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How can you do exposure therapy? like I’m not in therapy but how is it out there for you guys?

So I’m getting treatment in person and today I had a phone call and it was basically asking questions to see if it is ocd.like an assessment. On the phone there was a lot of questions and I had to answer with numbers So for example she would say a statement “I excessively wash” and then I answer on how much I experience it : 1-not at all 2-a little 3-moderately 4-all the time But now I feel like I lied for some questions and just that I’m lying that I have ocd and using it as an excuse and that I’m just not bad enough. Like I’m scared I’m lying saying I experience some of the things. Like my head lately keeps saying that I’m putting it on and that I don’t have it or using it as an excuse I’m scared what if I don’t have it like right now it’s telling me I’m lying. I feel like I’m making it all up Because a lot of questions around ocd I never hear them talk or ask me about a lot of themes like Pocd Rocd So ocd So when I don’t experience things they ask about like symmetry , ordering or harming others it makes me feel like I don’t have ocd

Hi all! I am asking for ‚reassurance‘ and in this case I think it’s ok - and also, If anybody else experienced this. I am in therapy for 1,5 years now with this psychoanalysis therapist. She is great at what she does, but not for my OCD. Last year it got so bad and I went to the hospital for 2 months cause my ocd just flared up so badly. She helped me with my trauma a lot (father sa‘d me for years and only with her I remembered with flashbacks). Though she sees each ocd thought with direct correlation to my trauma. Which def could be the case, but it did not help me one bit. In fact, I am where I was now one year later contemplating if I shall go to the mental hospital again. The fact that there is a ‚reason‘ implied for each obsessive thought that pops my mind (e.g. cheating thought when looking at my fiancé is creating distance because I project my fathers relationship into my fiancé and then i get scared) - could be, but how does it help me? Or the fact that she says my ocd flares up when I’m angry cause I get thrown into that child-like anger from when my father abused me, which but I don’t even remember how I felt (which is great, it’s dissociation‘s purpose).how does it help me though?! I know that it actually worsened my condition cause now I realize I was ruminating all fuxking day long about the associative meaning of that stupid thought. Until yesterday I hurt myself again cause I was very close to giving up (dramatic I know, but it’s how it felt yesterday). Why did it take me so long to let her go? I wrote an email this morning to her saying that I want to change therapy style and that I want to talk about it with her… it got so bad I was questioning my reality yesterday … like 100% didn’t know what was real… Did any of you have a similar experience ? And do any of you have a good tip now to get out of this cycle myself? Thank you!!!

Hi, I hope that you’re all doing well whoever sees this. Since march I’ve been dealing with pocd, despite not being diagnosed I show many symptoms of OCD and one of my first symptoms of pocd was anxiety and a groinal response from listening at a video talking about a horrible monster and what he did to innocent kids and I’m just not sure on what I have but god pocd just feels so real, I hope I’m not a freak but the intrusive urges, intrusive feelings, intrusive thoughts are just horrible I want the old me a month and half ago back.

Really struggling with the feeling that I might actually be in denial and that I’m just lying to myself and my partner and I’m just using ROCD as an excuse. I’m really triggered by the concept of attachment vs love especially considering I fit more into the attachment category rather than love (what I enjoy the most is not making him happy but how he makes me feel: supported, loved, attractive, comfortable, safe, my inner child comes out in like a child with him). I don’t fit into the: I want you to be happy. I don’t want him to be sad but just like I don’t wish anyone to be sad. I’m not excited when he is excited or happy when he is happy I just feel neutral.

How do you stop constantly checking/scanning your brain for thoughts! It’s my biggest compulsion and it’s getting me so down because I do not want these thoughts but I can’t seems to physically stop checking they are there which then greats even more!!!

I’m so worried about being a literal psychopath. I keep reading that psychopaths start out hurting animals. I made some mistakes a kid. I was mean to my animals and for some reason it didn’t register that they felt pain. I never killed any animal I was just rough. I haven’t done anything since i was a kid. I get very emotional anytime I see an animal in pain and suffering. I even consider veterinary school after I graduated high school but chose not to pursue that because I have such strong emotions towards suffering animals/euthanasia. I could never see myself taking an animals life even if it was for the better. I currently live surrounded by animals and see them more as family than pets. They are my literal babies. I’m worried because I at times looked back to the things I did and wish I never did it but it’s never stuck so much with me until recently. It’s all I think about and I literally wanna punch myself and wish someone would’ve just beat me when I did that stuff. I’m worried it means I’m a psycho just waiting to break. I’ve been having harm ocd type stuff and have been ruminating and it’s all I think about is being a psycho. I feel like everything has been a lie since my childhood. I’m questioning my own emotions and everything and now I feel numb. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything but I constantly feel like a psycho and it feels so real. I always enjoyed watching true crime stuff with my bf and now that I know about all this I’m freaking tf out. Everything feels so real like it’s already happened or is gonna happen if I try to forget about it.

Okay, so, friends I need some support, or erp direction. I keep looking for reassurance and I keep inwardly catastrophically thinking. ocd picks one thing, then latches onto another thing, and man I’m annoyed with it. So as you guys know me and my husband recently eloped this weekend due to him enlisting in the navy. We still plan to have a large wedding at some point once we know about his deployment schedule etc. I’m currently obsessing over my husbands bachelor night. I didn’t plan anything because we talked about how we were just gonna do our own thing with our friends for our big wedding in a year and a half. But his bestfriend took him fishing all day and then ended up telling him he wanted to take him out for his bachelor party and do what my husband did for him when he got married (go to a strip club). - ( i didn’t care when he went this time because it wasn’t my husband getting any dances from strippers. ) So ofcourse he talked to me about it first, he wouldn’t have gone if I said no absolutely not, and I said it was fine. I didn’t want to start off our marriage being the wife that doesn’t let him go to his own bachelor party because of my own insecurities. BOYYYYY I WISH I JUST TOLD HIM NO. I’m currently obsessing over every little detail. It’s all I can think about. The minute I think I’m passed it I get pangs of thoughts again and again. He told me what happened so I know all of the details, but mannnn. So I looked up the place while they were on the way there, and I found the clubs Instagram and got VISUALS. (Mind you I’ve never been to a strip club so my brain is running wild. I’m 26 and I’ve never been to a club or an EDM show or a rave or anything) When I seen all of that all I could do was cry, and I didn’t want to ruin his night so I just stopped texting him when he was going, maybe if I went out and did something I’d be better ? Idk. Hes the sweetest guy, and he is HUMAN. He is a man and bachelor parties are just things that people do when they get married, I know. AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS OKAY. But I’m still obsessing over it. All he did was have a few drinks, got a dance from some stripper and he said it wasn’t even that great, the place was lame and they left pretty quickly. I believe him and I trust him, I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t believe him or didn’t trust him. I know without a shadow of a doubt he would NEVER purposely hurt me. This is the one person I believe would never hurt me. Idk why I can’t stop obsessing. Maybe because I have rocd. I’ve put him in like this bubble of perfection where I forget he is human. My current fear is that I’ll never be able to get over this and we’ll grow to resent each other. It wasn’t even a huge deal but I can’t stop bringing it up and asking him about it or giving him crap (jokingly) about it. I wanna stop thinking about it. I don’t wanna obsess over it anymore. Now I know yeah I can’t stand the thought of it, going forward he won’t do it ever again. But AHHHH. I’m so afraid about what this will do to our marriage. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him or push him away. I’m like spiraling over a stupid bachelor party. I think I need to do some ERP.

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

Hello, my name is Addison and I would love to share my story to see if anybody has been going through the same thing as me because sometimes I feel as if I am alone and nobody understands what is happening. I have known most of my life that I have had anxiety but it wasn’t until last year when I started noticing that I have been repeating things in my head over and over again. I later found out that it was OCD. I especially noticed it when I had any work to do or anything to do outside of my house I always zone out or close my eyes and just repeat everything over and over in my head. I also picture it in my mind so I can better understand what I am telling myself. I stress myself out so much because of it and for some reason my mind does not allow me to accept what I am thinking. So then I tried getting a planner which doesn’t really work for me. Sometimes I would be doing work and I would catch myself zoning out and writing things on my paper over and over and over again. I have tried a lot of stuff to help but it’s still mentally exhausting and by the end of the day my brain is so wore out just from repeating every little thing in my head. If anybody is going through the same thing as me and has any tips please share, I would love to learn how I myself could help myself out even a little bit! 😊

so today i had to give my manager my notice that i will be leaving the job because my second job is moving me to assistant manager starting so soon. i feel terrible that i let them all down and now that everyone hates me, that i hurt them, and that they’re going to look bad at me and im a fuck up. i just feel like my OCD is making it bigger and i can’t stop ruminating on this and when i think more and more about it it cause me anxiety. is this normal and does anyone else feel this way.

Hello all! Just joined the app and this is my first post, was diagnosed in 2021 and have made some good progress in self managing. One of the manifestations of my OCD that is the most pervasive and confounding is getting locked in on the feeling and meaning of very minor things, usually in video games or other interests. For example, with Pokemon Go I have certain Pokemon with a very high CP value (combat power, in case you don’t know the game). There’s a select few where I can’t help but rack my brain trying to recapture some feeling or sense of childlike wonder. Like I try to put myself in the shoes of me or my friends playing this game in 2016 and how amazing it would be to have one with such a high value. I obviously used to have much more extreme reactions to these things as a kid, and for some reason it makes me hella uncomfortable when I can’t understand that anymore. I can’t replicate the feeling and I try to relate it to Pokemon of lower values, and what the implication of it being better than others or being so high may be and how it could look to others. An example I can more clearly describe college sports. As a kid, I would feel genuine apprehension and intimidation when I in a video game played against a team who was ranked in the top 25. Number one team, man I was pacing around the house hyping myself up to play them. But now when I play those games or watch the real thing, any top 25 team I’m instantly having to imagine them in a newscast or sports game with that ranking, what that would mean compared to traditional power balances, what announcers would say, and how intimidating the logo and ranking combo should feel to go against. Of course I can’t capture these feelings and it leads to my head getting tight and many muscles clench until it feels like I’m going to cramp and my head is going to explode. Has anybody else experienced something like this? Clearly, I have no clue how to put this into a concise summary and that’s really hard to deal with when I need to communicate it to therapists. Hopefully someone else can come up with better descriptors

Good morning everyone. I struggle with uncertainty in general and am looking for mantras or ways to respond to anxiety when I feel like I need to know the answer right now. Sometimes the sense of urgency can make it hard to focus on other things aside from the thoughts so I will often engage in a form of reassurance seeking. Going to be starting NOCD therapy this week!

i have severe existential ocd and get plagued with existential thoughts especially when i’m stressed. I have exams this week for finals and all i can think about is the existential thoughts and it’s causing me immense distress. i’m crying 24/7 and having multiple panic attacks a day. i don’t know what to do? does anyone have any advice?( please be gentle)

I wondered if there’s anyone here with experience of OCD treatment in the UK on the NHS? I’m having no luck at all and feeling quite isolated without an official diagnosis (I am diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder). Their OCD questionnaire was based on very typical OCD symptoms such as excessive handwashing, so my results got brushed off. My symptoms show quite differently, but I am 99.9% sure it’s OCD. Also, I know how much the NHS love CBT (I’ve had about 5 rounds of it - only works for me in the short term) but does anyone have any experience of other therapies on the NHS such as ERP? Thanks and hopefully this reaches some brits :D

Hello NOCD community! This is my first post here, so not sure how it works haha. This is a relatively new theme that has cropped up over the past few months, and historically never really worried about until recently. It all happened initially because of a prickly interaction with a friend. A good few months ago, we were really good friends, we’d hang out multiple times a week, she’d invite me places, we planned to do trips out together etc. I would always be someone she thought about when wanting to do something at the weekend, and vice versa. But I noticed towards the end of January, she was becoming increasingly distant from me, making little jabs directly at me that were about me. She wasn’t asking me to hang out anymore. Just really unexpected behaviour from her that I couldn’t understand. It’s important to mention that I had done nothing to provoke this behaviour. She mentioned that she made a few new friends, which of course wasn’t an issue, and I was happy for her that she had met new people, but didn’t see how this justified her not wanting to hang out at all anymore. A day or two after this, I saw on her Instagram story that she was hanging out with a bunch of our mutual friends (and we’d hang out as a group a ton usually) without me, and it made me feel just really sad. I (probably stupidly) messaged her when I saw this and kindly implied that next time I’d like to be invited as it’s something I would’ve liked to join in with too. She was immediately so defensive and unempathetic, and I was taken aback by how curt and rude her response was, from someone who I’d considered a good friend. After that interaction I was so worried that she hated me and never wanted to be friends again. The stress of this was so much that I couldn’t eat, and made me feel sick to my stomach. It was genuinely all I could think about. I saw her in class a few days later and I apologised for what I said in the message, and asked if we were still okay. She said yes and we made up, and it seemed like everything was fine. But clearly it wasn’t, as we never hung out again after that. even though I would ask her if she wanted to do something with me, she would constantly turn me down, every single time. I was fed up and confused. I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to hang out anymore, despite the fact there wasn’t really any reason why we couldn’t. We would talk in class but outside of class it’s like she didn’t want anything to do with me, which felt so bizarre as we’d been so close for ages. Since this experience, I’ve made some new friends, but am always overanalysing what I say to them so as to not accidentally offend them, out of fear that they’d never talk to me again. I am constantly worrying that my friends all hate me and even the tiniest interactions will make me doubt everything. If anyone has experienced something similar and maybe has any sort of explanation or advice, please do let me know! Thank you!

i just learned what a groinal response is, and i think i have it. i do not know how to go on any longer if that is what’s happening. pocd is bad enough, to add that to the list feels impossible. i feel so disgusted and humiliated. i feel like this is all the evidence i need that i am a p. please help me. i don’t know how to survive this

I really don't know what else to do. I had this at 16 and, even though it never really passed, it eased up, they were annoying thoughts, but I could push them out of my head. Now, after I started dating, everything came back stronger, thoughts like 'you don't love your boyfriend', 'you're a lesbian', 'you have to accept yourself', 'you're only with him to hide' and things like that. Before, my relationship was perfect, we had relations and I was always satisfied and happy, until HOCD got me. It was horrible, I started having panic attacks, I wouldn't eat, and I felt misunderstood. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone and, with the stronger thoughts, the compulsions started coming. Like constantly researching 'how to know if I'm a lesbian', 'how to know if I love my boyfriend', tests to know my sexuality, and that reassured me, but it was fleeting. More and more, I sunk into compulsions. I spend hours researching, watching videos, my head spends hours going back to my past looking for proof that I'm a lesbian even though I've never been interested in a girl, only boys. Now, to make things worse, I feel numb, I don't feel like kissing or having sex with my boyfriend anymore. I feel like garbage. Every time I confess my thoughts to him, he tries to help and reassure me, but I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm afraid of being a lesbian and having to break up with my boyfriend, afraid of deceiving him. I'm exhausted, I only think about this from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. And now, I don't seem to be sure of anything. I read some things about compHet and was initially relieved because I didn't have any of that, but now my head doubts that I don't have anything. It makes me think I'm hiding memories because I'm in denial and don't want to accept that I'm a lesbian and don't have OCD. Please, please, help me. Is this HOCD? If so, please, does anyone have any tips?

I was diagnosed with OCD about a month ago and have only done 2 full sessions of ERP. This new OCD diagnosis is confusing to me and it is impacting my sleep like no other feeling like I cannot turn off my brain from my repetitive thoughts. I feel like all of my thoughts are OCD related thoughts right now and I am having a hard time disconnecting myself from them. I truly want to feel better, but having a hard time figuring out how to move forward with my life with this new diagnosis. Any tips for a newbie looking for some hope?

I (M21) truly don't know if im denial or have SO-OCD and am in denial or what. Over a couple years ago I struggled with hocd really bad. It started with just a random thought that led later on to what I think were false attractions or crushes? I would instantly seemingly compulsively stare at most dudes butts. I never felt aroused by this to my knowledge. Overtime though I got basically so tired of worrying that I was just like "Even if these are genuine attractions I have no desire to pursue them and I don't ever have fantasies about them so it will just be a thing that exists for me. Then for the last couple of years thats were I was at and felt like I was straight and just accepted the uncertainty. Within the last few months though it is either returning seemingly or I am actually bisexual and just very heterosexual leaning. Or both Im not sure. The reason I say this is because around 3 months ago I was just writing something down for my college class and a guy walked past me brown jeans and my eyes just got fixated on his ass the more I tried to look away the more I kept looking back repeatedly. I don't think I felt any arousal just a lot of anxiety. Eventually I got on with the day and was pondering it for a while I was like "this must mean something right?" I then looked back at my old HOCD posts and felt the experience of staring was similar. After a few hours I guess I just forgot about it and then went on with my life. Around a month or 2 ago I was going to the gym and I saw a guy exercising and kept looking at his muscles and was fixated like the other event I mentioned. I remember I felt some kind of feeling, I did not feel aroused or that I wanted to touch him or anything of that sort. I just remeber having a feeling. I don't fully remeber everything after that but I think I was just like "Maybe it was something maybe not idk" Recently a couple weeks ago we were sitting in class and I hear some guy talking and was like "wow his voice sounds deep" then after that I had some sort of panic in my head and kept wondering "I am attracted to him" "Did I like it?" again I felt no arousal or desire for him. I saw him again today and honestly felt nothing I just thought his deep voice sounded cool. Over the last couple of weeks I had been thinking through all this and was like "no, this has to mean something right?" I started watching hocd videos and am I bisexual in denial videos and my brain kept being like "Its different this time, its probably real" Ever since then I have been in an almost constant state of intense anxiety I keep wondering if im actually bisexual. Part of me feels like I am and already have admitted it but just don't like the label. Which I admit is probably true. I liked being straight it felt right for me. I have tried to watch gay porn multiple times to see if men can arouse me but I feel nothing. A lot of the time I really don't wanna watch it and just give up on trying. If I watch straight porn with a woman moaning I will get hard very quickly even if I don't think she is that attractive. At this point if I am bisexual I just want to know and not be in denial. The idea of being in denial or secretly having gay feelings and repressing them terrifies me I tried to fantasize about men and got to a point where it felt like a compulsive urge but did not arouse me. These compulsive urges involved me trying to fantasize about a guys crotch or ass seeing as that is where I had that feeling before but still nothing. Tonight I tried looking up guys asses in jeans to see if I feel anything but I felt pretty much nothing, except for one guy who was shirtless with his ass in jeans. I felt that wierd feeling again but did not feel arousal or excitement even though I legimately tried to. Is this wierd feeling repressed desire or something? It's driving me crazy I don't know what that feeling is. now I am worrying if I also had some sort of attraction to someone several years ago. I remember watching a YouTuber and I thought he looked attractive and then starting checking obsessively then just forgot ? For reference I am honestly a lot less sexual overall than I used to be. Before this whole event I abstained from porn completely. I am attracted to women but it feels more selective. Iv'e never seen a woman on the street and been like "I wanna kiss or have sex with her". But when talking to women on dating apps it would always get me excited and aroused and I have liked to listen to asmr about girls both erotic and not for a long time. Before all this questioning part of me was wondering if I was asexual because my eyes would look around at women but I didnt feel like I was attracted or anything. I found some women more attractive than others but that was about it. TLDR: Am I bisexual in denial or repressing my feelings or whats going on here?