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Things I ACTUALLY did when I was younger (between 8-10 I think) loads of time. Which sounds like literal proof. Literally. When I got reminded of it I had anxiety and started to feel sick. I’m really scared.

Hello my name is Hanna and this is my first post on this app. My friends, family , and boyfriend know I struggle with OCD. They are supportive and try to help me in anyway they can, but they don't understand it like an OCD suffer would. I am making this post to help anyone who is dealing with the same thing or someone who can help me. I have been having cheating OCD where I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend. For example; The OCD intrusive thought that has been on my mind for the past week is that i kissed someone. I went to the bar with my friends, but i didn't drink because I knew it would make my OCD worse. Anyway my friend and I were outside and asking people if they had a lighter for a cigarette. This guy was walking into the bar and started talking to us in a friendly way. I found him attractive ( which probably triggered my OCD). But then my friend and I went back inside of the bar to find our others friends to leave. I was holding my friends hand and walking through the bar crowd to leave when I made eye contact with the guy from outside. My OCD immediately made me think I kissed the guy. I love my boyfriend and I would never do that, but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Then this turns into false memory and I keep trying to replay the night in my head. It makes me feel like I kissed him even though I know I didn't. It is causing me extreme guilt, and I even feel guilty talking to my boyfriend. Every-time I try to tell myself it's just OCD my brain makes me think i'm blaming this on OCD and I actually did it. I even had my friend retell the events of that night, and she told some of the events out of order and I knew the correct order of the events. How can I know what events happened, but I can't trust myself. Anytime I try and forget this and get over it my brain will not let me. I need help. It's so frustrating and debilitating that I can't even trust myself.

Hello, my name is Landon and I would like to tell you my story. Before I get into that I would like to say that there is possible triggers in this post. As a child I never showed any signs of any OCD symptoms or had any tendencies or obsessions. Back in September of 2022 I was in one of my classes. In this class we talk about crime scenes and forensics, well one day my friends asked me if I seen the Jeffery Dahmer crime scenes. I hadn’t at this point of time, curiosity beat me. So I looked it up. I was in utter shock. I cried and felt scared to know that there was a victim my age. Then I watched an interview he had with a news channel. He talked about different things and the striking “what if” entered my mind. After the what if it became images of my family and friends in my mind in the way those people were. And the kicker of it all was I saw myself being the cause of their harm. I cried for days at a time and didn’t enjoy anything I used to enjoy. After me staying home from school for a week my Mom knew something was seriously wrong. So I went to my pediatrician, which is where I learned of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My doctor told me I wasn’t alone and that there was a kid just like me. The only difference being my obsessions are I’m scared I will do what Jeffery Dahmer did. Once she told me I wasn’t alone I felt relief and peace. I was prescribed with Zoloft (Sertraline) and have started taking 50 mg of it. And while the thoughts still roar loud in my head I don’t feel like the hopeless boy I was before. I am growing and changing and learning about life. So if your reading this first of all thank you for reading my story, and I want you to know there is hope for you. Whoever you may be I wish you peace and love. Thanks guys have a nice day/night.

Sometimes I look at myself and find it hard to feel beautiful, my whole life I have been tall and over weight and it has made me feel very manly in a sense, or maybe that’s just because of my ocd. But looking at myself in the mirror with certain clothes trigger me. This year I really need to work on my health and overall just loving myself. I hope you guys have an amazing year and keep going on a great recovery path.

Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.

Recently I’ve discovered I have a lot more childhood trauma than I originally thought. I have a counselling session every Monday atm, and so far he’s uncovered some shit I didn’t even know I had. But now it’s all out I don’t know how to even begin healing from it. People keep saying you have to live with it before you can heal but I don’t get that. I can’t keep living like this. Everyday is a constant battle to be perfect, to be someone I feel comfortable being but I never get there. I think constantly everyday, I never stop. I’m exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, I’m kinda lonely I won’t lie, I hate myself in the mirror half the time, I’ve literally lost a bunch of weight because I hated myself, didn’t do it very healthy either so that’s brilliant I’m back to who I was in high school, my life revolves around finding a guy? Why? Because I need to fill my life with someone who cares for me romantically otherwise I feel empty. I even now know why, because during my school life I never got the male teachers validation and I was constantly afraid of men. So what’s that done to me now you ask? I constantly need male validation to feel like a valuable member of society. Fantastic! As well as this I’m a 21 year old female who is extremely sexually frustrated but gets too attached to men because of that reason! So wtf am I meant to do? Because I keep crying when they say they don’t want anything with me, even though I respect them for that decision, because I’m scared of people leaving my life! Why’s that you ask? Because this year I’ve lost everyone important to me and people keep wanting to leave. Do now I’m stuck thinking if they don’t want me, then they’ll leave. I can’t have this. I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do. I want to heal, I want to feel fine. But I’m not sure how

sometimes i ruminate without realizing i'm even ruminating until it's too late and the thoughts have already taken hold of me. how do i fix this? i feel like i have become my disorder. i'm so lost

My son has ocd and Social anxiaty and He strouggles with both. Now he is in a position when he can’t go to University (architecture) because he has to have some kind of tactics where the anxiaty doesn’t overwhelm him and he feels good so he is able to hang out with his friends. Is this pushing the anxiaty of some kind or a compulsion because it exhausts him?

Hello, Everyone. I feel as though I’ve maxed my ability to control my OCD beyond the point I’ve reached and am now interested in trying some medications. Any recommendations? Thanks.

going through a breakup and my intrusive thoughts are having a field day. making me feel like everything is my fault when that wasn’t the case at all. im struggling so much.

Hey everyone! I'm new to this community, but I thought I'd share some thoughts about acceptance and ownership when it comes to physical compulsions. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to reply. Also, this is not mental health advice and is not the right perspective for everyone – I found it helpful in my journey, but it goes without saying that this approach is by no means the correct or best one, and different things will work for different people :) Finally, this perspective is focused on physical compulsions and won't make sense for mental ones. I used to say things like "OCD made me check it," or "OCD is being loud," or "my OCD is really bad today." These are totally understandable phrases and there's nothing wrong with them, and it often feels like OCD is controlling our behaviour. This is one of the hardest parts of the disorder. But I realised that speaking about OCD in this way makes it sound like an illness or ailment that you possess – something that is external to yourself that is influencing or controlling your behaviour. I found that the more I blamed OCD for my behaviour, however, the more I started to give up. "OCD made me do that," I would say, feeling sorry for myself. I would pass the responsibility onto the disorder, not accepting it for myself. Whilst it's true that neural pathways and chemical imbalances are to blame for much of our OCD suffering, it is *also* very, very importantly true, that *you are still in control.* Even when it feels like you aren't, you can still make the choice to walk away, stop, or do whatever it is that you want to do. (Critically, this is not the case for mental compulsions, rituals, rumination, and the like. This only really applies to checking and other physical compulsions. If you suffer from mental compulsions, it is absolutely true that you can't control your thoughts, so don't blame yourself for what pops into your head - it doesn't represent you! It's just noisy brain activity in a brain evolved to protect us from any possible threat, so it can go into overdrive sometimes and start throwing things at us that don't really make sense). When I blamed my OCD for my behaviour, I gave it control. I said, "OCD made me do it," and I became blameless. Blamelessness is nice, but it also equals powerlessness. If I wanted to change my behaviour, I would have to own it - I needed to recognise that, in truth, OCD didn't make me do it. I did. The only way to change my behaviour was to accept responsibility for it and acknowledge that I made the choice to do it. And the flip side to this somewhat dismaying revelation is that, if I made the choice to do it, I could also have made the choice *not* to do it. So next time you feel like blaming your OCD for your suffering or for a physical compulsion, you might want to gently remind yourself of two things: Firstly, that you *are* choosing to do this. BUT. Because you are choosing to do this, you also have the power to choose *not* to do this. OCD is not controlling you. If you can take responsibility for your compulsions, you might find that you have power over them, instead of the other way around! :) Have a lovely day!

So I’ve been on Zoloft since ending of October and went on 100mg about 2 weeks ago. I really started feeling the affects and it has made me calmer but I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts and today my mood swings were off the charts which my ocd feeds off of and now my mind feels like it’s racing. It could be because I get on my period in a week but can this still happen while on medication or should I talk to my doctor about a new prescription? What’s the goal of medication if you could just share your story

ocd and bdd is not fun

I was officially diagnosed with OCD in February - I’m 20 years old and graduating college this year, so it was overwhelming yet relieving at the same time. I lost my Dad tragically when I was 14. I feel like this event exacerbated my symptoms - I couldn’t control losing him or what would happen after. Everything I thought I knew was shattered. I felt like it was my responsibility to pick up all the pieces. Sometimes I still feel that way. I took college classes in high school to get ahead. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend who was toxic. I moved across the country on my own for college for a fresh start. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. My social life soared, I excelled in my classes, and even started my own research as an undergraduate. I’ve always been a fast-track student, an over achiever in all aspects of my life. I’m an honors student, work in 4 research labs as an undergraduate RA, have a part-time job out of school, and pay all my own bills. I’m graduating from college a year early because of my efforts and just applied to graduate school for a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. Last year I fell apart. 18-19 credit semesters ripped me away from my friends and family. My life was a revolving door between school, work, and the grocery store. Occasionally, I’d sneak in a hike. I developed an eating disorder and an unhealthy relationship with exercise. For the first time in my life, I thought about suicide. I knew I needed a change, and I knew I needed help. After all, I’m studying psychology - shouldn’t I have seen the signs? I got help. I started to heal. I figured out what the words ‘trust’ and ‘balance’ truly mean. I’m by no means perfect or anywhere close to where I want to be, but it’s a damn good start. I love to learn, and more importantly, I’m learning how to allow myself grow and change. Life is uncomfortable right now - there are many unknowns, and I find myself spiraling at times. Will I be accepted to graduate school, even though I’m young but have so much valid experience? Do I make the people in my life happy? Do I need to clean the kitchen when I get home? Did I remember to pay my electric bill this month? It feels like the weight of the world is so heavy at times. Everyday I’m learning and growing into the woman I know that I am meant to be. I know I am strong. I know I am worthy. I know my Dad would be proud of me if he were still alive. I’m learning how to love who I am and who I am meant to be. It’s by no means easy, but it is worth it. Life is beautiful and too short to obsess over things I cannot control. It’s easier said than done, but I am doing my best to find beauty in the process. Growth doesn’t happen when we are comfortable. It’s a matter of when - not if.

My mother killed herself this week. I've been struggling a lot. But my boyfriend keeps asking me questions about our relationship that create arguments. I'm a peaceful person. I love people with all my heart. But he keeps creating arguments for whatever thing I do. He even wanted to break up with me because I confused him with another guy in a picture where everybody was wearing the same clothes, hair and mask. Right now, he texted me saying that he had to tell me something. Again. He always has something to tell me. And I always try to fix everything. I don't know what he's going to tell me. What else I've done badly. What else I've made to hurt him. On the same day my mother died, I sent him a voice message, because we are a distance relationship, saying that I'm sorry for hurting him for the misunderstanding about the picture, for everything he has complained about me. That I never wanted to hurt him. That it has never been my intention. I don't know what he will tell me now, I'm waiting for his message. Today it's my mother's funeral. Such a great for complaining about me again, isn't it?

We just talked about Jeffrey Dauhmer in my sociology class and all the crazy things he did. Now my mind keeps thinking/picturing everything and it’s making me sick. Then my harm ocd gets triggered and says I’m like him and tries to imagine me doing worse things..anyone else? Any tips? I start erp in two weeks.

My mother killed herself today. I'm so sad. So sad. My mom. My sweet woman. Beautiful woman. Why didn't you let me help you more. I miss you. I miss you. I love you. Mama, te amo. Mama, come back please. I want to feel your arms again. Your hugs. Mama... I wanted to be your daughter for more time. I cannot be without you. Mama. I'm crying a lot. You told me not to do it in your letter. Mama. Mama. Mama.

Hello, I am currently in an LDR because of a semester abroad. Since then I've become increasingly stressed about my relationship, have strong break up urges or feel like something doesn't "feel right". Constantly analysing my feelings when we talk on the phone or I see a picture of him. I always had these thoughts in past relationships as well. I am just afraid it's real and it means I have to break up. I am so depressed. Any tips how to overcome my urges?

my friend triggers me a lot. it’s something she doesn’t do on purpose but it’s to the point where i don’t want to talk to her or be around her anymore what do i do? should i try and pull away for my sake or shoukd i keeo trying. it hurt hurts a lot

This week has been tough for me. My supervisor at my job gave me some feedback that really triggered some intense OCD thoughts. They told me I was making careless mistakes on a task and that I am not being detail oriented enough. I’m sure that all of you are aware of how crazy this might sound to someone with OCD who double and triple checks everything they do. Anyway, because of this error they took away my other responsibilities because the mistake I was making was apparently bad enough that they felt they couldn’t trust me to do anything else. On top of it being terrible management and that it doesn’t teach me anything or show me what to do differently, it also seriously triggered my anxiety. Now anytime I do something at work I have been checking it 100x over because I’m afraid of another mistake. I wish people would be kinder when they criticize. Sending love to anyone who checks their work for perfection ❤️