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Wondering if anyone is in the same boat… For a bit of background, I’m 21 now and am away at university and have finally taken the first steps towards getting mental health help, but I can’t help but wonder why none of my many signs of ocd were caught by those around me sooner 😕 Beginning at around the age of 8 years old (maybe even younger to be honest) I had a compulsion to step on cracks just the right way, if I didn’t step on the very middle of the crack I would stop, go back and do it over again. If I turned my head around once, I needed to do it on the other side to be even, same thing with bumping into doors or walls, if I did it to one arm I needed to go back and do it to the other for symmetry. At school during quizzes or assessments I was almost always the last one done as I would double check my answers 10-20 times as a compulsion. My biggest was and still is knocking on wood three times, at my worst I was doing this from 50-100 times a day. Needless to say some of these (plus many many more) were pretty obvious, and looking back now I’m just kind of frustrated that no adults noticed and, if they did, especially during my younger years, that therapy or ERP wasn’t considered or suggested. I’m in a place now where I’m finally able to seek out mental health support myself, however it’s just frustrating there’s a 7 month wait list at my school when this likely could’ve been addressed over a decade earlier 😔

TW Real Event OCD and POCD 18+ Don’t ignore…Please help Even if it’s not reassurance just please help somehow I feel like I’m going crazy because this has been bothering me for so long to the point I can’t focus and I feel like I deserve to give up… If back then I was a teenager with no bad intentions at all not even aiming to make a mistake but I make a really bad mistake but I didn’t know it at the time or didn’t know any better until much later than should I be worried? I had a embarrassing tickling fetish when I was younger and I would look it up on ifunny a lot and I would look up just the fetish itself and I also unfortunately struggled with masturbation at this time as well and I non willingly came across certain people or things I shouldn’t have even though they were innocent normal videos and memes or whatever, I guess you can say I was at the wrong place at the wrong time? I don’t know but I’m scared to death of the what if’s. What if it was immorally wrong and I deserve to die? I have talked to my first therapist and my mom about it and my mom said to let it go that I’m being way too hard on myself and that I’ve punished myself enough but I feel as though she is lying to me. I’m going to talk about it with my therapist tomorrow and I’m worried to talk about it but I’m so desperate for help at this point. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be a monster? I never have and never will. I feel so much guilt and I know I would NEVER make the same mistakes again. But the thought of I was a monster back then and it makes me one now is absolutely terrifying 💔

Does anyone else experience something similar? So I don’t know how long I’ve had ocd but the earliest I can remember it really is november 2020 I think, it may have been before that but I’m not sure. In November 2020 I watched a movie that was trending on tik tok called Megan is missing (it’s hard for me to even type that) and it affected me a lot. I was 13 nearly 14 when I watched it. And I was already sensitive to some of the things in it like the r word cause I’m 2019 I watched 13 reasons why ( I never even used to be able to say or type that) when I was 12 after my cousin mentioned it and I watched it out of curiosity. It’s weird because with 13rw it had me upset for so so long but at the same time I had this sort of attachment to Hannah and I liked the show but at the same time it was obviously SO SO sad and triggering. The suicide scene got removed about a week after I watched it so I did see that aswell. But my obsession with titanic took my mind off it mostly but I’m always thinking about Hannah a lot and she’s drifting back in a lot. Like it’s fine cause she doesn’t scare me like it does when I get intrusive thoughts about Megan is missing because that scares me a lot. Obviously some of the things that happened to Hannah are very scary but when I think of her or 13 I don’t get scared I just get sad. But my thoughts keep telling me that I’ll end up doing what Hannah did in the future, but Hannah does have a place in my heart cause I know she’s fictional and everything and she brought me lots of sadness but she brought me happiness in her happy scenes and she’s just special to me cause I’ve “known” her for nearly 3 years now and I also get very nostalgic when I think about the first time I watched it. Anyway, I only told someone I watched these things about a month ago. (A couple of friends knew I watched 13 but yeah) I was just getting so many intrusive images of Megan is missing and I needed to tell someone so I told one of the teachers I trust and they phoned my mum. The teachers are thinking this is what cause my ocd maybe because no one in my family has it and it can be caused by a traumatic experience or something. They said it’s good because I at least have a possible reason and I think that but at the same time I don’t want it to be the reason because if it is then that means I’ve been going through this pain because of something I watched in 2020. I only told someone about my ocd in march 2021. I remember it was the 18th march and I just needed to tell someone because thinking about it now I can’t believe I kept it to myself for that long because of obviously all the rituals I was constantly doing and the horrible thoughts etc. i didn’t really understand what was happening at first. But I just don’t have motivation to do anything anymore and I just can’t be arsed. And the trigger words are always in my head and it says it will happen to me, because it can literally happen to anyone so easily. I know no one has probably read this far and I don’t blame you but has anyone else had a similar experience?

I came back from my job interview today and I went to sleep after I came back I woke up checked my email and I see that I have been rejected I was so close to getting the job I feel like such a failure now I even told my family I don’t understand what I did wrong in the interview

Hello everyone! My name is Paul, I'm 29 year-old guy from Russia. English is not my native language, so I apologize for grammar. Anyway...I'll try to describe my problem. Currently I'm suffering from POCD, and I feel like I'm dying, it's really terrible and scary. This is just like one big mess in my head, and i feel really confused. Everything began 3 weeks ago, when I saw some news about pedofiles on YouTube. After that a thought just popped up in my head: "What if i might become or already be a pedofile?!" I said: "naah, bullshit seems I'm just tired", and I went to sleep. On the next day I woke up with anxiety and this thought. Later on after few days my condition developed further and worsened, other symptoms added. I immediatly contacted my psycotherapist. I've been working with him for 7 years, and he helped me a lot, when I had hypohondria, HOCD, schizophrenia OCD etc.This time once again he explained everything, and told me what to do...but...I feel like I can't. Everytime when I try to do ERP, I stop it because of panic fear and anxiety. Even though doctor said that this is just OCD, I'm still confident that I'm turning into pedofile or have some sexual disorder. The reason that makes me think this way is that every symptom feels real..that groinal resonse, some sensations in body, very similar to sensations when you look at adult attractive girl. I can't say that I have real arousal but...I'm afraid that I feel attraction. It usually happens when I look at 11-14 year-old girls on the street. It's like: why am I looking there? Do I feel something, omg no, seems I have some sensations that looks like attraction...Am I attrected to this girl?! And it repeats over and over again hundred times during the day, I pay attention to every child, every young girl aged 11-15, afraiding that I might feel something. Feel tired and depressed, I don't want to be a pedofile, I wanna stay myself. My entire life I loved only adult girls, sometimes younger, sometimes older but not under age, and was happy living my sexual healthy heterosexual life. I will be really thankful for any words of support, or if you share expirience and thoughts, thank you for reading this.

anyone struggle with SOOCD in a relationship or married? i feel overwhelmed and alone right now. it feels so real.

Hi I’m older than a lot of people on here I think,I’m a 55 year old mother of 3 grown up wonderful children, I want anyone who read’s this to know OCD is without a doubt a serious mental illness but on the right meds and with support it can be navigated,also a belief in a higher power really helps,I read some posts and my heart breaks for the amount of teenagers and young people suffering,it reminds me of my own teens,I’m in a spike at the moment but I’ve had long periods of wellness,I want to tell you recovery is possible and you are some of the strongest people on this planet never forget that 🙏💪🏻❤️

How do you have a relationship with God when OCD makes you such a doubting, fearful, untrusting person?

Been doing amazing recently, having a few bad days, eating a gluten free diet seemed to be helping, so I’m going to try that instead of eating lots of unhealthy bad foods. Intense violent / weird intrusive thoughts and high anxiety 😒

Hey, I would like to ask some Christians for advice. (it is long ) :) It would be nice if someone could give their opinion or biblical advice to this please. When I was not really a Christian I lied about some things to my partner as an example , I told that a person that I once kissed (not a serious thing) is just a friend of me , because I was ashamed and did not want to worry him about this person and think of me bad. Another thing was that I told that I didn’t had some feeling for my ex even tho I did a little , but It was a private thing for me and I didn’t wanted to make this information make another person worry because it was my „own“ battle, so I lied sometimes but it didn’t affected anything it made me just get over my past faster. Now that I‘am more of a Christian I feel a lot of guilt about the way I lied to my partner because it was a sin (even tho it was somehow protection). I feel like even tho I asked god for forgiveness and told the person in general that I lied sometimes (not on which topics), I feel like god won’t forgive me until I totally confess every lie even tho it may hurt the person unessecary because this Information is not relevant for the other person and would just make them insecure for no reason because these things do not make me or my behavior different and I would not do it again .

Any other teenagers here ? 19 year old whose been struggling wit this for 5-7 years . I am scared it’ll still negatively affect me in my adulthood . Is there anyone that would want to talk? I could use support right now .

I don't know what to do and am panicking. If anyone could read this and give me advice I'd appreciate that so much. So I'm 18 years old and in highschool. Today on the bus somebody I didn't know came and sat by me which is normal bc often the bus is overcrowded but they kept looking over at the schoolwork i was doing and I was like... Ok. Then they started talking to me and I was talking to them which is fine, they asked me my age and I told them, then we reached their stop so they asked me for my number, which I gave them bc Idk why not, assuming they just wanted to chat and maybe be friends, and they left. So later today I'm texting with them and wanted to know what grade they're in so I asked them. They're a freshman. So immediately I started panicking. Like oh no, what if I accidentally did something predatory by talking to them, etc. But that was fine bc I thought you know, we'd talk for like 5 mins, I'd probably never speak to them, whatever. But they keep texting me now. They want to play video games with me. They want to show me a book they like tomorrow. I'm freaking tf out. Not like they've said anything remotely romantic or I would obviously shut the situation down immediately but even if it's not romantic at all I don't want to be friends with someone 3 yrs younger than me. Sounds like an exact situation to cause me maximum anxiety, and even if I didn't have POCD it would be weird bc nobody does that. But I don't want to be rude and tell them I don't want to talk to them bc of their age and I don't even know how I would phase that, so I'm freaking out rn. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't know what to do please help.

Does anyone feel like their mental health challenges have become their identity? And if you have and overcame it, what was it that really helped you? Lately I’ve felt that that’s what I’ve been feeling since I was diagnosed with OCD and depression 2 and 1/2 years ago. And I think that was part of my processing phase, so I won’t say I was wrong for that. And that phase for sure can vary between people. But I’m just wondering if it’s time for me to step out of that thinking now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok, I have a question. How do you do ERP? It seems like that’s the most recommended way to deal with OCD, I have an idea of what it entails but it kinda scares me. I can’t afford an OCD therapist so this is something I’d have to do on my own, I just don’t know how.

Social media & OCD: My first intense episode was back in the fall of 2021. I posted a book that had a huge impact on me on my IG stories and tagged the author. My intention was to simply share because I enjoy to and then out of no where I saw that the author saw my tagged post in her DM. And, I began to overthink why she didn’t repost my post but was reposting others tagged post. I rationalized. I told myself this will past. But, I found it so crazy I was overthinking it. Then, realized the thought wasn’t leaving and I feared I would obsess about it forever. I was so scared. I felt like I lost my identity. I got treatment and started to feel better. Until recently, it’s happening again. I shared another book and tagged the author. The author saw it and thanked me with a sweet message. It was nice she responded. But! Then I noticed she was reposting other peoples tagged post of her book and I began to overthink why not mine. I come up with these stories in my mind similar to what happened in my first episode. Another thing that’s happening is that I signed up to work with a coach because I felt she could really help me. Once I signed with her, I started to think will she follow me back on IG? And I’m like why am I thinking this!? It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t bother me. None of the above should either but my mind keeps thinking of it and it truly makes me feel like sh*t. Like something is wrong with me. Can anyone relate? I feel like I’m the only one that struggles with these kinds of thoughts. Thoughts that seem so silly and stupid to me. I really thought I was working passed my first episode but can’t believe it’s happening again. Social media is triggering me. And I’ve even muted these people so I don’t see them and get more triggered. I also am lowering my time spent on social media. I feel like OCD is ruining my experiences and the things that are having a big impact on me and my potential relationships. And of course I doubt If its OCD. It sucks. I’m looking for a therapist to get help. I dont want my thoughts to dictate my actions and experiences. Just needed to let it out and expose it all. Thank you for reading ✨🙌🏼🙏🏼💛

I was on my way to the train station and someone stopped me because they needed help looking for something. I didn't want to say no because I didn't want to come off as rude to that person. They needed help lifting a cart up the stairs so I helped them. But they also didn't have any money to get past the fee to ride the Subway. I paid but she kept talking to get my attention. This time I got really stuck on what to do because something told me I wasn't supposed to open the door that is push only. But I did it anyway because I didn't want to seem rude or like a bad person for rejecting a Samaritan in need. This one event has given me the most anxiety and it's still messing with me to the point where I'm tearing up. I feel like I just committed a crime by helping that person. I feel like I did something terrible. I wouldn't normally do that myself if I were alone but at the same time that person needed my help and I just wanted to do something good and helpful for someone for a change. I just can't get over it. I can't calm down. I can't shake it off and just move on like most other people would. I'm just left with heavy anxiety and overthinking. I guess what I'm supposed to do is not get anyone to tell me that this is not a bad thing or that I'm fine, but instead to just sit there and let it bother me. This feels terrible. I feel like a criminal.

Hi all ❤️‍🩹 I’m “kind of” new to this and would greatly appreciate any insight. (Back story) After a panic attack in 2017 I started to experience very random and negative intrusive thoughts towards my significant other. These thoughts affected my every day life for a while, but I was able to keep them under control for the most part. Some of these thoughts consisted of: “What if I don’t actually love my partner?” “Why is my brain telling me I have to leave my partner?” “Am I attracted to my partner?” “I think there is someone out there better for me..” And many many more! Mind you, I was/ still am in a very loving relationship with a wonderful man. After months of these thoughts they didn’t mean so much to me and I was able to return back to my “normal” life with the thoughts only occurring once in a while. Anyway, that was just a bit of background of when I first started to notice symptoms of OCD. Recently, I believe I developed a new theme of OCD; Harm OCD. After accidentally (truthfully accidentally!) eating a THC edible I was thrown into a terrible state of panic, anxiety and paranoia. I was experiencing terrible intrusive thoughts while in the height of the high & now those thoughts have apparently, come to stay. I was on FaceTime with my mom a few days after the incident (at this point I still didn’t feel like myself and was certainly experiencing derealization). A random thought popped into my head, “What if I want to hurt my mom?“ “do I want to hurt my mom?” This thought made me spiral. For the past few days I keep getting these thoughts. When I am around her I am so tense and anxious because I can not even fathom ever hurting the person that means the most to me. These thoughts are quite literally torturing me. I now worry about if I accidentally will harm her because my mind is telling me to, or my mind will cause me to write out a plan to hurt her ( I read that this is what “real” killers would do). Mind you, I have never even hurt and fly and these harm thoughts completely came out of nowhere for me. Truthfully, I believe these are the worst possible thoughts that could have popped into my mind because I love and adore my mom dearly.

Does anyone whos been through trauma and ocd or just ocd alone feel like they’ve changed like not the same happy go lucky person you use to be. Maybe have a outlook on life that isn’t has positive as it once was? My parents told my wife that I’ve changed but I’ve been through a lot and it’s only been 2 years like I expect people to be as positive as they once were to some extent. Idk maybe just me.

Can anyone help me with this? It doesn't really matter in what kind of relationship I am, friends family, partners, its all the same, except that with partners it's worse. It's over analysing everything that happens. It's when I send my partner a heart and he doesn't send it back. But when we're together I know he's like the most affectionate person I know. I'm just constantly doubting whether he still likes me or not. It's like with everything that happens my OCD tries to find something that makes me doubt his feelings for me. It's terrifying because I don't want to lose him but I know that if I keep doubting like this and if he notices that I'll push him away. I keep a lot of this to myself and I only share it with my family and they say the same thing. That I have to start trusting in him and that I have to let it go. But its so scary, I'm not gonna obsessively text him, or constantly ask for reassurance, because this is a me problem and not his. But I need some help, how do you guys do this? How do you ignore the doubts? How do you find the difference between a gut feeling that something it actually wrong and an OCD feeling that's just there to make you think that something is wrong?

Hi I have a problem with getting really bad thoughts that I am just the ugliest most disgusting person ever and these thoughts give me extreme anxiety and I usally cope with them with either caking makeup on or going on a spending spree so that I can look more like the girls in my classes. I go on Amazon try to find the best products to take my eye bags away, and I order it all. Then I get terrible anxiety that I spent to much money and that I will soon have no money. It’s just an endless cycle and it’s so exhausting I don’t know how to change the cycle. The intrusive thoughts about myself are too much to handle.