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i saw this post on @obsessively_anxious insta and it really stood out to me. it stated “you didn’t act on your other thoughts, but this time it’s different…” this is how i feel right now with the thoughts of my sisters boyfriend. is anyone else experiencing this? she means ocd will try everything in its power to make you feel like your case is different everytime.
I’m scared I even try to watch an animal crossing video and they were girl characters and said I don’t want to notice how hot it was sex your pretty girls are how lame is that and I’m scared I don’t know if I was feeling anything down there I don’t wanna start noticing girls and they’re I don’t wanna call them pretty like that I don’t wanna notice how hot or sexy any girl is i’m scared of the way I was smiling like I was liking the hair in the I don’t wanna start liking women of any species real or fake and I hate this a lot I don’t want to start noticing this I’ve never thought women were pretty like that I was basically checking to animal girls out and I don’t like it I don’t wanna like any girls real or fake any species I don’t wanna notice how pretty they are I don’t like girls I don’t like the way I’m smiling at them I don’t wanna change it I’m scared I’m not over guys and I’m not into girls and I don’t know and I hate it
Why do I freak out when a guy wants to hangout 😭😭 like I’m so nervous to date ugh
For those of you that need it today. Excerpt from “Because We Are Bad: OCD and a Girl Lost in Thought” by Lily Bailey.
Are there any movies or tv shows that trigger some of you ? I watched one that triggered me a little bit but I was able to sort of overcome that trigger.The movie was Moonlight , it’s a really great movie and I would even recommend some of you to watch , I got triggered sometimes but I guess I moved on with a major exposure , feeling happy about this
the guilt and shame from my thoughts just won’t go away. i wanna go shopping? “no you’re a sick person!” i graduated? “you don’t deserve to be happy.” i wanna eat? “no you don’t deserve it” im so so so tired dude.
It's been getting so difficult to consider intrusive thoughts as "unreal." I continuously pick up on certain things my partner says and have intrusive thoughts on their morals. It's getting so tiring :(
My bf has been dry lately and I’m worried he doesn’t like me but he did tell me in beginning he was bad txter and dry. And even when he says he’s not mad I still think he is
I don’t know if my love really loved me or not. It’s crazy. I keep feeling like she love bombed me and got what she wanted and left. What’s even worse is she left me with the crib, not responsible for any debt, and said don’t worry about anything. It just makes me feel like I’m not seeing something🤷🏾♂️ All on top of moving to Delaware with her sister right away and getting a job within the next week. Am I tripping? But I just can’t seem to shake this thought. All on top of that my neighbor just started being extra nice to me and we been hanging out but she’s like invasive. Asking way too many questions. Then I get this weird text. Please talk this out with me.
It’s a lovely Saturday, so if you have any questions for someone that’s recovered from every OCD theme under the sun, send me those questions below! 🥳
I wanted to share something positive for everyone. It's a long one By no means am I a success story yet but I am working hard towards it. 12 years ago when I was first diagnosed, I became a success story. I did the work and gave up "control" and lived a symtpom free life for 12 years. I never forgot what happened and the pain but it was in my rear view mirror and just something that happened. Fast forward to December 17, 2021 and boom, triggering thought, and I knew exactly what was going on. Even though I knew what was going I went straight back into the old compulsions. I wanted "control." I didn't want what happened to happen again. Well, it did. I went straight down the slide. I stopped sleeping, eating and was just in constant fight of flight. Intrusive thought after intrusive thought with rumination and compulsions. The first thing I did was get into NOCD and I got an appointment. From the first go round I knew I needed specialist help. The problem was that I was trying to help myself by reading every book on OCD and trying to find the "magic pill" of information that set me free. I already knew about ERP and the thoughts not being me but my OCD so I was trying to self start my recovery but while I thought I was helping myself by reading and trying to re-educate myself, I didn't realize what I was doing was a compulsion and just feeding the cycle. There is a fine line for me in terms of looking for info and seeking out reassurance and I was crossing it all the time. Well, I realized it. Deleted every ebook off my phone. Only came on the app for therapy and to throw a post down (but I realized maybe that could become a compulsion, or it kept me in the thought loop of OCD, OCD, OCD). So, I stopped doing that as well. My other compulsion is really rumination which is a bit more difficult but I am trying. Now I am about 8 days into not doing any compulsions, except the odd rumination, which I try to catch quickly. I have seen significant improvement in things but have had days of set backs, I think really triggered by the fact that I had no sleep in a month and was going back and forth about starting on meds. Again, a control issue. I have been doing ERP daily, even on my worst days. On Thursday I could barely get off the couch. I was so tired and frustrated. The intrusive thoughts weren't so much there it was the exhaustion and the weight of making a choice to take some meds or not. What really helped was a good talk in therapy. Well, I decide to take the meds and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Not because of the meds but because of the choice and not to worry or ruminate on it anymore. Yesterday, I felt the best I have in a month. Thoughts were still there but came and went. Anxiety was low and my enjoyment for life was back. I felt like "me." Today is much the same. Thoughts come in and out more. And the rumination is less. I am on day 3 of meds so I am sure that may or may not be helping, but I am putting it down to a combination of these things. 1. Ceasing trying to "control" everything. 2. Stopping the compulsive seeking of knowledge/reassurance. 3. Better sleep 4. The meds but the say it takes weeks to see improvement and I am only on day 3. 5. Quality therapy 6. A super support group around me. Wife, kids, friend. 7. And probably most important. DAILY ERP All this said. There is hope out there. Even on Thursday I thought there was no hope. I had had great days prior to that but in that moment I could not see the progress I had made. I may have been at my lowest point and 2 days later I feel like I am at a great point. Hopefully it continues. For now I will take it 1 day at a time and be grateful for it all. I wish you all the best. There is hope even when it is dark. I wanted to share with everyone who needs a positive story. Hopefully mine will continue down that path but I know that I don't have "control." I can only try to make positive choices and choose the path that I want to live regardless of what my OCD brain tells me. You can do this!
I only want to love him. Can I choose to love him or can I have to leave? I am so scared of my visit to psychiatrist for diagnosis. I don't want to lose him. Please, I want it to be ocd. Because od it's not OCD I will have to leave him because I'm horrible person. I can love him in my own way, right? He told me is happy with me. Even I have doubts from beginning, even I'm not so romantic person which later turns obsession I want love him. I want him in my life. Don't take him, please...
To Roman Catholics who've recieved guidance for scrupulosity... afaik, scrupulous people have been counseled to do whatever they doubt is a sin. Have you ever worried that you would stop being scrupulous (one of the 10% of cured OCD cases) and still live by this "when in doubt" rule despite it not applying to you? How were you instructed to deal with that fear? I go through cycles of "what if I'm not scrupulous" "well I doubt it so I probably am" *calms down* "oh shoot what if-" and I see the cycle but how can I break it when breaking it seems to mean it has come true?
What was your age when you got to know you have OCD?
This triggered me and now I'm crying😭😭😭. I really love herr and why is it my fault If I'm young to love. Cant we be together forever 😭😭😭. Someone help I'm crying 😭😭😭😭
I don’t wanna break up! I am up crying all morning. I ruined my own birthday yesterday! I want to love him! I have my period but even before it was sorta like like! I held his hand one day and cried!!! Why would I cry for a man if I didn’t love him!! Why!? I know I would’ve walked away! Can ROCD truly make you believe you found truth and make you not love your partner!!!?? Can it honestly get this bad!!!!
I saw a video on tiktok about pinworms and since it honestly has turned my life upside down. I was convinced I had them because I had possibly symptoms. I couldn’t tell if the symptoms were psychological and caused by my anxiety or not, so i went and bought medicine to get rid of them incase. then, i began to panic MORE because i realized the box of medicine likely maybe had pinworm eggs on it, as those who have them buy the medicine. ever since i have constantly cleaned everything, i cannot leave my room without shoes as i am scared i will pick them up on my feet, my hands are raw from hand washing, i just genuinely cannot feel comfortable in my own home right now and it is horrible. worst of all, i have met a guy i like a lot and i would love to go hang oht with him but i am so scared i will somehow spread them to him without knowing. i still keep feeling symptoms but have constantly checked and see nothing. i really am drained mentally and physically. i cannot tell whether my symptoms are in my head or not. im so tired. i plan to start with an ocd therapist soon. for now i have tried to cut back on compulsions but it feels so hard as i feel my logic that eggs couldve likely been on the medicine i bought. i am not seeking reassurance in this, more so just venting. i hope to be able to get back to living my life without a constant fear over this parasite :(
I am so close to the edge right now and I don’t know what to do. I truly feel like giving up. It all started when a doctor I saw at amen clinics told me that if I drink it increases chances of acting on my violent intrusive thoughts. It freaked me out because I drank before I had severe ocd but I did have ocd my whole life and I was so scared that my mind was gonna be sure that I killed someone and then actually kill someone because of that. Then it took him 2 days to clarify and send a response where he totally changed his words and said he doesn’t believe I would pose a risk more than anyone else. But that was after I already started getting the what if I believed I did so I do thoughts. A couple of days later it was my birthday and I was feeling so depressed ever since the doctor incident feeling irredeemable and so alone because I was sure noone else was told such a thing by a reputable doctor especially after he brain scanned me. I felt I was alone and I would be the only case that actually acts on my thoughts. Anyway it was my birthday and I said fuck this shit, I’m not gonna be miserable on my birthday and never drink again because of this doctor I am gonna choose myself for once. And so I drank. For some reason I didn’t feel as guilty for that time but a couple of days after I was still feeling very bad and I decided I wanted to enjoy my lunch with my boyfriend and I ended up drinking 2 glasses of wine even though it wasn’t even my birthday. I guess I figured since I had done it before it wouldn’t make much of a difference. But my bf suggested I do weed gummy instead from now on so I got some and when I got home I was telling him I shouldn’t do that today because I already drank. And he said it wouldn’t make a difference and I didn’t wanna disappoint him for some reason and I thought I would just stay up till I felt right if anything. So I ate half of a weed gummy. I didn’t feel much except a bit tired and hungry. And I slept and was fine the next day. But the following day I was reminded of the doctor’s response that he wrote on top of the clarification email where he said “I dont see how me telling you to avoid too much alcahol is controversial in any way. What I said has no effect on the events that occured till now.” Another confusing ass email. Getting my mind to think oh so me drinking recently could have made me do things? So I called to clarify and then he said that is not what he meant. But anyway after that I started to feel very guilty about the other day drinking two glasses of wine and doing half of a weed gummy. I feel like I didn’t know what effects the gummy would have but I took the chance and risked peoples lives. Over my selfishness and inability to say no. Even if it doesnt mean that I hurt people after, I didn’t know that and was afraid that it would increase the chances of me being out of it but I did it. And I just cannot forgive myself. Then ever since thinking about that and the guilt, I now keep getting what ifs. What if the triggers from my guilt make me snap, what if the doctors thing and all these triggers make me irredeemable and the only one to snap, what if watching the video yesterday of the ocd coach saying just let everything bad happen makes me snap, what if my period hormones make me snap and etc. Before I was able to say well if anything happens its not me its ocd but now after I put peoples lives at risk I feel like I can’t and don’t deserve to say that and that the what ifs could come true because I did an unredeemable act of drinking wine and half a weed gummy when it wasnt even my birthday. I feel unworthy of life and I feel like I am ruined and that I could believe all my what ifs or that I did it before and I could do it for real or maybe already have done it. My mind is so tangled there seems like no point of return. I am dying 😞 I don’t know what to do
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
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