' are the example I give with girls and not the one I give with my bf.... And what bothers me the most is that I know that I am an emotional person and with my bf it feels good but when I imagine myself with girls it feels sooooo intense like I could feel things X10 which I hate because its so tiring. But then when I read this it feels like this is what ''true emotions"" must feel like... Im so lost I just wanna cry.