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Literally now when I think of my past crushes, my head like "yeah, but it was fake or you forced it"

As a child I struggled a lot with repetitive thoughts, and feeling like I had to do certain things to prevent bad things from happening. For example, I would get up a million times in the middle of the night to check if the sink was off, or make sure I if I looked one way I had to look the other way the same amount of times. I still struggle with similar thoughts, but now I deal with a voice inside my head constantly bringing up repetitive thoughts, and a lot of anxiety. Can anyone relate? I just started Zoloft because I think all of this indicates that I have OCD, but I am looking for some clarity. Will Zoloft even help? Please comment if you have any advice.

I talked to my therapist abt Harm OCD thoughts but I don’t think she completely understands OCD and thought I enjoyed my thoughts. I tried to clarify but I’m scared she’s going to call someone and think I’m a bad person

So can someone clear this up for me? So basically my harm thoughts around about smothering someone with a pillow and it got to the point where I deliberately imagined smothering someone with a pillow and in that moment I got bad anxiety but the thought was so vivid like it felt like I knew what it felt like to do that and that when I imagined it I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ I don’t know how I came to feeling like that but now I’m just believing all the time that I like the feeling of squashing someone with a pillow and stopping them from breathing and it feels so real. So today I was alone with my brother and I hadn’t really had any intrusive thoughts today I’ve been ignoring it and I made myself some food and I came to sit down (my bro was playing his guitar) and I went to sit down at the table and I thought nah I’m not comfortable so I went to sit on my couch and I noticed there was a pillow in front of me and then the unease starts kicking in, suddenly My mind is trying to imagine those thoughts about my brother and I haven’t let them come but it feels like I really want to think about it and I don’t know why, I keep thinking that if I imagine it, it’s going to again feel like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ and I don’t know if the reason I’m trying to have the thoughts is because I’m trying to test myself or if I’m actually bad and like imagining doing that since when I do imagine it I get this mild anxious feeling and it feels like I have to think about or that I like the feeling of doing that and I don’t know what to do, ik worried what if I’m frustrated and the reason why when I imagine it it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ is because it gives me a relief doing that because it felt like an urge for so long and now I actually want to and like doing that? It’s really scary I don’t even know what to make of myself anymore, the thoughts are desperate to come in like my mind wants to imagine that, but i don’t know if it’s trying to test myself because I got uneasy as soon as I saw the pillow, but it really feels like I like the feeling of doing that and I want to and im worried I wish this would go

Just constantly thinking that as long as I think about those thought I will get that feeling of ‘liking the feeling of doing that horrible thing’ and will want to or act on it. So it feels like the thing protecting me from being evil is me not thinking about the thoughts so now I’m constantly living on edge in case I do dwell on the thoughts and I seem to think that if I were to be alone I would suddenly be bad or my head imagined these situations where I would be bad, like recently I made a friend abroad and I was imagining meeting them and then my head just wonders off into thinking oh and then you were alone somewhere and you acted on the thought and killed a cat and it’s like then I start feeling like I’m actually bad and can’t be trusted and can’t be alone because it feels so real like the other day I had a suffocation thought about my cat when I was alone and I got that same feeling of ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ and it felt like it was actually about to happen and that I wanted to because I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ and I just don’t know what to do with myself I do know that the only time I feel happy is when I’m not having these thoughts like when I forget about them and stop ruminanti g I feel so much happier but as soon as they come I’m convinced I liked the feeling of imaging doing that and want to but it’s still a stressful experience but I don’t even know it because it’s so deceiving I’m pretty sure it’s the anxiety that is making me feeling like I like the feeling of doing that or want to and it’s just awful because even when I forget about it my mind wants to think about it because I’ve been believing it and keep wondering if it’s true

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

I was diagnosed w ocd as a child but want to know if this in specific sounds like ocd bc this is what causes me the most distress. TW—intrusive thoughts, talk about graphic thoughts I can’t go a single day without imagining my baby dead or imagining his funeral or holding his little dead body or imagining his tombstone. It makes me so sad. Every single day I live with a weight on my chest thinking about what will I do if he dies. I can’t stand waking up and seeing my beautiful baby and wondering if todays going to be the day I get a bad phone call. I have a knot in my stomach every day thinking about how I would plan his funeral or how I’ll continue carrying on if he dies. I am already on antidepressants, and I’ve been on and off of them in the past but nothing has helped before so I kinda figured it wouldn’t help now and it’s not. Some days are worse than others but it is an every day occurance. I don’t know what to do anymore. It makes my life a living hell. I just want to enjoy my baby, not envision them dead every day. I am starting to not enjoy my life anymore. I want to try different medicine but idk if any of it will help. I am so, so sick of this. I’ve lived with intrusive thoughts and fears my whole life but none of them compare to the thought of losing my child. I lay in the bath or bed and just cry and cry and cry and cry imagining my baby dead and imagining never getting to see them again, their smile their laugh and wondering how I’ll survive if they die. It makes me question why I even had a baby to begin with and makes me feel like life isn’t even worth it. I don’t necessarily have physical compulsions that I know of, just this constant thought and thinking about him dying and his funeral and how nad I will miss him. If he smiles at me I see him dead. If he does something cute I wonder if todays going to be the day he dies. Nothing good can ever happen without me getting thoughts of him dying. I just want this hell to end. I am grieving my son before he’s even gone. My husband says he never thinks about him dying because he hasn’t happened so there’s no point in worrying. But it’s almost like I need to know, like I am trying to prepare. I have done this thought process since I was a young kid and it went from my parents to my husband and now to my son. Constantly wondering if he’s going to die and how I’ll survive if he does and constantly thinking about his funeral or ways he could die makes me hate my life.

This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.

Hello my name is Hanna and this is my first post on this app. My friends, family , and boyfriend know I struggle with OCD. They are supportive and try to help me in anyway they can, but they don't understand it like an OCD suffer would. I am making this post to help anyone who is dealing with the same thing or someone who can help me. I have been having cheating OCD where I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend. For example; The OCD intrusive thought that has been on my mind for the past week is that i kissed someone. I went to the bar with my friends, but i didn't drink because I knew it would make my OCD worse. Anyway my friend and I were outside and asking people if they had a lighter for a cigarette. This guy was walking into the bar and started talking to us in a friendly way. I found him attractive ( which probably triggered my OCD). But then my friend and I went back inside of the bar to find our others friends to leave. I was holding my friends hand and walking through the bar crowd to leave when I made eye contact with the guy from outside. My OCD immediately made me think I kissed the guy. I love my boyfriend and I would never do that, but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Then this turns into false memory and I keep trying to replay the night in my head. It makes me feel like I kissed him even though I know I didn't. It is causing me extreme guilt, and I even feel guilty talking to my boyfriend. Every-time I try to tell myself it's just OCD my brain makes me think i'm blaming this on OCD and I actually did it. I even had my friend retell the events of that night, and she told some of the events out of order and I knew the correct order of the events. How can I know what events happened, but I can't trust myself. Anytime I try and forget this and get over it my brain will not let me. I need help. It's so frustrating and debilitating that I can't even trust myself.

Does anybody feel like they have to try and force their real sexuality? I am straight but my so-ocd makes me believe I am bi or lesbian. For a few days I keep forcing the fact I'm straight and forcing my feelings to other people to make them believe I am straight and not bi or lesbian. I have a big worry at the moment about people thinking I am bi or lesbian as I feel if they believe I am then that means I am and I also don't want to live and have people think of me differently then I am. I think this has come from telling my parents my worries and about my ocd. Is this normal? Has anyone else with so-ocd felt like this? And done this? I hope someone can help

Hi, I’m hoping someone can help me please. Does anyone have any resources for loved ones to help them understand OCD and how to help (not reassure). My parents are struggling to understand what I’m dealing with, and I don’t really know how to explain to them. They also don’t understand why giving reassurance would be unhelpful for recovery.

So last night I had a dream that had a harm thought in it about hurting my cat and I had a reaction. Like you know how people sleep walk well I woke up to me swinging my arm over trying to grab her. I woke up and was like :0 and then went back to bed not really caring just was like that is an interesting thought. When I sung my arm over though she was walking past me. Now I’m convinced I was trying to act out my thought and I wanted it and that makes me so horrible. Has anyone had this?!?

Does lust take a strange form for you since Ur a OCD sufferer? Like, any normal person would not look and that would be just fine for them but for me it's like, my mind is so focused on that or trying to get me to believe I lusted or something. I'm not even looking at it but it's just in my view, my focus isn't onto the lustful thing but again, it's still in my view. I don't think about it in my mind, I do get that strange sexual feeling that I recon most OCD sufferers get when dealing with these kinds of things, like, Ur feelings are set off by Ur mind and it only kinda makes you feel even more like it's true. I don't know what to do, I know something is off, if this was lust and it was the same for every Christian then fr, we should gauge an eye out....I don't get it. I've been dealing with this for a long time and I tough it was just me having a lust problem that would just, after some time of fighting with it, dissaper, but it's not like that, I can't do school, watch movies do anything, it used to be triggered even when a family member would pass by me.

Hi I have tired erp therapy not for long enough tho helped to a certain extent but has anyone tried any medications that actually work ? I have never tried any and just want to see if anyone’s notice good amount of difference with their ocd /rocd once taking medication ?

Hi, so I have never been diagnosed with ocd but it runs in my family. I hadn’t really struggled with intrusive thoughts as much until recently. (TW: discussion of triggering content) So on Xmas day, i was watching random YouTube videos and came across a true crime one and they had gone over his case and how he did bad things to kids and regarding kids (SA). They mentioned a website where the criminal had gotten certain content abt children and it triggered me for some reason. I’ve heard these kinds of things before and I’ve watched other crime videos and stuff but for some reason my little adhd brain attached to the website name and my brain went that’s an easy find. And then from there it spiraled and I started wondering why I cared if that stuff was there and that I must be awful bc obviously I want to see it but I didn’t and don’t. But my brain convinced me I did. And then when i went to work the next day (i work at a daycare) i found out that some random person had sent that kind of stuff to our work computer and someone described it to me and i couldn’t get the images out of my head. I started seeing these things around my kids and then my brain started to mess with me even more and I freaked out and then my brain supplied images of me doing stuff and i freaked out more and made myself sick and felt awful the rest of my shift. I would never hurt my kids and I have never had these thoughts before. But my brain latched onto these thoughts and it sucked and it tried to convince me that I’ve always wanted this stuff but i haven’t. I went home and continued to freak out internally. I never went onto that website but I did go to regular adult ones I knew and typed in words to report anything I saw and to make sure I’d never see anything but I found nothing. I felt like I had to type these things or id explode. And then I felt disgusting for needing to in the first place. And then recently I checked myself to see if I would react to any of those thoughts in /that/ way and I feel gross for checking and stuff. Im so scared. My whole career goals and life goals revolve around kids and helping them and now I have these awful images and intrusive thoughts. And I’m afraid of myself. I can’t eat or sleep that well, im always anxious, i can’t live anymore and I’m scared. I did research and found out about pocd and how ocd can do this to people after triggering situations and such. And then I found this app and it has shown me so much. Honestly Im afraid of what people will think of me, even on here. I just want everything to go away and to go back to being happy and somewhat care-free, at least in this aspect. If any of y’all have advice I’d love it. I promise im not seeking reassurance as I read abt the detriments of that too, i just don’t want to feel alone. Sorry for the long post, I hope you all are doing well.

My psychiatrist just called my intrusive thoughts ‘fantasies’…

My younger brother (21) is intensely germaphobic (hand washing, wearing gloves to touch anything, making as little bodily contact as possible with surfaces), and it’s affecting his sleep and daily life as a whole. I need advice as the older brother (27) on how to help him through this. Please.

I have been feeling like I can’t breathe since the middle of the day because my brain started saying I don’t know my authentic self and if I don’t know my authentic self then maybe I’m gay. I come from a religious home and don’t know anyone else who experience this and that’s why my brain keeps saying maybe it’s not ocd

I have struggled for two years and the whole time I thought i was insane and no one else could ever understand but recently i was told how common this is can someone please tell me some of the things you do because of ocd to help me hopefully not feel as insane I’m just tired of feeling alone in this.

Sometimes I look at myself and find it hard to feel beautiful, my whole life I have been tall and over weight and it has made me feel very manly in a sense, or maybe that’s just because of my ocd. But looking at myself in the mirror with certain clothes trigger me. This year I really need to work on my health and overall just loving myself. I hope you guys have an amazing year and keep going on a great recovery path.