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the NOCD Community

Any success stories from people who recovered from suicidality?

Fuck POCD Don't let it get you down! The way I now see it is some kids are better looking than others! Got to the point now whether I don't care if I'm a pedo in denile. I didn't chose this! Anyone else the same?

Anyone else have OCD with eating . I can’t eat refrigerated food in case someone had placed it out and it had got warm . I check packets got complete closure. Even to the extent that I’m worried companies accidentally put mould into fruity cereal bars . I’m scared

Last days I have been feeling very good. Did not have any intrusive thoughts, it felt like hocd was completely gone. Today some thoughts came back and I felt bad for 2 or 3 hours, but I ignored the thoughts and the intrusive thoughts left. I hope my recovery will be successful. Just ignore the thoughts and keep yourself busy, it'll really help

I’m not trying to offend anyone out there . I just need to know that ocd is playing tricks on me and this is not what I want . Ofc I’ve been doing compulsions like googling. I’ve been look up symptoms of gender dysphoria . I’m afraid that I’ll one day want to cut my boobs off . This is really scary to think about I’ve always loved my female body I have a very nice body . But now this hocd or tocd w.e is making me scared . What if I don’t like my body as a women? It make me sad because I see other women and they look all pretty and stuff with makeup and I think to myself . “ I like that stuff , I don’t want to be a man , I don’t even know how to be a man , I wanna feel like a women and be the woman I am . “ but there’s a voice in my head trying to tell me I’m in denial . Or this is what I want . I remember when I had this theme ocd the first time how relieved I felt when it finally left my brain I felt myself again for a good two weeks till I eventually got pocd . ( witch also scary ) . The point I’m trying to make is . Are people who are actually going through this feel this depressed and in a dark place ? Because I know it’s not easy for them to do that either . And it makes me feel like the feeling I’m having is true . Even though I’ve loved my body and been in girl stuff for 18 years. But I’ve seen people start to want to be trans out of nowhere . That’s scary for me . I’ve never felt like this before . I feel like this time it’s hitting me harder then before . The thought of me being a boy makes me cry and feel like my original self is being taken a way from me . Ocd has been ruining my life for months now . Most of 2019 ive been extremely depressed and anxious . It’s caused me depersonalization and causes me to literally wake up and go to sleep and live life with a rock on my chest I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and nobody around me helps or understand. I’m trying to help myself but it is so hard . I wanted to have babies one day and start a family . Ocd is even stripping me away from that by trying to make me believe I want to be a man . I’ve had thoughts of suicide over 10 times this year due to these thoughts . I want to live a happy life . Being myself . I can’t take this . I ask myself everyday what did I do to deserve this ? I literally cry everyday. Every night . I am afraid of what my life will turn out to be living with this mental illness.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has made me so drained thinking of all the thing I think I did and all the things I think I want to do that I am SEVERELY depressed. I don’t have a life anymore. I work only part time and just sit in bed all day crying or feeling so empty I can’t cry. I have ZERO motivation to do anything. Even if I’m hungry I can’t get out of bed. This eventually results in me going to work at 5pm having eaten NOTHING all day. I am in constant pain due to health issues, type 1 diabetes and PKD. I want to be a novelist and I can feel that slipping away as I haven’t written in over 2 years. My memory is getting worse due to sugar fluctuations and my depression. And my health is never going to get better. Sometimes idk the point of being alive if I’m just going to lay in bed every day of my life and cry.

i am extremely depressed going overboard w obsessing about a conflict at work. my job literally makes me suicidal now. i talk about things im anxious about and that only makes me more anxious bc im constantly afraid the wrong person heard and im in more trouble. i dont know how to shut up sometimes. it’s how i seek reassurance in uncomfortable situations, like this work thing that has turned abusive. i think i should quit or go see HR. im in a constant state of panic.

You know what makes me feel sad the most is when i see straight couples.i feel happy to see them together but it makes me sad that i can never ever be in a relationship as it feels i will betray the guy. Lack of experience in relationship is making me question my sexuality even more.i was only once with a guy but did not feel any butterfly when i gave him a peck on his lips.it's not that i didn't love him but why didn't i feel anything.i just went somewhat blank. I went through a post on the internet where a person said that she was attracted to boys but never felt anything when she kissed them but realized later when she first kissed a girl that she's a lesbian. I am so afraid to enter this new world. I always fantasized about boys and i know that if not attracted i atleast wanted their attention. I just don't feel good!when thinking about all these things makes me uncomfortable and uneasy

Anyone on here suffered from BPD? 5 years ago it started with an Anxiety attack. Then morphed into GAD then severe depression and now pure OCD... I currently suffer with intrusive thoughts on if I am a socio or psycho. Or maybe I have a personality disorder etc etc. In the last two days I have wasted so much time endlessly researching and taking tests on the internet. And I can never be satisfied with the answers. Help!!! Thoughts!!! I looked into the usual tests and here are my answers. I fear that my family, partner or friends abandon or betray me, even when no real threat exists. - my answer to this was Rarely I cannot stand being alone - my answer was sometimes. I get desperate and/or furious when my close ones leave me even for a short period of time. - my answer was rarely. My relationships with close ones are very emotional and troublesome. - my answer was I partly agree. In my relationship with close ones, at first I idealize them and later, when something goes wrong, I hate them. These extremes in my attitude to people interchange frequently. - my answer was rarely/sometimes I guess depending on the person? People find me too demanding in relationships. - my answer was sometimes. I've attempted to completely change the life I lead. - my answer was yes...it has been hard but yes, and ive failed alot, but keep trying. Zoloft, family support and OCD therapist only recently. I have doubts about who I am and what the meaning of my life is. - my answer was 100% yes I think I'm a bad evil person. - my answer was alot of the time yes. When I'm driving a car, I cannot resist the urge to speed up and enjoy reckless driving. - my answer was No. At times I resort to binge eating. - my answer was No. At times I spend money recklessly. - my answer was maybe??? Not lately....in the past for about 2yrs I had a gambling addiction. I can't control myself when I'm gambling. - lol for sure...thays why I don't gambke anymore. I engage in unsafe and inappropriate sexual contacts. - this one is tricky....i have in the past but not right now at all especially on the past 2yrs....im pretty much a virgin again. I was molested when I was younger like 7 and unfortunately coerced a friend of mine into a sexual act at the same age....trust me I have guilt and shame about this daily....it haunts me. I'm thinking of fantasizing about committing suicide. - I answered sometimes/rarely when I'm really low and panicky. When I have quarrels with my close ones I threat to kill myself. - I answered no. When I'm very upset or angry, I hurt myself to calm down. - I answered no. I have times when I feel very irritable for several hours - I answered sometimes especially certain people and when my intrusive thoughts are in full effect. I feel anxious for several hours. - my answer 100% yes. I seek out new activities or experiences to occupy myself because I get bored easily. - I said sometimes. I get desperate because I feel empty. - not sure aboit desperate, but I definitely feel like I don't know who I am....and that frightens me, especially with the OCD part, my mind fights morally with me all the time. I get angry easily. - internally I do, but not outwardly and only sometimes, its more or less irritable when I have an intrusive feeling or thought/urge. I feel that everyone and everything is against me. - I mean not really, more like I feel like a freak and people can easily read that from me, so I internalize it that I am broken and cant form real connections, and then I ruminate and go down a dark hole. But its more at me not them. I have the feeling that I'm not real. - hmmm well I defiantly feel DP/DR like I'm not 100% present in the moment, more like I'm focused so intently on my thoughts and rumination. Like am I listening to what they are saying, can they tell im not listening. Am I feeling true empathy for this person or am I faking it? Do I jave enough empathy etc etc etc Please help any thoughts will help!

hey guys so i was wondering if it’s normal to not want to do anything sexual. i struggle with HOCD and it just makes me nervous/scared to do stuff with guys because i’m afraid that i won’t like it but i’ve done stuff before and have liked it. i just wanna know if that’s normal to just not feel much sexual desire to do things

Hi everyone, I think I’ve struggled with OCD since I was a child but it’s seriously effecting my life now. I think I have what you would call Philosophical/ Existential OCD. I can’t stop questioning my reality, the truth of reality and the universe, enlightenment, Christianity, solipsism, god, myself, my own existence. It never ends. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I think I have Pure O, but I also compulsively google my questions and search through the answers for hours until I feel calm. The peace lasts all of 5 minutes and then I’m googling another question. It’s so stupid because I know the meaning of life isn’t found on the internet but I can’t handle it all on my own in my head.

Hi everyone. I want to share my story here cause I think you might understand. I got triggered over something very stupid. I noticed that my brain is not focused and the thoughts are bothering it. I didn't give it much attention. the next day the same thoughts came to bother me.. this went on for a couple of days untill I had enough so I decided to push away the thoughts when they came. This led to a chaos in my head and It got to the point that I didn't know what to do. If I left my brain for itself It would bother me and would not let go and If I fought the thoughts It would just get worse. So I made a decision (which made sense to me at the time for some reason) to force myself to be focused all the time and not get distracted by the thoughts. This meant I was putting a lot of pressure on my self since I was afraid of leaving my brain for itself cause I was very afraid of it (I had a history of my brain locking on some things constantly for months and It was very though). I kept living this way for two months and at a certain point I had a breakdown cause I couldn't take it any more. I again fell into the loop of trying to remove the thoughts from my head (my mental ritual) to not have any annoying thoughts and stop the thoughts from making me lose my focus (due to this whole thing. I developed an obsession about not losing my focus!) . It got to the point that I was doing this mental ritual every second of every day and It became very automatic :(. From that point it took me two months to be able to stop doing the mental rituals, which I did by looking at the frame of my glasses each time I had the temptation to do the rituals. this stopped me from doing weird stuff in my head and I came out of my head. Unfortunately after I put an end to doing the rituals I noticed that I was extremely depressed and was experiencing depersonalization and derealization. I am depressed to this day (two months after stopping the rituals) and I feel like an alien on this planet. I feel like I'm not understood and I feel like I suffered so much for something that didn't need suffering. I'm afraid I might get to the point of blaming myself for not being able to not be strict on my brain and just let go. I'm Afraid of getting to the point of wanting to end myself. I know I did my best in that situation but that doesn't stop me from the fear. I would like to hear about your thoughts.

(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

Hey! I have some doubts and i'd be really grateful if you guys could help me! Sorry for the long text. Well, since i was a kid i had some problem with patterns, i didnt like to leave the house so i could keep up a routine, and i had problems with bugs and things like that. IT wasnt much of a problem. In my teen years i started to pick on my own skin, i was obsessed with having perfect skin and as an acne prone kid i would pick on it relentlessly because in my head i was getting rid of all the imperfections but of course it only made everything worse. It got to the point where i burned my skin with products because something inside me thought that by doing it i would be cleansing it from anything that was making it impure, and two years ago i got to a low point in my life and it led to picking on my legs so hard that its badly scarred and Marked, so much that i cant bare to show it in public. And i continued to have a routine necessity that made it hard for me to accept things that wasnt in my original plans, i overthink things way too much and it's Almost impossible for me to make any decisions because i just cant decide. Anyway, i started therapy right after that low point i mentioned and it helped me out a lot, but i started to notice my anxiety, something that i just didnt think about even in my lower points. I was just so used to being so sad and lost and paranoid and feeling left out of good things (i spent all my teen years spending at least a couple of hours a day locked in the bathroom picking at my skin and only thinking about it, hating so much on myself that i didnt want anyone to see me, worrying about everything too much). Well, ive always had arachnophobia and was generally afraid of bugs but it also increased lately to the point where i start to cry by only thinking of it and when i see any bug it makes me want to clean everything and check my belongings because im terrified they'll climb on me (when i was little i had trouble sleeping because i thought something could climb on me at night, and a couple years back i intoxicated myself with repellent because i kept applying it every 5 minutes becaude i was sure some bug could get to me), and my room had a termite problem and it made me paranoid for weeks and during that time i started to get really bad anxiety, i started to have a lot of panick attacks (they werent common before) and doing anything was really hard, even getting out of bed was hard because thinking about making any decisions all made me start crying. At the time i went to a neurologist and he said my skin picking problem was linked to obsessive compulsive spectrum, habit disorder. When he said that i bacame automatically self conscious and my anxiety became unbearable, i went to a psychiatrist and started to take medicines and it helped with the anxiety but im still having problems with compulsions specially related to bugs now, i was exposed to lice a few weeks ago and now i cant stop thinking about it my head is already hurt from products and checking and ive been dreaming of spiders and other nasty things that make me panick amongst other things. I dont know how to feel about all this because i only started thinking about it recently even though ive suffered with skin picking for most of my life, i never thought it was related to anxiety and never even thought of ocd until going to the neurologist, but he only confirmed the habit disorder. What do you guys think? Everything ive been going through is habit disorder or ocd?

Does anybody know the statistics for our friend OCD? Does it goes worse through the years or is there any chance the symptoms will become more manageable as the time passes by ?

Someone reply ? I am absolutely shattered, my whole body aches, maybe I got an hour sleep if I was lucky, but don't remember sleeping at all. It's clear to me that I can not sleep round anyone's house but my own. I slept at a friend's because of my pocd because I'm so scared of my head. I told my cousin about my intrusive thoughts whilst a bit drunk last night by text, I said I had to stay at a friend's but I lied and changed my ocd into a different thing. Because it was clear to me that she wondered why I avoid my nephew. So I said I was worried I'd throw him out the window. Cause of course I couldn't say I'm worried everyone will think I'm a pedo cause I think I look shifty in the face around kids. And she said why are you worried about throwing him out the window he is just a little boy. Well of course that made me feel absolutely shit, and now I'm worried she'll tell everyone. I made it clear that I'd never act on the thoughts and she said oh I get it. But she might tell people in the family. And then everyone will think I'm horrible. Someone help. Also anyone know how I can make myself sleep when I get home when he has hopefully gone home? Also I feel so bad about not staying because he begged me to stay ?

I’m new to this app, just set it up and I just finished reading about Pure O. I have learned a lot about OCD but never knew that there were so many different kinds, and so many ways it manifests. I never thought It could be OCD, I thought it was everything else. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with it. Which drives me a little crazy. I’m constantly checking and rechecking my conclusion that it could be OCD. I’m constantly seeking reassurance and Ive constantly felt unsafe. I had to call my mom or my dad whenever I drove by myself to make sure I wasn’t doing something wrong, to make sure I wasn’t in danger or doing something terribly wrong. The reassurance helped but I think perpetuates the cycle. I need to learn to be okay on my own

I’m having a rough time rn. My parents both told me that they don’t think I could or should be a dr (I’m going to be a sr in college this year). They said that I have too many and too intense of problems to be one - I’ve got OCD, depression, and dermotillomania (skin picking). Normally, I brush things ppl say off pretty easily, but not w my parents. I love them and really care about their opinion. But it’s making me even more depressed, as one of the last things I was holding onto was the thought that I would be able to use my experiences to be an even better dr than I would have been before getting these things. I’ve been suicidal for a long time but I always told myself that I was going to get through this and use it to help ppl. But it’s tearing away my last shreds knowing that not even the ppl I care about the most think I can achieve my dreams. ?

I saw a therapist a couple of days ago, I have another appointment on the 20th may (my 16th birthday). They think I might need to be put on medication. Is anyone here on medication and do you find it helpful?

Hey all. I've been dealing with my OCD for about 2 1/2 years and treatment had been going well. Lots of ups and downs, but I had things under control. Well yesterday I had the worst relapse of my life. It feels like I'm back to square one and my obession switched. I called my therapist but she doesn't have office hours during the weekend. Soonest I'll hear anything is Monday. I'm really scared and lost right now.