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I think I might going through a romantic orientation crisis because I don’t really know who I do or don’t get it to and I’ve thought I only saw women to be in a relationship with but idk anymore. I have this feeling and thought about me mb getting to a man later down the road but what I’m trying to do is just use uncertainty and use the phrases mb I will mb I won’t, but I guess we will see. It’s pretty nerve wracking icl.
I don't understand why the thought of me being gay or bi is so uncomfortable and and I just don't want to be. I have never cared if someone else is because that's not my business and I'm glad they are happy in there skin. I often wonder if I'm like this because I'm in denial. I wish I could just know and except myself. Anyone else feel this way?
I’m start to feel like I’m drowning. I’m totally losing myself and I miss who I used to be…
How do you guys stop a cumpulsion when you have already done it a few times? Got somewhat of a clear answer but realize you doing cumpulsions and need to stop
Oh shoot, I had started a journal to keep track of my thoughts and what my ocd made me do/think that day, I did it for 3 days and now, 13 day later, I just remembered it again. 🤦♀️
Feels like i keep Identifing with things that are either nonsensical or things I don't align with and when im confused i dont want others picking an identity for me. I also feel like im rushing to get somewhere too like im behind in my life, i have to let that go it isn't helping me at all its making me progressively worse. Im too latched onto my phone too keep getting distracted with tiktok and IG back to back.
Sometimes…I have intrusive thoughts that are just really, really…sad. And I don’t know how to address them.
I realized that personally I don’t doubt my sexuality at all. It’s the doubt I think other people have about it that puts me in doubt. That’s the only thing that’s preventing me from recovering 100%. I’m always scared I’m giving the wrong vibes or that I’m too feminine, without realizing it’s just the stereotype I’m afraid of, but not what doing or being those things mean. The thought of other people thinking I’m g*y terrifies me, but I know for a fact that’s not what I think of myself.
My boyfriend wants answers to how I feel because I’ve been so uncertain with my feelings due to my ROCD. And I fear I’m not sure if it’s all ROCD. I don’t want to lie to him about my feelings since I’m unsure right now because of my instructive thoughts but I have to respect his feelings. Really not sure what to do in this situation. I love him and see my future with him but my mind always seems to find a problem with him and makes me think this may not be what I want.
reddit is so triggering but i try to delete it but end up redownloading it i don’t know how to stop it
It sucks going from having clarity to feeling terrible and being convinced the thoughts are true.
I was diagnosed with ocd last week and I’m struggling with HOCD. I’m a straight male and my brain keeps telling me I’m gay and it makes me question everything that I’ve done in my past. I’ve just had a breakup with a girl who I was with for 4 years because our mental health wasn’t great but it’s really triggered me. I’m struggling to feel emotion when talking to girls or just to feel anything atm is this normal for ocd sufferers
I need some f**** break from health anxiety. Please. I also need some break from OCD.
Confused..... whether or not... Places like house, building or even neighborhood or society around a person also have a role to play in OCD Like living in a semirural drains out my creativity and interests and gives a kind of lurking fear Staying at posh areas has a positive impact ....
Oh god it feels like it’s real I feel like I’m losing myself or like the world is ending maybe this is it, maybe that’s just who I am
Does anyone else scared that their ocd will become real? Or that it will convince you 100% that it’s real
I go through phases where I can tolerate my OCD and let the intrusive thoughts be there and I can function. Other times I get aware that they are there and it drives me crazy. Difficult slippery slope
People with avoidance compulsions: have you found that when you start doing the things your ocd makes you want to avoid, you start to like those things again, or do you still just do it uncomfortably with uncertainty? When I first started erp for SOOCD, my goal was to stop my avoidance compulsion, mainly where I would avoid physical intimacy with my partner. When I engaged in physical intimacy, even when the ocd discomfort was there, I would often feel okayish but would still feel uncertain or have thoughts like "I'm a fraud", "what if I'm in denial". I guess my question is, are you supposed to just do the things anyway, even if you keep having those thoughts? It just makes me want to avoid even more.
Are we supposed to be accepting the thoughts and not interacting with them or accepting the thoughts and agreeing with them?
I am really concerned by Michael Greenberg article that he posted saying HOCD doesn’t mean you’re not Gay and it doesn’t mean you are Gay it just means you have ocd about your sexual orientation. Really need help understanding this
I believe coming on this app and reading people's stories is becoming a compulsion. When I feel fine I typically dont come on here but when my OCD is flaring up I do and read what everyone is going through to compare similarities. Confirm that I have OCD and my thoughts are not the real me.
Some dude said I should experiment with a dude and I had this feeling in my chest and my cheeks were heating up... I hate my life... I don’t want to experiment with a man 😭😭😭😭
I just think what if I just can't take that I'm gay. Or I can never figure it out. I don't want to have to experiment. I just want this to go away this feeling from being disconnected from everyone and just in my own head 😔
Is it just me or do anyone feels like empty? That it is hard to feel something?
Reassurance is not going to help you! You’re not going to believe anything that anybody says or that you read on Google. Maybe for a moment but all that’s doing is powering it up
So I told my aunt very vaguely about whats been happening anxiety attacks, panic attacks, unwanted thoughts ( If thats what they are) etc she had no clue about ocd but she said keep yourself busy lol I was like yeah as if I hadnt tried that then she was like experiment with guys and get a boyfriend lol, I said nah then she was like once college starts get a gf. Lol how should I tell her my attractions are all over the place. I dont even know If I want a gf. I hate how ocd completely ruined my head. I couldnt even enjoy the vacation with my aunt. Anyways It was the first time I ever told someone about this Irl. It was also very strange talking about this stuff in my mother tongue, It felt so weird bc I mostly think about this in english.
im young so i usually have a sexual preference towards girls and guys my age because im bisexual and recently ive been thinking what if im a pedophile because of my sexual preference? sometimes i might think of girls or guys that are a bit younger but almost the same age or guys and girls that are a bit older (in a sexual way) and i have no idea if its wrong or not. its gotten to the point that whenever i look at a baby or younger kids i get grossed out with myself or if i think they are cute or pretty i gross myself out and stop looking. am i wrong for this? i dont think of infants or children in that way. only people around my age but idk
So I'm a bit miffed and wondering if I'm right to feel miffed? I'm a bit drunk w/ my family (aunt, uncle, and gramma are visiting) and my mom spilled vodka and juice on my aunt's expensive handmade purse from Mexico. and I brought out the purse to her immediately because there might be stuff that needs to be removed and cleaned and dried (like a phone) before they get ruined. but I'm naturally clumsy and I am drunk and I didn't want my mom to get in trouble, so I said I was the one who spilled it. I don't make the choice to intentionally lie, especially to someone I love, lightly. It is a choice I know is incompatible with my OCD. But I'd rather be in trouble than get my mom in trouble. And I'd make that choice again. But!! Even though my mom knew I lied to cover for her, she still told my aunt the truth, about who really spilled on her purse. I told her not to and that I covered for her! But she told anyway. I'm upstairs now but I am just a little annoyed because I saw how expensive that purse was and decided for myself of my own free will that I was going to do something not just against my morals but that I knew my OCD would go against and I did it out of love. And it feels like she just threw my gift away. She shouldn't have said anything. That's how I feel. No one's fighting or anything except me and myself and my OCD. I just...would y'all be a bit upset too, or am I acting like an idiot?
Is trying to naturally calm down considered avoidance or reassurance?
Hi everyone! Had anyone ever experienced a theme where they obsess about money? I find myself experiencing buyers remorse or guilt every time I purchase something, or even if my parents buy me something. Its very extreme guilt and feels almost like an ocd theme. Can anyone relate?
I feel stuck, i feel nothing and that scares me and gets me tripped up. I don't even want to be my room alone. I don't trust myself i feel trapped and i hate it. Im not happy at all at the moment
Can someone pls pls talk to me, I'm getting such extreme anxiety. When I was five-six my best friend and I created a game where we would close our eyes, and see how close we could get our faces (the point being trying not to kiss.... Ya idk why either.) we never really did end up kissing, but still that's pretty fucking weird... And at one point I asked her to marry me, platonically bc I didn't rlly know what marriage was.... I knew it was romantic, but I think I thought it could be two friends?.. So ya, that's really really triggering me rn.
Why do people never talk about what it's like to be bisexual with soocd? The lack of representation among ocd circles makes it feel even more like my situation is the exception.
My ROCD really makes me not want to be sexually active with my boyfriend. I constantly get an instructive thought of me comparing him to other people and me question if I’m attracted to him. This never used to happen and I don’t know what to do. I feel like this thought is never going to go away.
Does anyone else have “epiphanies” sometimes? Like sometimes I get this really bad feeling and it feels like I have an epiphany that my obession is true
i just drank Ashwagandha infused water and i feel so calm now i am scared it feels good though
Could u just become numb it's like giving up .u just have no energy to fight ur thoughts. u just wanna cry stay in bed and do nothing :) or am I depressed again???
Idk know if I'm attracted to men at all at this point. I am so confused
I’m not even getting intrusive thoughts or anxiety, just shivers (anxiety shivers) and they’re so consistent and I’m fed up
i don't feel like i like guys. at all. it only feels like i want to be with them because it's what society wants :( and minimal anxiety too. how is this ocd??
it feels near impossible for me to be with a man. i never wanted to date before ocd, i used to say stuff like "i want to remain single and travel the world" and i just never really wanted a bf, and now i feel like it's because i am gay and it's not about dating, it's about men. and now whenever i say i eant a bf it feels so blank and like it's really not my intention, and i am just saying that to seem straight :(
i really feel like i like girls and am okay with it :( it's like i don't care anymore. i don't want that. i want my anxiety back. this shit is worse. yet i barely feel any anxiety. then i have those moments of clarity when i know i wouldn't date a girl but they're very brief. it's like i really want to and it's barely causing me to panic :(
Help need some advice I was exposed on an outing with a gay person and I was freaking out still am bc of it and then I tried going in a store to distract me but then it happened again at that point I was so shaken up I was in shock and the fact I can't clean anything is horrible I don't want to go home bc that's my safe place and I don't want to contaminate it I know I'm not supposed to clean but I'm super uncomfortable😑🤧😰😭
My best friend in the entire world just came out to me as a lesbian. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I feel like it’s so hard to tell the difference. Like sometimes I have this moment of clarity where I know when someone is only a friend. But then next thing you know I feel like I can’t even remember what it means to like someone as a friend. And so if I like them as a friend or if I’m having a good time then that must mean something. That I’m attracted to them. I hope I can remember the difference some day and stop questioning.
I’ve been sitting through resisting compulsions all day but I’m struggling to let go of some mental reassurance. Mainly because it’s very automatic. Any tips on how to reduce this?
Intrusive dreams and groinals without anxiety... what’s going on anymore... 😞😞
How does one sit with the discomfort/doubt of their intrusive thoughts? I can't have intrusive thoughts without ruminating automatically:( it doesn't help that my parents refuse to take me to some form of professional either so getting therapy through NOCD won't be happening either:(
Does anyone ruminate over rude comments people may have said about you to see if they have any truth to them, even if they happened very long ago? This sucks!
Does anyone else’s OCD seem to get worse in the morning when they’re still half asleep (especially if it’s identity related OCD)?
i need somebody so bad i’m having a breakdown i really wish i wasn’t here it’s so bad the intrusive thoughts are worse and i can’t deal with it anymore im searching for the easiest way to do it and im just so scared but i have to do it i can live like this anymore.. Please somebody help please
anyone else feel like making new friends is really hard with soocd? I get intrusive thoughts anytime I talk to any of my female friends, it can be really hard sometimes
Does anyone start to got really hot / sweat when they’re triggered?
I recently have been overthinking intimacy with my boyfriend due to my ROCD and SOCD. I’d get nervous about getting an intrusive thought and then of course because I was trying so hard NOT to, images I didn’t want would pop in. We have always had great chemistry in this department so I was getting annoyed and upset at myself. An ocd stories pod encouraged welcoming thoughts. Saying “I welcome all thoughts. Any ones that want to come in, just pull up a chair.” I focused on welcoming thoughts and reflecting on my sensations today during ~romantic~time and it was great, hoping this tactic may help you ☺️
Can you have obsessional thinking towards delusions? Like you obsess over delusional type thoughts and research into them. Or you experience an intrusive thought about it but the thought itself doesn't scare you but rather you obsess over why you're experiencing it?
it just feels so real and i don't even panic anymore. it's like i don't care. i do! i feel like i have accepted myself as bi :( i don't want that. and please refrain from commenting triggering stuff. it's just that i don't panic at the thoughts anymore nor do i feel anxious, but i still feel gay in denial and even that doesn't spook me much, i just ignore it. but isn't ignoring a sign of denial??? i just feel like i am but can't even bother with panicking or worrying about it. there's a lot of "proof" in my past and i keep on seeing some stuff that should be triggering but i am able to simply ignore it and stop myself from ruminating over it. i don't think i ever had ocd :( i just feel like i used it as a coverup for my denial
I am so confused. An article from Dr Michale Greenberg says HOCD doesn’t mean you are not Gay and HOCD doesn’t mean you are Gay it just means you have OCD. Why are all the books and things I read say OCD means it’s not true and also the therapists on here. I am so confused and in such distress now. So can someone have HOCd and realise they are Gay as I feel like I have been told the opposite from many therapists???? And the ones on here. What does Michael Greenberg’s article mean?
Does anyone know how to deal with intrusive thoughts in question form? I’ll have ones like “why are you against your harm thoughts” “why do you care about others” “why do you value what you value”
I just wanna share some tips with people suffering from hocd. Right now, idk who I am, idk if I'm gay or striaght. But a few moments ago, I was so happy cuz I felt straight. I was very happy. I knew that my happiness was short lived cuz these thoughts would creep in soon but I enjoyed myself to the fullest. So I just wanna tell yall that whenever you are happy, live it to the fullest and I hope yall recover soon👍
I know the backdoor spike is a thing but what happens when the backdoor spike just keeps happening and it's like your new reality. Just muddling the thoughts down inside, isolating myself and feeling like I'm carrying a secret around that I won't respond to, feels a whole lot like I'm a fraud or something. I just want to cry all the time. I feel hopeless
Another day of waking up acknowledging the thoughts and not reacting, feeling as if I'm living a lie and in denial. It's been 2 years. It's only gotten worse since treatment. When will this end
there's so much proof i am gay yet i am ignoring my thoughts and not panicking. isn't this like denial???
Anyone else get really irritable when not performing compulsions? I’m sooo cranky for no reason
So I told a friend about a memory of a thing I did that I feel so disgusted about (when I was 13-14) and he excepted me and even didn't take that so seriously like I do I still feel disgusting and bad and that he's the only one who will except me for the thing I did (but also I wanna believe that someone will) At least I feel a bit better but I'm afraid that telling him was a compulsion, idk I'm not diagnosed with ocd, but I have very obsessive thoughts
I think I am bi or gay who is in denial and just taking an excuse of HOCD. Can someone have HOCD and at last be gay. I am scared, I don't know why but I don't want to be gay
My ocd better be gone or at least better by Christmas time because christmas is my favourite thing ever and I can’t let it be ruined so I’m just really hoping that I’ll be able to enjoy it the same way as every year
Here is the link to a community "Master List" of Intrusions for all OCD subtypes! Go ahead and add to the work-in-progress! Original idea/thread started by: @Life_is_Hard🌻 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1o4RbSRcWPXiOU6WLwAW9_meL8I2QL5GPwieD9Dy1hwY/edit?usp=sharing
Having intrusive thoughts without really any anxiety is making me feel like something is wrong
I’m getting married next week to the love of my life. I’ve been dealing with sexual orientation OCD for about 3 years now. Before that I had forms of relationship OCD. Been with my, now fiancé, for 12 years. Sometimes my relationship OCD gave me so much anxiety that I would flee, broke up with her multiple times all to feel empty and longing for her love again. Once I “solved” that fear it switched to sexual orientation OCD. This has been tough. I’m scared it will ruin my wedding week. I’m scared I’m gonna get so Much anxiety that I’ll leave her standing on the altar. But I don’t want that. I genuinely want to be with her for the rest of my life. I know there is nothing anyone can do to relieve my anxiety , I need to live with it and the uncertainty that comes with it. But I’m writing this today to just admit that it’s so hard. If anyone is dealing with any type of OCD I feel your pain … I know it may be with me for life. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Peace and love to everyone.
Yesterday was really bad, had an awful panic attack, tried to confess, ruminated all day, and then I decided, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot continue to torture myself like this. I don’t care if I’m bad, a cheater, a liar, whatever. I want my life back. So today, I caught myself starting to ruminating 4x and made myself stop. I feel somewhat better. I’m going to do this everyday until I absolutely fucking love my life again.
Is it possible to get memory loss from ocd. Like im struggling trying to remember what I did yesterday and I’m not sure if it’s bc I’m too focused on my intrusive thoughts and trying to figure them? I just been in my head so much? I’m scared😭
Anyone else with ROCD feel empty every time they’re with their partner? I want to enjoy it like I used to :/
I was in class having a good time with my friend who is a girl! Then my mind was like "you like her" and I was like "WHAT?" then I started questioning my sexuality personally no offense I don't like girls like that I will say A girl looks pretty because I wanna look like her I wanna be her but me and my friend were just laughing cause we were working together then now I'm here like what if I'm not straight? I feel like I don't like anyone and I'm not sure if that's normal or okay? I haven't had a crush well I thought I did but I don't know I haven't seen him... And I don't wanna search a test on google if Im bi or les because someone said if you search that then you're basically part of lgbtq+.
Can you talk to your therapist on here about stuff other than ocd? My last therapist on here wouldn't and my parents are trying to get me to go to a therapist for other issues too
I’m feeling nothingness. Like this scenario popped into my head of someone saying “you don’t love him any more do you?” And my answer being no. I don’t know if this is an ocd scenario or not. I feel like I couldn’t even force myself to feel an emotion
I did something wrong and I think everyone hates me now. Maybe I should just give up. I feel so numb to the feeling.
Today’s my 27th birthday! My intrusive thought is my brain literally just saying “I’m gay” anytime I’m trying to freaking think and I have been doing really well at not caring and guess what ?? It does it get better and go away! But today I’m putting so much stress on having a good day, it’s frustrating!!! Currently waiting for my husband to be off and I am so excited for whatever he has planned but this pisses me off!
I’m at a drinking party with all my mates and for some reason I feel this feeling to my best mate for 11years and I think it’s some sort of attraction because I don’t feel the same feeling to woman but I don’t know because I felt so may things in the last 2 years and I don’t know what is real and what isn’t.
TW i feel so guilty over the way i used to take care of my sister. ever since i was a child, my parents made her my responsibility while they were away or at work. they told her i was her other parent while they were gone. my father encouraged me to spank her if things got out of hand. and i feel so guilty that i did. i dont do that anymore bc ik better than i do now and i don’t believe in spanking children at all. I apologized to her and asked her if i spanked her a lot (bc i got scared that i did but i don’t remember) and she said i did but it was very rare. i feel so awful and i wish i didn’t now im ruminating and checking any past events to see if i was a violent person to her and if i need to go to jail
sadly my thoughts are back again. this time its about me just being attached to my boyfriend, and not in love with him. i could say its a little bit both for me, since i have trauma and i am scared of abandonment, but i could also say i am in love too. i care about him so deeply and he means so much to me. i love everything about him, his soul, his body, his mind, heart, everything. i care about him more than i do care about me. yet my thoughts still make me feel guilty, and they tell me its bad to feel a little attached.
Me before getting diagnosed with ocd: this is ocd and I know it Me: *get diagnosed* Me: this isn’t ocd it feels real and like I want to do it I feel nothing this is not ocd
Does anyone else compare yourself to others? And even get angry or sad sometimes? Because you feel like something is wrong with you and wish you were someone else? Especially because of all the intrusive thoughts you’ve had?
if you have a lot of issues with worrying about your own morality like I do, I truly recommend this poem by Mary Oliver. It is such a great reminder for me. “Wild Geese” You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
Having SO-OCD and being queer is like being handed a double edged sword. I just cannot win.
I think Dr. Michael Greenberg is spot on with OCD treatment. It makes more sense to me than anything else. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/articles/
How does one stop ruminating with Real Event OCD? It's so incredibly difficult right now :(
