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Does anyone else have a spouse who is skeptical of your OCD therapy and will only be convinced of its effectiveness if you meet his criteria of when you are “cured”? So disheartening 😞

I’m curious to hear what medications have worked for those with OCD. I’m newly diagnosed. I had been in Lexapro, which was not helpful. Then I tried Luvox for a month and had insomnia and restlessness/twitchy. Now I’m trying Zoloft. I know it can be hard to find the right fit and all of these meds come with side effects. Starting to feel discouraged. Would appreciate hearing what worked and what didn’t as we are all in this together and I’m a newbie to the group. Thanks! 🙏🏻

I find myself questioning things I’d never question about my life. I’m thinking I’ve actually been driven to contemplate these dark things because my ocd has pushed me over the edge. So it’s kinda that my intrusive thoughts have come true. It’s not fair! I feel super hopeless, then I get scared that I felt that way then the ocd kicks in and I start contemplating things like “it’s all hopeless I feel I am going to carry out (insert violent thought here).”. I don’t get it guys… I don’t have the money for therapy right now so crisis chats and this is my best option. I’ll definitely say ocd and my poor sleep bug habit are what has pushed me to these depths. What I don’t get though is I’m not inherently violent, I thought I was always a hopeful person on the inside, I don’t have depression. That and I love my family, I don’t want harm to come to them but the moment I get the hopelessness it makes me question wether or not it’s worth it. I’m living my worst nightmare. By the way I’m not dangerous, I don’t have any deficits in empathy what’s wrong with me. I’m in denial, I can’t believe I’m capable of genuinely thinking these things. Oh and then I have this suicidal spiral. I’ve had suicidal ocd but now I think it’s also partially true since I’ve been in such a dark spot. I know they say that if you’re not comforted by the idea of sleeping forever it prolly means it’s just ocd and well let me say it’s not comforting. Back to back I’m like “do I want to kill myself? Am I feeling that? Will I do it?” And I feel so hopeless that the thought comes in but no I DONT WANT IT. So it’s like half ocd and half my mental distress. But lord no I don’t want it and I don’t want to live in a reality where I contemplate it. Someone just help me… Why are my emotions so intense I question these things? Ocd is involved I know but I’m telling you this hopelessness had made me contemplate things that ocd wouldn’t typically do. I don’t have personality disorders or any other mental illness. HELP ME!

⚠️FLASHY GIF: Louise from Bob's Burgers laughing in front of raging fire⚠️ I'd say ~90% of my OCD is obsessive thoughts and it flipping sucks because for the most part it goes like this OCD: *insert disgusting and extremely upsetting thought here* Me: Ok PLEASE I will do ANYTHING just give me an out! OCD:

I’ve been battling existential thoughts for the past month, which I’ve gotten over. But part of those fears was the fear of growing up. I’m afraid of not being able to go back to the happy child I was, and being carefree with my parents and my brother. I’m in college now, so part of me is just super sad that it’s my time to be an adult and accept the responsibilities that come with it. How do I get over this fear? Any advice?

I’m laying I bed crying my eyes out don’t really know why, I’m just so so tired of overthinking 24/7. I think it’s got to a point where it’s overwhelming and I feel alone. I feel like people around me don’t understand, I mean they try, but they don’t really understand… I’ve had ocd since I was very young and I’m 26 now and trying to deal with it, it’s getting worse day after day. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m just writing what I’m thinking right now, sorry about that, I think it’s actually calming me down I have like thoughts about my relationship, I want everything to be absolutely perfect all the time, my boyfriend knows about my ocd but doesn’t understand I don’t like to talk about it to him because I’m scared it will push him away He’s going to come home soon and being like « hi I’m crying I don’t know why » I don’t want him to think that I’m just negative

I’ve had one of my worst days sense OCD has started a little over a year ago, my OCD is telling me that I’m not happy with my life, as in having kids & happy with my marriage..which is made me depressed which is then triggered my suicidal ocd bc I also worry about that. Today has been horrible nonetheless..anyone have any encouraging words?

I've identified as a lesbian since 2013. I was 14. That's when I had my first crush on a girl; the typical butterflies, dreams of kissing her, holding hands, being "more" than friends. It's not a strange feeling to me. After that, during these 10 years, I've only had crushes on woman aligned individuals, I've had a few, not over 10 but not less than 5. The thing is, I've never felt sexual attraction in real life, not towards guys or girls. However, I've been exposed to porn since I was 11 or so (can't exactly remember) and I've always watched straight porn. I still find it rather enjoyable. I also tend to have fantasies that involve me being in another body, having *straight* sex with a faceless and nameless person, enjoying it. I've always (even before I realized I liked girls that way) found depictions of straight sex and male genitalia arousing. This has recently caused intense distress, fear and doubt. I've been so proud of my identity, I keep telling myself I didn't fake it at 13 or 16, why do I suddendly feel like I'm faking it now? I'm in a long time relationship with an amazing girl but I'm so afraid of acting out on my "straight" urges, not "being happy enough", needing a man, cheating on her, yadda yadda it literally ruins my day and I can't function properly. All I do is mentally backtrack, obsess over the thoughts, think that I'm secretly straight. I'm typing this down because it might help momentarily. I've been playing these thoughts in my head day after day. I feel like I'm slowly losing my identity and the part of me I felt the most "me".

I was being intimate with this girl my age and above online yesterday, and she was talking about doing intimate stuff with guys while we were doing it… I felt uncomfortable at first but I don’t like confrontation so I tried to ignore it, hoping she wouldn’t mention it again… but she kept doing it and I told her that I don’t ever want to do stuff involving dudes or anything regarding them… she said okay but my HOCD is telling me that I’m in denial because I tried to not mention it and make the conversation about her with other dudes stop…

Can you have OCD but with a friendship? Like ROCD but without the romantical side, i guess? I have this one friend that I'm beginning to obsessively worry that I don't actually want to be friends with her, but I don't understand why. She's honestly a really great person, but sometimes can trigger some of my old OCD themes (not that she knows or does this intentionally of course). We met 2 or 3 months ago before a morning uni class and see each other a couple of times a week usually, and we've met each other outside of it twice and I felt like I honestly enjoyed myself. But I can't help but shake the feeling that I just don't want to be friends. What does this mean and how do I stop obsessing over it?

[Not NPD] I dont want to feel sorry for me, cause thats bad for me, for my recovery, i even feel like this is bad to cause i want help. But i want to ask if someone had ocd with narcissism and what should i work on, how to start, cause im phase "feeling bad and trying to prove myself its not real" Im also afraid cause narcisistic people can manipulate people with suicidal danger, and i have suicidal ocd and when i dont get attention i get these thoughts and i feel really desperate that i have this reaction. Maybe i do it cause i dont get attention and thats a really a*hole thing to do

I have tried so so many medications (SSRI, etc.) for OCD treatment. The only one I have had success with is Lexapro, but it then caused a ton of side effects. I have tried Prozac, Zoloft, and now I am on Pristiq with not much success. Does anyone have a recommendation I could bring to my physician? They are also kind of at a loss with new medications for me to try.

I know a big part of ERP therapy is to be okay with the uncertainty of thoughts, but my mind always wants to give the OCD thoughts certainty. I’m currently in OCD therapy for a few years but can’t seem to not immediately give the thoughts power and give certainty. I can give examples but don’t want to trigger someone…

I want to start by that I have no proper OCD diagnosis. I've got a GAD and ADHD. I downloaded this app because I've been suffering from horrid obsessive thoughts and somewhat mild compulsions for a while now. My thoughts are mostly fixated on my partner (what if I'll cheat on her or hurt her in some other way), and on my sexuality (I used to identify as a lesbian, but I don't label myself any longer because of said thoughts; the fears and obsessions are everything from porn preferences to thinking that I haven't found the right man to thinking that I'd never be complete without a man to that I'm leading a fake life). I love my partner, oh so much, but my thoughts are trying to convince me into thinking that we're not actually queer. It's worse because I've previously felt really proud of my identity; it feels like I'm losing a core part of myself. Feels like I'm drowning in these thoughts of uncertainity every single day. I'm afraid I'll hurt my girlfriend or somebody I love and the whole queer community with how I am and how I act. Less anxiety inducing things include leaving the door open or oven on, I've caught myself going back again and again to check if it's actually closed or off, even taking pictures and still worrying excessively over it even if I have proof on my phone. I also repeat certain sentences (like "I am really thankful for another day") in my head, because I feel as if I don't do that I'm actually wasting my life and will regret it when I'm dying. Death and illness are also a severe distress of mine; I've probably diagnosed myself with twenty different terminal illnesses, got them checked out but the worry never left me. Also seemingly surreal things like getting pregnant magically or from a toilet seat for example are included in these. For compulsions, I constantly beg for validation from my partner and my family. Some other things include checking back and forth, less that, it's more of mental begging and praying. I live in a small town, and we don't have any proper mental health services (unless they're very costy which I can't afford). This is why I'm not working towards a diagnosis on OCD. I'm not even sure I have OCD, I feel as if I'm begging for attention but I feel so, so anxious and defeated by my own head I had to write this down. So sorry if I'm taking up space where I don't belong, it's just that I feel slightly better after reading these posts and this app makes me feel validated. Thank you.

Hi I’m Matt. I’m new. I’m struggling a lot even to write this, my mind feels confused, uncertain, tired, I can’t line up my thoughts, I’m not even sure I know how or what to think anymore, I feel dizzy, anxious, short of breath, cold, frightened, empty, and I just want to sleep. That’s how I’m feeling right now and every second of my life in general. It didn’t use to be that way, it just happened over the past few years and became unbearable during the last. I’m not very good at being concise, but I’ll try. I’ve had OCD since I was a kid, it started out when I was around 8 as what looked like a contamination fear. I would wash my hands several times a day until they bled. Then a couple of years later it morphed in some sort of mystical/ethical/moral OCD. I’m agnostic but I was brought up catholic, and that education really messed with my head. Religion terrified me. I would always feel dirty, guilty, a sinner and I would do the sign of the cross hundreds of times a day. My parents saw all this, they thought it was a quirk, a phase. And did absolutely nothing about it. Growing up, in my early teens I started to have verbal intrusive thoughts (horrible insults directed at dead people kept coming up and I would do mental compulsion to chase them away). I was also scared of hurting people. When I was around 14/15 I started fearing of beating a pedophile and that I would end up murdering the people I loved the most, as well as hurting people in general. It was very distressing to me and I did not talk about to anyone. I felt so guilty towards my parents too, because I tried to avoid any family situation that involved younger children (bear in mind I was a child too, 14-15) and when I was forced I would behave weirdly and try to avoid those children as much as possible. That showed and my mother hated me for that. I saw a couple of therapists and even though I talked about my fear of arming people and the fact that I was uncomfortable around children (I didn’t specifically say that I was afraid of being a pedophile at the time, because to me that was way worse than being a murderer). No of them figured out I had ocd. I discovered I had it via my own research when I was 24. I was a textbook case. All check boxes ticked. I was living all over Europe so I did not see a therapist for a few years (also because my previous experiences were so discouraging). At the age of 28 the intrusive thoughts were giving me a really hard time. So I sought for help. I was broke and I didn’t want to ask my parents for money (also because the general idea there was: psychologists are just for nutjobs and weak people. Buckle up) so I called the Italian NHS and ask for therapy, they said the waitlist was at least a year… but hey, if you wanna take drugs no problem, the psychiatrist can see next week). I have always been against psychiatric drugs but I was so desperate at that point and I thought that my ailment was so incurable that I caved in. During a 20 minutes visit the doctor confirmed that I had OCD and gave 20mg of paroxetine which was soon replaced by lexapro 20mg. Ten years have passed since then. I’ve been on and off medications and therapy until I got tinnitus right before the first lockdown and that was devastating. I started doing therapy again and they gave me a mix of ssris, antipsychotic drugs and benzos. Those drugs destroyed me and I felt so numb and pathetic and I lost interest in everything. There was also some cannabis use going on (which before the meds was good for me. I started smoking THC very late in life, Whalen I was about 33, to come off the benzos I was prescribed and I hated. Before tinnitus and meds, I would smoke weed and watch history documentaries for hours, after that I would solely smoke for the purpose of numbing myself). Tinnitus with OCD is an explosive mix, because it’s a sound that works exactly like an intrusive thought, if you engage with it, it gets worse). I was completely destroyed end not functional at all. I started obsessing over my tinnitus, the fact that I would never hear silence again, the fact that I couldn’t sleep, make music, read, focus, work, even think anymore. I would check my IQ to see if tinnitus was causing neurological damage. I thought that I had become completely stupid and I couldn’t recall anything anymore. The therapist I was seeing was well aware that I had severe ocd, I was very specific about that, but she would just “treat” the distress, my episodes and the subsequent depression. She did nothing for ocd. The kept medicating me and finally they gave me venlafaxine which made me suicidal. What did my therapists do when I told them that such meds were giving me those thoughts? They recommended hospitalisation telling me a fairy tale about this wonderful place that did individual and group therapy, group work and exercise, walks, talks, even a gym! It turns out it was the kind of 1950s sanitarium you see in scary movies. Worse than a prison, I’m not kidding. All they did was pumping people full of sedatives and drugs and there was no therapy whatsoever. I went there voluntarily with the specific purpose of coming off meds in a protected environment and so I did, even though they made me stop cold turkey and they kept insisting on giving me other drugs, which I refused. That was last October. I haven’t taken any meds since them and I don’t want to take any anymore, I’m still suffering from withdrawals and I still don’t feel like myself. Well it comes to recent days and my last therapist who I tried to be as accurate as I could with and after while she told me that I had to choose what problems I wanted to work on, and eventually when I was talking about my financial issues (never saying I couldn’t pay her fee) she told me to “come back when you have the money”. Obviously she did not even address my ocd. Now I’m all alone and hopeless. I’ve got maybe two friends and my best friend basically told me she does not have the time and the mind for this and she’s very busy. So I’m basically living with my mother who has a ton of issues too and even though she’s great and loves me dearly does not really know how to help me. What I have now is completely all-encompassing. I can’t work, I can’t watch a movie, read a book, be around people, nothing… my inner monologue is always there and has taken over every aspect of my life, my ocd is everywhere and makes me doubt everything about myself, my choices, my life, even my own thoughts. I don’t trust anyone and especially I don’t trust myself. Every second of my life is pain, mental torture, dizziness, tiredness, anxiety. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Nothing. I loved music, IT, languages, history, politics, diy, so many things… now? Nothing. I just wanna lie in bed and go through my paranoias for the millionth time all over again. Hoping I would soon fall asleep but at the same time fearing it because then I’ll have to wake up an live. I don’t wanna die, but I can’t live anymore. I thought my OCD would just stay the way it was (I had kinda learned how to cope with it a little bit) but now it has morphed into this life consuming thing that never goes away. On top of that in the past 3 years I went to a fair share of trauma: tinnitus, a very heavy breakup that I’m still obsessing about, met a very abusive and manipulative person that completely destroyed what was left of me and my life. Those are the most notable ones. I also have major depression, autistic traits and probably narcissistic traits. Ok I guess that’s it, sorry for the very long post.

I was thinking my thought on purpose and than I started to say it because I wanted to show ocd I didn't say it and I said it more than once and I have been avoiding it for more than one year and now happened and I feel devastated and ocd is telling me that I agree with it because I said it on purpose I feel numb and lost please help

LONG POST - PLEASE READ, IF NOT WHOLE POST PLEASE READ JUST SOME PARTS OF IT AND ANSWEAR ME IF YOU CAN, I NEED YOUR HELP😔 Hello, thank you in advance for reading this post and any experience/advice you could give me. I will try to describe my OCD to you somehow - it will be a long post, however, it will show a fraction of how my OCD manifests itself I guess. I want to know if my OCD was diagnosed correctly, if anyone else experiences same/similar symptoms of OCD as I do. I would very much like to connect with someone who has OCD like me. I read about OCD experiences, watched YouTube videos about people's experiences with OCD, how it manifests itself - I went through a lot of experiences of people with OCD disorder, but I didn‘t find a single one that would depict mine, while the experiences of the given people were similar or nearly the same. Some people were afraid of hurting themselves, others were afraid of hurting their loved ones/other people, others had a need to constantly wash their hands or themselves, others needed to touch objects more than once to prevent some bad event, others had religious or sexual OCD... - I don't experience any of this. I was diagnosed with OCD independently by two psychiatrists. I went to the first one without knowing I had a problem, I just got into such a state within my functioning at uni that I couldn't sleep and needed medication - it was during my bachelor’s year. I stopped taking the medication (Sertraline, slowly) after my master’s graduation. After my first experience at work, I looked for a psychiatrist again because I realized that I can’t function normally and what had been "normal" for me until now was extreme - exhausting functioning. I've had OCD since university (I identify with OCD ever since, that's when I experienced first strong stress) and I acknowledged it only now in January after 5 and a half years, after my first experience at work - I found out that I can't function normally at all and that things that I do and considered normal, aren‘t at all. I figured that out the first time I said it aloud and confided in my mom. According to the theory of OCD - yes, OCD works for me exactly according to its principle - obsessions & compulsions. However, I question my OCD diagnosis for the already mentioned reason - I have not come across any experience of a person with OCD symptoms similar to mine. I know that the theory about OCD states that OCD can manifest itself in many different ways and that our experiences do not have to be found in the literature about OCD, but theory is theory and from practice I have read about a lot of people with OCD and their experiences were same or at least similar. My OCD manifests itself in extreme perfectionism, precision, symmetry, I have to have everything under control, constantly reassure myself, repeatedly make sure of everything - in my head and also verbally, aloud whenever I can and nobody hears me. An example of what I do - when I go through my e-mails - 2 e-mails can easily take me 2 hours - I can read and respond to the e-mail in a few seconds. However, if it is, for example, a conversation where there are previously sent messages, I need to read, in addition to the current message, the entire course of the previously sent email conversation within one topic, I go through my answers and the other person's answers with my eyes, while checking that I have seen all the emails, I need to capture all of the information, have an overview of everything. At the same time, if there is, for example, something in the email that gives me an incentive - a link to a website or an application, I need to capture all this information, if it is useful, I save the pages or download the applications recommended. I connect all possible connections, if something comes to my mind during a given e-mail conversation. And I do it with everything - with everything I need to have an overview, that means connecting all the connections in order to have everything under control, and I only have that when I repeat things so many times that I remember them. Another example – wherever I have my stuff, e.g. in my bedroom - everything must have its place and it must be stored and organized according to how I do it. This way of functioning exhausts me because everything takes me an awfully long time as I need to have everything under control, that is as I said already when I repeat it so many times that I know it by heart. I have a big problem with uncertainty/changes/new situations – it causes me enormous stress, so I plan everything and function based on a diary. I start and end the day with my diary. This kind of functioning puts me in a situation where I have no time for anything or anyone, hardly any sleep - and when I function like this and have a lot of stress, I often have periods where I stay awake at night - my head is working, for example planning. According to many sources that I have read, the most effective OCD treatment is a combination of drugs and therapy. I read about cognitive behavioural therapy and its specific subtype - exposure and response prevention. - Is there anyone here who has OCD like this? - According to your own experience - did therapy and medication help you? Thank you again for reading this.

for me, i ruminate like crazy. all day, every day. 24/7 my mind is reflecting, worrying, criticizing. it’s to the point where when i meet someone new and introduce myself, i am immediately in my head thinking of all the reasons they hate me and why. i’ll literally convince myself i’m a loser or a horrible person and no one likes me. it’ll send myself into anxiety or depression spirals sometimes. but it’s literally. all. in. my. head. im recently diagnosed, and i feel like my lifelong anxiety makes so much sense now. but now i’m sooooo aware of intrusive thoughts or when my ocd is spiking. it’s exhausting.

i'm so scared to start erp as someone with contamination ocd and i honestly get so scared that it's not going to work (for me) because i genuinely can't imagine my brain not feeling like germs are scary and are gonna hurt me. like tonight i freaked out because i felt like my clean clothes touched my "dirty" shirt as i was switching over the laundry and it literally sent me into a panic attack about how hard it is to struggle with this. like how will i never find that as a threat? how will erp help that like will i have to intentionally wear dirty clothes? i'm just scared.

im having a big big panic attack right now and i cant even calm down. i get extreme anxiety when i know that someone is irritated at me . my ocd thoughts are going crazy. im not peaceful to be around . all i cause is irritation. please someone help . i cant stop crying