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I’m struggling really bad with ROCD lately like having the urge to confess and having extreme guilt. Does anyone have any tips please I feel like my life is falling apart

So I’ve been in therapy about 9 months for ocd. My obsessions have ranged from health concerns to concerns about death and dying to house projects and fear that my house is going to be damaged beyond repair by an unknown issue. I’ve been doing alot better, but winter has been extremely hard and flared up everything again for me. Recently my ocd has grabbed on to my relationship, or rather, a past relationship. I was engaged to a guy 10 years ago that was basically my high school sweetheart. I broke off the engagement and a year later met and started talking to who is now my husband. This weekend we went for a hike near my ex fiancés childhood home was and where I spent a lot of time with him and his family over the years. Being back in that area brought up old memories and emotions, complicated by the fact that all of my direct family has also split up and I don’t have a close relationship with any of them. Well, I started remembering and thinking and ruminating and then read my old journals and felt so anxious and taken back to that time in my life. It was also to the day, 9 years ago that my mom told me she was leaving my dad. That panicky feeling I got from that conversation was the same I felt with ending the past relationship. I called my sister to talk about it and breaking off that first engagement and why would I feel sad and upset by those memories now after all these years. I guess that was giving into the ocd even more, but I did that. And then I decided to be honest with my husband and share with him how I was feeling, that I was struggling with the memories of the past engagement and time with that family and my personal families split, and he got upset and told me he felt like I have emotionally cheated on him by going back and thinking about those past events. He feels like I should be long over that by now as it was over 10 years ago that it happened. I apologized but that made me upset because I’m just trying to be honest and open with him and I didn’t realize it would backfire on me and now have him hurt and embarrassed and feeling like I’m not ‘over’ that first relationship. I don’t know what to do, I already apologized, I AM over that past relationship, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to prove that, this isn’t something I think about daily or miss the guy or want to go back and change anything. Moving on and marrying my husband now was only possible because I was over the last relationship. I’m just confused and overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions and his reaction to them and how to move on without giving this more attention than it’s already required.

I think maybe after having some clear and clarity. Feelings of “No interest” and “I don’t want to” when approached with things in the relationship are tell tale signs that you know when a relationship does reach incompatibility. Sorry if this is triggering but I feel that when it brings you more unhappiness and exhaustion then it is saying something I need to listen to. And the clarity of a truth that I do not like and need to make an action is anxiety provoking because it’s a negative to initially break up regardless. But I’m just feeling after when you know and feel it and it is more draining. It is saying something. I believe that if you love your SO, you know and the thoughts and feelings go against what you value/what you want. And my feelings are always the opposite and met with anxiety which leads me to believe that it is wrong?

having trouble with cheating ocd & pocd bc of some bad situations that happened w my old summer job. i was a camp counselor before getting together with my partner. camp was an overall great experience, but I'm convinced that I'll cheat on my partner if i work there again bc of the summer hookup culture. I don't want to cheat on my partner I'd never want anyone but them, but I also can't trust myself to know that. when i was working i was single and interested in a coworker who would always "joke" flirt w me. i even told him i was into him at the end of summer & got denied (which was very bad for my intrusive thoughts, i get kind of disgusted with myself for thinking sexually about anybody who isn't mutually interested). since getting together with my partner the coworker messaged me, telling me he had a dream where i was "hot and tall with a swimmer's body," and jokes about me being "hung." it made me really uncomfortable, and i convinced myself of a lot of terrible stuff: this was my fault bc i used to flirt w him it wouldn't have happened if i never did that, the conversation was basically cheating because it was my fault to begin with. few weeks ago i caught a glimpse of a different summer crush's Instagram, had a passing thought of him being attractive and couldn't stop ruminating on it. felt like i was essentially cheating and it was more evidence that I can never go back to camp. and the scariest one. mostly come to terms w this but it's still terrifying. an underage coworker rlly came onto me, they initiated basically cuddling under stars and i had a passing thought about liking it and i was so so so disgusted with myself for days. i begged an online friend for reassurance. i know now that it doesn't mean anything, i had absolutely 0 romantic or sexual intention with this person. but i can't go back to camp if they're there, because i feel like they might think im a pedophile and in those circumstances it's the underage person's feelings who matter. if they feel hurt or uncomfortable bc of how i went about that situation then it's all my fault and i must've had horrible intentions. my obsessions over these complicated, real situations (+ ocd fabricated nonsense) are ruining a place i once loved.

I have been with the same girl for over 8 years and met her when I was in high school. I wasn't always the best boyfriend and obviously that young I made many mistakes in our relationship. Although, I never physically cheated, I did think of other girls or look at other girls social media accounts while getting off. I know its wrong now and its something I wouldn't do again, I guess I thought if as like watching porn. Anyway, for the past year I have dealt with a lot of OCD thoughts in my relationship. It seems to always switch reasons, but it always ends up with my relationship. My first panic attack made me believe that she wasn't "the one" and that I had to leave or it felt like I would die. Then I started to ruminate on past mistakes that I did and feel guilty if I don't tell her everything. And most recently, I have extreme guilt about getting off to other girls, which is something I haven't done in awhile. I feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her every singe detail and I this extreme guilt that I cannot get rid of. I feel like a cheater and that she wouldn't love me anymore, If I told her the truth. Obviously, I know it's normal to look at other girls and think they are attractive. But my mind says I have to confess her each time I think this. And the fact that I went a little further to getting off when we were younger makes things even worse. I love this girl with all my heart and I don't wanna hurt her at all. But it's killing me keeping everything inside and not sure where to go from here. Anyone experience anything similar or have any advice?? Thanks in advance!!

I’m someone who’s struggled with so many forms of OCD, taboo thoughts etc., but what has really been kicking me in the butt lately is Real Event OCD. I did something I’m ashamed of before I met my partner, so now while I’m trying to navigate the REOCD itself and learn self compassion, I also have this nagging feeling that my partner deserves to know about my worst moments, because otherwise they can’t love the “real me” and I’m lying to them. The event didn’t hurt anyone, but it’s left me so incredibly ashamed and I know if I didn’t have OCD, I likely would never say anything. But ROCD makes me feel like I’m lying to my partner about who I am if they don’t know. Does anyone relate? I know confessing would be a compulsion, but when these two forms of OCD get tangled it feels impossible to know what to do.

I feel like I should give some context. So a year ago, I went though a two week thing of what I can only describe is some sort of psychosis. I convinced myself god told me I was going to die. I couldn’t sleep. And I even had my aunt take me to the er. I think this stems from the amount of loss I’ve witnessed. When I was 15, my dad died, 4 months after that my cousins. A year after that, my grandmother committed suicide. For the longest time I had the worse health anxiety…that is, until I met my current bf. Before, I’d be in relationships where I’d have to worry about my partner, because they’d be so consumed in their own problems. I never got to actually focus on myself. I’ve never been in a long term HEALTHY relationship. I used to have driving anxiety, but my boyfriend pushed me to get a car, and I’m now driving. Something I never thought I’d be able to do. My boyfriend pushes me in way and holds me accountable. Something no men has done before..not since my father was alive. I’ve come to the realization my brain is on the defense because I’m being held accountable to do better, which is why for the last month, it’s like I’ve been in a fight or flight mode. My thoughts just keep saying “leave”. No logical reasoning behind it. I’m very religious, and my boyfriend shares the same beliefs as me, something rare now a days. I’m just exhausted of these constant thoughts. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I’ve just been feeling hopelessness, and I won’t stop feeling these constant thoughts

How do you guys get past the anxiety? I feel like my thoughts are the only thing that control my mind. So often I feel like I should just leave my partner even tho I love them so much because I just feel like these thoughts are too much. I over analyze everything. I feel so stuck and defeated. I just want to be normal. I feel so toxic for the thoughts that I have

Hey all, I’m new here. I have been attending therapy regularly for about a year and a half now. I am coming to realize that I may have OCD. My boyfriend has a daughter who is 12, and I feel like I am constantly criticizing how she does things. Not replacing the toilet paper roll when it’s out, not turning off the lights when exiting a room, not putting back the hand towel on the hook instead of on the bathroom counter, and not rinsing off dishes before setting them in the sink. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about these things, and I try to look at it from a stand point that we are raising an adult, and she is almost 13, she should begin learning how to clean up after herself. My boyfriend who also struggles with mental health views these situations as “not deep,” and it makes me feel controlling. When I was younger, my mother would always yell at me to take care of my things, bring my items back to my room, clean my room etc. So as a “step parent,” it’s hard for me not to expect the same, only I go through my partner as a buffer before directly asking his daughter to take care of whatever she didn’t take care of. I just don’t want to be viewed as a “mean” step parent because I am constantly asking for things to be taken care of. I feel a sense of loss of composure if things are not where I left them and it seems to be more important to me than those that I live with. With that being said, I am in between seeing a PCP, but will resume in March. I wanted to see if anyone in this community is familiar with problems associated with obsession, control, and order in your home or at your job. Are there any medications that you would recommend? Any that you wouldn’t?? I do have anxiety at times as I work as a social worker, but I seem to manage it well for the most part without medication. Let me know your thoughts 😌

I lost my little girl 2 years ago, she was 8. The first 6 months were a myriad of grief but around the 6 month mark I started questioning my feelings for my husband. We've been together 20yrs but like put of the blue I had an intrusive thought, 'do I love him?'. I have another daughter with the same condition as my eldest so I know her life will be short. I should be spending quality time with my family but I am consumed with what could potentially be ROCD. It started with 'do I love him?' to 'has he ever cheated on me?' and even false memories that he hurt me. It consumes my thoughts all day everyday and is spoiling life. I've told him at every stage and he is much more understanding than I would be. He is my 'safe place' but I just can't stop the thoughts. Everything is triggering, romantic films (is our love like that on screen?) to a news article about a woman being raped (has he ever raped me, would he ever rape me?). It's making me a non-present mother to my daughter and a lack lustre wife. It's spoiling my life. I can't even begin to think about my daughter that died, it makes me feel numb but the thoughts about my husband tie me in knots. Does this sound like it could be ROCD and does anyone know if bereavement can trigger it. My husband thinks my brain can't cope with losing the kids so has fixated on me and him (told you he was patient and understanding). I feel like I'm going mad in my own head and I'm scared and lonely. Thanks for reading x

Hello ;-; idk I feel crazy but now I’m anxious again. My bf came back with me last night after we had a club meeting and he went to love my bag that I had left on my bed and everything spilled out cuz it wasn’t fully zipped cuz I was in a rush and I got a little annoyed and now it’s sparking the question of Do I like sharing a space with him as my partner? It’s triggering both the soocd and ROCD. I’m nauseous. I’m worried I don’t love him as my partner and am just holding onto the relationship cuz we’re about to reach a milestone (1 year of dating) and not cuz I care. I feel like I’m lying. Or don’t love him enough to consider myself bi. Idk I wrote a long post on Reddit that I might repost here for insights cuz nothing is hitting there. I’m just numb. Idk why. It’s not him I don’t think. I laugh with him just fine but I also laugh with my friends. Does that mean he’s just a friend? I know partners are best friends but also more but my brain kept saying “see in this moment when you’re talking to your friend and laughing while your bf is here? You’re not cuddling him, you’re not lovey dovey, you’re laughing with him and leaning on him but no butterflies” to be fair. The reason I haven’t been feeling. Anything? Is cuz I’ve been so stressed and when my bf came over the other night it’s cuz my dog had died and he and my friend were tying to distract me so I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I don’t feel deep love for him when we cuddle or hang out lately. But when I look at him I do. Then I get nauseous. Then I get internally sad and worried I’m just faking my bisexuality. I keep seeing people leave relationships to figure themselves out then they figure out they’re gay. What if that’s me. What if I’ve deluded myself into loving this man when I never have? Like I’m questioning the crush I had on him, the love I felt for him when we first started dating. Was that excitement and joy fake? Did I even love him? Do I just like physical touch? Was my love deep enough? Is it even deep rn? When I feel love it’s usually in my chest and low stomach and my groin, not in a honry way, I don’t wanna jump his bones in that moment. I’m just admiring him. But what if tjays just anxiety? What if my past horniness is all comphet and I never wanted sex with him? I thought I enjoyed it but I haven’t lately cuz I’ve been so disconnected and when we do have it it’s a silent short session sometimes and I don’t get butterflies but I’m satisfied and happy. Not as happy and good feeling as when we first got together but that’s normal right? I’m just so worried I don’t like him, I don’t give a shit about other men tbh it’s him I care about. As long as I love him it’s fine. I’m so confused and annoyed with my brain I just want to throw up a little. What if my excitement about getting engaged one day is fake? And it’s just me wanting the attention of being a bride not cuz I love him and wanna be with him? I can’t even imagine living with him lately. When before sharing a space seemed exciting. Is it normal to feel like this? It’s not that I would hate living with him or find it meh, it’s just stressed cuz he’s a different person and I’ve never shared a space with a person besides my younger brother. Do I just not like him or men and that’s why I’m slightly annoyed about sharing a space with him? I live in a dorm so. Small space right now. Does it just seem meh or am I actually happy about it? Cuz some people I’ve talked to said sharing a space with their male partner is meh and then sharing it with a woman is WOOO. So I’m worried it’s that. I do enjoy sharing a space with him. It’s fun. Not meh. I’ve just been so in my head I can’t do this. I’ve never lasted this long in a relationship so I’m anxious. And worried. And my brain keeps saying “you’re staying cuz you’re too ashamed to leave cuz you’re GAY 🫵🫵you don’t love him you just don’t wanna be ridiculed or hurt him”

Specifically how can my fiance best support me without offering reassurance? I'm trying to encourage myself to grow and keep trying ERP, but I'm not sure how I can include my partner in a healthy way. I plan on talking to my therapist about it soon, but I wanted to hear thoughts from people who have been dealing with it themselves.

How do you guys deal with thinking about or ruminating on past relationships while being in your current relationship? I always feel really guilty thinking about other people or attach a lot of meaning to these thoughts, making it like I should be with those people instead of my current partner.

So my OCD mainly involves real (terrible) events in my life that happened about 5 years ago. When I was 20, I was not a good person. I lacked empathy and did a lot of really shitty things that I would do anything to undo. One of the biggest things I’m struggling with in regards to this is emotional contamination. During this part of my life, I wasn’t afraid to show off for validation from inappropriate sources. This led to me involving so many of my interests in my bad actions. For example, my biggest hobby is dance. I’ve danced since I was a child, and I just got back into taking classes regularly last year. During the time of my event, I sent a video of me dancing inappropriately to someone I shouldn’t have while in a relationship with my girlfriend (who I am still with- she knows everything). This is just one small part of the whole event (my whole event is regarding infidelity with the same person I sent the video to), and once again I know that was a disgusting thing to do and I wish I could take it back. My girlfriend forgives me and doesn’t think think I should let this association impact my desire to dance. But I feel so guilty after I finish a class. I feel so guilty that I feel my absolute best when I’m dancing, but I’ve tainted that by using it as a way to hurt my girlfriend and seek male attention in the past. I know that my guilt surrounding my infidelity is normal, healthy, and deserved. I feel awful even talking about it in relation to my OCD, and it constantly makes me feel like I should not be posting here because my event is serious and not all that OCD related. But so much of ME is tied up in this event. So many things I loved now feel wrong. Dancing, baking, some of my favorite music/TV shows/video games, certain phrases, etc. There is usually at least a hint of feeling like I’ve committed a betrayal all over again any time I engage with anything I loved during that period of my life. I’m sorry for the rant. I could just use someone to relate to. Maybe this is how I’m supposed to feel. Maybe I should stop trying to reclaim those things. Maybe trying to do these interests anyway even though I misused them in the past is just another betrayal. Maybe I’m telling myself these associations are partially OCD, but the guilt is actually a sign that I need to let go of these things and cut ties with all of past me’s “stuff”. Even though my girlfriend says it’s ok to reclaim these things, it feels like an act of selfishness. “Oh, I’ll create terrible, hurtful associations with all of my hobbies and traits and then continue to try to enjoy them after the fact!” It just feels so fucked up. I feel like it’s only right to start over with things I haven’t ruined. But with things like dance, I don’t know how I could let go. It has been a part of me for so long, it is one of my biggest joys, and I used it to hurt the person I love. This whole post sounds very “poor me”. I promise that my biggest concern isn’t “wahhh, I can’t do my hobbies anymore!”. It’s simply how to move forward in life while inhabiting the same body and soul as my greatest enemy. I don’t want any sympathy, and I understand if this post leaves a nasty aftertaste. I’m sorry to everyone that has had to put up with someone like me, and I truly hope that if you’ve been on the other end of actions like mine, you find genuine healing and happiness.

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

I had this friend and he's my only friend at all but we lost touch after I prayed if he's not a good person for me for us not to be friends he was already slowly drifting away but ig it got worse and now when I think about leaving him as a friend (my only friend) I see angel numbers but IM SO DONE HES MY ONLY RELEAS AND THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY ATP IM SO ALONE AND OFC HE COMES MY WAY AND WEVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 5 MOTNHS AFTER NOT SEEING EACOTHER FOR 6 YEARS AND THIS HAPPENS Please understand why I'm mad

Help. TW/nsfw.. incest ocd and trauma I need a little help. I have a family member who put me through a lot growing up, emotional and psychological. But sometimes they traumatized me by not being careful of their sexual stuff around me. Like pleasuring themselves while im in the room or not caring about pornography on their devices while around me. Anyways, my brain has sexualized and fantasized this moments since it happened when I was little. Anyways now that im older that family member and me still are around each other. I get these strong groinal responses whenever it seems like they are touching themselves again or I hear something that sounds like that. The groinal responses get so strong that it can cause climax even if I don’t touch myself. But anyways this groinal feeling and climax has happened while I’ve been around this family member. Either when we sleep in the same bed or are in the same room. They don’t know about this as I am scared to talk to them about this since they caused some of this trauma. Anyways, since this has happened around them it feels like I violated them in some way even though I know I didn’t. And also I started having false memories like “oh what if you did something inappropriate to said family member while they were sleeping and u forgot”…. And I know that’s not true deep down but I let it worry me too much that now I can’t differentiate between what’s real and what’s not. They know about my ocd and I told them about this fear and they said they would know if I hurt them when they were sleeping and to not worry myself. But it’s hard to explain what triggered it since THEY are the trigger. I am scared me having these groinal responses and allowing my body to climax from it (i just sit there and let this disgusting feeling pass, like im not sitting there touching myself) while being near this person is a violation of them. Any advice or help. I feel so weird and gross. I love this family member dearly as they raised me.

Hi, i had this thought today and it scares me, i’m in a relationship, and i have ROCD, i had a thought of “what if someone asks you out in public and you get disappointed when you have to say no” i’m so scared that this will happen, i don’t want this to happen and it terrifies me. I don’t want to get asked out in public cause i’m afraid i’ll feel that way

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

I’ve been held on so long to this idea that my partner did something a few years ago that neither of us can remember and it’s like a huge deal if it did happen and I’m so fixated and it won’t go away and everyone is saying it didn’t happen but what if it did?