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How do I know I’m not suicidal? Like high key freaking out?!! I’m so scared of myself and I completely let the emotion take over. My therapist said u can’t just become suicidal but how do I know I’m not? How do I know I won’t be?

I’ve been feeling really really depressed the past few days due to health concerns. I’ve been really feeling down like not wanting to be here anymore and it’s scaring me. I was in the doctor’s office this morning and I got a scary thought that said maybe I should just k*ll someone in here instead of k*lling myself. Then the thoughts continued… this man walked past and I thought “hurt him” I obviously wouldn’t want to hurt anyone let alone a bug on the sidewalk, but the thoughts began to overtake me and I had a panic attack. It’s still bothering me and I’m still scared it’s real and that I’m going crazy. This happens to me a lot after I watch a documentary about someone who hurt someone else. I begin to think I am somehow going to go crazy like the person in the documentary and hurt someone. Although I don’t want to .. I would never ever want to hurt anyone.

This is extremely hard for me to say I have danced around it in previous posts but I simply cant hold it in anymore. The guilt that I feel for thinking these thoughts is immesurable and is driving me to want to hurt myself. I'm gonna start from the very beginning it all started when I was put on Fluvoxamine back then I had the bad habit of looking every medication that I was on up and with that I found out that a student with another student had brought a weapon to school and hurt many people with it. (I can't even write the word but I'm sure you know what the thing was) The intrusive thoughts didn't start then for some reason but later when at my school we had a threat of someone who was wanting to do the same thing. But then one morning I got the thought of what if I do that. And then it got worse I would get the thought every day. And then summer came by and I thought I would be fine but it came back when I went to school again this year it got so bad that I had to drop out of school. But for some reason I am still getting the intrusive thoughts and they are even more horrible now with images of me doing it, I get horrible urges, and my mind tells me that I want to do something this terrible. I want people to understand when I say this I don't want to do anything to hurt anyone and never have. I have 0 history of violence to anyone and have been in several situations like that where there was a threat and have felt the fear that comes along with that. I don't understand why these thoughts are there. I feel like I need to put myself into a mental hospital. I never want to hurt anyone and never will.

how do i snap my self out of a suicidal ocd episode? it’s constant thoughrs i feel scared and hopeless. i just want to be better, any suggestions help

I really don’t know what to do- I’ve been making it so much worse with compulsions, watching death anxiety videos or videos about why I shouldn’t be scared over and over, and getting on the same Reddit forums about death anxiety over and over all day. I’ve never felt this bad in my life and nothing feels real, I feel trapped in my own life and can’t see the way out of this theme, I’m feeling so depressed and I can’t care about anything. The rumination is awful and now I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my own corpse and everyone I know. It feels like my life has been reduced to a single line, like a timeline and I’m slowly moving across the timeline. I contacted the suicide hotline the other day but it didn’t really help, I don’t want to die and I don’t want to kill myself but life feels like it will never be the same and like I’m living in a nightmare.

Hi guys! I have had a really rough couple of days. I got really triggered and it has stuck around for a few more days than usual now. I have this overwhelming feeling of giving up and i even feel relief from it at times which is scary, but it goes COMPLETELY against my value system and i dont think i would ever end my life because it means way too much to me. my compulsions have been trying to convince myself of reasons why life is beautiful but i have been so overwhelmed by thoughts that i cant do this. i really dont want to die!! so why is my brain filling with these thoughts to just give up? Anything helps <3 I have therapy tomorrow thank GOODNESS

I don’t expect anyone to give me any reassurance that I’m a good person, because I doubt it heavily now. I don’t want to fight anymore, I can’t do it. I’m a bad person. I can’t see the light anymore I don’t think I can get better from this anymore, I think I’m gonna give up, I’m actually gonna give up, this is actually really bad that I did this, this is my proof I’m a bad person, I thought about it so I just can’t. basically I saw a a picture of 12 year old boy, and I kept testing how I felt, now I don’t know why I did this cause I know it’s wrong, meaning not good, but basically my brain was like “do you think he’s handsome” and I said “maybe I don’t know, I don’t think he’s handsome. He might be” and oh my god I can’t believe I said something like this, I know some will say “oh it might be intrusive” but I can’t anymore. I feel like I’m done. I don’t even know what kind of handsome I meant, all I know is that I was NOT trying to be disgusting in any shape or form but I can’t stand it, I can’t do this anymore

So I was playing roblox at my big age im 24. I got into sort of an arugment with a player bc she was making comments about peoples outfits and saying they were basic. So i commented on their outfit and called it basic. She told me to get a life. Then the arguing got worse she got a friend in on it with her. They started calling me crusty bc my username is crispy. I really tried not to engage bc I know a lot of children play on roblox. I just don’t like bullying or people being mean. Then I got last place and the player was like everyone is a queen here except crusty. I wanted to stand up for myself and said yall are just bullies. Now im worried that everyone in the server thought I called them bullies and are going to kill themselves. I was only referring to the two girls. I let them get the best of me I shouldn’t have responded like that because it was funny the back and forth. I acted immaturely but I think my justice complex kicked in. Now Im scared they killed themselves and I will never know.

I don't know how to heal, I don't know what's real and what's fake, im so scared of my past, I cannot look forward to the future, I want to forget it all, I wish I was born different, I wish I wasn't me, why am I like this, why do I think like this. How can I stop this. It's impossibly to stop this, ill never stop this, I don't care if I can "learn to live with it" or "manage my anxiety" I just want it to stop existing period. I dont want any of this, I shouldn't have to manage anything. I just want to be free from this life and from my past.

Does anyone else have the strong urge to do some sort of drugs sometimes when there ocd gets really bad or over nothing in general, like I’ll just be sitting doing nothing and my brain goes “you need to do cocaine right now or else” and I get a urge and it’s so like odd to me??? I’ve never done drugs in my life and never plan to because my father was a addict and I’ve seen what they’ve done to people so it scares me when I get these thoughts and then I get the urge to reach out to someone who can give me drugs and I play this whole scenario in my mind where I contact someone and I meet up with them and pay them for the drugs and then I take them and die and it’s like??? Idk I’ve had weird intrusive thoughts involving drugs before but this is like different if that makes sense, I also can’t stop focusing on how my body feels when this happens like it’ll feel like I was a previous addict and that I’m going through withdrawal and need something or else and it’s just so weird to me. Anyone else go through this?

I’m scared so bad rn I feel like I might commit . There was a trans girl on TikTok and I thought she was attractive and I’m scared because she’s trans. Is that gay I don’t wanna be gay and now I’m freaking out. It was a guy transitioned into a girl and they don’t look like a guy at all.

How can I tell the difference between suicidal ocd and suicidal thoughts?

Recently I’ve been having scary intrusive thoughts about hurting myself or others. I’m so scared, what do I do?? I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

This theme always hits me the worst. It causes the most anxiety and panic. And when i’m finally doing good again it all spirals back. my panic attacks are unreal again. sometimes i get so bad my Xanax won’t even stop the anxiety. These thoughts scare the living shit out of me and cause me to have terrible depression. Recently they have been back. What if this what if that, and sometimes they aren’t even what ifs, it’s more like a demand and they terrifies me. I’ve once again gave into my compulsions and put anything and everything that cause me anxiety into my kitchen so i can feel safe. This theme scares me because it makes me feel like i want to do it or i am going to do it when i don’t. These thoughts consume me. They even say “well do you wanna live like this what if it is the easier way out”. I don’t want to hurt myself and i’m truly a happy person i’m just not understanding these thoughts and why they cause me this much pain. I’m tired if the constant panic attacks and freaking out because of it. My mind goes “what if you have ideation and not OCD”when i clearly have been diagnosed with it. I just need tips and advice i don’t want to live like this forever i’m only 17.

I honestly don't know how to fix myself. All these terrible feelings and overwhelming thoughts constant is exhausting im so tired of it all I really just want it all to end any means nessecary. And yesterday I actually made that decision and then I overthinked it, not to not do it. But what I wanted people to know or feel. And I had to tell them before I go. So I tired with my girlfriend, I guess I was not subtle at all probably because I was honestly at the really emotional stage of my brain cycle at that point and so we both were breaking down and she was panicking and I felt bad I was doing that to her but I didn't wanna lie and reassure her but she wouldn't calm down and kept saying how much it'd hurt her and that she'd do it to. Eventually I realized I have to stay alive for her for now at least (till she dumps me) but deciding that doesn't make the thought stop. So if anyone knows how to do that I'd appreciate it. I can't keep dealing with this cycle of feelings of numbness then overwhelming emotions and derelization, and depersonalization, the thought of how I really want it all to end, is there constantly. But I made a promise and I'm trying to keep it.

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

The theme i struggle with most is suicidal OCD. And with September being “national suicide awareness month”, My anxiety is sky high. i’m back in my spiral. I’m back with the panic attacks. My mind keeps comparing itself to all of these people and now i’m convinced i want too or i have these symptoms and im next. i’m freaking myself out and idk what to do. I get scared i have suicidal ideation when i know i don’t because i would never ever actually kms nor hurt myself in anyway. Does anyone know how to comercome this??? I just got out of my spiral not even 1 months ago and im scared im going deeper this time. My mind is all over the place scared im actually going to do it when i know im not and i feel like i have to go to the hospital or something idk what to do.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and then i rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either. and then someone on her told me if it was sexual intentions then it was sa, but i hardly remember the situation so i don't fully know. i can't live like this.