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Anyone else with HOCD get thoughts of like "people in denial try to distract themselves" or anything along those lines when just trying to move on from the thoughts. Having a pretty bad episode this morning at least anxiety wise.

I’m a first year Political Science major and music minor at Oregon State University and am currently finishing up my second term (trimester system). As a PoliSci major doing a Bachelor of Arts, about all of the work I do is writing, and if it isn’t its a group project (which also is probably mostly writing), reading, or multiple choice. But my main point is that when I sit down to start writing I think “Am I doing this right? Is this how the professor wants this done?” In a nutshell this is how it goes but I essentially sit there for hours and think like that and more. I failed a class the first term because of this and it shouldn’t have even been that bad. There were 2 writing assignments per week, one of them is writing about what you find on this website or smth along those lines. The other was write about this news article. This sucked because I was thinking “How do I re summarize something that’s already been summarized?” Both of these had to be between 3-500 words long, EASY. I failed this class and almost another one because of thoughts like this the first term and I went into academic warning Now during the second term I’m currently failing my history class because of thinking like this. It was 2 assignments at the beginning of the term that were notes on a book, and a discussion on a movie. 200 points combined. The midterm I didn’t do too bad, but it was messy and under the word count, but the professor liked it and I got 78% so I’m not that upset about it. The only time I really don’t have these thoughts is when I’m writing about myself (like this) or when writing music. I think it’s because of a more personal attachment and I can criticize myself on it when working on it. But anyways, has anyone else experienced something like this? I should say it definitely goes more in depth than this for me, this is just what’s happened most recently.

Tw throwing up The other day my friend and I were making jokes and it hurt the feelings of two of my other friends and they really blew up at us. (Later another friend confronted them about how extreme their reactions were for the situation which is important) I felt so horrible about hurting their feelings I had a horrible panic attack and was crying so hard I threw up. I have felt sick the last few days even thinking about the fact that I hurt any of my friends feelings and I haven’t spoken to either of them in four days to give them space but now since my friend told me she confronted them and I agreed with her they could have been overreacting I feel like I’ve been faking being sick to make it seem like I care about their feelings when I don’t really. I also feel like I’ve been avoiding them to avoid the consequences of my actions like my friends being mad at me. Not looking for reassurance just for advice on things I can say to myself to help or other ways you have felt with something similar.

I feel guilty for sometimes wishing that bad things weren’t bad. It’s such an OCD-driven thought process—if they weren’t bad, I wouldn’t have to fear them. It’s like wishing morality didn’t exist, just so everything would be acceptable. But then I feel guilty for even thinking that. I don’t think I actually want that, I just want this to be easier. The bad things—violence, pedophilia, incest—need to stay bad. But I’m scared. Scared that my anxiety is the only thing stopping me from doing something terrible. Scared that I don’t actually have morals, just a fear of social judgment. If there were no consequences, no stigma, would I lose control? Would I become someone awful? Do I fear *being* a bad person, or just *being seen* as one? Today was an easier day, but still a hard one.

I am a 21(female). I have only ever kissed one guy and it was horrible and I cried after. I stress about my sexuality constantly. I only want to be straight and know I want to end up with a man, but picturing it stressed me out and I am so scared to kiss a guy I think about it and get so stressed and cry immediately. I have severe intrusive thoughts about kissing everyone my teachers my best friends and it creeps me out and then I go down a rabbit hole of sexual orientation ocd! If anyone has any tips that might help that would be great. Again I don’t want or think I am gay but being so scared to be intimate with a man starts me down a spiral.

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

I’ve been having intrusive thoughts that I am a bad friend. There’s no reason in particular, just this nebulous feeling that I am an overall shitty person and terrible friend. That maybe I haven’t asked how my friends are enough times, did I show them how much I care enough, did I show enough interest in their lives, am I empathetic and compassionate enough, etc.? Another thought is that “it’s no wonder my friends don’t really text me often, who would want to be my friend and have to deal with my anxiety, depression, and ocd.” My dad has told me that I no one would want to be my friend due to my fears of contamination and germs. I’m trying to tell myself they’re just thoughts and that doesn’t make them real, but my anxiety and depression have spiked recently due to my job and I feel like I’m a liability instead of an asset. I’m terrified of ruining people’s lives. However, I know that I am a genuine person who is very compassionate and empathetic and cares a lot about others. I am a volunteer manager and I genuinely care about my volunteers as people, so in emails and conversations, I always ask how they are and that their families are well and I hope they’ve enjoyed their weekend. I have recently learned that that is one of their big complaints about me— they find my “how are yous” and “I hope you are well” to be abrasive and mechanical. My volunteers trigger the anxiety, depression, and OCD. Does anyone have any other tools they use to help with intrusive thoughts? Am I alone in this? I feel so alone.

Recently, I’ve been struggling a ton with what I eat/put into my body? I’m a first year college student with a few different health issues (including IBS), and lately it’s been hard for me to find food on campus that doesn’t upset my stomach. I also have pretty severe emetophobia, and feel extremely anxious when I feel sick. The ironic thing is that being anxious makes me feel even worse, so I end up sticking myself in an impossible loophole. My OCD has taken hold of these fears over the past few months, and it’s been such a struggle. Especially since people have been getting food poisoning from various dining halls on my campus lately. My OCD has gotten so bad that sometimes I’m too afraid to eat food other than what I buy myself. I feel so trapped. I don’t want my OCD to affect my physical health or prevent me from eating, bc I love eating!! It’s the fear of getting sick that’s the problem. And it’s even harder when everything is so unfamiliar. Just wondering if anyone could relate. Advice is appreciated!

so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.

I have had anxiety episodes on and off for most of my life, and when I was 28 I went to the doctor's and was diagnosed with GAD. I'm currently in therapy as well. But sometimes I wonder if my GAD is actually Pure OCD. One of the main themes of my anxiety at the moment is the fear of death and dying. This is how my thought processes typically work: I'll see someone (eg my parents or other family members), and then I think about their age. If they are old, this sets me thinking morbid thoughts, eg worrying that the person may die within a few years. If they are younger than me, I feel sad that I'll never be that young again. Then it sets me off thinking about how I myself am getting older. Then I worry about how I'll feel when I'm older. For example, I think "when I'm in my 70s or 80s will I be constantly worried about dying?" and "will I be able to enjoy myself when I'm old or will I be too worried?" (Here I'm actually worried that I'll be worried when I'm older - ie I'm worrying about worrying!) I then think how sad/disappointed I'll be if I don't get to do everything I wanted to do during my life. I also worry about what happens when someone dies (in the spiritual sense). I do believe in heaven and spirits, but being a scientifically-minded person I do sometimes get doubts about it, since it is difficult to believe in something when there's not much concrete evidence. The doubts make me feel worse. When I try to ignore these negative morbid thoughts, I then get a nagging feeling saying "doesn't it bother you that you and your loved ones will die one day?" and then the fear starts again. I also sometimes feel guilty about having these morbid thoughts, because it's bad to think about your loved ones dying and yourself dying. It also makes me feel that because I'm so scared of dying, I'm being ungrateful for life. But in reality I am grateful for life and I want to be able to enjoy it without these intrusive negative thoughts. I worry about the speed of time. For example, I can't believe the first 2 months of 2025 are nearly over! I worry "will I get old before I know it?" and "will I be dead and buried before I know it?" Even when there's no specific trigger, I can feel the existential thoughts in the back of my mind all the time, even when I'm doing things I would usually enjoy. I am autistic, and because of that I feel emotionally and mentally younger than my real age, like age dysphoria. All my life, I have felt younger than my real age, even in my childhood and teenage years!

Just feeling down. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and sad about trauma I went through, also about mistakes I’ve made. I just feel so sad and I want to cry. I just want to talk to God so bad.. or my younger self. I have so many questions:( .. I don’t want to victimize myself, but it hurts. Nobody talks about how gross and disgusting you feel after going through seggsual trauma as a kid, and how it messes up your brain sortve .. I will make something of myself no matter what. I think I will just light some sage and rest.. this isn’t the end. I love this world, it’s such a blessing to be here. No matter the good or bad.. I just need to keep that in mind

I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately because my intrusive thoughts aren’t causing as much anxiety as they used to. It almost feels like I’m becoming a little numb to them, and because of that, I’m able to engage with them a bit longer. I don’t feel the usual rush of anxiety to pull away, and in some strange way, I even find myself focusing on them for a few seconds, like I’m actively thinking about them. It’s really stressing me out because I feel like by not feeling that immediate discomfort or anxiety, I’m letting the thoughts stay longer or giving them more power. I feel like part of me almost wants them to be there, and I don’t know if that’s a bad sign? They don’t even feel intrusive. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m just worried that the lack of anxiety is the reason I’m interacting more with these thoughts that would normal scare me. I feel guilt about it later. I am currently withdrawing from medication so that may contribute to this but it’s not the first time I experience this :/

Am I the only one who experiences this, or is it more common than I think? Sometimes, I find myself imagining what a couple’s sex life might look like, or what a person’s body might be like. I think it’s driven by curiosity, and I focus on it for a few seconds. When it comes to family members, teenagers, or anyone I feel uncomfortable imagining in this way, I used to be able to shake it off as an intrusive thought. But lately, I can’t seem to let go of it anymore. I’ve become used to the anxiety, but I’m stuck questioning what this means about me, especially since I’ve taken time to think about it. This is really stressing me out because I feel like a pervert. I’m hoping that this is something more common than I realize and that OCD is just distorting something. I feel like I really need some insight here. Any advice?

i’m so scared im going to lose control and end up locked up or something. this is so exhausting!! i worry that what i have isn’t OCD and that im genuinely insane and im gonna end up in big trouble or that the urges i have are going to actually happen. i dont want to think these things ! i feel like a horrible human being!!

>> Borderline Personality Disorder >> OCD (Suspected) - Pure, Perfectionism, Relationship, P, False Memory, Symmetry, Real Events, and Harm. >> Conversion Disorder >> Panic Disorder >> Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent >> PTSD >> Arthritis/Autoimmune Condition It is so exhausting.....

i am starting NOCD therapy on monday and was just curious on others’ experiences! what happens in your sessions, generally speaking? how do you feel during and after? i’m excited but also nervous to start. i’ve been in talk therapy for years with minimal improvement with my ocd, so im hopeful to start feeling better.

Does anyone else have compulsions that mix in with each other and you have to end up picking what one makes you LESS scared or uncomfortable but it’s still overwhelming? Like rn I used all my hand towels, need to wash and dry them but no clean ones to dry hands with currently, a bath towel makes me feel like whatever was on my hair or body even after a shower is contaminated cause I don’t want it on my HANDS, but there’s one DRY and untouched towel but I think it’s contaminated by something else so I’m too scared to use it…. What do you do in this situation? It happens a lot when they intertwine and I dunno what to do ….. also what one is more or less valid…which one would help me more in the future. Regardless I’m sitting here thinking I have bleach or another chemical on my hands cause at the time I decided to dry my hands with the hair towel…

When I think back on bad memories or mistakes I've made when I was younger, I wish I could start all over again. Sometimes, it gets to a point where I'll start to imagine using a permanent solution. That bothers me even more, honestly. A year ago, I didn't think about these memories daily, weekly, or even monthly. If they did cross my mind, they didn't dictate who I am as a person, then or now. I've been trying really hard not to confess or research because I don't want to go back to that point in my life where it's all I did every single day. I don't want to end things. I'm just tired :(

Sometimes, when I see people in videos, photos, or in person, I intentionally imagine them naked. I’m really freaking out about it and don’t fully understand why I do it. It doesn’t always feel intrusive, sometimes it feels like I’m just taking the time to visualize it, which scares me even more. Can anyone explain what might be happening? Is this just natural curiosity, or something else? I feel really ashamed and don’t know how to handle it. I’m scare it’ll happen with children or family members. Maybe that would be a compulsion at that point but I’m scared

tell me why… idk if this is just me but i’m so scared i have ovarian cancer, kidney stone, kidney failure, UTI, hernia, or something wrong that’s making my lower stomach to my inner thigh and pelvic area. i have an uncomfortable feeling. it was hurting more last night then it is today… everytime i pee it doesn’t hurt but i somewhat still get the uncomfortable feeling down there and feeling in stomach. i’ve been googling and idk what to do because i’m scared of the doctors and i haven’t had a physical like in 2 years and i’m like scared if i go to a physicial i will have something wrong with me like i have cancer or something that i don’t know about. something tells me the pain tho in general is something gastrointestinal related but idk if could mean i have pain down “there”…. i took a tylenol last night it helped a little but then it still kinda occurred and i took a tum and it’s still the same i think it’s still occurring since i’m so hyper focused about it. idk i’m just like ugh my OCD was doing so well i just can’t tell what it is or if something is wrong i’m just scared :( i hate when having certain pains i freak out.