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Something weird, possibly trivial, recently happened, and it’s puzzling. Don’t know what to make of it. Not sure if I should share.

I have ocd and I just moved to a new apartment wit my bf we only have a few things in here like clothes and food but my bf doesn’t really understand ocd I was worried this place would be dirty cause we don’t have alot of money so alot of the places we have to live are usually dirty and have bugs but this new place was clean freshly painted and brand new carpet I was so excited but there were a few fleas and fleas don’t bother me as much as cockroaches and bed begs but we notified the apartment owners and they had someone come spray today I’ve been nervous bout them spraying some of the stuff I have in here that I’m particular bout so I moved everything and covered everything so no bug sprays would get on it I thought he’d only spray a few corners but flea spray goes all over the carpet and this guy sprayed our brand new carpet in bug spray soaking wet everywere so now I think my entire carpet is contaminated and I no bug sprays are safe but my ocd doesn’t like any kind of sprays on anything so this perfect place new paint and carpet no crazy infestation of bugs is now ruined to me I’ve never panicked like this my bf is mad cause he paid so much money and thinks I’m just being over dramatic and a bitch but my ocd is makeing me like this and I don’t wear perfumes I don’t spray fabric fresheners cause I don’t like it even once it’s dry my ocd doesn’t like it I only like Lysol and disifectints cause they get rid of germs they clean I’m so alone I’m so scared I don’t wanna clean the carpets but still in my mind think they’ll always be covered in spray and I don’t wanna creat an ocd ritual like wipeing my feet every time I wlk on the carpet like even months from now I don’t wanna create an ocd ritual and please don’t be mean bout this being really long.

Fairly long post just need to talk with anyone- Everyday and night I have these moments for a few seconds that just maybe I am not gay bc I did find women attractive in the past and still do a little( Although I think that attraction to women wasnt real and i was just conditioned by hetero culture) and that maybe this is just a product of my intense rumination and anxiety attacks nonstop for months i get this small dose of hopefulness to seek therapy but due how much proof I have and having already believed them that I am gay in denial and like I know it deep down too That tiny hope is again immediately shut down and I give up on therapy and it spikes my depression and anxiety which sends me into ßuicidal ideation. Im deeply confused, now I think and feel Im not even a man and keep feeling like I want to change and that ive always also been a woman and never noticed it again theres proof for this. My whole identity is unstable, my internal monologue is never ending, its active 24/7 driving me mad, im not exxagerating. My brain has most likely shrunk due to how overloaded it is with the dialogues. I have a strong feeling that I am gay and once I accept it itll be over and even after I recover from these obsessive thoughts Ill still be gay and fall for guys, part of me is also afraid of the society which makes me think its a sexual crisis. When I try to accept ok maybe being gay wont be the end of the world I immediately get thoughts that If im gay Im also trans and all the dots are connected instantaneously in my head like what the fuck. Oh and I have a near constant arousal and sensations while having these thoughts. I think Im just afraid of so much sudden change in my life which is why I dont want to accept it. I think thats it. What do I do man, I just constantly feel like killing myself ( I wont do it). English isnt my mother tongue forgive me if its poorly worded. Please help

Does anyone else struggle with extreme anxiety in the morning? It’s like I wake up and my body is already anxious. It calms down towards the evening. It’s really frustrating to try to get moving in the morning when I just want to lay in bed and ignore it.

Anyone have experience taking Luvox (Fluvoxamine) for their OCD?

What are some strategies you use to keep intrusive thoughts at bay between therapy sessions?

I usually post something sad, hopeless and questioning hoping people are feeling my same pain. Today I would like to hear from those with hope. Even if its just in the moment of writing this. Share so much love on this Friday. 💜💚

This post is just serving as a journal entry for, so don’t feel the need to reply, but if you do, thank you! So today was actually a bit better. It started off with me remembering a dream I had. It was my family in a house, not my house but some house I don’t know of. It was Thanksgiving, we were just talking, it was my mom, aunt, and cousins. My older brother was there too, he died last year in June of 2020, but he was there, in my dream, I was surprised to see him but not because I knew he was dead, but because I felt like he was on a vacation. He didn’t speak much, he was in his pajamas, he looked a bit younger then when he died. I remember telling him a lot of stuff but he didn’t really react too much, he was outside of our house in the drive way inside my step dads truck, he was holding our cat and petting him. He didn’t seem upset, but just emotionless. He only smiled and talked a bit when I asked him if he wanted to try the leftover Mac and cheese that I had made. He smiled and said yeah. He loved cheese, it was his favorite food. I never got to make him real Mac and cheese though. But then I woke up, it was a really strange dream. But then after that, I woke up and got on with my day. I made my bed (I sleep on the floor of my living room, it’s hard to sleep in my room). I passed vacuum and just sat down and used my phone. Today was by all means an okay day. I didn’t feel super anxious or dreadful like most days, I felt calmer. I had nothing to eat so I decided to make some food, and kept busy. I had to go to my nearest store to buy tomatoes since the ones we had went bad, the grocery store is walking distance so I just put on my shoes and jacket and walked. But on my way out of my neighborhood, I saw a dead dog, he was just lying there, I was hoping he was just passed out, but he was sadly dead. A car entering asked me if he was mine, I said no, but then he told me it looked like his neighbors dog, and he drove away, I assumed to tell him, but idk if he did. I stayed for a bit wondering what I should do, I even called my mom, she just told me to just leave since there was nothing I could do, I felt really bad, but I just kept going to the store. And further on as I was walking, I saw a dead cat. It was on the sidewalk, that made two dead animals I saw. But I just kept waking only slowing down to see if it was okay, but it wasn’t sadly. I made it to the store, bought what I needed and a bag of chips and left. I was listening to music while walking, I usually listen to sad music regularly, it helps a lot. I walked past the car again and by the time I entered my neighborhood, the dog was covered by a blanket, I don’t know who did that, but I just walked past and went into my house. I called my mom telling her I ran into another dead animal, and she asked me “What do you think that means?”. She’s a very spiritual person, I’m not so much, but I’m not a full non believer either. This all had me thinking it was an omen of some kind and my magical thinking flared up a bit. So as a compulsion I looked up “Spiritual meaning of finding dead animals”. I know I should have but I did. I was surprised when I read that it’s usually interpreted as a transition into something more, something better. That something you have been struggling with for a while is over and you’re moving into better things. I don’t know if I fully believe that, but it was definitely better than what I expected to hear. Last night I was in the middle of acting on my worst compulsion, but then I stopped after realizing how much damage and how much worse it made my life, so I stopped and didn’t feel bad afterwards. And as I was walking today, I walked past people, and I usually get really, really bad sexual intrusive thoughts about anybody I walk past, but this time it didn’t feel as strong. I felt calmer. I don’t know if that “omen” was right and maybe not acting on that compulsion and seeing how truly awful it made my life and choosing to stop was maybe a sign that I’m changing or growing. I didn’t act on it today, didn’t even feel the need to. I felt so much better. I made dinner and just used my phone. I still had moments where my anxiety went up a bit, but not as bad. So I’m happy to say that at least. I’m not a big spiritual person, but I feel better today, hopefully I continue to feel this way and don’t go back on my compulsion, but I’m just happy I didn’t today. So that was my day, nothing else really happened. I genuinely hope that this a new start and that it means that better things are coming.

Well I’m weak. Please help 🥺🆘 I’m scared I saw a girl I said a hot I don’t want any girl to be hot and I’m fine I smiled and I kept looking at her repeatedly and friend I don’t know if I felt something down there it was almost like a ghost thing like I but I’ve never been interested in women and I don’t want to think she is in a fight and that’s what happened but I don’t understand I kept deliberately looking at it I’m scared I smiled and I was going oh look at that in my head and I’m scared I don’t want to be I’m not imagine her naked like I’m scared I don’t like big round boobs I don’t want to change or be interested I don’t want women why did I act like that why did I feel weird in my head and smile weird I’ve never liked them but I don’t want them I’m acting like I’m not OK I don’t want roundness i’m scared I might’ve fell I don’t want to I felt anything I don’t want her to be hot it’s not sexy I don’t want this it’s like I did it deliberately and I don’t know but physically I’m not really feeling anything but I’m scared I feel like a ghost of something but when you know nothing happened I checked nothing happened why did I do that literally why did I feel it goes like I don’t wanna be interested in women As I said I’m not and then can help me I’m not attracted why did I act like that why did I feel in my head and a ghost and I’m scared she’s I don’t want I’m just gonna smell like I said I don’t want to feel something I don’t want to be hot i’m scared I can’t stop smiling but I don’t know nothing feels right I don’t like seeing boobs naked I mean I’m not looking anything but I’m scary I don’t wanna imagine them naked and be OK I don’t wanna start looking for shit and I don’t I don’t know why did I feel like that I felt deliberate I’m frightened I don’t wanna change why do I can’t wait I’m like imagine someone ask me if you don’t like no I want don’t wanna do anything but I’m smiling over I keep calling them but they’re not hot I keep thinking of the big brown boots and I’m scared him I don’t wanna be OK with that I want to be OK with that shit in my head it’s not hot or sexy I’m fine I am I’m not gay but I’m like naked boobs I don’t like the roundness i’m scared I’m not I’m scared like is it it’s OK I’m not changing I’m smiling like it’s not sexy I don’t wanna be Smiling I’m scared I’m smiling too much I don’t wanna I called them but they’re not hot I don’t wanna be OK with the cop can’t stop calling him hot but I don’t wanna be OK with big brown boobs make it is smiling over it I don’t like the little circle around the nipple I don’t like around us a woman who scared I’m not bisexual don’t wanna be like that

People i did like a ten online quiz about if i have ocd they say I have it is this true??? and how can i know if i have ocd? AND PLAEASE DON’T TELL ME TO GO TO THERAPY BECAUSE I’M IN GODDMAN IRAQ

Hi. I really need an advice. Tomorrow my bf, is going to a party, and I started to be super jealous, and in anxiety. Here some specifications. - He is not really my bf, for now, we are dating! But we talked and we decided to be EXCLUSIVE (he asked that to me). - He has very feminine aspects, he went to a school where there were 4 boys and the others where girls! He prefer to talk with girls over boys; he can connect really easily with females, but not with boys. So it is really easier to find him with an another girl talking. Now that last poin for me at first was really a problem, because I thought that he was giving only to me that "special attention"! Than I found out that it is just his personality; but I am REALLY jealous at the idea of him "creating a strong connection" with an another woman. I understand that it is his way of being, and he doesn't do it to flert with others; but I am scared that other girls misunderstand, and start to want something with him! I know that I can't ask him to start do something that doesn't make him comfortable (like hang out more only with male friend)... that would just be selfish, but I also hate the fact that out there other girls considerate him as the the guy who you can talk about everything, that is funny, that can understand you very well... the person who you want a life with! I am really scared that someone can take him away from me! (Especially because I have a chronic illness, that make penetrative sex impossible for me... he chose to stay with me anyway; he never make me felt unwanted, but I know that he would love to be able to do it...) Tomorrow he will go to a party, with some of his friends! They received a birthday invitation from two girls that find (him and his 2 male friends) cute! The place is far; he will drive so he won't drink! After some times since the invitation; he also asked me if I want to go with them (actually his friend asked me, than he asked me), but I refuse! I wouldn't have known anyone, and I also don't like very much disco! I also find out that he was the one messaging with a girl friend of the birthday girl for deciding what to gift. That surely means that they exchanged numbers... I mean she could have chose one of his single friend.. and he should have said no! But it is just for the gift I think.. I didn't ask him too much, because like I said, we are just dating with exclusivity, and also because I don't want to thight him, or to be oppressive! We both have rocd, so it is a little difficult sometimes, I want to be absolutely sure on everything, and he tenta to be an avoidant... I trust him, and he would not cheat on me. In the worst case he would left me before... I really think so, but my feelings keep me so jealous and in anxiety and I hate that! :( Another things that makes me really upset is the fact that he keeps all his door open! All the females with this special bond (he never date them or anything; but they asked him and he posticipate or say no) would be always ready to be with him, he never "shut" those opportunities! Sorry for the long message. I had to throw it out from my head... My question is, how can I deal with jealousy, especially to accept this part of him? Or at least, what could be a compromise that we can talk about?

My ocd is gaslighting me and distorting my reality so bad. I don't know what's more likely or less likely to happen. Everything just feels so likely to happen. I can't differentiate between my own judgment or if it's just my ocd talking. I can't move forward and make decisions because I don't know which ones are my real actions and which ones are just driven by my obsessions. I feel like every single action I take is a compulsion. I don't see myself anymore, I have no distinction between the real me and my ocd taking control of me. I don't know what to do or what I want to do because I've always let ocd choose what's best for me. I don't know if I still can make my own decisions, if it's always ocd doing all the decision-making for me.

I feel like God hates me to let me suffer like this…

So I haven’t posted on here in a while. Mainly because I’m not anxious but the thoughts are still pinging around in there. They definitely still feel real. But now I’m caught up on the fact that we sit in silence a lot and just play our games or watch tv. But with other people I can talk for a long time. It might be because we live together and I know it’s honestly unrealistic to expect us to be talking 24/7, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like it’s actually a problem

I’m scared I imagined boobs wet and I’m scared I smiled and something happened down there but before writing this I checked and there’s nothing I don’t like my boobs I’m scared him I’m not I don’t wanna give him up I am more than into him I don’t like boobs wet or otherwise why did I smile and why did I act so chill like I was OK I don’t wanna be OK with anything happening over something like that I’m scared I might’ve I don’t know if I felt something I don’t want to give him up I don’t want him to go and I’m scared to make faces like I’m not just going through the motions I really do love him and I’m scared I don’t want him to go away I love his chest muscles I love that he doesn’t have tits and I’m scared and I don’t want to be why did I smile and act so chill why did I feel something however slight I don’t like boobs and I smiled I smart like I was so OK with it I don’t want to be by I’m not by I can’t be and I don’t wanna and I keep saying that just anything I’m not over him I am scared I’m scared I’m just I don’t I’m scared 🙂 I don’t want to just anything I’m not attracted to both sexes and I’m not just anything I’m scared I’m looking at him like he’s he’s not ugly I said far from his I said not he is gorgeous I don’t understand I’m scared I have I don’t want to have gotten over him and switched I’m scared there’s lots of I don’t want both why did I smile you should’ve seen the way I smiled and said I don’t like boobs in any condition and I don’t wanna be getting over him and I struggled and said so what lots that I don’t want lots of other guys I’m scared it’s so sad like I said fake it’s not because he’s amazing I don’t want web boobs why did I ask chilling smile I acted totally OK Lycos like I smiled like it is and that I’m scared wet boobs are not hot why do they smile like that I’m scared I made a face like no not I love pectorals I acted like I was like they’re overrated they’re not I literally made a face shook my head and dismiss them and I don’t like how I act at all I didn’t act all hot I don’t know you should’ve seen the way I smiled I’m scared of how I felt on the inside smiling over them I don’t like my boobs I don’t wanna be bi or gay I don’t care if no one else has a problem with it. You should’ve seen the way I am I smiled I said they just so but they’re not hot I don’t wanna be here anymore I’m scared of the face I may dismissing him shaking my head like pets are not the more I don’t like boobs I act like but they’re not hot or sexy I don’t want to change I’m scared I don’t want us to have been always way I’m not by! I’m scared it’s just a fact imagine them and I’m scared I’m in doing that even now making a face kind of rushing them side like I’m scared I’m nodding and I’m acting really happy I don’t want us to discover what really happened that’s what I am I don’t prefer boobs and yet I’m being so dismissive over pectorals I don’t even like boobs I don’t wanna be here I’m scared of the real me and I keep making a face and shaking my head and dismissing it like I make faces like my pics are not gross I love pectorals Why am I I’m scared I’m smiling like nothing really rapidly like I do I don’t like boobs why am I being so dismissive of pectorals I don’t wanna change I made a face like no like literally I’m sitting so dismissive I’m scared I don’t want to look at the naked statue what’s on my work differently and I’m making a face I’m scared I’m not over guys I don’t want to be over pectorals why am I being so dismissive I made a face acted like they were gross and said no one dismiss them with a shake my head I want pecs I don’t want the alternative

Why is my mind trying to turn me into a horrible and violent person?? This has never been me ever, i just want it to stop!!

Did anyone have these thoughts as kid? My mind is now saying well you had these thoughts as a kid and people know as a kid about their sexual orientation and now this all proof because I had these thoughts when I was younger… It triggers me so much when people say “you would know because you would have known since you were a kid” Can anyone relate? Please

Genuinely did a horrifying exposure yesterday and it was tough but I made it through it. I just hate that every show I now watch anything sexual or any nudity freaks me out and I will get the groinal even before I can fully tell what the scene is because my mind has linked the fear so deeply. And OCD is SO, I mean SO funny. Like one instant My SOOCD theme is telling me I’m bisexual and must leave my boyfriend to experiment when I legit DONT want to experiment. Later on in the evening, I’m feeling romantic towards my boyfriend and “make a move” and he was tired and turned me down (the first time ever) and my ROCD made me totally lose it then because I started freaking out that he wasn’t into me and what if our love isn’t right and on and on. This is my life. And I hate this bully of a disorder.

Hi, I'm feeling kinda lost with my false memory. I guessed that's kind of the whole deal about it hahahah. But i would really appreciate knowing some of the symptoms if anyone wanna share. I'm aware it's different for everyone but just to give me so clarity in the subject. Mine for example its connected with a real event, but there's a part of the "memory" that i don't remember, so my ocd made me ruminate for like 2 years now, about what happened in those minutes that i don't remember (obviously the major fear its harming o raping someone)

Also I’m very scared to do try the initial therapist call cause I’m scared to hear something I don’t want to hear