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the NOCD Community

I am new to this. I recently was reading the Bible and then had a horrible blasphemous thought and it was vile and intrusive. It hasn’t gone away and now I’m questioning whether I will go to heaven or not if God will forgive me. I cried and cried and I kept repeating numbers in my head or stating different colors in my head. I asked God to help me but the thoughts won’t go away like it’s cutting me and I keep seeing the scar. I didn’t do good at work because I keep getting sweaty from guilt I tired to be more productive than usual so I wouldn’t think but then would stutter over my words bc the thoughts wouldn’t let me breathe. Then at home I tried to drown myself in alcohol only to end in a fight with my husband. And none of this is in chronological order because I feel dumb just writing all this. The most important thing is I know I Love God , Jesus and the Holy Spirt. I just want to feel better and not feel like a complete monster 😔😢

What advice would you give for someone struggling with religious and relationship ocd? Thank you guys for being here and I’m glad i have a community i can confide in!

Hi guys, I have recently discovered my OCD and it’s specifically about religion. Recently, I have been upset with God because I haven’t understood why I have these struggles (even though logically I can understand that everyone has different struggles). As a response to this anger and frustration, I’ve gotten some REALLY bad thoughts that go directly against God and that are really hateful to Him. Even though I’m mad I don’t want these thoughts, but I am really struggling to get them under control. I can’t tell whether these thoughts are actually how I feel or not because they are SO extreme. Like how do I process anger without being hateful towards God? Why are these horrible thoughts popping up? If anyone has any advice please let me know. Thank you so much.

I’m having difficulty sleeping again. My left arm is hurting and I’m experiencing a slight headache. I can rationalize it out but it’s still keeping me up because I’m scared I will die in my sleep. (My arm hurts because of crocheting for hours on end and my headache is from sinuses) I shouldn’t be scared because I know I’ll go to Heaven. But it’s still keeping me up. I think about death then my son and husband and how they would be devastated. And keeps going… Any tips to help me sleep

I just lost my job today again and my parents (who possibly both have OCD) have been super frustrated that I have been let go from so many jobs. My dad said “I’m so tired of this s***” and now hearing that is making me feel worthless. My boss was very mean and had unrealistic expectations and I even prayed about it too. I just feel like a failure honestly. I do have a couple of upcoming interviews, but I just want to give into my compulsions so bad. I am a Christian and believe that God will work things out, but my parents are pissed at the way I continue in jobs. I am trying everything I can, but my parents also seem to control everything and it is frustrating.

is it okay to take a break from reading your bible once in a while? sometimes my ocd gets really bad and reading scriptures and verses sometimes make it worse. but i feel bad for not doing it.

Hi everyone. I really want to go back to enjoying my life. I know its possible as i felt like this before 7 years ago but i am to much in my head to remember how i snapped out of it. I keep having panic attacks. I know there panic attacks. I know there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I know im not gonna just drop dead. Yet i keep getting anxious. I absolutely love my life. I have a job i enjoy. A loving husband and two beautiful children. Although we have normal life struggles i am still happy with my life. Yet 4 weeks ago my panic attacks started again. After being dormant for 7 years. Im afraid of death and leaving my family and life. I dont know why i am so afraid. I am a Christian (although i dont go to church) i believe in God and i believe my life is planned out for me. I believe whatever is gonna happen will happen and we are just along for the ride. I know whenever my times comes it will be my time. No amount of panicking will change that. I guess despite my faith i am human and the unknown of death and the fear if what i believe isnt real i could cease to exist and thats terrifying. I just want to be able to take on life not living in fear.

I am in extreme depression now. I am not getting a job. I graduated almost 9 years ago and still jobless. I really want to earn money and live an independent life. I am 30 years old and still not married. These things are causing me anxiety. It doesn't mean i haven't tried. I really tried my best to get a job and get married but all in vain. I also prayed alot. I am not impatient. I bore patience for a long time but now its getting harder for me. I feel so miserable. Please pray for me. I feel like giving up. 😭😭😭😭

I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist environment. As a kid/teen, I was having panic attacks and experiencing crippling doubt and uncertainty, specifically involving the concept of hell. The idea that anyone could do anything to completely invalidate their life was, and still is, a very triggering thought for me. I have since left behind all forms of Christian thinking (or so I thought), but after some sessions with my therapist, it’s starting to feel like just traded one dogma for another in the form of OCD. Not intentionally, of course, but the thought patterns that led me to spend so many months terrified of hell and eternal punishment seem to rear their ugly heads when it comes to OCD and the punishment I feel I “deserve.” Has anyone else experienced this? Is the ex-Christian to OCD pipeline real?

I don’t know how anyone does it! I’ve tried so hard to face my intrusive thoughts because I’m so tired of my mind telling me to do things over and over or else my mom will die. I know it won’t happen but my mind refuses to let me let it go. I don’t mean to bother anyone who isn’t religious but I just have to also get this off my chest. I’ve never been more ashamed of myself for how I’ve acted today revolving God. I love God more than anything and yet I can never fully put my faith in him because I’m so scared. No matter how many quotes and bible verses I read telling me to let go of my fear, I can’t. I’m terrified to even move at this point. I understand I need to get a job and get outside more. But how can I do that when I too scared to leave my bed because I know what my day will consist of. All I do is sleep because I’m so drained, I’ve completely lost myself. I just keep telling myself others have it worse because it’s true, I just wish these thought would go away because I’m tired of feeling like I’m crazy.

does anyone else have this? over the past couple of days i’ve developed i guess a new compulsion where i just feel like i need to constantly pray over every little thing or something bad will happen. if im on tiktok or see anything where any person is struggling in any way or maybe not even but they just look sad or something i feel like i have to pray , also the same thing when it comes to my family, bf, friends or pets. i pray abt and for them like 30 times a within an hour and im not exaggerating 😭. i feel scared and worried that if i don’t word it right or include everyone i have ever cared about something bad will happen to them or to me.

it’s been getting really hard to pray. like the thoughts are constant. i can’t concentrate, and it’s just tiring. i feel like a failure to God sometimes. I know that’s not true but still. Not to mention that praying is a compulsion of mine and i do it a lot so i’m just stressed out all the time. I feel bad if i don’t pray over the littlest things. because ik my prayer can make a big impact. i’ve had ocd for years, so none of this is new but it’s like coming at full force. how am i supposed to have a relationship with God if my prayer life isn’t doing well?

I’ve never been religious, and I don’t plan to be. I’m happy with what I believe in, but sometimes I think about what would happen if I’m wrong. What if I will suffer for my sins? What if I find out god is real before it’s too late to save my soul? I’ve spent so long being suicidal but death absolutely terrifies me in a way nothing else could.

Hello. My wedding is fast approaching, and my OCD has ramped up. It’s wild how sometimes OCD can really make you feel cut off from yourself, and how you have to put your relationship to your feelings in a difference context. I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet. I have noticed that my intrusive thoughts/worries/feelings seem to focus on two major fears, attraction and whether God wants us to marry, and when one of those seems reassured enough to experience some more excitement and joy, the other pipes up. I’m still doing all the things I need to do to get ready for the wedding, and I’m communicating with my fiancé every day. I’m not avoiding those things. I know I care deeply about him. It’s just hard not to put meaning into some of the things I feel, and I end up being in just this resigned state some days, wondering if I will ever feel truly connected with my emotions and able to trust how I feel again someday, or not. I’m posting in case someone else can relate. That numb feeling is the worst; when you feel hollow. And then your OCD asks you how long you’ve felt that way, and downplays anything else you may have felt. I really do want to be in a different, more positive mindset in this time of wedding preparation. The stakes of my fears seem so high. And yet, I know I’m not turning around. I just…want to feel more prepared emotionally.

Hi, I'm 17 and I'm not sure if I have OCD My symptoms started in lockdown and I was really scared my parents would get covid and something really bad would happen so: I kept praying to God, taking my shoes off to pray again and again before I left to go somewhere In my religion(Hinduism) materialistic things are ignorance so I'd balance my phone in a risky position and pray everyday --- then I thought that by sacrificing materialistic things (ignorance) like chocolate and music I could go to my dream uni ---then I kept thinking about my mum and I kept thinking she might get cancer so I kept sacrificing things like wearing make up, nice clothes and I kept limiting how much food I ate. I 'fasted' a lot and I prayed for an hour every night. I thought I would regret it so much if I wore make up because id suffer from the ignronave of the materialistic pleasures When I was eating,I would keep looking at a picture of Lord Krishna and swallowing really fast to avoid the materialstic pleasures of taste. I can only do some things by thinking 'i promise to god I'll eat this chocolate' for example. I don't think my symptoms are normal and I really don't know what to do.

I’m so tired of this. Life shouldn’t be like this and I think I’m just at my breaking point. I just want to live a normal life and be happy but I guess you can’t get everything you hope for. I pray every night for God to just take me. I want to live but not like this.

My psychiatrist hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet, but mentioned that I could have OCD (suicidal OCD). The more I look into it, the more I relate to Relationship OCD. As I look back at my old journal, I feel like I can totally see the possibility of me having relationship OCD. I’m curious if these count as obsessions: 1. Fear that the relationship was going to end (it did) 2. Fear that I was going to say or do something to make him stop loving me 3. Fear I made him an idol in my life (Scrupulosity OCD) The relationship caused me so much distress. I could not stop worrying about the relationship all the time and couldn’t think about schoolwork or anything else. Do these count as compulsions: 1. Constantly having conversations with him & others about the relationship 2. Constantly praying & journaling about the relationship I meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an ADHD assessment but I’m so interested in learning about all this stuff & figuring it out… which I read could be a compulsion. Would appreciate any comments!

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

So I was given fluoxetine for my OCD and I'm worried because you know I'm a Christian and I do believe one day God can heal me but what do I do with my meds my mental health doctor prescribed it to me I was wondering should I keep taking it many say I shouldn't because it is too much serotonin and it doesn't help like natural serotonin and now I'm worried

Any Christians on here? How do I do ERP for SO OCD? I feel like it's goes against God when purposely filling my mind with these thoughts. Any tips or advice to overcome? Thanks.