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I’ve been having a good time with my partner laughing, and enjoying time together. But in the back of my mind I wonder why I don’t feel love for him. Like how do I get it back

I feel like I’ve reached such a painful place where everything seems real. I feel like I don’t love him anymore, like I’ve been lying to myself and to him this whole time — and now I’m realizing a terrible truth that I couldn’t accept until now. The thoughts come in like statements, like facts: “You don’t love him,” “It was just habit,” “You’re pretending.” They don’t feel like just thoughts — they feel like reality. And the hardest part is that I don’t feel anything anymore. Just a deep emptiness, numbness, and detachment. I don’t know what love feels like anymore, and because I don’t feel, I start to believe there’s nothing left to feel — maybe there never was. My mom told me that I’m lying to myself, that I’m hurting him and myself, and if I really don’t feel anything, I should end the relationship. She’s overwhelmed, and I know she’s saying these things out of worry for me — but it still hurts. My boyfriend shows me so much love. He really does. He tells me, he shows me, he supports me. And yet… I feel like I can’t respond, like I’m empty inside. That makes me feel like a terrible person. I feel fake, like I’m performing in a life that doesn’t feel real anymore. I’ve read so much about ROCD. I’ve been told over and over again that I need to sit with the thoughts, that I need to accept uncertainty. I know what ERP is, I know the tools. But even with all this knowledge, I feel stuck. It feels like nothing is helping. Like I’m frozen in place, and my only truth is this awful, real-seeming feeling that I don’t love him. I keep thinking: maybe I just liked the idea of love. Maybe I only stayed because he’s a good person. Maybe the love I thought I felt was just me coping and hoping. And now it feels like that hope is gone. I feel so disconnected from everything. I can’t even remember how it felt to love him. I look at our memories and they feel distant, blurry, meaningless. I’m scared. I’m tired. I just want to feel okay again. Please, if anyone has been through something like this — if you understand this storm — I’d love to hear how you kept going. I feel like I’m barely holding on.

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME IM LOSING MY MIND PLEASE Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all!!!! Im so triggered please someone help me!!!

I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving

So I just had like a huge breakthrough. I often look for a feeling when I’m with him. And when I don’t I freak out mentally and it’s weird it’s hard it figure out why. But I was like doing my exposure and thought you know I choose this. I don’t need to do anything about this feeling I choose to love him on facts not feelings. So this doesn’t have to mean ANYTHING, I choose to love him despite knowing he’s not super conventionally attractive. It’s my choice , “what if I really don’t wanna be though” no it’s a choice that can’t be true if it’s a choice that means I do really want to be with him bc I’m still choosing him. If I didn’t wanna be with him I wouldn’t be with him and have no reason not t be. It’s a choice despite how you feel Evry day.

Today, my boyfriend — who usually doesn’t post much — made a really sweet TikTok with me. He used a trend where he called me his princess and posted it on Close Friends. It was thoughtful and loving… but I felt nothing. And that terrified me. Last night, I looked at him while we were lying in bed and had a thought: “I lost feelings. I don’t like him anymore.” It hit me like a wave, and since then I’ve been so scared that this is all the proof I need that I don’t love him. The worst part? I’m not feeling any positive emotions at all. No joy. No spark. No connection. I’ve been trying so hard for so long to feel something — anything — and I just can’t. I’m scared that the numbness means the love is gone. I’m scared I never truly loved him. I’m scared I’ve just been coping all this time, forcing it. I feel like the relationship is fake, like I’m fake, and everything is falling apart. And still… he keeps showing up for me. He’s loving, kind, and consistent. He tells me how much he loves me. But I can’t feel the warmth anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m miserable, I feel like a shell, and I’m terrified that this is my truth — that I don’t love him and I’m just in denial. I need help. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living in this constant fear, panic, and emotional numbness. I don’t know what to trust anymore — the thoughts, the feelings, or the memories that feel blurry. Has anyone felt this too?

No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(

So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.

feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔

hi everyone, i just joined and this is my first time really seeking help for my mental health. i’ve always thought i could handle the thoughts on my own but it’s getting harder every day and starting to becoming debilitating in some aspects of my life. i’m not educated enough on a lot of forms of OCD and i’ve never spoken to a professional (i plan to soon) but i think i may have some form of harm OCD? reading the descriptions of it and learning about others stories, i feel i can safely say i have experienced harm OCD, however the bulk of my thoughts don’t revolve around me hurting someone, instead i have very graphic and intrusive thoughts/ visions of my loved ones dying in all kinds of ways. I obsessively watch my boyfriends location as he drives because i need to be sure he is alive and moving. when he leaves i have to say the same prayer (i am not religious) like a mantra three times. if i see a loved one a “dangerous” situation, say standing at the top of stairs, stepping on rocks at the beach, leaning on a balcony, etc. i will have INCREDIBLY real and vivid images flash in my head of them dying. the images are so graphic and make me have a visceral physical reaction. some images have stuck with me for years and they will “flash” in my head all day, every day. almost every time i shower, walk by a curb, i have a split second image of me or a loved one tripping and hitting my head. i will be sitting on the couch and see the corner of a table and my whole body will shiver hard because i imagined slipping and hitting my head. sometimes this makes me stay up all night because i can’t control or stop the thoughts and i will have a panic attack. I also have always really bad thoughts revolving driving. i drive a LOT and luckily it hasn’t interfered with my ability to do so, but since i started driving almost ten years ago i have had the same little mantra that i repeat three times EVERY time i put the car in drive. i have several items in my car that can not leave or i am convinced something horrible will happen. this year i got a new car and i had horrible panic attacks and anxiety leading up, to the point where i almost considered backing out. i sobbed when i tried to Not transfer my “safety items” from my last car to my new one. i am proud to say that there were a couple items that i was able to throw out, not including a dead, petrified beetle (gross i know) that i have kept 3 different cars (for OCD reasons, im not gross) last thing for this post- for as long as i can remember, i do this thing where i poke my fingernails into my palms very hard until i feel pain so i can assure that im alive. kind of like a “pinch me im dreaming thing”. i will not cut my nails short because when i do, the poking doesn’t “hurt enough” so i cant reassure myself that im alive. i do it every time death is mentioned, i do it every. single. time. a semi truck is driving past me. i do it every time i have an intrusive thought, every time i see a motorcyclist, every time i feel “jinxed”, every time someone is driving too fast, etc. etc. etc. i did not expect to write so much in this first post, it just all kind of came out so if anyone has actually read this, thank you. i think i just want to know what this is and if anyone else has experienced something similar. thank you ❤️

How do you focus on one thing when your mind is always multitasking? I sometimes work better with the TV on and the volume, music playing and working with two computers going (work & creative thoughts). I know how to prioritize and make sure I complete most important first. But when I do not work like above or forced to do it someone's way because my way bothers them to watch, because it looks dysfunc to them or they think it is unorganized it gives me anxiety and extreme stress? I am trying to teach myself now without the pressure, at home alone and I still get the same anxious unproductive result? What does this mean? When I do it my way looking like I have too much in front of me, I am focused. It is my organized way that helps me focus better and get the job done, why is this a problem? It's when I have family over when I am studying for an exam or midterm, I have pictures, my colorful draws, specific notes and sticjy's all over the walls in the dinning area. Several subjects and books spread out on the table... "don't touch nothing! I know it looks messy to you but it's organized for me and the way I study and retain the Information. If it bothers you go into a different room and sit down somewhere.?."

I know I have OCD, but is this a part of moral ocd? I have a huge thing about recycling. I feel guilty if I can't. (Ie, there's an item with food that cant be cleaned out since you have to rinse food off of stuff for it to be recycled). I've genuinely cried over having been given plastic bags instead of purely using reuseable bags. Another time I cried about not having the option to recycle things that were clearly recyclable while I was in the mental hospital. It was a tough week. Everything I have has to be sustainable. My toothpaste, shower soaps, hand soaps, detergent, and everything else has to be recyclable or I'll get upset about it. My toothbrushes are bamboo. Plastic irks me so badly. I want to help the planet and reduce waste. It feels right! But is that ocd? Or am I just weird about recycling? I just feel like a bad person if I can't recycle properly.

Hi, I’m Camila I am 17 yo (I don’t speak English well, sorry) and like 3 months ago I experimented a severe pure ocd, I always think that I am a good person but now I don’t even think I deserve be alive, I keep remembering things from the past and they don’t let me keep going, I already go to a therapist and maybe I am going to a psychiatrist but I don’t think I can be able to handle this, I don’t want live with this and the thought of km is making me considering it :(

Unfortunately, I have been a Care/Case Manager. Although I struggle in school and was directed to become a Social Worker I selected something else. I did that because I did not have faith in SWs. Why, because everyone I had shadowed or worked with did not genuinely care about their work or actually the quality of their help, referrals or resources they'd provided. I have cared about all my past roles and work. Because my work ethics are purposeful. So I don't understand those who do things for ONLY A CHECK or to say I DID IT with no motivation in quality or outcome? That use to bother me. So I never wanted SW. I'm far from a perfect person in career, home and life itself. Don't get me wrong, helping others help themselves is very hard work. I remember when my BFF wanted to go to college for nursing. She was so upset because she thought the work were going to be a step-by-step hand held guide. I said no. She said, you are pretty much reading and studying all this massive information and then tested in it! How do you know you are studying the correct details or information need for the test!? I said, you don't, you just have to makes sure you know and understand and can explain the list from your syllabus. " She said I'm paying to teach myself!? Yes, pretty much. Why do you think I had to have Tudors and I was always on campus still at midnight... She is a LSW now and grumbles like the rest of them. She feels it's all Mental Health and Addiction and does not get any purposeful fullment out of her work. That was what bothered me most about SWs. They loose the inspirational, motivated light in their eyes, their spirit to want to help, to encourage, to be involved to solve and resolve. Of course you don't always have all the answer, everyone can not always be help at each encounter and "the struggle must be a real to you as it is to those who really need your help." My point to ALL OF THIS. I have completed fallen through the cracks. And once again, dependant ONLY on me and my ability. I said to several CMs, SWs and Organization "need help," "211," "United Way," and "findhelp.com or org:" I suppose I have to literally be deaf, intellectually 75+% disable, mentally incapable of making decisions for myself. A certifiable suicide attempts, with active ideation, a master plan to do harm to self and others strategically planned. Also, histories of drug and alcohol abuse with a criminal historical background. In addition to absolute homeless, actively in critical mental and behavioral crisis to pass requirements to get help? You know what is most ironic about it ALL; ever program mission or vision has TO REDUCE HOMELESSNES, SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND MENTAL HEALTH??? Huh? I pretty much have to be all of thee above and actively shooting up, selling myself with abusive marks and malnutritional signs and symptoms to get help. Neurodivergent behavioral does not qualify. I literally overheard a volunteer say to her peers that her son has been diagnosed with ADHD they prescribed him Adderall and all is well now. She walked passed me as if my struggle is not real. Wow. I'm tired. Who was to go through this just to be needy and put out on the street. I don't like asking for help nor holding my hand out. I don't even like expressing "how does that make you feel..." It's obsolete and irrelevant to them genuinely. I can talk to myself ALL DAY LONG, I can ask myself while looking in a mirror and say, "Hey, how does that make you feel." Your feelings do not pay the bills, don't find you the appropriate network or connections for skills and work, and don't prevent homeless. Yes, I do believe in therapy and science, but I do not believe in the genuineness of all HC providers. Especially when you cannot help yourself in that moment and you actually need them. You should hear the statement that comes out of others mouth behind it all. Life is not funny... even when you must have a reason to laugh. While in college, a Preceptor said to us, "OH! Suicide patients burns me. I think they all show get on one island and off each other since they never complain the task." The blew my head off? Then later in life, my experience with it. Helped my understand in another prospective. But I'd never feel that way. Even though I now understand that statement I don't carry that harsh passion behind it. Some people are completed but it does not mean throw them away. It only means YOU can deal or function with it. So it's not them, it's you. Mental health and behavioral HC providers, this take a special individual, with a special kind and caring understanding heart and soul. Because you must not just genuinely care for others but also know how to balance caring for self as well as them. This is a critical balance. That is hard for most. Only the strong will survive some say, most will not sacrifice self. But pretend to GAF. I don't expect that you must sacrifice self, even in a selfless, sometimes unrewarding role. Sometimes, no thank yous, no great job, no recognition of your hard devoted effort. Sometimes not even they appreciation from that person you assisted in helping to land safely in thier crisis. Sometimes, the only reward is, today I did manage to save a life, help a desperate person, find a safe place for someone or got them the help that they needed that comes from only you. Sometimes, if I can just reach out and hold a person hand and genuinely say I'll do what I can ... and mean it. Follow up is very, very important. After, informing everyone I have received my notice to vacate, with no boxes, no movers, no help. It's been very quiet for 8 days now. Last four months, they all wanted life stories, events, all sorts of documentation. Once received, now what? I don't trust anyone but me... I must tell this story because it is significant here. I was a a telehealth group like NOCD during Covid. A guy was telling his story and saying to us that he was unable to trust himself. Those words impacted me so emotionally, I was sad, scared, empathetic toward him and I cried. Didn't expect myself to feel that way. I realized that I would absolutely be lost if I did not trust me. Have the most wonderful rest of you day. And give yourself some grace and smile. Excuse my grammar errors, I do not feel like correcting nothing.

Everyone talks about the physical sensations that come with reacting to sexual content, even if it’s something you do not agree with (like bestiality, pedophilia, or incest). But what about the mental feeling, like when it feels like you liked the thought? I think I might have asked this before, but does anyone else relate? It stresses me out that I have a mental reaction to something of sexual content more than groinals. Anyone else?

I feel like I shouldn’t be with my partner anymore, but I have no clear reason why. I feel sad every single day, I have a constant heaviness in my chest, I cry often, and I start arguments with him. I can’t remember the good memories. Everything feels distant, fake, or tainted. I don’t know why I love him — and all my thoughts tell me that I never truly did, that I only wanted to feel something, and now I finally see the truth. The worst part is that it all feels so real. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel guilty. I can’t feel love right now, but some part of me still wants to hold on, still wants help. I don’t want to make any decisions right now. I just want to know I’m not alone. Has anyone else gone through this?

Hi guys i hope someone will help me with this one. I have fears around suicide/mental health/ depression. From the moment i wake up to a moment iam going to sleep i have these crazy thoughts in my head: what if i will be so sad that i will commit? what if my life has no meaning so i will commit? Also i have this mixed with existential/depressed thoughts like: life has no meaning, why iam doing this it has no meaning. So i cant enjoy litterally anything anymore. I have great day and my mind always trying ti convice me that iam suicidal and nothing is going to be the same. My mind has own patterns and i feel like i cant break it down and i know iam not like this. Also words like: mental health, suicide, mentall illness, sadness trigger me so much. Can someone help me? also i have googling compulsion, i spend 24/7 on this app, watching youtube content.

i have ocd and i got myself a kitten last week on saturday, shes 8 weeks old and that weekend i got her and my mom and i watched donnie darko and girl interrupted and one of the characters from girl interrupted is named daisy and i liked the character i related to her and the other one from the other movie we watched was called donnie darko and the character has the last name darko and i thought it was fitting for my kitten since shes a black cat. so i decided to name my kitten daisy darko since my kitten is a girl. i have a dog named Quinn and i named my dog that years ago bc of some friends i had and i have real even ocd and when it comes to that friend i have this memory i want to confess to my partner but confessing is my compulsion so i cant give in. anyways basically i wanted to change my dogs name because it was reminding me of that memory of that friend im trying to forget that makes me feel guilty but i named the dog years ago so there was no use in changing the name now. i named the cat daisy darko bc of those movies i watched so thats what i tied it to but now days later a memory popped in my head that made me feel guilty because i just remembered my ex girlfriend’s favorite flowers were daisies and now i feel guilty and want to change my kitten’s name but i really loved her name to be daisy darko because of donnie darko and girl interrupted but now i have the guilt of that one memory and im scared it will haunt me everytime i say my cat’s name for the rest of my life that it will remind me of that. i don’t know what to do, if i should change the kitten’s name or not. i feel if i keep the name and feel the guilt of remembering my ex’s favorite flowers and remember that every time i call my kitten or baby talk her ill feel that im being unfaithful to my partner. im so scared i just want to enjoy my new experience with my kitten i love my kitten so much shes been helping me a ton i dont want to resent her like i grew to resent my dog. i love my kittens name and dont want to change it but i want to enjoy her and not feel guilty and have the ocd haunting me every time :( idk what to do. i didnt even want to talk about this bc i was scared if i said it to someone it would make it real and give it life rather than let the thought disappear. i was scared to tell my mom i wanted to change my cats name bc a memory popped up and triggered me, she told me to pick the name carefully so that what happened with my dog’s name didnt happen to my cat. im so upset and want to disappear

Do you perhaps experience things like being so frustrated and numb because of how much your ocd drains you ? Then you are naturally caught up in a compulsion where you’re “physically testing” yourself to lets say something you watched years ago that is usually against your orientation?? If you know what I mean ? Even though you know you are (your own sexuality) and are in a very loving relationship and you really love your partner but does anyone experience this ?? And then they’re faced with more thoughts about how they’ve betrayed their partner and how their partner will leave and if you also struggle with scrupulosity ocd you feel like you’ve committed a huge sin and betrayed your faith ? Again I get all of this goes against values and that the human body may still react to things we naturally may be against but anyone still falls for the testing and then has this awful reaction afterwards? And does that really mean I betrayed my partner ?? Thank you so much for your time and I would really love your insights as this is something that popped up with me out of the blue …