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Heyy so has anybody ever experience in rocd like ur scared that what if u liked somebody else or had a crush on somebody else even tho u never had no romantic or sexual feelings for anybody else only ur bf but u still question urself?

I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end

S-so uhm my bf (?) and I have been a little distant and his spotify yesterday was the same where it says that he's my future husband, and today, it was changed. L-like, i-is he g-go-gonna break up with me??? I'm so scared I'm nauseous and I don't want this stress to cause another seizure, but also kinda don't care at the same time because it would ha-have to be my fault??

I'm drowsy, which is a frequent problem in the motel room I live in, but I want to get something posted. I don't have the energy to post everything I need to say. I need someone who can help me navigate forms and processes to do several things, not all of which I'm going to post right now. I'm in an abusive relationship (not physically), and many agree, including The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They said I'm also being financially abused. I have no friends or family IRL, and I'm alone. For years, my only socializing has been giving servers my orders, paying cashiers, discussing services, and talking to my boyfriend (which usually doesn't go well, plus we mostly avoid conversation with each other, because it's best). I can't leave because of OCD, panic disorder, physical disabilities, and finances. I'm severely obese, which has caused a lot of difficulties. I get out of breath just reaching for some things and I deal with a lot of pain and discomfort. I can't walk stores. I often eat at one restaurant (I try to eat as healthy as I can there), but recently, I have to ask for a table closer to the bathroom. They often don't understand how difficult it is for me to walk from further away. I get exhausted and sweaty when using the bathroom and people stare at me. Once in awhile, people ask if I'm OK. I sometimes worry I will have to sit down before I get back to my table if it's not close enough. Using the bathroom takes me an embarrassingly long time, partially for physical reasons, partially because of OCD. I suffer from urge incontinence. I literally have to live my life around it. I've begged my boyfriend to order the much better-fitting, more comfortable, and more absorbent underwear I tried samples of, but he doesn't. The cheap underwear doesn't come in my size and is worse in every way. The OCD and panic disorder are insinuated in pretty much every part of my life, including the disabilities. No one gets it or understands. No one who can help me takes Medicare here. I get overwhelmed easily and my head gets foggy, and I don't have the energy or can't think right (racing thoughts) trying to call resources, and they sometimes rush me, cut me off, or seem impatient. Yes, I am on medication and have been for most of my life. I've been on many medications, and I have a very different opinion of them and the mental health system than when I was young. I'm 57 and I've been dealing with this since I was 10. I have severe dental problems and it affects how I eat, look, speak, and feel. It's humiliating. At the same time, what I eat in general affects my body in unpleasant ways sometimes. Soft foods aren't always the best, but I can't eat really hard foods. My boyfriend and I have lived in a motel room for about six years, plus bounced from hotels for awhile before that, after my boyfriend lost his house. It's hell. I'm not getting into what some label "politics." I have things I need help with regarding that. I could say SO much more, and there's so much I haven't gone into (like the abuse). I need someone who can help me, not just make me feel better because we talked. I need someone who can help me make changes.

TLDR my long distance partner broke my trust a year and a half ago, hasn’t built it back, the trust building things have become compulsions for me and my partner tells me all of it is not based in any reality and is now continuing to break my trust even more because of being burnt out from my rOCD compulsions related to that lack of trust. My long distance partner (they/them) has poor boundaries with women and over the past 2+ years consistently prioritizes connections with them over my comfort. They never flirt but they spend time with and become emotionally close with women who are clearly interested and will talk with women online who flirt with them (they don’t flirt back they just engage them in conversation). But because nothing is ever sexually explicit they’ve always gaslit me about this and told me there’s no flirting going on on the women’s end (there definitely is I’ve checked with other people who confirm it’s definitely flirtatious). They’re very into attention generally and have a pretty big following on tiktok and are in a locally very popular band and go to a lot of shows and it all makes me very uncomfortable. This started in late 2023 when we had a big rupture of trust related to them spending time with a specific woman. At that time I told them you can help me rebuild this trust by giving me information and reassurance when you’re out or with people. They struggled a lot to remember to do this (they have several mental health disorders that affect cognition and memory but this stuff is really simple I never ask for anything elaborate just a few sentences). To this day a year and a half later they still haven’t really started doing it (but they tell me that they have (they haven’t) and that I just choose not to trust them) but the struggle of me trying to get them to give me this information and reassurance has very intensely snowballed from a trust building thing into a massive rOCD compulsion and my entire life has been completely turned upside-down to where I’m constantly ruminating about what they’re doing and who they’re talking to. This has understandably affected them too because it’s difficult being constantly hounded about what they’re doing, to the point for them where they’ve now started no longer asking if I’m ok with them spending time in person with certain women they just do it- not only that but they’re now lying about it and hiding it from me (I find out because I’m good at being able to tell when somethings going on). They tell me that the entirety of this issue is just my rOCD, constantly, because they’re not cheating or having sex with these women so that makes it ok. I’m now in a constant state of panic, I can barely sleep and I can’t function. I don’t know what to do has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’m just at the start of exposures with my therapist but it’s really hard when the triggers are real things that are really happening and my partner makes me feel crazy for having the feelings I have about this. I also have to fight to have any sexually intimate time with them (all over the phone since we only meet up a few times a year) and I’m the main one who initiates the vast majority of the time. I feel completely unwanted and like not a priority and my therapist and I have identified that most of my compulsions are trying to prove to myself that I don’t deserve to be treated poorly, because if I let things go and accept being treated this way it means I deserve it. I’m just generally heartbroken and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I’m graduating from college soon and i have been so stressed about finding a job, signing a lease for an apartment, college ending, I have an ungodly amount of assignments to do, I have a tumultuous relationship with my mother that has recently blown up again, and so much more. I am just so overwhelmed, I snapped at my boyfriend last night. I immediately apologized but i still feel awful. One of my biggest fears is being an abusive partner and i feel like this confirms that I am one. My best friend was also there and he saw me snap at my boyfriend and I’m scared he thinks I’m awful too. He saw me apologize so maybe that makes him think differently, but i can’t know for sure. The logical side of me tells me it’s not that deep, i apologized, and it’s time to move on. But i feel like i need to apologize to my best friend too to make sure he doesn’t think im terrible, but i know thats reassurance seeking. The ocd in me is punishing myself and refusing to move on.

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

Someone I loved was accused of sa 10 years ago on a minor they’re not 26. For some reason my mind keeps making excuses that they were struggling with pocd and acted some way but I know someone with OCD wouldn’t act on their thoughts yeah we think about it but no we would never do it. We aren’t our thoughts. I been finding articles to support why they’d be not guilty I’m in so much denial… but always believe the victim. This is a doubt disorder I know. I reached out to them to ask what happened and they mentioned being traumatized… also mentioned how it’s not only going to affect their family but their future partner. Would a guilty person feel this? I need atleast one comment.. I’m in so much denial because I loved them I hung out with them I created a bond with them… I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend has a mommy kink, something I think I have genuinely come to enjoy after being with him for years. But lately, I’ve been scared that maybe I misunderstood it. I worry that I was unknowingly making myself okay with the idea of seeing him as a child during intimacy. I’m not sure if this is part of the kink or if age play is involved. I don’t know. The fear I keep coming back to is that maybe, I misunderstood the dynamic entirely and was participating in something harmful. I worry that I was participating with a pedophilic mindset and that I was/am fully okay with that. I’m scared that I’ve made myself into a pedophile on accident. Can anyone help? Please

in an ROCD spiral these past few days. i have a very sweet boyfriend who i love very much but i’m so scared my OCD is gonna drive him away. i get really freaked out when he doesn’t say certain things back every time like “i love you” or “goodnight” etc and also as of late he makes jokes about like fictional women being hot and we’ve had convos about like are we not allowed to also appreciate someone else’s attractiveness without reading into it (we’ve both expressed we are monogamous—i’m also demisexual so wondering if my brain just doesn’t think the same way his does) or like he made a joke about how it would be hot to see me kissing another girl (i’m bi) and i think yeah in a perfect world where i don’t have OCD i get the logic behind not reading into these things but every time he makes these jokes or we have these convos it sends my OCD into a major spiral like. if he really loved me and only me why would he even say these things? he is just very blunt and logical and straightforward and sometimes he’s really good at gently challenging my OCD and for him he doesn’t think these things seriously like ik he would never ever cheat on me (we have had discussions about our thoughts on cheating before). but like comments that he makes like this i am sure have no meaning to him other than just jokes or pointing stuff out but my OCD spirals every time he makes them. i’m really scared of ruining this relationship because i feel like i can’t just be the chill girlfriend who doesn’t read into this stuff. please help i’m spiraling and can’t even focus on work ): and it sucks because he really otherwise shows me how much he loves me in many ways and it’s just this thing that i can’t figure out and i keep feeling like having these convos with him will drive him away. or like telling him i don’t want him to make those jokes around me will make him feel like he is walking on eggshells around me and can’t be himself and that will eventually end the relationship which i don’t want. i just want my brain to stop panicking and reading into every single thing but my brain won’t understand what is normal or okay until someone tells me it is. i’m gonna go back to therapy soon but in the interim just wanted to come here. thanks in advance for any words or insight anyone can offer ❤️

can someone read my story i’m feeling lost and confused. MY STORY i’ve grown up in a mostly supportive family and area and we are not homophobic. i grew up knowing what gay people were and i don’t care i grew up not to care. im from nj. my parents are friends with a lesbian couple and we see them once in while. i grew up watching people like joey graceffa whose gay. i also had some school friends that were gay like this kid kevin and this girl elizabeth. i also babysit a little gay boy who likes to dress up as a girl and i always tell him to embrace it and defend him. from a young age i liked male attention and had labeled boys as crushes from my mom says when i was younger to middle school to kissing boys in high school. my mom said every since i was a little girl i would tell her i liked boys. as i got older and in middle school i always wanted guys to want me and thing i was funny and pretty and i would get awkward around them. but i remeber i didn’t have specific things i found hot or attractive and id someone said something was hot i would just agree and start telling myself it was hot even when i didn’t care i just wanted to be cool. then hocd hit at 13-15 during covid where i was so confused. the first time i had hocd i would like not avoid the thoughts i would do a lot of testing to figure it out for hours and hours in diffrent ways and would feel the same arousal and attraction im feeling now. but i remeber wanting to end up straight and try and rule out gay stuff. but it wasn’t avoidance i didnt have anything against gay people. when the thoughts were still there i still would only act on stuff with boys. when i first had it i remeber crying to my mom for like a month and i was like whatever she’s not helping im gonna figure this out by myself. that’s when i started testing myself for two years. over time it was just there. ofc it was distressing but i don’t remember much. slowly when i went to high school it faded because i loved going to parties and flirting with guys and talking about them and thinking what boy am i gonna kiss tonight it’s gonna be a crazy night.when covid ended and we went back to real like i started going to parties and kissing boys. i started dating one boy and we would talk all the time just not really hangout so we broke up because i wanted more male attention and was kinda bored of the relation shop. i started hu with this one boy and like didn’t really know if i was into it cause i kinda wanted to hoe around and we were kinda like locked in and i didn’t know if i wanted that. so he got the hint i wasn’t into it and stopped talking to me moved on to another girl and got popular in the span of like two weeks. after this i was obsessed with him and got all nervous to see him and i always just wanted to be like can we go back to the way we were. we then started to “hate” eachother and i was so sad all the time he didn’t want me anymore and moved on. we hooked up in and off for two years. then i started hooking up with this one kid cause i always thought he was really funny and chill. we hooked up for a little and then i started to get the ick. i then got with like two other boys at parties. so then we stopped talking and i started talking to the “hate eachother kid” again. we then started dating and he’s my current boyfriend of a little over a year. all these instances made me feel good and i loved the attention and drama. but i struggled with committing with people. i don’t know if this all for validation because i loved when men wanted me it gave me an ego boost and still does even if i didn’t really want them or couldn’t get it to last with a boy. i’m scared it was all for attention and confidence there attention gave me. i liked feeling like a baddie. i liked when the hot funny guys liked me now at 18 it’s back and for six months all i been doing is talking to my mom my sister and my dad about it constantly researching and checking and for those six months i was in a haze of just despair. i was also in erp but it was so bad i couldn’t sit with the distress so i didn’t make much progress and my pyscuatrust told me to stop for a while until we get my brain right with meds. after three weeks no erp and more meds of seretonin and rexulti i finally don’t feel distress or anxious but the feelings of attraction are still there. i thought there supposed to vanish. here’s a little more about me or my story a second time i wrote it. i’m from nj and from a supportive family and ig supportive environment and friends. i’m 18. just an fyi my mom is confident in not comphet and she says my attraction to men was exciting and real for me. and in high school okay so growing up my mo said i only liked guys and would talk about guy crushes and had two celebrity guy crushes. this was all the way up into middle school. then when middle school came around i started liking this guy cause he was funny and popular. then we started dating and everytime he would do something affectionate i would start crying and get so tense and freak out so i broke up with him. a year later i still liked him and i got back together with him and the same thing happened so i broke up with him. i think during middle school i liked guys. my mom said i did. i also would get really nervous when any of them would come around to hangout and i wouldn’t talk. but i would also just follow what my friends and sister said. if they said a guy was hot i would just agree. i dont know if i actually found them attractive. i still kinda do this to this day. then covid hit for two years. during those two years i was in my house house and got hocd. so i had hocd sexual intrusive thoughts only and had the groinal really bad. but i would still try and have crushes on guys and think i did. but my hocd also attached itself to one of my pretty friends who was a girl. it made me have a lot of sexual thoughts that i would masturbate to about her. it was about her waist and stuff. before hocd me and her were bestfriends and really close and im not sure if i had feelings for her. i mean i was always jealous cause all the guys always wanted her and thought she was pretty. then we got out of covid and i was now in high school. the hocd slowly faded my freshman year. in the begining of freshman year there was this tall brunette guy who i started talking too for months and started dating and i would get all nervous when he came around. then we broke up cause we never hung out. after that for the next two years i developed what i thought two be two genuine crushes. i would make out with cute guys at parties for the experience and to add cute guys to my kids list. but one thing i did is i would always try to prove i was straight to my mom. like if we were watching tv i would say a guy was hot. i didn’t want her to think i was gay even though she wouldn’t care. i was hooking up with my guy best friend but then started to looses interest but he was still obsessed. one day he caught on i wasn’t into it started hanging out with older people and going to there parties and started hooking up with this older girl. i got super jealous and heartbroken cause he didn’t care about me. i don’t know if this heartbreak and crying was because he got popular, he wasn’t giving me attention, we weren’t friends anymore or because i actually liked him. i always had a thing for him after this. i started going to the older people parties and i always wanted to see him there and make him jealous. one and half years later we started talking again and we started dating. once we started dating we started having sex. almost every time or most of the time i finish when he eats me out, we have actual sex or if we’re just humping. we say i love you and stuff. ths first six months we would do everything together like just little shopping trips or whatever. we were always hanging out. then it started to dial down and i started getting annoyed with him. but i still said love you and we would hangout and have sex but idk. i would have thoughts like we aren’t going to last because he’s not smart enough, and sometimes my mom would say this too. but she would also say how much he loved me and how he was such a sweet guy and how he would do anything for me. but idk i just wouldn’t feel it. then hocd hit again. this time much worse. it was even stronger it felt like with the feelings. the first three months i was in this haze and was crying everyday that i might be gay and how i really really really didn’t want to be. i still have hocd and im in therapy and on medication. i cant tell if my attraction to men is real. my mom says it is and she knows me and im not gay and ive shown genuine excitement about guys. my sister says the same thing. but it feel like ive just been doing it to fit in. the thoughts got bad and ive told my mom my sister my dad and ive wanted to tell my bestfriend. i’ve always found women attractive and i find it easier to find them attractive. i feel like i’ve always maybe had a thing for women but my mom and sister both say i never had and it’s only been men but i don’t know. Am I attracted to men? am i attracted to women? i don’t want to be gay! but i feel like i am and i have internalized homophobia since i just want to be straight and normal. it feels like i really do like women but i don’t want to accept it. i get turned on when i kiss my boyfriend and i finish driving sex most the time but i’m scared i don’t want to be kissing him. what if i lack a strong connection. i mean i enjoy cuddling and stuff too. i have all these feelings like butterflies groinals and feelings of alignment with sexual and romantic thoughts with women. i feel like ive just been following along with what i know when it comes to being straight. i’m not like other girls who are obsessed with guys and have all these celebrities crushes or are obsessed with biceps and jawlines. i feel diffrent cause i don’t even know what i find attractive. i don’t even know what im supposed to feel. it feels like i feel attraction easier to women. like little things about them. i feel like i maybe always had this feeling but pushes it away as admiration. also i had “crushes” on any boy that gave me attention. currently at 18 im in a relationship right now for over a year. when we have sex i finish most of the time. i finish during sex and head. i’d say i enjoy and im engaged. like today me and my boyfriend had sex twice he gave me head and fingered me. i finish for all four. i like nararate what’s happening in my head to get turned on and focus. like how we’re having sex and about things about him how he’s so good to me. or like i think of a sex scene i’ve seen on tv and imagine that like i’m the girl ig so it feels like im focusing on the girl but like i don’t think i am. if i let my mind go blank i don’t feel anything. i have to really relax and tell myself things that are happening to turn me on. if i was lesbian would i do this like does this show im attracted to men? also like when my bf talks about marriage im not like other girls i feel like im not obsessed with it like my sister or confident that he’s the one even tho he’s perfect. its so unfair. like i just think to myself i haven’t experienced enough and what if this is going no where and idk i don’t day dream or think about getting married. why?? im just scared all this attraction hasn’t been genuine or “comphet” which ive read about. recently for the second time with hocd it’s this undeniable pull of attraction towards women and it’s confusing and i think most of the time makes me really sad. im diagnosed and medicated for my ocd for this theme. the feelings are strong and intense and sometimes feel like it’s me or i want or enjoy it. it’s really confusing because i don’t want to be gay but idk if it’s for the wrong reasons. these feelings are really easy and strong and like idk not like what i feel to guys. it’s just idk if im as obsessed with guys like my friends are. it comes easily to them and im always like do i feel that why dont i feel like hes hot. i mean idc if people think im homophobic ig but like im not i think like i dont really care what you are and i babysit this gay boy and i always tell him to embrace it but lesbian and bi women idk make me feel a lot and i hate it. like i feel strong arousal or a feeling of a pull towards women want it or an urge or nervous excitement and butterflies. i am taking a break from erp since my physcatrist said im not ready since i cant sit with distres yet so she started new meds for my ocd and now the distress is like gone but the physical symptoms are still there and feel really strong and real and come effortlessly or easier. i just wish i had this for men. like six months of just crying distress non stop and now it’s just like calm but like all the feelings are still there and i thought they were supposed to go away when the distress went away. it’s like i don’t feel the fear anymore. it feels like im considering it. its it real? i still feel depressed when i think it is. like idk its like this darkness. when im straight im happy. its like yeah the distress went down but i still dont want it to be true but cant tell if it is. idk it just feels like its stronger then men. like have i been pushing aside or not realizing attraction to women and to busy with male validation? do i have internalized homophobia because gay feels like the scariest outcome? would i have had all these experiences with men if i wasn’t attracted to them? would my mom and sister also confidently say i like men? is this all just hold false attraction? i hope so. it’s weird cause i have hocd fear of being lesbian. i would love to be straight and feel that way again all the problems would be solved. like i rather be straight then won the lottery. or if a genie gave me three wishes i would wish to be completely straight. would i feel this way if i was actually lesbian which is my fear. And back to u know how in covid i had hocd where for two years i was trying to figure out if i liked girls. and then it slowly faded when covid ended and i was 15. after covid i went back to kissing boys at parties and down the shore when i would go out because i enjoyed there attention it made me feel good. it was also fun to do like kiss boys and flirt and it added to the night it was fun to talk about it. i only would act on stuff with men want to snapchat men like male attention and was jelous when other girls got it and snaps from boys or kissed i hot guy i wanted to kiss and have that experience. i didn’t really think about girls i don’t think. i mean sometimes it popped in my head but i think it scared me or i would just brush it off. would i have done this if i was comphet lesbian? or like i just want to know is it likely i’m lesbian or bi and didn’t realize or did but ignored it? like i feel like liking girls is so normal where i live but idk i still feel uncomfortable like when i go to the mall i always see lesbians. and like my straight girl friends have crushes on girls. or there’s lesbians in my school. but idk i still have this feeling when u see them. or when i imagine it. it’s like would i have gotten into a relationship at 17 with a man and have sex with him and consistently finish and hang out once a week and we’re still dating after a year and a half. like am i attracted to men? can the attraction to men go away? can i conclude i’m not lesbian and will never be one. like im either straight or bi with prefrence for men not women or can that change. or like would my mom and sister know since we’re super close?

Hello everyone! Is there anyone who told their partners that you experienced POCD in the past or that you are experiencing right now? How did they handle it? Did they understand it? Were they supportive? I'm creating future scenarios in my mind that I need to confess this to a future partner.

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.

I feel like a lot of my fears are actually just centered around what other people think of me because I'm scared of being abandoned and no one loving me anymore. I don't actually feel like my fears are about being a good person. And then when I have this thought it makes me feel even worse because many people here genuinely seem to be scared of being a bad person. I feel like an actual bad person who's more concerned with appearances than anything else :(. I keep having these thoughts like what kind of person am I when I'm alone and with my thoughts. And then I get scared to be alone.

I started feeling a certain way in each relationship I’ve been in after a certain amount of time and it feels like it’s something to do with relationship OCD or something like relationship anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed with any type of disorder and so on but it just fills all the boxes that I’ve noticed and I’m worried that my relationship right now is slowly coming to a halt because of it potentially 💔. I have anxiety when I’m about to be talking to my girlfriend at times or when I have to call her and when she’s over and does certain things and it worries me so much and makes me wonder that is it ROCD or am I just not interested as much anymore? The anxiety definitely plays a role in my emotions too which causes me to not show as much too sadly. Can anyone help with this? I can’t see any therapists on here since my insurance (Ambetter) isn’t covered here

Judgy thoughts. I constantly have thoughts criticizing my boyfriend. Some of these are based on insecurities like our height difference, him being shorter than me. It just feels like I always have these negative thoughts and feelings and I always feel like I need to tell my boyfriend. I **know** they’re hurtful but I feel like I’m being dishonest or something if I don’t say something. Why do I constantly want to point out his shortness or if he has a smell that may not be too pleasant (completely human, nothing foul). Why can’t I ever keep it to myself. I used to be able to because I think the normal thing is to notice and move on. I don’t understand why I just can’t or why these thoughts are so persistent. Like I’m constant looking for a flaw. It’s so draining and I can’t imagine how exhausting it is for him apart from confusing and hurtful :( I love him

like the title says, i also suffer from cancel culture OCD, even more these last two months in which i have noticed that several people have been deleting me from social media, in fact two days ago i had a spiral as someone recently blocked me. i won't go into it to avoid the compulsion to confess but basically i had issues before with my ex and some of his friends that he himself ended up involving, even though we are on good terms he made sure to make me look like i was the problem and several mutual friends have been detaching themselves from me. the thing is, i see many people say that to fight their cancel culture OCD they delete their social media and then just. disappear. but i don't want to do this - i don't want to hide, i want to stay in the public eye and create things, in fact, i am an artist. but since the last year now i live in constant fear and also somewhat sensitive to what others think of me thanks to the rumors about me and i'm afraid that one day i might be "exposed" or something like that; and i also feel like i'm "pretending" to be a good person all the time. so, with what i already said, how do i deal with this without having to resort to deleting my social media? i think that exposing myself every day and continuing to post things on social medias despite the constant fear and guilt i feel would count as ERP, right? thanks.

for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?

What’s your experience on: Losing opposite gender attraction? And, False attraction to same gender? I have both and I feel like I don’t know who I am. I can’t parent or be a husband due to the mass panic and anxiety. Just wanted to know if anyone has had both and regained theirself?