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Feeling really down today. Could use any kind of support

this is weird af, im so confused. I was fine yesterday and now it feels real even though I tested it yesterday and I felt like gross. I dont even know anymore

I need some advice. Here’s some information: I’ve liked boys for just about my whole life. Recently I thought I started having attraction to the same sex. I have thoughts involving the same sex, and my brain convinces me that I enjoy them. I keep checking if I have attraction to the opposite sex, and now it feels like I don’t? I don’t think my orientation can change in span of two days. Now, I’m falling into this spiral of thoughts that has me thinking if I should accept that I’m not straight, and change my entire lifestyle. Sometimes I feel okay with these thoughts? But sometimes I get anxious, thinking that I don’t want to accept it. Is it hocd or am I not straight?

I saw the fifth episode of the Sandman, if you are in a bad state of mind do not absolute start this series or read this post (also spoiler ahead if you're planning to watch it.) I also attached some screens of comments under this video that made me think about this. https://youtu.be/pOslfcSBYmo Basically the premise of this episode is that a person named John Dee uses the magic ruby he stole from the god of dreams to make dreams and desires come true. His desire is to create a new world without lies, where everyone is honest to each other. He first tries this power and we see its effect from the point of view of various people in a diner. I was triggered when it was mentioned that the cook had an affair with the waitress'son, because at first it wasn't mentioned that the son was 21 years old and when the cook revelead that the waitress said "but he's only a ***" and then the cook said that her son was 21 years old and that he wasn't just a *** anymore. I was very triggered because I initally thought that the cook SA the waitress' son. I think I even pictured the scene and I felt sick. Then the point of view changes and now there is a scene with high se*ual tension where a CEO woman interviews a new employee and things start to get sensual. The weird thing is that when the CEO woman and the younger guy started making love I started feeling arousal and I wanted it to stop. It was a very sick and disturbing feeling because I passed from being triggered from the previous scene to feeling arousal in the following scene. But what triggered me the most was what John Dee did. He basically made it so that intrusive thoughts led to action, the realization of the thought. I thought intrusive thoughts were egodistonic and that they were meaningless lies that our brain made to make us worry. In this episode the intrusive thoughts are depicted (by John, not the message itself I guess) as the truth that we try to hide and not unwanted thoughts, as our real nature. So does that mean that my intrusive thoughts are my true thoughts? Are they my "real" desires that I try to hide and reject with lies and use ocd as an excuse not because thay aren't who I am but because of shame and judgement? Am I a monster? Does that mean that my intrusive thoughts could led to action? And I have pocd and that's the most disgusting and unforgivable theme. I'd rather kill myself like all the people did at the end than to be a monster, to be in denial, to harm others. I just wanted to hope that I had ocd. I still don't have a diagnosis. But I lost hope a lot of times, I've accepted in the miserable state in which I am and that I don't deserve to heal or happiness. But I still reject and not tolerate those thoughts. I harm myself. But in this episode Morpheus says that if you lose hope and dreams humanity and civilization cease to exist, because you start giving in to the "intrusive thoughts" which are dark desires and if dreams and hope aren't there anymore there is nothing holding us back and keeping us sane and alive and we are not different than animals. Then, does that mean that I was overcome by intrusive thoughts and fully became a monster? Did I let the intrusive thoughts win and take over me? Did the intrusive thoughts became just thoughts? Did I start to tolerate them? Or were they really intrusive to begin with? From a viewer perspective this episode was incredible, but it tackled themes that triggered me a lot. If anybody has watched it please let me know what you thought about it.

(Synopsis: Has your OCD ever latched on to someone and caused major changes in your life? How do you deal with feeling like a total creep?) My OCD has latched on to a guy I had a crush on through my school years. It started when I followed him on Instagram. I then broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years (which was for the best) and immediately started trying to SLEEP WITH THIS MAN. We DM’d and it went nowhere but I was EXTREMELY forward and aggressive to the point where a year later I am still very embarrassed by it. After that happened, I muted his story and posts and my obsessions faded. Then I was buying a home and since he is a carpenter I hit him up for a quote… It went nowhere as well probably because I BASICALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HIM. Anyway, then I saw the gym he went to looked like something I might enjoy so I signed up. I fell in love with this gym and now I go every day when I was never an active person. I’ve seen him there a few times and we just say hello. Super awkward. My friend is into manifestation so she suggested I look into manifesting a “specific person” and there is all of this content online about manifesting someone into your life no matter the circumstances. All you have to do is speak it into truth. Well that doesn’t mix well with OCD so I FULLY convinced myself that he and I were meant to be and all of this insane stuff. I realized it was a problem when I was talking about him to every one of my friends and sounding like a weirdo. That’s when I started NOCD. That brings me to where I’m at now. Every time I go to the gym, I wonder if he will be there. When he pops into my head, I go to his (muted) Instagram to see what I missed. I still have lingering feelings that I am so obsessed with him because we are fated to be together. This man has been the catalyst to several big things in my life: breaking up a long term relationship, becoming a gym rat, and starting NOCD. I’m even in the beginnings of a great relationship and I still can’t stop these obsessions. I just started working on it with my therapist here but I need someone to relate to! Does anyone else have these obsessions and how do you deal with feeling like a stalker creep?

can someone explain what this could be? so whenever my boyfriend talks so happily about his car and how happy it makes him and how much fun he has with it.. thoughts about him getting into a car accident always come to my mind .. whenever he talks about the car i always think "what if now that he’s talking so happily about his car something happens to it or he gets into a car accident" and i hate that i get these thoughts they make me so sad… and then this one time me and him got into an argument and without even wanting to think this and without any warning this thought came into my head "maybe i do want you to get into an accident" and i hated that that thought popped into my head it makes me cry i wouldn’t want a single thing to happen to him is this intrusive thoughts??? is this ocd is this normal for ocd pls help?

Hello, I am new here. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I have anxiety since my childhood and recently (2 months ago) I started having intrusive thoughts about children, and my students. M'y brain is always acting with questions "what if I hurt them" "What if I develop feelings", every time I feel disgusted, nauseous, I feel my body temperature getting really hot, I kept telling myself and my therapist that I don't want to be like that, I don't want to have those thoughts. It pains me because I am a teacher, and I have been very passionnate about teaching and helping my students, but my brain is telling me "you became a teacher to get close to them" and I feel generally disgusted at these Times. I often zone out, trying to ignore my thoughts, and keep on my day but I always end up trying to analyse or do some mental checks. I also experience the fact that I feel like I'm looking for arousal in women in general and experience intrusive sexual thoughts and I feel like when I look at someone, I scan m'y body to see if it gets an arousal or not. . Generally not, but sometimes I feel funny around my groin. I am with a woman that is quite understanding of what I go through. I explained her and she says that it could be OCD even if not diagnosed yet. Usually when I get these thoughts, I engage into them, and I try to remember my past to see if there were occurences of me acting strange towards young people or stuff like that. It's very hard to resist doing it because I feel like I need to know. I also check and read a lot about thoughts, compulsions and obsessions because I feel alone, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Most of the time I also feel like I'm inventing this, like I am really what these thoughts tell me and it's bringing me down really hard. I'm currently seeing a therapist and she knows about those thoughts but I really want to ask if it might be OCD but I am also scared of thé fact that she could say it is not. I am sorry I needed to vent.

Second warning just in case. This will be the topic of pleasuring ourselves and intrusive thoughts that may come with it. (POCD) If you would not like to get triggered please do not read further ahead. So I've been trying to stop pleasuring myself and watching x rated videos. Well recently I did do the act which I'm not going to count for my calendar because I know I'm going to feel god awful about messing it up when before doing it I was like eh its fine. Ahh the terrible cycle. But its ok, I'm still doing way better than before. Anyways recently though because of how heightened my OCD has been with its themes, I want to see if there is any way to help me on this. Whenever I pleasure myself or think of anything sexual, my mind ALWAYS puts my siblings in there. ALWAYS even watching the videos recently will put my sibling in there as if you know I'm watching them do those things which :/ really DO NOT want to think that. I will imagine me and my boyfriend doing things and instantly it'll put my sibling in their position. I know trying to get away from it isn't the way to go cause if I go back I'm going to be instantly reminded of how my thoughts are with sexual things since its something that I was trying to avoid so I'm just being reminded of the avoidance. So how would I go about this ? I obviously do not want to think of my siblings in those scenarios and imagine them in those ways. Do I just need to cut off these things even more ? Focus on something else ? Idk this is also with ice cream for me haha. I can't lick ice cream anymore because if I do my mind makes a thought of me doing something to someone in that way sexually which is not fun so I also haven't been licking my ice cream LMAAOO weird to say and also disgusting but its just annoying really. Ugh. I just want this all to stop and enjoy these things normally 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Hope everyones night goes/went well ! 🫂💕

(18+) I really hate myself, like I’ve always hated myself but I’ve gotten to a level where it’s really bad. Do any of you guys have those moments where you’re at work, school, or just out where there are people and think “If only these people knew the monster I am and all the stupid things I’ve done”. It’s this thinking that brings me down a lot. Like I’m always thinking of when I was sending nudes on dating apps last year and all the what ifs that come with it. I always feel horrible, there hasn’t been one minute in the past year since august of 2021 that I haven’t been obsessing and hating myself. It’s been over a year, I feel terrible. I’m about turn 20 in two weeks, this started when I was 18, these are suppose the best years of my life, but they have been the exact opposite. I know we all make mistakes and it’s about moving and learning from them, but idk. I’m just venting, there are good days and moments, but it’s all mostly bad. I really need a therapist, but sadly I don’t have the money or the insurance to afford it, but yeah, just so many regrets.

I am having surgery on Friday and they called me today and told me my husband has to leave and can’t stay because of Covid. I am so nervous he can’t be there. I am afraid I am going to have a panic attack and the what ifs, like I am going to hurt someone. So scared. Any advice

Hey if anyone is struggling with this do you have any tips because I really need some support right now ,Thankyou:)

This is a crazy one, buckle up and get ready to read. I have an account on a website called Nationstates. It's a text-based browser game where users create their own fictional countries. One of the more creative things you can while managing your country is creating a Factbook, which is where you put written lore for your nation in so people can learn more about it and be entertained. I was writing a section in my nation's history where a civil war ended with a final battle in a big city that was being torn apart by explosions, fighting, and shooting. With all that chaos, it was conjuring imagery of similar fictional events like the Purge, or even real events like the 1970s NYC Blackouts and stuff. My OCD kicks in right here, by trying to associate my writing inspiration with real life events that had horrible outcomes or lots of deaths, therefore making it "bad taste" or "cursed" for me to be writing "something about those events", even if they have no connection whatsoever or we're not inspired by such things at all. My OCD be like, "Oh, you're basing it off of the (insert violent riot event in real life with atrocities being committed), your work is now cursed and allowing it to exist will invite bad things to happen to you." OCD: "So you have to delete your work, and anything you created after it to protect yourself." As someone who wants to go into graphic design and other creative work, this type of OCD is DEVASTATING. Especially when your brain decides to randomly connect your current project with something that is already rumored to be cursed in real life, like the unreleased Beach Boys song about fire that supposedly caused a building to burn down after it was played. My brain associated THAT for some reason just because I was writing about a city in chaos (so presumably there'd be fire involved, I guess.) So my brain told me that if I posted the work without editing out the city battle sequence, I'd risk my house randomly catching fire because of the curse between now and even to the distant future. I tried to ignore it and post the work, then I went on and posted more works. I told myself that if the nagging got unbearable and I was convinced that it was a "real omen", I'd delete everything I made after it as well as the OG work. Unfortunately, I'm in school now, and the manifestation covered my schoolwork. Thing is, once I turn in schoolwork, I can't retract it for obvious reasons, unlike my art. I don't want to delete my art since I made some really good content and I'm trying to set a benchmark against my OCD. I don't want to destroy my work again like I did on my birthday. And no, my OCD says I'm not allowed to copy the text and paste it later, it must be obliterated completely and redone from the ground up, and that stuff took me HOURS to write. But I need to turn in my schoolwork, and the paranoia is hitting hard. Even if I turn it in and nothing happens shortly afterward, the curse has me thinking that it will follow me around my entire life. My brain is convinced that it's an omen. I distract myself by procrastinating and playing video games or something, but it hurts me with anxiety. I'm in pain and I need help. I can't tell what's real and what fake anymore.

Hey everyone ..... I feel that OCD makes you doubtful and scared of so many things Maybe we can share some tips on this thread to help each other be less afraid.?

Is anyone else doing acceptance therapy? It's only been 2 rounds of it but I feel like it's bs and only makes me more scared.

I struggle a lot with real event OCD, to the point where the ruminating interferes with so much of my daily life. I constantly think about past mistakes I have made, and my mind acts like the entire world knows about them. For example, I think of the entire world “canceling” me for my past mistakes that I deeply regret. I have gotten to the point where I believe that all of these mistakes have been caught on camera or secretly recorded. I feel like I can never be successful in life due to this fear that all my past mistakes will be exposed. When so many public figures and “regular people” get exposed by our society for mistakes they have made, it makes me feel like I will be forever known for the worst mistakes I have ever made. When I think about being “exposed” for these mistakes, I imagine that everyone will resent me and endlessly criticize me online. My intrusive thoughts then make me believe that taking my life would be the best solution if this happens. I believe that is the only way out, because I would not be able to handle it if people actually know about what kind of horrible things I have done. When I do get so anxious about my past mistakes, I use the thought of suicide as a way to provide a solution if my mistakes get exposed. AKA I think that there is a way to avoid everyone hating me for my mistakes & the only way I can express how bad I feel about these mistakes is by taking my life. Does anyone else struggle with Real OCD to this extent? Have their been things that have helped make it better for you?

I don’t want to be with men but my head is convincing me that I was romantically attracted to my friend I really don’t want to be with men I really don’t I hate it, please someone help me and give me advice :( I don’t wanna do this anymore.

Does anyone get worrying intrusive thoughts about being a p*** when they've seen a p*** video about someone they find attractive but don't know their age? What if they aren't of age, does that make you a horrible person and a p***?

i literally can’t stop with my brain saying i don’t like women on repeat. it feels like if i say it constantly it’s like i’m in denial and that gives me anxiety sometimes but most of the time it doesn’t. i’m scared. i’ve also fallen back into the hard cycle of obsessively researching in google trying to find answers. i feel less anxiety and groinals but it feels like denial. it sometimes feel like i have to think about something sexual bc i’m so used to it now. i hate this so much. i want this to end. i can’t even afford therapy rn i have to push my appointment further bc i have no money right now i just started working. if anyone can give me just ANY advice that would be great. please.

I am having a hard time today. I struggle with ocd especially over Christianity. I feel so alone because I've annoyed everyone in my family about it that they don't want me to bring it up anymore. I just want someone to talk to, another Christian to talk to who knows what I'm talking about.

Got into some trouble back in June. I prayed and acted on other compulsions because I was so scared, and hired someone to help with the circumstances. My OCD truly took over and I no longer felt like I was a trustworthy person, that I didn’t deserve my job, and even that people were watching me through my phone and computer. About a month ago I received a call saying that everything was gonna be okay and that, in all honesty, my best case scenario had come true. When I heard this I relaxed, and was so incredibly relieved, that my symptoms had lessened dramatically as I knew I could just move on from what happened. The OCD symptoms didn’t go away completely of course, but they no longer consumed me and I felt like I was able to function again. Anyways, yesterday I received a letter in the mail basically saying that the incident has been brought up all over again and I feel myself spiraling. The person who is helping me assured me this is nothing to freak over and I’m definitely making a bigger deal than it is in my head, but I’m so scared. I feel the OCD taking over all over again. I feel like I made a mistake letting myself “relax” this past month. My brain keeps wondering if there’s something else I did bad in this one month period, and as silly as it sounds, I feel like if I didn’t watch certain TV shows or things like that this wouldn’t have happened. I keep wondering what compulsion I didn’t do to make this happen. I don’t know what to do. I’m pretty much a sitting duck for another two weeks. I’m wondering what I can do to “make things right” even though, realistically I know there’s nothing I can do. Please help. I keep having panic attacks and don’t know where to turn. I thought this chapter of my life had closed and it’s been such a strainer on my mental health. I hate myself for what happened, and I feel like I’ve punished myself enough. I’m really angry at the person who called me telling me everything was A-OK just to send me that letter in the mail. I’m frustrated because I feel like I let my guard down. I thought this was over. Why isn’t it over? What did I do wrong that’s making it drawn out like this?