Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Im having such a hard time trying to figure out if l'm bi or lesbian while IN a relationship with my boyfriend l'm so confused someone please give me some perspective I'm desperate to just feel okay in my relationship again without feeling guilty or confused about if I'm truly attracted to my partner or men in general. l'm questioning everything.

So I’ve struggled with sexual orientation ocd for a while now, along with relationship ocd. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years as of yesterday (in a straight female, dating a straight male) and I was just on tik tok, and seen a girl who posted a picture of her crying and saying “me realizing I was gay and not wanted to leave my boyfriend because he’s my bestfriend” and now I’m in a whole panic attack. Because what if I’m gay and I don’t wanna leave my bf, or what if I’m in a denial, or something idk. And it feels so real. Idk what else to do anymore

hey, do you guys ever as yourselfs if its OCD or not with SOOCD? because I really feel like this theme is different... I have had other themes (health OCD and harm OCD) but got over them quickly compared to SOOCD. My issue with SOOCD is that it started at a really young age for me... and I watched videos about girls realising they're bi ou gay (yes I did and it was super trigerring) and it felt like I could relate on some level? But then some of my very straight friends also told me they could relate? I'm so lost and sooo stressed and honeslty I just want to be happy no matter what the outcome is I just dont want to be hiding my true self because of society. But then at the same time, I've been with my bf for 6 years and I feel like I really love him but every year we have this big conversation whether I believe this is real true love or platonic love and if we have to break up... and I always ask him if he feels something off about me (because apparently partners can know) and I always notice that whenever I'm busy at work or with friends I actually feel fine even tho the thoughts are still here.... but I'm also just scared that its comphet (yes I searched that too and got triggered). My therapist told me to live day by day and it has been great doing that but sometimes when I'm with my friends and they talk about love or the future etc I feel like I cant really relate but if I imagine it with a women (I know this is testing but it happens) it feels more intense and deep? I dont understand anything anymore so please if someone is going through that let me know! I'm 26 btw and I just dont want to be doing a mistake that's gonna ruin multiple lives later on! PS : did anyone whatch Bridgertion season 3? (Spoiler Alert!!) Francesca's story line really really triggered me! like I even imagined being fransceca and felt like I could fall in love with that women just by looking at her (and I dont believe that's possible in reality so I dont get it) Thanks for your help!!

So I’ve been having these weird guilt issues and I feel like I’m lying to myself. I had this weird thing where I thought I had feelings for children even though this is 100% not what I want and it goes against my moral code. But I keep trying to make sure that I feel 100% sure that this is the truth. It is just more distressing and causing more issues. Can anyone help please or have some advice? Thank you:)

Being trans is such a normal thing these days that I feel like I'm just in denial. There's no good reason not to transition other than that I "think" I like being a guy more than I would a girl. I feel like there are so many signs throughout my life, and that I'm just using a disorder as an excuse

I just read someone who had hocd and he realize he was bi, and the worst is he said he was straight for 19 years, right now I feel I identify, and I feel like I'm about to have an "honest conversation" with myself

I got engaged in December and will be marrying my best friend next year. We've been together a little over five years, and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, my SO-OCD and ROCD are making it very hard to enjoy my engagement. I seem to be triggered by everything, but it's especially bad this month. I'm so sad because this didn't start until I watched the bathroom coming-out scene from Stranger Things in 2022 and fell down this rabbit hole. I don't know what to do because the thought of being with a woman literally gives me nightmares, but the thoughts are still there and are so loud. I just want to enjoy my life with my soon-to-be husband, but this is making it so hard.

So I have been 5 days without intrusive thoughts which is a big accomplishment for me. Yesterday broke the streak. I was job shadowing and this girl i thought was so skinny and pretty how does she not have a boyfriend and i thought I was a dude i wouldn't turn my head away and now I'm thinking no one has said this before and that this means something. I know it's my ocd acting up but it's annoying. Plus it also tried to say in a narrative that sounded like me that I would date her and i immediately felt disturbed which just again told me everything about who I am sexually as a confident and comfortable straight woman

I cannot picture myself in a relationship with a woman, never have. Any daydreams/fantasies I have are men. I've always had a new male crush. But because I enjoy GOG pxrn I worry it means I'm into girls in that way. Even chatting to men my ocd is telling me I'm only doing it because I want to prove I'm not into girls. I don't think of women in a sexual way and don't think I'd ever want to. I just enjoy GOG corn but not because of the act because they seem to enjoy it more than straight where its just 10 min BJs lol. Help me out.

Hey guys! So I’m suffering with this subtype. I feel like I developed a crush on someone of the same sex and I have always identified as a straight woman. I’ve always been attracted to men. I feel like I get the feelings of a crush but it’s always followed by intense anxiety. “What if this crush is real?” “Am I now Bi?” I just can’t shake the feeling that the feelings are real and I need to accept them but then what if it’s false attraction or OCD? “What if I’m in denial?” I’m in a relationship with a man who I really love and want to be with. I only want feelings for him. I don’t want to like women or be attracted to a woman. What do I do?

should I feel guilty for being in a relationship while struggling with my sexual identity and the soocd that comes along with it? what if I'm not actually attracted to men AND women/non binary people, but just women??? am I wasting mine and his time by trying to work through this while being with him? I've talked to him about this and he says he doesn't want to leave me and supports me no matter what conclusion I could come to, but I'm terrified that I'll come to a conclusion that means I have to leave him. I'm so scared, I want to be with him and have a life with him, but what if this is comp het and saying I'm unlabeled is denial or an excuse??? I love pride month but it just seems like the reason why this subtype has come back full force. any advice would be great 🧡

I’ll start - Worried I was a zoophile because I enjoy eating octopus - Thought I was dying of a brain aneurism because my head hurt - Thought that because my towel touched the hand towel that my family uses that I had to wash them both so that way my family wouldn’t become attracted to me.

Does arousal = sexual orientation? Sometimes I get turned on by the female body (in porn) but I have no intention to do anything with them nor am I attracted to women that way in real life. My brain keeps telling me otherwise and I'm so confused rn. I've been attracted to men all my life

After that triggering dream where the worst thing could have happened, I don't feel legimitated anymore to feel genuinely distressed by triggers, to call compulsions as such. It all feels disingenuous. They don't feel valid anymore. Like crocodile tears. Because the one thing I didn't want to happen probably happened, that undoes everything else. I feel like a hypocrite, to feel distress and worry about those things, being anxious of that particular fear because in that dream it happened. I felt arousal and probably genuine attraction, I'm afraid that I could have agreed with it. Maybe it isn't true, maybe it didn't happen, maybe I'm misinterpreting, but then why I was left with that impression? All because of a damn dream, because ocd, all my triggers intrude even in my sleep, because I can't even be safe in my dreams. This is the worst mental illness.

Last night my friend and I did edibles for the first time. We accidentally did too much and we both became incredibly anxious. For me it made my ocd bad I started constantly checking to see if I was aroused and I got paranoid that I was and then kept checking and it really just triggered my ocd. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through similar things? I got really bad sexual and violent intrusive thoughts.

One thing that I’m struggling to bear with, is how isolating this feels… I spent all evening yesterday ruminating over intense groinal responses in response to intrusive thoughts. And then I had a dream where I experienced sexual arousal due to being in bed naked with someone… Not sure who, and I didn’t touch the person in the dream… But now my ocd is putting the two together and I’m triggered to the next level right now… I’m trying so hard to dismiss this as a stupid dream but I’m finding it increasingly difficult. I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do…

i've had a terrible dream this morning about my fears getting pretty much confirmed. I've avoided to address this the whole day doing a rehearsal, going at the bar with friends and playing games till 2 AM. I don't know how to move on from that dream. Something horrible happened. I felt genuine arousal and now everything seems meaningless. That dream basically confirmed my fears and invalidated all the things I reassured myself about false attraction and staring ocd. I don't know how to proceed after that dream. My hopes of being a good person got crushed. All is meaningless now. I don't even feel that much distress about it. Probably because I shut it down and didn't fully address the dream, reality hasn't kicked in yet I feel defeated. I feel like a **** and my identity is in shambles. Even at school I felt defeated and was wondering what's the point. "What's the point now of even avoiding sophomore and junior girls""who cares feel attraction like your friends do" and I felt like I stopped caring about my moral code and when I realised that I didn't like it. It all feels meaningless. The one thing I didn't want to feel I felt and now l'm empty. I don't even feel distress no more.

I am in a rumination loop. Nothing is satisfying my thoughts. It’s just a constant, you are lying to yourself, you are gay etc etc. My brain keeps putting pictures of me and a woman in the future and I don’t want that. Then my brain goes well ‘What if you do or are lying to yourself and in denial?’ Sometimes the false attraction is weird because deep down I know it’s not true but when I am in a spiral I don’t know what is real or fake, the ‘attraction’ that my brain thinks is real is this distress in my chest it’s not enjoyable. But as I write this my brain goes ‘Well you are just saying that because you are in denial and you do actually like it.’

Hi!! I've been doing pretty good lately but the thoughts haven't stopped the anxiety is less now. But tired of hearing the thoughts. I'm a confident straight woman and all ai want to be with is a man. I've been single for years and i have been wanting a boyfriend. The thoughts are making me feel like I'm just lying to myself and it's annoying and frustrating.

Question I don’t like girls right now but when I kiss I get turned on my mind used to say I’m gay and it was just there but now the thought only comes when I think about it I’ve never gotten erections to guys or thought about guys like that but now I stare at men and my mind goes he’s hot is my orientation changing?