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I feel like I have such passionate interests and a personality that my close family, especially my older sis can see clearly- they say I'm very loud and bright and expressive. (Although sometimes serious and very moody, but that's thanks to mental health.) But I feel as if I can't show myself to anyone else whether it's my favorite cartoons, music, hobbies, or anything like that or who I really am because OCD twists things and tells me that later on people who don't like me or others will expose my favorite things, or make fun of me and ruin the things that I love for myself and in general I just feel super exposed + along with other fears. Also it messes with some of my specific OCD subtypes. Does anyone else feel that way ? But at the same time I feel as if I don't show myself, I get scared people will see me as this instead or that (Which people has done before. They'd say I'm the opposite of this, or my personality is this or I seem like that which isn't true and I get stressed.) And I feel as if it's now MANDATORY for me to show who I really am so I do so forcefully but then later on I may feel a bit exposed and it just doesn't feel good. Also feels forced and unnatural whenever I try to be me. Like I'm in class right now and it does not feel good whatsoever like usual I just feel so awkward and miserable. (Well I was when typing this, now I've been out.) I have shared my interests to my friends in the past and occasionally still do, and at school I'm supposed to do presentations about me (which I HATE !) And especially since my classmates see what I like, most of the time I try my best not to say too much, and I just feel like I'm stripping myself in a way or showing off the most personal info ever even though it's nothing. I only feel comfortable with showing my true self to my family or oddly strangers ? Like YOU GUYS in this app, it's so comforting sharing myself since you guys don't know me and everyone here has OCD so in a way we all are already supportive towards one another. And the same goes to other kind strangers. (Unless if my bad socially anxiety hits me but that's a completely different thing..) I guess I only feel this awful fear with people that are from my school or friends (which is odd, but also for some reasons as well) and on social media definitely unless if it's maybe Tumblr or Pinterest. (For when it comes to posting my drawings or favorite things and what not.) I do feel like this is the case STRONGLY due to Real event OCD. I used to overshare so much about me to the point it got quite dangerous or concerning, whether it was compulsive confessing or rambling about my past interest which was my ex since I only really hung out with him and couldn't do anything else, spoiler alert WAS AN AWFUL IDEA, and now I'm WAY too paranoid and horrified to even say something as simple as what's my favorite animal. (Guinea pigs by the way, :^) but it's you guys so it's not scary.) And I keep ruminating about the past oversharing and now think too much about my interactions or how much I show my true self nowadays. You know?

I have been at college for a semester, and most of it hasn’t been a shock: the academic side of it has been pretty easy, my social life is going genuinely well and there’s not much I can complain about. But, I was one of the highest people in my class during Highschool, and there’s been a large change in a few things since I’ve come to college. My academic performance is the same if not better in college than it was in high school, but I go to a very, very large college with more than 30k students. So, there’s a lot more people around my level. So, when u apply for on campus jobs, or really anything regarding the school, it’s a lot harder to get: my competition was a lot less in high school. Now I‘ve applied to around 9 on campus jobs, and all of them have rejected me. Even when some of them had a 50% acceptance rate. I’m now getting in my head, worrying that if I don’t get a prestigious on-campus job relating to tutoring or something similarly difficult, I’ll be an Academic failure, and no one will want to hire me after college. Even though I’m only in my freshman year, these applications feel like they have a lot of weight and are a lot more difficult than those in high school. Has anyone else had a similar experience? If so, what have you done to comfort yourself when one rejection comes after another?

Hello everyone! I haven't been on here for a while, but I've been doing better. While I'm far from being healed, I've come a very long way and I feel like my OCD is almost dormant now (thankfully). Holidays, which I used to dread ( because lots of free time + staying at home = recipe for disaster when it comes to OCD ) went just fine, I even had a good time. I'll share down below the tips that have helped me the most during my journey and that I hope will be of some help to you if you're struggling: 1. Understand that the goal isn't to not listen to OCD because it's "wrong", but because going about things in an OCD way is unfruitful: This sounds terrifying, but is ultimately what's going to free you. If you go on with the belief that you shouldn't listen to OCD because it lies, you will always, in your moments of weakness, seek reassurance, analyze, try to disprove the thought because you assign meaning to the content. If you refuse to engage in OCD because you recognize that OCD-style solving is unfruitful, endless and will NEVER make you reach an answer, you will resist OCD no matter the content, because you're not trying to beat the theme, you're trying to beat the process. Once you short circuit that process, the OCD subsides. 2. Avoid ChatGPT/any equivalent COMPLETELY: as a general rule of thumb, avoid talking to conversational AI about your personal feelings completely. You just get sucked into this weird dependency and not to mention, AI was what fed my OCD in the first place. AI can't be your therapist, it is not trained to diagnose/help you navigate OCD even if it might seem like it, and even if it claims not to "give you reassurance", in reality it will most of the time. As I said ChatGPT is not a trained therapist. 3. Avoid OCD communities: I know this might sound counter intuitive and ironic since I'm posting on NOCD but I think this was what helped me the most. You're already suffering and you're not equipped to deal with people's heavy stories, everyone needs support but you need to recognize that most of the time we're not equipped to handle that additional load, and it's okay. Not to mention scrolling through OCD subs and communities can be compulsive, and I found that for me it put OCD at the fore front of my life. Once I stopped logging in, life went back to "normal", OCD no longer felt like a defining part of my character. I think it's reassuring to know that you're not alone out there, but I don't feel like logging on here daily/often is very helpful to us. 4. (If possible) Avoid staying at home/being sedentary: of course, ideally we'd want to be able to just stay at home and relax without having the OCD threat loom over us but when you're in the early stages of OCD, being sedentary will not help you at all. Of course I recognize that not everyone has the luxury to go out for various reasons, but if you can, take your daily activities outside: instead of studying at home go to your local library/cafe (this is what helps me the most). Also, avoid doomscrolling and bedrotting as much as you can. They're not good habits in general but it's even more important to kill those habits when you're an OCD sufferer. 5. Living by these: Even if accepting them feels hard at first: thoughts are just thoughts, the content doesn't matter when it comes to OCD and your values manifest through your actions. Of course, I don't live by them in a compulsive way meaning, I don't need to repeat them to myself when I get anxious, but they're beliefs I just live by. They're on the back of my mind. I know them to be truths and I hold on to them but I try my best not to turn them into compulsions. Also, as someone who only got OCD recently, pre-OCD "me" serves as a benchmark whenever I feel like my thoughts mean significant things about me. I recall having weird thoughts and not assigning any meaning to them back then and I strive to go back to that state of mind, or at least get as close as I can to it. 6. Sleep and diet: I cannot STRESS this enough. I had a couple of days post-op where I couldn't get much sleep because of the pain (wisdom teeth) and where I couldn't eat much, and I noticed my OCD flaring up especially bad during that time. As soon as I went back to my normal sleeping/eating habits, my anxiety levels went down significantly and I was back to normal, my pre-op self. So make sure to not neglect these two please. 7. Not neglecting yourself: I know this isn't easy for a lot of us, especially those with comorbid illnesses like depression, and I don't want this to sound tone-deaf, but if possible, don't neglect yourself. Don't give up on the things you love to do, keep your little routine, dress up, take care of yourself, even if you feel undeserving, even if it feels hard. Don't let OCD take that away from you. 8. Don't run away from discomfort, trust yourself to handle it: I know this also sounds obvious of course, but even if you do understand that, it's not always easy to put it in practice. Even if I knew that my goal wasn't to kill the anxiety, I still did it because I felt terrified. But I think ultimately, what OCD takes away from you and that you need to reestablish, is self trust. Trust yourself to ride that anxiety wave. Trust yourself to know you don't need to answer the OCD question. Even if it's hard, try to trust yourself as much as you can. That's all I have in mind for now, these are the tips that really helped me fight OCD with all of my might. And I wish you the best of luck too, OCD is tough but you're tougher, and it can get better. If you have questions don't hesitate to ask. Cheers everyone!

This morning my boyfriend and I were waiting for public transport. A bus was standing slightly to the left of us. A group of women got off the bus and walked behind it, passing along the side. My boyfriend turned his head and looked in that direction. To me, it looked very clearly like he was looking at the women the 2 woman look too at him. After that, he looked back at me in a way that felt strange to me, which increased my anxiety. When I asked him about it, he said he was not looking at the women but at the bus, and that he looked confused because no other bus was coming (my bus was to late) and the other bus that stand there on this bus had “empty trip” written on it. That was his explanation for why he looked at me in a strange way. For me, it looked like he was looking strangely because the women were looking at or smiling at him – I’m not sure. but he said he don’t look at them but his had was exactly hin the direction of the woman If he had been looking at the bus with that head movement, he would have had to turn his eyes very far to the left. Even though his explanation can be plausible, I have a hard time believing it because my perception of the situation felt very different and very clear to me. I want to bring this up with my boyfriend again, but I’m not sure whether this is normal insecurity or if it might be more like Relationship OCD I generally have problems trusting – can this be caused by ROCD? idk what do to .. i don’t feel well my boyfriend ist My boyfriend is generally a very good and loyal partner.

There's this man that I finally gave a chance. Before I was told things about him that he's going around messing with everyone this and that and so I was like nevermind I shouldn't talk to him cause I'll break my own heart. One day 2 or 3 weeks ago I finally give him a chance. It feels like we're dating.first man to take my virginity and I stay over at his house almost everyday and have been more recently due to my job cutting people's hours because of the new year something like that. I've always thought this man was hot and we went out to dollar general together I felt fine and happy. I live in a small town so you know how that goes where everyone knows everyone basically and I absolutely hate it. Well we go to McDonald's and I see the people I use to work with and they're the same people that warned me not to speak with him and now I feel like every time we go out in public I feel embarrassed to be seen with him. When you talk to him alone he's sweet and doesn't seem like what everyone says. I don't want to feel this way. I also,as usual overthink every guy I've talked to if I really like them or not. This has cause me anxiety and has causes me to constantly check on google,reddit,and quora. From what I read online, people say to let the person go or that it's our own insecurity. I would to add that we just went to mcdonald's last night and another worker I know made a comment telling me to be careful and was giving me that look. I don't want to care what anyone thinks of me with him but I do

Hello, I have been struggling with this disorder for about 5 years, the last few were better albeit my doc increased my medication to 120mg. Anywho, now that I understand the ‘who, what, why, how’ It would benefit me greatly to restart my sessions. I do not have insurance that is eligible so $240 twice a week or even every week is rough. Any suggestions on how to make the price more reasonable? I can maybe afford half that

I have been in a toxic relationship for years. To the point where I moved from my home with my partner. I have OCD and he has anger problems which came out because of my OCD. I guess . Anyways we live separately now. And we are both in therapy and working on stuff. However his anger issues are hard to look past. It's hard to determine if this time will actually change that aspect of him. Question's flood my mind . Will he yell at me again if we live together again in future, will this happen or that. I can work on my OCD but it will never go away fully .. The fear his anger put in me sucked. He never hit me but he's been pretty shitty. And I of course have said some shitty things . I feel guilty that my mind questions things so much now that we are actively trying and don't know if it's my OCD or my actual thoughts.. Age 33(f) him 35(m) Also I think he has undiagnosed ocd

Hey everyone! I’ve struggled with anxiety and fear of things all my life. When i was very little i would always cry at the possibility of my loved ones passing away. I’d cry over the thought of a flood or hurricane or volcano explosion in my state. Ever since i could remember i would think about these things all the time and my family would have to tell me 20 times in a row that these things weren’t likely to happen. The likely hood still drove me crazy. I’m 22 now and it seems to be getting worse by the day. My health anxiety is through the roof. Still triggered by the other things but right now, my loop is my health. I can’t even have a weird breath happen without me freaking out about it for the rest of the week. I bought my oura ring, a pulse monitor and blood pressure cuff due to the fact that i need to know what’s happening in my body at all times. There’s been multiple times this week i almost drove to the hospital cause i just felt like “something was wrong.” I was diagnosed a few months ago with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and slight bipolar disorder as well. I was on Fluoxetine starting when i was probably 10 to when i turned 18. I cold turkey quit and didn’t realize the potential of OCD until 2024. Anyone have any experience with OCD medication that won’t worsen my other diagnosis. Any comments are appreciated. I’m living my life in fear every single day and I’m so tired.

This vent post may contain triggers for those with ROCD. Please read with caution! First, it's important to state that I'm currently not in a relationship and haven't been in one for more than a year. There is the potential for me going back into a long distance relationship that ended well, and we were always friends after. Our relationship was deep, filled with love, and we were ENM. This would likely continue if we dated again. Problem is. Either due to my flaring OCD or having a year away from this decade old relationship, I am starting to experience unpleasant feelings that I wanted to escape from in the first place. Guilt, Jealousy, Fear and Shame. There's a part of me questioning if I want someone to just want me, and for me to only want them. But I have never liked the idea of treating someone as a possession. These are personal, and I understand that not everyone will understand. My other concern is potentially falling in love with someone who wishes to remain exclusive, only for months or years later, start questioning if what I really wanted was to go back to that old lifestyle. It's important to note, these were never about sex. Only the ability to treasure and love more than one person. Due to my OCD, a large part of the guilt I experienced when I was younger was due to the guilt over finding other people attractive when I was in monogamous relationships. I would never cheat on a partner in my life, just to assure you I'm not someone who would go behind someone's back to fulfill my own romantic or physical needs. It made me so guilty that it would affect my personality. I would become very sheepish, depressed and extremely over apologetic. I discovered that an open relationship, or ENM, actually helped fix this. Because by being open about finding people attractive or having feelings for someone else, it actually removes those feelings because of the levels of trust, openness and honesty. But now those old feelings are back. I worry I'd be jealous of my partner if they went to visit their other partner. I worry that it would grow like a cancer until I wouldn't be fit enough to be in a monogamous or non-monogamous role. Always by myself, unable to feel true happiness with a partner or partners. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone, but why am I so willing to hurt myself? Anyway. Sorry about the long rant. I know not everyone will be able to empathise with this, but it has been truly bothering me and I hope you will be able to read this as a man with a different lifestyle, agonising over the fact. I think I will open up and talk to this old flame of mine I might end up dating again. I don't want to hide this from them, and I think this will be a case of being honest and open instead of raw confessing.

Hi all. I’m kinda losing my marbles rn I don’t feel very anxious I just keep constantly googling lately and overthinking things I see online and wonder if someone else’s story is mine. As a kid, maybe like 10-12 ish yrs old I liked being called he for some reason but idk it kinda faded. Idk why. It’s blurry. I don’t remember anymore. And after I graduated elementary school I became more comfortable in being a woman and finding my style, etc. idk maybe I was looking for words to describe smthn. Idk. Eventually I stopped. When this happened I told my mom I was bigender, I still liked being a girl, but I don’t think I fully understood the term I’ll be honest. I don’t think I felt like a boy. What does that even feel like? I liked hanging out with the boys cuz they were the only ones who actually liked the same things as me (video games, playing in the snow and dirt and writing cool stories to play at recess) and in most of my interactions before and after that I was a girl. So idk what happened in that point of time and yknow I thought it was just a normal part of growing up etc cuz it happens for some people. Maybe I was curious. I kinda left that part of me behind knowing it was there but I grew out of it. I’m worried now that the past is the real me and this version of me is a liar and a fake and I don’t actually like being a woman etc. I’m worried I’m suppressing smthn. I’m worried I don’t like how I look in the mirror. Even if I say ooo I look cute in this and I love this dress or smthn it feels not genuine. This was causing me a lot of physical anxiety over the holiday break when I was at home with family. Now I don’t feel anxiety but I keep googling ahit like “How do I know if I like my AGAB” “Does gender euphoria have to be intense as a cis person?” “Is it ok and normal to feel neutral about being my AGAB day to day but have it change when I dress up in a different outfit?” “How do I know if I’m suppressing being trans” “Trans ocd vs genuine questioning” “I was a tomboy growing up but I’m not anymore does that mean I am secretly trans and hid that?” “How do I know if I like my AGAB and my pronouns or if I’m just very used to them?” Idk anymore I’m so tired I don’t feel anxious at all. I’m just scrolling and scrolling. It did keep me up about 2 nights ago. Had the worst sleep of my life Idk. I like being a woman. I like being referred to as she/her I’m pretty sure?? I’m used to it yeah, but I love being called princess or his girl by my bf or pretty or beautiful, even if it is a little cringe sometimes lol. It took some time to warm up to but now I’m worried that me being a little anxious and put off by the nickname is evidence. (idk I’m not used to pet names, the last time a partner gave me a pet name it was smeagol. From lord of the rings. Yeah. Nah.). I like having female friends and being seen with them. I like being one of the girls after being ostracized for so long as a kid cuz I liked dragons and video games and playing in the dirt. But what if I’m lying and deep down inside I don’t want to be a woman? Idk I’m scared I’m worried I’m stressed. I like to switch up my style now and then and trying new styles makes me happy cuz I like to try new things. Smthn punk ish one day for a concert or a protest shirt another or a cardigan and jeans all give me a little happy tingle and that feels right cuz that’s me, I’d like to try more tomboyish styles so I’ve saved some on Pinterest but I have no funds lol. I feel good in those but I’m worried it’s a lie. What if I just like being seen as an attractive woman but don’t actually feel that way? I think I feel like I’m an attractive woman. I feel really pretty and confident. A little anxious cuz I don’t usually get done up for classes or anything so it’s a bit odd lol. I feel good in how I look and my style. All of it is me. So I don’t usually have those happy tingles unless it’s a new thing for me. I didn’t have the tingle with my prom dress but I loved it. It was gorgeous and I felt like a princess but I’m worried I’m now lying to myself and I don’t actually like anything I’ve ever worn or my style and that everything I have saved in my Pinterest boards isn’t me and is just a lie cuz I’m forcing myself to deny something. I have my insecurities sure. My breasts are too small, I have some stress acne that I’ve been picking at that I hate, I feel like I’m too skinny and want some curves and some weight, I’m worried my face is too masculine, does my hair look right? What about my eyebrows? My makeup? Yknow that stuff. I don’t hate my body. I love it. After years of being insecure about it sure. But I got there and the thought of being a liar to myself and the thought of changing it freaks me out a little. I don’t think I want that like ever. I don’t want anything. I’m happy for trans people obviously but I don’t want what they have. I just want my body to change as a woman. But I’m scared that when my frontal lobe develops and locks in I’ll change my mind and actually hate being a woman or smthn. I feel like k need to figure out now if I’m trans, non binary or whatever the fuck. I don’t think I’m either or a secret third thing. Sorry for the long ramble I needed this out. I’m tired.

Pure OCD: Hello members of the NOCD community! I feel I have pure ocd because I used get these thoughts of the devil, and images in my mind of it, I used to have to go out to wash my face with light. I fear I have pure OCd and want to know if I do. Perfectionism OCD: When I was a child I used to have to check my room to see if everything is the same, and having to check if the lights were turned on. A lot of repetitive thing. Yes, many of you aren’t therapist, but some of you do have OCD, so please let me know if these are possible signs of OCD.

is being terrified to eat bc of pain after/the sensation of being full and the compulsion of not eating potentially just somatic ocd? my doctor thought/thinks i have a stomach ulcer and she gave me meds for it? the meds made it hurt worse at first but i started to feel better when the meds were almost gone... and then the meds were gone and it felt normal bad again... i told her and she gave me the meds but for longer this time and i did not take them in full because i couldnt get over the increase of pain it causes in the start. all this to say, my doctor thinks its medical which is fine, it may be, as i do often feel pain after eating, and im not sure how normal that is... however, i think there is an equal part of it that is mental whether that be ocd and/or anorexia... maybe it wouldn't feel so bad to eat if i ate more often but im terrified to because it hurts and i dont want it to, id rather avoid it.

For the past 3 years of my life I’ve been having phases of me obsessing over my breathing. At first I thought I had a lung problem or some type of health issue, I always knew I had OCD but I didn’t know it could spread to my physical body instead of my brain. I would feel short of breath, almost like I can’t get a good amount of air in. I’d constantly think about my breathing night and day all the time. I’ve done every test, I’ve always been told I’m fine which feels worse when you’re drowning. I’d take prednisone and think it was fixing my breathing and it would go away then I’d find something else to obsess over and basically my brain would get tired of my obsession and it would come back to obsessing over my breathing again. I’m starting to realize it’s my OCD. I’m on Medicare and it’s hard to find a therapist who specializes in OCD. Does anyone feel like this? And what can I do to fix it? I want to live again and not just survive. ❤️

Hi, I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this and has any advice for me. Since I’ve been having a flare up, I wake up very early (around 4:30-5am) with a racing heart, sweats, shakes, severe anxiety, basically I feel like I am in fight or flight. I am so tired, I have tried meditation, but I end up laying in bed playing multiple meditations until it’s time to get out of bed. I just want to be able to sleep the night, and not wake up in a full blown panic.

Okay first of all, I read all of the responses from last post for when it came to advice for school mental stress since OCD flares up extremely horribly there and my stress spikes up by 1000x Most advice was to see a guidance counselor and ask for accommodations and to just have breaks there as well. As much as I thank you guys LOTS really for taking your time to mention that, I did mention that going for that specific option wouldn't work due to the fact that there has been a time where I have been called in to the counselors due to a survey I had to take for mental health- they did mention a plan but it'd involve with calling my parents and putting down tons of info and I was just not wanting that, I felt quite overwhelmed and I don't want to do anything of that sorts, not until college. I'm also not officially diagnosed on anything despite therapists and doctors mentioning high concerns for OCD, anxiety and stuff like. My old schooled parents don't think anythings wrong with me and after decades of experiecing this disorder I've learned to mask really well so no one thinks I'm at high concern even when I try to express that I'm going through it, except my older sibling really and other close people. I also have mentioned to my teachers that I'm not good with talking to others whenever they give students the option to tell their dos and don't but it ends up not changing anything. I can't do anything too drastic since that'd just overwhelm me more, that's why I save it for college since by then I could hopefully be diagnosed or at least on the path to diagnoses and since I'm leaving High-school in a year and a half anyways. Lastly, many things I can't change some aspects of the stress at all such as going to the bus- it's awfully crowded in the mornings and there's been many times where I have humiliated myself since I had to look for a spot and if there wasn't any the driver has yelled for people to make space and I'd had to cram in, it's extremely stressful and I've expressed it to my family but they can't do anything about it due to work but I also can't just not go. Same with changing classes, it then leads to more change and I don't like that and overall it's just a process. --- RANT PART: Okay now to still rant, I do hate this BADLY. As I said above the bus made me stress out really bad this morning and I felt sick, it wasn't as crowded today though so thank goodness but it may be in the future . I obviously have been masking pretty good throughout this day, I've made my friend laugh and had some good conversations and I've been pretty decent with not crying silently or fully going nuts in my head. But my ENGLISH CLASS. OH MY GOODNESS, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS I GENUINELY ALMOST started full on smashing my desk (not really but figuratively) I was so overstimulated. Basically the teacher went over rules yadda yadda, and I'd estimate we had to do 10 different partner and group activities throughout the ENTIRE class and along with a physical activity outside the class and made us do it infront of all of our other classmates- and with my slow self I just awkwardly did it and ended up messing up one of the rules which was embarrassing. And this is how it'll be EVERY SINGLE DAY I HAVE THAT CLASS . She made us last sem read and every chapter go outside the class for a "Walk and Talk" and talk to a classmate about something either personal or about the book. She makes us greet our partner by their name and high-five them when we leave, along with follow up questions I HATE IT ! And she calls us out whenever we don't do it so it pressures me and ugh no no I can't do it. But I have to so I just start hyping myself up in my head whenever the class starts. Rest of my classes are decently okay. Tomorrow I have weight training PE and have to make a group of 4 each time and that's really stressful. Hopefully my new friend from last sem PE is there so I can have someone to be in a group with, but if not I'm over. That's all I have to say for now, wish me luck guys I still have 3 hours left ! 😔 Thankfully I'm in study hall right now so that's like a break for me and I can calm myself down. Intrusive thoughts and OCD is still biting me but that's how it is. (I have listened to your guy's other advice though :^) drawing right now since it's break.)

Okay first of all, I read all of the responses from last post for when it came to advice for school mental stress since OCD flares up extremely horribly there and my stress spikes up by 1000x Most advice was to see a guidance counselor and ask for accommodations and to just have breaks there as well. As much as I thank you guys LOTS really for taking your time to mention that, I did mention that going for that specific option wouldn't work due to the fact that there has been a time where I have been called in to the counselors due to a survey I had to take for mental health- they did mention a plan but it'd involve with calling my parents and putting down tons of info and I was just not wanting that, I felt quite overwhelmed and I don't want to do anything of that sorts, not until college. I'm also not officially diagnosed on anything despite therapists and doctors mentioning high concerns for OCD, anxiety and stuff like. My old schooled parents don't think anythings wrong with me and after decades of experiecing this disorder I've learned to mask really well so no one thinks I'm at high concern even when I try to express that I'm going through it, except my older sibling really and other close people. I also have mentioned to my teachers that I'm not good with talking to others whenever they give students the option to tell their dos and don't but it ends up not changing anything. I can't do anything too drastic since that'd just overwhelm me more, that's why I save it for college since by then I could hopefully be diagnosed or at least on the path to diagnoses and since I'm leaving High-school in a year and a half anyways. Lastly, many things I can't change some aspects of the stress at all such as going to the bus- it's awfully crowded in the mornings and there's been many times where I have humiliated myself since I had to look for a spot and if there wasn't any the driver has yelled for people to make space and I'd had to cram in, it's extremely stressful and I've expressed it to my family but they can't do anything about it due to work but I also can't just not go. Same with changing classes, it then leads to more change and I don't like that and overall it's just a process. --- RANT PART: Okay now to still rant, I do hate this BADLY. As I said above the bus made me stress out really bad this morning and I felt sick, it wasn't as crowded today though so thank goodness but it may be in the future . I obviously have been masking pretty good throughout this day, I've made my friend laugh and had some good conversations and I've been pretty decent with not crying silently or fully going nuts in my head. But my ENGLISH CLASS. OH MY GOODNESS, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS I GENUINELY ALMOST started full on smashing my desk (not really but figuratively) I was so overstimulated. Basically the teacher went over rules yadda yadda, and I'd estimate we had to do 10 different partner and group activities throughout the ENTIRE class and along with a physical activity outside the class and made us do it infront of all of our other classmates- and with my slow self I just awkwardly did it and ended up messing up one of the rules which was embarrassing. And this is how it'll be EVERY SINGLE DAY I HAVE THAT CLASS . She made us last sem read and every chapter go outside the class for a "Walk and Talk" and talk to a classmate about something either personal or about the book. She makes us greet our partner by their name and high-five them when we leave, along with follow up questions I HATE IT ! And she calls us out whenever we don't do it so it pressures me and ugh no no I can't do it. But I have to so I just start hyping myself up in my head whenever the class starts. Rest of my classes are decently okay. Tomorrow I have weight training PE and have to make a group of 4 each time and that's really stressful. Hopefully my new friend from last sem PE is there so I can have someone to be in a group with, but if not I'm over. That's all I have to say for now, wish me luck guys I still have 3 hours left ! 😔 Thankfully I'm in study hall right now so that's like a break for me and I can calm myself down. Intrusive thoughts and OCD is still biting me but that's how it is. (I have listened to your guy's other advice though :^) drawing right now since it's break.)

Just had a very inaproppriate intrusive thought while I had an intimate moment, I do not know how to deal with it. I feel like a monster, I never experienced sexual intrusive thoughts, and this one is actually disgusting. What bothers me the most is the moment when it happened. I will not name it, but is it something that I should talk about with my partner? Or move on? But I feel like talking about it would do good.

Hi everyone, I haven’t been on here in ages lol. I hope everyone’s doing okay 🫶🏾. Just a little update on how I’m doing. The therapist/tutor I used to have on a certain day a long while ago doesn’t take me out of lessons anymore. I remember we had a final session where she asked if the sessions helped and if I wanted them to continue. I said they really did help, and she said she’d look into it, though it might not be her. After that, I never got another therapist/tutor, which was kind of strange. But that was a while ago now. I also had a really close online friend who I talked to every single day, no matter what. We had such a strong connection (at least in my opinion). Sadly, she can’t talk to me anymore because of her strict parents, and we haven’t spoken in over a month now. It really hurts, and I miss her a lot. I just hope she’s doing okay :( I know this rant isn’t really about OCD, but I just wanted to get it out. My OCD is still there, but I can cope with it a bit better now. For example, when I’m watching TikToks, my mind tells me to read loads of comments exactly and check how many likes they have. It’s so annoying, especially doing that every scroll 🫩. I don’t want to do it, but my mind’s like, “Do it or you’ll regret it later.” Even when I’m getting changed for school, I have to make sure all my clothes are perfectly placed in my wardrobe before I leave the room. Sometimes when an OCD thought comes in, I tell myself, “Ignore it, what’s actually going to happen if you don’t read that comment?” I haven’t really opened up about this, but I had a really close best friend back in Year 7 and 8. I’m in Year 10 now, and I still randomly think about her and how much she’s changed. Seeing her around school is really awkward now, it’s like we were never close, even though we were. We just pass each other in the corridors. One day I told her she’d changed a lot and barely texted me anymore (and i thought this relationship isn't really going as well as it used too). She just laughed. We’re not enemies or friends now, and I don’t think there’s any hate, but I honestly don’t know. I think my problem is that I can’t move on. No matter what I do, I just can’t. Now I miss my online best friend who felt like a sister to me, and I lost one of my closest friends a long time ago too. If you’ve read all of this, thank you so much for reading until the end. Even if you haven’t, you still mean so much to me, and I love you all deeply. Please stay safe and try to stay strong and resilient when things aren’t going your way. I still get thoughts about the past and feel emotional sometimes, and you can probably see it on my face. I’m really quiet in real life, and I struggle to keep conversations going, if I even start one, it usually lasts two minutes and feels awkward. Sorry for ranting so much, and you probably didn’t read all of this lol. I probably won’t use the app much, but I’ll check in every now and then. I only remembered it because of a random TikTok. I hope everyone who helped me on here in the past is doing really well. See you everyone. :)

Hey guys, I haven’t posted in a longtime but I suffer from ocd/adhd and am constantly in my head. I also have severe social anxiety. Last year I started a new job in medical and called out a lot due to being sick constantly I guys my immunize system was in shock idk. But Wednesday last week i started to feel so much pressure in my face and basically was sick where my face was pounding and my vertigo is terrible. I’m going back to work tomorrow and I can’t get out of my head about tomorrow I’m worried everyone’s mad at me and I’m being talked about. Please give advise I’m really fighting anxiety hard today

(31 year old male) I struggle with retroactive jealously. It’s irrational and I know it is but my mind can’t seem to stop the mental theatrics. Me and my current girlfriend of just over a year went to college together so we know of the same people. I was in a long relationship with my now ex during that time, I never knew my current girlfriend during those years in college. Recently, through a transparency discussion - I found out that she had sexual history with someone I consider to be a friend. Not in my direct close friends, but someone that I had regular interaction with. She obviously did nothing wrong, I was with someone else - we didn’t know eachother, shes got just as much of a right as me to be with someone else in that time of our life. My ocd doesn’t care and it’s exhausting. I find myself ruminating and going through mental movies of what they did together in the past. This is admittedly paired with my own insecurities which is the worst part. I have always considered myself underweight and it’s easy to fall into comparisons with her previous partners. Another part of this is, I am a mixed man (black and white), who was raised by a white single mother and I had little to no connection with my father - this has always left me with a feeling of disconnectedness with my blackness. Paired with I never had the mental strength to progress in sports past recreation, it’s really tough to find out that my now girlfriend had previous intimacies with overseas basketball players and the friend I mentioned above was at our college for football. I fall into allowing myself to go down the rabbit holes of being inadequate, or the assumption that those previous people must be bigger than me, able to satisfy her more than I could? She’s done nothing to feed this thought, and thankfully I haven’t gotten to the point where I directly ask size comparisons. But my mind won’t let me just let it go. It’s clearly associated with childhood insecurities. I don’t get complaints in the bedroom, I’ve always considered myself above average but it’s easy to make assumptions because of the extremes of pornography. I recognize how pornography is an issue and have completely stopped watching now that I’m faced with this. I just wonder if this is something I will ever be able to get over? This girl is perfect for me in so many aspects, it feels stupid to be this caught up on something that objectively shouldn’t matter. She may have had dealt with more people in the past than I’d like (12), but she still is very submissive to me and it doesn’t feel like there is any residual tendencies that she adopted from other men. Such a long post, and I could go into more context but I just wanted to post my struggle because I know I’m not the only one out here dealing with this.