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my therapist told me that there's no point in trying to stop having OCD because it's my defense mechanism and it's useful so that my mental health doesn't deteriorate.

I’ve always been someone who likes to daydream or fantasize about scenes from books, like a passionate kiss or something similar. Sometimes, I act it out by kissing my hand, or occasionally, I might kiss my partner. However, lately my POCD has been acting up, and now I’m worried about imagining something inappropriate. For example, I might kiss my hand and then have the thought, What if I imagine this kiss being with a child or a family member? I’m not sure if I feel tempted to do this out of curiosity, or if I’m trying to prove to myself that it’s just my hand and nothing more, but it’s scaring me. When I kiss my boyfriend, it feels easier to acknowledge that it’s just him, and there’s no issue. But with my hand, I’m scared that I might be tempted to check or do something wrong, even though I know deep down it’s just my hand. Same thing for m*sturbating. I feel embarrassed for being scared of my hand, but the anxiety feels real, and I’m afraid of checking by kissing it or self intimacy because I worry that would be wrong. I’m feeling really confused and don’t know how to handle it. I won’t see my therapist for another week, and this is starting to bother me more than I’d like to admit. If anyone has advice or guidance, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

Yes. You may be confused but that is literally what my brain is hyperfixating on right now. Less than a millimeter. I’ve done too much google searching today and now I feel like my teeth are gonna fall out. Can someone help me or give me advice to get over this? I’m not trying to ask for reassurance but do your teeth move very slightly too? I already made a dentist appointment because I’m so freaked out. I hate ocd.

I genuinely feel like such a horrible human being. I’m in this group server with 10-15 other people (including my partner) and I have a bit of a crush on one of them. I keep feeling like every time I stay up late talking on the server that I am cheating on my partner. I should note that I make a very conscious effort to NOT reply to the messages of this person on the server when we’re having a group discussion, I rarely ever address them directly, and I make sure to only ever talk to other people on there. I have replied to this person’s messages about 25-30% of the amount of times i’ve replied to other people’s messages in the server (I checked). I was also extremely active and staying up late in this server WELL BEFORE they joined it. I constantly feel like I am cheating because sometimes when we have deep discussions on the server, I feel a bit of excitement at reading their messages and getting to know more about them. But again, I have made it a HUGE POINT to rarely ever reply to their messages or to address them directly, to the point where I will never ever reply to or acknowledge a single “deep” message from them. I always make sure to only talk to other people and not engage directly in a conversation with them. However I feel like it’s still cheating because I get internally excited at reading their messages. This phenomenon has absolutely wrecked my psyche over the past few weeks. I have been having constant nonstop 24/7 anxiety, I am wrecked with guilt and regret, and I am just so insanely depressed. I’m going to bed late, barely getting any sleep, my eating habits are garbage, and my grades are dropping drastically because I’m just not doing my assignments. I’m having such a horrifically difficult time getting anything done. I just slog through every single day, doing the bare minimum, I don’t do my work, I don’t engage in fulfilling hobbies, I just kind of float there and get the bare minimum done while ruminating, constantly trying to figure out if i’m cheating. I am just constantly compulsively googling, “is limerence cheating,” “can you have a one sided affair,” “what is emotional cheating,” “is it cheating to talk to someone in a group chat,” I have googled the same exact things hundreds of times at this point and I don’t know what to do. I feel horrible. I am growing distant from my partner because i feel like I don’t deserve him and it’s really hard to enjoy time with him when I feel so guilty.

First time posting This recent election and all the news and the legislative changes have really flaired up my rocd (possibly, I’m not even sure exactly why I spun out of control recently, by the way I am a woman). My boyfriend isn’t extremely conservative but considers himself more towards the middle though he does have some more traditional values. He doesn’t hate Trump. I’m very liberal. I hate Trump, I can understand some of what he does to an extent but I’ve never liked him and I think he’s a terrible person and lately the political stuff I’m seeing is a lot: These past few weeks have been worse and days ago I tried to call him and tell him I wanted to talk about going on a break but instantly regretted it. I’m working on it with my therapist and I do think my bf could be more supportive of my emotions through this time but he just doesn’t get how this is as stressful to me as it is. Anyway my mind bounces from one thing to another all. The. Time. And I need to do something about it, I need to figure it out. It’s always about him something about him and I love him very much and he treats me so well and loves me, but I constantly analyze my relationship and him in general, I’m worried my cpstd exacerbates this more and makes it worse. I don’t use TikTok ever anymore bc of hiw political my feed is (I’m passionate about human rights,the lgbt, I guess things really viewed these days as left-leaning, he isn’t as into it as I am) Everytime I open TikTok I feel like I need to break up with my bf because he’s a fascist,sexist, etc. is what the videos tell me and make me think bc of how high political tensions are right now . a lot of the posts are talking about how sad they are that their guy doesn’t get them and the comments are like you need to dump him which makes me even more worried. Or they’re super black and white and extreme and then I get stuck. I hate black and white thinking and this online culture, I’m really freaked out. I’m planning on starting ERP soon as I can. I’ve had ocd since I was a child but wasn’t diagnosed till this year (21) and my biggest theme has been rocd the past 3 years since I met him. I didn’t know what was happening to me till I learned I had ocd. It feels so urgent and so scary and even if it’s something that isn’t actually happening or wouldn’t have a possibility of happening for many years (ex. Us arguing over reading a book about a dad accepting his son who likes traditionally girly things, and then this makes me think I need to break up with him to stop the possibility of this happening.) I hate the way ocd works. This isn’t the only thing my ocd makes me do and it’s not the only theme but it sure is the worst and most stressful to me right now. Any advice in the moment for when things become too much to handle? I’ll take anything. I wish my brain had more nuance, this is why I don’t use TikTok anymore. Too triggering. I didn’t use it until today, Today’s the first ok day I’ve had in weeks so thank god I didn’t open TikTok like 3 days ago.

I do so much for people, I always have people in mind. My boyfriend has to keep his ex in his life because they were friends before...even though their relationship ended toxic. My first date with my new bf that I worked hard planing for weeks...his ex blew up his phone and ruined the date alllllll day long My Apt was broken into and really really important stuff was stolen and I had no time to react...before I had to be an adult and go bout life and I mean like hrs. No one showed me pitty and one girl said ah...boo... Same girl leaves her phone at someone's house and gets upset and babies...it was 8 mins away. Then I have a miscarriage and I don't get to process that I have to go straight to being away for the weekend...I'm destroyed....and can't function and just ask for extra easy from people....nothing Same girl had a pregnancy scare.....and got anxious and threw up....so she got princess treatment from people..I'm like.....fucking how... I cook for people and then they don't think to wait for me. I make people items and give trinkets....I never am thought of. I say hey let's wait for so and so....and no one waits for me. I feel so upset and alone. I feel so forgotten. And then when bad things happen everyone gets defended....till it comes to me then it's my fault and deal with it what do you want me to about it... I just want to know what it's like to be thought of.. or defended. I'm so tired. And I feel I'm getting bitter.

I’m struggling so bad. I actually started getting better but now my thoughts are back. I feel like I can’t do anything, watch a movie “oh you’re turned on by that”, go out shopping “oh you’re trying to look pretty for her”. Like what???? My brain just won’t stop!!!!!! It’s making me so depressed, I just feel like I’m about to lose it. I’m happily married, and absolutely in love with my husband. But my brain keeps saying “you’re gay! You’re bi” whatever. I’m so tired guys, I feel so alone, and this has been going on for months…

Does anyone else ever feel like this? When you're having a good day without a lot of fear after having multiple days of fear, you start worrying that your good day will be ruined by fear again. It's like anticipatory fear. Anyone else get this? I hate it but I don't know how to make it stop

Hi! For context: I was diagnosed with OCD late last October, I’ve had it for my entire life. At the same time I started Sertraline medication. I’m turning 22 this year, I’m finally with my long distance partner again and we are starting a new chapter. So safe to say going through a lot of changes, my family and friends are across the world from me. I’ve had so many good things happen to me after my OCD diagnosis (I’ve gone through a lot of trauma so I’m not used to good things happening to me like this) and I’m not used to feeling good. I’m constantly worried that something bad will happen and I cant stop worrying about it, even though there is no use.. Current world events are on my mind as well though I’ve decided to limit my news intake for now and focus on myself. I’m going through so many big changes right now, my body is getting used to my medication and my frontal lobe is developing so my hormones are just crazy (and I also suffer from PMDD before my periods). I just feel so different every single day and at times it feels like I dont know who I am anymore and it’s extremely strange and my ocd tries to cling onto that and tell me that something is wrong or something is about to go wrong. Does anyone have a similar experience? I feel like I’m completely alone in this

Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.

Hi everyone :) I'm fighting with false memory/real event ocd right now and I just need somebody to be completely honest with me. Last year i met a new colleague and she's gorgeous. I was feeling a little self conscious about my looks but it wasn't like I couldn't stand her or anything. I tend to always compare my bf to other boyfriends and when she showed me her bf I THINK (i'm not sure) my head went "oh oh what if he's better looking. What if you'd rather have a bf like him than yours? " but also statements and not only "What ifs". I remember liking talking to her because she's a very good listener but she told me that she knew her now boyfriend while she was with her ex still and they met each other again through friends and she broke up with her ex back then because he was kind of toxic. This was a huge trigger for me too. And she's like 4 years younger than me, you could tell by the way she was acting and no offense but i was just not fully vibing with her. Now my head keeps telling me that I didn't want to stay in contact with her because I thought that her bf is better looking than my bf I have to hide my bf WHICH DOESNT MAKE SENSE I LITERALLY SHOWED HER PICTURES OF MY BF. I love my boyfriend so much it make me sick to my stomach to even think about this being true. Am I an as*hole?

Hi everyone, I’m Cayla. I’m a mom that’s lived with OCD since childhood, but my breaking point came more recently after having my son. I was consumed by terrifying thoughts—What if I hurt him? What if I did something awful without realizing it? I was so afraid of my own mind that I couldn’t be alone with him. The shame and exhaustion were unbearable, and I convinced myself I was broken. In 2024, I finally sought help. ERP therapy at NOCD was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Even now, I have tough days, but I know I don’t have to be ruled by OCD. When my 12 year old daughter began showing signs of OCD, I felt overwhelmed with guilt. I never wanted her to go through what I had, but I knew what to do. I told her that I have OCD too and made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault—and that she wasn’t alone. One of the hardest parts of this journey was trusting someone else with my daughter’s OCD. I knew how vulnerable it feels to share intrusive thoughts, and I wanted her to feel safe. Her NOCD therapist was able to establish trust and genuine empathy from the start, and that relationship gave her the confidence to face ERP head-on. Seeing her build that trust made me certain she was in the right hands. ERP has helped both of us reclaim our lives, and it is beautiful to see my daughter managing her condition and making visible progress. Parenting with OCD while raising a child with OCD isn’t talked about enough, but I know so many parents are struggling with these same challenges. If you have questions about managing OCD while parenting, helping your child through ERP, or breaking cycles of guilt, drop them below—I’d love to share what I’ve learned. I’ll be answering all of the questions I receive in real-time today 4-5pm ET.

i want to mention first i have rocd (i think) for over a year and i obsess very severely over the faft that i live mg bf or not. i realised that i find him annoying and cringe sometimes and thats just his humor. i used to not have a problem either that. I have moments when i lought with him because of him, but sometimes, especially when i feel anxiety every thing he says and does is cringe and annoying to me. For example in the mornings he is a little “funny” and says random stuff and bacause he has vacation rn he woke up later then me, he usually wakes up later then me, and i had a thought that i dont want him to wake up bc he is hoinv to annoy me. im scared i dont like him and i dont apreciate who he is. why foni like him? i dont even know.. we make 2 yrs in april. i hate how i feel. i feel so bad.. what if he is not for me. i feel bad. these thoughts feel real, im scared i just dint want to accept the truth, i dont know if this post is a compulsion bc i want a reaponse from someone but i feel siper bad

I've been struggling with feeling like a "bad/weird/wrong person" for a while now and I feel like every day I'm hyperaware of things I say and do, comparing myself to others (especially "bad people" from movies or documentaries), feeling like I have to figure out what's wrong with me, feeling vulnerable in public, etc. This has put a huge strain on my relationships and school work, where I feel stuck in my head constantly unable to focus. When I talk to people I feel hyperaware of how much I use the word "I" in my conversations, and I beat myself up after for being selfish. I've been crying a lot, almost everyday, especially when I go digging through my memories to figure out if I've always been "bad" and trying to diagnose myself. On one hand I feel as though I should dig all these things up in order to fix myself, but on the other hand I find myself becoming more irritated, isolated and depressed whenever I go down this road. I thought doing all of these things would make me a better person but I think it's just making myself and everyone around me miserable. So I'm wondering, is all this comparison, rumination and hyper-self-awareness just a compulsion that must be resisted? I'm afraid if I don't do these things my "badness" will go unchecked and get worse. (As I type this I feel like I'm also probably lying/exaggerating).

I usually don’t post on here but today has just been something else. my normal 20 minute drive to work took me 50 minutes, and my way home from work took me another 50 minutes, and then getting back in my car to drive back and forth around for like another hour. allll because of hit and run ocd. i’ve been conquering ocd now for quite some time and i was doing so great, all of a sudden the intrusive thoughts/images are like a level 10 anxiety. today when i drove around again to check the roads i went on, the compulsion barely even worked to ease my anxiety momentarily since my brain would come up with a new one the moment i got to the street. at some point i had to be like ok this is out of control im going home. now i sit at home dwelling on my whole drive! mentally reviewing (my go to compulsion with this theme) is not working either, cause my brain won’t let me like fully see the memory. it keeps giving me what ifs and blurry confusing memories. just looking to see if anyone relates as this is one of the most lonely themes ever for me :’) and it feels embarrassing for me when the people around me are witnessing it!

I had about 3 panic attacks, lost what’s been a very HUGE appetite lately. Cried myself to sleep. Spiraled, spiraled, and spiraled. I’m calming down but I’m still spinning mentally. Probably gonna keep crying all night 😛 I’m sorry if anyone else had a bad day today 💗 We can do this, stay strong 💕

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

Hi everyone :) My name is Ezzy, joining from Germany. I've always had OCD since I was a little kid (I'm 23 now). Since I'm in my first real relationship for over two years, my OCD decided to cling onto it. I struggle A LOT with false memory ocd too. The thing I wanted to talk about today is about false memory OCD too I think but I'm really not sure. But I want to accept the fact that yes, maybe it did happen the exact same way. But I feel nauseous accepting it. Last year in August I think I met a new colleague and she is GORGEOUS!! She showed me her boyfriend and my head immediately started comparing her bf to mine. The part which I am very unsure about is that I got envious of her boyfriend. Now as much as I remember I never had that problem before but my head keeps telling me that this definitely happened. Let's say it did happen, how can I cope with this? I feel disgusting even thinking about this. Please tell me how to deal with this. I don't want to confess to my boyfriend but it feels so wrong not to. Thank You in advance ❤️

I obsess about whether I am a cisgender lesbian in denial, and not truly a bisexual trans guy. I feel like this ocd theme developed when I wasn't given support from my parents when I came out as trans. My brain is nonstop overthinking about my identity and I go back and forth between being confident in my identity and insecure. I know that if I were to open up about this insecurity and obsession, my parents would say that it's because I'm not transgender and that they're right about me being female. Having OCD alone, especially themes that overlap, gives me debilitating anxiety. But not being able to talk to my own family about being they're the main cause is OCD cranked up to 1000%. I'm drowning.

Well, it's been a year since things with my OCD spiraled out of control, which led me to eventually seek a diagnosis and get the help I needed. A little over a couple of months ago, I didn't want to be alive. But now, there's hope for me. I've been managing on my own, but I'm going to start therapy soon (working out insurance right now), and I'm so excited to begin this journey of recovery and working on bettering myself so I'm able to live (and enjoy) a quality life!! ☺️🩷 I wouldn't have made it this far without all the lovely people in this community, so thank you!! To anyone who's struggling right now, it can and will get better, so don't let OCD win. You got this!!