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I was a bridesmaid at a wedding and felt very tense because I was nervous about walking down the aisle properly. Aside from that initial nervousness, I started getting more anxious while getting ready because all the other bridesmaids were ready before me, and the girl I hired to do my hair and makeup was very late to start, which made me increasingly tense. By the time I was ready, one of the vans to the wedding had already left, and overall I was quite nervous. The ceremony happened, and I felt all the natural emotions of seeing a friend get married, but I was also feeling a bit unattractive and lacking confidence because of my hair and makeup, and later I started overthinking my dress as well. Anyway, I had two glasses of champagne (I don’t usually drink, but it was for the toast), danced a lot with friends, and around midnight they served coffee, so I had two small cups. I got home around 1:30 a.m., took a shower, and went to bed. I stayed on my phone for a while and ended up on Twitter while feeling sleepy, where I saw a report about some argument on a reality show. I thought, “wow, that guy is ugly,” and then a kind of wandering thought came to me, like: “why do we care about other people’s appearance? Why do we care about appearance at all? What’s the point? Why do you give yourself so much importance? What would it be like to be someone other than myself? Are other people even real?” Feeling very anxious, I tried to fall asleep. After a while, I woke up with strange, jumbled existential thoughts, like a mix of all those previous ideas, followed by a feeling like: “my God, I only know what it’s like to be me in this life, I only care about myself—do I not care about anything else besides myself? Am I even capable of truly loving, if I only think about myself? Could it be that what I love or care about in others is also just a selfish need? Do I only want others to be well so that I can feel well myself?” Is everyone just experiencing life alone being selfish? I don’t know… just a lot of intense, unusual existential thoughts, mixed with fear of the responsibility of guiding my own life and fear of being alone in this world, in this reality, in this experience. I really feel alone with this thoughts and feelings, not even being able to describe it totally. Fear that other people might not be real and that I’m alone in the world (if I actually start believing this, it means I’m crazy, and I don’t want to be. I’m very scared of going crazy).

I am writing to hopefully spread awareness about this condition. Post SSRI Syndrome, often called "Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction" is a condition where those who have taken a serotoninergenic drug like SSRI, SNRI, atypical antidepressants and some forms of antipsychotics develop symptoms such as the following: 1. Anhedonia; (difficulty or inability to feel positive emotions, feelings, enjoyment. Or satisfaction). 2. Emotional Blunting/Anesthesia; Difficulty or inability to experience all emotions including sadness, anger, empathy, anxiety, depression, love. 3. Sexual Dysfunction; Genital Numbness or reduced sensation, erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, low or absent libido. 4. Cognitive Dysfunction; Memory Issues, Learning Difficulties, General Slowing The prognosis for this condition is unknown as it is understudied, underfunded, and severely underreported with many experiening this conditionfor years, decades, or indefinitely. One Israeli study found a prevalence of 1 in 216 specifically for the symptoms of erectile dysfunction purely based on those who sought treatment for the erectile dysfunction. I do not experience this symptom but do experience every other symptom including genital numbness though, so the prevalence is likely higher depending on the symptomatology and it being underreported even among those who do experience all symptoms. I had a rich and vibrant life and initially sought help due to my severe OCD which caused severe anxiety. I was told by a therapist (not from NOCD) that progress without medication is difficult to estimate prognostically. I saw a psychiatrist and was not warned about these potential life-altering risks and was told specifically not to look into the side effects or to research said drugs before taking them. I trialed Sertraline 25mg for about 2 months and experienced severe side effects such as cognitive dysfunction, visual snow, and apathy. I decided to come off and tapered for a few weeks just to be safe and experienced an acute withdrawal period invokving migraines, worsening side-effect symptoms, visual snow, and brain zaps. Worst of all, upon discontinuing I developed this condition, I almost instantly became anhedonic, emotionally blunted, and had difficulty with learning and memory. I also lost my sexuality with genital numbness, and reduced libido. It has been almost 10 months since I discontinued and my symptoms have mostly worsened or stayed the same with the only symptom to have improved being the visual disturbances/visual snow and cognition although not 100% recovered. I am unable to feel music, connection, enjoyment, anger, sadness, or anything you would describe as being a normal human experience. I think NOCD's targeted therapy for OCD alone would have been enough to help me with my initial OCD over time, but unfortunately I only started this program after already having the onset of this condition. I no longer have obsessive, compulsive, or even anxious tendancies despite being my life-long nature, mainly due to this condition numbing that. The purpose of this post is for you to be informed, because the treatment for OCD should not come with a risk of potentially ruining your life without your knowledge. SSRI drugs are viable forms of treatment but understanding the implications is important. Had I known the risks and the full extent of this condition I would have never even trialed them, but that's just me. I hope one day a cure is found for this or recover naturally, but that is uncertain. Wishing you all luck with your OCD and struggles. If I ever do recover and develop OCD again I will likely be back here.

OCD is the worst part of my life in every way. I cannot begin to explain the levels of torment I’ve felt since my daughter was born 7 months ago. My life has come to a screeching halt and all progress I made personally, in regard to managing OCD, has been nearly completely wiped from existence. I like to explain it as I’m a dude running through a vast open field during an artillery bombardment and I’m lucky to find a little hiding spot where I can think for just a moment and collect myself. I find it debilitating and it’s hard to explain to other people just how awful it is, especially in regards to things such as POCD magic OCD etc. people cannot understand because it’s so irrational and so hard to empathize with somebody in our shoes. I just wanted to kinda throw this out here, it’s how I’ve been feeling lately and my therapist isn’t talking for a while.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 3 and a half years, we have a 16 month old baby too, I’m really grateful for them. But I have a problem, I’ve been watching porn since I was 11, only when I got into this relationship, the first relationship since I was about 12, it became an actual problem, and I slowly started to realise I was addicted, but it took too long and too many times hurting my partner. I understand it’s all my fault but I just felt out of control, everything in me wanted to change, I just never knew what I had to do, currently, since the issue is triggered at work I’ve finally turned all access off my apps, I’ve spoken to my GP who is referring my further help, I have downloaded a good few apps that are going to keep me focused and on reach while I fight this. Ofcourse I’ve hurt her before, and I’ve told her I’ll change before, and failed. But this time I’m really taking real steps, I’ve noticed things and how I was acting differently with her, less in touch and more prone to arguments, ofcourse there were other elements in our life that made us more stressed with eachother, like a baby for example, but when I’m noticing things I’m trying to improve them, be more help around the house, be more present for her, be more attentive and make her feel more loved. At this point I don’t know if she’ll leave me or if she’ll stay, but can someone tell me if it’s possible for her to give me a chance based on actions this time rather than promises I deal with alone.

So I just had my second meeting with my therapist and she said some stuff that’s kinda freaking me out. She said a huge part of ERP is learning to sit in the discomfort ( which in theory is fine) but that INCLUDES accepting that the thoughts might happen. And I’m like?!?!? NO PLEASE????? Like my ocd has latched onto stuff involving hurting others and I REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t wanna do that stuff and the idea of having to accept that it might happen as a part of ERP is making me feel physically ill. Like part of my cycle is like repeating in my head stuff like “ it’s ok, that’s just your OCD talking you are fine and you don’t actually wanna hurt anyone” Idk if I just misunderstood her or what but I’m kinda freaking out at the idea of having to stop doing that and just be like “ ah a bad thought. It’s possible I actually wanna hurt someone. But it’s ok because it’s just a thought” LIKE WTF It feels like if I accept that that stuff “ might” happen or “might” be true I might start to not be as disgusted by the idea of hurting people and I might do it. But I don’t wanna do THAT! Any advice for dealing with this stuff?

Possibly NSFW Hello I am 21 soon to be 22 and struggle with sexual OCD with just right tendencies and all month I struggled to get it all right in time for my birthday coming up eventually I got it to a point where it was manageable I even vowed that I wouldn’t go back but after only about a day or so on Sunday night Palm Sunday I went back because I had a little compulsion get into my head and I gave into to it and it turned into a total disaster various things are now in danger of being “condemned”. now in the aftermath I can’t shake the regret I can’t stop thinking about all the things I could have done other than that and wishing I could go back to the 29th at any time before the disaster struck so that I can change it and I feel like my world has changed and how I broke my vow on a holy day after saying I wouldn’t do it again until much later. I have tried to counter these thoughts by telling myself that nothing has changed it doesn’t matter I made a mistake and now I just need to learn from it and move on and that there’s nothing OCD can actually do to “condemn” the things it wants to condemn but I haven’t been able to get things back to normal and it has taken a great toll on me and my family. I guess what I want to ask with this post is does anyone have any experience with feelings of intense regret and uncertainty and how to deal with it? How can I get back peace of mind and put this behind me?

18+ only! -mention of Sexual detail A couple of months ago, I had a dream and I was aware that I was dreaming. In this dream, I felt more aroused and for some stupid reason, Kim Kardashian appeared and put her butt on my face. I remember waking up from this dream super upset because it was a lucid dream and I felt aroused from this dream, even though I would never want Kim K sexually in any way. I remember I called my boyfriend after I woke up because I felt like I cheated on him in this lucid dream. He felt like it was ridiculous for me to apologize because it was a dream. Im questioning if it fully was a lucid dream since I woke up regretting my decisions and felt awful especially because I felt aroused. I would never do that to my boyfriend irl and feel awful because i was lucid dreaming. Can anyone help explain dreams. I mean I was aware it was a dream but I wouldn’t have made those decisions irl? Is it because I’m still half asleep so I cant make smart decisions???

Anyone else an artist with OCD? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences. How does OCD impact your art-making process? How have you been able to cope with OCD while you make art? Does art help you cope with OCD? Has making art or being proud of what you create been difficult because you have OCD?

tw/ death, sexual mentions i joined this platform because im unsure if i have ocd. ive done research and im becoming increasingly convinced i have symptoms. among many things i dont currently have time to get into, the thing that made me look into ocd was randomly throughout the day, usually unprompted, with people or alone, but especially under stress, my body feels a physical sensation of being stabbed, killed, passing out, or sexual sensations which really bothered me. id spend a lot of time concerned that i was predicting something happening. i started to get ritualistic with some things. i am a devout Catholic, and i love my faith more than anything. i had this habit where every drive i would say “Jesus protect this drive.” this turned into very vividly visualizing crashes, and i made sure to say “Jesus protect this drive” multiple times. it feels like especially in religious settings these spike up, which i hate. its made my faith suffer, and then i obsess over existential faith topics like salvation, ive suffered heavily from convincing myself of predestination, meaning ive been obsessed with the idea that im probably destined for hell. i know its not true, which i hate because i feel like im betraying God by thinking this. i know He has the power to save and i trust in His mercy. but i am terrified of death. 2 months ago, my school had a blood drive, and whenever anyone mentioned it to me i physically felt all of the blood sucking out of my veins, like it was being taken from me. im terrified of bodily functions, and the fact that theres organs and a heart and blood floating around inside of me terrifies me and it spikes a lot of my somatic sensations. this has become a multiple times a day thing. i truly only started looking into ocd about a week ago. if anyone has any advice, im definitely open to hearing similar experiences. i have no access to a mental health professional, because my parents dont believe in it and belittle me whenever i bring it up. i still live with them so any help with that is pretty off limits for now. they track my purchases so ive never considered online therapy. my relationship with them is fine other than mocking or neglecting emotional and mental needs. if anyone has a similar experience or anything that helps them, i would love to hear!

If your OCD was cured, what happens to the guilt? The guilt tethers us to OCD, and for some of us real-event sufferers, it keeps us accountable. So I don't think OCD is ever truly "cured." This is why I wouldn't want to just wish it away. Would you want to cheat to get a perfect body? Dope yourself up so you have perfect muscles without going through the hard work to obtain it? I think the same can be said for OCD. Would we simply want to wish it away, or would we want to work hard on it, day by day, so our pain and guilt can be turned into strength?

my friend told me how when he was in middle school told him that if he made a table for her she would let him slap her bottom. when i heard that story for some reason i started having groinal arousal, but i also i perceived that story in an automatic arousing/attractive way in my brain even if i was against the context. was it maybe the act itself? did my brai age up the scene? is this normal?

I have this drive to be amazing.. but I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t do hobby’s other than like 1. I have no friends. (Therefore I’m always with my girlfriend) which isn’t healthy. After work I sit inside all day. And scroll. And scroll. and scroll. My rocd makes me feel disconnected from my girlfriend which I hate. I just feel. Lost. I want to be great. I want to have a story worth telling. But I’ve lost sight during a chapter.

I don’t want to be a people pleaser but I also want to break free from trauma. But I never want to hurt anyone like my mother I struggle with and her narcissistic tendencies. I always try to avoid situations that might make her mad. Like I want to go on this trip with my aunt but if I go and she saw that would make her angry so if I did I wouldn’t be able to post anything or tell her I went. Or just not care and let her be mad bc I can’t control people if they are mad at me or not. And it’s so hard for me not to care but then it’s like I’m the bad person. I just don’t know what to do. Like she would be mad I went with my aunt instead of her bc she dislikes her or something just as an example but relates to a lot of situations. Like if she’s jealous that’s not my problem but then I want to avoid any contention. It’s hard to explain

I feel a bit anxious to be here, but I want to meet other people who have OCD. It feels really hopeless to me, I don’t feel like I’ll ever beat it. Sometimes I get spurts of hope, and think I should start therapy but then my brain tells me ‘I will forget something important’ and ‘I have to do what I do in order to keep everyone and myself safe’. I don’t know where or how to start, and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been struggling with thoughts that I might be trans, even though I’ve never really felt like a boy. My brain keeps trying to convince me that I’ve been “in denial” my whole life. It points to things like how I used to hang out with boys, have “boyish” humor, or pretend to be a boy with my sister when we were younger, and makes me question if those things mean something deeper. I also notice moments where I feel jealous of boys — like when I saw a video of a boy playing Fortnite. It wasn’t about wanting to be a boy, but more about how boys are treated differently. Girls who play games are often judged or seen as “pick me,” and I don’t like that. Sometimes I worry that this jealousy means I must be trans. This all really started around October last year. Before that, I never felt uncomfortable with being a girl. I got really into a fandom where a popular ship was between two male characters, and they got a lot of attention. I started associating male dynamics with being more interesting or “cool.” I imagined myself in relationships where I was more dominant, but still as a girl — I didn’t actually want to be a boy. Then I saw a video saying “I’m a girl but I want to be in an mlm relationship,” and a comment said that’s how someone realized they were trans. That scared me. I started researching and ended up finding labels like “demigirl,” which I tried to relate to, especially since I was in more alternative spaces where a lot of people identified that way. But it didn’t really stick, and eventually it faded. In November, I had a dream where I was wearing a suit and tie, which really triggered my anxiety. That’s when everything got worse. I started constantly checking my thoughts, feelings, and memories. I began having intrusive thoughts about being a boy, which felt uncomfortable and scary. This has been going on for months now and has affected a lot of my life. Even though all of this is happening, I’ve always imagined myself growing up as a woman. I’ve looked forward to being feminine, wearing certain clothes, and feeling confident that way. Recently, when I did my makeup, I felt really happy and certain in myself — but then the doubt came back. What scares me the most is that sometimes, when the anxiety fades for a second, I get a thought like “what if it would be cool to be a boy?” and it feels like a brief sense of desire, which makes me panic. Alongside this, I’ve had a long history of OCD-like experiences. When I was younger, I had compulsions like needing to touch corners or repeat things a certain number of times. Later, I dealt with existential fears, intrusive thoughts about becoming a bad person, and other intense worries that didn’t feel like me. Now, this current theme about gender feels the same in intensity, but even more confusing because it involves identity.

I remember years ago my bf brought a car from a dealership and I can’t remember any times and timeline there was this sparkly thing in the car maybe like a vent clip or some type of clip idk . I feel like we both found it I just can’t remember when tbh . I don’t know if we found it a few months , weeks , or a year after getting the car . I don’t remember 😭And he reassured me it was probably from previous owner And I think I found it again . I don’t know for sure but the fact that he didnt throw it away must mean something bc if he was guilty he would’ve throw it away the first time we seen it . But idk if I’m remembering this correctly .Fast forward years later to now I’m thinking about it again. D I feel like it was a vent clip but I’m not sure what if it was a hair clip . Idk . But either way we had this discussion like 2 3 years ago. I think I remember finding it again .i feel like I would’ve went years with it in the back of my mind and it hasn’t until now . Now and recently we are going through a rough patch bc I found out he has a porn addiction that he hid for 5 years . That has definitely lost my trust in him But tbh I never caught him texting anyone in those 5 years . But with the porn I would find throughout the years but I didn’t know it was an addiction and I didn’t know it was that frequent . And I don’t think he would go that far to physically cheat . Do I move on from this ? Any advice ?I feel like I would’ve been knew he cheated physically . I feel like would’ve been revealed to me. Plus I don’t even remember exactly anybtign from that. It’s like it’s all jumbled up in my memory . Ik it was real definitely but I can’t put the pieces together

supposed to be Starting zoloft tonight and feeling very hopeful for it to help with OCD. But i’m afraid it’s going to cause me low libido. (female btw) and my dose will be 25mg. this is one of the main reasons i didn’t wanna take meds for ocd but i got desperate so. Let me know please :)

Semantics matter. Please understand going into this post, I am not particularly upset about this, it's just an observation I've had over the years and am curious if anyone else feels the same. The word "compulsion" has multiple implications inOCD. Sometimes, the compulsion is strong enough that it just happens without thought. But, often, I find myself weighing the options of doing the compulsion or not doing the compulsion and deciding that doing it is easier, even if it takes extra time. What's 5 minutes, you know? I'm not sure that compulsion is the best word for this feeling, since to some degree, it is a conscious decision to not resist it in that moment. I would even argue that sometimes it is necessary to prioritize which compulsion to address first. I've absolutely consciously allowed myself to partake in less harmful/disruptive compulsions, while trying to address more severe/important ones. Another term I hear a lot within the therapeutic context is this concept of "life or death" when referring to the feeling that comes with needing to do a compulsion. Perhaps I'm being too literal, but this phrasing feels too alarmist and almost like mockery to me. I know, in the front of my conscienceness that whatever the fear is will not be the end of the world, but that doesn't make it easier to resist the compulsion and it doesn't reduce the anxiety. Understanding it logically does not stop OCD. Do you agree or disagree with my reaction to these words? Are there any other terms or phrases that bother you?

It used to feel like OCD but now my mind is telling me I truly want to be trans and always have and that the relief I feel when imagining being trans is all the certainty I need. I don’t want to be trans and don’t feel an internal pull toward being a different gender, but I’ve been ruminating for so long that now it feels like trans people’s stories are the only stories I can relate to. I don’t actually want to be a man, but rather just want to feel connected to my feminine body without constantly comparing myself and checking to see if I feel authentic enough. It feels like my brain is gaslighting me and I now am experiencing strong urges and discomfort with my female pronouns that I never felt before. I’ve had a fear of being lesbian/trans for a long time because I know it would blow up my whole life and I already have such a strong fear of being socially rejected. I’ve now isolated myself for so long though to avoid triggers and it feels like I’ve just been hyperaware of this my whole life and all the guys I ever used to like were fake. It’s like my mind is forcing me to see everything through the lens of a man now and like I never truly felt accepted because I wanted the guys I was with to see me as a man, but I don’t want that. It feels like I’m stuck in a state of permanent dissociation and that I will never feel relief until I accept this truth and change my life to align with my mental space. It feels like I’ve been running from the truth and have so much certainty that THIS is what will finally make all my other intrusive thoughts go away and allow my mind to be at rest. I desperately want the relief of knowing why I’ve always felt different and inadequate as a woman, but at the end of the day, I still wish to just be more comfortable in the body I have and not compare myself to other more conventionally attractive women. The more I ruminate and read trans stories, the more I feel like I’m experiencing true dysphoria and have been afraid my whole life because it’s always been true and I’m suppressing it. It feels like I’ve realized something that I can’t undo and that I’ll never be able to remain a woman now. I don’t actually wish to change my body or become more masculine presenting because I do still enjoy feminine hobbies and looking like a woman, I just feel discomfort with the way women are sexualized. I wish I could just let this all go and realize that this is all my mind trying to force me into being certain about being trans because a normal cis woman wouldn’t experience this constant self doubt, even though it didn’t use to feel gender related at all. I would so much rather just be comfortable in potential bisexuality or even being gay, but when I imagine that now my mind tells me that I am a gay man. I don’t want this, I just want to escape from the nightmare in my head.

Anyone feel like their ocd flared up after a medical procedure? Namely surgery?