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This may be a bit tmi for some, it’s disgusting to even have to write this out, So for a long time I’ve been struggling with this worry that I ‘like the feeling of imagining doing that intrusive thought’ i don’t know how to explain it but when I imagined the intrusive thought (it’s about smothering with a pillow) it felt like I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ when imagining it and then I was worrying about it for so long thinking that I ‘like the feeling of stopping someone from breathing’ and its been bothering me for months, I can’t get over it and keep deliberately imagining the thoughts to ‘test’ myself and most times I get a ‘shudder’ or ‘electric shock’ kind of feeling and I feel really tense which should make me know ‘I don’t like it’ but I don’t believe it and keep imagining it until I get a headache from the amount of tension I’m getting through these ‘shudders/electric shock feeling’ but I keep having scary thoughts like ‘if its true that you like the feeling (it feels very true) what if you will end up doing it and liking it in the future and then you become a serial killer and enjoy doing that and are addicted to the ‘feeling’ like what these evil people do, and its really scary thought and feels extremely real like I feel like I’m believing this now more than ever I keep crying and praying and I don’t know what to do, I also read this news article about this man that murdered these roommates, people where commenting on the video saying ‘what was his motive’ and some people were saying ‘probably pleasure’ and that was worrying me and I was relating it to myself since I’ve been worrying because it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ of imagining acting on the intrusive thought or it feels like I would ‘like the feeling’ of squashing someone’s face with a pillow and stopping them from breathing (sorry I know that sounds disgusting) I’m really worried, I don’t want it to be true I don’t want to like something so horrible and if it’s true that I hate it why can’t I recognise that and why does it feel so real that I ‘like the feeling’ I’m really really worried, I’m meant to be starting college in a few months, I finally managed to apply since I was feeling better for a few weeks and was learning to cope not dwelling on the thoughts but I’m worrying again I don’t see how I can live with these fears they feel so real I feel like the only reason I’ve been coping as well is because I’ve hidden all the pillows behind the sofa because they were giving me a lot of stress and the thoughts felt to scarily real like I would actually do that and would ‘like the feeling of doing that’ I don’t understand say if it’s true that I like the feeling why does it feel like that if I hate it so much????

Hi all- My psychiatrist recommended for me to start on TMS therapy. It is traditionally used for treating depression but has lately been used to treat ocd. Has anyone gone thru this treatment? Any advice or comments? Naturally I’m anxious about it

Can this be ocd thinking.? So this guy and i were in a situationship for a long time and we both started feeling like we need a little time off or him or ig because he said he needs some time cause he is mentally going through something and I understand that well cause i am too so we decided to take some time off of eachother and be in no contact for a while and hopefully if the door is still open reconnect better and healed later if its gods will and both of us want it but i have strong feelings for him so it hasn't been the easiest to sit with the uncertainty of maybe we reconnect maybe we dont and this is the end or 1000 more thoughts and also i am scared and before we took the no contact decision this is a thing that happened cause things were a little off for quite sometime which led to the no contact.. If i dont let him go? Am i stopping somewhere something good for me? Are we just not gonna happen? Idk but it hurts …so many relationships dont work out dont end up being a part of the future your heartbreak teaches you a lot but the same heartbreak gives you everything you lost? How will that happen it will become a paradox right? So many people go through what i am going through with heart breaks i just don’t accept that and keep saying its ocd to brush under the carpet cause i am fearful but thats actually the truth? And i just am making it ocd frenzy to give another hope another chance but my behaviour is that of heartbreaks people go through and mine might be just that too? How do i not know its just that? I keep thinking he doesn’t care which he may not or idk but this so much together to take so many thoughts flood the brain its hard.. is this ocd?

So I try my best to accept uncertainty, however with Real event ocd I have constant memories of things that did actually happen. I find it's harder to accept the uncertainty of being a good/bad person, or the world is mostly a good/bad place. Mostly because these memories serve as "evidence" of the bad. Ruminations and the mental or online search for truth, or the unbearable urge to confess or seek reassurance are my compulsions. How do I accept that I may or may not be a bad person because of mistakes I've made? I just don't know.

Does OCD ever cause you immense guilt and shame? As if you did something wrong because of a bad thought. And have you ever thought of a bad thought you had from months or even a few years back, and it brings that guilt feeling back all over again. It’s so hard to escape that feeling. Especially when you want so badly to be a good person. It’s like your brain becomes the opposite of who you are, then you become so lost in that false perception that it feels like it’s really you. It feels like a never ending battle. Does anyone else just carry huge amounts of guilt because of your OCD?

I'm so sick physically and mentally ill from ALL this I suffer with autoimmune diseases as well and it's like one FEEDS the other my OCD is cutting my hair I'm CHECKING and RECHECKING for hours and hours and a full day can easily go by this is not OKAY 😔 I'm so fat I've gained 20lbs and I'm having a lot of symptoms physically with health issues now because of this I suffer with INSOMNIA and migraines now because of ALL that I'm doing to MYSELF and I'm emotionally drained and I'm crying like traumatized crying emotionally uncontrollably at times and this has made me so sign it's literally taking my LIFE away😔 I'm so sick of being sick my hips are bone on bone I can't put my socks on or shoes really and I'm in chronic pain and then food fatting like salt and sugar are making my life horrible as well and environmentally there are triggers too and I suffer with Tinnitus and the ringing is a trigger in my head as well so much shit I have a jaw that the jaw joints have deteriorated I went through a traumatic situation with a dentist I used to see and that's a trigger funk me😥 I have to say I never in million YEARS thought I would be talking about this cutting my hair NEVER this is absolutely absurd and I really think I'm punishing MYSELF I don't know what this is how this happened I had breast cancer in 2016 and I went through that better then this I can't believe I'm doing this to myself I really can't anymore I've lost so much TIME it's really unbelievable how this EVIL has destroyed my body physically my MIND and my SPIRIT😔

I’m 30 years old. I have two small children and I’ve been very afraid of dying ever since my first was born 6 years ago. I felt a lump in my breast at 19 and followed up with it for a few years until the clinic said I could stop following up and they ruled it was benign. But after my first sim was born I kept thinking about that lump (that was still there) and have been extremely cognizant of my breasts since. Breasts became lumpy and lumpier after second pregnancy. Had an annual exam (new baby is 20 months old) and I told the nurse practitioner I’m extremely afraid of cancer and noticed lumps in my breasts. She felt them too and wasn’t concerned but said let’s start mammograms early due to family history. Went for the mammogram and ultrasound today and panicked afterward. Hot feeling in my head. Ears are hot. Tingling and numb arms and hands. Can’t stop crying. I’m sad. I feel like I can’t live through a diagnosis. I feel guilt for not being a better mom and not enjoying my life more.

For years I’ve dealt with anxiety. I have endured trauma as a child, teenager and adult which have been heavy feelings to carry. I realized that the neglect of my father, the abandonment and abusive relationships as an adult, have not allowed me to continue on in healthy romantic relationships. When I’m single, I thrive. I’ve accomplished so much on my own including raising my son as a single mom. I became a home owner and a business owner all on my own too, which is great. Once I start dating, it all goes downhill. I become a different version of myself. I become insecure, anxious, low self esteem, doubtful. I’m filled with instructive thoughts that ultimately lead me to the same patterns and I end up breaking up and feeling guilty about it. I am currently working with a therapist for my ptsd and anxiety and they’ve helped with this current depressive state. BUT! I need more help. This is not enough and it’s not bringing any confidence when it comes to dating. I’ve read books about anxious attachment and it has allowed me to understand it a bit more. I realize that my obsession and constant intrusive thoughts about: “does he really like me?”, “is he just going it leave me?”, “is he honest about how he feels?”, “is he talking to other women?” Paralyze my existence and well being. I neglect work, lose sleep, stop eating, obsess about my appearance. Things that are not at all like me. I am feeling hopeful about discovering more about my ocd in relationships and about finding relief and real changes. I believe that I will make these changes and be successful in dating. I’m not giving up. I AM HOPEFUL ! ❤️

When have I completed a successful exposure and response prevention? When is it okay to wash my hands? I started therapy in January. Primary: OCD-Scrupulosity Secondary: Contamination (hand washing) I carried out self-initiated and self-developed ERP tonight against OCD-Contamination. I touched both garbage can handles as I brought them in from the curb. Normally, I would put work gloves on before handling the garbage cans. I used my bare hands. I picked up garbage that blew into my yard from other people's garbage. I used my bare hands. Gross. It was mostly different types of wet cardboard as it was raining. There was a toilet paper roll. Broken down boxes. A plastic candy wrapper. A McDonald's beverage lid. There were rabbit or deer droppings on part of the lid. Gross. I touched the side that didn't have droppings and shook the droppings off of the lid. The whole lid looked dirty, however. Gross. I brought everything into my garage and laid them on the floor to dry out overnight. I didn't wash my hands. I wiped off a minimum of the moisture on a paper towel. I put away my garbage cans, touching other items that have previously been contaminated by hands that touched my garbage bags. I touched the handle on my car door and then the inside handle and closed the car door. I drove my car into the garage. Once inside, I touched my gloves which were in my coat pockets. I touched the coat zipper and snaps. I touched my scarf. I touched my purse and items inside of it. I brought my pet bird cage into a small room. I took my bird out of the cage and he perched on my finger. My bird's perches in his cage have poop stains on them. His claws touch that. His claws were now on my finger. Gross. I put my bird back in his cage. I touched the container of my carryout Pho dinner. I touched a fresh microwaveable soup bowl. I poured the Pho into the bowl. I touched the microwave door as I put the bowl of Pho inside. After microwaving, I touched long strands of sticky rice noodles and put them in my Pho bowl. I touched my dish rag and used it to wipe Pho juice off of the counter. I lightly rinsed the dish rag with plain water. My hands got wet. I did not use soap. I dried my hands on a clean dish towel. I touched my phone. I touched a dirty napkin to wipe my face. How am I doing with ERP? Can I wash my hands now and call it a night? Normally, by now, I would have probably washed my hands about 10 times. I don't wash my hands longer than anyone else. I just wash them one time after every dirty item that I touch so that I don't contaminate clean items. I haven't washed my hands since I left work at 5 pm. My hands feel sticky. I want to wash my grapes. Normally, I would wash my hands with soap and water before touching my grapes (because I handled potentially poop-contaminated McDonalds beverage lid and my bird's poop-contaminated claws). But I will touch my grapes with my dirty hands and only wash them with plain water. I'm sick of this OCD, so I want to attack it head on...or dirt on.

hi! I'm really struggling with rocd right now. I have a boyfriend that I'm very in love with, and havent doubted that until now. I've been struggling with what I think is derealization, which has caused myself to feel distant from him, and like he isnt actually my boyfriend. because of this, I now I keep getting repetitive intrusive thoughts that I dont love him, and that I never loved him, and that I don't even know him. its terrifying. I've told him about this, and hes very supportive. he knows I still love him, and just wants to help me. but I'm so terrified of these thoughts to the point of almost believing them. if anyone else has struggled with this, how do you cope? I've been trying to reassure myself of my memories of him, and looking at things I do currently that show I still have love for him, but I would love some other ideas since it's still hard to convince myself. thank u!!

Yes I find one of my boyfriends friend attractive. Do I think of him a lot? No. Do i wanna be with him? No. But when he gets mentioned I get scared. I get scared I’ll end up having a crush on him. I try to not look at his account out of fear I’ll end up liking him. Someone mentioned he went to a girls house and I think I felt kinda jealous and I was like why would I? And I’m scared now. I don’t wanna have a crush on this boy. I’m scared I will. It feels wrong I don’t want to I just wanna be with my boyfriend. My minds trying to tell me that I do like his friend and I don’t wanna and it feels like I do but I don’t want to :/

i have a lot of symptoms of adhd in women but i don’t know if they are actually adhd or not. especially since i’m a very anxious person of being in trouble so i don’t tend to hand in important projects late in fear of being in trouble or my need for perfectionism. however im a very unorganised person and could easily forget ANYTHING and my time management skills are not the best, i don’t know if this could be adhd still as im a high achiever and have to be perfect in the things i do - any women with adhd could you give your advice?

OCD tells me lots of lies, And masquerades as truth, But no matter how hard it tries, It’s all just fantasy and goes poof.

I know reassurance isn't the way, ERP is... but I just can't help it anymore. Everywhere I look I see "proof" or "signs" of my "true sexuality" or the fact that I'm not actually het, but a late-bloomer queer woman. I know there's no way to be 100 percent sure, but I can't help but think of the destruction that will result in my bf's life if that were to be the case. Tbh, this theme has been looming over me for a while. It showed up once when i was 11 with a female classmate that i admired. Then, when i first started dating my current partner he told me a story about his best friend dating a girl who ended up "wasting his time" and breaking up due to wanting to experiment with the same sex. The caused IMMENSE anxiety. At that time, I was only about 20. But, I saw a spike starting March 15, 2022 when I encountered a masculine woman at my job. All I realized was "wow, that person has a nice eye color", yet here I am a year later STILL trying to proce/disapprove if I have attraction to the same sex. ANY woman I come across (relatives, random women, feminine, masculine, young and old) are IMMEDIATELY sexualized! It's INCREDIBLY distressing! Day and night, I'm bombarded with images or thoughts about va*inas, and doing out of character sexual acts with random women. I have a long history of liking, pining, crushing (and for once, actually falling in love) with men. I LOVVVEEE my partner. There has never been anyone more genuinely good for me! I also made the mistake of going to two gay male friends of mine at the beginning of all this. They both said something along similar lines: That they too thought they liked the "oppposite" sex, but later realized that this was just them conditioning themselves to feel this way. They actually liked the same sex but repressed it for personal reasons. One even laughed and said he thinks I'm going through the same thing as him, to either have an open relationship with my bf, experiment, or break up. All these options go against who I am and WHAT I genuinely want and value. Yet, somehow these conversations have stuck with me throughout all this. I've been in ERP for a while now... I've seen slow and steady progress. But more relapses, periods of confusion and depression more than anything. This makes me think that I was misdiagnosed with OCD and somehow lied or was not given the appropriate diagnosis. I know, it sounds unreasonable given my history, yet I still can't stop dwelling on the what ifs.... If someone can relate, please reach out. 🙏 My heart YEARNS to get engaged to my partner lately, get married eventually, and have a few kids. I hate that ocd tries to erase and contradict everything I've ever wanted....

Hello everyone my journey with harm ocd has been so distressing and can’t even describe how lost and lonely I feel. I also had a moment yesterday where I had another moment of harm ocd and my thoughts were saying “yes just do it”. Brought me to tears. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?

OCD has been showing up in my life In everything. I have a obsession with being perfect to the extreme so I get lots of thoughts of what I need to do etc. so I write them down on notes. Ended up being so many notes there all over my table & house. It’s gotten to the point where I tap certain notes multiple times. I also have to tap my products multiple times a day. Not only that but I’ll have to say things to my self multiple times. I also have to do certain things written down on my notes or I get anxiety and have to talk to myself about it out loud and why it’s wrong etc. Not to mention all the intrusive thoughts in my head. I worry to much about the future. And I overthink about my past and what I could have done. I also think a lot about weird things and stuff that doesn’t matter. Also when i’m in relationships I obsessive over the person and how I feel or how they feel or our interactions. The littlest things can set me off,I can have a bad interaction with someone and I’ll think about it all day. My OCD just keeps getting worse and worse and I just want it to all stop.

Is it possible to start finding the gender you once preferred undesirable? I try to imagine a future with men versus with women, and imagining ending up with men now makes me feel more anxious than being with women and I don’t know why.

Navigating the modern dating world along side ROCD can be a major challenge. Maybe you fear that you will not find the "perfect person" or that they won't be able to "handle" the doubts and intrusive thoughts that you share from time to time. It can seem so intimidating to look for a partner when you struggle with the uncertainty of relationships to begin with. I want to remind you that just because you deal with ROCD doesn't mean you can't find a kind and loving partner. I encourage you to go on that date, sit with uncertainty and know that every step you take forward towards your happiness is a step in the right direction.

So this guy and i were in a situationship for a long time and we both started feeling like we need a little time off or him or ig because he said he needs some time cause he is mentally going through something and I understand that well cause i am too so we decided to take some time off of eachother and be in no contact for a while and hopefully if the door is still open reconnect better and healed later if its gods will and both of us want it but i have strong feelings for him so it hasn't been yhe easiest to sit with the uncertainty of maybe we reconnect maybe we dont and this is the end or 1000 more thoughts and also i am scared and before we took the no contact decision this is a thing that happened cause things were a little off for quite sometime which led to the no contact.. Friends someone sending me some reel and saying this for you thats saying not worth it too what do i do? Its like everything and everyone tell you against it and you lose hope and maybe i should maybe these people are right and i am not listening to them maybe this is exactly what it is supposed to be and i am not taking it and letting go or these conversations seem hard and like a harsh truth and whatever it is which is why its a hard pill to sallow and i am not able to do that but somewhere thats because i know its true? Do i believe that? Maybe it not worth it to even hope for ever reconnecting but just forgetting? Are these all signs i am ignoring? Why does it hurt but there’s also nothing i can do because we arent talking and maybe this is how we stop but cant even know if what i want is right anymore or not….meant for me or not? Good for me or not?

I am not sure how to even describe what I am going through. And even typing this, I feel like a liar and feel like this is not even OCD. I have Harm OCD. I have had the thoughts, urges, and images. It has felt so real and so scary. I have been able to use ERP for all of that and was mainly successful. But now something new is happening and it does not feel like it is OCD. I cannot even put into words what it feels like, but I will try. It feels like the thoughts have overtaken me and now I’m this evil person who will act on the thoughts. My anxiety is not super high, which scares me because it feels like I have gone too far into the dark side. It feels like I have had these thoughts too long and they are all I can think about. It feels like I’m no longer myself and my identity has changed. I feel very weird. Like not even myself. It feels like there is this dark cloud following me and I try to use ERP but it does not feel like it is working. Not sure if I am ruminating or not because I have no idea what is even going on. I am living my life still, but it feels like it is just a matter of time until I snap. I am very scared right now because I’m not sure what this means and I cannot figure it out. I wish I could explain it perfectly but I do not even know how to put it into words.