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I keep questioning if i like my partner and daugther? And if i like anything i used to love… its like i can’t feel joy when im being with the ones i love anymore??? Is this normal ocd??

Sometimes I think back to the absolute lowest point of my ROCD/ocd and the depression it caused and I get so scared. I remember just feeling nothing but pain, constant pain. I couldn’t get out of it no matter how hard I tried. I was so desperate for relief that I thought I had to leave my boyfriend and that caused me such an incredible about of pain and depression. It was the worst absolute feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. The fact that ocd caused such a depression scares me. I’m medicated and I did and do ERP. I am much better from where I used to be a year ago. But sometimes when I think about that girl crying uncontrollably texting with her boyfriend as he said he just wanted her happy, feeling a slight relief at the thought that maybe the pain would be over if we did break up, confusion and fear because he was the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to break up, then more confusion because why was I feeling that way out of nowhere after years of being together? Sometimes I just think about those moments where I was so downhearted and destroyed by the thoughts and the constant rumination. Not sure how I survived. I get SO AFRAID I’ll go back to that terrible terrible indescribable feeling. It’s coming up on a year since I seeked out treatment. Since I began therapy. Since it felt like my brain broke. My love for boyfriend was the breaking point in getting help. Before ROCD and ocd took full control of my head I always felt like I was strong enough to get myself through things on my own, like I didn’t need medication or therapy. Oh but man was I wrong. The ocd and depression last summer was the most terrifying moments. My head was against me. But I held on. I swear I have ptsd from it. Ptsd from the depression and the intense dissociation. Sometimes I get so afraid I’ll go back to that place of darkness. After a year of fighting my way out of it and choosing my relationship over my intense fears and unexplainable anxiety. I’ve come very far but I still feel like I have much further to go, as last summer is still so FRESH in my head. I still have hard days but no where near as hard as last summer. I’d have to say I have a new found respect for my relationship and myself due to how hard I fought my ocd to keep it. I held on through the worst unexplainable depression of my life. Even now as I write this out and write that I love my boyfriend more then he’ll know, my ocd is in the back of my head doubting me. But that’s what I have to remind myself of, the ocd is just background music and I have the power to accept that it is there and tune it out. The ocd does not define me. The fears do not control me. I choose to love despite the ocd. I can feel the fear and do it anyway. Although I am scared, although I still get anxious, I am proud of myself for how far I’ve come since that girl last year. It’s a slippery slope and I’m so afraid of going back there, but I did make it through.

When I was growing up in my early twenties and involved in drugs and a criminal lifestyle, I ended up in prison for something I didn't do. The first nights in jail made me reflect on my family and the mistakes I had made, feeling disappointed and ashamed. I found solace in a newspaper which I used for sexual gratification, and after three nights, I was transferred to a detention center where I spent a month. Feeling disappointed and overthinking, I started to regain sobriety and realize the gravity of my actions. Anxiety started to consume me, and I continued the sexual behavior as a coping mechanism. Everything felt new to me; I had never been away from my family for such a long time. I overthought and felt uncertain about my future. A few days into detention, around one week in, an intrusive thought about my mother entered my mind. It was a sexual thought/image, saying that I desired to have sex with my mother. I couldn't comprehend where this thought came from and became frightened, desperately wanting to get rid of it. I overthought and engaged in mental rituals, pretending as if the thought didn't exist, but it persisted and plagued my mind. This led to more intrusive thoughts. This is when HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) began, and I started having homosexual thoughts and images. Incestuous thoughts emerged, and even pedophilic thoughts. I couldn't understand these thoughts because I had never had them before, but I tried to minimize and suppress them as if they didn't exist. However, they were constantly present, causing more insecurity and confusion. I started saying "I love my mother" and similar phrases to reassure myself that I hadn't become a terrible, evil person. I also believed that once I got out of prison, all of this would vanish. It was just the result of the prison environment and wouldn't carry over to the outside world. I was wrong because as soon as I was released from prison, the thoughts remained. This made me even more anxious and distressed. I genuinely believed that this was shameful and it affected me tremendously. I lived with shame and guilt. The thoughts multiplied and became more shameful and immoral. It began to revolve around pedophilic thoughts, homosexual thoughts, and incestuous thoughts, all of which I strongly opposed. I thought that I had become evil and burdened, and that I needed to live with this burden and endure it. My anxiety became increasingly extreme, leading to moments of isolation. I avoided certain social situations, and even when I was social, the feeling of shame was almost always there. I didn't even consider talking about this for two years. How would people understand these thoughts? What would people think of me? I began to think that I was a terrible person. How could I truly be a Muslim and have these thoughts? Where is my dignity and honor? What kind of man have I become? I cried and prayed to Allah, seeking refuge in Him. I started performing my prayers, believing that Allah was my only hope, as I had no one else to turn to. During these years, there were only a few days where I experienced immense and positive energy, usually in the evenings. I became super active and social and wanted to utilize it by interacting with girls, among other things. During this time, I met some girls, and on the days when I was extremely anxious, I ended up at Thai massage parlors where I sought sexual release. It provided temporary relief, as it confirmed that I wasn't homosexual. However, the thoughts and uncertainty returned immediately afterward, sometimes even during the act itself. I wanted to find a solution to this problem but didn't know where to turn. I tried to improve my daily life and live in a healthier and more favorable way, but it was challenging for me as anxiety took the better part of me. I took action and reflected on how I felt shame and anxiety. Deep down, I always knew that this wasn't me. This was something that had recently emerged, so how could it define me? There was a strength within me that fought against these thoughts every day, knowing that it would eventually pass, even though the feeling of hope wasn't always present when the thoughts and anxiety attacked. I began to understand that my last hope in this situation lay with my imams (religious leaders). I received a revelation from Allah, and I knew that I would soon travel to Iraq. I wasn't extremely excited since I would be traveling with these thoughts, but I had hope that I would return healed. After my pilgrimage, a few months later, I found an OCD program that I purchased. I listened to it, and the speaker explained all my symptoms, and I could relate to the entire program. It was such a relief to understand that this was a psychological illness and not something that defined who I truly am. Knowing that others suffer from this was the best feeling. Since then, I have decided to recover and become completely free from it. I have stuck to my daily exposure exercises, and recently, I have started meditating for about a week or two. Since my recovery journey began, I have been feeling much better, although some days can still be tough. However, I now know how to counter the thoughts and emotions. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know that I'm on the right path. This experience has influenced my life by driving me to seek more knowledge about my religion and faith. I'm trying to get closer to God through knowledge because I know that the closer I get to God, the healthier I become. I have been regularly exercising and haven't given up on it since I don't want to risk feeling even worse. Recently, during my recovery journey, I haven't been meeting girls because I don't feel the same need for it right now. I haven't been intimate with any girls, but I have been meeting them, although not as frequently. I still have some uncertainty about whether I still like girls and desire men. This has resulted in a reduced sense of attraction and desire for the opposite sex. Furthermore, during my exposure exercises, I have experienced erections several times, which has caused extreme anxiety and unease. I have become insecure and sought answers. I understood that it was part of HOCD, and it reassured me. However, I still experience uncertainties about it and whether my HOCD is trying to figure out its true meaning regularly. Nevertheless, I now know how to counter these thoughts through acceptance and ignoring them, letting them exist without giving them power. Now, 2 months into my rehab, I feel like I've come a long way from where I was, and I almost feel completely healed. By that, I don't mean that thoughts and feelings never arise anymore, but rather that I know how to control myself and how little power they have now. It's almost as if they don't exist at all. I want to conclude on a positive note by saying that if I could overcome this, so can you. I lived for 2 years without even understanding what it was, and yet here I am today, feeling a hundred times better. Keep fighting, soldiers!

I’m having a horrible time today with my OCD. I worked a 7 hour shift in which the checkout line was consistent. There was many children in the line as well as all type of people, ranging from clean to smelly to outright dirty. All day I’ve been feeling as if there are piojos (lice) in my hair and even imagined the feeling of them falling onto my neck. I know I do not have them, but I have been picking at my scalp until it bleeds for the past hour because I feel as if there are piojos in my hair or bugs under my scalp. I keep having thoughts to take a knife and dig into my scalp to create an opening to pull the bugs out even tho I know there isn’t any and that I would only be harming myself. How do I combat my bug-related OCD??? And what is a healthy alternative for skin picking when I feel as if I have bugs under my skin??

I have a ocd obsession that I know no one else has and it’s seriously terrifying. The “you’re not alone” is a bunch of bs and I know that now Bc of this. Anyone else have one that not many others have?😭

Hey guys - So I just had a pretty significant setback in my OCD journey, and in the attempt to make light of it I’m going to share what I learned, in the hopes that it will help some of you. OCD is theorized to have something to do with a serotonin deficiency in the brain. So, naturally, I started doing a few different things to help with that naturally. I’d say the biggest thing that impacted my OCD spiral was stopping my gratitude journal practice. This has the BIGGEST effect on my journey. Being able to take stock of the things that were going well allowed me to break out of the endless loop that is OCD. If you think about OCD in terms of an endless, cyclical train track of anxiety and fear, well the best thing to do is to get off of that train track by CREATING another one - one of gratitude, love, and peace. What helped me was making a list every day of all of the good things in my life, and really feeling the implications of my blessings, believing that I was worthy of those things. The OCD will always be there, wanting to grab you, at least right now. It’s worth shifting your focus to something else. Maintaining healthy attachment - This is very important to OCD recovery. As Michael Greenberg talks about in his articles, oftentimes obsessions are a result of a person not being able to express a healthy and natural feeling, one that their psyche has deemed unsafe. For example, worrying you might want to harm a loved one might be indicative of an underlying anger you have towards them, a healthy anger that we may feel even towards those we love - but for some reason, you’re not letting yourself feel that anger because maybe you were shamed for expressing emotions like that as a child. I’ll attach the article here - it’s so good. He’s got all of these worksheets on there too that really help you find your core fear. Anyways, I know this sounds crazy right? Why would attachment have anything to do with my OCD? Healthy attachment to others allows us to express emotions in a safe way - and not having that can cause things to become repressed, or our brains to try and distract us from them, with an anxiety spiral. Making sure you are setting boundaries, expressing your needs, crying when you need to, expressing your need for love when you can - are all ways to reinforce YOU. Not the obsessional, OCD part of you - but the beautiful person underneath all of that with needs and desires and a need for connection. Look at your life - How much love are you experiencing on a daily basis? Love is crucial for the chemical of serotonin in our brains - and feeling connected to people actually increases those chemicals in your brain - which you need, especially with OCD. How many heartfelt conversations have you had recently? Is there a way you could have one? Is there someone you could ask for a hug right now, or an animal you can pet? Are you making yourself feel loved? Are you around people that make you anxious, because you can tell they are repressing their emotions and you feel like you need to take care of their emotions? Are you able to be honest and truthful about your feelings and needs? Meditation is also a really good one - it’s going to help mentally train you to watch thoughts go by, and be able to direct your attention to what YOU want to. I’m going to attach all of the articles that have helped me from Michael Greenberg - especially the ones on rumination. Think about what ruminating does to your brain - constantly going in that cycle of anxiety and trying to figure something out - in the past or future - think about what that would do to your brain chemistry. Our ruminations are not often ones of how much we are loved or how grateful we are - they are a fear loop, over and over again. No wonder your brain is devoid of serotonin! Now it’s just about rebalancing that - and to conclude, here’s a list to help: Increase the presence of love in your life, as possible Daily gratitude practice to start rewiring your brain to focus on that instead Reduce rumination and eliminate it as possible Work on your attachment style - Personal Development School has great videos on this, read the book “Attached”. Here are the articles: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/articles/ There’s some great articles about rumination, the psychodynamics underlying your OCD - I’d recommend reading all of those he has listed. Hope this helps at all! Stay strong guys. :)

Hey guys, I’ve struggled pretty bad with anxiety the past few years due to circumstances in my life (deaths, financial struggles, family issues). Growing up, it felt like my life was normal and nothing really bad happened, so I had no worries. It seems like a lot more struggles have gained during adulthood, and these things have compounded and really hurt my mental health. I worry about how something will go wrong as a way to mentally prepare myself if something bad does happen. I’ve felt like anxiety has been a problem for me, but something got worse in me the past week and I feel like I might have OCD. I’ve been having these awful sexual intrusive thoughts that have never crossed my mind. I know this is not me and something I would never do, but the fact that this thought popped in my head has sent me into a spiral. It seems like the fact that I’m so stressed about it causes this thought to continuously come back, a never ending cycle. I can’t even enjoy myself lately because if I just sit down relaxing, it seems like the thoughts just come back. I’m at a point where I look forward to sleeping at night because my brain is turned off. I’ve never even considered therapy in my life, but these thoughts are messing with me so bad that I feel like I need to consider it. I know these thoughts aren’t me, but there’s a small voice in my head that keeps saying "what if” and I just can’t seem to shake it. I feel really isolated because I’m the type of person who can’t hold things in and need to get them off my chest. But if I got these things off my chest, then it would severely damage my relationships with a lot of people, especially my family. There are some things they just do not need to know, especially if it involves them or someone they love. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a few really big and stressful life events (like a family member having a big surgery, an important dr’s appointment for someone else) and I was really stressing and anxious about these things in the weeks leading up to it, which I feel is normal. The great news is that everything went well on all fronts, so I should be relieved and usually I would be. But all of a sudden, these intrusive thoughts have taken over and I can’t enjoy myself or how good things are in my life right now. Idk the point of me typing all of this, I guess it just feels like a tiny bit of relief to put this out there for others to read since I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with people I know. I truly hope this gets better and these thoughts can eventually go away and allow me to live my life. I can’t live like this for a long period of time, so something has to be done. I used to be able to brush off an intrusive thought as "oh, that was weird” and move on without dwelling on it. But now all of a sudden, I can’t do that. I have a new respect for people who suffer from OCD, depression, and anxiety and I truly hope and pray that anyone reading this will be able to concur whatever battles they’re facing.

I was reading through a 'straight OCD' article and it highlighted the difference between having the disorder and being in denial. It said: "When someone is in denial, they avoid thinking about a problem, try to justify their behavior, or deny the presence of a problem." Even if I have all the OCD symptoms, I do exactly this. When I see an attractive guy, I tell myself I'm not actually attracted in attempt to reassure myself that I am lesbian. I try to stop thinking about guys. I try to tell myself it's just aesthetic attraction and there is no need to think the way I do. After reading, I'm thinking I could just be bisexual. There's nothing wrong with that, I know. Im having a moment where I'm not crying in fear over the possibility of being bi and learning to accept that I might actually be bisexual. But when I snap out of my mind and feel disconnected from my thoughts, its blatantly obvious I'm not. I'm afraid of identifying as bisexual and then becoming paranoid about if I'm 'actually a lesbian'. It's all super confusing. I'm clearly gay, but at the same time, there's so much that could suggest otherwise, so surely it's just logical to identify as bi and learn that I'm still valid as gay/wow? It's not because I've been with guys and it was a huge turn off. I think I went too far down the rabbit hole, and just want to identify as gay, and that I dont like men. But the fear of being wrong is rooted deeply in it.And when you're wrong, it usually upsets other people, which is an even bigger fear of mine. Guys dont appeal to me, they do aesthetically and in a 'squish' (platonic crush) way, but as soon as romance comes in? Ew, please. This is my problem. I just cant accept what's right in fear that it could be wrong. I need to get this off of my chest and speak to a professional, but unfortunately my circumstances changed and I just cant have NOCD therapy (I can, but my grandparents would hear everything and I'm very uncomfy with that scenario). I could just keep writing and writing, really. I like having 'calm OCD' moments, where I can think about my situation without stress. I could be bisexual, abrosexual, or even straight, or even trans! Identifying as lesbian is such a secure identity and that is intimidating to me, as much as I love having specific labels. Yeah, rant over before I write my night away, lol!

Ok, community. I’m really scared about this one. Does anyone know if OCD can be triggered by a life altering event such as a death or a move? I have always had relationship anxiety in this way: “Is he going to text me/call me back?” “He did such and such. What if he doesn’t like me anymore?” “Maybe he doesn’t even like spending time with you anymore but doesn’t want to say it.” I had these thoughts at the beginning of my relationship with my current partner. But ever since my relationship became more serious, the thoughts and physical symptoms became extremely intense and sounded more like this: “What if I don’t actually love him?” “Am I/was I ever even attracted to him in the first place?” “What if we’re not compatible?” Obviously, I don’t want to ask for reassurance since that won’t help me. I’m wondering if anyone else’s ROCD experience has been like this.

My ocd and depression are already beating me down this morning. I’m so tired of feeling anxious, extremely sad, guilty, and going through all of my memories to make sure I didn’t sleep with someone else since being with my husband. I’ve never once in our entire relationship questioned if I’ve done that. Ever since that first thought appeared it’s making me wonder if I actually did it and can’t remember. It literally makes me sick to my stomach and freak out. All I wanna do is give up, because I can’t keep feeling like this😔

Anyone else scared that they don’t actually have OCD, and their relationship is doomed?

Hi everyone, I decided to join this app because I believe I need more support when it comes to being open about intrusive thoughts and how scary it can be to share them. Yesterday I had a therapy appointment and I decided to open up with her about a recent panic attack I had that followed with intrusive thoughts. I rarely experience them now or can mitigate the anxiety that comes from them because I am on medication, but I thought I wouldn’t be judged and felt comfortable opening up about them to my therapist. Following after that, she began to ask mandated reporter questions and I became scared because she seemed to think I would act on the thoughts I’ve had. So despite me opening up with her about them I feel like I can no longer share because people who have never experienced them think i would act on the intrusive thoughts, when in reality I know I would never and have avoided people, places, and things because of them. Intrusive thoughts are debilitating and cause people to question who they are and go into complete panic! And I guess I’m just frustrated because though there are people who understand it’s still very weird for others and it just saddens me.

Hi. Recently I have been alone a lot which has caused me to overthink. My main theme right now is overthinking my intentions behind my actions. I think back to a time when I did something and if I did it with ill intentions or selfish intentions. I think about things I said at a time when I made a mistake and I wondered if I said it just to make myself look better. I’m not sure if that makes sense but I’m wondering if this is an OCD symptom or if I actually did have some ill intentions that I’m remembering. I don’t know what’s going on and my guilt is getting to me.

Does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts just repeat over and over and over again? I have harm ocd and sometimes the thoughts will just be like “K!ll him” over and over and over again. It freaks me out so bad. 😭 maybe I’m just actually horrible and this isn’t ocd. This makes me feel like it’s probably not ocd because this probably doesn’t happen to anybody else.

I get scared when this happens cause last time it was the start of my mental break so I guess you can say I’m digging my way out and making progress. Basically when I think of my SO he doesn’t feel real if that makes sense? It’s so weird and I’m getting scared again but it feels like I don’t know him. I hate this because I’ve spent over a year with him making memories and I love him so why does this happen again?

I guess I’m just really looking for some support. Im not sure if this is allowed, but I need to vent and maybe connect with someone else going through the same thing since I can’t afford the therapy rn. I’m a 22 year old f and I have struggled my whole life with what I think to be some form of ocd. I’ve never felt quite right and I become easily triggered by things that are out of order. I am a very clean person but I’ve always lived in a household with others that didn’t clean up after themselves. When the house isn’t in order, my mental isn’t in order and I will have a meltdown. I hate that because I don’t possibly have enough energy to do it myself plus working overtime, and I also really can’t ask for help bc no one ever cleans the way I do (I know I should be happy with some help, it’s just hard bc I have to do everyt hing right and perfect but I feel like others can allow themselves to slack and I can’t) I have never been diagnosed with anything but I have taken meds for anxiety before and used to have frequent anxiety attacks which would usually end up with me in the hospital. If I’m anxious I’ll start frantically moving things around in my specific order and I feel like I have become and “eggshell” person. I don’t have friends, my relationship is hard to manage bc I’m so triggered all the time and I think I’m always doing something wrong in the relationship. It gets to the point where I get so aggravated I just want to rip my skin off. I know I don’t just have ocd, I feel like I also have some form of personality disorder or derealization, I’ve just been like this for as long as I can remember and I’m not sure how to explain it. I don’t make enough to afford therapy and you guys don’t accept my insurance just yet, but I hope that will be available soon. I’m tired, I need help :(

Hello I recently got diagnosed with OCD and i have episodes where I ask my mother the same questions over and over, trying to figure out why she told me those things (things that she tells me at that moment or it can even be her tone of voice ) and I ask her if she’s mad at me. I could go on for hours asking her the same questions and when she tells me a answer I am still not satisfied with the answer and I ask her the same question again and it gets to the point where she yells at me and when she tries to move to a other room to get away from me I block her and she pushes me away sometimes or she ignores me and to me it makes it even worse when she does that because then I have a other question to ask which is why is shes ignoring me or why did she push me and why she’s yelling at me One day when I was having one of my episodes and she asked me what I wanted from her and I couldn’t tell her because I have no idea what I wanted from her and I don’t know why I do it (How it went) Mom - “What do you want from me?” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “what do you want from me” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “Yes you do know if not then you wouldn’t be here asking me questions” Me - “I don’t know what I want from you” (from this point tears were coming out from my eyes but I wasn’t crying) She kept yelling at me and asking me the same question “what do you want from me”( I don’t know if she was giving me the taste of my own medicine or something) but when she was doing that i just looked straight ahead and I kept asking myself what I wanted from her can someone tell me what type of OCD this is or if someone relates

I just can't get.stuff out of my head where it's like what if I did something taboo 4 years ago and don't remember, then somehow it gets public and I get cancelled. Sometimes I feel stupid like what the hell am I thinking but other times I'm panic mode with anxiety. ❤️ How does cancel culture affect ur ocd? No affirmations please 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

I think i have a problem. I need responses plz. I (M20) think there is something wrong with me and I’m mentally obsessing. So first, let’s go way back to high school. I was in this relationship with this girl (I’ll use fake names) her name was Jenna from a different school when i was around 16-17 years old for about a little over a year. It was good but i found myself way too attached, (which i guess that’s how i naturally am in a relationship) and everything was literally perfect in that relationship except for the fact she would get mad at me for calling and texting her literally 24/7. And looking back on it rightfully so i was being annoying. She broke up with me after about 15 months and i think she just lost feelings and the whole calling stuff too and we were young. I was upset of course but obviously now I’m over it that was years ago. So after that relationship i was single for about almost 4 years. I had dating apps in the past & I wanted a girlfriend pretty badly so i found one that liked me her name was Sophia (again, using fake names) and we were like in this crazy honeymoon phase for about 8 weeks but it felt like the realest thing ever. And we started officially dating.Then i kind of started suffering from ROCD, i was scared i was loosing feelings, i was getting thoughts that i wasn’t attracted to her even though i was. This resulted in alot of panic attacks , with and without her present. And the list goes on, it was a really confusing time. So, going into this relationship i had thought about my ‘obsession with calling’ before hand and i figured I’m more mature now that i would not do that and I’ll be able to handle it better. Boy was I wrong. After weeks of dealing with ROCD, all i do is keep calling and calling and calling and calling, sometimes i just want to be annoying for no reason and my OCD would get to me thinking I’m some maniac. So we try our best in this relationship for a couple more months but it was mentally wearing on her because i would just be crying with her a lot and dealing with a lot of stuff. So she broke up with me a couple days after New Years and i was devastated, because all in the all i was still in love with her, it was just that cloud of ROCD that was getting in the way. After she broke up with me, i found myself obsessing more, and to add to it, she kind of just broke up with me and blocked me on everything without really an explanation. (even though i kind of know why she broke up with me) So i found myself calling and calling and calling and calling. I would call from No Called ID, i would buy fake phone numbers from the App Store to call her, i would venmo her saying sorry and all this. This all sounds really bad but it’s all the truth. She ended up threatening me with the police so i stopped. I feel like such an idiot and a weirdo. Now, I’m back on this dating app, and this girl named Jessica (again fake names) tells me to add her phone number, so I’m texting her we had a good convo and then out of no where she blocks me and i try calling her from no caller ID a few times but nothing. I woke up with her saying this. “I’m not sure if that was you calling me from No Caller ID last night, but do not do that again. That is harassment.” Is there something wrong with me? I do suffer from OCD and i take meds for it by the way. But other than this terrible attribute, i feel like I’m a really good guy and I’m good in a relationship if you take that complete away. I feel like any girl that somewhat shows interest in me, i have this obsessive feeling and it sucks i just want to be normal. What can i do to change this? I feel so obsessed i don’t want to feel this way.

I can’t enter my room without being clean and this makes daily life impossible, if I leave the house I take a shower. Also I always wash my hands like a lot and if I touch a doorknob I immediately go wash so I don’t contaminate anything in my room. Please give advice on what to do I am really lost and scared that I won’t be able to enjoy life since I keep my self in my room all day