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Anytime a see an image of my best friend I feel a moment down there or I feel huge or I feel like I’m about to get a boner please why is this so, it makes me feel lost.

i just switched therapists and today was my first session with my new therapist. while on the call i had a panic attack and ended up hanging up the call cause i couldn’t calm down. i’m extremely sad about how the therapist is treating the situation. i voiced what was going on when the panic attack started. i later messaged her apologizing and explaining that my panic attacks cause a rush of compulsions that i HAVE to submit to rapidly. she’s suggesting i “wait until after the new year” to continue therapy. i don’t understand that because i so clearly need the help now, i can barely function. i’m not sure what to do in this situation and im so sad and hurt. i need help and im literally crying over how disappointing it is to be brushed off by the person who i need help from.

Today it feels real. I have my online boyfriend my current boyfriend who is perfect and right for me that I want to meet and marry soon. I'm tired of these ex thoughts. I don't want to be with my ex or do anything with my ex. I moved on and I'm happy being with my current boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I feel like a traitor and a cheater. Why is this happening why does it feel real. I'm hurt having these ex thoughts while being with my boyfriend. I'm tired of having to fight these ex thoughts time and time again. I love my current boyfriend I would never be with my ex or do anything that involves with my ex. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend. I'm trying everything I can to prove these thoughts that I don't want my ex. I'm hurt I'm lost. I'm this close to even ending my life because I keep having these ex thoughts while calling my boyfriend. I don't wanna view or think of my ex. I wanna think of my boyfriend. I'm scared. I'm tired. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't wanna keep contuining this cycle. I want these ex thoughts to stop once in for all and let me be happy again with my current perfect boyfriend.

Hi everyone, so I’m way new to this kind of thing but I figured it might help to find more people that I can relate to as far as this part of my life goes. I will put a trigger warning for certain language regarding illness, violence, SH, COVID and obviously OCD. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, not really a specific kind just mixed obsessions and compulsions. Even so, I’ve known for a while that I might have OCD, my family did as well. I started having problems when I was about 11 when my whole family got sick with a virus, since then my whole life revolves around this disorder. Where to begin, I guess I’ll start with my fears, I think the better question would be; what don’t I fear, but my main fear would be illness. I know that this is usually linked with contamination OCD and that I deal with that kind of OCD the worst. I’m terrified of getting sick, specifically regarding illness that affects the gastrointestinal system but any sickness is scary. Since I was 11, I’ve had this crippling fear that controls my school life, work life, my diet, my friendships, relationships, my home life, the medicine I will take and treatments I will allow, and overall, my happiness. On top of having OCD I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), I believe that both of these, although having a genetic factor, are severely worsened by my OCD. Things only got worse when COVID happened. It was like the world was ending and honestly I wish it had because that would’ve been easier. My fear was solidified during those years. On top of not wanting to interact with anyone, I lost someone very important to me from complications due to COVID. I miss this person greatly, and going through that grief was immense putting my fear at its peek. With that being said, I also deal with intrusive thoughts that are violent in nature, sometimes to others, mostly to myself. Those thoughts can be anywhere from hatred, disgust, anger, and just straight violence. I have lots of shame surrounding the intrusive thoughts I have because it’s hard for me to recognize that those thoughts aren’t a reflection of my real feelings of others or myself. I also have a hard time in relationships, including friendships, because I constantly question my feelings toward that person, not knowing how to differentiate between the intrusive thoughts I have about them and the actual feelings I have for them. During this time, I’m growing and learning new things about myself, exploring my sexuality and gender as well and becoming who am I today. I’m 18 now and a senior in high school and I feel like I’ve missed so much of my teenage years hiding from the world in fear. In person schools are hell for me, when I go I’m constantly on edge, overwhelmed with the fear of sickness and people and even just breathing the air that the other students breathe. Being there makes it so hard to learn, think, or complete assignments and because of this, my education looks a lot different from most. I’m in an online school, it’s still a public school but online. This school has been a positive experience for the most part, I can learn and get good grades that I couldn’t before, it also gives me a sense of independence and control of my education. However, it also means I miss out on a lot of things. My school does hold a prom and graduation for students but I have no friends at this school because most people aren’t here to socialize but to get an education and move on. So, I’ve never been to a prom, my only friend lives in a different state than me, I don’t experience parties or sneaking out or relationships outside of the non-serious ones I had in middle school, overall, this disorder has made me very lonely. My parents are amazing, they truly do their best to accommodate to me but they will never understand the extent of what I go through. I never want them to fully understand what it’s like to have OCD the way I do. I wouldn’t wish this disorder on anyone. They have gotten me doctors that want to help me and a great therapist but I still struggle. I will say in recent months I’ve been making some progress however there are still bad days. I understand that this disorder is for life but I hope that one day I can live in spite of it. I often think back to a time where life was so much more enjoyable because I wasn’t constantly anxious. I miss a time where I was living instead of surviving. I hope that this app can do me some good, I’m an adult now and I want to change how I’m living. I want to find more independence and happiness and most importantly, peace of mind that everything will end up okay. Now, this is only a summary of my story but I hope that if you got this far you understand that you aren’t alone in this. We aren’t alone. - Jay (he/him)

okay hi, so i am having awful thoughts that are just plaguing my mind. i got into a relationship almost 3 months ago and i got on nexplanon for birth control a little under 2 months ago and i think i am driving myself insane. like i’m having intense anxiety and i want it to stop. everything was fine until like 2 weeks ago, i was staying with my bf at an air bnb and i started overthink having sex and stuff. one of the things that i’m most afraid of is that i’m going to give him consent, we’re going to do stuff, and i’m going to realize that i didn’t really want to do stuff, and have weird feelings toward him even though i told him yes. but i know how to tell him when i don’t like something and i have before and i know how to tell him when i want to do stuff. i’m getting so hung up on a few moments when we had sex a couple of months ago and there was one instance where we both had sex and i forgot to ask his consent and afterwards he says “you didn’t ask my consent” and he was joking but that really bothered me and we talked about it and he said it didn’t bother him he was just making a joke. another time, we had sex and the opposite thing happened: he didn’t ask me for it and we talked about it and it didn’t feel like a violation and i know it wasn’t but i’ve been super anxious and depressed this last week and kind of driving myself into the ground worrying about this. i don’t want to ruin my relationship because i know that when i am rational, i am able to be like “no, that didn’t happen” but i’m scared and overthinking and i’m not rational right now. i don’t know what to do but all i feel is intense distress and anxiety and i want to get over this because i know the truth but i can’t stop spiraling. can anyone relate and help me? i feel like i’m losing it.

People know that I’m a germaphobe. They think it’s funny. They purposely will cough on me or touch me with contaminated hands. They know me. They know how I am. Today I had someone hug me and then shortly after told me that they weren’t feeling well. They KNOW that I am scared of getting sick. I’m also a new mom to a 4 month old. We JUST got over being horribly sick (horrible time for all of us) and she’s even still on antibiotics. When I told him I was not happy he just said “you’re going to be around germs all the time.” Like duh… I know… that’s like a whole things for me. And there is this really really gross lady (sorry that’s rude) at much church. She is a hoarder of trash, so fat she can’t breath, she NEVER bathes, her house is FULL of cats and is so messy she didn’t even know one of them was dead. She trapped me and hugged me today. I had to change my shirt because the whole side of my body she touched felt heavy. It set me off for the day I think. I couldn’t get my hands clean enough. I’m just frustrated with how rude people are to me about this. They know but they think it’s just a cute quirk. It makes me sick. For clarification, the lady didn’t do anything particularly wrong… I just can’t stand to be around her, even though that’s rude.

I feel less emotions now. Being stoic is different, and i feel like having less emotions. The more amount of emotions i feel normally now are sadness and irritation. Ocd takes a toll on a person. When the thoughts and images decrease, i still don't feel improvement in my condition. I am sure it takes time to get normal, but by then i relapse. This feels like a constant in my life now, and now i actually feel as if it's a part of me, and that i have to always fight it without any recovery. My relationship/singlehood life isn't any good either, and hocd just makes it worse. The thoughts and images are so frustrating, but when they decrease, i don't even know what to do then. It's as if i hsve forgotten how to live without struggling against ocd. I don't take meds. Meds feel like living well with ocd and not actually recovering from it. For the past 3 out 4 months i didn't take it meds, it still felt good and like progress in my recovery. I just want to defeat ocd and live my life as per my own choices.

hey everyone! so from July to start of November I had extremely intense rocd with intrusive thoughts compulsions and all, however now I feel that I hardly get the intrusive thoughts and now I’m just left with the lingering feeling and anxiety of not loving my partner. I think this is due to the fact I’ve had rocd thoughts for a while and now my brains almost in limbo ? I’m not sure what this is and I’m panicking as I don’t feel as much anxiety as I did with the thoughts, this is a major trigger for me as I want to feel attraction and for things to go back to normal but how can I get this lingering “I don’t live my partner” thought away, it seems like the only thing keeping me from recovering :)

WHY CAN'T THEY GO AWAY ? I understand that is the point of ocd attacking you, but it's still so frustrating. I do acceptance therapy and to a degree erp, and it works. But after a point, the thoughts and images should decrease. When they do, fixation and overthinking ruin things again.

Do you guys sometimes think the WORST things? Like SO inappropriate. You know your family wouldn’t want you around or if they knew what you thought they would absolutely think you are sick and not want you to be around their kids or family? Idk I am really convincing myself I am not okay. And this isn’t OCD. I am so scared.

I’ve been sleeping great for the last few months, but just recently I have been having a hard time sleeping at night even if I try to take a nap. So obviously I’m more tired than normal, which makes my ocd worse. Now when I try to fall I sleep i have anxiety flare up and makes it even harder to fall asleep. I’m literally tired trying to fall asleep relaxed and comfortable and can’t. Does anyone else have this problem?

Hi everyone, I want to talk about something kinda personal because I don’t really get to talk to my family about my life without being judge. So I have had anxiety/OCD and more since I was a kid. I have some terrible thoughts, including about the dead and etc. anyways I feel like I was neglected as a kid and a young teen but I don’t want to put false blame on my parents. I just need to know. Ever since I was a kid I’ve felt different, I’ve had these terrible thoughts and feelings that I wasn’t enough. My sibilants would always tell me to stop crying, shut up, call me names and hurt me. I always thought it was just a sibilimg thing until we got older and they still bask my mental health and hurt me. For example my sister and I worked at the same place together and people there didn’t like me . And all I did was kept to myself. Well my sister threw it in my face all the names I was called and it hurt a lot. My siblings don’t know about my ocd bc when I shared it back in 2021, they laughed at me and told me to stfu. There’s moments where they are nice, but more where they judge and hurt me. Nobody in my family seemed to care for me until I was on the verge of killing myself a few years ago. I’ve always gotten my basic needs from my parents, but I can always feel the difference in how my mom and dad talk me to my other siblings than me. My mom calls me names and my dad just recently stopped only bc he was having bad anxiety (when it’s in his favor). My mom always screams at me about money and getting my dog outside and my dog being bad ig. But no matter what I cannot catch a break. I am told my parents feel like they have to “walk on eggshells” around me because I’m so sensitive, and my siblings have kids and made a comment if their kids were ever like me they would “nip that in the ass”, to stop them young. I kinda just sit there and take this all. Always have. I always stick up for my siblings and help them. But when it comes to me they don’t care. Same with my parents. My mom tells me to not tell her what I’m going through bc it’s gotten old. Can anyone help me? Help me understand. Is this neglect? Like is this why I always feel hurt and just not good enough. They make me feel like the black sheep.

I found a way how to manage with OCD First you have to Change your mind. And think that if you know how to help people with OCD , that means that you know how to manage with it because it Works for you. First of all 1.Go deep inside of you. 2. your Obsession comes from your panic. 2. Your panic makes you anxiety. 3. Learn What should you do to manage with your panic. 4. Do you have Any Story with your heart attact or feeling like your Heart will stop when your Heart accept your Stress that you have? 5. Check your heart with doctor if you have Any medical Problem. 6. If not, Realize that the panic or Stress you have the things is Hard for you And if you manage with it , you just gonna be old earlier then your age. 7. The Stress makes you More closer to be or Look Older. 8. Do not taking the things just you cannot Deal with it. It is harmful for you. 9. Do not try to be responsible too much for Other people feelings. 10. If you do, its gonna affact you seriesly And you will look older More them. 11. Try to increase your dopamin, avoid from Stress And let go the things that you cannot Deal with it. 12. Do not make empathy with all people or Try to take their stress just Try to do make them calm ( if you don’t have Easy Option). 13. Do your all responsibility with time flow to make everything easier for you. 14. Do your things on the right time to not think about them later. 15. It Is not Bad if you say someone that i cannot think about it. The More you think more you anxious, more you feel tried. 16. It doesn’t make you Bad person to Focus only your Life and try to think too much with Other Person. 17. The more you become obssed the more the affact other people. They do not have to take the heavy things with you just for you to feel comfortable. 18. Do not think bad when people doesn’t think with you how to solve your problem. 19. They don’t have to spend their brain function with being anxious because of you. 20. focus more on your response 21. Everything will be happen with your passed experiences. You cannot control the things. 22. Everything in the life is connected there is no suprise. If what you do, even if you don’t want , you will have to take response of your actions. 23. Accept your stress your heart should accept or learn how to accept the things. 24. Leave everyone‘s life if it is not your business. 25. Someone else’s action is not under your control maybe on their head the way how they what to behave you is their own life. 25. If someone wonder about you idea to keep or end with your relationship , you cannot control it again. If they ask you it’s your life too and you can decide yes or not. But if it is without your decision it’s also their life how they want to be as a person, is not your life again. 26. The person had a decided something without your decision is should make you to think that you are not even in their life if they make a decision without communicating with you. And it is little bit selfishness and you can decide actually easily that with this kind of person , your relationship would not go more anyway. It could go more worst. 27. Do not forget! With just assuming you shouldn’t decide the things. It makes you selfish too. You must always communicate with people. 28. say the right things and right time. That’s why if you feel nervous afraid or etc realize your emotions and express it. Do not avoid from that. 29. Do not create or imaginate things by yourself the feeling first comes from other person how they reflect you. By obssing with them makes it more bigger! Just don’t do it yourself. Stay calm! And healthy! ☘️

i was “diagnosed” with OCD less than a year ago. the reason i use quotation marks is because my psychiatrist isn’t very thorough, although i’ve only ever had one psychiatrist so maybe this is the norm. essentially, i went in to tell him i’d been struggling with intrusive thoughts, and he just said “that sounds like OCD” and wrote me a prescription for medication to treat it. when i went in to talk to him about it, i’d already had the suspicion i’d been dealing with OCD after learning about it in my college psych 101 class. ever since i was 8 years old, i’ve had awful intrusive thoughts regarding my faith, and i’d combat them through repeating prayers or little sayings over and over again in my head. i’ve been doing this for over ten years now. i have other intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (if i really have OCD) , too, but that’s the bulk of it. here’s the reason i’m writing this, though: the medications i’ve been taking haven’t helped much, so i think i need therapy, but therapy makes me nervous. i’ve been taking anti anxiety medication for roughly 5 years, so when i told my psychiatrist i was dealing with intrusive thoughts, he was really surprised because the medication i was on is used to treat OCD all the time. he’s tried a couple different changes to my medication, but none have worked, which leads me to believe i might need therapy to bridge the gap. therapy terrifies me, though, because i have this sinking feeling that if i seek out therapy, my therapist will discover i’ve been lying about my symptoms without me even knowing that i’ve been lying, if that makes any sense. i’m sorry this is so long. i guess i’m looking for some encouragement.

I got very triggered today. I’ve been doing so good, but I read a couple of posts on here that were very triggering for me. I saw a one that it is more likely for this theme to be true and people find out they are actually gay at the end of it and then another one that had said they hadn’t figured it out yet and the just scared me. I don’t want to be gay. I have never looked at women or wanted to be with them until this hit me. It has caused me the deepest distress. I have lost all attraction towards males but now feel false attraction to females and it sets me off. I feel as if I have lost myself through out this. I do not know who I am or what I want. I just want my old life back before this. I constantly get the thoughts of “what if I am gay and just lying to myself” “what if it isn’t false attraction” “what if after all of this I find out I am gay” I’m just having a bad day, and I want this affliction to go away. I see posts where people have had it for years and it stresses me out. What if I never get better? What if these thoughts stay with me forever. I’m just struggling today.

For the past week-ish I have been having a really scary existential crisis that feels like it is stemming from ocd. It started with me being freaking out that i’m going to die one day, then it merge into me being freaked out about what was going to happen after I die (mostly the thought of nothingness). I found some very brief relief in some spiritual beliefs and watching psychic medium readings but then I started think about even bigger and harder to answer questions such as, “if there is a God, who created God?”, “Is the afterlife scary?”, “Could the afterlife end one day?” “What is the point of anything at all?”, “Will the sun exploding destroy whatever afterlife exist?” Really ridiculous questions. I truly believe that there is something after death and something that exists as a life force science cannot explain, but the fact that my mind can’t comprehend or figure it out is really really scary. I feel as if I am going crazy. I have been thinking about nothing but the universe and the meaning behind it all and where it all came from. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day and even that is hard. I have been non-stop watching videos about people’s beliefs about this topic trying desperately to find some sort of answer and I am starting to think that may be a compulsion. I am trying my best to remind myself that I when I die I will have all the answers to these questions and I don’t need to worry about this right now because it truly doesn’t affect anything or change anything in my life but it is really hard. I feel as if I have “uncovered” something and my life will never return to normal again. I am terrified that I am going to go crazy or start having hallucinations and that I’ve ruined my life by researching into something so complex and not understandable at all. Any kind of suggestions or anything would be helpful, I hate dealing with this and feeling so crazy and hopeless.

So I have an uncle who comes over sometimes and I started having thoughts of being attracted to him or something, this has happened before and it became a small obsession until I finally said I don’t care (I did) but it’s back again with my uncle and it feels so real and confusing, I feel so weird around my uncle now idk how to explain but I hate it so much I want to cry

Does anyone have thoughts about being afraid of jail and that if u acted on thoughts or a plan to kill someone about how u would get away? Or am I actually insane

Has anyone seen an improvement with their OCD with meds? I am about to start lexapro and I’m nervous!

Hey, this is my first time posting, I’m new here and idk how it works exactly. And I’m not american/english so I’ll do my best to describe what I feel in another foreign language. I developped ocd a few years ago without realising that it was a mental issue. However, this year on january intrusive thoughts of harming my pathner appeared and these thoughts got stuck even nowadays. This does not concern only my partner but also everyone surronding me… And I don’t even recognise me… If I was sure about one thing before hocd hit me it was about the fact that I respect live and that I wouldn’t kill anyone and now I’m afraid that I can pursue with these thoughts… and idk if I’m still afraid or not. I think that I’ll snap, or maybe that I have another medical condition, I’m not sure. Sentences like “do it now” or images appears. I know that I have to sit with uncertainty but I really think that I’m going to snap… Before I even thought that the battle was over and “boom”, ocd makes his own comeback. I reckon that I’m more affraid since in my old high-school, a kid killed one of the teachers that I appreaciated the most with a knive… It was like if my thoughts were begging to be true and I hear all the news (without searching purposely) concerning murders and I just panick thinking I’m going to ruin my life and being in jail. And as long I’m writing this I keep asking to myself “you want to ruin your life” or “do it, anyways you aren’t happy anyway” I ‘m afraid of going outside or staying inside at home. I can’t sleep well. Idk what else to do. Everywhere I go I think suddenly “Nothing stops me to go to the nearest shop and buy a knive”. And idk if it’s normal but in my head everything pass so fast, when I imagine myself doing that I see the persone in front of me dying within seconds or with no pain at all. Sometimes, when I go at college or any other place and I still affraid I could do something to someone even if I know that I didn’t grab a knive and put it in my purse . And idk if I’m affraid or I want to revenge. I feel like sht. I saw firstly in january a psychanalist that told me I wanted to revenge secretely. Then I saw a large number of psychologists but I feel that even if I have improved, I didn’t practice at all ERP or TCC. I’ve tried on my own but idk how it works exactly. I also think in taking medicine but I know that I want to take these so as to prevent me from doing something…. I really don’t know how this app works, I hope that here I’ll find some help (even if I’m not from the US). This post is extremely long, I’m sorry, but at least I explained myself a little bit (even if there are some details that I have missed).