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I double texted a girl that I really like today (we just started talking last week) and I'm kind of going insane now... is double texting actually that bad or am I having a flare-up?

I’ve been suffering with SO OCD for a while now and the thought of late in life lesbians really scary me like what if this is all real and that’s going to happen to me. My boyfriend and I are about to hit 2 years and I’m scared for the future. :(

I (15M) want to get help but I’m scared of punishment. I live in Arizona and I think I have ocd and it’s making me go insane. First off I hurt so many people in my freshman year of highschool I was overly sexual and went too far over texts being way too open with myself and the reason I was probably overly sexual was maybe because when I was 8 or 9 I was shown explicit content by my older brother and I think that gave me compulsive sexual behavior disorder cause I got addicted to it but idk if I deserve sympathy cause my little brother was also shown it at the same time I was and is not a bad person from what I can tell. But yea when I got into highschool idk why I thought I could be so sexual and not see an issue with it and I hurt 3 people because of it 2 of them said they don’t care about it anymore and just found it annoying (I still feel guilty what if they are lying to me to make me feel better) and the third one doesn’t want to talk to me ever again and I deserve it I scarred him for life. And before highschool I begged a 16 yr old for pictures and this is when I was like 13 or 14 and I was so persistent with it and honestly kinda Manipulative (my friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kind of but I still feel bad) and then in highschool I begged a 17 yr old for pictures this was when I was 14 and I gave him my friends ass pics because I wanted pics from him and he agreed ( my friend was 15/14) and I lied saying it was my friends little sisters and my friend told me she could get his pictures for me and I agreed and we later stopped cause she felt uncomfy and we both thought it was honestly gross I think and then he got upset and said he was gonna send her sisters pics to her to make her upset or blackmail her and I got scared and told her what I did and she felt sick and I told the guy what I did and told him I was gonna cut myself and he told my friend what I said and she told me not too and that she forgives me and I feel so bad cause that’s so wrong she felt she had to forgive me. After that the guy said he was manipulating me the whole time so I would feel guilty about what I did later. And now I feel so much guilt from everything and how I hurt so many people I hurt my little brother I was so rude and mean to him and yet he still loves me and I’m having thoughts on what if I’m a child predator or what if I sa’d my baby cousins or sa’d my little brother (besides the time I did cocsa when I was 9 or 8 and he was 6/7) or what if I sa’d someone at my school and these thoughts keep repeating over and over and it feels so real cause I think I’m honestly a monster and it’s not fair how I can keep walking the earth with innocent people

Has anyone ever struggled with ROCD & then went through a legitimate troubled period in their relationship? (Where the ROCD may have been a factor) I know all relationships have their ups and downs, but personally the downs for me are much harder than I would assume the average girl because I obsess over whether it means we aren’t good for eachother, if it makes us a toxic relationship, etc

Around this time last August, I had a terrible OCD relapse. It got to the point where I didn’t see the point in living anymore. I had everything I had dreamed of a house, a lovely fiancé, a good job and a decent amount of money coming in, so why was i feeling like I didn’t deserve or needed to leave my life? I have suffered from intrusive thoughts all my life but I have particularly struggled since the age of 19 when I started to have sexual intrusive thoughts. I didn’t understand what was happening, the more I tried to make these thoughts go away, the more aggressively they came. I would stay awake Googling all night and not sleeping. I carried on with life but was doing mental compulsions constantly. Every 6 months I’d have a big relapse where I would be so anxious that I couldn’t eat, sleep or take care of myself. I had never been open about my intrusive thoughts with anyone. I had therapy and didn’t tell the therapist the extent of my intrusive thoughts as I thought I would be sectioned or that my thoughts would be confirmed as truth. So I talked about generic things like checking doors, the gas and my hair straighteners. Where really I was worried that my whole life was a lie that I wasn’t attracted to my partner, that I could be gay, that I could be an evil person etc. Anyway, my big relapse happened a year ago, I was trying to plan my wedding but felt like a fraud. It got to a point where I couldn’t keep it in and broke down to my fiancé, I told him all my intrusive thoughts, my worries that I didn’t love him, I gave him permission to leave me when that was the last thing I wanted. I now know what true love is, he was amazing he told me he wouldn’t leave unless that’s really what I wanted. He supported me, I sought out therapy again, although it was hard I opened up, my GP diagnosed me with OCD. It didn’t get better over night, I still struggled for months on end, trying to put in to practice what I had learnt from therapy, there were many dark days. The support system that I had once I opened up was the best thing I could of hoped for my mum was incredible as was my partner. I am getting married next May, I am planning my wedding, I have bought my wedding dress, I feel like me again. I can be at peace alone without constant thoughts running through my head. Today I went for a walk alone and read a book on a bench, something I could never of done a year ago. I’m retraining as a counsellor as I hope to help people in the way I was helped! I want to raise more awareness to ocd as before my diagnosis I had no idea people had the same scary thoughts that I did. It gets better, keep pushing, do your ERP it won’t get better over night but trust the process give it time!

My ROCD got very bad a few weeks ago when my husband had to go the hospital and had lied about drinking alcohol. Right after that, and old colleague of mine started texting and flirting with me. I didn’t stop it right away. I used him as a potential scapegoat in my mind if anything went wrong with my husband. I didn’t cheat, but even after my husband has forgiven me I’m still stuck in a cycle of going over everything that happened and checking if I lied or trying to remember if I lied. Has anything like this happened to you? My anxiety won’t go away when I think about the situation, which has been constant.

I need help I feel so bad I'm thinking about situations with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do and if they were really bad situations or not.

is it sa if he asked a couple times and I didn't want to at first just because I was on my period but then when he asked again, I wanted to after? People keep saying that asking like that is actually sa and that's freaking me out because what do I do if that happened to me??? I feel like my ocd is latching onto a specific scenario that was confusing and now im just reviewing every situation.

Hey guys, not really OCD related but last night I asked the boy I'm seeing if he wanted to be my boyfriend, he said yes and we were really mutually happy about the decision, having not labelled it as anything for a month or so because I was having a little freak out on occasion. I've woken up this morning now and I'm worried about that decision, it feels comfortable yet strange to call him my boyfriend to other people but he came to an event with me the other night and everyone was asking things like"how long have you been seeing eachother" and "is this your boyfriend" and i was like "not yet haha" and now here we are. For context, he is 19 (turning 20 in October) and Ive just turned 17. A couple of my friends think I'm getting groomed but I work with him, the people at my work all found out by various sources and just joke about it and find it quite sweet, knowing that he has the best of intentions. He is so respectful to me and I feel like I really love him. But I don't know who to tell or if I want it to be public because of the hard time it could give me at school having an older boyfriend, and I only came out of my three year relationship in may. It's crazy right? I just thought I'd ask for advice..what would you do in my position?

tw//talks of sa and sexual acts I'm kinda worried because of something that happened with me and my boyfriend forever ago. When me and my boyfriend were being all over each other and things were heated, he asked if he could kiss me Down There and I said yes and then he proceeded to lick me down there a couple of times and then stopped. It made me uncomfortable and I told him to not do that because it was not that I expected and it shocked me a bit. He apologized and said he understands why I felt that way and I know he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable or upset. we talked more about it, and set a boundary about asking before doing anything like that instead of like before where we were both comfortable with kinda just doing stuff when we knew we were in the mood. I trust him but it did make me feel bad for a bit. This isn't SA right? I feel like I started to ruminate on this trying to figure it out desperately even though I used to be confident that it wasn't. this wasn't triggered by anything personal, just a random tik tok video talking about SA. I'm just worried but I have felt better ever since we had that conversation and set boundaries.

I am a 22 year old female and have never gotten into a relationship due to the fact that I have OCD and how ugly it can get at times. I also feel like I would be a burden and be too much to handle especially in modern dating when people want to have fun and dont want to deal with anything that's exhausting not saying it's wrong but that's how it is. I have these two mindsets of 'I'll have someone who will accept me someday' Or 'I'll just be on my own cause that's what's good for me'.I don't think anyone will look at me and think they want to settle down with me or stuff. I feel like i will be too much to handle. Even if someone likes me, they will never actually love me enough to spend their life with me. Maybe if I were more pretty maybe people might put up with me idk really. This just saddens me to the core. I don't know how to deal with this. Is there any hope for me P.S my ocd is manageable most of the time but when it flares up it gets ugly and i go non-functional

Hey guys. Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago. He told me not to contact him and that he wouldn’t contact me. I saw glimpses of him talking to a past lover on social media.. but who knows they could be friends.. idk. Still i realized i messed up with him, things ended badly and i wanted to start things back up. I went to target and someone asked for my number on the same day i realized this. Same field as i am entering, similar interests. I gave it to him.. but i later felt guilty. If my intention is to reach out to my ex.. how could i give this man my number? Is that not disrespectful… Well after some effort (a day or two after the target guy gave me his number) me and my ex started talking again. I waited until i had a break in classes because i knew it would be emotionally intense for me, and we decided it was for the best that we part ways.And during this time while we were getting that closure/ i was figuring things out i texted the dude from target and told him im freshly out of a relationship and there’s still alot of feelings still there so that id really just be looking for friends and he was ok with that, but a part of me always thought could it be possible to move on with him if my ex didnt want me back? I still wasnt sure if i wanted anything romantic with target guy or not.. I feel like i had him on the back burner and that i wasn’t being respectful to my ex by giving another guy my number even if we are broken up because my intention was still to get back with him. Now I’m being eaten up with guilt and am trying to figure out if I’m being too hard on myself or if i wasn’t being respectful.

I keep flaring up lately because life is changing for me soon (moving in with my boyfriend and his family in October) and I just wanna know how are you guys getting through a flare? Will it ever get better/easier?? 😭😭 Rationally I know it does but rationality isn’t compatible with OCD ever 😭

I have this constant feeling of needing 100 percent certainty in my relationship of being wanted physically and sexually by him. Plus also reassurance of if he still loves me.. it’s a loop!!!

Sorry if this is too long I just wanted to vent or express myself. There is some trigger warnings later on in this vent about sa sorda. I didn't give detail or anything. This is just a long vent. I just needed to vent out everything and I mean everything lmfao. But for the past 2 weeks or so I've been wondering about my sexuality. And at first I was wondering if I was having sexual orientation ocd or just actual desires or thoughts of me trying to figure it out. I'm 22, female. And I have a bf of 6 years now but 2 years ago I even questioned it for about a month and even came out to him sayinf I might be bi because there's this female celebrity who i think is so pretty and gorgoues. Almost in Zendaya level of pretty. Like just in awe and I joked around and even said i have a girl crush on her. I mean my mom has a girl crush on one of her actors but she likes steictly men. Idk but a lot of my friends who are females have like a girl crush of some celeberty. Anyways he said he was okay with it but he did think I was overthinking a lot maybe about this whole thing. Cause at the time he even asked me would I want to kiss a girl and he was like try saying it to me. And I couldn't even say it cause I was like I can't haha like it just wouldnt come out no matter how hard i tried. Like if i ever said I liked eating hot dogs, my bf would be in shock causs I won't like how they taste. So that's how it felt when I tried saying it . We're funny like that but he was being serious. Like he just wanted me to also figure it out too. I can't explain it. But he was there for me. And it went away eventually and I was like I don't think I'm bi anymore lol, cause I just only liked guys still at least in terms of my crushes of celebs and fictional characters. Anyways 2 years later struggling again, but now I feel like it has to be some type of sign that I must be on the bi spectrum. I have given thought that maybe I am afraid to kinda put a label or come out but I've always been open about things. And even my brother is gay and other family members in the lgbt. So lgbt stuff was never an issue in my family growing up really. But I guess sometimes I feel so overwhelmed of the fact I could be gay or bi but mainly gay. I don't think I am gay because my whole life I've had crushes on boys and celebs were boys and so on. I did find women pretty and attractive too but in a sense that like I know when someone is attractive if that makes sense. But when I think that I could be or may be gay I just get so much anxiety from it. Not that I think anything is wrong with being in the lgbt. But idk how to explain it. I guess the one thing that's really questioning me is when I was younger I unfortunately experienced things at a young age with a guy. And I'm sure you can see where I'm getting at. But I think I was kinda exposed to such things early on but also. I was like 8 and young and was always curious about bodies I guess. But as time went on and middle school came around I did look up women's n*ked bodies a lot. Like I think I did get aroused when I saw naked women or when I saw intimate scenes with a couple in a movie of something I looked up in. I would always look at the women more. I even had a crush on this anime girl and drew her n*ked cause I was just so into her body. I swear I'm not like a weirdo I'm just trying to express my thoughts. But anyways yeah I always just wanted to look at nudes of women online I guess and I would get nervous someone would find out. But more in a sense of I didn't wanna get caught looking up something inappropriate than someone thinking I'm gay if that makes any sense? But I'd like to also point out that I was only interested at like n*ked women but seeing regular women or whatever or growing up in school and such I never saw girls cute or had crushes on them or when I was in p.e. I would sometimes look at them when we changed but I was always just curious as well to see what they had too. I also use to be insecure about my breast and such since my moms side had small ones while my dad's side had big ones. So I was always like I wanted bigger breast haha. Sounds stupid I know but I was young. But once High School came along, I just stopped caring. I never had crushes on girls either too, like I'd find some pretty or whayeber or admire how they looked too and sure as a human if I saw a girl showing more skin my eyes would be more drawn into it. But in High school only had crushes on boys and I had friends who were openly bi and everyone in my band class was also gay, bi, lesbian and so on . My high school was very accepting of everything and everyone. Even had pride weeks at school. So in high school, if I suspected I was gay or bi I wouldn't have cared about coming out because oh how open everything was there and at my house. So I'm just very puzzled right now. In middle school I was curious about the women body a lot and such but I don't know if I was just curious of how my body will look or was actually attracted to women's bodies. I mean I like to say I was attracted to them I guess now that I think about it. Because it felt like a little secret. But I also would look at guys bodies too but there wasn't like much I guess haha. I mean sure I'd be curious of how guys private parts were but I don't really remember how I felt durning those. But I will admit I was so fixated on how my body will look growing up, like I'd literally be checking how much my body would grow and such and always fixated on myself. So yeah idk. But also during that time I only had crushes on guys and guy celebs and anime guys and so on. I mean recently like 2 months ago I was going ferral over this anime guy and such lol. But anyways I feel like crying because idk if it's cause I'm in denial of suppressing hidden feelings or desires or if I'm just so overwhelmed with who I am sexually. And what makes it kinda hard is that I'm pretty sure I'm asexual too now and when I thought I was asexual I actually was pretty okay with it and didn't give much thought into it. I qas like yeah seems about right or so. No ocd trigger. But when it comes to be possibly being gay or bi now it gives me so much distress. And now that I'm having these thoughts more, I keep only looking at women to test myself which I know is a compulsion but it doesn't help either that I do find women pretty aestically or attractive or beautiful. But sometimes it's also like wow she has nice eyes and I'll think I wish I had them too. But I'll notice how nice their body is and I'm like wow that's a nice body. I mean also too. If a woman has a "sexualize" body I do think like oh she has a sexy body cause you can see it I guess. Almost likw Jessica Rabbit, the cartoon she's literally drew like that on purpose cause she's a sexual icon. So yeah I think she's sexy but I don't think I had any feelings towards her. And I know people say like you won't know till you try but idk if I'm really down to it. But when I do see a fairly attractive guy I do think like oh do I look good? But not in a cheating way because I do have a boyfriend. But in a sense of being human I guess I already told him all this too so he knows. But when i see a pretty women at least recently or slightly attractive or whatever I think, now since I'm so fixated on it I get like nervous around then at work or something. Like today I saw a pretty girl but I would think would I wanna do such things with her? And I couldn't really give an answer. But when I think about being with a guy I could see me more holding hands and such . So I'm just confused right now haha. I really just needed to vent. I wss gonna write all of this down on my journal but I got lazy to do that haha. My bf tells me tho that straight women find women pretty and find them attractive too. But I just don't know what to think anymore. Most of my distress is because I have a bf I feel like super stressed out. Like I don't wanna disappoint him if I am gay?? He said he supports me with whatever I am and such. So that's nice to hear but idk. I always dreamed of us living together forever and all that fantasy stuff. But now since I'm so hyperfocused on this theme I just feel like I can't see a future with anybody. And I thought writing all of this down would make aomwthing click to me but it just keeps adding and adding to more confusion. Like I have said before like I think I'm bi, and I was like okay with it for awhile but then I just never looked at women lmfao. I was always crushing on my male characters or celebs and stuff and fan fics. So I was like I think I'm just straight. But this theme or hidden sexual orientation keeps coming back and I'm never sure and I know I probably won't be for a lil while. I have thought if I got with a women like maybe things would be okay? But I feel like I'd just wanna be with my bf at the end of the day or with a guy I think? But idk either obviously and I'm not really comfortable with experiencing. I've also had some type of bad experience with a girl back then ad well and when I would think of it, it would give me anxiety too. But at the time sure I wss like oh, okay I think I kinda liked it but it didn't feel right to me bevause I guess it wasn't consented and even after that I still was just into guys and never tried it again. So I've had bad experiences with both guy and girl growing up. So like I realllllllllt don't know for sure lmfao. I guess what I wanna say is I don't wanna be gay but I feel like me saying that makes it feel like that's the truth coming out secretly like maybe I am gay? And just afraid to admit it? And I have nothing against lgbt, It's more just me feeling lost cause this whole time in pretty sure i was straight my whole life. After all that middle school stuff with me looking up females, my device did get like frozen lmfao. But I was so panicked and afraid of what the techs would see when they fixed it. So after that I did stop looking at women's bodies (like at p*rn websites and stuff) cause I felt guilty I wss looking up inappropriate things. But high school came along and I'm pretty sure I have looked again but I just never got interested looking up that stuff. But now I'm like was it cause I felt guilty looking up inappropriate stuff or was I afraid of looking at women's bodies again? But I will never know cause I can't go back in time to check. But I genuinely do think it's cause I just liked guys more. I mean all my phone wallpapers and things were guys I had crushes on TV. But my cousin came out as bi back in middle school and you would think that would make me rethink my sexuality too but no. I was like that's cool, I support you. And never thought about liking women. So I can't tell if I ever had desires to be with women secretly or just always saw them in a sexualized way cause of how I portrayed women at the time? UGHHHHHHHGGHGGGG I'M JUST CONFUSEDDDDDDDD. I will say I still think womens bodies are just beautiful and more appealing to look at than guys. But for guys for me it's like if you have a nice looking face or shoulders or personality I get interested. Or like in shows I always just fangirled over the guys growing up. I mean my first crush was Eric from The Little Mermaid and Link from the Zelda franchise also Inuyasha and L from death note, and Ichiago and Sora if you know who those are haha ( i grew up with brothers so some of my crushes were video game guys lmfao) . And then I remember seeing Edward Scissorhands when I was a kid, Johnny Depp was like my first human crush and had a crush on Jack sparrow and so on. And for example, I had a crush on Chris Evans in fantastic 4 and so on I can name even Jensen Ackles he was a really big one in middle school for me and High school. But whenever I did see a scene where two actors got intimate I'd always look at the woman's body more, like sure I'd see the guy but I was looking at how she looked. But I always had the crush on yhe male lead so I guess that's why I'm so confused? And even in fictional characters I had crushes on like in games and stuff never cared for the girls either. So that's why I'm so puzzled. Like how can I look at all that stuff in middle school and whatever. But growing up I was always just having crushes on all these guys cause I thought they were so cute and perfect????????????? SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG I JUST NEEDED TO VENT. Another think I feel like I'm afraid of loosing my bf too one day cause of how I am or if I turn out to be something else. So yeah. I'm just a mess right now and I just wanted to write my thoughts onto something. Sorry it's so messy and all over the place, that's just how my brain is at the moment. And for clarification, I support the lgbt community, it has nothing against me not liking the community. I just feel confused as to who I am sexually and who I am as a person now. I get very nervous for the future all the time so I just never know obviously. Thanks for taking the time to reading this whenever made it to the bottom of this messy thread. You don't have to comment if you don't want to, I just wanted to vent onto something and writing this physically would've made me lazy lmfao. Thanks again for anyone who does reply of just takes the time to read. I'm not looking for an answer really, I just idk. I just wanted to express how I've been feeling and yeah...

I have never dated anyone bc of the fear that ocd would flare up too much and cause problems but this time i have taken a leap of faith and thought to myself that whatever ocd is gonna throw my way I will deal with it cause that's what I should be doing cause I can't not do anything in my life. What are your tips to when my ocd flares up due to me dating

I’m not necessarily looking for reassurance. Just venting I guess and I don’t mean to sound like a baby. But I just feel like I’m meant to be alone and it hurts. Like not only when it comes to friendships but relationships as well. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother and ik those aren’t big dreams but they have been my dreams since I was a teenager. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for that. (there are many reasons behind that thinking; i’d just rather not get into it) I know I have people on here to talk to to an extent and I’m very grateful for that. But y’all don’t know me on a deep level and ofc I don’t expect you to. Idk I don’t wanna start rambling. Thank you to anybody who even cares to read this

so idk what this is but last year around this time is when my anxiety and ocd got so bad, it was the worst time of my life to the point where i had a plan to end my life, i also was in a horrible abusive relationship that traumatized me. so last year august-November was so horrible for me like those months absolutely ruined me and i think about it everyday. And now that it’s august again i feel like that person again, and like i feel like im in that same situation all over again and I hate it so much. What does this mean? And now im scared that im gonna feel this way up until November and that’s terrifying.

I really need some advice. My rocd is so bad that even spending time with my boyfriend is triggering my anxiety. Is that normal? Is that even rocd or do I just not want to spend time with him? He is great and if I didn’t have negative thoughts when I’m with him I would enjoy it. The first half hr I spend with him I have no anxiety and feel relaxed, but then this horrible anxiety comes over me like I have to be alone and be away from him. I don’t know what this means. Am I torturing myself unnecessarily by being in a relationship with him, because my rocd is not even letting me enjoy time with him? My brain is telling me he is the cause of all my anxiety, but breaking up with him would be awful! We can’t go on holiday either. A relationship shouldn’t be like this should it? I should be excited to see him and have fun, but I just have crippling anxiety when I’m with him because my ocd has associated my boyfriend as the problem. Maybe I’m making rocd an excuse because the thought of being alone is terrifying. I’m scared I’m holding onto something that is really affecting my mental health, but he’s so great and amazing when he’s with me, there’s no reason for these extreme feelings. How do I make this better? Any advice greatly appreciated!!!

It's so hard to improve my self esteem. My thoughts are always focused on the things I don't do right. The things that makes me ashamed of myself my addictions. The things I don't do right. Not believing I should be in a relationship, etc. This is really hard. I often just keep myself in this circle of being hard on myself or just not giving myself the same grace as other people because of bad actions in the past.