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Does anyone have thoughts about being afraid of jail and that if u acted on thoughts or a plan to kill someone about how u would get away? Or am I actually insane

Has anyone seen an improvement with their OCD with meds? I am about to start lexapro and I’m nervous!

Hey, this is my first time posting, I’m new here and idk how it works exactly. And I’m not american/english so I’ll do my best to describe what I feel in another foreign language. I developped ocd a few years ago without realising that it was a mental issue. However, this year on january intrusive thoughts of harming my pathner appeared and these thoughts got stuck even nowadays. This does not concern only my partner but also everyone surronding me… And I don’t even recognise me… If I was sure about one thing before hocd hit me it was about the fact that I respect live and that I wouldn’t kill anyone and now I’m afraid that I can pursue with these thoughts… and idk if I’m still afraid or not. I think that I’ll snap, or maybe that I have another medical condition, I’m not sure. Sentences like “do it now” or images appears. I know that I have to sit with uncertainty but I really think that I’m going to snap… Before I even thought that the battle was over and “boom”, ocd makes his own comeback. I reckon that I’m more affraid since in my old high-school, a kid killed one of the teachers that I appreaciated the most with a knive… It was like if my thoughts were begging to be true and I hear all the news (without searching purposely) concerning murders and I just panick thinking I’m going to ruin my life and being in jail. And as long I’m writing this I keep asking to myself “you want to ruin your life” or “do it, anyways you aren’t happy anyway” I ‘m afraid of going outside or staying inside at home. I can’t sleep well. Idk what else to do. Everywhere I go I think suddenly “Nothing stops me to go to the nearest shop and buy a knive”. And idk if it’s normal but in my head everything pass so fast, when I imagine myself doing that I see the persone in front of me dying within seconds or with no pain at all. Sometimes, when I go at college or any other place and I still affraid I could do something to someone even if I know that I didn’t grab a knive and put it in my purse . And idk if I’m affraid or I want to revenge. I feel like sht. I saw firstly in january a psychanalist that told me I wanted to revenge secretely. Then I saw a large number of psychologists but I feel that even if I have improved, I didn’t practice at all ERP or TCC. I’ve tried on my own but idk how it works exactly. I also think in taking medicine but I know that I want to take these so as to prevent me from doing something…. I really don’t know how this app works, I hope that here I’ll find some help (even if I’m not from the US). This post is extremely long, I’m sorry, but at least I explained myself a little bit (even if there are some details that I have missed).

most of my ocd has been under control for years now w medication, however, i still struggle with physical compulsions every day and in the past six months it’s become clear that these compulsions (some of which i’ve had for 5+ years) have been slowly physically damaging my body over time and it’s all coming to a head. i’ve destroyed my right jaw joint by compulsively cracking and popping it since early high school. my wrists and hands feel arthritic and i even have to wear braces sometimes to just prevent myself from cracking them. my body is constantly aching and i feel so defeated. i already have medical issues i deal with so having this on top of it is so draining. it’s really hard to accept that i’ve done this to myself. it just makes me want to cry cause i feel so disappointed by myself. it’s like, if i was able to overcome so many aspects of my ocd through medication, why couldn’t i just stop myself from doing these physical compulsions all the time? it’s like i failed and it’s all my fault that my body feels this way now so i don’t deserve to feel bad when my jaw is so sore i can’t speak or my wrists ache so much that i can’t do work or when my head hurts bc i’m rolling my eyes into the back of my head so much. it’s so hard to accept that this damage and pain is the result of my own actions and compulsions. i wish i knew where to turn or how to stop but i feel so stuck in this cycle. it’s either my bones are aching or i feel such immense distress and discomfort in my body that i have to carry out these compulsions that ultimately leads to more pain and damage. i guess this is mostly a vent post but if anyone else experiences this i’d love to hear from you

Hi everyone! This is me writing this while having an intense OCD attack and seriously I don’t know how to handle it. At this point I cry almost every day, I’ve lost my appetite, and I don’t know what to do anymore. This summer I’ve seen a movie where one of the characters had schizophrenia and did what my intrusive thoughts were about, which is harming others. I panicked immediately and did what I wish I didn’t, but I didn’t know back then it was a compulsion: I googled the symptoms. I felt relief at first, but then I started asking myself what if I have those symptoms? What if my thoughts will become voices and I’ll believe them? (This is still one of my biggest fears) Ever since then it’s a never ending cycle, everything I see and hear I question if it’s real or only me hearing/seeing it. I overanalyse my body sensations like when my ears ring, or I feel a tightness around my head etc. I went to see a therapist to start treatment, and he told me I have nothing to worry about, cause it’s unlikely I’ll develop it. I felt at ease, and for a few weeks I felt so much better, cause that talk with the therapist went well and I finally got the diagnosis which is OCD. But then, I was scrolling on Instagram, and I saw a video and ever since then it’s getting bad again. It gotten so bad that my mind “plays” random phrases/music/words in my head, and it’s sometimes in my internal voice, sometimes it’s in others’ and it’s so scary cause I’m just going on with my day and they’re just there. Also for example I hear my mom cleaning the dishes and as she puts them away they make a sound and I hear a word in it, but it makes no sense yet I panic over it cause it was a word? I feel like I don’t even have own thoughts anymore, other than those and the ‘What if this means…?’ thoughts which cause me so much anxiety I feel like I’ll explode. The reason I’m writing this is that maybe someone who went through the same thing can help me, and give me some tips how to stop ruminating and mentally+physically checking (my emotions, my facial expressions, body sensations etc.)? I’m currently going to a group therapy which is seem to help, but I feel like I need to see a therapist alone where she/he can help me with my exact problem? Maybe it’s seeking reassurance and that’s a compulsion cause what if this isn’t OCD but still I don’t know what to do. Thank you!

I’ve been struggling with these feelings for months. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and it’s been a struggle. Not because of her, but because of outside circumstances most of the time, but a lot of our issues stem from my mental health. She’s been incredibly strong and has dealt with so much but she’s out some of her needs aside to help take care of me and help me. It’s been a lot on her. She got me out of a really bad relationship that I was in for 4 years and I think I put her on a pedestal. She stayed with me despite me going to a mental hospital for two weeks because of my OCD (that I hadn’t been diagnosed with yet) and how I was obsessively thinking about breaking up with her but knew I didn’t want to or at the very least I didn’t want to hurt her and on top of that I was having suicidal ideation and still do now (after our big talk I walked to all of our old spots we walked to in the beginning of our relationship and I nearly jumped off of one of them) Now I’m having issues determining what’s OCD and what my actual emotions are. I don’t know if I’m falling out of love with her (which is ridiculous because she’s literally everything I’ve ever wanted) or if I’m just really mentally Ill. We made a promise that no matter what happens we’d be at each others weddings. She’s my best friend and I’ve been able to be silly with her recently but we’re in a rocky spot where we’re taking a break over winter break and I’m not allowed to tell her I love her until I know I mean it. I don’t expect anyone to have any answers, but if someone can help me understand and tell me if you’ve had similar issues and how you got through? I have trouble remember a lot of this year and I think I have a lot of unfair connections in my head between us starting to date (in January) and how bad this year has been. I don’t know if I healed from my ex because it was immediate (I’ll be honest, I cheated on my ex with my current gf, which I have a lot of guilt over but I knew she was different and my ex tried to strangle me over Mario party and cheated on my twice.) It’s weird when I feel like I can’t remember any good parts of this year and most of my happy memories were from when we’d sneak around and very early in our relationship. I had a really bad drug experience that was a big catalyst for my mental health but anyway I’ll stop rambling on, it’s be nice if someone could relate to me. TL;DR: I’m having massive amounts of relationship OCD that makes me question if I love my wonderful girlfriend and I’m scared that I just don’t want to be with her anymore. Help.

Does anyone else find TikTok overwhelming for OCD? The algorithm seems like it’s built to trigger OCD, I always get stuck on videos that I know I shouldn’t be watching and then hours go by and I’ve turned my feed into my own personal hell of whatever I’m obsessing over. I recently got my feed to be more positive, but I still find the speed and intensity (colors, music changes, information, etc) of some of the videos to make my heart race so badly, even after I put my phone down. This can’t just be me **also I’m new to this app, definitely an upgrade from TikTok!

I was on an erotic site and this woman wanted to do stuff with me. She was in a relationship with another woman on the website. She said that she wanted it and that she hadnt done it with her wife in a long time. Long story short we explicitly chatted online but i feel guilty because of the experience. She said i didnt ruin her relationship but i feel like an evil person for doing it. Am i a bad person for this? Someone told me that because its an online chat site, that i have nothing to be sorry about but... i still feel like a horrible bad person who doesnt deserve love...

I have recently been having harm ocd really bad. I have bad thoughts and all I think about is how to get rid of them. I feel like a horrible person and the more I have these thoughts to more I want to cry. I just want it all to stop but I can’t get it to. And the more I confront my ocd the more i want to cry because I have this problem. I just want my life to be normal again.

This is simply advice that helped me and in no way am I qualified to tell you what to do but only to relay my experience. Please speak with your therapist first and foremost. - ERP: You need it and it feels so amazing when you have someone help you along the way -whatever your brain is telling you that you do not deserve to do (exercising, eating (in general or healthily), skincare, dressing nicely, your favorite hobby, etc.) JUST DO IT! will you be riddle with guilt? yes. will it feel sooo wrong? yes. Will you feel anxious? yes. Please just take care of yourself and think of it as an exposure because I think it is! Refuse the conditions of OCD. If that doesn't convince you, do it for the younger you, the five year old you who dreamt of so much. Do that hobby and activity they would love for you to do - Listen to music and consume content with meaningful and uplifting messages. This is for everyone and especially those of you compulsively researching OCD and whatnot and watching videos and all that stuff. Don't get me wrong OCD knowledge saves lives, but when it becomes all consuming its doing more harm then help. Try to take in content (non-compulsively) that is uplifting and positive. Not to necessarily make you positive but to give your brain happy content- feed your brain the stuff you want more of. This is kind of silly but I love listening to the Spirit movie songs by Bryan Adams- they're kind of badass. -Think about and visualize a future that is full of hope. Ok hear me out. Whenever I would think of the future it would be dark and scary which is terrifying but normal with OCD and especially with depression. As I get better whenever I think about a future but on my terms and with everything working out great, I would feel great and then awful thoughts would flood my brain. This scared me and it still does but I realize that avoiding thinking about a positive future was a compulsion for me (you might not relate to this because its kind of niche and that's ok) -Stop monitoring how you feel. I deal with this more as I lean into recovery. I notice OCD sneaking in as scary feelings. Feel them but ignore diving deeper. Remember your brain has been fixated on a scary outcome for a long time so of course we will get the thoughts and feelings and all that stuff (Don't think about a pink elephant!). Your brain lies whether that is a thought, image, urge or feeling. It will do anything to 'protect' you aka, make you do what you are convinced will make you feel safe which are your compulsions. Resist it all-continue doing what you normally do even if you feel like the most disgusting and horrible person. Like Dory says "just keep going" -Stop monitoring how recovered you feel and stop trying to feel 'perfect' or 'just right'. Just live and go through your day doing what you value no matter what you feel. This is SO hard, it's so much easier said than done but you can't get better if you are obsessed with getting better. Look out for this OCD sneakiness and mention it to your therapist. -Gratitude. Be grateful for whatever good you do have no matter how deserving or undeserving you feel. Be grateful that OCD resources and help is becoming so robust in our time. Be grateful if you have people who support you. Be grateful for your therapist. Be grateful for every single good thing. Even be grateful for your brain! I know, I know, but think about how it's just an organ and it thinks its doing its best to protect you even if it is being supeeeeerrr not helpful. -Focus and help others. This can be hard especially with themes like Harm OCD and POCD but I know how it feels. Focus on how much your sibling would appreciate you helping them with their homework instead of focusing on how terrifying it would be for you with the onslaught on negative thoughts. Think about how much your dog would love to go on a walk and explore the world and not on how awful you will feel doing it. I did it and I know you can. -Stop waiting to love and respect yourself before you do things that will help you love and respect yourself. Stop waiting until you feel better to do what you love. You build self love, trust, and respect by continuously and purposefully doing what you love and what you value. -Stop the internal whine. Ok, listen I am not trying to invalidate how absolutely debilitating this disorder is, but I realized for myself that the internal whining I had about this was keeping me stuck. "why me!" "I love my family, I love children, I love animals, etc., why did I have to have this obsession?" guess what it would stick if it didn't matter. How do you make someone do what you want? By threatening what you love most. It sucks but thank goodness you are tough. You are strong and absolutely capable of handling this disorder. But you won't know this until you try and until you do what it takes. -Accept it all. The thoughts, images, and every part of this confusing and even traumatic experience. Accept that you have OCD and that comes with constant doubting and upsetting thoughts. Accept and find some self compassion for your torment. Accept even when you think you possibly can not. Acceptance helps you detach from the thoughts and creates space for it to be there with out determining who you are and what you should do. This are just some things that continue to help me through OCD recovery. Feel free to ask question below but not reassurance because I will not give it. I love you all so very much (yes even you who thinks they are the exception and thinks that if I knew what they thought it would not apply to them, especially you!!!)

i don’t know what to do anymore i have to wash my hands 30+ times a day and i have panic attacks if i accidentally touch my face during school bc my hands are dirty and i have to pull out a napkin and wet it with my water bottle in the middle of class it’s so embarrassing and my hands hurt so bad they’re so dry and red and im trying to get myself to limit my hand washing to once when i get home and once before i wash my face at night but it’s so hard cause literally while i wash my hands my brain will be like “it’s just three more washes would you rather do that or face the consequences” and it’s so loud in my head that i can’t do anything but listen i hate my ocd so much

As a person I have witnessed and been through ALOT when it comes to relationships and dating. I recently just entered a new relationship with somebody and it’s wonderful . But that’s the problem. It’s wonderful. I have been through so many ups and downs with people and family and boys that everything to me feels like a dramatic movie. And I meet this one person in my life who I feel like I can connect with, and I’m terrified. I don’t know how to get the feeling to go away. The fear of is he like everybody else. An example would be three nights ago. I went out with my friends and I was so scared that he was going to be upset with me that I shared my location with him and texted him every five minutes I was out. But he wasn’t upset. I’m scared I’m putting too much on him because I feel like these are my trauma responses. I’m not really for sure why am on this app I just don’t want to control and handle my emotions alone. I need an outside unbiased opinion. In my being too much am I being too scared how do I get these feelings out of my head? how do I get these thoughts out of my head? I need advice and I need assistance.

Hi I'm a kid using this app and I feel very anxious:,3 Can ocd make you feel like you are poly like you were born to be one (｡ŏ﹏ŏ) I don't want to have any interest in poly and I know I don't wanna be in one. I'm happy being monogamous with my boyfriend but now it keeps denying me. I literally have problems being friends with boys why would I want a boy in my relationship :,3 I talked to my boyfriend about it and was happy that we aren't gonna be poly and it would just be the two of us. But why do I keep thinking I want to be one I don't like it I have been stressing about it. I'm uncomfortable with boys (that's not my boyfriend) being with me. I don't and never wanna flirt or be with other boys. I'm also uncomfortable my boyfriend flirting with other girls too. I don't wanna be poly and I don't know how to take these feelings away. It's hurting me and I'm scared that me and my boyfriend are going to share each other :( I'm trying so hard to prove that I'm monogamous and I'm really am committed to my bf. But it would make me have thoughts other boys or just dating other people or have "evidence" from my childhood that I'm poly. I'm so tired, I just wanna be with my boyfriend I only have eyes for him like how he only have eyes for me. I just wanna be the two of us I'm happy just being with my bf. I can't even focus on anything till I proven I don't wanna be poly.

Hi everyone! When I was younger (15), I had a very bad drug experience, to the point I ended up experiencing psychosis. After the drug event happened, I spiraled for months trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was feeling the way i was. I was never diagnosed, but doing the research I realized I was experiencing depersonalization and derealization. I have been completely clean and sober from anything since then, I don’t even drink alcohol for the fear that I might feel “out of control.” Cut to the year 2019, I was 19 years old, I had a major panic attack out of the blue in Walmart. The feelings of this panic attack were so strange that I convinced myself in the moment that I must’ve been drugged or consumed something on accident. Turns out it was just a regular panic attack and nobody had drugged me or anything crazy. However, after having that panic attack in Walmart that night, I have developed the fear of somehow ingesting psychedelic drugs by accident. Crazy right? I think of every possible “what if” scenario, like my roommates somehow dragging on tabs of LSD on their shoes and it’ll get in my mouth somehow, to me thinking that any food I eat may have somehow been lazed with psychedelics. Has anyone ever experienced this or can someone point me in the right direction? I’ve been struggling for 4 almost 5 years and I really need help.

I struggle really bad lately with wanting to confess every bad thing I’ve done to my partner I already gave him a list of people I’ve slept with but now my mind wants to tell him everyone I’ve done anything with kissed, sent nudes etc. I am a 21 year old F and all these things were done in high school I was very promiscuous and broken and sought male attention but since the last 3 years we’ve been together I never felt this need but since now I’ve told him the people I’ve slept with we have been separated due to me giving details and saying things I shouldn’t have about them because my ocd said I had to or I was keeping it from him. I still fell like I’m keeping this stuff from him even though It happened 3-5 years ago like what is he knows these people what if we see them in public one day what if he works with them etc we live in a smaller town and it just scares me so much. Anyone else felt with this???,

i’ve had ocd for a while now and my parents were in denial because they didn’t want me to be labeled as mentally ill. they constantly ask me why i don’t have the stereotypical OCD symptoms such as cleaning and organizing stuff. i am a somewhat messy person because i never have time to clean when i’m doing my “rituals”. i’ve told my mom about my obsessions and she always says the same thing, “why can’t you obsess over winning the lottery?” i’ve told her that it’s not how it works and that i don’t GET to choose my obsessions, it’s usually things i don’t want to happen. has anyone else experienced this? it feels like i’m being down played every time i express what i feel

I’m having meltdown after meltdown, panic attack after panic attack. I just want to curl up and hide from everything. I feel nauseous and I’ll just from the thought of touching something. I feel like everything is contaminated and everything has deadly germs on it. I’m afraid of everything and my medicine just isn’t helping. I don’t want to become dependent on Xanax. I just…feel like I’m losing my sense of what is real and what is wrong. Reality is blurred and I can’t see the truth.

i just wanna feel connected to my partner again like i used to, now i just question everything but still wanna be with him and i also love him so very much he is the best thing that has happened to me. Like it really does suck though cause i lost my desire to even have sex due to relationship OCD

I feel very hurt inside and drained and I’m so done with everything in life at this point. I know there’s more to life than a guy but This guy made me feel like there was hope and this guy made me feel very happy when I was always at my worst. 3 weeks ago I was perfectly fine, I loved my bf so much( I knew that I did with out a doubt or questioning) everything in life was going the way I wanted to I was at my highest with school,at home, and with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend been dating for a year and I’m so thankful for him, I’m the luckiest to have someone like him. But all of sudden I watched something that triggered my mind really bad and cause to have an intrusive thought like”what if I don’t love him anymore” and whenever i had that thought it caused me to have a panic attack and it made me feel like my mind had a whole 360 and looked at him like if he was evil but why did I think of that. But ever since then I can’t get away from the thought and now it’s worse because every time I tell my self I love him my mind has this voice and it tells me “no you don’t” “you don’t love Michael” or “break up with him” or like “you don’t deserve him” or even have dreams of me not loving him anymore and i wake up with my heart racing because i feel like i loose him everytime but i know that there just thoughts and they’re not true but for some reason they feel so real but I know deep down I love him and I’m going to continue to love him I can’t make the wrong mistake and regret it later on and I can’t imagine my life with out him he’s a big part of my life now and I can’t let him go. He loves me so much and is supporting me troughs this whole thing. I just wish this didn’t have to happen to me or to anyone who’s going trough this. But Maybe if I was doing something different that night non of this would have happened I would be good rn. But If anyone has advice for me I would gladly appreciate it. I’ve been trying to look for help like therapy but my parents don’t really see what’s wrong so im trying to figure out on my own.

I struggle a lot recently with feeling down and slightly overwhelmed by these emotions. During those times I do get thoughts of what’s the point and it does feel sore. Sometimes I’ll get like a flash forward of what it would be like for my family or husband if I’d taken my life and they found out. Other times it’s like my brain showed me an object. Or because of the down ness in that moment it does feel like I’m trying to survive. The difficult thing is I can never tell if it’s ocd or thoughts I genuinely need to seek help for. It obviously distresses me. I’m currently about 6 weeks away from labour date of first baby, I’m not working and living in a different country with my husband so I don’t have family. I do get lonely and experience this more when my husband goes to work. I have a good network of friends and church so I try to schedule stuff in a lot. Though I feel like a lot of times I’m trying to “survive” my week. I experience good times and happy moments and exercise helps. But don’t know what’s going on. Does anyone have and insight/ advice.