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How do you get rid of intrusive thoughts? I feel sick to my stomach and very scared and disgusting feel like the only way out is to kill myself but I can’t do that I can’t go through this again. I keep praying but I just want it to go away

Im avoiding for days now cause im afraid i do have to accept that im the same place where people who experience suicidal thoughts are, and if i say im not cause im not like "them" they are different i feel shame cause i look down on them... Im working on my thoughts and its been days now that i feel like i have to accept that as a suicidal thought, maybe i dont want to act on it but i have to accept it as a suicidal thought that i experienced cause i felt low. And i dont like this cause ocd tells me this is dangerous, you had an actual suicidal thought it means you are in danger" I dont want to accept it it feels bad, i feel shame when i accept that i thought about suicide, and my anxiety goes up. The only thing that helped was when i denied and said "no it waa jjst ocd making me feel like i want to end my life" and because its on ocd its not real,i felt okay, like the big weight got down from my shoulder,but it kept bugging me that im just avoiding and i should accept it was a real thought. And as i work with my thoughts, i found that i have to accept the thought as a suicidal thought and yeah i dont want it but ita a suicidal thought and it came up cause i felt bad at the moment and i thought dying is a way out. Cause in that moment it feel like that, i actually had the feeling like it is, i even thought about it that i can feel that i could go there to get so worked up that i decide that im doing it now, and i would have the urge but when i would go to do it i would quickly change my mind cause its not good... but the whole thing i wrote down before it means something... i think i even had situations like that, i used to have urges which i said ocd but in times it got so bad that i wasnt even dealing with ocd, i had a situation, i said its too much i cant deal with it and this strong feeling made an urge in me that i want to do it, and i said i do it and the feelings were align with that, but then quickly i got afraid, its bad, im in danger, why do i said this.... back in the days i even felt like the fear is what stops me so i actually want to do it but the fear stops me, i was not knowing anything about ocd back then, but now i know about urges and feeling likes, but for me it seems like a real problem cause its about a real problem and i get worked up and i feel like i want to do it. And if i think all about the thoughts i have in that moment, its the same with people who experience suicidal thoughts and feelings. "Im alone, nothing will be the same, i can live like this" this thoughts pops up in my mind in that moment, if its the same how could i say im i a different situation than those people, when you put away the fear, its the same thing. I feel like the reason im still here because i didnt accepted as a real problem and dealt with it like that...

Again i had a suicidal thought and why i feels so real is because it came with so strong emotions. I felt hopeless and panicking that i want a way out ans then i was hit by a huge shame and sadness cause i dont want to die... its so hard, what do i do with all those emotions... it feels like its true, expecially when im in a hard situation, like actually something bad happens. I dont see the difference between my thoughts and emotions and someone who is sttuggling with suicidal thoughts. I know personally someone who had self harm problems and wbat helped him was the "thoughs are not you", and we use the same thing, and whenever i think about that my mind says maybe it works cause i have the same thing as people with suicidal feelings and emotions. Its a lie that everyone wants to die cause i heard about people who doesnt like their suicidal rhoughts and feelings, they feel shame about it and are afraid of it... well its the same we go through... and the usual ocd method is to say "maybe maybe not" but it gives me feeling of shame, shame that maybe i was close to end my life. We dont know the answer but im tired that it comes back always with this strong feeling, like hopelessness, sadness, anger. I give an exenple lets say i lose someone, ans then i experience a thought that i have noone, i lost someone who is important to me, the world is unsafe, i want to get out of here, this comes with the feeling of despair, sadness, anger and hopelessnes cause i have a real problem, i lost someone so i can say i feel this becauee of that and even therapists would say im experiencing suicidal feelings. Yet some say its ocd. How? I just want to understand how its ocd when poeple with the same experience get diagnosed with suicidal thoughts and feelings?

Im feeling so panicked right now and i keep having dark thoughts. I cant even breathe with how panicked i am, idk what to do. I feel like everything is hopeless. I was talking to my friend about feeling really lonely and even she doesnt know what to tell me anymore. I feel like dying, whats the point of suffering even more if its never going to get better. I cant even think straight from the panic please anyone help me

I have been dealing with my OCD around politics and it has completely taken over my life. I can’t stop see the cruelty, infighting and controversy that circulates in the news everyday. I am unable to do my work or even take naps without having panic attacks. My mother yells at me and calls me insane. She says I am choosing to suffer and I am going to lose everything. I bought my girlfriend a ring and I was going to propose to her in our Norway trip next month, but she keeps crying when she sees me spiral. She has seen me hit myself and say I want to die. She can’t take anymore. I’m losing my mind and will to survive with each passing day. I can’t see the love of my life suffer when I am losing control of myself. I want to kill myself to free her from the pain. I know she will hurt from this, but I am putting her through this suffering every day. I don’t have many friends left and I have no one else to turn to. My own family turns their back on me because they don’t want the negativity and I can’t be completely honest with my girlfriend on my feelings.

My entire body hurts. I’m struggling to make friends,my fear of getting rejected holds me back from making friends. I’m so fucking numb I can’t stand it hardly any longer. I have type 1 diabetes that I have to control on top of having untreated ocd. I can’t find a therapist atm that specializes because I can’t fucking afford therapy. I’m pretty sure talk therapy has made ocd worse. I don’t want to live like this. it’s not even me it’s a shell and I hate my life right now.

I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end

I've been used by "friends" 4 times in my life. Once by my childhood best friend Second by my abusive ex boyfriend Third by my first college friend Fourth by my first college hookup And now, by my roomate who was supposed to be a friend In each and every situation, these ppl used me for my body, my emotions, my presence, whatever they wanted. And it would cross too many boundaries, hurt too much of my wellbeing, and cause me to be depressed. These people did not care about me, I was used and talked bad about, hurt and manipulated, gaslighted. "Bitch, stupid, emotional, too sensitive, selfish, aggressive," because when i communicated that vulnerability of them hurting me and how it hurt me, they did it more and more. And the worst situation was when i was being sexually groomed by my first college friend And I believed the hurtful things they said to me, their explanations in treating me bad, their excuses, because I already was saying those same things to myself. I believed I was what they said I was, because I believed i was that. And each and every time it happens i wish to kill myself than exist living for other ppl. I need to beat negative self talk, low self esteem, and self hatred. Because if I don't I'll be on my last straw. I don't know if I have ocd. I don't know what I have mentally that already instilled within me so much self hate and negative self talk. But I need to heal before the wound becomes infected. And I'm tired of being in a prison of my own brain, I'm tired of the constant negative thoughts, and the little relief that I get from it. I want to beat negative self talk.

I feel like giving up. I don’t want to but it’s so hard and the only person that can make it better is me. But I’ve given up so many things that are important to me because of my OCD. I’ve isolated myself so much and given up on my dreams because of all this fear. Sometimes I feel like I need to protect everyone else from me and my doubts and insecurities. I feel like I’m hurting everyone or have the potential to let everyone down. I hate this.

I had the worse OCD, like I can't even function nor move without breaking down and I can say that I've done a lot of self-harm. I experience all kinds/types of OCD and it was torturing. Then, I got this one-eyed rescue cat; I thought I rescued her, turns out she was the one rescuing me. A year after I got her, I got another cat (this time, a deaf one). They made my life worth living, seeing them makes me happy. I still experience some episodes and sometimes I regress but it wasn't as hard as before. Since the both of them have special needs, they are a bit more handful than the "normal" cats but doing tasks for them (e.g. preparing food, cleaning up, taking them to the vet regularly, bathing, grooming, and such other things) made my life meaningful! Maybe if you can get a pet, I suggest you get one! Adopting/Rescuing might help you and the animal you are getting. Have a blessed night! (or morning)

tw: mention of physical symptoms caused by anxiety and quick mention of sh does anyone else have poor work attendance and call out too much bc of anxiety ? i don’t want to sound entitled for “having the luxury of calling out” whenever i need to bc i know some people just can’t afford to. but i just want to know if anyone else has this issue. (i work a part time barista position) my anxiety will manifest into paralyzing physical symptoms like severe nausea, sweats, urges to sh, and continuous horrible intrusive thoughts that manifested said anxiety attack, and i know that my unstable mental state will make me very unpleasant to be around and completely unable to perform my job properly. so i’ll end up calling out. my managers haven’t talked to me about my attendance, but i’m very vocal about it bc i’m highly aware that it’s a problem. i’ve told them that it’s not that i don’t want to work. i’m not that kind of employee. i just become so paralyzed and consumed in my head that i know i won’t be able to perform my role that day and it’ll do more damage coming in unfortunately. i know most people will just go in regardless and i completely admire those of you that do. but does anyone just have shitty attendance for this reason ? :(

I don't know if I've always struggled with OCD in one way or another and never realized it or if this is simply a recent development from a lot of stress suddenly put on me all at once... At the start of this semester I had registered for a "Death and Dying" class thinking it would be an interesting elective. I went in expecting a more objective outlook on the subject, but the first two classes I attended, the teacher had us talk in groups and it ended up getting really personal and uncomfortable for me. It included an anonymous poll from students, showing how many of us had dealt with varying causes of death in friends and family, and I was already nauseous and holding back from crying. I had to leave in the middle of the second class because I couldn't handle the discussions without bursting into tears. Crying while trying to talk about difficult subjects is not new to me, I cry very easily, but I never expected it to interfere with school this way. I stood in the hall wondering why I was the only one visibly struggling to stomach the contents of this class. I took a walk around campus and I believe this is where the depersonalization/derealization began. I didn't feel in control of my body at all and my head felt so foggy as well as feeling nauseous. For the next few days I felt so horrible. For some reason, I started imagining myself getting the gun we have for defense from my parents room and taking my life. I want to live. I love my life and I have no reason to want to go through with that. But these thoughts were so overwhelming and consuming that I couldn't focus on anything else. This combined with the feeling of not being in control of my body became a very scary situation for me mentally. (Worth noting that it's ONLY ever the gun. I never think about overdosing or hanging or anything else like that. I think it may be a combination of it being a quick and violent method.) I even had to leave a few hours into a shift at work, something I NEVER do. I slowly opened up to my mom every now and then about these feelings by typing them in my notes and showing them to her (again, I cry very easily. It's dfficult to speak between sobs.) But after a few more days I couldn't take it anymore. I cried hysterically and finally told my parents I was dealing with these intrusive thoughts because it felt like such a dire situation. Thankfully, they responded with wanting to help as well as locking up the gun in a safe. We went for a car ride and had a long talk about intrusive thoughts and other things that could have caused me to become so distressed (recent death in the family I didn't know how to cope with, my father passing before I was old enough to understand, my fears for the future, etc.) I felt way better after all that, but the intrusive thoughts still stayed. I was still in a depersonalization episode and couldn't shake the feeling of being "doomed" as if even of I don't take my life, something bad is going to happen. (This is already lengthy so I think I'll make this 2 parts)

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesn’t stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ❤️

If I live my life normally and then feel/think about the thoughts when im alone - does that mean its OCD? Sometimes I can feel the thoughts when im having fun but in the back if my mind and other times, specially when im alone, the come back in full force with feeling attached ( sadness etc)… my therapist told me the first time it happened that it was OCD… but what if shes wrong? Or whaat if the second time around its the real thing? ( i know what ifs are typical OCD behaviour but I cant help but wonder). When I see my parents and they’re so happy to see me I directly feel bad because the thoughts go like ( they’ll be sad when you leave this earth, you’ll break their heart if you do it, you will be their shame, you’ll never live to see yourself married with grown up kids etc…) and I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I HAVE THESE ITS SOOO WEIRD!!!!! I wanna go back to how it was before this!

Recently my anxiety has been bad because it gets worse when I'm at college. All I can think about is death and "what if this happens to me" and it's hard for me to picture myself in the future because I just feel like something is going to happen to me. Then the topic of suicide will pop in my head even though I don't want to die but it just makes me uncomfortable thinking about it and freaks me out. I've been telling myself " what if in my sleep I unconsciously harm myself" this sounds so crazy but genuinely gives me anxiety.

Now i know i need to accept when i feel anxiety or fear, ive been avoiding it or pushing it away.l, cause im afraid ir will take me and to be honest i cant really deal with fear. I noticed when i feel it a I say its okay, im feeling this but theres no danger and by this i pushing it away. But when theres is signs of an aczual danger i ho crazy. I try to push away the fear but it says that "there is a sign, we are in danger, are you crazy?" Ane i keep spinning. I heard alot about accepting thatbwe feel anxiety or fear but thats always makes me accept that theres a danger. Cause im accepting what i feeling but then my mind wants to know if theres a danger and im spinning over that, then i feel like i need to avoid it cause i cant handle... or if i say theres might be a danger or there is i go crazy... then i start to have the selfharm automative thoughts and in the panic i cant see that its ocd, im trying to say it but i feel like im lying, then everything feels true... i cant accept that i feel anxiety but its not a danger but even this you can see i start to rumminate over "okay i feel this but is there a problem? Yeah is see this this is a problem, im avoiding, i have to do something about it quickly, then i try to stop to not act based of fear but i feel bad cause im avoiding. I cant see the reality when i feel panic or afraid, even trying to see reality becomes compulsive. What im dealing with now is that i get hit by anxiety, i accept it and i get a feeling that but theres no fear and i get hit by this toxic good feeling like i avoided a danger and i dont like it cause that feeds the fear

I am having a really hard time with what I think is a form of memory hoarding that started about 3 years ago. I have seen multiple therapists and explained my symptoms, but they are not aware of what memory hoarding is and have a hard time understanding what I am experiencing prompting them to try to address a possible underlying issue. While it may be beneficial to address the underlying issue, it is still not helping me get through the episodes of panic and severe anxiety that has thrown me into a cycle of depression. I am now taking Wellbutrin and Fluxomine, but they are only slightly helping me. I am constantly trying to remember what I am thinking about, talking about, listening to or doing and often times things will "slip my mind" (almost like a feeling of amnesia) and I cannot move forward until I either remember or convince myself that I remember. Sometimes this will take days to get out of the cycle of trying to remember and I am so stuck I cannot think about or focus on anything else. These are not important things which is the hardest thing to explain. This is causing major issues in my life, family, work, personal to the point where I could not get out of bed, had suicidal thoughts and thought I would need to quit my job. I used to be able to forget things and be able to laugh it off and think, if it was important it will come back to me, otherwise who cares! Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I have seen a lot of posts on reddit, but never spoke to anyone that has the same or similar issue.

Does suicial ocd every go away? Will I ever feel like myself again or will I have to keep actively fighting to remain “neutral” because sometimes its really hard and I get so tired and these are the scary moments, because its like you’re “giving up”. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY IM HAVING THESE THOUGHTS im dont understand! Its like whenever Im bored they come and go like “ yea life’s boring whats the point?” Likeee wtfff Can anyone relate?

I don’t even know what to think or do anymore. I just think my fears are true and I’m in denial about it. I’ve been struggling with school and motivation for awhile now. My parents and family are amazing and have been paying for my education and I keep messing up. I am super lazy and I miss lectures, and I keep always telling myself I’m going to do better and end up barely passing at the end of the semester. I know we aren’t our thoughts but we are our actions and I feel like I choose to live content with being a burden and selfish. The fact that I choose to listen to the thoughts in my head and do compulsions shows that I really don’t care about being better because if I did I would just do it. I always keep thinking at this point that the morals that I had before OCD 3 years ago are gone. I keep questioning if I am not acting on the thoughts because that is my values and who I am or if I am just not acting on them because of luck. I don’t know if I am not acting on them because of how I feel rather than how acting on them would harm others. I am just so weak, and I don’t know if I deserve to live the rest of my life. And I feel so fucking guilty for saying this but there are times where I think about all of this and it doesn’t motivate me to change at all and I just can’t stand myself for that. I just feel like a sociopath who is constantly whining and complaining and screwing up. I used to feel like I did compulsions because I cared about protecting people and now I just think my compulsions are centered around my own selfishness and anxiety. It’s like there are times where I’m not trying to prevent myself from doing something wrong or trying to make sure that I don’t have bad intentions which is so messed up with the thoughts that I have.