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I think I've obsessed over my sexuality that it might have changed. I've had nearly 4 years of misery and anxiety pretty much everyday. I can't believe how much I used love girls I just hope this is all in my head. I argue with myself in my head I feel could this be my ocd ?. I'm so confused please help somebody 😒 xxxx

I didn’t sleep again last night. The thoughts were just so loud and I couldn’t let them be without engaging. This lead to a full night of rumination and tossing and turning. It just keeps saying “confess. come out. cut. run. that’s the only way this will go away” and it’s so exhausting. I look at everyone around me now with envy that they aren’t dealing with this (not that I know what anyone is dealing with) but I’m just so jealous of all my friends who aren’t putting their husbands through this. The thoughts are so loud, but I know they are not what I want and my body is uncomfortable with the idea of being with a woman. I feel this immense amount of guilt and shame, like I was living in denial all these years and lying to everyone. I was feeling better and then with this diagnosis it got worse almost like “you wanted to get this diagnosis to justify that you’re not in denial” it’s so frustrating and exhausting. On top of that, ROCD has been spitting out the worst things about my relationship with my husband. I miss the old me who was confident in who she was and laughed and ate and slept and danced in the kitchen with her husband and raced home to him every night looking forward to all moments together. Now I’m just scared and I feel like a shell. I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty, i’m trying the “maybe, maybe not” statements, but it’s hard to know where the intrusive thoughts end and my actual thoughts begin at this point. It feels so real and so cluttered.

I really feel like SOOCD is such a tricky theme. They tell you to sit with it and not overthink it and accept the possibilty, but we're talking about our future and someone else's future! I also feel like societal pressure doesnt help this theme at all. And its always gonna come up, because as a women, when I hang out with my friends, all they talk about is 1) their relationshios 2) their crush so my brain automatically compares or stresses when it does not relate. I try looking for comphet video on tiktok (i vividely dont recommend doing that) and some videos kind of made sens so I was like, am I a lesbian? So for instance, there is one girl who came ut at 26 and she was like "all my life I felt like I needed to date guys and chose my crushes and when I was making out with my bf it always felt like something was missing and then when I went out with the girl I realised that it wasnt supposed to feel hard and whats natural to your body will come to you naturally". She said that even tho she's a lesbian now she still imagines a life where she has a husband and kids but she knows that she cant have that because she likes imagining that she's straight when indeed she's not. (that was a very big spike for me). and she knew that if she went down that road she would never date men again ( and I feel like I relate to that?!). So to calm myself I said, idc if im gay or bi, at least my bf will be my "one" exception. And right after there was a video of a girl who said " if you're a girl going out with your bf and thinking you're 99 percent into women but that your bf is the exception leave him, you're a lesbian" ughhhhhhhh. My biggest worry right now after being in a 6 year relationship is that I feel if I imagine it that I would feel way more for a women then for a man? but my therapist told me it was normal because with two women its always more intense but im like but what does it mean? that I dont know true love? That I dont love my current partner or at least not enough? I also feel like sometimes, if I ever break up with my bf I'll never date guys after? like even if they were perfect? I know that for anyone reading that shows that Im in denial... I've talked to my therapist about it and she always is like "live in the moment". Ugh

My SO-OCD is really getting in the way of my relationship and I’m so confused if it’s meant to be platonic or romantic. We have such a strong bond and I am sexually attracted to them but my SO-OCD tries to convince me that I should be with a woman bc I’m not sure if I’m 100% straight and I feel a lot of guilt about the fact that I want a relationship with a man and get intrusive thoughts about what it would be like to be with a woman instead. But it’s about this one specific girl I found attractive and I’m not sure if it’s sexual attraction or admiration and I have been fixating on this ever since I met her because I see her consistently and I’m not sure what to do. I really want this to work with him but it’s so hard for me to trust myself and what I truly want.

I’m scared so bad rn I feel like I might commit . There was a trans girl on TikTok and I thought she was attractive and I’m scared because she’s trans. Is that gay I don’t wanna be gay and now I’m freaking out. It was a guy transitioned into a girl and they don’t look like a guy at all.

I think I did something I shouldnt have... I reasearched comphet on tiktok and saw a video of a girl explaining how she realised that first she wasnt bi and then she was a lesbian. She was talking all about how when she was with men she was craving "male validation" and wasnt actually attracted to men and that she confused platonnic and romantic love. and that whe she really thought about she realised that she loved being loved and desired by men but that she didnt specifically like men or wasnt attracted to men. She just found them attractive and was not attracted. And that when she broke up with her bf and stop dating man she realised how much more she could feel and how thinking about men gave her the ic. And I real all the comments and everyone was like omg omg omg. Anyways im sooo triggered because I feel like I could relate on some level. Im not sure if I like my bf for who he is or that i love how he loves me. And at first I used to calm my OCD by saying noo noo I love how he loves me but if I imagine breaking up with him it feels like it will be my last time with a men... what is happenning!!!

The thought of being with a woman used to make me uneasy and sad/depressed. But now I feel nothing when I think about them. Which now makes me feel anxious because I feel like it’s a sign that I want it. I feel like I’m in a never ending loop. Also my attraction to boys is gone and idk how to get it back :( I feel so lost Help and advice would be nice

I keep feeling like I would find these things attractive and I keep catching myself thinking about it and agreeing with it and being like “yeah I would, oooh” and I’m like what the hell just happened??? Why does that happen?? I was so sure I wouldn’t do that but now I’m afraid All I know is I never be aware that they’re a kid till it’s too late, but at the same time I feel like I am aware that it is

recently my intrusive thoughts haven’t been bothering me much, unless i’m busy doing nothing. i suffer from SO-OCD. whenever i think yes, these thoughts don’t bother me anymore, i’m doing great, i then work myself up like ‘well your thoughts are obviously true then otherwise they would make you upset and uncomfortable’. when i get the thoughts they do still make me feel this way but also not as strong. I do then panic and think i’m something i’m not, despite knowing the truth. also anyone know why they get worse when i’m bored or not doing anything? 😢

( pls don’t read this if you’re younger. ) —- — - . I was laying down and having gro!nal responses to nasty images but I didn’t react because I had them last year, but I had a feeling that was like “I wish I could do something to relieve it” and it also feels like I said it too? Omg, that sounds so disgusting, I feel like a bad person. I feel like I don’t deserve to keep going anymore.

Hello, I want to share my ocd story as I’m struggling with it severely right now. I was a very anxious child, when I was nine I started to have intrusive thoughts/fear/theme that I was somehow “pregnant”. Now this was concerning because I was nine..and a virgin CLEARLY. I hadn’t even gotten my period. The reason this scared me so much is that because i was a virgin, I was afraid if I was pregnant and the baby came, no one would believe me and everyone would hate me. When I was 13 this soon transitioned to being the same fear only this time because I had my period I was afraid that I either got gr@ped in my sleep, or somehow sp3rm was on the toilet seat and it well yk. However, none of this made any sense and I made myself sick worrying about it. My ocd would take a turn when I developed emotophobia, the intense fear of vomit and vomiting and so alot of my intrusive thoughts regarded vomit. As I got older they would switch and I was ALWAYS under some sort of stress. That’s when things got worse, I’m also diagnosed with anxiety so all the therapists were just treating me for anxiety but the main cause of this anxiety despite other things, is my ocd. I started to have “religious” ocd, as I consider myself a Christian and it’s a big part of my life, doing compulsions like “read that verse again, you messed up” ect. Which consumed a lot of my life. Here’s where things get hard to talk about, I started having what they call moral ocd? I was at least 15? And I thought my life was over, now the thing is when I was a kid I was messed with once, which gave me a lot of anxiety over the years and I didn’t end up telling anyone till I was older, I thought it was my fault. So I know that I would never, ever want somebody else to go through something so horrific. This fear eventually subsided, until this past year. When I was sixteen, my boyfriend sa’d me and I didn’t really have time to realize what had happened. We broke up right after which hurt a lot but I was relieved. Ever since then I was always very cautious about people, I knew what that felt like, so much shame, and not feeling like you can do anything about it. Eventually I started to get that moral ocd back, things like “what if I’m attracted to so and so” a family member ect. This would repulse me. I also watched a lot of true crime which didn’t help anything, this caused me to develop pocd/moral ocd. Now, I feel trapped I feel like I’m not at all what my intrusive thoughts say, I would never do them, and I want to isolate from EVERYONE. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here, I feel ashamed like God is ashamed of me and I have just cried and cried. I really need some encouragement or at least advice.

For some reason. The thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore, wondering if I’m attracted to something doesn’t worry me anymore, I don’t even feel attracted to anything anymore, I always feel a sense of doom whenever I see a picture of a kid, don’t ever try to purposely find any of it attractive, but now my brain make me feel like I don’t care anymore, like I accepted the fact I’m a bad person, that I like these things, and would be into these things, but I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be these things. But why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? Why does it feel like I don’t care that I’ll turn into this person? Like I don’t have an anxiety anymore I asked myself if I found these things. I actually attractive, responded with yes and it felt like a yes, and it doesn’t give me an anxiety anymore??? Like it makes me feel like I accepted it and that I am a bad person, but I don’t wanna be a bad person??? Like it accepted the fact that I’m going to be attracted these things, I’m not attracted to these things??? it’s so complicated. I don’t understand. Why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? I feel like the only person who cares in my body right now? Like I’m not worried I’ll be a bad person anymore inside I’m not, but outside I do care to be a bad person??? I’m so scared. This means I’m gonna turn into a bad person. I know I’m not, and I will never be one. But why Is this happening? Is it a positive reason? negative reason? It just makes me feel like I wouldn’t mind him to be a bad person. But I would, but I just isn’t making me feel that way??? I can’t tell what it means anymore? I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t want to be. But every time I get a picture it’s just like I don’t know what to think anymore. Please help me.

I have had soocd for 5 years and it impacts me all day everyday every minute. I’ve read that some people only have it 1-2 times a month or for like two seconds a day and it scares me that I don’t have ocd. Because mine is legit constant and so scary

Why is my brain telling me that I wouldn’t mind being a p, that I could live with it and be fine with it, and I am really a p because my situation is too unique…. I didn’t agree with it but I allowed myself to think about this, and it just made me feel like I did agree to it. I’m worried that I’m lying to myself, I really don’t want to turn to into this person, my WHOLE LIFE i was attracted to older people and never ever felt this way until now (false attraction) it makes me so convinced and it puts me in a dark space. It’s hard to think right now.

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

Please help me. I feel like it’s one thing after another I just recently discovered that I may have OCD which have explained a lot of my excessive behaviors. When I used to be with people I used to obsess completely over them where my mood depended on everything they do, but I have found myself in a relationship where I’ve seen this behavior destroy my other ones and my mind is not obsessed the way it has before. This is good because for the first time I am in a healthy and loving relationship but I just had a OCD flare up, it went from fear of losing attraction, to fear of me cheating, to fear of me finding others attractive, to me having straight thoughts as a gay woman (and I’ve always been homosexual) and then switching to POCD. I’ve noticed that in my past I’ve always had to be obsessed with something, even in this relationship I was obsessed over my partners past relationships. How do I brake what feels like a never ending cycle of obsession so that I can live in the moment with my partner and have my mind only belong to her and my life but in a healthy manner. How do I stop spiraling and be the partner she deserves? My mind is my worst enemy and goes against all my values and the things important to me and her. How do I just live in the moment and stay loyal to her in thought? Please help me get a healthy mind for our sake.

Hi All! I was stuck in an OCD loop for a while surrounding real events around children. I also struggle with incest OCD and my biggest trigger is my brother. I love him dearly but he is a big trigger bc he has always been a lot younger than me, he is 17 right now. The other night he wanted me to toss the remote to him and had his hands up in front of his face. Instead I tossed it in his lap. My intrusive thoughts and fears are telling me that I did this purposely so I could hit his crotch. Now I am worried I hurt him and he would be better off / not as traumatized if I was dead. I know this is extreme but the guilt truly gets to me. How do you all cope with uncertainty? Do I talk to him about it and ask if I hurt him or will it just make him feel more weird? What if I did do it to gain pleasure from it - how do I cope and move on from this?

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.

I don't know how to explain this but: I was diagnosed with HOCD about 2 years ago ( still have it but much lighter symptoms than the onset) I had a therapist here in NOCD for a couple of months, then I found out that they don't take my insurance ( miscommunication happened) and I ended up paying thousands of dollars and stopped therapy. Ok now moving on, These days I have been feeling like I am in a bad mood most of the time and that things have bad vibes to them. It's been like that since July and I have been having those symptoms which I don't know their meaning: 1- Feeling a bad mood most of the day for no obvious reason 2- thinking that some songs, roads, places have bad vibes to them that make me feel sad and want to stop listening to these songs or driving on these roads 3- checking my mood frequently to see if it's good or bad 4- having the ability to have good time and feel happy but worrying about the bad mood that I know will come up after whatever fun thing I am doing 5- calling my sister a lot to try to figure out what is happening with me 6- can't focus on school or anything due to the overthinking and the bad vibe/mood to everything I checked depression symptoms according to dsm-5 and according to their criteria, I have less symptoms that those required for diagnosis. I don't know what to do now. Is that another type of ocd? Is that depression? Is that a completely different mental disorder? Or is it just a random thought that my mind obsessed on due to having ocd already? ( maybe i felt sad for a while without knowing why (like any other normal person) and then i started freaking out on why this is happening, so my mind latched on this thought because of having ocd already and having the tendency to obsess over thoughts? ) do i need to follow ERP for this thought or do I need to treat it like a random thought and just do my best to ignore it? I don't know and I don't want to get to therapy again because even though it helps but the fact that I am seeing a doctor takes me into a whole mood that I don't want to feel again.