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My partner and I have not been having much s*x lately, and when it seems like something is about to happen I start to feel uncomfortable and nervous instead of excited. Is this normal?

I’m really struggling right now with an obsession over my partner’s voice. It probably is slightly rooted in truth because my partner does have a more high pitched and nasally/whine to his voice, but I think I’ve become hyper aware and hyper sensitive of it. Now I keep playing over everything he says in my mind. if I think it sounded whiny or odd in some way. And I don’t know what to do. I like him a lot and I really don’t want to be obsessing about this. I don’t want it to bother or annoy me. I just want to love him for him. But everywhere I look it seems to be that people suggest others to just leave. I don’t want to do that. I just want to stop being bugged or turned off by his voice. I don’t want to obsess over it. I don’t even know if this is ROCD. I wish I could fix this.

So today I was typing a message on my phone and my boyfriend is playful sometimes and likes to try and get on my nerves a little bit, so he started tapping on the screen and I pushed his hand away (maybe a little too aggressively) and said “stop it.” I was getting genuinely annoyed so I walked across the room where he followed me and then started playfully hitting my arm. I said stop and he did it a couple more times then stopped and at that point I was already overthinking (abuse is a common obsession for me; sometimes I’ll even get painful sensations for a long time after in the places he barely touched me) and started asking reassurance questions like “why were you hitting me?” etc. He said I was hitting back, which tbh I don’t even remember if I was—I don’t think I was—and basically just tried to calm me down. We’ve been dating for over 3 years, so he’s very familiar with the way I act and things I say when I’m obsessing. It’s just stressing me out so much, we play fight all the time and I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me, but I have a really hard time trusting him and my brain just ticks every time something like this comes up.

I have been going over how my ocd will affect a future relationship. The things I struggle with in my OCD is cleaning and contamination. There are times where when I feel at my worst, I have to wash any cooking or eating utensil/dish/pan/pot multiple times. I think the max amount of times I have washed a single bowl alone in one wash is 17 times. That's just a bowl. I also when cleaning use gloves that they use at doctor's offices and/or hospitals. It helps me to feel like I won't need to wash or complete a compulsion(s). So my question is would I be enabling myself or no because I am constantly going over in my head what I should be doing or not being doing and it's always so exhausting.

I’ve fallen into another on going episode of OCD one of my worst ones, this happens often where I’ll be in remission for about a month or so then my OCD flares up for a couple months. My most reoccurring form of OCD is relationship OCD though I suffer from others as well. My overthinking about my girlfriend and our relationship is tormenting my mind. She’s a wonderful woman and my thoughts my horrible thoughts have been making our time together insufferable but not to her but to me, normally I love being around her and even going through this I adore her and want to always be with her, I keep my thoughts to myself for the most part but she notices that I’m not ok but I can’t tell her what I’m thinking cuz I don’t want to make her feel like I just think she’s horrible or not loyal to me. She is and she loves me very much and does her best to ease my mind. I just feel like such a problem and my thoughts drive me crazy I literally hold my head and cry just wanting the thoughts to stop they flood my mind unintentionally and cause me great emotional pain…I wanted to just end myself today to just be done with it.. but ik she’d be crushed if I did, that’s all that’s keeping me alive. My mind is my biggest enemy and I can’t silence it. Please help anyone I don’t care if you think I’m overreacting I probably am just please how do I make them stop? How can I stay alive…

At this point I’m very unsure of whether or not I have ROCD. I’m undiagnosed and some people seem to describe it as “worrying about things in a relationship without having any real substantial proof of it being true” but in my case I obsess over my partner’s “flaws” that do in fact seem real or true (at least in my eyes). But they aren’t objectively bad, it’s just superficial. But because it’s physical, it has proof of being real and idk what to do. I tend to obsess over a bunch of random “flaws” but rn it’s his voice. And I don’t want him to change who he is, especially not for me. I don’t think I wish his voice was different, I just don’t want to be obsessively nitpicking it or feel turned off by it anymore. I like him so much and I don’t want this to be a deal breaker. I never even cared or noticed when I first met him (at least I don’t think I did). But now I just keep obsessing about it, and how he sounds when he’s excited or loud or with his friends or the way he sounds when he says certain things. And I keep feeling turned off or annoyed by it and it makes me sad because he’s so amazing and I just want to love him. But all I can think about is how his voice sounds. I know Reddit is a terrible place to go looking for answers. And I regret doing it, because everyone who’s posted with a similar situation has had comments telling them to end it, telling them it’ll get worse, or that it’s ok to have preferences and that they should find someone better. I don’t want to be superficial and end it over such a stupid thing. I like him a lot. He’s so supportive and he wants to help me feel better. But I also want to stop obsessing so much about it and I feel like I’m ruining the relationship. It’s not fair to him.

I’m so tired of my thoughts. Some days I feel better, no thoughts or just a few, some other days I feel like I’m totally in denial and I’m hiding this part of myself to me but above all to the people around me, especially my boyfriend. I can’t really stand anymore the presence of these thoughts, make me feel I won’t be happy in my life never again and this makes me feel super depressed, I’m afraid I can develop depression. ROCD and SOOCD make me doubt myself and my feelings, and every time I see a case where a person find out later in life to be gay I literally start to cry. I can’t stand this anymore, really. I’m in therapy actually, so it is better compared to a few months ago, but I always question if it’s really ocd or not.

I'm in a relationship since November with a wonderful guy. I'm in a flare up right now. I'm very scared about the persisting thoughts on whether I love him or not, and I also still have some SO-OCD thoughts. Also, I'm thinking about changing therapy and try a new one (who does erp in the right way, I hope), so it's all very confusing. I didn't want to share my ocd themes with him because he is already dealing with some difficult stuff and I'm also scared he wouldn't want to stay in the relationship with me or he would see me in a different way. At the same time, it's so difficult to "hide" something like this... I'm afraid it will take me away from him anyway

i have recently had really bad confession ocd. i have an amazing happy healthy relationship, and i’m slowly destroying it. now, it’s come as far as me confessing thoughts that i probably shouldn’t be having to him. i feel so much guilt and anxiety if i don’t tell him, but telling him is just ruining our relationship and hurting him. i don’t mean these thoughts, i love him and want only him. i also confess at least 5+ times a day. I struggle with not even knowing if some things im confessing that i’ve done in the past are real or fake. it’s like i don’t know if what i did was real or not. im trying my best to stop confessing, but it’s hard because how am i supposed to know if it’s something he really needs to know or not? i don’t wanna lose him by telling him stupid stuff i should have kept to myself. he’s my dream person. it’s hard to act normal around him when i’m having the urge to confess. that leads me to not hold it in when he asks if i’m okay, because then if i say yes i’m lying so then i have to confess. we are very open about things, but it just has gone too far on my end. if anyone has any tips on how to overcome this please share.

Hello! If you’ve looked through what I’ve posted before, you’ll see that I struggle with intrusive thoughts about if I love my partner, if I am truly attracted to him, and the long distance. However, it seems as if I am starting to obsess over something different. Those lovey-dovey feelings have come back and now I feel certain that I am in love with him, it’s like something completely changed overnight. Even though this may seem amazing, something new has come up. Just the other day I noticed that when I spoke to him about the future because I find it important and nice to talk about, he seemed to change the subject by complimenting me. This may seem sweet but it’s almost as if it triggered something in my mind. Now I am aware that I have an anxious attachment style which can be hard to manage during a long distance relationship. I am not aware if he was actually trying to change the subject or if he was trying to be sweet, but either way it has impacted me negatively. I am super confused because now I am obsessing if he truly loves me, if he will leave me, and if the relationship will last. I love my partner and would love for this relationship to grow into something beautiful. My partner and I have only been together for four months, almost five. Regardless I know I love him and I would love to settle down with him. It could be considered too soon to feel this way, but after the relationships I had before, this one is amazing and I truly do not want to lose him. I’ve also done some thinking and realized that my abandonment issues could be coming into play as well. This fear of him leaving at some point and not loving me is bothering me, causing me to become anxious and more clingy. I find this to be an issue because before I wasn’t all that clingy, I was the opposite. I am afraid that I will push him away with the clinginess I am struggling with at the moment. Of course because he is an amazing partner he is very understanding and knows I can’t exactly help it. I am trying to learn but sometimes learning can be hard, especially for someone with an anxious mind like myself. I worry that I won’t be able to get out of this terrible mindset and that it will spiral out of control and keep me from feeling happy. This brings me to the question I’ve had in mind. Could this be a part of the ROCD/Relationship Anxiety cycle? I’m asking this because I feel like there could be a pattern. I am aware that OCD tends to switch themes from time to time but this feels terrible. It feels so terrible that I feel a need to run just so I don’t get hurt. Of course I feel an attachment towards my partner, I love him and want to grow as a person with him, but I don’t appreciate this anxious clinginess and intrusive thoughts. I would greatly appreciate some advice or insight on this. Thank you!

Today was kinda hard😵‍💫 I tried to go to a new therapist who does ERP (my current therapist doesn't - I've read a lot about it on NOCD but never tried it with a therapist). However, telling her my intrusive thoughts, I got so triggered. I don't know, but the more she asked and the more I answered, my brain was like: "She thinks you like girls and you are in denial... and you know, it's probably the most logical thing. That's it". I somehow went out there convinced that was the truth. Then I had a really ugly cry with my mother 💀 and now I don't know what to do! I don't know if it's her "fault" that I got triggered or if it's a good thing... like, she didn't reassure me or give me an answer ("oh don't worry, you certainly love your boyfriend!" or "uh yeah, you're absolutely lying, you're in denial"), so maybe that's a good thing?

I made tons of mistakes mainly because of my lack of experience, but there's one that is actually hurting me more than any other, I have given up on over the love my life due to my deteriorating mental illness (OCD) and I know that I have caused her a lot of pain, I know that there are no Justifications for breaking people's heart but I wish she knew the amount of pain that I had to deal with due to my OCD, she knew I had it but she couldn't fathom the amount of distress that it caused me, I chose the coward's way out, I left just like that so I could figure what was wrong with me and now I feel like the most disgusting person on earth. Just wanted to get this of my shoulders, thank you for bearing with me.

I’m so confused right now. I found someone who romantically loves me entirely and who I romantically love completely back. They’re basically my perfect person, it feels like my soulmate. I told them to just be friends with me for now. Because I have this idea that I need them to share my faith with me, I was obsessed with it, it is by far the only thing that could be considered “wrong”. They respect my faith, they’ve done everything they can except convert (which I would be mad if they converted for me, that’s a personal decision that shouldn’t be made for another person.) I just have this idea that I need the emotional connection with them that would come from shared faith. It doesn’t help that I have some friends who believe an interfaith relationship wouldn’t work advising me. I’ve been obsessed on this, I keep asking everyone in my life for advice on it, I couldn’t eat or sleep or work leading up to the conversation trying to find “the answer.” Now that I’ve told them we should be just friends while I work things out so they’re not caught in limbo with me I’m worried I made the wrong decision, that they’ll move on before I know, that this whole “Need” of mine could just be OCD and I threw out the best relationship and person I love the most in my life for no real reason. Idk how much time it’ll take. Idk what’s me, what’s a reasonable doubt or reaction, I’m still struggling to focus on anything else in my life. How do I know if this is a genuine need of mine or if it’s my OCD convincing me there’s something wrong, I can’t trust myself or my own judgement but the decision has to come from us and he won’t proceed if I tell him not to because he’s amazing. Idk what to do, I can’t trust myself with anything. I know OCD is involved here because I’ve had other intrusive thoughts that didn’t stick as long that I was able to overcome because I do trust and love him so much. It just occurred to me yesterday that “the big problem” could be OCD getting in the way too. I also have trauma from an ex heavily manipulating me with my faith, despite that I told him right off the bat I didn’t expect him to be involved in that part of my life if he didn’t want to. I think that may be coming to play as well?

I am dealing with really intense scrupulous relationship OCD. Idk if anyone else can relate but I have this debilitating fear God wants me to break up with my bf and it’s so difficult because I know I am a bit codependent and don’t spend enough time with God as I should. I know he is a jealous God and I keep thinking “what if God wants me to…” and getting intrusive thoughts masking as the Holy Spirit. I know I’m not as close with God as I should be, but I’m doing devotions and really trying, I just can’t hear his voice over all the anxious thoughts.

Hello! I am in a fairly new relationship (5 months) and I’m starting to struggle with Relationship OCD (I think?) I have begun to constantly question my feelings for this person (ex. do I love them enough, are they good enough, do I even like them) even though we have never had any major problems and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them. However, these thoughts have become so encompassing that I no longer feel able to connect to my real feelings for this person, which then makes the thoughts stronger. I will be discussing this with my therapist tomorrow but wanted to see if anyone here has had a similar experience. Thanks in advance!

How do I not shut down and go quiet and cry when my partner is trying to have an uncomfortable conversation with me is anyone else dealing or dealt with this ?

so, i wake up every morning feeling anxious and like i need to start ruminating. it’s like that feeling when your thoughts are jumbled and immediately start to race the second you get up. for me lately my focus has been on my rocd per my latest post. i feel like ill settle into the fact and idea that i love my girlfriend, that i like her and that i want to be in the relationship blah blah but the second i wake up the loop of doubt continues. it obviously makes me feel like im lying to myself. that im convincing myself that i have basic feelings of attraction and connection to my partner, at this point the thoughts are so loud that im beginning to believe them. it feels so hard to access my true feelings and beliefs and when i do it just feels like i have to try so so hard and that i dont even believe it! i feel like im struggling to let her in. we had a really good conversation about my rocd last night, but i still worry about being a liar, secretly just staying in the relationship and not being attracted! ugh!! you can imagine this makes me feel like i dont even have rocd or ocd. the thought/compulsion of even breaking up with her comes to mind, but i know i would just feel unhappy and think about her then too. i dont want to do that obviously but those with rocd know sometimes it feels like the only way out. (we’ve broken up before because of this) which def adds a level. though i know doing that would alleviate this anxiety/ocd source, it would just come back and form itself in different ocd themes until i got back into a relationship and then the whole loop would start over. Does anyone have any advice for how you cope with this? I do my exposures and try to accept my uncertainty and thoughts but i’m wondering if any other methods that help anyone get through these struggles.

I realized recently my intrusive thoughts have been adapting to be “more realistic”. I’ve now become more obsessed with my life safety, work social environment, and first true love? (Apparently I’m demiromantic and he really feels like my soulmate. I’m the one not letting us be a couple for, I think a good reason, and he respects that decision.) Point is they’re getting harder to ID as OCD, which although never stopped the intrusive thoughts, it helped me apply personal tactics I’ve learned that have alleviated some distress and prevent thought spiraling in the past. Is it possible for the thoughts to adapt like this, I can’t ID them as quick this way and get in thought spirals way too far before I realize what’s happening. I even had a spout of my classical religious OCD thoughts, began repetitively praying “Jesus” to block them out which I’m sure is a compulsion. I ended up effectively distracting myself from it, so thank God. I don’t want to go down that road again. Avoidance has been the main compulsion for the ones listed before that side tangent above, I literally was not going to my apartment for months because a neighbor had creeped me out so bad. I sorta overcame avoidance with the relationship to truthfully talk to my love, but I worry my reason for staying apart has a secret reason in this… idk. It seemed reasonable to us both? The thoughts started targeting the guy I love even more yesterday, and I knew trying to fight them would make them worse, but I really didn’t want them anywhere near that. Somehow I got to a point where instead of the worries, I could literally feel nothing. Nothing bad but also nothing good and I thought I broke my brain and almost called a mental health hotline because I was concerned I lost my emotions forever and I wanted them all back. Even the negative ones. Luckily I had the awareness to at least try the emergency anxiety medicine my doctor gave me (even though I couldn’t feel anxiety), and I think this is what broke me out of that. But now I’m worried I’ll trigger that again. I hesitate to self diagnose, but given my experience and past, I definitely have primarily obsessional OCD (pure O). I couldn’t tell any of the mental health professionals I saw before because I thought I was the only one like this and that if I said anything about the worse thoughts they’d take me away from family or… well that they would do something, disgusted by my very existence. For a while my mom was the only one I let hear some of the worse thoughts and I swore her to secrecy about them. Luckily she had experienced some intrusive thoughts (not to my level but) with her GAD and she understood enough these were distressing things I didn’t want. But yea, I’ve been through a slew of the themes in my life. My biggest being religious OCD and OCD with sexual themes (I am aroace so the lack of sexual desire was very confusing, especially at first, and I didn’t know I was or that people could be that, so I guess my core worry became that my other forms of love ie familial, friend, etc had been secretly perverted and corrupted the whole time) Ugh.

I’m having a hard time figuring out if my feelings about my romantic relationship are ROCD or true feelings. For context, me and my bf have been together for 4 years, broken up once before (about a year ago) and almost again a few weeks ago. I’ve been feeling so disconnected from him, despite his efforts to change and make things better in our relationship. I’ve also been feeling like I want to date other people, but at the same time feel like he’s it for me… is there a way to tell ROCD from regular feelings?

So I’m married, but I’ve always had these thoughts about other people. Everything feels like a romantic connection to me and I’ve tried to place it to the back of my mind. However, every time I meet someone new through my husband, I think “maybe I’m with my husband to meet my soulmate.” I’m struggling with this even more because I found out one of his work friends is interested in me and now I can’t stop thinking about said friend. I found him attractive at first, but now he consumes almost every one of my thoughts. This has happened multiple times through my relationship. I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have children together. I don’t know how to get these thoughts to stop. It has happened every relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel miserable. Even someone smiling at me in public makes me think maybe they’re the one and I made a wrong choice. It’s miserable. Please help.