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Anyone feel like they wake up one day and don’t feel the same anymore?

I have a really hard time with harm ocd. It makes me believe that I would do in the near future surely something bad… And I don’t know what to do to make me feel better. I started to sit with uncertainty and accept the presence of my thoughts but it feels like I accept the content. I’m desperate, I think that I’ll suffer all my life with that. I know that there are ups and downs but those downs are really scary, demotivating, unhopeful.

is this existential ocd? so basically i’ve had rlly bad moral ocd for a couple of months, and before that i had horrible health and harm related physical compulsions so bad i couldn’t sleep bc i couldn’t sleep in a certain position or i thought smth bad would happen to me. and i always had bad intrusive thoughts but nothing that haunted me as much as this. So my morals are rlly important to me and i consider myself a good person. But one intrusive thought said “since life is meaningless morals don’t exist they are just a made up concept.” I had severe panic attacks because of this and i felt like a horrible person. I couldn’t sleep and worry was on me constantly. I did mental compulsions like repeating, rumination, and some physical compulsions too. I also am doing a lot of avoidance bc this triggers me sm. I’m kinda worried i’ll start believing this even though logically ik it’s nonsense bc ofc morality exists but omf am i worried. i’m trying to not do any compulsions but pls anyone with advice?

So I’m trying ERP and as a result I’m not able to function eat sleep properly should I back down to my ocd and just do as it wishes Or keep up with this ERP which has been failing for the last 3 months

Hi! Sorry to bother you guys, but I’m really scared right now. So basically, my throat and glands started hurting yet seer ray before I went to work and I just work up in the middle of the night with a stuffy nose and my throat hurts a little more. I looked at my throat in my phone camera and it looks kinda swollen now and I’m really scared that it’s gonna close. But if it was going to close wouldn’t it have happened already? Please someone respond, I’m really scared of getting sick.

Hi all! So I’m home from college now for winter break and I was just curious: does anyone else’s OCD spike when coming home for the holidays? Like having an uptick in intrusive thoughts related to family members, being home, just surrounding that theme? Would appreciate input! It makes me feel so isolated. ..

hey guys, i was recently diagnosed with OCD and i was hoping id find some guidance here. About two months ago, I started to re-do my bedroom. I was very distressed because this is the room i’ve always been in, i grew up here. Part of me felt bad for painting over the walls. In order to paint my walls though, we had to move everything out of my room and organize it all. One day I was at work, and i got home to see every belonging of mine sitting in my living room. this wasn’t the issue, the issue was 1. I was not there to watch it 2. my things were placed in the wrong place and actually just thrown in random spots For days, all my things sat in the living room because I had no motivation to actually go through it all. My mom said I had way too much stuff and I needed to go through every single item and get rid of at least half. I kept trying to put it off but eventually I found myself unable to avoid it. I began going through my things and I was NOT able to get rid of anything. here’s why: 1. someone gave it to me and i felt like they would be mad if i got rid of it 2. the item holds a specific memory 3. it was “one of a kind” 4. I might need it someday My things have always been there, and it did not sit right with me that i would have to part with some of it. I eventually found myself having an absolute meltdown and yelling at my mom. I felt so bad but the more my things were messed with, the worse it got. I even tried to walk out of the house and not return. My mom always said “there’s no way that you are okay living like this” because i had so much clutter, and i would always respond with “it’s comforting to me, and i like it there.” and nobody could grasp the idea of my organized chaos and i felt fucking crazy. My grandma was helping me decorate my room and she’s very minimalistic, and she was trying to enforce that on my room but i’m a maximalist, and I need my stuff there. No empty space. Another meltdown I had was when my grandma put my clothes away, but she didn’t put them in the right drawers. My entire life I have kept the drawers the same. sweaters on bottom, then pants, shirts, socks/underwear. So when my grandma put my pants in the sweater drawer i just about shit my pants. I hid in the bathroom because I know she was just trying to be helpful and i didn’t want to yell at her. This is just one of the things that i’m experiencing, there’s so much more but i’m still trying to learn what this disorder is and why it’s happening. tips would be appreciated:) i won’t disclose my age, but i’m young.

( I can’t tell if this is triggering or not so just in case I will be mentioning antidepressants) Recently Camhs have decided it was best for me to go off of sertraline and I was on maximum dose to switch to a different medication as sertraline was not helping. I recently however decided that I didn’t really want to live on medication for the rest of my life and didn’t want to have to deal w all the side effects again. Now I’m medication free (well I will 100% be in a few days I’m on my last dose before being completely taken off) but my anxiety is through the roof, my ocd has taken an awful turn, and my brain is so immensely foggy not to mention I’ve been suffering from derealisation. Has anyone been taken off of sertraline before? I really just wanna know how long will these symptoms last because it’s really very tiring I’ve been on sertraline for two years so it was expected but damn this is quite scary!!

does anybody else hate breaks? Like christmas breaks or summer breaks? i dread them personally because I can always remember my ocd flaring up and getting the worst in this time periods.. As much as school and work can stress me out, I never have time to let my mind wander because i’m doing other things. But when breaks come around and i’m just left to my thoughts, it feels like my intrusive thoughts get worse and worse.

Why do I want to feel like I’m telling the truth to my parents by telling them I’m a rapist please help me

Does sexual orientation feel like you in the closet?

I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts and groinals for over a year and a half now, and the problem has only grown worse and worse. It began with just passing thoughts, and then I started developing groinals a few months in. It is genuinely with everything I love- mostly my family, but also my dogs, the toddler I babysit- and I am suffering so so so much. Eventually, it got to the point where the thoughts didn’t just pass- they would turn into a MINDSET for me and cloud my judgement for seconds to minutes. I feel like I’m in the backseat of my mind, and whatever disgusting irrational monster exists in their is taking the wheel. This still sometimes happens to me, and after it passes I look back on it and genuinely don’t want to live because of how horrible and disgusting I feel. I’m writing this because I just had a really bad moment having to do with my sibling (although things like that happen almost every day to me). No normal human is built for this, and I genuinely can’t do this anymore. I’m not expecting anyone to do anything, as I’m already getting help, but I just needed to get this out. Also, I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I’ll have the WORST and most awful intrusive moments, and then after a bit of time passes I can barely remember how I felt in that moment. It is so hard to feel okay with myself. If anyone even sees this, know that I am wishing for all your happiness and recovery.

I know that ocd becomes worse if a girl is having her period but is it normal if my ocd gets worse when I’m ovulating? Also, how can I stop rumminating? I find these videos in yt but I guess it became more a compulsion than other thing and doesn’t reaaly help me that much :/

I don’t know what happened but I feel like my OCD is back and I’m crying because I’ve been doing so good and now I feel like all of a sudden it’s back and I don’t want to go down this path again because it was really dark time for me and I was doing good like and I’m getting my medicine switched and I started a new one tomorrow but I don’t know I feel like there’s a spell on me. I can’t go through this again and I am crying I just I can’t go through this hell hole again and I really need help in advice to say strong during this because I can’t do this like I can’t do this again I can’t I hate how my brain is like so mad and just yells at me like I have to think about this in order for her to go away like no I don’t want to think about it but if I don’t think about whatever it wants me to think about, it’s like gets louder and louder in my head, and like the more urgent, feeling of having to think about it, in order to go away, I know it’s OCD I know it’s OCD and then like what if it’s not OCD like no if I don’t wanna think about something obviously it’s OCD it’s OCD it’s always OCD whatever my brain wants me to think about and it gets louder and louder. It’s just it’s OCD bro it’s OCD, I think I am going on a spiral and I just really need help like I’m tired of my OCD wanting to think about things and then saying it’s not OCD when it’s literally OCD

Hi! So I just recently got my OCD diagnosis but I haven’t really seen any of my symptoms listed anywhere online. I’m mainly pure O, but I do have one physical compulsion where I am constantly cracking my knuckles/ other joints. To the point where I cant go over 45 seconds without cracking something without being incredibly uncomfortable unless I’m asleep. It doesn’t help that I have super lax joints so cracking repetitively is just something my body naturally allows. I feel so awkward going on dates/ job interviews/ work meetings/ etc… where I’m around new people because everyone I’m close to in life knows and just accepts the cracking since it’s been going on since at least middle school, but to new people it must seem incredibly rude if not just plain annoying. I also do not have to crack a certain amount of times, but I have to get a “satisfying” crack before I can do anything else. It started interfering with work to certain extents because I could have my report all typed up and then sit there for 5-10 minutes before being able to hit send because I HAD to get the right crack before doing anything else. Or when I have a patient that I’m taking vitals on and pause for a solid 3-4 minutes after putting the blood pressure cuff on them because I can’t continue until I get the right crack. As for the “O” part, I feel like my thoughts don’t fit neatly into a single category of OCD. There will be nights (most of them lately) where I cannot sleep because I’m overthinking things to the point that I become suicidal. Not to the point of acting on it, but where I simply want to give up and not exist. Most of these thoughts seem to be about things from my past that I consider embarrassing. For example, I went on a date with a girl about a year ago now where I word vomited and was so embarrassed about it that I still think about it daily. I have since gone on dates with many other woman and don’t have any attachment to the girl this date was with, but I think back on how awkward I was and the self loathing is fueled for the night. If I hang out with friends or people I’m super comfortable with and I say something stupid, not even thinking about it in the moment, I’ll go home at night and think about it until I’m nauseous and crippled with sadness and regret. I’ve been having panic attacks a lot lately because I can’t seem to quiet the thoughts and I just get so worked up. Night time is definitely the worst for me as its typically when I have the downtime to sit with my thoughts as opposed to during the day when I’m working or out with friends my mind has other things on it. I also go through really bad obsessions, different from thoughts that keep me awake at night but just things that I become utterly obsessed with for weeks on end (if not more). For example, I was watching the show Supergirl a couple months ago and got so incredibly obsessed with it that once I finished, I had a huge depressive episode and felt like I couldn’t get out of bed for over a week. And the obsession continued for weeks after. This sounds more like ADHD to me but I thought I’d throw it in here as a symptom as well since I’m still super new to the diagnosis and am not 100% what is what. Lastly, I have a weird thing that’s been going on for years now where I’m deathly afraid of intimacy. I’ve had long term relationships, and along with them sexual relationships, but overall I am so uncomfortable with anyone perceiving me that the past couple months I have not been able to even put myself out there because I’m so scared of being judged. I dated a guy for 4 years and maybe made out with him 2-3 times the entire relationship because I was scared of kissing because I felt like I wasn’t experienced enough with it and was always overthinking everything that I just never pushed through and got myself comfortable. Its been 3 years now since that relationship ended and I’m still scared of kissing someone or touching them in case I am doing something wrong. I don’t mind being kissed or touched as much as I mind starting the act myself. I’m just so self conscious about anything that has to do with my body that I feel like I cant function as a normal human. I also have an issue where I can’t eat in front of anyone other than a few close friends or family. I feel like I gave myself an eating disorder because I don’t want to be seen doing anything with my body that I don’t have to, and it’s made some normal life tasks incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve been really depressed lately and have been having a hard time managing my health, work, and school all together. I’m not sure if this is due to the OCD or just depression on its own, but that’s another worth mentioning I guess. A lot of these symptoms I assumed were maybe autism for a long time, and I thought maybe the finger cracking was tourette’s at first, but I was given an OCD diagnosis and am curious if anyone else has anything similar going on with them because I really cant seem to find anything relatable online. Part of me feels like I may have been incorrectly diagnosed, so I would love to hear from others!

So I took out a loan for my college. And it said it covered the costs, and I was all set. I only had to pay eighty bucks per month because of the loan. Suddenly. And I mean SUDDENLY. I have 7k to pay off?? The loan was SET. And covered it. I am really confused and scared and my compulsions have come back because of it. I feel like vomiting I can’t call the school as it’s too late. What if I get kicked out? Because I can’t pay that amount? What if they won’t work with me? I’m so scared please PLEASE I need some advice. ANYTHING.

i just switched therapists and today was my first session with my new therapist. while on the call i had a panic attack and ended up hanging up the call cause i couldn’t calm down. i’m extremely sad about how the therapist is treating the situation. i voiced what was going on when the panic attack started. i later messaged her apologizing and explaining that my panic attacks cause a rush of compulsions that i HAVE to submit to rapidly. she’s suggesting i “wait until after the new year” to continue therapy. i don’t understand that because i so clearly need the help now, i can barely function. i’m not sure what to do in this situation and im so sad and hurt. i need help and im literally crying over how disappointing it is to be brushed off by the person who i need help from.

Hi everyone, so I’m way new to this kind of thing but I figured it might help to find more people that I can relate to as far as this part of my life goes. I will put a trigger warning for certain language regarding illness, violence, SH, COVID and obviously OCD. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, not really a specific kind just mixed obsessions and compulsions. Even so, I’ve known for a while that I might have OCD, my family did as well. I started having problems when I was about 11 when my whole family got sick with a virus, since then my whole life revolves around this disorder. Where to begin, I guess I’ll start with my fears, I think the better question would be; what don’t I fear, but my main fear would be illness. I know that this is usually linked with contamination OCD and that I deal with that kind of OCD the worst. I’m terrified of getting sick, specifically regarding illness that affects the gastrointestinal system but any sickness is scary. Since I was 11, I’ve had this crippling fear that controls my school life, work life, my diet, my friendships, relationships, my home life, the medicine I will take and treatments I will allow, and overall, my happiness. On top of having OCD I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), I believe that both of these, although having a genetic factor, are severely worsened by my OCD. Things only got worse when COVID happened. It was like the world was ending and honestly I wish it had because that would’ve been easier. My fear was solidified during those years. On top of not wanting to interact with anyone, I lost someone very important to me from complications due to COVID. I miss this person greatly, and going through that grief was immense putting my fear at its peek. With that being said, I also deal with intrusive thoughts that are violent in nature, sometimes to others, mostly to myself. Those thoughts can be anywhere from hatred, disgust, anger, and just straight violence. I have lots of shame surrounding the intrusive thoughts I have because it’s hard for me to recognize that those thoughts aren’t a reflection of my real feelings of others or myself. I also have a hard time in relationships, including friendships, because I constantly question my feelings toward that person, not knowing how to differentiate between the intrusive thoughts I have about them and the actual feelings I have for them. During this time, I’m growing and learning new things about myself, exploring my sexuality and gender as well and becoming who am I today. I’m 18 now and a senior in high school and I feel like I’ve missed so much of my teenage years hiding from the world in fear. In person schools are hell for me, when I go I’m constantly on edge, overwhelmed with the fear of sickness and people and even just breathing the air that the other students breathe. Being there makes it so hard to learn, think, or complete assignments and because of this, my education looks a lot different from most. I’m in an online school, it’s still a public school but online. This school has been a positive experience for the most part, I can learn and get good grades that I couldn’t before, it also gives me a sense of independence and control of my education. However, it also means I miss out on a lot of things. My school does hold a prom and graduation for students but I have no friends at this school because most people aren’t here to socialize but to get an education and move on. So, I’ve never been to a prom, my only friend lives in a different state than me, I don’t experience parties or sneaking out or relationships outside of the non-serious ones I had in middle school, overall, this disorder has made me very lonely. My parents are amazing, they truly do their best to accommodate to me but they will never understand the extent of what I go through. I never want them to fully understand what it’s like to have OCD the way I do. I wouldn’t wish this disorder on anyone. They have gotten me doctors that want to help me and a great therapist but I still struggle. I will say in recent months I’ve been making some progress however there are still bad days. I understand that this disorder is for life but I hope that one day I can live in spite of it. I often think back to a time where life was so much more enjoyable because I wasn’t constantly anxious. I miss a time where I was living instead of surviving. I hope that this app can do me some good, I’m an adult now and I want to change how I’m living. I want to find more independence and happiness and most importantly, peace of mind that everything will end up okay. Now, this is only a summary of my story but I hope that if you got this far you understand that you aren’t alone in this. We aren’t alone. - Jay (he/him)

-social anxiety -existential ocd -religious ocd

I have pocd. How are you supposed to practice erp with an intrusive thought that is so disgusting and wicked? A disgusting two-words intrusive thought? It's difficult for me to just sit still and get exposed to such a horrible thought. I still can't write it because it triggers me a lot so I'll say the "acronym": it's pc but read backwards... if you get the word I'm trying to say you'll understand that that word is very disgusting, for me it's the worst word ever of all times and I can't simply deal with it, whereas with other triggering words I am able to move on. With this thought for me it is simply impossible to ignore. And moreover the day after tomorrow is my 18th birthday, a once of a lifetime event and I'm afraid that I'm going to start that day with the same intrusive thought ruining everything and having the memory of that thought forever because it is associated to such an important event. How I deal with that? How do I apply ERP to such a disgusting intrusive thought? I can't do it. How can I move forward? Somebody help me, please.