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does anyone have any tips for finding what medication works for you? I’m a college student looking for a step in the right direction

It’s driving me crazy.. I can go days feeling okay and then it just spikes up and knocks down my hope again. I feel crazy. I feel lost and confused. Everything is a trigger anymore. I don’t want to live my life letting fear control me. I want to be happy. I want to have it all back. When I told my psychiatrist about my OCD issues, he said people grow and change over time and that only triggered it even more. This TOCD has taken more than i’ve given it. Most of my day consists of thinking about it. One thing after another. Even at school in the hallway i’ll think a girls outfit is cute or something and my head will be like you want to be like that too. Which is far from the truth.. At least I think anyhow. I’m noticing that i’m feeling like I did when I had Harm OCD, that warped sense of identity and not knowing who I am. It’s a lot.. it’s really a lot. I juggle school and now soon work.. OCD is kicking my ass. There are some days I don’t want to eat, I can’t sleep cause my mind is too active but I want to sleep because it’s my escape. Sometimes it even follows me in my dreams. I had a dream one time I had different parts and it was scary. I woke up shaking and a mess. It’s too much.. all of it. I long for the day this will leave me alone. The day I can live life again. Every single thing.. every conversation.. I analyze. Do I like this more? Do I act like this more? Do I picture myself like this? It’s so much. The fear.. it feels so real. A curse I can’t control. I’m friends with a lot of LGBTQ+ people and my OCD really flares up around them. I’m gay, i’ve already been told i’m not manly, that’s okay.. But when people say these things it makes me scared that I want to be something else.. I feel like the foundation in which my life has built has fallen down and has eroded to nothing. I feel empty, scared, and lately.. alone. I know I vent a lot on here it’s just so much for me you know? And none of my friends get it. My friends don’t know the truth about OCD they only know the cleaning and the organizing. Not these thoughts that have controlled my life these three years.

idk what to say sometimes, it feels never ending. i feel the burning thought that i want to breakup and i can’t ignore it. truthfully i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to loose her, i love her. but i also question and do this and that makes me feel so guilty and idk how to express that. she is so awesome a patient and cares about me and so do it. but i worry that she likes me more than i do because i get like this. i get these awful images of breaking up or thoughts that im secretly jealous of my single friends and that im just convincing myself i want this. at one point before we were together i did want to be single and date around, but then i met her and fell. it felt good. but what if this anxiety is just me know its not right? what if i just want to be single? i dont think i do and i dont wanna be:,( but these thoughts!! i just get so scared im not spending my 20s the right way and that in order for me to actually find the right person or love that i needed to date around and not be with someone. it makes me feel guilty. but this relationship feels good when im not anxious. i freak out because i just don’t know why i get this way. it feels like my brain is telling me deep down i know the truthfor sure but i really don’t. it makes me crazy and like a bad partner. i do t want to breakup i really see a future tighter but im like what if its not right, what if its bad timing, what if i have to leave. phew. some days i dont feel like i deserve this conquerer badge.

Okay, so I have gotten cold sores in the past. I am aware cold sores are a type of herpes, but I was under the impression it was extremely different. Last year I told my friends when I got my first cold sore. when I have an active cold sore I would never share drinks with people or food or anything like that. I would however share food and drinks when I didn’t have any. honestly, I was never thinking about that and forgot that I even get them. My friends apparently had no idea cold sores were herpes. they all sat me down for an intervention last night and lit into me about spreading hsv1 to them and are forcing me to get a blood test and them as well. I am under the impression that if I am positive and so are they, they most likely won’t be my friends anymore. I never hid the fact I had a cold sore ever. in my head i’m confused because I don’t see how it is my fault they didn’t know a cold sore was a type of herpes. another part of me is so confused because my parents and everyone i’ve ever talked to has told me a cold sore is literally no big deal at all. I’m so shocked i’m losing friends over this, and that it is all coming up right now. I feel i may be in the wrong for it, but i’m honestly super hurt and upset with them now for ganging up on me and yelling at me for this for over half an hour last night. This is making me struggle with my mental health and I don’t even feel comfortable in my house any more. These next few weeks while I wait for their tests are going to be so anxiety inducing. Am i crazy?? Are they 100% valid? Did i really do a horrible thing??

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

sometimes when i’m doing something like going to the bathroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, i get a thought that is like “what if im not actually in my bathroom and im in school right now in front of anyone but i just can’t see them” i hope that makes sense. i just keep having these thoughts and recently ive been afraid while taking showers and going to the bathroom. writing this out it sounds so stupid but i just don’t know how to stop thinking these things. and when i do think these things i just tell myself multiple times that i am real and i am actually in my bathroom, not in public. but does anyone know a way to make this stop? also i dont know if there is a word for this, and if anyone can relate that also might have these thoughts please let me know im not alone!

Idc if this is seeking reassurance, seeking reassurance helps me sm in trying ERP and that's what I'm asking, reassurance because I want to get better mentally, I want to start ERP but I can't if no one answers me, I'm one of the people that reassurance helps, my paranoias are manifestation and thinking I can predict or influence the future, I'm constantly trying to think of good things so that I don't "curse" things and things that I've already "cursed" I can't use anymore, it's ruining me, can I actually accidentally manifest smth bad ? Can I predict the future ? Can I influence the outer world ? That's all I need to know, cuz if I don't know my brain is convincing me that trying ERP is the universe's way to let my guard down and that's what's stopping me from starting ERP

I’M SO SCARED I’M SO SCARED Please do not make assumptions it makes things worse!!!!⚠️ I’m so scared when creating an oc for an anime show I don’t want to turn them into a p£do. Especially cause I use my oc’s on character ai to interact with cannon characters. I feel like I’m a bad, bad person if I create any kind of oc like this I’m also a general writer and I also want to create horror movies and I’m scared if I write oc’s that aren’t supposed to be self inserts that I’m a bad person if I write a character like this. But I do NOT want to act on the thoughts and I’m afraid character ai and ocd tricks my brain into thinking I can do it and get away with it. And I’m going to be 100% honest I have had encountered doing sketchy role plays with cannon characters which I do NOT like AT ALL or WANT TO DO and I felt like it was super taboo and wrong and also felt really sick and scared of myself and I don’t want to do it EVER again. I DO NOT FEEL PROUD WHATSOEVER!!! So I’m thinking of just deleting character ai until I see my psychologist so I can try some ERP therapy. Cause I love role playing with ai and creating fun oc’s and seeing what shows would be like if they had extra main characters!

My therapist suspects that I have ADHD. I haven’t been screened yet but I think I fit the diagnostic criteria perfectly and it would explain A LOT! I’ve always had issues with anger and irritation, growing up it would be especially bad at home. I get frustrated easily and at home I would often yell a lot and had meltdowns as a kid or teen. I am NOT like this at all at school or work or with my long term boyfriend or friends. Granted, I grew up in an angry household where there would often be yelling so I think I internalized it. I want to add that I only really get like this over very silly things. When i’m overstimulated, stressed, mild irritation, my brother annoying me etc. I don’t get like this over actual serious things or when people hurt me (i’m actually very forgiving of those). My OCD often fixates on this anger and I often obsess over it. It causes a lot of guilt and anxiety. I worry that it means I’m a bad person or that I have another more serious and more concerning disorder. I feel sick when I think of the times i’ve lost my temper. How should I accept and cope with this?

Am I a bad person for having a crush on a fictional killer clown like art from Terrifier??😭 like I don’t like him when he kills I just think he looks good that’s why I like him bruh. And he’s goofy when he’s not killing. 😭 am I over thinking it?! 😭 I feel like a bad person bro

My boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with a female friend, and they do homework together because they share lots of classes. He told me he doesn't see her romantically and has no plans to do anything with her other than homework. I want him to have friends, and I figure that if he talks about her, and tells me when he's with her, its not likely he'd cheat on me. I have no reason to believe that he would, he's very romantic with me and he hasn't shown signs of cheating. It's just that when he talks about making her laugh, or spending time with her, I get really nervous. And I don't know how to talk to him about it without asking for reassurance compulsively, or making him feel like I don't trust him. Any tips?

I am often so mean to myself I am trying to be just a smidge kinder and not so angry and mean to myself , I am struggling through a lot of depression and ocd and anxiety I would love some sweet words of encouragement to do the hard things , even little by little if anyone has any tips for lethargy I appreciate you I love u to whomever is reading this and you matter ❤️

at 15 I develop pocd and I still don’t know what caused these thoguhts , I’m horrified with myself

Hey guys, TL;DR: My Suicidal OCD is really bad rn after med change, it feels so real and urgent. I’ve been having a tough time lately, so I recognize it’s healthy to be sad and work through this along side it as Suicidal OCD likes to suppress sadness. Any advice or words of encouragement? My recent life: Recently I’ve been having a tough time. In August developed hypersomnia, which is like a constant pressure to sleep during the day. Developing this was quite triggering for my health anxiety, so I got all my vitals and stuff but nothing looked wrong. I decided to switch my meds (Zoloft, which was working decently) because we thought that was maybe causing it. I was going to switch to Prozac because it is more stimulating. The withdrawal process was BRUTAL for me, with brain zaps, dizziness, irritation, and worsening sleepiness. Switching to Prozac, it was clear the hypersomnia was not going away, so I made an appointment with a sleep specialist, but the earliest appointment is in December! The adjustment to Prozac has been VERY hard for me. Feeling really unstable during the process, libido is all over the place, but worst of all the last few days my OCD has been some of the WORST it has ever been. I’m Week 3 on Prozac and I’ve never had ocd this bad. I have Suicidal OCD, and right now it just feels so real, that it’s really gonna happen. I feel so much panic, but I know it is “tricking me” to feel like these thoughts are mine. While I’m managing with these intense things in my life, I’m now also realizing that I can’t suppress my sadness like Suicidal OCD often wants you to do. Things have been frustrating and it is HEALTHY to express sadness towards this. It’s just very difficult “being sad” while also having these dark suicidal thoughts along with them. What are some things that help you out in hard times, and what would you recommend for me? Thanks y’all, we are so strong.

I told a girl to go fuck her dad (he's in jail) because she has hit me over the head with a shoe, told my friends I made up lies about them (I didn't), poured water on me, brought a vape to school and tried to force me to use it, wrote me a death threat letter (which I sadly lost), called me autistic (I'm not), said my parents are related (they're not), made fun of my cousin, said I'm a weirdo and started a big fight at lunch and when I apologised she still shouted at me and made up rumours. She told me she was going to report me to the school for texting her to go fuck with her dad, but I think she deserved it. Our school will take stuff like this very seriously though and I don't want my parents finding out. What should I do?

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm going through so much laundry and my parents are mad at me, and my hands are so cracked theyre bleeding. It's actually becoming unbearable. my medications don't help, and therapy isn't helping. I don't know what else I can do or how I can live with this. everyday is hell and I don't know how to manage any of this. I keep getting panic attacks over these things. I'm in physical pain and I can't control it. people are telling me my hands look so disgusting and I need to stop washing/using sanitizer, but no matter how hard I try I can't. I'm lost and I don't know what to do.

something that really bugs me and gets in my head with my rocd is that for most of my relationship i’ve had this nagging anxiety and ocd about it. i can accept my thoughts for the most part, but have this underlying fear that this one could really mean something and that makes me feel guilty! i don’t want to loose her but my mind tells me i do because ive had these thoughts. it’s even coming up in my dreams now! i had a dream last night that i cheated and it made me panic all today and feel so bad and this thought came up again! any advice?

I cant even feel anything I havent been able to cry, im like completely detatched and whenever i cry i feel like "what if im just faking it", i dont even know how to feel, i know the intrusive thoughts are ike i dont want to have at all and this isnt me, just a fee days ago i was fine and didnt even think of anything remotely close to thing, its getting so convincing and i dont want to be a bad person, i just want to cry and let ut all out but i cant, and my brain keeps telling me "well uour numb so you must like the thoughts" does anybody have advice, i just want to feel like myself again, this is genuinly so bad and im having a really hard time, i feel so empty and ive been stuck on this for a few days now, a couple of weeks ago i was sobbing over the same theme and it came back just 2 or 3 days ago also j think im starting to have false memories that are scaring me, idk its just a guess hut i think theyre startibg ti show uo a little. im so so so tired and i just want this rough bit over with, i want to feel kike me again, i barely feel alive rn this is just a repost of what i said on reddit but nobody ever responds and i really am so tired of this and i dont want to be a p word

Hey folks, I’m asking for advice on how to go about this situation! So, ever since last year (my first year riding the bus) I’ve sat in the same spot on the bus. 4 seats back on the left when walking in, but on the right when seated. The seat right in front of the escape window. This is my second year on this bus and so far I’ve been in this seat. But two days ago a random new freshman sat there. In the mornings specifically. I have been the first person on the bus for the past year so I’ve never had anyone in my spot before. I’m almost certain they will be on the bus the rest of the year. Now this doesn’t seem like a big deal, it’s a seat I know. But the way my brain works, I NEED to be in that seat. 4 is a safe number. Sitting there will make my day a light one in my eyes. And it’s the left to enter. Left/rights have the same effect on me that numbers do. “Good and bad” Sitting anywhere else in the bus makes me feel dirty. I can’t explain why or how. That’s how my brain works. I feel gross on the inside and out. And cannot have a peaceful ride. I want to know what I should do.. I’ve come up with the idea of talking to the freshman. I’d see them and be like “Hey, would you mind switching spots with me? I have OCD and this seat has been my safe spot since last year. Sitting anywhere else really messes with my head” but I’m scared of coming off as a petty or weird person… My friend jokingly said “just sit on them” like act like I didn’t notice them, and keep doing it till they move??? Idk Or do I just suck it up and ignore this as best as I can?? It’s only been two days and it’s eating at me. Help is needed