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Iam just scared and tired from having wetness to the same sex thoughts and feelings , i am so scared

I was so confident that I was straight 3 weeks ago and now all of a sudden it feels like I have become a lesbian! That doesn’t make any sense 😭

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, I was highly addicted to porn for 2 years or more, I even masturbated a couple times to someone younger but when I did that my ocd didn’t trigger or nothing till months after thinking what if I am a pedophile, after that is when I decided to quit porn indefinitely I realized I was going too far,I always thought I was a decent person, I have never hurt anyone, I always had this idea that I could become someone people can look up to or just become someone everyone respected, I’ve always loved sports, my family and video games, but lately I haven’t been able to enjoy any of that it’s like my ocd is making me think I’ve always been like this and all my actual beliefs weren’t real that I’ve always been this horrible person, at first I would get panic attacks and disgust but now I feel kinda numb and I don’t want to feel like that cause it’s making me think that maybe I am one and my mind is getting used to it, I even feel uncomfortable talking about kids or just being around them and I have never been like that . I am a heavy nicotine and weed smoker (I’ve tried to stop since it seems to make them worse). Now it feels like I am a completely different person, I also have a girlfriend who before this i would love with everything in me, and would be afraid to lose her every time we would argue, I would even think about a child with her in the future, but now I don’t even feel love or any attraction or any of the previous feelings I would feel towards my future and I just feel it makes it even worse cause if I’m not attracted to her and all my previous beliefs feel like lies then what can I believe in? Any advice or tips? I’ll be starting therapy this week so I pray there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I had gotten a lot better with my OCD, in general I had a real grasp over my relationship ocd and intrusive thoughts, I was able to comfort myself and see them as just thoughts. This is really embarrassing, but I was triggered a week or so ago when my boyfriend told me one of his key rings came from a girl he slept with 1 time but was friends with (this was 6years ago and has nothing to do with me!) This trigger has led to my sexual intrusive thoughts returning, I have this thing where if I’m having a bit of ‘me time’ my brain sends me images of people I don’t want to think about at that moment in time. Two nights ago it was my boyfriend’s stepdad and I’ve felt guilty ever since. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve always had this sort of issue but I convinced myself that if I didn’t climax whilst thinking of them then it didn’t count and I could let the thought go, I didn’t climax over his stepdad but the thought now isn’t leaving me and I just don’t know what to do. I feel really alone in this and like a weirdo, does anybody else experience this sort of thing ever?

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.

Theres so many effed up things i’ve done or said in the past which still bother me to this day. One day i’ll have one obsession, like ROCD over being scared i’m cheating on my partner, then another day i’ll have POCD because of a past experience with an underaged friend, and im just so burnt out from all the thoughts and overthinking. I feel like the most horrible person each and every single day, a constant urge to confess, a constant feeling like im a traitor, and then thinking im just using OCD as an excuse for everything. Im so SICK OF IT ALL. I can’t catch a break. There’s too much going on in my head, like this constant rumination and analysis and then compulsions to search up these obsessions. However searching up things relating to it is probably the most harmful and worst mistake for me, because then I see stories of allegations e.g like dream being exposed for grooming a minor and people exposing others for other vile acts and it just triggers me so much, because it feels like I BELONG on there but never in my life would i actually want to do such things, and if everyone knew what i did then i feel like everyone would agree i quite literally deserved to be burned at the stake. Should i just get a therapist at this point or can i get through this myself with the use of some mental gymnastics like i’ve been doing the entire time? I feel too much guilt, it’s eating me up alive.

Hi guys. I'm asking for help on different ways of approaching groinal responses. Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, like really bad ones, I can feel my heartbeat "down there". I used to always associate it with arousal so now I just feel like I like thinking about the intrusive thoughts I've had about POCD and other stuff. It makes me take a shower everytime to "clean" myself but I need help because it's exhausting. Does a heartbeat down there always mean arousal? Do I make it happen because I just think "don't happen" a thousand times in my head?

SO OCD is getting bad again. Telling me that I'm attracted/like girls when I know I don't but it's bothering me:( I don't want this again

Does anyone else get trigger when you see other Sexual Orientation OCD sufferer saying that they're scared of being gay for the most stupid reasons, and here you are dealing with false atraction or even some sense of crush and groinals, and when you read those stupid reasons why other people think they might be gay you are like, that's OCD and mine it's not really OCD

There are so many signs I'm a lesbian but I don't want to be.

idk how to even make this make sense but i’m gonna try so i think i’ve convinced myself that im like afraid of more feminine men??? especially straight ones. like i was watching a tik tok of this guy who i would consider pretty feminine and he was talking abt his girlfriend and all of a sudden i just felt really weird??? and today i saw a more feminine guy holding hands with a girl walking around town and got that same feeling again. idk what’s even wrong. i don’t think it’s bad for guys to be feminine at all. if anything im glad people are able to express themselves the way they want. i’ve mentioned in my others posts that im scared of being a lesbian bc that means i won’t like my bf and i think im forcing myself to think im like hyper straight and super feminine and maybe im pushing that onto how i view other people?? like i think that if i look or act even a little bit lesbian then i am. but how does one even look or act lesbian?? anyone can be a lesbian!!! now i’m worried that if my bf does something more feminine i won’t like him. i feel so stressed sexuality literally does not matter why am i freaking out!!!! as long i like love him and he loves me nothing is wrong and it’s not wrong for other people to love who they love either!!! sorry if this absolutely made no sense i tried to explain it the way im feeling it. i’m scared that im like being homophobic or something but im not!! i genuinely think love is such a beautiful thing and that you should get to be with whoever you’re attracted to even if it’s a feminine man (which there’s nothing wrong with at all) i just don’t know why these feelings don’t align with my views. im sorry

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

How do you guys cope when your obsessions target people you’re close to? I recently had a sexual thought about a friend of mine and it started snowballing. We’ve been texting more and my brain keeps saying that it’s flirty, and if I were in a situation to kiss her I would. She’s a close friend of mine and I didn’t have sexual thoughts about her until recently. They make me feel disgusting and guilty, and the onset made me feel like my body was on fire. It’s starting to latch on to other friends, and my brain is saying I’m “tempted” by them, and if they came on to me I would give in and like it. I had SO-OCD as a child, and did engage in some play kissing with friends before my SO-OCD happened. (My OCD latches on to that a lot too as proof that I’m gay). I remember the anxiety I had about what I had done with my friend, and this feeling I have now imagining kissing my friends feel similarly. I don’t usually write on here to avoid confessing and reassurance seeking, but I’m at a loss. I have a heavy feeling in my chest and I don’t want to have the thoughts, but part of me thinks I might be liking them and maybe it’s internalized homophobia. I could handle being bi, but the thoughts about my friends and losing control feels so wrong. I’m just confused and want to know how to process when OCD starts attaching to people I’m close to.

Does anyone ever experience their OCD themes shifting extremely quickly? This has been going on for the past few months. I keep flicking through health concern, contamination, psychosis and sexual orientation.

my brain keeps on trying to convince me I’m gay. Why do I care so much?? I’ve been sure of who I am for all my life, but ever since that thought that I could be something else appeared in my head. It’s ruined me completely, I’ve lost attraction to my preferred gender and overthink everything when talking to the same gender. I know pick about everything I’m feeling and ruminate on the past for evidence. I’ve always saw myself being with a man and having kids with a man. But now I guess my ocd (maybe it’s just denial idk) Is telling me I never wanted that and it was society or whatever. It makes me extremely uncomfy and very anxious. When I think about being gay that doesn’t feel right neither does being straight anymore since this theme. I just want to be normal again I hate this. I feel like I’ll never be in a relationship again ever because of this.

Hey guys so I was having really bad anxiety and asked my bf to hug me because I felt anxious and then he just started full on kissing me and looking up with me and I felt like I hated it and felt SEVERE anxiety. I feel like I truly am a lesbian, does intimacy or kissing make some of You guys anxious?? Im spiralling

I’m so scared all the time that maybe i am just in denial. The voice started one day and it never leeft. Whenn i was at my happiest in my relationship all i could hear was a voice being like ur a lesbian, u don’t even like men, everything is fake, nothing was real u just didn’t know it. Then we broke up and all the voices went away and i was devastated because i missed him. Fast forward 2 years we made it work again and i was so happy and now i’m happy the voices are back. But when i’m with him they go away a little, i naturally gravitate toward touching him and being around him and being turned on but then when i’m alone my head is like none of it was real, you hated it, you’re a lesbian, you only like women, you’re. not attracted to men anymore. Is this normal for SOCD? or am i just in denial? i’ve only ever dated men, and i’ve really loved my partners, being intimidate has never been hard. I don’t know what to do. It’s all i think about all day when i’m alone.

I don't. OCD has its pitfalls, its horrors, and its crippling themes. But why do I have to constantly focus on its harmful symptoms in order to overcome its harmful symptoms? My experience with OCD forced me to perseverate on so many meaningless things. Even worse, it forced me to RUMINATE on shameful, terrifying, and traumatic memories, thoughts, and feelings. I've obsessed over religion and morality, sexual orientation, cleanliness and illnesses. When I was in my teens, undiagnosed OCD lead me down the dreadful path of anorexia and bulimia. I was obsessed with my weight and fitness. I was thinking magically, forcing myself to knock three times on bona-fide wood with my right hand only to stop myself from jinxing something. I sometimes still repeat prayers, asking God to show me a sign regarding some unforeseeable event in the unknown distant future. I would say "God, if I'm going to get fired from work today, then let me find a parking spot!" Needless to say, I always found a parking spot and then went into work shaking like a leaf all day. Looking back, I wager that that alone helped me be one of the lowest performing employees in the lot. And oh boy, was I frightened as all get-out when I thought - believed - I was HOMOSEXUAL! (The audience gasps). What if, though, I wasn't homosexual... What if I was worse? What if I wanted to hurt... God, please no. I can't stop. It won't stop. MAKE IT STOP! How do I stop this? I have no idea. I need to learn how to stop this. I need to learn. I need to learn everything. If I don't KNOW FOR SURE, then how can I BE sure that I am none of those things? How can I be sure nothing bad will happen? Maybe... Just maybe, I can Google the answer. I just have to be smart while doing research... (12 hours and many BS websites later) By this time, I haven't eaten, showered, brushed my teeth, slept, or drank water. I would crawl up and out of isolated research, checking, rechecking, rereading and reassuring myself... Only to later find out that my attempts at quelling the insatiable obsessions were in vain. My compulsive activities only bolstered my fears, and I lost all of my insight, leaving me paranoid and almost clinically psychotic. I felt hopeless, and so I drank into oblivion. Only when I was sloshed and seeing stars did I find peace and sleep (albeit very dissatisfying sleep, and the peace was just a lie I told myself until I believed it). I took medication that doctors told me would help, but I drank away all the benefits of those prescriptions. On the other hand... Did you know that anxiety is not just an emotion, but an instinct? We adapted it throughout evolution to help us survive before civilization. If you are a creationist, the idea still stands: it is an alarm that warms us when the enemy is near. Isn't that nifty information. I wonder how I can use that... Did you also know that perseveration is the umbrella term used for multiple psychological diagnoses that means to fixate on one thing - emotion, thoughts, or external things - for longer than normal periods of time? It's associated with autism, ADHD, OCD and other anxiety disorders, depression, and more. Fancy that. You know... now that I'm sober and continuing therapy, I look back on the dreadful days wasted obsessing over themes of my own design, acting compulsively to eliminate them only to find out I made them stronger, and I realize that I've actually learned quite a lot of useful information. Through compulsive checking, I accidentally learned how deeply rooted OCD is in my genes. Instead, I was trying to learn the signs of being 100% gay. Now I realize that I'm just some bisexual dude with anxiety. I also learned that mindfulness meditation isn't just a Buddhist idea. It actually spans across every continent, every culture, in different forms. Pacific Island cultures practiced a form of meditation where a person would focus their gaze on a single point, without looking away. Blinking was necessary, of course, but their goal was to notice things in their periphery, as muted and blurry as those things might be. How amazing is that? I don't want to beat OCD, but I certainly do not want to let OCD overtake me again. I would say that "OCD once beat me", but it didn't. If it truly won, then I wouldn't be able to share this with anyone. I wouldn't be able to look back and say to myself "That experience taught me a lot about myself and the nature of OCD." Today, I can share my experiences and knowledge with others and I can say with 100% certainty that there is hope. The light at the end of the tunnel does not need to be checked and turned off and on multiple times. Instead, it can be what it is - the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I've quit drinking for good. I am continuing therapy, and I am aiming to restart medication management on top of all that. OCD may have taken a lot of time, energy, and health from me in the past, and as much as I WANT to completely get rid of it... I can't. It is a terminal diagnosis... So, how can I use it to benefit others? Well, I'm doing that right now by writing this. If it has become an issue, then that is okay. Asking for help does not mean defeat; it means refusal to give up. Embrace the unknown, and go forward fearlessly.

If my OCD is trying to convince me I’m gay due to past compulsions. Every time I have that through I now repeat in my head that I’m straight several times to battle it. If I continue to do that am I just creating a compulsion??