Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m interested, and if anyone wants to share: did OCD, at any point, get involved in anybody through the process of receiving the vaccine?

sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror and picturing me a scary images. I’ve never heard voices or anything like that but I was just cleaning and I had all my jeans laid out on the floor and someone convinced me that they were watching me like it sounds so crazy idk how to explain I’m just crying because I feel so insane and detached from reality

I'm struggling with suicidal ocd & depression and I'm wondering how to push through and stay strong when the ocd is trying to convince you that it's an option. I know I don't want to commit suicide because I'm terrified and I have reassurance compulsions and checking. I want to know how to do ERP for this theme?

I’m so paranoid about everything that’s been going on in the world and I keep seeing it everywhere and I have a deep Fear of everything going wrong in the world getting crazy.

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling this way. It just keeps coming back over and over again. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that I've sexually assaulted someone and I've ruminated so many times on it that I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if an elbow brushing against someone constitutes for that but I'm terrified of it and have been since it happened. Other thoughts keep saying I'm a bad person that's hiding things and I just get drained and defeated from these thoughts. I don't know if I'll ever move on from the past.

Does anyone get triggered by watching crime or real even shows/documentaries or just the news about shootings..etc? When I watch them I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong or that I am capable of something like that when I know that I would never, but it scares me to death when I see things like this!!

{a bit nsfw} Hey, So I'm pretty sure I'm bi but think I still might have so-ocd. From around 12 I started watching gay porn and liked it, but also had crushes on girls previously. so the analysing and overthinking came with it pretty soon. can't say it nicer: Watching gay stuff makes me horny. But I'd have intimacy or a relationship only with a woman and I find women hot too. My anxiety is about being gay and only faking attraction to women. Since societal norms taught me heterosexual stuff ofc. I worry I only try to fit in and it's not real attraction to girls. I feel like I should feel. And ofc. there's the fear that it's not ocd but denial and ocd is am excuse. I haven't been disgnosed so might as well be true. My reassurance is erotic fantasies about women and watching hot girls and even porn to get an erection. These toughts and anxiety makes me lose focus, take up so much time and energy. I'm also super afraid of coming out or getting into a relationship until I 'figure it out'. 🙋 If you are bi with so-ocd, do you guys exists lol? how are you doing? how did/does it show up for you? What did you do to reduce the compulsions but also the anxiety?

How do you live with these thoughts without the fear of actually being in denial and having to leave your relationship. I don’t have any sexual attraction to a guy but my brain and thoughts put that in my mind. Soocd sucks.. any advice? Tired of these thoughts and feeling like I’m lying to myself. Diagnosed with ocd as well btw

Hey friends. I’m kind of experiencing a spike today. Everything my husband says or does to love me makes me feel sick. I’m avoiding him and just dreading pursuing quality time. How do you choose through this and these strong feelings and urges? It sucks. Has anyone seen the other side with more confidence?

How can I stop obsessing over future events and there potential outcome (personal failure etc)? I've noticed that I start to analyse the situation compulsively and think about every scenario possible. It causes lots of anxiety. This is probably also OCD?

How do y’all deal with I’m going to intrusive thoughts? I’m struggling!

Broke up with me today. I’m so sad… I just keep obsessing about what I did wrong, why he broke up with me. It’s horrible.. does anyone have any tips how to deal with this?

TW: anxiety about cheating At the very beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend used to joke about having side girls and he would call me “side girl #6” as a joke. One he finally realized that it was genuinely upsetting to me, he stopped. However he did accept girls’ numbers from the gym to talk about “gym stuff” and if they would send a suggestive picture he would remove them. I can’t help but feel uncomfortable about the fact that he accepted their Snapchats in the first place though. We’re approaching a year and a half of dating and he recently still teases me by pretending to be sketchy with his phone like pulling it away from me and acting like there’s something he doesn’t want me to see even if he’s just on Doordash. I have been recently all insecure and anxious about him possibly cheating lately and I honestly think it might be because of his joking. He says that when I say stop he doesn’t realize that I’m completely serious unless I initiate a serious conversation about it. (I have a hard time being confrontational sometimes/trying to avoid conflict so he says I would say it in a way that he mistakes for flirting). I just watched a YouTube video where they mentioned someone cheating by texting and hiding their phone and now I’m worried again. I’m imagining when people get out of a relationship and they’re like “oh those are all the signs I didn’t pay attention to” or “I ignored those red flags” and now I’m afraid that’s what’s happening. I had a serious talk with him last night about how it hurts me and he was sorry but I just can’t get over the thought of what if he’s lying even though I trust him. He’s a good liar and I’m a gullible person.

I just went to my first session with a therapist. He's not a specialist on ocd but he has treated patients with it too. I told him my history and initially he told me there was a possibility that I had ocd. Then, he asked me my current theme, as it was something I initially omitted. Then I told him it was hocd, and I told him my thought process on it. By the end of the session, he was telling me that our thoughts do not translate to who we are and all of that, and that he thought I had intrusive thoughts with obsessive tendencies or something like that. I don't get what changed mid session. This triggered me slightly and Im thinking of not going anymore if he's not gonna treat this as ocd. Maybe I'll go to one more and decide. What do you guys think?

In genuinely feel like I jsut don’t know how to deal with all of this, like I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. I have been worrying because when I imagined the thought on purpose to test myself (it’s a smothering thought) it feels like I like the feeling of doing that and the first time I ‘tested’ myself with a thought I was round my auntie house and she has these huge pillows in her house and I kept having intrusive thoughts but then jsut felt like unwanted intrusive thoughts but it was bothering me so I tested myself with the thought and I got anxiety but it felt like I liked the feeling of imagining doing that and that I knew how it felt to do that (squash someone’s face with a pillow stop them from breathing) (sorry sounds horrible) but I’ve been obsessing over it and worrying because it feels like I like the feeling and I’m worrying it feels good to do that and I’ve hidden all the pillows in my houses and during the day I can’t even spend time In my room with my mum because there are pillows in there and I’ve come somewhere with my mum now and there is this huge pillow and I feel like I don’t know why (this will sound horrible) but I keep thinking I have to imagine it and I got this horrible thought that with a bigger pillow doing that smothering thing will feel ‘good’ but I don’t know I jsut feel confused and I’m believing it and as soon as I got that thought and was worrying about the big pillow I’m thinking there jsut definitely be something wrong with me how can I think that? How can it come to my head that ‘it would feel good’ to do that since it’s a bigger pillow?’ And I don’t know if that’s because the first time I imaginined it the pillow was huge and I got a lot of anxiety but felt like I liked the feeling of imagining smothering someone and it feels like I know how it feels to do that. And my head was tempting me to imagine the thought of smothering after I saw that huge pillow but I just came on here to write this because it’s obviously wrong to keep imagining that and I’m just worried but not worried enough to know I’m not evil, and after ruminating a lot I’ve chosen to try and ignore it but it’s so difficult like extremely every time I see a pillow I feel like I HAVE to imagine that smothering thing like it’s become a habit and I feel like i have to test myself I never get an answer as to whether I hate it and instead feels like it could ‘feel good’ to do that and I don’t want to be evil but I’m worried that maybe that feeling of ‘liking the feeling’ will take over and I will actually do that or that maybe I secretly do want to and like the feeling? On one hand I feel anxious and like I don’t like the thoughts and on the other hand it feels like i like the feeling of suffocating someone and it’s awful I don’t know what to do I feel like I can’t live like this how can I live life and in the back of my head be thinking ‘it feels good to do that’ that means I could be evil at anytime and I’m worried I’m trying to pick myself up and forget but this time it seems a lot harder to do that, like it’s more sticky this time and feels more real and like there’s no hope. And I also get this horrible thing where it feels like I might be ‘excited’ or ‘happy’ or want to ‘smile’ over the thoughts or certain bad situations like this morning I was ruminating and I had a really horrible thought but it felt like I might be ‘happy’ or ‘excited’ over it and I was thinking omg what is wrong with me why does it feel like that and basically the thought was me imagining a scenario someone has a kid and wants me to look after/watch over the kid and then I decide to be evil and then I don’t know if it’s the anxiety or adrenaline but it felt like I was ‘happy’ over that thought and I heard online that anxiety and excited feelings can feel the same so maybe I’m confused? I feel like im faking everything it feels like now I like the feeling of doing that and I’m jsut postponing or recently I’ve been worrying maybe there are things I want to do in life or other things that make me happy that’s why I’m postponing being evil? I read this horrible post online i regret reading things on the quora page thingy I was looking up about intrusive thoughts but it seemed like there was actually a sick person on there and they were saying they have ‘evil desires’ but they just relieve them by drawing out there evil desires and it’s because they have things they want to do in life but if there evil they won’t be able to do those things so now I’m worried what if I’m like that I use any opportunity to compare myself to an evil person. I jsut feel like I’m lying because every time it feels like the thoughts could actually happen or like an ‘urge’ and now that it’s backed up with I ‘like the feeling’ it makes it even more real and makes it feel like I actually ‘want’ to do that and would enjoy it and I’m scared. I think doing something with my life might help like getting a job, I’ve applied for college but I’m worried I’m evil and I have nothing to do all day so have loads of time to ruminate I feel Like that’s why my ocd got so bad in the first place. I don’t know what to do I try and pray but still feel like that feeling of liking the feeling is true because it feels extremely reaL like I would actually like the feeling of doing that

I can't ask anyone in my family but i wonder from where i got all of this OCD, ADHD and all... I just can guess this one thing that is My Childhood was Traumatic so my whole life as well so maybe from there.... Who knows Wish these things never happened :(

I had a good doctor before. She was understanding and she would call me weekly to know how I was doing and we would meet once monthly. Sadly, she had to stop working for some time because of her personal issues. Then, I’ve a new doctor who doesn’t remember who I am, and we have met twice. A doctor who has tried to diagnose me twice, because he doesn’t remember who I am. And a doctor that says that I don’t have OCD because I am not obsessed with cleaning. I told him that I cannot go out to the street without tidying up my room because I feel that if I don’t do it, my day will be a disaster and something tragic will happen, and he replied “It’s good to be that clean”. I am so frustrated. I said that when I am studying I don’t want to stop so that I can eat because if I do it then I feel that I can’t keep studying because I’ve wasted my time and then I am useless and he replied “You are a good student”. He sent my case to the psychiatrist because he doesn’t know how to help me and he told me to keep taking my meds and that is all. Fantastic. He said that my thoughts aren’t normal (I told him my magical thinking thoughts) and that then I should go to the psychiatrist. This is hilarious.

I have had a huge increase in Intrusive Thoughts this week. It’s making things super difficult for me, I am on my period but I also think I’m having more intrusive thoughts recently because things are going well for me right now. I just keep waiting for everything to fall apart because my mind makes me believe that I don’t deserve more than one good thing at a time. My mind is in constant fight or flight mode. I cannot stop thinking about every past mistake or how someone may have thought I had bad or malicious intentions when I didn’t. I keep thinking I’m going to get in trouble for something and go to jail, I’m especially scared about work and messing up someone’s check out and getting fired or arrested. I hate feeling this way, there is just so much going on in my head and I’m terrified and stressed all the time.

First my credit card fell on the floor at the coffee shop. I managed to pick it up with gloves, clean it with wet wipes and put it back in my wallet (usually I would try to wash it, but managed to just wipe and put away). Then as ai was throwing away the wipes and gloves, my glasses fell out of my bag, onto the floor. They were in the case so I ended up dumping the glasses on the table and discarding the case (but later found my good case that I've been looking for in my car since last year 😁). I later decided to get rid of the 3 bags of garbage sitting on my counter, went outside, and of course it was raining. I continued to the dumpster, and tried to throw it from a distance. One bag hit the dumpster, while the other 2 went in. I didn't want to get in trouble, so I picked up the bag and threw it in (despite that it felt extra contaminated), and removed the gloves I had on. I continued to enter my apartment and touch stuff (even though it was raining and water that was on my contaminated gloves could have gotten on me). I continued then to go clean my bathtub/shower/shower curtain. Right now I'm trying very hard not to start avoiding touching things and still working a bit about contamination in my apartment (I have chain type contamination OCD that is disgust based, not getting sick based). I hate this😭

From the title this sounds like a good thing but it’s actually stressing me out. Just trying to see if anyone can relate or can perhaps point me into the right direction. Warning- My post talks about heavy stuff involving violence and mental illness. Please do not proceed if you’re not comfortable with those topics. For context I struggle with harm OCD and am going on to two years since my initial diagnosis. I’ve been on two ssri’s since then. lexapro and more recently effexor. For the past few months i’ve been struggling with a questionable feeling that has be doubting my diagnosis and whether i’m sane. Yesterday, I was lifting my weights while sitting down and my dog sat at my legs. I decided that this was a good moment for an exposure as I could pretend I could drop my weight on my dog as one of my obsessions was harming him. I then proceeded to hold it over him and I felt nothing. I lifted finger by finger until i was barely gripping the weight. I felt nothing. No fear. no anxiety. nothing. nothing was telling me not to do it. I felt like a normal person should at least feel alarmed if they were about to hurt their dog. This however wasn’t the only case. About 6 months ago I was doing a knife exposure and my dog happened to be nearby. I decided it was best i practice on my dog. I got closer to him acting as if i was about to stab him. I felt nothing. I rubbed the knife against him and felt nothing. I felt like i could do it if i wanted too and would feel nothing. At the beginning of the my diagnosis before i received treatment, I was fragile. Everything would set me off into a spiral of sadness and guilt. I’d cry at just the thought of harming my parents. I’d cry if i held a knife in close proximity to my mother. I’d cry at the mention of psychopath or sociopath. I’d cry if I didn’t feel something that I felt I should. I have a feeling of returning to those days as those emotions felt like reminders that i was human. Although I was deeply suicidal during that period the crying helped. Now I just feel numb and somewhat suicidal. I now only have some semblance of fear. Now for some heavier stuff. The shooting that took place yesterday sparked old obsessions. I feel like i’m capable of carrying out a mass shooting. I don’t think i would be able to feel anything. I’m not scared thinking this or typing it out. I don’t know what to do. That person who did it seemed so normal. Its almost as if i’d be capable of doing the same thing. I can’t feel anything. someone please help