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Anyone else feel like they are totally accepting of the thoughts now and that they are now in the closet and this isn’t ocd anymore? I feel like I can live a normal life and I have this thought in the back of my head at all times that I’m gay. I just want my life back
wish me luck on going to sleep yall, im anxious now but hopefully i'll be able to eventually fall asleep....
Y’all ever see the Tik tok where it says “I ain’t ever seen all straight siblings?” It has me freaking out rn — someone help
OCD is telling me to confess again. A while back I basically defiled someone by doing something sexual? If that's what you want to call it while they were asleep. NO IT WAS NOT RAPE I ASSURE YOU. I would tell yall what I did but it would be confessing. But anyways OCD is telling me to confess to the person I did it too but it was like 5 or 6 years ago. which would make me about 10 or 11 at the time. How do I fight the urge! In detail, ocd is telling me to tell them because I defiled them. ItsIt's more targetting the fact I did something nasty to them and they don't know. Am I being irrational?
I’m struggling a lot today. My boyfriend needs space so I told him I’d give him two weeks of no communication. He needs to think about our relationship and figure out if he wants to continue doing this. I can’t stop thinking about him and I just want to text him so bad. I keep picking up my phone and checking to see if he’s messaged me. I’m fighting the compulsions but the anxiety isn’t going away
So I’m very confused. I am really calm and my thoughts are really calm and kinda not foggy but faint. I know I love him but at the same time it feels like I’ve admitted to myself I don’t. Can this still be ocd I’m very lost
I have rocd and then I was sure about that but now I think it is maybe just “no love”. Anyone have similar?
I had my first NOCD appointment on Friday. I really liked my therapist. I'm feeling very vulnerable because talking about my illness and my past memories and experiences has triggered me a lot and I'm feeling very depressed. I feel like life is a lot for me. I've been crying every day, so my chest is sore, and I've barely been eating or sleeping properly, so my body feels tired. I hope it gets better.
I‘ve had relationship OCD before, but mostly just in very short episodes. However it has been very present in the past weeks and it’s been very hard to deal with since my boyfriend is kind of my safe space and helps me calm down, but now I feel like OCD is pushing me away even from him
The constant endless mental checking has just changed everything. It’s not normal to check and I never used to check like this. I never get the answer I truly want anymore. But I’ve got so exhausted from thinking about it. And if I think about it too hard then I panic and start to cry. Is this even HOCD anymore, I feel like I’ve already started planning how I’m gonna leave my partner without realising. I get on edge when she talks to me about the future, and they used to be things i loved talking about. It’s not fair yano I feel like I’ve been stripped apart and put back together again in a new way. I’m not even anxious about it I’m just annoyed.
So so confused every day is a new battle Some girl complementing or sending a heart sticker what am i getting out of it like a weird tingly feeling whyy and why don’t i feel anxious about it i am so sure others would not have this going on which makes me think that mine are real and i am just in denial cause otherwise why would i think of it and constantly have thoughts about everything the other same sex does. Like I didn’t have a problem with that feeling and my mind was like okay you might even like it which made me think if i might then am i living a lie?!?! If i am okay with it and feeling a certain type if way i used to feel when guys complemented me then these thoughts may be right. I don’t force these thoughts they just come like that and if without any force they do come and i am okay with them and thinking about them without anxiety and might even like them and everything i think feels so real so how is it not denial then?!?!? What do i do?! Where do i go? Everything feels to real and sometimes like somebody else would just accept and move on why can’t i will i be okay if i do am i okay with thinking this?!?when i feels these thoughts and they feel so real where I don’t know the difference between real and fake idk what to take if that there’s no difference between thoughts and feels now cause its all confused…..
PLZ SOMEONE HELP! I am currently and this happens a lot have anger rumination and I learned about what that is today. Every time I am upset at my partner (I have just right rocd) I dwell in it, and can’t forgive even if there isn’t an apology and the person didn’t mean to do said thing or even told me they are sorry I feel that way, I feel threatened and mad at them even if it’s not their fault and they didn’t actually do anything wrong I received the wrong impression I can’t change how I think my automatic feeling and response is anger and the thoughts “well his impression was a certain way so that’s his fault for showing that”… then I blame him and I feel bad because it hurts his feelings when he didn’t actually mean to make me feel a certain way and I saw something different than what his intention was. I still think automatically on repeat and feel so stuck that it’s his fault and he needs to apologize and even then I try to process my emotions and cry and let it out and try and move on but the terrible dread I feel that just sits there of anger and feeling justified and crossing my arms just continues. It’s like my irrational mind and rational mind are fighting and texting about this is not good, I would rather talk in person but I got exposed to covid at work and I am waiting for my test results whenever that is. The thing that happened was I was going to take a rapid pcr test because I wanted results fast so I could do Halloween and go to a Halloween party tonight and then they told me it’s not as accurate as the regular pcr test that takes 24 hours and I felt pressured because he told me his dad has surgery that week so he can’t have that chance and decision making with ocd is hard so I felt half like okay I am waiting because I def don’t want him to be sick and I have to be really sure I don’t have covid and then the other side was once I did the regular pcr results he said I didn’t have to and he would be okay with the rapid one and I felt mad at him because I already had that pressure and then could have gone to that Halloween party and stuff but I do know that my ocd would still be like that’s wrong to just do the rapid one because of a party and then get his dad sick. So I feel mad that I had to do that in order for him and then I suffer by not being able to go out tonight. Hopefully someone can respond I know this is long
I’ve been doing pretty well all day dismissing the thoughts but I had a thought “I’m going to break up with him tonight” and now it just feels like I’m going to and like I want to. When I argue with it it doesn’t sound right. I barely even tried to argue with it
No plans this weekend and can’t stop thinking about how much fun people will be having. I was just at the park relaxing and a group of college girls was within earshot and they were talking about partying last night and tonight, I got so triggered. I feel like such a loser
My time of month coming up really messes with my mood and anxiousness, I've been trying not to wash my hands as frequent but find that I accidently do, the forgetting if I just did is what really affects my ability to say no to the ocd. It's really hitting me but gotta keep strong.
Things have been really good for me lately! Forcing myself to go out and talk to people/ getting into theatre stuff has been really helpful for me, and it feels nice to be in a headspace where I’m capable of recognizing when I’m getting irrational/ delusional
So I’m really happy because today after my mini compulsive episode I decided to not even respond to them or tell myself “this is an ocd thought and I do not need to figure it out” and I feel tons better so far
Guys today has been nearly impossible to resist compulsions. I have been having intense guilt about finding other women attractive and what that means about my otherwise happy, loving, and committed relationship. It makes me question everything. I’ve been researching endlessly today, I’ve been able to avoid bringing it up with my partner (she knows I have OCD but involving her in this content, hurts her and the only way she could help would be to provide reassurance that it’s normal and she doesn’t hate me for it) but gosh it doesn’t feel normal. I just need some hope or tips for resisting compulsive research and rumination.
Would this be considered OCD? When I get up in the morning, I consider myself downstairs. As the day goes on, noon and afternoon become the landing of the staircase, and evening and night become the upstairs. I also do the same thing only different with age and using a ladder. From baby to five is one level, age six to ten, another level, eleven to fifteen, another level, sixteen to twenty, another level. after twenty, it goes in ten rungs of the ladder, like twenty one to thirty, and so on. Also with the age the ladder starts out going upwards, then to the right, then up, then to the right. I've never thought much about it until now. Just a question. Doesn't feel like it would be to me, but then a lot of things are that I wouldn't think of as being.
I am tired. I can’t live like this. I notice and think about it willingly or unwillingly but i just do long story short this is just too convincing cause i am doing this to myself no one is forcing them into my mind. I see something and instantly i notice and i keep noticing and then don’t realise that if i am okay with it is it again just denial. And then look twice why would i do that and then feel like i am forcing these compulsions i ask myself to willingly think about the compulsions to be in denial even while writing this i am so calm these thoughts just feel way to real can hocd actually make you think like you it is true what you’re not accepting and make you feel like you actually do like them in all ways?!?! I go out with a friend and i have an intrusive thought I don’t disgust it I don’t feel it’s something I don’t want but I don’t act upon it maybe cause i am scared so i start to avoid it or idk what and then i am like controlling myself from doing what the thought wants me to and its like will i be okay if i do that and that literally gives me like direct evidence of just being in denial and not accepting and sometimes i feel i even believe myself when i say that you’re just in denial that shouldn’t happen with hocd. Should i even do therapy if all this while its just what i wasn’t accepting?!?
Does anyone have that thing where you remember something you said/did and your brain tells you it’s SO bad you need to confess to find out if it was bad and you don’t do the confession because it’s reassurance seeking and you’ve already asked people about it before and it didn’t make the worry or memory go away because in the long run it made your OCD worse and since you’re not confessing for reassurance your OCD tells you that what you did/said/etc is going to ruin your life?? Just, uh, askin’ for a friend…
Any thoughts on magical thinking and law of attraction? Can the later influence the first?
i don't even feel like posting anymore. no point in explaining how i feel because i just don't think i have ocd
Am I the only one that be reading youtube comments, but then when I skip over a comment I have to read it again or say it out loud?
With ocd and especially Rocd no day feels easy and simple. Even if i don't get the intrusive thoughts and ruminations i still have this "something is wrong" feeling. I feel like there might be something to worry about that i miss, or generally the feeling that i have to be in anxiety and fear. It's like no matter what you do it never leaves you to be free and calm.
Haven’t been on Tik tok since the last time I was triggered.. well for some reason I go on Tik tok bc I’m bored and see a Tik tok and then read comments and I’m triggered AGAIN... sos
Was triggered quite badly by a video of a women saying how she goes off men when they like her back and all the tiktok comments were saying it’s comphet and she’s either a lesbian or asexual- these are two things I worry I am and just don’t realise :( I haven’t had a crush in years and I’ve experienced going off of men after finding out they like me back- the master doc made me bawl my eyes out :( I’m trying so hard to not think into it and just let the anxiety be but it just feels like I need to figure it out all the time or that I’m in denial and lying to myself and others all the time- I’m so tired
Anyone feel like they're just one bad day away from giving into their thoughts/feelings? Like it would be easier at this point to just give in?
Having a really bad day but trying to stay positive and focus on that nothing is permanent!
sometimes i fear i'm making all this up. that i'm fabricating these intrusive thoughts or compulsions for attention. i don't have an OCD diagnosis which makes my mind even more doubtful and i sometimes daydream about having a diagnosis. which i know sounds really messed up and doesn't make this sound any better.
Anybody else ever scared that your thoughts aren’t intrusive, but you react the way you do because you’re “supposed to”?
Genuine question whats the best way to not look for reassurance how are you able to stop yourself for seeking reassurance? also how do you know when you are seeking for reassurance like sometimes I feel I may be doing it unconsciously but im not quite sure
How do you deal with multiple themes especially newer ones? I was doing my best this morning working on not ruminating on my main theme...then bam a newer theme thats been coming up off and in for a few weeks rammed its ugly head right on in...and now the anxiety is flowing and im finding it hard to not take it seriously
I have a question. I did not read that anywhere yet. I constantly feel forced to DECIDE between two options asap or I go nuts. When other people say, lets wait and see, I cannot wait and see - it would stress me too much. I would feel extremely uncomfortable and would not be able to relax until there is a decision. And in most cases this are things that are hard to decide, I feel like I punish myself and pressure myself to make a decision, just to have it off my chest - even if the decision hurts me. Is this ALSO a symptom of OCD? I have this for years and now I wonder.
Does anyone else have to imagine having sex with the same sex to prove you are not gay? Then.. end up getting genital response and false attraction?
Guys has anyone had a pocd thought thay was so disgusting but you felt like you would like it and now your whole life feels ruined completely? I'm not sure if i can move on from this
Is ocd like being a really bad worrier ? .I'm still not convinced I have it. Because of the thoughts and feelings I have
I dont understand how we're supposed to ignore "intrusive thoughts", when they honestly feel so real. I mean, how am I supposed to just accept the thoughts, when my brain/body is telling me something IS wrong. It genuinely feels like something needs attending to & my thoughts dont come in the form of "what if", they come in the form of "something is wrong and you need to do something". How are you supposed to know if something needs to be done or not?? I dont get how we're supposed to dismiss fear when it's telling us to do something.
If the goal of ERP isn’t to make the OCD go away, what is the end goal? What can I hope for?
I tried to be strong but I today really broke me. I could not stop these thoughts and I started stuttering and shaking during a presentation for work. I started pausing in the middle of sentences and just wanted to leave it all and run away. Im sure my coworkers noticed. It was so obvious. Please tell me there is hope.
I’m so confused right now. I feel really calm about my intrusive thoughts and I feel calm overall. I can still get moments of feeling uneasy but overall I’m calmer. Yesterday was really difficult. Does that mean I don’t have OCD? I just don’t get this. Even today I was scared with the thought of what If I’m lying about my intrusive thoughts and my experience with OCD and I’m really just a crazy person.....and then later today when I felt calmer I was like omg what if I really don’t have OCD and I really I’m just making it up. I feel so calm right now. I’m kind of guessing maybe because I talked to my mom about my some intrusive thoughts have and have had in the past and I was worried about telling her but she understood and so I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Is it possible to suddenly feel ok?
Anyone have existential ocd feel disconnected from life and or reality
HOCD I’m so done with you. You’ve taken everything away from me and every day you make it harder to disbelieve you. I was so happy in my relationship, I was happy with my career. Now I wake up anxious and just don’t want to face the day. Now every little action that goes on in my life is sexualised. It’s become my life… just checking. And the worst thing is all I’ve got left is my compulsions. Because if I didn’t have them I’d probably fully believe you. People on here talk about suppressed sexuality/fluidity. Well I don’t want mine to change, I was perfectly happy going through my life with confidence, OCD was manageable to the point I forgot I had it. And the worst part is you’ve dug up all this stuff that I don’t even see how I can to back to how things were. How will I ever have my old life back when you’ve convinced me it was all one big lie! I had just got to the happiest stage of my life, ready to settle down, I wanted it so badly. And now You’ve taken that away as well, I don’t even know if I want it anymore. Sometimes you even make me resent my partner, telling me that if she wasn’t there I could go and live my ‘gay life.’ Well I never asked for that and never wanted it, had never thought about it. But months of HOCD later it’s all I can think about, now it feels like I do want that, like I do resent my partner. I can’t even kiss her anymore without you filling my head with thoughts. I want to be intimate with her but I can’t, I want to find the excitement and spark again but I can’t and yano what I’ve given up on it coming back! Thanks a bunch brain
I have parents/family that claim theres nothing wrong with me/I’m lazy/stupid/whatever and refuse to let me seek out therapy/treatment/etc. you know the usual controlling uneducated parents stuff but how do I really know I have ocd? What if it’s symptoms associated with adhd or whatever else? What if I don’t even have adhd? There are many certain things things that lead me to believe I have both but when I’m confronted about it my mind goes completely blank and I suddenly can’t remember a single thing about any mental illnesses I’m convinced I have and then I’m called a fake/liar/accused of only seeking out drugs to get addicted to and it’s so frustrating because I go so in depth about my problems in my head but when asked I can’t explain a single thing
I used to think pocd was horrible but real event ocd takes the cake trying to remember every single detail or spending hours trying to remember it’s happening right now and it’s killing me
Hocd question- Legit question, how do I know if I have ocd? The feelkng that I once had that I have ocd is gone, Feels like I never did have proper ocd and was always gay and questioning. How do I know this anxiety and depression is caused because Im just gay in denial? Certainly feels like the second one is true, I hate this ughhh, its a horror show in my head
The dark side of OCD: POCD | An interview with myself by AdhdBaddie on YouTube is a fantastic vid!
I feel like I can do anything right today and the fact that I can’t take it in stride just feels like another thing I can’t do right.
For those who are on medication do you see a psychiatrist or did you get prescribed through a regular doctor? I’m trying to see which would be a better fit, I’m already in therapy so I’m worried that a psychiatrist will try to interrupt my treatment, but if I choose a regular doctor they might not be as knowledgeable on which ssri is good and the correct dosage to give.
Can someone please give some examples of mental compulsions? I think that may be what is short circiuting my exposures. I know things like rumination, worst case scenario, spiraling into what ifs, trying to argue or reason with the intrusive thought, trying to convince yourself it isn't true. But I think there some that I don't know about and probably some more subtle compulsions that I am engaging in without realizing it. I have an appt with my counselor on Thursday to discuss this.
Does anyone else feel like they cant even watch a movie , youtube video , tik tok , music video literally anything with the gender ur brain tells u ur attracted to ?? like i get this heart feeling and my brain tells me its "natural" for me to feel like this or get a feeling down there , and i dont want it , i cant even go to school it sucks so bad
Is there such thing as rape OCD? I have a fear of I was raped for no reason. I never remember being raped, and I dont have any side effects so why the hell is OCD so fixated on it. I always search up rape effects as a compulsion along with asking REAL rape victims how would I know which makes me seem like a douche
Does anyone else suffer from strong groinal responses/false arousal/false attraction? What does that feel like for you? How real does it feel?
I don’t feel any emotions anymore :( I don’t think I’ll ever have a crush again or have the ability to fall in love. I don’t understand why I can’t feel anything after my recent ocd spike
What should I do if I’m doing an exposure and i do a compulsion (even though I’m trying not to)? Does it ruin the whole exposure? Should I just keep going? Should I extend it?
I'm not sure if anyone else deals with this and it's hard for me to post this.. but, here goes nothing. One of my biggest OCD's is not being able to express my opinions or beliefs online without fear of someone putting me down or upsetting me in some way. I will get a little upset and want to express how I feel on Facebook, write it out, edit it a million times, and then delete it. It makes me feel like a coward and that I'm pathetic. Sometimes I do get myself to post it and then delete it in minutes. It started happening with everything. Even minor things that are in agreement with someone else. I just get scared that it will be twisted into someone else's narrative and make me look like a bad guy. Sometimes I will reply in disagreement to someone else's comment on their post and not return to see what they said back because of this fear. Not sure if this is a common thing but I see so many people online handling arguments so well even after insulted and it makes me feel pathetic. I just want to chime in with my own opinions but I don't feel like I can.
I wanted to share something positive! My main theme is ROCD, but SO-OCD has taken over (because duh, it’s a threat to the relationship I’m in) so I have been diligently practicing ERP daily. I took it easier for most of the day today, and finally I said “I can do hard things” and I read a chapter of a book about a woman who falls in love with her best friend (another woman). This chapter was specifically about her experience of realizing she was in love with a woman, whilst married to a man. This is my biggest OCD fear. I sat through it though. I sat through the immense feelings of anxiety and the repetitive thoughts/images/urges my mind was desperately throwing at me. I cried. The fear and feelings felt SO REAL. I felt AWFUL, but I sat with the anxiety. Once it subsided from an 8/9 to a 5/6, I got up and grabbed my laundry, did some dishes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, made myself some tea and sat back down. I realized my anxiety was down to about a 2/3, and that I wasn’t getting triggered by things I usually get triggered by- the thoughts were there but it was easier for me to say “perhaps! You never know” and move on. ERP is HARD and feels devastating in the moment, but that feeling passes and I cannot believe how much it helps. I’m not sure if I did it perfectly, and I’m sure OCD will find it’s next opportunity, but this gives me the hope and strength I need to keep at it. Do the work! We can do hard things!!! Sending love and light to you all ✨
Hey so is it possible for people to feel turned on to taboo thoughts ? Because that's how I feel for a few mins and then I feel disgusted that I even thought of them that alone felt like I liked them feeling heartbroken
Why did I believe all the proof my brain gave me? It had to have been true thats why I mustbe believed it right? Why else would I fall for it? In those moments all of it made total sense and i was like damn I actually lost to ocd and I was just in denial and gay all my life and never knew and againt it made sense, I remember having extremely high anxiety and stress during those moments. I consider myself a fairly gullible person and accepted that Im in denial bc of all the proof, it created this big conflict in my head and now I dont think I can go back to saying im straight or was straight It dosent sound right or it sounds wrong. Think the line has been crossed, i also cant imagine myself in the future being a simple normal straight man, feels like I was destined to be gay with or without ocd. Idk I could be exaggerating but thats how I feel
I’m scared my hand gestures make people think I’m hay! I use a lot of body language while talking, I don’t know why I just do, and sometimes my hands or arms move in a certain way and I’ve never really thought about it before but ever since this trend in tiktok where the hand gestures means you are gay became a thing it’s all I think about. What if everyone things I’m gay because of it? Now on top of that I’m in the worst anxiety, hating myself and dispersion stage I’ve been in for a while, which is making me not really want to get into a relationship (I figured this out only recently after a date with a guy) and now I’m scared that is also making people think I am! I’m not gay. But why do I do these hand gestures? Does everyone? I swear we all do! I actually hate my life I can’t stop. If I move my hand or arm up at anytime I think “shit everyone now thinks I’m gay because of that” so now on the daily I try to stop myself moving my arms
How does scheduling with a NOCD therapist work? Like how does it work with your insurance/seeing therapist in person if wanted...etc? I have a therapist right now but she doesn't specialize in ERP. Which I think is necessary for me.
Hocd Idk what to do, i reached out to a therapist last week and he even lowered his rates to help me but i havent given him a reply yet its been 4 days, i already feel awful. I just dont think its ocd and im just gay and if its not I dont see the point in seeking help but I also cant function, struggling to do daily chores, sleeping, eating and looking like crap for months, waking up everyday hoping I find some answer or something changes and then I can make a decisive decision. I really think i will be gay even if I do ever recover but for now Im stuck and want to be out of this miserable state.
Does anyone else find that things from your past, that were around when your ocd first started sometimes still trigger you the most? Not big things mind you but just old books or shows that you saw when you we deep into your anxiety and ocd? Sometimes I find those little blips hard to deal with.
I never had a normal conversation with a guy where I find myself comfortable about,and now is worst because I started feeling the uncomfortable sensation means that I like guys,even if I know that I dont. I am lesbian and this disturbs me so much.
The anxiety from my HOCD has started going, but all the thoughts are still there. Does that mean it was true all along? I’m not happy but I’m not anxious I’m just sorta not bothered. But all the symptoms are still there idk what to do. But even as I start to piece it all together I’m getting anxious… I don’t want this. I don’t think but I don’t know anymore? I was so certain when this started. I remember having OCD as a child but it would always just go away and things would reset but I can’t see that happening this time. Does this mean I am gay now? Idek anymore? I have a wonderful girlfriend and I love her but how can I stay in the relationship of this is the case.
is anyone else’s real event ocd about mean or malicious stuff they said? when i was 11-15 i remember instances where said some nasty uncalled for things in quite a passive aggressive way to people. specifically friends i didn’t like. and i regret it so much and wish i could go back in time and not say it. and i’m terrified it means i’m a horrible person without empathy.
I know how OCD works. I know the games OCD likes to play. I know how it makes me doubt everything YET when I have a episode it’s like all the knowledge and progress I’ve made goes out the door. 😭
Our 20 yr old son has taken a break from college - dealing with OCD (harm/existential/sexual/others). He also has depression that has joined the OCD. We have tried online counseling with a great counselor from the NY OCD clinic, medication (maybe helped some with lots of fits and starts), in person counseling when he has been home (we are in Alabama and he is in Texas). The online OCD counseling helped some but his depression is causing him to not be able to do the basic things like sleep, eat, get on a routine and he ended up dropping doing the counseling. Last night he agreed to see if there was an inpatient program so I'm going to call the ones I know about today but wondered if you had any advice. This mom is worried and lost and trying to help a 20 year old who wants his autonomy.....but I'm worried about his safety! I originally posted this to Stephen Smith but wondered if any others in this community had advice on next steps too
A reminder to everyone on here reading through other people’s posts looking for reassurance: put your phone down! Close the app! I know this feels like the most important thing in the world right now, but you’re just continuing the obsessive compulsive cycle. Listen to music, or go for a walk, or read a book. Do something that isn’t trying to prove or disprove whatever your fear is. I’m betting you’ve done this a thousand times before, and I’m betting that you still don’t have a satisfactory answer. What makes you think that this time will be different? I’m writing this to myself as much as anyone else; I just went down a reassurance rabbit hole, triggered by reading a post on here.
I feel so so guilty about things that I used to do. I committed to never doing those things again because it doesn’t align with my values and I realized what I was doing wrong and I needed to change. I’m so afraid of all of this coming back and ruining my life and I’m afraid that I’m a horrible person. I keep going over the things I did and when and imagining how I’m going to get caught in the future.
Why do I feel like I’m going through something different to everyone else on here. I used to relate to everyone’s posts so much and now I just don’t. Everyday gets harder but none of it makes sense, I genuinely feel my sexuality has been altered by OCD. I was perfectly happy and content with my life and then bang the ROCD and HOCD kicked in like a huge brick coming to ruin everything. And the worst part is it makes me feel so convinced, like I want it, sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s made me happy or depressed, sad or angry, anxious or excited. I feel like I’m in the deepest denial
Getting worse day by day..Other people do stuff with the same sex and feel nothing we think of it and feel so many things what does that mean I can’t put my thoughts into words anymore i am just tired everything tells me i am scared and just not accepting denial ans why is that thought so real so convincing why does that cause me no anxiety and even if it does do i fake it what is up with me what am i not accepting what if therapy just leads me to this what am I supposed to do then for the fact of the matter what am I supposed to do now?!? Why does this like come and go and this time came with so much force that the thoughts are just there like they are a part of me and that convinces me i am just not accepting because of various fears i have. I question every thought even my existence i am scared for my own life.
It seems as though my thoughts have turned. At first they were abt me and my Feelings for him. Then I started doing mild erp guided by myself. I started feeling better and I felt as I felt before any of this started. Then I started to have thoughts abt him. Is he lying to me? Is he manipulating me? Does he love me? It makes me feel scared of him. When our relationship I’ve trusted him more then anything. When he tells me sweet things I’ll smile feel happy. And then my mind thinks “he’s only saying that bc you said something or he’s lying.
I hate fighting whatever this is… I am so mentally tired…. I keep comfort eating…. Which caused so much weight gain.. My friend yesterday tried to trigger me saying break up but I didn’t react to it. It’s bc breaking up and saying not in love over and over again made me numb to it… I’ve dealt with a decent amount of ROCD for over 9 years with lots of intrusive thoughts. But what I am feeling now doesn’t feel the same… it feel too different some how… I know ROCD won’t be the same way each time I understand that… but why can’t I just be hap out and choose to love him… I know we have certain issues we need to work on but I don’t wanna give in to whatever this is. Even if it causes me depression. I know l love him. That’s why I don’t wanna give in.
I'm 5'4, and weigh around 112-114lbs, I'm still young, and I keep having doubts about my body. And whether it makes me worth less, my stomach isn't flat. I have some belly fat, though not much. Even from the front I look ok, but when I turn to the side, just. Idk. I've been ruminating forever about this, I know I should just work out and eat healthier, but it's hard idk
I had arguement yesterday witk drunk worker and now i feel guilty being honest. Feel like Im bad person. So i dont like the feeling and dont know do i have to apology, so i Cant stop compulesion about it. Want to feel that i did right and grow stand 4myself, but other half doubts about my actions. How I cope with arguments?
Is practicing mindfulness in the middle of having an OCD thought considered as a compulsion? I'm kind of confused because compulsions are usually defined as something that a person with OCD do for temporary relief from the anxiety caused by the intrusive thoughts.
Some days this shit is still so hard. I have never simultaneously felt so weak and so strong in my whole life. I am just tired. 2 more days till I find out if I am fired. It could honestly go either way. I some how managed to still keep pushing and trying, for the last 6 weeks knowing the probable outcome. I have managed to put in the work on my self & figure out what is going on with me and what I need to do for the most part to help my self and got my production level close to what it needs to be, and the reality is that it just may be too little too late. Doing my best to not borrow troubles from tomorrow...and that is getting harder and harder to do these last couple days. PS...venting my reality and the challenge with this major uncertainty, not seeking re-assurance :)
I would be very grateful for any advice from my fellow ocd community members. So a couple days ago I had a new obsession hit me out of nowhere like a freight train. I think it’s partly real event ocd which I have experienced before which usually leads to me being marinated in guilt and shame. The problem now though is this new obsession has combined with my real event obsession and I am not handling it very well. I don’t know exactly what to call this new obsession but it is basically an incredibly intense fear that I did something even worse than my real event obsession, and I just don’t remember it. This partially stems from the complication that I don’t remember a lot of my past. I don’t know if it is a side effect of being on an ssri for years or from depression, ocd, and anxiety but it is making this whole thing even scarier. I wish I could talk about it in more detail to gain some more advice. I don’t have a problem with confessing as a compulsion but I am just not brave enough to admit such a shameful thing 😞. I don’t know how to move forward with such a horrible possibility hanging over me. I am pretty sheltered as well which makes it really hard for me to put things into a realistic perspective (how common certain things are, how likely I am to be sitting on a porch in a rocking chair in my 90s and then I get tackled by a swat team who finally caught the bad things I did when I was younger, how I’m supposed to navigate real event ocd when I have a horrible memory, etc.). Thanks for any advice you are willing to share with me!
All throughout the beginning of 2020 OCD did not exist in my life. As soon as August came, I've been getting OCD thoughts and I remember how it all started 100%. I never used to worry about ANYTHING in the past whatsoever and now I find myself worrying about anything and everything possible. Does that mean my worries are all irrational? Especially with things in the past? Not trying to look for reassurance. I just want to understand how this works. How can ERP get rid of it? I just don't know how.
Does anyone known what subtype this is and what I can do about it? So as a kid (Very young) ONCE I kissed a relative to practice kissing now OCD is calling me incest even though I had no sense of that at that age. But other than that, ocd is saying that any future relationship I get in, if me and the girl I would be dating kiss it would mean nothing because I did that. Its targeting the "first kiss thing" and so its saying since any future girl I date wont be my first kiss then it means nothing. I doesn't help that at a young age my mother used to kiss me goodnight (I believeaalot of peoples mother have) for some odd reason OCD is also attacking that.
Can a groinal response happen without intrusive thoughts? I had a sexual dream that’s been bothering me today and the groinal response feels on fire literally it’s causing me to feel like it’s real and is scaring me i don’t want it to be real 😢
Does anybody else’s HOCD feel like this? So, ‘LGBT+’ is an incredibly popular topic within media. I’m constantly stumbling across posts, articles, videos, news where people talk about their experience with identifying by any one of the letters. It feels like all I ever hear is someone coming out as gay, lesbian, bi, etc. This made me wonder (if this is really so common) Am I maybe bi or lesbian. I am fairly certain that I’m straight, but the idea that sexuality is a spectrum presents so much uncertainty for me - I want to know EXACTLY where I sit on that spectrum. As someone who exclusively is attracted and wants to date guys, it follows that I’d be heterosexual… but, then I start to think, ‘well what if I’m repressing homosexuality’, because that’s a pretty common thing… ‘what’s to say that’s not me?’ I think to myself, ‘if it’s something subconscious I’m too young to recognise (17), then surely only time will tell if I’m a lesbian’… but I want to know with absolute conviction that I am one or the other or in between RIGHT this minute, or I’m swilling in a glass of confusion and anxiety. … I don’t know whether any of that made sense, but hopefully this resonated with at least one person going through HOCD/SO-OCD. If so, please comment so we can chat!
Hey friends! Ive been doing so much better I feel really in control of my thoughts! It gets better I was at rock bottom in may.
I feel so normal now. I had a thought and it was like “I don’t want to be with him” and I felt really peaceful Bc of the music playing but then I got a little anxiety like my stomach turned and I’m trying to say “no I don’t” and now I just feel uneasy. Like when I said no I don’t it sounded like a lie. Not having anxiety with my thoughts makes it all seem so real
