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how do y’all handle having a crush when you have ocd and severe anxiety? idk i just feel just super anxious ab it. especially the uncertainty of like being in the “talking stage”

I’ve always been a huge feminist, anti-racist, anti-sexual assaulters, etc. Basically against everybody anti-human rights. But because my OCD has been trying to convince me that I’m a sexual assaulter, a pedophile, racist, etc. (basically everything that goes against my morals), it also tries to tell me that I should sympathize with people I used to be against. Sometimes I’ll read about, say, teens committing sexual assault, and in the past I would have firmly said “they need to be punished”, whereas now I think “well, what if they didn’t know better? I made a mistake when I was a teen; what if they thought it was okay?” I never say these out loud because I dont want to make real victims feel bad, obviously. And if I hear someone has been racist, I’ll think, “What if they’re like me?” I still believe we need to eradicate sexual assault, racism, homophobia, etc, but I can’t help but think I’m a part of the problem, so sometimes I find myself sympathizing with “bad people”. It’s really messing my mind up. I don’t know what to think. Does anyone feel the same way or have any tips?

So a over a month ago I had extremely bad health anxiety/OCD, I always was convinced I was dying but I never had a single doubt about my fiancée, I was scared of dying because I didn't want to lose our life together. I was then diagnosed with POTS, and the health anxieties dimished, but as soon as that did, something in my brain told me "you dont love him anymore" it startled me so much, I didn't understand what I was experiencing, it made me extremely nauseous and panicky, questioning my life. I so badly want to go back to the way it was before, I was so happy. Most of my intrusive thoughts feel like imagery, imagining my life without him, or a thought in my head that I dont recognize him, and "youre falling out of love". I am now super numb, can barely feel anything and its making me think all of this is true. Its like a lightswitch went off and my entire life got flipped upside down. I am also experiencing depersonalization/derealization. I know I love him, I know I do, but now I feel this overwhelming numbness. Its also affecting how I see things I enjoy, I love horror movies, but something in my brain says I don't all the sudden. I know I enjoy like creating art, or having a fascination with bears but my brain is saying " you dont like that anymore" Why is it so convincing. I just want to feel like me again. Has anyone had a similar experience? Love to all❤️

I do not understand what is happening to me I fear it is some kind of psychosis or madness, but I am not hearing voices or anything. My mind is just random mess I can not track my thoughts or anything. My thoughts are making no sense and I actually can not recall them. I am feeling crazy and it is already 4 months now. I am really forgetful and I am not able to think about real life. I sometimes tell something and second after I dont remember saying that. My thoughts are all messy like I am crazy and I need to institutionalise myself, than I have thought that I actually can not describe what is happening to me because I feel like I have every disease. My thoughts are random and really make no sense to me at all. Nobody around me noticed anything but I feel nuts. I for example told my new girlfriend what I am going through and had thoughts that I should not have told her and that I am acting out of control. I am unable to relax or think or even study. Need help what to do because it looks like nothing is working.

I work with young kids and I can’t stop thinking the most disgusting things about them. Obviously my job involves touching them and hugging them and having close contact with them via diaper changing, etc. I can’t go more than a couple minutes without an intrusive sexual thought or thinking that something I’ve done was sexual in nature. Does anybody else have POCD and work with kids or have young kids? What the hell do you do with the constant triggers? It feels like a battle in my head and for the first time in a long time in my mental health journey I’m having suicidal thoughts.

What sorts of things do you guys journal about? I did my last journal about mostly symptoms as I am going through the diagnosis process. I thought it would be useful to the psychiatrist. Now I want to broaden that idea but I need ideas to kick start me please. Ty. Btw Waterstones wanted nearly £30 for a journal. These were less than £11 for two in HMV. I know if I spent a fortune I wouldn’t use it from experience.

I just had a thought, OCD is like that person that you just can’t win an argument with. You can keep arguing trying to reason with them but they will always have an answer for everything and come back with something else. The type of person that has to have the last say and in the end you have to let them think they are in the right because they ‘have’ to win the argument. That’s why I think with OCD they tell you to say neutral things to yourself rather than fighting with the thoughts like ‘maybe, maybe not’ ‘perhaps’ like a stubborn person who won’t stop yapping on until you give in and say ‘yeah your right’ or pretend to agree with them even though you don’t just so they stop arguing, you almost have to agree with OCD’s nonsense so that it can stop ranting and raving or trying to convince you of something else …I find that really weird it’s almost like are brains are narcissistic 🤣 and maybe our hearts are timid and gentle so the core of our being is constantly being bullied by our brain’s excessive need to prove that it’s right and forcing it’s bizarre opinions on us. Who knows maybe it’s true 😂 which in that case rather we should approach this by thinking with our heart not our mind, the heart is where the truth lies since no matter what your brain is convincing you of and no matter how believable it is, it may be a faint feeling almost completely masked by these taunting feelings of doubt but there is always a faint feeling that in your heart of hearts, you know you’re not bad. So maybe think of your brain and heart as two different people, you’re brain is ‘bullying’ your heart with ‘intrusive thoughts,false ideas,false feelings and confusion and is very convincing and bullies your heart to believe it’ but your heart on the other hand is very pure, innocent and kind and can’t speak up for itself, so most times let’s itself get bullied by the thoughts. Your heart isn’t loud in expressing how good or pure of a person you are since you aren’t self absorbed and constantly thinking how great/perfect you are but your brain has narcissistic tendencies and is loud in telling you what it thinks, in this case how bad you are. So if this were a relationship what would you do? If your friend was in a relationship where your friend was the gentle one and kept getting bullied by their partner forcing their ideas and their thoughts onto them what would you tell them to do? …most likely to break up with them? So I guess we need to ‘break up with our brains’ because our own brain has betrayed us and is trying to drive the ship😂 no but think about this: our brain is trying to brain wash us …🤣 Trying to make us believe something that isn’t true and we are just blindly believing it? How is that any different to believing a cheating partner’s lies? We are letting ourselves be cheated. We need to break up with our brain and no longer be phased by it’s missed calls or unwanted messages of intrusive thoughts. Im sure we’ve all felt like before we wish we could just turn our thoughts off and not think about anything…isn’t that the same as wanting to block an annoying ex? Except we can’t block our brains annoying thoughts so we just have to follow our heart in knowing we are good. Seriously guys your brain thinks it has rights just because it’s a ‘part of you’ that’s why it thinks it can have a say in everything 😒😠 like no. It like the same way people have shares in a company and different rights over the company well let’s say your brain has rights since it has shares in your body ..😂 well news flash if this was a company your heart has more shares than your brain since your heart is running the whole company so follow your heart and stop listening to your brain 😁😁 I know I’ve probably written a bunch of nonsense but I had fun writing it 😂 Can’t believe our brain is trying to brain wash us though like who does he think he is 😒

I have been feeling very depressed. I had a 2 week break from work and you know what I did? Nothing. I stayed in bed practically every day. And it wasn’t by choice. I have no friends who care to reach out to spend time with me. I have friends, who are there for me when I need them. I know they’re loyal and will listen and if I’m down, they’re there. But they are never ever reliable to spend time with. They are in relationships and they’re the kind of girls who make their entire relationship their world. And don’t care for their outside friendships. Like great, have ur relationship but what about me? I was there when these assholes hurt u but yet u can’t spare a day to hangout? Every friend I call, which is like 3 people btw, they all ignore my calls. I had a friend who I hadn’t spoken to in months and she called me crying cuz her bf & her broke up. I was there. Now? I call her and she never answers still. They’re not back together, she just ignores me. I was gonna let he stay with me and do everything for her. But I can’t even get a call back? Really? Sometimes I just wanna talk to them for like 15 minutes when I walk my dog and they won’t pick up. People have lives I have been understanding of that. I work 40 hour weeks. My life is my job. I am becoming depressed because all I fucking do is work that even on the weekends? I pick up nanny shifts because WTF ELSE AM I GONNA DO? Nothing. I am seeing someone slightly and we hangout once a week but that’s it. It’s all i have to look forward to. But I just want friends I can call to spend time with. And I don’t wanna go look for new friends, every time I have done that, it didn’t work, they always screw me over. I’m just tired and I know ppl will say “have fun and be content on ur own” believe me, I love being alone in my bed cozy watching tv sleeping. But when I do stuff, I want to spend it with people. I like doing certain things alone but going to bars go dancing karaoke all those things I want to do with people. My friends. It’s not a big deal and doesn’t mean I’m not content alone. I am trying to live a fun life and make memories with people but it seems these ppl would rather sit at home while their boyfriends play video games than come hangout with a friend who wants to have fun. And not even go crazy but fuck have some FUN

I’ve been struggling with OCD since middle school. Over the years I’ve had many different obsessions such as POCD, Harm OCD, and now Health Concern OCD. For the last 6 months my newest obsession has been thinking that I am having a heart attack. I constantly body check, google symptoms, ask others for reassurance. I live at my university which is a little bit far from home. This causes me to have to call my mom in the middle of the night every time I have a panic attack over this. My roommates a nursing major so she always offers to take my blood pressure which helps, but still I don’t enjoy living like this. I always feel bad bothering others, and constantly feel like a nuisance. If anyone else with these worries and obsessions can let me know new ways to cope with it that would be amazing:) I just started my switch from lexapro to prozac for my OCD and I’m hopefully starting ERP/CBT soon but any tips on how to help this would be amazing.

Okay, does anyone have this? Like when writing a text/even a message on here, or trying to say something, you’re worried your words might not be true or you spend forever crafting them perfectly and then delete the post 4 times, etc.

Does anyone feel like they are “not ready” to do almost anything!? I have had OCD my whole life. When I was a kid, the symptoms were obvious, but now that I’m an adult I can’t tell. One therapist suggested ADHD, but I don’t quite fit that diagnoses. I think it is still OCD, but nobody talks about this symptom. No one! I feel like everything is too overwhelming and I am not yet ready to do it right. It is so severe that it has resulted in me dropping out of university. I thought that would take the pressure off, yet I STILL can’t do anything. I can’t even do the homework my therapist gives me to fight compulsions. I don’t know if this is just well disguised, complicated OCD, or atypical ADHD. 😩

• • • • • So, my OCD has been really bad today. I mean every thought I could ever have popped in my head I’m scared of being like jeffery dahmer and it plays on loop in my brain where I don’t see a future for myself it’s blank I can’t even imagine myself having a life it’s so scary. I’ve also struggled with religion OCD, I’m scared of being a bad person or being immoral and saying something bad to someone. I feel like I’m drowning and I’ve been taking medicine for like two months almost and I feel like I improved and now I’m decreasing I feel like I did when I wasn’t prescribed and I feel like I’m going mental. I write my feelings out and it helps but today it’s been so freaking hard. I’m scared I’ll cause harm to someone and I just don’t know what to do. I just want peace and to be happy again I don’t know where to go or what to do. Sometimes I get scared I’m crazy and it isn’t OCD. Idk I just I feel like fear and doubt is consuming my soul and I just want to be the smiling kid I was. I’m only 14 years old and it’s killing me I can’t do what other teens can. I see my friends and it enters my brain. I go to see family it enters my mind. And when I hold my sisters I get bad thoughts of being a p*do. I just feel like I’m drowning. What are your coping skills please let me know I want this feeling to go and I want to be a teenager and live my life before it’s too late.

I’ve been struggling with this so long I don’t even know what it would be like to NOT have ocd. I don’t know what it’s like for people to be able to just kick back and relax stress free, but o just got an ocd trip that seemed harmless at first, as it was over a ps5 game… but please hear me out. I got an intrusive that I wouldn’t be able to win the game and I lost. How am I supposed to get over this if it proves itself right? That kills any hope I had for the day every time.

I wonder if there is a pattern in the people that have ocd’s lives. For me since I was young I had an excessive fear of death. I remember being as young as 4/5 and being extremely depressed because I was worried about my parents dying, I remember not being able to swallow anything and my mum made me soup and cut up chicken and vegetables into micro pieces hoping I would eat it but I still couldn’t swallow it, I remember her taking me with her to shops and being like a zombie toddler who was really extremely down and zoned out. And then that eventually went and when i was around 11/12 I suddenly went into that phase again where I was ruminating and severely worried about dying for weeks it was like that. I would go through these phases of worrying about it a lot and would become so fixated and depressed about it. When I was younger my step dad would buy newspapers and I would sit there and read all the articles about death and I was traumatising myself without even realising, also my mum and step dad would watch crime stories and they would stick with me and scar me a lot. I remember the first time I had an intrusive thought I was around 12/13 and I had an intrusive thought about a fork going into my mums leg and I was shaken up by it l went to school and I was scared to tell anyone but I met this new girl that went to my school and I thought I would try telling her since she was new I told her ‘I have this friend who had a thought about ….’ (I didn’t tell her it was me) And told her the intrusive thought and I asked her does she think my friend is bad and she said ‘well I wouldn’t have a thought like that about my mum because I love my mum’ and then I was worrying about that answer but eventually I forgot all about it. The main intrusive thoughts I would have though were about someone killing me. I couldn’t sleep with the light off and I was worried about leaving plastic bags in my room or that thing long thing you tie your bath robe with because I was scared if someone broke in they would strangle/suffocate me with it. Or while brushing my teeth I would have a thought of someone stabbing me from behind, for years just scared of someone attacking me. But I did have the occasional harm ocd thought now and then but i didn’t obsess over it. So February of this year I decided it would be a bright idea to watch a crime documentary not one but three of them, thinking ‘I’m 19, I can handle it’ (after avoiding watching scary things my whole life because I know how much it affects me) once I was on Netflix I literally just saw a cover of a crime documentary with the evil persons face on it and for weeks and weeks her face was haunting me and when I would dance for exercise I would suddenly have an it riduce thought that she was in my room and I would have this horrible imagination her running up to me with a knife or following me around the thoughts were so vivid I would imagine her breathing on me as she ran up to me I would get so scared and then a thought would come, say if this evil person takes over your body? Or sometimes the evil persons name would pop into my head and I would think ‘what if by constantly thinking of there name it’s summoning them and there going to appear as a ghost’ idk I would just think weird things. Anyway so feb of this year I watched three crime documentary’s in one day I even remember when I started watching it I deliberately left my bedroom door open because I was scared and it was the last one i watched that caused all this turmoil in my life. It was about a man who was married and had kids and one day suffocated his kids and wife with a pillow. I was utterly mortified, my whole life I thought ‘evil people are just evil’ but this made me think ‘he was married and had kids and suddenly TURNED evil’ there was even vids of him playing with his kids on the beach and making cookies and things and tbh I’m not sure but I think I may have even incurred trauma from that documentary or that’s what people around me think. Basically after it announced ‘how’ he killed them (suffocating them with a pillow) I suddenly had a flash back and remembered an incident when I was younger where I was messing around and squeezed my cats neck for 1.5 seconds thinking ‘imagine I was evil’ but I quickly stopped because obviously I didn’t want to do that, I long forgot about that incident because I knew it didn’t mean anything but after watching that documentary and being shocked that someone seemingly ‘good’ turned bad, combined with the sudden flash back I got sent into the biggest shock of my life In that very moment my whole body started vibrating and I was shivering with the most fear I have ever felt in my life, from that day on I started thinking that I Vincent meant something and started having intrusive thoughts about strangling people and it was so bad I went to work everyday with my mum and followed her around everywhere, I remember sitting with her at work and shivering for days and days on end, my body was vibrating and shaking with fear my teeth were chattering, I’ve never experienced being so consumed with fear In my life. Constantly in fight or flight mode couldn’t look at peoples necks and terrified did being at home, my mum would drive up and down and go to shops and round my grandparents to avoid me being at home because I was so scared and we would go home at 10/11 at night just to sleep and in the morning we would leave the house straight away. Do you think I got trauma from that documentary? For days and days I couldn’t calm down and my body was constantly shaking in fear and crying. But from feb of last year till now everyday has been a battle. Constant rumination and intrusive thoughts 2022 was the worst year of my life, I’ve never been so frightened in my life, I so wish I hadn’t watched those documentaries. But now it feels like I’m having rumination more than intrusive thoughts because some how when it tested myself by imagining an intrusive thought of smothering someone with a pillow it felt like ‘I liked the feeling of doing that’ when I imagined the thought and I have been obsessing I’ve this for months because it feels so real that I know how it feels to do that and that I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ it’s been horrible and scary but here we are still dealing and suffering. I wish I had been more grateful and enjoyed life more before having this problem, now I feel like my future is doomed and I’m worried that sooner or later the intrusive thought will become reality or I will give in and become evil. It’s been a terrible time I wouldn’t wish this in anyone. I’ve even worried about so many crazy things like ‘imagine in the future I’m evil but then I don’t even turn myself in and like it and do more evil things Covering them up’ and then I think to myself what the hell are you thinking?? You would never be evil why’s re you even thinking that, this problem goes you plays you and terrorises you with all kinds of frightening thoughts. I hope one day it will just be a distant memory and all these worries will go and I can live normally like before, happily. To everyone suffering with this, I am so sorry i wish we could all give each other the biggest hug, we are probably the most kind hearted people and don’t even know it because of this problem blinding us and trying to trick us into thinking we are bad. I’m so sorry. This is my story anyways, sorry it was so long feel like I could talk and talk about this forever.

These things that have caused so much distress and anxiety in my life. I always worry about the things I've watched in p*** and I hate the times where I come across videos and pictures of people that don't look over the age and I hate the experiences I've had as a young teenager. Now I can barely even look at adult women without getting thoughts of them being underaged. I feel like I have to know their age in order to be okay with it nowadays. I can't help but worry that I'm a p because of what I did as a teenager and I always worry that I'll be in jail someday because of my bad habits with viewing p, even though I always try to make sure they are adult women. Even then p is ruining my life and I don't want anything to do with it yet I'm too addicted to stay away for good. It's hard to be compassionate about these things when they feel objectively bad. I just feel a lot of shame with all of this going on and I don't really know what to do but let it pass and hope it goes away. I also feel like a hypocrite because I've told people to keep away from p***because it makes things worse and it doesn't help people but here I am going back to it time and time again and I don't know why. I know it's an addiction but it's not an excuse.. I'm sorry to anyone that may have felt like I've lied to them about this stuff. I don't want to make it seem like it's right to view this stuff because in my opinion it isn't. I just struggle so much with kicking it out of my life along with this anxiety.

So someone on here told me that a way to stop getting anxiety and know that you wouldn’t do those bad things is to sit with the thing that’s making you uncomfortable for me I have intrusive thoughts about smothering someone/my cat with a pillow so they said to try nudging your cat with a pillow or putting the pillow on the cat and being near etc.. so today the thoughts were bothering me a lot and making me feel like I was actually bad so I went and got the pillow and nudged my cat and then I put the pillow on my cats head/face while my hand was still on the pillow and then I had a thought ‘yeah I wouldn’t want to do that’ but then I started doubting again thinking if I tried to do that again it might be different and then I started crying and get anxious as soon as I held the pillow on my cat so the crying and anxiousness kind of gave me relief for a bit since I thought ‘okay I do hate it’ but later on in the day I started getting anxiety and feeling like I could have a break down because I suddenly thought ‘that’s technically the closest it’s been to the intrusive thought being reality since I held the pillow on my cat and then I started getting anxious and as soon as I walked into my house I saw my cat sleeping with a pillow behind him and I got instant anxiety and now I’m worrying ‘although I held the pillow to help myself cope and know I’m not bad, say now in the future when I doubt myself I will try to prove I’m not bad again by putting the pillow on my cat but I actually end up being evil?’ Now I’m worried that I will try to test myself physically it’s bad enough testing myself mentally by imagining things to see if I’m bad but I don’t want to ever do that pillow thing again, although it’s part of therapy I just hate it and don’t want to but now I’m worried that when you do something once it becomes easier or a habit to test yourself physically again. I kind of had it in my head that although it felt real as long as I stay away from pillows or haven’t actually put the pillow near my cat it’s fine but now I’m worried because I put the pillow on my cat, I don’t want any part of this please someone give me advice I have been having anxiety and feeling uneasy, even though nothing happened it feels like I’m a criminal and it feels like from the stress of worrying about the thoughts and constantly paying the thought out in my head and now having actually put the pillow near my cat it feels like something bad has happened even though it hasn’t and I feel uneasy. Also even when my mind gets reassurance it doesn’t register, like it wants more and more to doubly sure it’s not true like when I first engage in a mental rumination of imaging the thought to test myself sometimes I will instantly feel ‘yeah of course I wouldn’t want to do that’ but my brain isn’t satisfied and will sit there and reimagine until it feels like ‘maybe I would and I start doubting myself’ I don’t get it at all

I was just binge watching random YouTube videos and I’ve come across a video essay about how loli art in the media is never ok, which I totally agree with since I am truly disgusted by it and has been negatively affected by it as well due to it becoming a “normal thing” within the anime community. Therefore, being exposed to that gross stuff, it caused me a lot of regret of things that I did as a child, and I still regret to this day. Makes me think I’m a p*do and I really bad person even tho I was never attracted to those types of things, I just hate how it can be encountered within the anime community which can cause a lot of psychological damage to children and teens who watch anime, as it happened to me. Even tho the video is very triggering, since it causes my real event, fake memory, and POCD to flare up, I’ll still watch it because I know I will never watch or like that type of disgusting media ever. Anyone in the anime community also agree that this type of media is harmful due to how it can be easily exposed kids and teens? And we’re you also negatively affected by it?

Don’t y’all ever do everything that’s in your hands? Exercise, got to therapy, eat healthy, go for a walk, etc etc and your obsessions just don’t go away, they just scream louder 💔

So, I cheated on my wife last year, bad, I know. We were going through divorce at the time and we had a rough last year. For years before I felt unhappy because she wasn't giving me what I need, I'd tell her what I need and how to give it to mee and she says her way should be enough. I felt more like a room mate than a husband. We've been married for 10 years and she hasn't had a job until 2021 when I got out of active duty army. I tried for years to help her get a job and she just didn't want one. She would sit at home, playing on her phone or games or watching TV while dishes and recycling piled up. We had our first son in 2020 and it made her even less desiring a job. We had my chores and her chores and she says that we should just share the chores, which I agreed too until she never helped me with what were my chores. We recently had our second son and she's upset that she has to temporarily go back to work while hes almost a month old, which I can understand. While we were going through divorce she tried to commit suicide, went to a hospital, learned all this stuff and even realized how I felt before the divorce stuff. She learned of my cheating we fought and reconciled but she has returned to the way she was before divorce and cheating. She thinks she's the only victim and doesn't see that I'm unhappy with how things have been going. She changed from how she was while we dated. I married that woman, not this woman. She says she changed into what she thought I wanted but never asked or listened to what I wanted and need. I'm also highly into BDSM and I'm a Dominant and she was my sub while we dated. It's how we met. Well, since marriage I've had to try and surpress the BDSM side of me even though before we got married, I told her numerous times that I can't be vanilla. Well it's come out in fights that she doesn't understand that it's a part of me and that I can't be me. I have to hide and surpress myself. I have been diagnosed with anxiety driven depression. She has some of my ocd traits. We'd start watching a movie, or show, and during she'd want to leave and go somewhere and get mad that I wanted to finish what we started watching, even if we've seen it numerous times. She hates that I need to have things mirrored and that I get upset with my projects if they aren't like perfect, especially when I know I can do better. I tell her I need her to initiate things like hugs or cuddling and sex instead of me always having to do it, she doesn't understand no matter how many times I explain it to her. I feel like I have to do everything while she sits and does nothing. I mean now she has a new born we have to deal with and a toddler. But if I don't do something, it almost never gets done, even before we had kids. I don't make much at my civilian job, I've tried getting a job that pays more and get denied. We are behind on phone, internet and power bills because I don't make enough to pay rent, gas for my vehicle and all the other bills. She just wants to sit and do nothing and gets mad that I want her to have a job to help out.