Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I want to crawl out of my own skin I don't know why God put me on this earth I don't know why my brain is broken Im a lost cause and I don't know why I haven't ended it

Please give me positive motivation to go to church for Easter. I might ask my mother if I can get baptized again. I just feel like I need to for some reason I mean it’s probably my ocd saying “you better get baptized or you remain like this forever” etc but I wanna feel like I changed if I have had any secular thoughts. I’m thinking about going back to the church I grew up with. It would make me feel so much better if I got baptized. I’m Christian by the way.

I am really worried about this, I have OCD but I feel like this isn't OCD. It didn't even have the usual intrusive feeling anymore. I woke up, then was wide awake, my phone was dead so wasn't recording for proof and I really think something was next to me and was saying I "can eat if I sell my soul", and I was like no no, and then it was asking like, how about something else, that you can't do on your own, (like Robert Johnson myth), and with how real it seemed, and those aren't even the way my thoughts go even the intrusive thoughts cause of how long its been, it was no to food then that was brought up, I am so worried it happened, it seemed so real that it had to have been. I am now so terrified that I sold my soul and now I don't know what to do. I can't get help, or eat, or do anything that will benefit me in anyway because it must be from me selling my soul. i know people say you can't sell your soul, but lots of people think you can and no one knows for certain! this wasn't how it ever is at all and it must've happened! is there anyway to get it back if it did happen?

Ive been on this platform on and off for quite some time now. The last months have been quite challening. I started with erp but I still struggle to do it consistently. Idk if anyone can relate to what I am about to say, but sometimes when my anxiety is a bit hightened again, I get ocd dreams about my obsession and the feelings I have in the dream are lasting - so I feel them in reality as well - although I mostly feel them when I have nothing do to and I get hit with intrusive thoughts. That lasts probably for a couple of days and its an absolute nightmare. At the moment I am so sad that I feel like I am not able to date because I don’t really feel attraction towards men atm. This always changes but often times when ocd gets worse, my normal attraction fades away. A lot of people around me are getting into relationships and everybody seems to have their lives together and I feel like the odd one out. I wish to get married and have kids but it seems so far away from me right now and I feel quite depressed about it - and I get intrusive thoughts about this as well (that I don’t want to have a boyfriend etc) I wish to find some christian friends on here to talk about this journey, especially when you hope that God will deliver you from all this. I would be glad to connect with people!

These are some of my experiences with some theatrical flare to better depict how it feels. I decided to share this because when I saw this community I suddenly felt less alone in more human. Lovecraftian door Lurker: I don’t know the subtypes so I’ll just be talking about my relationship with OCD. OCD! that lonely woman in the ocean singing your praise's, sure she’ll love you forever! Of course she isn’t a siren planning on dragging you to the depths and tearing you to shreds. OCD! that haunting whisper in the wind calling you to fly! fly! OCD! that Lovecraftian abomination chanting at you from behind a locked door. Banging demanding you bow to it’s will. For me it latches on to my trauma and PTSD circling them like some demented teacup ride. A daily occurance for me is recalling the day I died when I was like 6 i remeber each detail of the day the kids i met the activtes we particapated in, the heat. The height of the slide before i plummeted to my death. This day consumes my life. “Thud thud!” I ask my parents about it often they tell me it never happened i tell them they weren’t there. Each time they lie and say I’ve never told them. My boyfriend whom I’ve been with for three years hears the story offten and often deals with me asking him if he’s seen me ask my parents. “Thud Thud” Each time he says yes and I asked how they responded “like you’ve never told them.” I constantly become afraid that my boyfreind will drown because he can’t swim. “Thud! Thud!” and because he can’t swim that the car will go off the road into some body of water and he will die. ”Thud! Thud!” I feel the water filling my lungs turning them into fire, the fear of reaching out my hands with no aid. “THUD! THUD! And he will die alone too and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! THUD THUD!” I scream that same fire fueling my rage my tears running down my face like gasoline igniting the thought spiral further burning deeper into my self hatred. I scream again banging my hands on my head. Wish and hoping it will shut up the thoughts.“why? Why?! WHY!” Sobbing until I’m nothing but a puddle. . . Ya know a few months ago I was depressed the thoughts became too much, so I wanted to get high. I thought it would make them stop “Thud! Thud!” So I took a gummy it was unpackage, from a friend of a friend so now the word dog, in reference to a person is a permit part of my vocabulary. And I have memories from being in a comma because it turned out to be DMT and my 6 hour trip end up feeling like 6 months of HELL. The ocd thoughts that i usually see, in a flash became so real that i just cried for hour terrified i was stabbing my eyes out dead and this was my purgatory for leaving the church. ”Thud! THUD!” I stopped using my favorite water bottle after that. Before the incident The bottle up against the wall with the straw to the side of the wall because the thought that would repeat in my head would be that because of my clumsiness I would trip and fall onto the straw and it would stab my eye out and kill me. I had this thought often I kept look up what to do if you accidently get something stab/stuck in your eye. “Thud! Thud!”

Hi I have a question. I love jesus he changed my life and Made me a better person but my ocd loves to confuse me so I have a problem where I remember something in the past and I repented ofc but not it makes me question my intentions and my ocd always puts the are you lying to God card which makes me super scared and then doubt occurs and I'm so exhausted I misinterpret a lot like the voice of God I keep hearing tell the truth and repent now that's it all Good if it were true see ik I'm telling the truth not because of some feeling it's because ocd's version is so ridiculous but It feels soo real I just Want go to God without feeling this fear if I'm lying to him and I fear if somehow I'm wrong. So much anxiety and questions like what if that is gods voice what if I'm wrong pls pray for me and I see videos and I'm scared if that video was sent to me by God telling me to "tell the truth" I say that because my ocd is causing me to doubt the truth being that ocd is wrong

What’s involved in this process? •demons •tyrants (actual people) •replacing hobbies with church I believe we were all born with talents, interests, I don’t think religion or spirituality should ever be a hobby or something for fun or to dive into when ur bored religion or spirituality should only be approached when needed needed crucially needed is what I’m starting to believe. That just makes sense. Why would God want us thanking him constantly when he just wants to help us and want us to know like “hey bro here if u need anything holler at me.” and like he kicks up his feet and does his own thing, like what if god is just like that and then here I am having mad anxiety that I just put Gods name I lowercase but I meant no disrespect towards god when doing that. n that’s my point again, why would the person who created me to experience feeling grass on my thighs and walking this earth to look at sunsets he creates for us each day n eat good yellow mangos n explore rainforest and ultimately “LIVE LIFE.”, of course I would assume the one who wanted us to experience life on earth for a bit would maybe perhaps be like any ordinary day and say, “make good decisions.” Before you walk out the door, like imagine the whole Bible was just those 3 factors I’ve just pointed out •live life • make good decisions •I’m here if you need me I’m really gonna create the type of God that works for me idc anymore this is really giving me so much peace Do/Did many/most people with OCD have an absent parent/abusive parent? I’m starting to think that could also be another reason why OCD is developed Is that already a proven fact? Would make lots of sense.

my ocd and anxiety has been so bad a couple of days… so i started liking this guy that i am friends with and we also went to prom together… after prom, i caught feelings for him even more because he’s so respectful and nice… but he is also a boy that acts like one… but overall he’s rlly sweet.. the other day though since we go to the same school we were in the parking lot after school with our friends just talking and socializing… but once he was leaving i went to go give him a hug and hugged me… my other guy friend was with us who’s also friends with him and hugged him too and whispered in his ear and said “yo u and sav would be a good couple” and he nodded saying “yes” (my guy friend told me that) so eventually i told him saying “yeah i like him” blah blah but there is a problem that bothers me so badly… my friend likes him… i didn’t tell her for a while until i think my OCD was just bothering me sm if i didn’t tell her so i told her how i felt and i was just saying like “i don’t want this to ruin our friendship or anything but i have feelings for him…” yada yada… she was like “i understand but if i’m honest with u if u ask him out i will be upset” i’m just like i wasn’t planning to rlly i can’t tell if he rlly likes me anyways but i didn’t say that… i said “i’m just telling u how i feel” and she goes “i mean i would see u guys anyways because u guys are closer” then she says “can i ask u something and a non rude way” and i was like sure…. she goes “since i’m the first person that liked him can i give it a try if it doesn’t work that’s that” and i was like girl idk it’s Gods plan if it doesn’t work it doesn’t if it does it does” and i’m saying that in the most mature and respectful way yk? because i am christian i’ve been praying about it also. so we were good after that but my anxiety and OCD has been so horrible… i’m uncomfortable around them because she flirts with him but i don’t and she did it on ft when i fell asleep on ft and my best friend was on there and had to hear it….she told me that he does it back she just can’t tell if he’s joking or not… but i’m so overwhelmed about it i’m having thoughts like “what if u and him stop being friends” … “what if something bad happens” …. “what if ur not confident in yourself enough where he won’t like you” …. “what if this is a love triangle” i’m just so sick of this and i don’t wanna be so distraught over a stupid boy because i’ve been through sm with my past talking stage thinking it will work but now im like rlly cauious over being in a relationship now…

Please don’t judge until you read this I have religious beliefs and I want to understand the lgbt community but my beliefs is that being lgbt is a lustful sin and I don’t like it. I have been trying to tell people I’m not trying be mean it’s just what I read in the Bible and what I believe. But I’m not gonna kick my friends out if they were to come out at any point. And I’m not trying to spread my beliefs but it is also my calling as a Christian to spread the gospel as well but I do believe that you can still be saved even if you’re lgbt if you believe in god but I worry about that because my god doesn’t want people to keep sining over and over again and I love people but I hate how they don’t understand me. So I just try and pray for them and hope they understand. I feel horrible so I never know if I want to go back to god or not.

Hi everyone. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with religious OCD. I'm a Christian and I struggle with Harm OCD but then somehow, my religious beliefs got mixed into this where I am suddenly asking all these questions on whether God/Jesus is even good. And as a result, I feel so distant from my faith which makes dealing with my harm OCD so much harder 😢 Any advice would be appreciated.

My husband and I host karaoke. Last night, we had a couple men offer up $200 to get someone in line after we had booked up. Which is ludicrous, and I wouldn’t have accepted it… we’re a local dive bar in the middle of nowhere. So I explained that I would see what I could do, but they didn’t need to pay us. And that we’ve had issues before with accepting money like that and being dragged across the Internet and called greedy. Some of my singers dropped out of the lineup, so I was able to get that girl a spot. She was 5th in line when a local, well off community member came up and offered us $300 to put her next. I could tell that they were all passionate about hearing her sing, and I touched his hands with the money and said you don’t need to do that, I’ll make her next. Don’t worry about it! And then he STILL put the money in the tip jar. I practically begged him not to do it. That it wasn’t necessary. And I said I couldn’t accept the money, and he said “yes you can.” He was so kind and hugged me as I cried and thanked him, and he asked “is this going to help yall out?” And I told him yes, and he asked why and I explained that we had a lot of debt. He proceeds to give me another $500. I’m crying, I’m still telling him it’s too much and that I can’t accept it, he’s still telling me I can. Point being, now I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for him to wake up in the morning and regret it or ask for it back, or something wild. I can’t accept good things that happen to me. I’m always waiting for things to go wrong. I feel like I never deserve blessings like this. Me and God have a complicated relationship. Even more so now that I’ve learned that excessive prayer is a compulsion I struggle with. But last night, my husband and I prayed that we would get through the night, physically, mentally and monetarily. Just enough to be able to pay a little bit down on one of our loans we’ve been stuck on. And then this happens. No naturally, OCD has taken a very strong foothold and has told me I don’t deserve this, that this is going to be taken away, that something bad is going to happen because I accepted this money, that it only happened because I prayed for it and if I stop praying bad things will happen. It’s been a nasty spiral all morning. When I should just be like everyone else and accept the blessing with gratitude and peace, and choose to believe there are good people in the world who want to help people out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It’s a rough morning (and I even feel guilty for saying that, because I should just be grateful)

Hello! I’m 17 and I already go to a therapist for anxiety and OCD and I feel like the wider amount of people I ask for advice may help me find other ways to improve. So in short, I keep getting thoughts of this one time I was pinned down by my uncle (I think? It’s a bit blurry) and all that I know was that after I was crying and I was pushing him away. I don’t know maybe it was because of the lack of space or control of the situation, I tend to get really anxious and even cry when I cannot control situations, whether it’s on planes or literally driving places I have to constantly check around me so I can Prepare to get hit by a car or run off the highway. I come up with numerous plans to escape school shootings without being harmed and even saving my friend, I have found out where her classes are and how I can take her and run out of there and I have been trying to get fit incase I have to fight back to protect myself and anyone I love but it is a constant thought. Another thing that comes to come constantly is the taste of my mouth, right now I ate dried strawberry’s ( I love dried fruit) and I have that lingering taste in my mouth and I want to throw up and my stomach feels still empty but I literally ate lunch already and breakfast so I wonder why sometimes I try to put salt on my tongue to make it go away but it just won’t. Another thing I am Christian so I Often pray, but when I pray I have to atleast do the cross symbol on my face 2 times, or any even number, I usually do it when I’m eating, when I wake up, when I get on the bus, when I get in my car, and when I go to sleep (4 times when I sleep, 2 times for the other times) and when I forgot I do it 8 times and sometimes I wonder if I’m doing enough, anyways that’s all I can write currently, any advice for this would be appreciated.

Hey all. I need help. I am sitting on my bathroom floor freaking out and convinced that all my work towards getting better has gone out the window. I am so scared of the “bad guy” getting me all the time. I constantly feel like I have to prove to God that I don’t mean these awful feelings and thoughts that I have about the bad guy. I’ve had trouble sleeping tonight, going in and out of consciousness, all while dealing with bad thoughts going in and out of my head. Finally I woke up and am flooded with “you have so many thoughts and feeling that you let slide while you were trying to sleep. You had thoughts that you accepted the bad guy and you didn’t dispute them before you tried to move on. You have so much to answer for.” So now I’m sitting here in my bathroom floor hysterically crying and begging God to believe me when I say I don’t any of these thoughts or feelings… please someone help

I don't even believe in God but I start praying every time I am anxious and when something doesn't go the way I planned I just think that it's because I disappointed Him. What the fuck is wrong with me?! I even keep a necklace that make me feel protected and when I get over the anxiety attack I just feel so stupid.

im so afraid. someone said that blasphemy of the holy spirit is when you say something thats untrue. and my ocd is having a field day with it. i believe God is amazing, great and forgiving. however why are my thoughts this way, it gives me anxiety down to my toes and makes me want to vomit. im sorry if this triggers someone or anything. God Bless, Jesus Loves You.

worried about loving the gift over the Giver. this morning I woke up and had a thought of “do you really feel like getting up and spending time with Jesus? love is doing things for the other person even when you don’t feel like it” and then a thought of “valuing the gift (my boyfriend in my case) over the Giver…that is idolatry”. boom “idolatry”. i don’t wanna idolize, but i got so overwhelmed that i stayed in bed for another 3 hours bc i felt ashamed and guilty. feeling super guilty rn. then i feel guilty for seeking relief about our relationship… today just felt off. i’m telling myself it’s OCD & then i feel guilty for not reading my Bible bc what if i really do value my partner over God…

I’m a devout Christian and was taught to take my thoughts captive. I started struggling with horrendous intrusive thoughts about 8 months ago. It made me incredibly sick and I almost didn’t make it. I’ve read many books and I’m new to NOCD. How does taking your thoughts captive work with OCD treatment?

I have terrible ocd. Lots of different subtypes but the one that bothers me most is religious ocd. The advice I've been given is to go to only one priest for confession (I'm Catholic) and to listen to his advice. I've been doing that lately and I'm actually taking his advice (like, for example, that if I committed a mortal sin, I'd know for sure.. When there's doubt about whether or not I've done smth wrong, it's likely not mortal and I can recieve communion). I've read that this is good advice for scrupulous ppl. So I'm finally taking his advice but it's so scary! My biggest fear is receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin.. But I need to trust what the priest is telling me. Any other Catholics in this situation? I'm proud of myself for actually taking his advice but it's terrifying at the same time..What if I'm fooling myself and can't admit to myself that I actually did commit a mortal sin, but he sees it as doubt..like, I don't know if I'm doubting I've sinned or if I'm in denial about sinning.. If anyone knows what I mean..I also realize that full will needs to be involved in mortal sin and the presence of doubt is often a sign that even if I did sin, it wasn't fully willful so that's why it's not mortal.. But I'm still unsure and afraid. But that's probably cuz I have ocd and anxiety. Lol.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation.. And if it gets easier to listen to your confessor's advice even though it's scary and not what your OCD wants.

This is not meant to fend anyone- rather your religious or not- somewhere in the middle-ect just expressing how I I feel.. I haven’t been to church since I was like… 13 years old… I’m now 34. I was raised Christian. My dad was the one who encouraged Christianity/church as a kid but he also is the person who sexually and verbally abused me, he also was an alcoholic and crack addict/drug addict. Not saying people with severe substance issues can’t be religious HOWEVER as a child he hurt me, over and over and over again. Once him and my mom split up I stopped going to church cuz I rebelled and felt like he only went to church to hide the truth of who he was. It’s just how i felt. I don’t know know truth and want know the truth becuase he died 2 years ago. The truth wouldn’t matter anyways. I’m also bisexual, and don’t beleive some of the (in my opinion) hateful judgmental things I see spread by certain religions, i do get religion is a spectrum tho. Long story to say, my 11 year old daughter has many friends who go to this specific christian church, and I agreeed to sign her up for a summer basketball team the church offers- only because the schedule worked for us and she knows kids in the program. She’s been asking to go to a few Sunday services in order to get to know the ppl /kids more so when she starts basketball she will know some ppl. So today, I’m going to church for the first time , I feel weird about it due to my past. I am not anti religion, I believe in being a good person and if god is real he will see that and that’s what matters. But church brings up trauma for me in ways. Anyone ever deal with this? Words of advice? I want to let my daughter choose her own path and explore religion if she chooses too so I am trying to support her, I’m just scared to go and feel judged cuz I literally have pink hair, piercings, tattoos, don’t agree w some extreme values ect. Idk compulsion a lot this am and heart is racing .

About the beginning to middle of February I went into the doctor and requested to see a counselor. I’m starting to see a counselor about anxiety in a few days and I’m extremely nervous. I’m nervous my counselor is going to say I have to break up with my bf otherwise I’ll be stuck with ocd for the rest of my life. I’m nervous my counselor is going to think I’m crazy and not know anything about ocd. I’m nervous my counselor is going to tell my aunt how crazy and messed up I am because my aunt works in the clinic I’m going to therapy at, and if she tells my aunt everyone in my family may find out. I’m nervous I’m going to hell because I’m going to counseling and not fully leaning on God instead to fix it all for me. I’m nervous I’m a bad Christian for going to therapy and not believing Jesus is going to fix it all. I’m nervous that my future is ruined because of my mental health. I’m worried that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because I’m too much to handle and too anxious. I’m just scared for my future because of my ocd and because I am not as passionate about my faith as I used to be so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell for that or like my sister is going to die because of her seizures because of my ocd. Idk I’m so scared.