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An animal in my county tested positive for rabies in my county last night. I’ve been feeling so weird and all that since getting bit by a cat on the 6th I’m actually gonna end it all if I have it. I can’t do this anymore oh my god

For four years, i thought my false memory was just a false memory and I thought that I can continue with life knowing that it's okay not to know and rely on uncertainty. But what if you caught yourself ruminating and you realize that your worst fear is true? Everything starts to become clear. Has this happened to anybody? I don't think i should be alive anymore.

I’ve been suffering with pure ocd for the past 8-9 months with ups and downs, which has been impacting everything, I’ve tried my best to convince myself to identify that they’re only thoughts and don’t define me, but the fact their pure and I just have mental compulsions is so draining, I feel like I can’t take this anymore, and the doubt that comes along with it is so bad, I’ve also been on meds which haven’t helped at all, still feeling depressed and anxious all the time. Yesterday, I read how someone having was having thoughts regarding kids, I now fear that I’ll get the same which I really don’t want and now just constantly ruminating over that, im constantly just worried about my future, career and relationships as I’ve always wanted to do a lot of things in life, and the past year has been hell for me, I dunno what to do anymore? I’ve got a month till I’m seeing a private therapist, does this ever get better , I just wanna be myself again without these thoughts bothering me all the time and that feeling of having to be scared of them coming into my mind, and not having to life with the doubts. I also get thoughts of ending it all, but that’s now what I want but I feel so trapped in my own head. Please does anyone have advice, I’ve tried everything, meditation, medication, trying to convince myself it’s just my mind, but I can’t stop the worry and just accept the intrusive thoughts without feeling so distressed.

Hey guys I have officially been in NOCD for a month and the ERP is going well. However, I have been feeling a lot of hopelessness when it comes to my existence. I have also been questioning my purpose in life. I have also been scared of dying because it’s so inevitable and I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I have also been feeling a lot of guilt because I am a content creator and putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy is the hardest. Has anyone ever felt that way? Does anyone have any advice?

I feel guilty I’m feeling this way because I know people going through worse stuff than me right now so I can’t speak to them and feel so alone I feel like I’m making it up and putting on “bad mental health” and that I’m actually fine but if that’s the case why am I feeling so drained and struggling to get through the day Constantly having thoughts of s3lf harm again I don’t know what this feeling is anymore and I don’t even know what’s what I feel a mess I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head

Hello all, does anyone else understand this. I can be reading something on social media or news source and hear about a woman who killed herself and it becomes a huge trigger for me. I get so upset I try to know more info about the how and why of the story thinking omg what if I did that or became like that person. It gets my mind going whenever I come across these articles and I have to convince myself I’m ok and this isn’t my life but I get so upset and sends me spiraling.. Can anyone relate to this? How do you cope with it? I know I’m okay and wouldn’t do that but the what if aspect scares me 😢

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with OCD a month ago and it was a pretty crazy diagnosis because I went so long not understanding what I was going through. The onset of my OCD was in childhood for a brief period of time and then again when I was in college for a few months. Now as an adult it has manifested into ROCD. Because my subtype isn’t outlandish like my other theme is it doesn’t feel real and I find myself getting more stuck into the cycle. My main struggle with ROCD is the fear that I still have feelings for an ex and that I want to be with them. This theme presented itself initially in my previous relationship and pertains to the same ex. It presented itself again in my current relationship and it made me spiral bad when it first came up for me 4 months ago. It’s been particularly hard for me this past month and I have gotten to the part where I have so much su*cide ideation. I wish I could be fully present in my relationship with my partner who I genuinely have so many feelings for and am happy with. I feel so much shame for having these thoughts. What can I do?

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.

So I made some REAL terrible past mistakes, but due to OCD I ruminated about them last night and cut myself for the first time ever (I’m 20) I didn’t do it in a dangerous place like my wrist or anything and I used a razor/it was not that deep hardly any bleeding etc. But I don’t trust myself to not turn to this again in the future, cause I liked it. (I struggle with False Memories, Intrusive-Thought-Action-Fusion, Magical Thinking etc.) Advice for embarrassment/distress?

I have rocd which makes me feel like I’m not attracted to my boyfriend But now I have done something wrong and I’m trying not to self harm because of it I keep seeing this guy at the gym who I had a thing with when me and my boyfriend weren’t together and we’ve been talking loadsss when we see eachother and its very flirty I have told my boyfriend whenever this happens but haven’t told him about it yesterday because he said if it happens again he will break up with me and also he’s going through stuff so really don’t wanna make him upset I hold my hands up and know I shouldn’t keep ACTING on the thoughts because that’s when it’s bad But I just get so scared that I’m not in love with my boyfriend of nearly 4years idk what to do I see a future with him but feel like he deserves much better than me now and that I’ve ruined it and that it’s not real because I’ve been disrespectful And like when I’m with him I’m not thinking about the other guy or anything and like I’m genuinely happy with him but sometimes I get thoughts everytime I say “I love you” that’s like: “no you don’t “ or “you’re lying” “you’re not attracted to him” Don’t know what’s wrong with me just want to love my boyfriend peacefully but I’m the one ruining it like why don’t I have self control

I'm in such a dark place with SOCD or HOCD, I don't know what to do at this point. It's literally the only thing that I focus on all day and I don't even know who I am anymore. Some days I worry that I'm gay and the other days I worry that I'm asexual because I want to be with women so bad. Ever since this started I've lost pretty much all my sexual attraction to girls and now have crippling social anxiety. I used to check both gay and straight p*rn to see what I got excited by and now that I quit doing that things are so much worse. This has negatively affected pretty much every aspect of my life and it's made me suicidal. There are times when the thoughts get so bad I start to hit myself. No medication that I have tried has worked at all and I'm pretty sure they just give me side effects. I feel so lost and helpless, I can't even get therapy on this site because my insurance doesn't cover it. If anyone has any tips for me or resources that I could use that would be awesome.

I’ve never been religious, and I don’t plan to be. I’m happy with what I believe in, but sometimes I think about what would happen if I’m wrong. What if I will suffer for my sins? What if I find out god is real before it’s too late to save my soul? I’ve spent so long being suicidal but death absolutely terrifies me in a way nothing else could.

It's the middle of the night and I just had a really intense and scary attack of ocd. Not really sure what it was all about, but it was a whole flood of different themes all at once. Only thing that was clear to me is that I was full of such intense fear of myself. Afraid of losing control of my mind and ending up in a psych ward tonight, afraid of thinking of hurting myself and how it might feel good/relieving, afraid of losing control and hurting my pet, afraid of having a full blown panic attack and needing my parents, afraid of losing control and screaming, afraid of giving into the urge to lash out and throw things/throw myself around (lately I've been feeling the need to exert/stim), and afraid of how each and every one of these outcomes would affect others. I'm falling asleep now but I'm still terrified of what just happened. I've never felt anything like it before. I've now been having problems every single day for a month straight (happy anniversary lol). My therapist of four years is not an OCD therapist and I won't be seeing her for two weeks yet. I also just started seeing a psych but I won't be seeing her for over a month yet. I'm wondering if i should get in touch with a NOCD therapist asap because I swear I just keep getting worse and I'm getting more and more paranoid and terrified by the hour. I feel like my behavior has definitely changed. The problem is though I know i'm obsessed with getting help for myself because i'm THAT scared of my own mind. I think having a SECOND therapist would be a bit overkill but i'm also extremely desperate and have been considering this for about a month now. Has anyone else tried a NOCD therapist paired with their normal therapist? Anyways now i'm so scared of what i'm gonna wake up to. These intense mood swings are getting scarier and scarier.

I've been self harm free and on meds (Venlafaxine and Lamotrigine) for a few months now, I get the thoughts day to day of "you need to hurt yourself or God/ the universe is going to punish you" "if you dont punsih yourself youre going to get punished. Today my dog accidently ripped my nose ring out after I had a bad weekend were I felt like a shit friend and I feel like my nose got hurt because I'm such a shitty friend and the only way to stop all this misery is to hurt myself, so I'm punishing myself before the universe does. I don't know how to stop these thoughts because they keep getting worse and worse.

Hello this is my first time posting here sorry for the long post in advance I just have to speak on this. I am a 19 year old female, and my friend is also a 19 year old female. Last year my friend who was in rehab came to stay with me after I helped her leave because she would call me crying saying it was the worst place on the planet and asking for my help. So I asked my mom if it was alright for her to stay with us and to be completely honest I thought she would say no, however she said yes not realizing it would be such a long time. So she has been living with me since August of last year. I think I’ve started compulsively taking care of her. She has 2 traumatic brain injuries and severe PTSD and bipolar 2. Before rehab she lived with her wildly abusive parents (based solely off the things she’s said and one interaction where her mother made me let her go through my purse) and she used a shit ton of drugs and drank basically everyday. All that to say she’s basically clean besides vaping (which I hate) and weed because it is the only thing that helps her pain. But recently she’s been getting a bit worse because she went through a very bad breakup with someone she barley knew and she was told by my mom that she has till the end of this month to move out. Which I feel horrible about but my house already has 5 adults living in a three bedroom one bathroom house not built for 6 people and it’s destroying my mental wellbeing. To get to the point I’m worried caring for her has become a compulsion in the way that I feel like if I’m not constantly making sure she’s not spiraling or relapsing I’m worried someday I’m gonna wake up to one of her everyday hour long texts and it’s going to be a goodbye text. I feel immense amounts of anxiety when I speak to her even if it’s a good day. Oh and to make a quick note we are as opposite as it gets I’m an anxiety ridden introvert that hates drugs other than weed and she’s the complete opposite of that. I’ve also dropped like 2 of my only friend in part because of her not fully but slightly. I just feel so much regret when it comes to the entire situation and I feel like I permanently altered the way my brain thinks when it comes to my decisions. But I just can’t think of her living alone it brings me so much fear to think she won’t have the bodily autonomy she needs to be able to live a comfortable life. She’s tried so many times to commit suicide and they never went through and she doesn’t want to but people’s whose brains have been hurt like hers has are basically hard wired to want to die. I feel cruel for wanting her to live because I truly believe she can have a somewhat fulfilling life if she can get to that point I just can’t trust that someone will care for her the way I do but it like physically pains me. I get such bad anxiety I shake and tense up and my muscles hurt but I feel so bad even feeling like that because she feels so much worse on a daily basis. Like I can’t say anything without her reminding me how much pain she’s in and she does it because it’s the only way she knows how to relate to the world. I’m worried about what life will be like when she’s not here. I feel like I’ll never have a day of peace if I don’t know she’s alive. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here I just needed to voice this because if there is anybody who possibly understands I need to know.

I saw a video where a kid was trick or treating and the dude filming opened the door and pulled out a knife on him and said “get away from here. quick.” and it was in response to a trend asking users to quote the tweet with the funniest videos that live in their head rent free. I laughed and thought it was funny because it was so random, but then I saw the comments like “that was so disturbing, what’s wrong with everyone who’s laughing at this?” and I totally agree. I feel horrible for laughing. It was just so random and it was posted in the context of being something funny. I wouldn’t ever condone doing that in real life, but with the internet it feels like a barrier and honestly I’m so desensitized to seeing stuff like that. I want to completely get off the internet because in reality that WAS disturbing and completely fvckd up and I wouldn’t be laughing if someone did that to my niece. I feel horrible. Am I horrible person? I don’t even want to think about it anymore. I deadass just don’t want to be here tbh and I don’t think anybody cares if I am here anyways so ✌🏽

Feeling super tired and depressed. I keep waking up before I actually need to with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Now I’m absolutely exhausted, feeling depressed and just want to nap. Does anyone have any tips for not waking up earlier than they have too and not having suicide ocd the second they get up

Since conquering OCD my life has been so much fuller. We are four months into 2024 and this is the first year i’ve gone this long without being suicidal. I love my life and I don’t continuously wish I was someone else.

God I wanna ask my (15f) sister if I’ve ever hurt her -so badly. I wanna know if I’ve ever m worded her… she still likes me though- is around me, likes my attention when we are alone and is not troubled by my presence at all. Sometimes she squabbles with me, says hurtful things but she’s a teenager first and foremost. (Also likely bullied :( which is my non ocd fear.) She’s my sister, I love her more than anything and she doesn’t even know it. I’d move mountains for her if I had to and when I found out she was being bullied I wanted to personally put the fear of god into those pathetic wimps. She was born so I wouldn’t grow up alone if anything happened to our parents. She was the best gift and if I ever hurt her that way I would unalive myself The reason this thought came up was that I had a memory where me and her were playing as kids. We hid under the covers (idk why or the context) and she said “like sex?” And I panicked, got out from under the covers so quickly and said “what?! No- no nothing like that.” Or something along those lines. (I was molested as a kid by my cousin so I knew what sex was way too early- I think I was mostly disturbed by her knowing too.) My ocd is trying to find meaning- to find some part of this memory to twist. I can feel it bubbling in the back of my head sometimes. Conjuring up stuff. I know asked for reassurance from her is the worst thing I could do. Not only cause it’ll worsen symptoms if just ocd- but also it could possibly traumatize my sister cause she doesn’t know I have ocd and wouldn’t understand intrusive thoughts. :( Sometimes I just wish she also had ocd that she didn’t tell me about and we could both just ride it out as a pair again. Instead of being separated by my mental illness.

This might be really disturbing but it can help you understand ocd. 2 years ago i didnt had the help for ocd that i have now, i just was in a discord server where people teached you to "accept everything and live your life" which in some way is good, but its just a tiny little part of ocd 4 recovery and every mental illness revovery, just based on that you cant recover, ocd is much more deeper. So back then i just had this advice, to accept every thoughts cause they are just thoughts... again this is not enough for ocd recovery. So i felt worse and that time harm ocd got really bad. Usually i had suicidal ocd but in that time i had harm against others, like killing my family. And this going to be so discusting, both for you and me but it might be a good exposure to me, i remember one night i was writing to someone what i was going through, and i wrote to her that im actually feeling that i want to hirt my mom. And i remember i felt like im going insane and i want to hurt my mom, i had random thoughts that said this will feel good, i will enjoy it. And lot of people doesnt know this but ocd can be this agressive, its not just "what if" thoughts. But because of movies we think that if you have thoughts like this, expecially telling you want to do, it means youre going insane, youre schizophrenic, you have demons and youre probably going to do it. These things were in my mind so i was just really sick of myself. I wrote this to that person and i really told her what i was feeling, that i feel like i want to do it and i would enjoy it. She told me to go to the hospital(cause i worded it really badly). I felt soo bad, i didnt wanted to go to the hospital but i felt shame that i dont want to accept that i have a problem. I still didnt went to the hospital and now im actually happy about it cause 2 thing couldve happened there, 1 they take it seriously and deal with me as a sick person who wants to kill his family, which wouldve ruin my revovery, give me more doubt and self hate and give me trauma, or the 2nd thing, they realize its just ocd but the whole situation makes me feel shame. So i didnt went but i was so tired and sick of myself that inside i accepted that i have to get locked in a mental asylum, cause im dangerous...So my point is that ocd can be this agressive. It can manipulate you to feel anything and if you dont have the right tools, you will fall for it. If you dont have people who understand ocd, please find a therapist, you dont have to suffer with this alone. I hope i could help to some with this horrible story😅 Now its time for me to sit with the discomfort that i shared this and the memoried came back😂