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has anyone experienced going through a breakup and experiencing ocd thoughts, i’m having them about reasons why i ended it, lots more. just want to see if anyone relates

I keep thinking about every little thing my bf does or says, I keep thinking he sounds and talks weirdly, and I keep thinking he does weird things or that he’s not tough or masculine enough and whenever I see an attractive man I stay playing scenarios in my head where the attractive man has the same “flaws” my bf does to see how I would feel if another man did it, like I’m trying to make the “flaws” feel normal and ok. And whenever I’m on the phone with my bf he’ll say something in a way that seems “weird” to me and I can’t stop thinking about it and playing it over trying to recreate the inflection and tone in my head so I can see if his inflections and tones sound normal enough or manly enough or if his idiosyncrasies are odd or abnormal or unattractive. But what’s worse is now I’m not feeling the overwhelming waves of panic that I used to have when I had these thoughts. Now they’re just thoughts, but I still feel bothered by them because they focus on “flaws” that bug me. I don’t know what to do. I worry that it’s not OCD anymore. I’m not currently diagnosed either which doesn’t help. I feel like a liar, like I’m busting using ROCD as an excuse to avoid the truth.

So I've started having obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexual orientation too. I think that she's not straight, I've noticed many times that she admires beautiful women a lot.. like a lot which I find a bit weird (I don't know if it's because of my hocd) but I've started having doubts about her orientation too, I feel the urge many times to ask her out that whether she's into women or not, I feel this urge to tell her about LGBTQ stuff to see her response (she don't know properly about LGBTQ coz this is a taboo in my country and only younger generation knows and aware about such stuff).. I've always have urges to ask her about her sexuality, I know it's weird but this is what my HOCD wants me to do. She still in touch with her school's best friend and I've doubts that she might have done something with her best friend in the past as she studied in girls school. I reassure myself that "no, she might just admiring the beauty of women etc" but the obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexuality give me urges to yell at her that's she's not straight or ask her out. You might be thinking that why do I care about her orientation but if I get to know that she isn't straight then I can't able accept myself as a straight girl coz according to my brain, a bisexual woman can't have straight daughter.. Idk but it is what it is..😔

As a cis woman I'm ashamed that this is the subtype that causes me the most distress, and that I have to deal with it at all. At the same time, though, I'm relieved that TOCD is a known thing, because it's the explanation for what I feel. About 4 years ago is when I first started experiencing this subtype (though I did not know this until last year). It caused me so much distress that I would spend days laying on the couch doing nothing but crying. This time of extreme distress is also the reason why I went on anxiety medicine for the very first time. I would question my memories and feelings from over a decade ago, every single thought in my head would relate back to this intrusive worry, i was hyper aware of every physical sensation with my body, super conscious of how i perceived myself, super conscious of all my thoughts, forced myself to gather evidence and figure it out/ruminate on it, gaslighted myself in so many ways, questioning if i was just in denial, completely terrified of being anything but me, avoided certain clothes and people, felt others could see what I was thinking, and felt that the real me was truly gone. I was also not present at all. There WAS no world other than my mind. I wish someone had told me at the time that there was a name for this. It would've saved me a lot of time and a lot of fear. A lot of these things I still do without even thinking, though. It did go away on its own for a very long time. Within the past year it's come back, though, only this time I actually know what it is. I don't know how the hell I survived it before when I didn't know what it was. It's because of this subtype that i first learned what intrusive thoughts are. Lately it's been bothering me so much and it's been making me feel ugly and extremely self conscious/judgmental and flat out wrong in everything i do. Everything triggers it— even things that don't relate at all. My mind finds a way!! I don't ever see anyone on here talking about this subtype, but the fact it's listed gives me just a little hope that I'm not the only one.

An animal in my county tested positive for rabies in my county last night. I’ve been feeling so weird and all that since getting bit by a cat on the 6th I’m actually gonna end it all if I have it. I can’t do this anymore oh my god

i saw a family member post their kid, he is super adorable and funny ive met him before. but ever since seeing that my pocd is telling me i want to hurt him and or do something to him. im really close with his mom i look up to her a lot im scared that u will find out and i will be shunned forever. I don’t want to do anything to him. but these thoughts feel so real and it feels like my body is just gonna get up and commit a crime. she is very spiritual and I go to her for advice a lot, im scared she’s gonna get bad vibes or negative intentions from me I just want to be a good person I don’t want to hurt anyone especially him :( another thing is I had a thought that he looked like my ex and he does and even looks how he looked when HE was a baby but im scared that that means im a p. I hate this :( I get groinal responses and rapid intrusive thoughts it’s so draining :(

Im feeling so anxious cause of my pocd and real events ocd based on extremely horrible childhood mistakes... Here are the facts. - I made a severe horrible mistake of a sexual nature 3 times at the age of 13. - someone told me about what the mistake was and what it meant earlier in the week before the mistakes happened... - i had no idea what the mistake even was before I learned of it, much less ever do it.... - i had forgotten about being told about the mistake and what it meant, and the severe mistakes happened later in the following days... - it never happened again and I feel extremely guilty at the age of 22. I dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

This is going to be a long post so to anyone who will read it and will share feedback, thank you. I’ve realized I’ve lost all respect for myself. When I was 14 years old I experienced my first ever intrusive thought. I was with my childhood friend whose dad passed away when we were babies. I had a thought that I hope he went to hell and if he were alive, I’d rape him. As a 14 year old kid that really scared me, and the thought still scares me to this day. I’m 22. I researched my symptoms and of course, OCD popped up. I went through many therapy sessions, and I finally got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago. I’ve had a really bad confessing problem that whenever I have an intrusive thought, I HAVE to confess it to people, especially if the thought is specifically about them. My childhood friends mom found out I had this thought about her dead husband and basically pushed me out of my friends life to “protect her” that if I were to ever tell her, her mom would make sure her daughter never spoke to me again. This happened about a year ago, and to this day I believe subconsciously it has stuck with me because of the fact that I made someone so uncomfortable that they had to push me out of their life. Especially since they were people who have known me since I was a baby. I’ve started using alcohol and other substances to numb this pain that I endure. My OCD has even started taking over my new relationship. He thinks I’m perfect in every way and I just can’t seem to believe that. I’ve already gotten fears that I’ve cheated on him and or will cheat on him in the future. He’s one of the most precious people I have ever met, and though I have already told him a few of my intrusive thoughts and have explained to him what I go through, I feel as though if he found out about other thoughts I’ve had that he would cut me off completely, just like other people have in the past. I can’t help but feel like a terrible person and friend for all the thoughts I’ve had. I never thought I’d be in this situation where I’m experimenting new substances and getting drunk every weekend. I’ve really failed and not sure what to do at this point. I don’t feel I deserve to be happy or take care of myself. The situation with my friends mother is a prime example.

I’ve struggled terribly with the fear of going into a psychosis or hallucinating. Sometimes I’m able to work through the fear and tell myself “if I’m hallucinating then I’m just hallucinating. It’s okay.” Or “Maybe I will go crazy.” But if I see something out of the corner of my eye or hear something I’m immediately triggered. I feel like I’m constantly seeing things out of my peripheral vision and I don’t know if I truly am hallucinating or if since I’m struggling with the fear I’m just subconsciously paying attention to the things happening around me. Has anyone else dealt with this? I’m just struggling because if I am hallucinating then I’d obviously want to be institutionalized, but I don’t know if my mind is tricking me or not. Please help if you’ve dealt with this.

Im feeling so anxious cause of my pocd and real events ocd based on extremely horrible childhood mistakes... Here are the facts. - I made a severe mistake 3 times at the age of 13. - someone told me about what the mistake was and what it meant earlier in the week before the mistakes happened... - i had no idea what the mistake even was before I learned of it, much less ever do it.... - i had forgotten about being told about the mistake and what it meant, and the severe mistakes happened later in the following days... - it never happened again and I feel extremely guilty at the age of 22.

Anyone has experienced being hyperaware of their private parts? Like i don’t have any intrusive thoughts but when i become aware of my private parts i start feeling weird and guilty and then the thoughts begin and i start to panic and feeling overwhelmed cause i get intrusive thoughts on my sexual abuse from when i was a teenager

I've been with my current therapist for 4 years. In that time, she has helped me so much and become so important to me— even was the one who helped me discover I have OCD. Within the past year, though, my OCD has returned so much worse than ever, and I feel she has done all she can for me. I want to keep seeing her, but if my insurance won't cover a second therapist, I'm prepared to part ways. Within the past month and a half specifically, i've gotten even worse than I've been. I feel like i'm losing more of myself every day. It hit me last week that it's time to get the right help. I always hear so many good things from everyone on here and other pages that OCD therapists change your life, and I'm going to try and take the steps to get started on this. I'm not sure where to begin, though. I have looked at the feature here on the app, but am not sure who to pick or how to pick. Does anyone have any advice on how to get started? Should you take your subtypes into account? Should you take anything else into account?

For some reason, my thoughts aren't bothering me as much anymore and it's scaring me. I don't want to do those things, but why aren't they bother my? is this a good or bad thing?

I’ve known for a while that my anxiety gets worse right before my period. I guess my OCD does too. I’ve been feeling more stuck or “running the hamster wheel” this week mostly because next week will be my period. It’s incredibly frustrating having that OCD/Anxiety plus the hormone changes. I’ve been feeling like spontaneously crying then I will feel like screaming then other times I feel so stuck and fearful with my OCD and anxiety. Usually on my period I sorta mellow out a bit, especially with health anxiety. I know that the symptoms I feel is just from my period and nothing else major so it’s not as scary. Is there any kind of trick that helps you guys when your symptoms get worse during that time of the month?

I feel guilty I’m feeling this way because I know people going through worse stuff than me right now so I can’t speak to them and feel so alone I feel like I’m making it up and putting on “bad mental health” and that I’m actually fine but if that’s the case why am I feeling so drained and struggling to get through the day Constantly having thoughts of s3lf harm again I don’t know what this feeling is anymore and I don’t even know what’s what I feel a mess I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head

Ive made horrible childhood mistakes at the ages of 12 and 13 I heavily regret... It was separate events when i was 12 and 13... I didn't know how horrible the mistakes were at the time... the mistakes were extremely horrible... i dont ever want to be what my pocd and real events ocd say about me... I genuinely feel so horribly and as a 22 year old in pre-med, idk if i even deserve happiness because of my extremely horrible childhood mistakes...

Even with my insurance, my co-pay is still $90 per session which I think is really expensive. I was having a lot of really good improvement in exposure therapy but now I just can't book any more sessions because I can't afford the payments. I'm only 19 by the way, so please don't be too harsh on me, like is there any better alternatives that you guys have found because I found it extremely helpful and now I just can't afford the sessions

I'm tagging this with a trigger warning because I am going to describe an example conversation that triggered my own excessive thinking and describe that excessive thinking in this post, so please proceed with caution!! Does anyone else struggle with hyperfixating and ruminating over what i'm- for lack of better words at the moment- calling The Unsaid in some conversations?? Like, when i'm talking with a friend or acquaintence if a thought or comment I've made goes without a response (or reassurance or validation) from the other person, I find myself filling in the blanks with things like "they didnt respond/they changed their tone so they must be thinking something awful!" And picking that interaction apart and as a result destabilizing my sense of trust in the relationship. Example below (please heed trigger warning) ________________________________________ For example, a friend of mine and I have been studying for our driving TIPs together and they told me they were proud of me for the progress i've made (we've both been nervous about it for years). This friend has expressed having trouble concentrating in groups so it's only really been the two of us, though we still get a bit distracted talking about the songs we pick to play for our study time. I responded to them by telling them i was also proud of them, was grateful that we've been able to do this together, and expressed hope that my being there was helpful and productive for them despite the distractions. They responded with saying that that was sweet of me to say, but nothing else. There is nothing wrong with what they said and they give me no reason to believe they feel badly about studying together otherwise, but this response still makes me anxious and start to overthink because the two phrases that didnt go addressed also correlate with how they feel about me in this situation: if they've enjoyed our time together, if i've been helpful to them. This is where the Unsaid starts to slip through the cracks. It says, 'they didn't choose to respond to those things but surely they must feel some way as well? What could they feel that they cant/dont want to tell me?' which then become thoughts like 'If they dont like studying with me do they like spending ANY time with me?' 'Am i pushing/compelling them into studying with me when they dont actually want to?' 'Am i holding them back from doing their best?' 'Am i not someone they trust/feel they can be honest with?' And so on and so on and its!!! Extremely discouraging and disheartening and I feel awful, because it all feels so plausible in my mind despite knowing I cannot possibly know how my friend feels unless they tell me. _________________________________________ If anyone has any advice regarding how one quells these thoughts from rising up, how to cope when theyre active, and how to distinguish between an OCD rumination versus a real pattern or reaction that warrants genuine discussion, I would love to hear it!!! I thought of checking in with this friend when i'm less anxious but i'm not sure I should; they aren't responsible for reassuring me all the time nor do I expect them to recognize when I need reassurance, even when I dont realize that i'm asking for it (it wasnt until i was typing all this out that it occurred to me that i was hoping they would validate our relationship) And like, aside from this conversation they've voiced positive feelings about my being around before, so it feels unreasonable to ask it of them the one time they didn't yanno? Anyway long post over thank you for bearing with me 😓😓😓

I’ve been struggling with intense shame and guilt brought on by obsessions of whether or not I’m a decent friend, a decent person, if I’m doing things right, and whether or not I’m making a positive impact on society. Any time I do something that causes harm or that I perceive may cause harm or if I’m in the room where someone is causing harm I get extremely anxious about the repercussions and what it means for the course of my entire life. I’ve always believed in karma and how people get what energy they put out into the world, and it makes me fear causing anyone unintentional harm, so I go out of my way to be as aware and proactive of reducing harm to people and communities as possible. I’m getting extremely burnt out and almost never have energy or find time to do something that I enjoy, because it feels like I’m doing it at the expense of others. I feel like I’m constantly anticipating bad things to happen and people to be angry at my existence or responses to everything. I’m not terrified of criticism but I am terrified of people viewing me as a bad person, as annoying, as gross, as a disturbed human being, etc. I welcome criticism,but I’m terrified of other people’s perceptions of me and abandoning me because of it. I’m a trans man and it’s all exacerbated by anti-trans rhetoric and stigma against gay men and anything having to do with sexuality. It also manifests as racialized OCD. I am white and very privileged, but I try to be aware and diligent about learning about and acknowledging my biases and privileges and actively working to change them. However, my fears and anxieties about messing up and causing harm often overwhelm me and make it very difficult to make consistent and empathetic efforts without being consumed by anxiety and intrusive thoughts. My brain exhausts me and keeps me from establishing deep and meaningful connections with people of color. I don’t ever want to overwhelm my friends by sharing this intense fear, but not being honest about it probably isn’t helping us understand each other better at all. It makes me so sad and I feel like a failure.

Does anyone else struggled with retroactive jealousy ocd? Constantly feeling horrible physical anxiety unless I ask my partner about their sexual past? Does anyone have any sort of advice to help me not give into these compulsions to ask about her past sex life? I’m currently in therapy but anything helps.