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Do you struggle with mental compulsions? What do they sound like to you? Let us know in the comments and we'll try to answer some questions.

Lately I’ve been overthinking & feeling frustrated over some things that I need clarity on. Some background, I see a therapist in person and he recommends me some books to read like, no bad parts by Richard c. Schwartz and the road less traveled by m. Scott peck. To get to my point, earlier today someone mentioned and said that meditating sometimes isn’t good for OCD. I’ve been meditating for quite a bit with headspace and I love it. I don’t want to do anything that is unproductive towards my recovery with OCD, wether that’s from reading certain books or meditating. It really makes me feel frustrated because I want a clear answer as to what I can and shouldn’t do.

I'm literally crying now and feeling so much anxiety over the thought that I may have hurt someone's feelings today. Someone I love very much. I know this is most likely all in my head but the uncertainty it making me so sad. Basically what happened was Someone bought up a conversation which triggered one of my OCD themes. I tried to calm myself down but I had a million thoughts running through my mind and my body could immediately feel the anxiety rush! I tried to put all this aside and continue the conversation, acting normal. I'd just like to make it clear that the person I was talking to didn't say or do anything to make me uncomfortable. I simply felt this way because I had been triggered. I guess it's kind of good that they bought up a conversation that triggered me because it's considered exposure! Anyway as we were talking the person was acting something out and touched the top of my arm. I feel totally comfortable with this ofcourse but because I was going through so much anxiety I basically moved away and made it seem like I didn't want to be touched. The only reason I did and said that is because for some reason when I'm anxious I feel uncomfortable being touched in any way. Now I'm over thinking the entire conversation, what I said, how I felt, how it all happened and so on. I'm afraid that I made them upset or made them think I felt uncomfortable with them touching me. I don't know why I reacted this way. I'm so sick of living like this. After this happened I went up to bed and started getting the urge to go apologise to that person and explain the situation. I'm not going to do that because it's a compulsion and I wouldn't even know what to say in the first place. After all the person most likely isn't thinking about the whole situation the way I am because they don't have OCD and I do. I'm thinking instead of doing a compulsion I may just try to relax for tonight and then tomorrow I'll tell them that I sometimes act a certain way because of my OCD and that I just wanted to tell them to make them aware and get it off my chest. I think that's a good idea. They know about my OCD and are very supportive so I'm sure they'll understand. What do you guys think?

Can this be ocd? Hi all. Ocd has been destroying my life lately. I am a father to 2 young sons (1 and 4) and im feeling so guilty for my most recent ocd theme. Even though i think there is also some truth to the theme and its not just ocd. Im convinced that i dont want to live anymore, but if i dont why am i asking for peoples help? Am i going against better judgement? Whybdoes the question do i want to be here keeps getting drilled inside my brain? My wife told me if someone fully believes such a idea then they would not be here anymore. Then why am i still here? Even when i try and post on a place like this to find help i get the immediate thought which won't go away until i stop typing; 'why are you doing this? You dont want to love right? Stop lying to yourself by pretending you do want to be here' and many more of such thoughts.

I’ll be honest I am mostly overthinking it and some words of encouragement would be nice but I am just ranting my worst fears here. What if all my worst fears come true? What if she concludes that this is pedophilia and not ocd and I was just using ocd as an excuse? What if she says that I am crazy and that I’m gonna get locked up in a psych ward? What if she says that I was always a psychopath who got off to people being in pain? What if these pedophilia thoughts have always been here even though I really want them to go away it’s like I just can’t do it. I want these thoughts to lessen and I want my groinal responses and other bodily responses to go away and I want to live life and show love to everybody without thinking I have some ulterior motive. I’m hoping I can get my answers because I’m gonna be spending a lot of money that I don’t really have because my insurance won’t do me any favors. I hope everything will be okay.

I was reading a book on OCD my therapist told me to read and in the book they have a test to see if you have ocd and the questions all seemed like a stereotypical view of OCD and i felt like i only related to one or two questions and now i’m sitting here thinking you don’t really have ocd or your mental compulsions aren’t actually valued compulsions and now i’m sitting here high thinking this was all a lie, my diagnosis was a lie, and i don’t have OCD that this was all me.

The girl I really liked and seemingly liked me ,told someone (a close friend) it was because I was too clingy that she got scared off… I don’t feel like a good person in any way shape or form… even despite escorting a homeless woman throughout my night and getting her a charger for her phone… I feel like I can never be loved by any woman my age and above… I feel like a horrible person who deserves no relationship with a beautiful women my age and above…

I just miss myself before I got pregnant again I want to get back to that person again not this panic ocd mess it feels like I won’t bounce back again to my old self and it makes me so sad and just hate life 😭

Hello! This is my first time using this app so if I do something wrong somehow please forgive me. Also sorry this is so long there’s a lot to explain. I think I might have had ocd my whole life but I never really noticed until I turned 18. Like when I was a kid, It would bother me if I missed a ring in a sonic the hedgehog game or in high school if I didn’t walk through a certain door, I wouldn’t make any friends or something to that effect. Nothing too major I guess. The quarantine really elevated it to an unbearable level. It started with washing my hands a lot. Now it’s gotten to the point where if I lightly graze something I don’t trust, it will bother me so much where I have to go and wash my hands which is a whole process now. It has to be 20 seconds, then I have to wipe my hands 20 times. If I don’t do it, it eats me alive and causes me a lot of discomfort. It was only really that until the intrusive thoughts started. But the intrusive thoughts were never over the top, it’s always something believable. First time it happened, I got a thought that I didn’t love my girlfriend anymore. Which I know was not true. She means the world to me and I wouldn’t give her up for anything. but it kept bothering me. I got so anxious and depressed because of it. My thoughts were convincing me I was loosing feelings for her. It was all I could think about. It became this constant fight in my head that would never end. It got so bad to the point we’re I had to be rushed to the ER because I was convinced I couldn’t feel anything emotionally I was that anxious. I found out a little bit after that it was a mix of the new ADHD or depression medication I was on I forget which and me forgetting to take my hypothyroid medication for a long time which caused my levels to plummet. I eventually recovered and was feeling somewhat normal again. Still washing my hands a lot and stuff like that but nothing that made me have an episode again. I would get depressed here and there and get worried it was happening again but I was eventually ok. Second episode happened around September of last year. I had the thought that I was non binary which I thought was ok. I’ve always been a little more of an effeminate guy so I thought I made sense until I started panicking again because of it. It wasn’t really even about it I just started constantly panicking again. It lasted for a while. Until maybe end of October early November. Most of December I was fine until me and my girlfriend had a herpies scare. Somehow her doctor misread a test result and said she had it. This made both of us panic thinking things won’t be the same ever again like we couldn’t kiss anymore stuff like that. Eventually, she went back to the doctor and they told her that he read it wrong and they apologized. We felt a lot better. Then a day or so after Christmas I had the thought that I was a full on trans woman and started thinking about it. I was confused because I was comfortable with myself and who I am. But then I started panicking again. I know I’m an effeminate guy or at least non binary of some sort and I am ok with that. but I kept thinking about it constantly and panicking. It still won’t leave me alone up until I’m writing this. Not to mention something new started where it’s not just one thought, it’s multiple at a time. My thyroid levels are apparently normal right now so it’s scaring me more. What I think is happening is all my issues are clashing. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, possible PTSD, and obviously OCD. I also know something isn’t right because I’m not really motivated to do my art stuff or anything for that matter which I’m usually super excited to do no matter what. I might just also be depressed? I guess I’m making this because I want some sort of answer? I also want to know if anyone has a similar experience with this. I know trans OCD exists. I think someone on here posted about it. I don’t know I just want to be myself again. Thank you for reading if you got this far. If you have any questions feel free to ask me. Thank you again.

So cuz of my ocd I dissociate a lot. I don’t feel present often, but like I’m always lost in thoughts or sensations. I try to act normal. But even when I do, people literally treat me like “ok this girls a little weird”. I can’t explain it, but people literally think I’m off! Idk it’s very hard for me to be normal when I don’t feel right…. It’s very hard for me to maintain relationships/friendships now. I just always feel anxious x 100000000 Ugh does anyone understand or can relate?

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I have a thought that I don't remember whether I did some action in the past or not. and I constantly want to give myself an answer, because this is actually important for my relationship. prehistory: at the very beginning of the relationship with my current boyfriend, there was a betrayal on my part. in the first 2 weeks of our relationship, I still did not understand whether it would be a long relationship or not, and my ex invited me for a walk, and we kissed. The kiss was for a few seconds, but still. At first I didn't feel any remorse, but the longer I dated my boyfriend, the more I realized that I had made a mistake. I told him about it, he accepted, did not scandalize, supported and we continued our relationship. We've been dating for almost 4 years. We were both 17 years old at the time. Now we are 21. And a few months ago I remembered that situation and I was carried away - I began to think that maybe there was not only a kiss, maybe there were two kisses, or maybe something more, or maybe I kissed not only with this ex, but also with someone, began to write to different guys if I had anything with them during a relationship with my boyfriend. it seemed to me like I could not trust my memory and I definitely forgot something. I constantly told my boyfriend about these thoughts, he said that this is all nonsense, why am I making up my mind. and I just couldn't trust myself. it seemed to be true. How does classic OCD work in others? delusional thoughts that have nothing to do with reality. I have a different situation - there really was that kiss, I confessed to the guy, but was there anything else that I decided not to remember?or my psyche erased these memories. I went to a specialist for help, they told me it was OCD. but when the thought arises, I really have the feeling that it was so. I take antidepressants prescribed by the doctor, but still there are thoughts, and they are always different. I also have compulsions, constantly checking my phone, where I was that day, what messages I wrote, constantly checking my Google browsing history. I have this condition since August 2022. When I started taking antidepressants, everything seemed to improve, but it seems that everything returned again. if I could rely on my memory it would be much easier to get rid of it. and so, I just don’t understand if it was true, or if it’s OCD. I just can't stand it anymore, I consider myself a terrible person. I don't deserve my boyfriend. It's very hard for me. Yes, we were young, everyone makes mistakes, but I consider myself a traitor. I'm sick of myself. I hate myself for doing that. We had a difficult relationship, my boyfriend did not cheat on me, but he thought about his ex-girlfriend and wanted to return to her. He had thoughts of cheating on me. But he did nothing. I had a different situation, I did it unconsciously, because I'm stupid. But I know it doesn't excuse me. He even went to a psychotherapist, because he constantly thought about her and wanted to return to her and did not know what to do. Now I don't think I've kissed anyone else, I've realized it's not true and my OCD. (Thanks to my psychiatrist) But now I began to constantly remember what happened that evening. Was there another kiss that evening? I'm just obsessed with remembering everything. I don't know what to do, do you think I'm a bad person? Am I a cheater? Thanks for the answer in advance, I feel very bad, thank you for this application. (sorry for the mistakes, I'm from Ukraine)

As I’m typing I know it’s not logical because I know that I am still me and that this ocd episode will pass, but my intrusions lately have been like next level able to convince me that it’s actually me and that I’m making up that it’s ocd, which logically I know isn’t true. I woke up this morning and the instrusions were there first thing and it was almost like a feeling with it too? Like the intrusions were able to convince me so well that it was actually me feeling those horrible things. When that happens I start thinking like it’s real and then I start thinking about what a beautiful life I had before and what does this mean for my life moving forward? I’m out of that headspace right now but when I’m in it I’m afraid that I’m almost suicidal. I don’t want to die but I just started crying like it’s almost inevitable? I don’t have a plan but it’s almost like my brain sees death as the only option and that I’ll just have to accept it eventually? But then I cry because I don’t want to die. I’ve heard about this happening in hospitals like how doctors say to always listen when someone “just feels” like they’re about to die so I’m worried I could have a secret health issue or something too but that’s probably just the anxiety. I also feel guilty for not being able to stop intrusions and think about the beautiful childhood I had and all the amazing things my parents did for me and every coach and teacher and church and extra curricular that tried their best to make me a good person. Logically I know I am a good person but the intrusions are starting to feel like such a part of me and it feels like they will take over and I’ll throw away all the beautiful work and love everyone put into me because I can’t control my thoughts and feelings. God I feel distrusting. I am pmsing to so that could be contributing to the feeling of doom and grief. I guess my question is is this normal for ocd or is my brain trying to get me to accept and act on that I’m a monster? I was doing so well and has worked so hard to be happy too.

Hello I am a woman who is dealing with what I assume is hocd. I started dealing with it during the pandemic and it went and it had come back again. I am currently in a relationship that I am happy in but the hocd has been triggered again and I am afraid that later on my relationship or life, I will come out as gay or rather I am just in denial. I am also have false attractions that go with it especially with people of the same sex who are masculine presenting. Is there anyone that struggles with this please?? If so, how did you recover from it please??

Is anyone else triggered by stories of people who have a mental break? My biggest fear 😭. I know we should expose our fears and sit with uncertainty. I struggled to expose and move forward.. I'll read the same tragic story over and over...obsessively worrying it'll happen to me.

i woke up this morning and laid there just thinking. mind was like what if these thoughts are not thoughts and i’m making myself think these things and i’m like why would i think this like what is going on. why now am i sitting here wondering why is this happening.

My harm ocd is coming in SO strong right now. Even when I agree with the thoughts, it’s making it so much worse when I’m used to that making it better. It’s feeling like it is inevitable and that I want to or need to act on it. What is scaring me so much is it feels like I’m having to hold myself back! And that the more this happens, I will not be able to hold myself back anymore. Please help!

Sorry for all of the posts everyone. I just feel like my marriage is breaking right now. When we’re good we are good, when we’re not, we’re absolutely terrible. It’s really sad because we’ve only been married a year. Before we got married, our fights were super intense, and I was warned by others. And now here we are, just stuck. It’s just sad. I love him and he’s my best friend, but idk how to live like this really. Like I said we are best friends and laugh and joke together all the time. He treats me really well most of the time and takes care of me, but he can be extremely judgmental, harsh, and cause me to question my standing with God, etc. I’m not perfect either. I guess I just wasn’t expecting this.

I’ve tried both Prozac and Zuloft to help treat my OCD and neither has worked. I was on 80mg of Prozac and now 150mg of Zuloft but have felt little to no difference. Is there a better medication anyone can suggest? Thanks

I feel as though in my childhood it was beautiful pure and light. Mostly joy and peace. Now I feel so drained empty and depressed. I’m 14 and I wish I could go back and avoid all of this. I hide myself in my room away from the world so that people are safe from me. My friends simply don’t get it. And I am starting to get help it’s just I don’t feel normal and I most certainly don’t feel like Landon anymore. I’m so insecure anymore. I hate my body and my face I think I look hideous in pictures and I feel like a burden to my Mom and not because of her because she is the best mom anyone could ever have. She deserves the son who played football and had good grades and was involved and was kind and perfect. Instead she got this, this depressed anxious kid who misses school because of this and isn’t the best at school or inclusive. I have no idea what I want for myself in the future so I’m just living day by day and I hate it. I feel so alone. I feel trapped and I’m scratching and banging the walls for help but nobody can hear me. I just want to sleep. And I want to wake up and this be gone and never happen again. I want a life without this horrible condition. Where I make myself believe I am a threat or a monster or that I like certain things sexually. I will fight until I get Landon back. Landon who is 14 who is happy and spending time with friends and family and smiled and wasn’t hiding in his room away from the world which is beautiful. I know there is so much to experience in life but ocd makes me not want to be here I guess. I feel like all I do is Wake Up, Take Meds, School, Home, Eat, Maybe a breakdown, Sleep, or not sleep. I just want to be free. I feel like a person with a boulder attached to their feet and thrown in water. I’m drowning and I know one day I’ll feel the air again. I know it takes time but I’m so envious of other teenagers who can just live. I miss being a kid before all of this all of the color and life and beauty I want it back. Maybe one day I will. Idk anymore thx for reading sorry if I bombarded you with everything lol