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I had a good doctor before. She was understanding and she would call me weekly to know how I was doing and we would meet once monthly. Sadly, she had to stop working for some time because of her personal issues. Then, I’ve a new doctor who doesn’t remember who I am, and we have met twice. A doctor who has tried to diagnose me twice, because he doesn’t remember who I am. And a doctor that says that I don’t have OCD because I am not obsessed with cleaning. I told him that I cannot go out to the street without tidying up my room because I feel that if I don’t do it, my day will be a disaster and something tragic will happen, and he replied “It’s good to be that clean”. I am so frustrated. I said that when I am studying I don’t want to stop so that I can eat because if I do it then I feel that I can’t keep studying because I’ve wasted my time and then I am useless and he replied “You are a good student”. He sent my case to the psychiatrist because he doesn’t know how to help me and he told me to keep taking my meds and that is all. Fantastic. He said that my thoughts aren’t normal (I told him my magical thinking thoughts) and that then I should go to the psychiatrist. This is hilarious.

Hello there. So I have harm OCD thoughts about hurting people in general, but they started out as targeted toward my mom, whom I love with all my heart and have a great relationship with. I was starting to feel better after months of struggling, the anxiety associated with the thoughts has lessened. However, the fact the anxiety isn’t as present is freaking me out. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that my meds and ERP are working or if I am becoming okay with the notion of killing people. I keep freaking out because the thoughts about my mom have returned and are really detailed scenarios in which I kill my mom. I don’t want to hurt my anyone, let alone my mom. But every time I tell myself I know i don’t want to do these things, it’s always followed up with, “What if I do want to?” Sometimes my thoughts will even say I want to. But I don’t, but these thoughts come in anyway and I question if I want to no matter how many times I say, “I don’t want to hurt anyone ever.” “What if I’m in denial?” “What if I’m planning?” “Why isn’t there more anxiety like before?” “Am I purposely having these thoughts or are these automatic?” I’m getting really bad suicidal ideations from this because I’m so scared that it is not ocd and I need to take myself out of the equation before I hurt someone. I can’t not say to myself, “I don’t want to hurt anyone ever” because I feel like if I don’t , I’ll suddenly become murderous. I’ve never hurt anyone, I consider myself to be a kind and gentle person, but these thoughts are making me question every aspect of myself. I appreciate any insight anyone may have. I understand this may be triggering to read.

i feel like no matter how hard i try to explain how i am feeling about my current thoughts, im just overthinking everything. if i start to feel bad i get intrusive thoughts that im lying to myself or doing it for attention. its so hard to ask for help when im the inly one having a strong reaction. im not sure if that makes sense but i don’t know what else to do.

whenever there’s somebody in pain, i physically cringe. i scrunch up my face and shut my eyes really tight so i don’t see it, but i’m still scared. today, my mom somehow injured herself, and i’m in the room with her reading my book. before i sat down, she winces from the pain and i feel like i was about to laugh. i told myself i wasn’t, but now i’m really scared. i’m terrified of my mom dying. but i’m even more terrified of what my reaction will be. what if i don’t care? what if i laugh at her when she’s on her death bed. i feel terrible. she’s in pain and i’m so terrified i’m laughing at her and enjoying her suffering. so much so i have to look away from her when she moves. i hate seeing her face when she’s like this.

Hi. my name is Ally, im 18 and im in my last year of high school. i've always been in and out of therapy, but I've never been able to get to the route of the problems i have. I constantly fear talking about things like this, but here i go. -horrible thoughts of things such as rape, pedophilia, beastiality and incest popping into my head randomly (NOT URGES !!!!) and coming up in my dreams. -expecting the worst outcomes -believing that my actions control what will happen next in my life (if i dont do this specific thing, i will die or someone in my family will die) -intrusive thoughts and dreams that feel so real i believe it actually happened. i dont mean to intrude, this is a very safe space for people who suffer with OCD. i just feel i have no where else to turn. does this sound like ocd? something else? please if you can, i cant live thinking and feeling this way anymore, please help me.

Hi! I think I'm struggling with compulsive staring OCD. Before, I had these uncomfortable thoughts of minr but I just got better and now it seems like they are coming back because of an unexpected happening in school. My professor called me to recite and I wasn't able to answer his questions and he said that he thought I was really serious but it seemed like I was just looking at his body. I felt extremely uncomfortable and now I can't just stop thinking about that. Everytime I get to converse with other people, I try so hard to not look at their body parts because it is inappropriate but I always end up looking at it and what if they notice and they feel uncomfortable because of me. I really think that because of that incident, I became really sensitive to these thoughts. And I worry about what if my family, friends, and other people think that I'm a pervert. And I don't want to be a pervert because I know how it feels to be uncomfortable 😭😭 I'm still a college student in the Philippines and I am thinking of opening this up to my parents but I have this fear of what if they misunderstand. Also, I want to try ERP by myself and see if it will improve my situation or not. I really really want to seek help but I don't know how and when. I just want to be able to function normally again. I know that I can overcome this.

I don't know if im just in my phase or this is a mental problem but ive ben exhaused. It already happened for 6 years but i just cant seem to get rid of it. My thoughts keep getting stronger and stronger, they really make me uncomfertable, to the point i stopped eating for a week and just cry in bed. I skipped school and told my parents i was sick. I feel guilty telling my parents because they would think of me as the "imperfect" Child. I told my friends about my conditions but they respond with " I felt that too" " Thats normal" " Ignore them" And they just moved on without helping me. I also started picking my face till all my acne gets iritated, my parents are mad at me for it. I started spending my day by sleeping and playing on my phone, i coulndt care about the outside world anymore baceuse of my stupid intrusive thoughts, i started SH and got so addicted to it, i would find small metal objects and started making marks with it on my left hand. It got to the point where i couldnt handle it anymore and i reached out to my parents but to my surprise, they didnt give me a good respond either. Each time a bad thought comes my heartbeat increases, i started feeling like i was going to throw up, i started crying and loosing my appetite. I can't afford theraphy myself because im just 15, and ive ben reaching for help on any social media platform but nobody noticed me. I just want to end this nightmare of giving into my thoughts and doing the compulsions but it gets really impossible to do it, i always remember my past self being calm and happy unlike now.

This is my first ever post on NOCD and it’s scary but I’ve reached rock bottom recently and I’m struggling to find a way out. I’ve tried talking to family and friends but no one quite understands how I feel or how my OCD affects the way I view the world and certain situations. This post is a long one but I have no idea where else to turn. About three weeks ago I went out drinking with some friends for the day, I got drunk and remember about 90% of my night with the 10% that I didn’t just being random conversation. When I woke up the next day I checked my Snapchat story, this is something I always do after drinking because I worry I posted something when drunk. When I looked everything was normal, so then I went through my Snapchat photos to make sure I hadn’t done anything embarrassing and I came across a video I had taken in the bathroom. TMI warning, but this video was me trying to locate my tampon string as I couldn’t find it and being drunk panicked so used my camera to try and help locate it. I was in a playsuit that I couldn’t remove so had to move the fabric to the side to pee so the video looks like I’m doing something rude to myself when I’m actually not. You can’t see any body parts just the camera pointed at my covered downstairs area as I’m feeling around for my tampon, but if you didn’t know that you’d most probably think I was playing with myself😭 I had no clear memory of taking this video so I panicked thinking what if I accidentally sent it to someone or posted it on my Snapchat story, this false memory/intrusive thought has stuck with me ever since then and has caused me so much distress and panic I’m unable to function. There’s no evidence to support me posting it, no one messaged me, when I asked friends if they’d seen anything they said no, I posted a story asking if anyone had seen any weird activity on my story and those who answered said no, on my Snapchat data there’s no data of me viewing my story at 2am when the video was taken (something I would have had to do in order to delete the video) but due to my fear of my intimate pictures and videos being posted I’ve convinced myself that this is what’s happened. I’m worried someone seen it and screen recorded it, someone will send it to my family, it will stop me from getting a job working with children, people are laughing at me behind my back. Anything you can think of I’ve definitely thought of it and panicked about it. I’ve just never felt an intrusive thought so strongly before, I’ve convinced myself it definitely happened and I have no idea how to get out of this situation as it’s on my mind 24/7. I unfortunately can’t afford therapy at the moment (living in the UK and a full time student) so I was just wondering if anyone has any tips or techniques that might help, I’m honestly quite desperate. I’ve tried just excepting the fact it’s out there but a part of me does not want to except that because I’m not 100% sure it is, I just feel like I’m being bullied by my own head.

ever since i started college i have been feeling so depressed, i always fail my exams because my OCD wants me to be perfect in every way but I always end up making some sort of clumsy mistake and I end up repeating that mental compulsion again, it’s like its hard to face that uncertainty, i have been always trying and i ended up failing miserably so because of it i couldn’t start any new task like studying or cleaning because it did not feel ‘right’ so now I have failed my finals and I feel extremely bad to my parents because they spent so much of their money on my education and I just acted like it was nothing. I am 18, i don’t want my 20s to get ruined because of some mental health disorder… i have told my parents i have OCD but they think i’m lying and they think i’m just plain stupid so i can’t get therapy right now because its too expensive. Nothing in my life has been good, studies, relationships with family and friends, intellect, low self esteem, boring personality, i just feel like i was destined to suffer so i really feel like killing myself some day since all i do is just make people suffer by existing I also have ADHD that makes it hard for me to focus on one thing, however, i can tackle that and focus on a particular thing for long but i also suffer from stuttering which makes me so mad because i do want to talk with people but stuttering doesn’t let me fully talk properly and i just don’t talk at all and avoid new people i seriously don’t know what to do, my parents are considering to get me out from college, should i continue or should i leave?

i had a fear of all social media that started in the beginning of the year which made me delete all my social media. I recently have been trying to work on it so i downloaded instagram and sat there just looking at it with my thumb over the app and then ended up deleting it after a few minutes never opening it. yesterday night i decided to do it again but this time logging on. i decided to scroll and saw this hinge that triggered me but kept scrolling pushing myself which lasted for 20 minutes. i ended up deleting the app and felt so guilty for even being on it. today i decided to do the same thing and have been on and off again. it didn’t bother me and i was like omg am i finally going to be normal. i had gotten a thought that then sparked my old thoughts and whenever i checked my phone i felt stuff happening down below which i like to say but i know it is groinal response which makes me even more anxious and confuses me so much cause it makes me then think you want these things to happen or whatever the case may be. i wanna download the app again cause i enjoyed having connection with people again. i then sat asking my friend did i do ERP which now i’m asking if i was doing ERP? i now sit here thinking i downloaded the app which means i wanted these things to happen or come true and ever since i’ve been on meds i don’t get anxious but i ruminate so much. can someone please explain to me what is going on?

have y’all felt heart palpitations due to your OCD?

Hello everybody, I was wondering does anybody else get migraines from their intrusive thoughts. Let alone even just thinking? Id literally just think any thought and my head is full of anxiety and migraines . If anybody knows a good remedy or a technique please let me know. Love to hear your thoughts/experiences.

⚠️FLASHY GIF: Louise from Bob's Burgers laughing in front of raging fire⚠️ I'd say ~90% of my OCD is obsessive thoughts and it flipping sucks because for the most part it goes like this OCD: *insert disgusting and extremely upsetting thought here* Me: Ok PLEASE I will do ANYTHING just give me an out! OCD:

i woke up this morning with anxiety and i started spiraling and i had to continuously tell myself that i’m okay and i’m fine which i feel as if i’m doing it over and over again. my ocd is telling me that since it’s been a few good days that i want all of these things to happen and be real. im hoping to be able to move forward after this morning. does anyone else get like this or feel this way or is it just me?

hi everyone! i have had pretty sever ocd for five years now, and I have no idea how to make it any better. my ocd centers around contamination, perfectionism, suicidal thoughts(fortunately this one is rare), and other random bouts. does anyone have any tips at all for managing these thoughts? anything helps!!!

Hi, I’ve been struggling with OCD since last year after a really bad trip i had from smoking weed and since then new themes have come up, but the most distressing one has been Schizophrenia OCD or Mental Health OCD. My brother had an episode in 2019 and I have severe trauma and possible PTSD from the situation. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Last year I started to get a really bad obsession that I am going to end up like him and develop Schizophrenia. I did the worst thing possible and looked it up and found that you have a higher chance of developing it if someone in your family has it. I also have a grandpa who has it as well. I kept thinking “what if I end up just like my brother” or “what if that thought or action i just did means i’m showing early signs of it.” This has caused deep distress and started a bunch of compulsions like avoiding being near my brother, avoiding drinking after him or going in his room, or sitting in a spot he did. I kept thinking if I did those things then I would possibly end up just like him. When my mom or siblings would compare me to him in anyway even if it was positive it gave me so much anxiety and rumination. I started therapy in August of last year and it has helped tremendously, but this week my brother had another episode and it triggered a huge OCD flare up. It’s especially bad right now as I’m typing this, but my mind keeps saying “what if you’re just like him but yours may be worse” or “what if you sympathizing with him means you have some similar symptoms.” I’ve been crying a lot and super anxious. It seems like anytime I think “oh it’s just OCD” or “i’ve dealt with this before I know how to handle it,” something doesn’t allow me to accept that, and instead I start thinking that I’m going to develop it too. I have a therapy appointment soon but I just feel so isolated right now in my thoughts and it’s especially hard to explain it to my family. If anyone has any tips I would love that!

i am genuinely so ugly. like it’s so bad i cant look at myself in the mirror. i got dressed up for family and i just hate everything about myself. im so scared im going to hurt somebody out of this strong hatred of myself. i just want to feel good about myself again. i don’t know what to do. i keep getting irritated with my family and im so worried i’ll hurt them and snap. i want this to stop i cant live like this

i’d love to talk to anyone abt any ocd struggles if you’re interested, or even just anything in general. just feels good to get it all out once in a while :)

i keep accidentally looking at peoples private parts and i don’t mean to but i just happen to glance and i hate it because i feel like i make them uncomfortable. like yesterday my friend was talking about how her shirt made her uncomfortable because it was low on her chest and i glanced down there and i feel so bad cus i made her even more uncomfortable than she was before. i naturally keep my eyes to the floor but sometimes my end up on someone’s butt and i have to look up and tell myself how horrible of a person i am that i did that.

I’m really struggling. I’ve had BDD as long as I can remember- most days I feel so unbelievably sad and hopeless and I’ve never known what it’s like not to feel this way. I’m constantly thinking about which people are looking at me, what lights are on and off, how I can move my hair in front of my face so people can’t see me, what clothes I’m wearing, how to lose weight or dress to look skinny, and I spend hours at a time digging bloody holes in my face just because a tiny pimple felt so excruciating to know about without getting rid of. I have acne all over my face and I feel like sobbing whenever I see myself in a mirror. I can’t have my makeup off in front of people (haven’t been able to in a decade since I was 9 years old) but I also can’t sleep with makeup on, and this makes it so I can’t travel with my family or friends or stay at people’s houses unless I have my own room and bathroom (which is obviously not the norm). I miss classes and socializing often because I feel like I can’t go outside in the light so I sit alone in the dark for days at a time. I push everyone in my life away because of it. I was hospitalized a couple of times for an eating disorder and had to spend months at a time in inpatient treatment, so I’ve tried lots of intensive therapy and outside of treatment I met weekly with a therapist for 3 years. I’m just feeling so lost, alone, and helpless. I need advice, help, something. I always wonder whether I’d just be better off not living, even though I know that decision can’t even be on the table. It sucks.