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the NOCD Community

im so worried, ive had intrusive thoughts and haven’t really reacted and now im ruminating and trying to remember if i had reactions or not! im also feeling so terrible, i feel like ive failed little me, because she wanted to be so much and do so much, i feel like ive let her down and my ocd isn’t making it any better, ive never had confidence because of the abuse i suffered but now i feel like i can’t do anything, even my passions, i just want to leave

Anyone else feel like your mind is so trained to react and be scared of thoughts that a thought doesn’t even have to fully form for you to be scared or already know you need to do a compulsion? And then your brain makes something up. Idk how to explain it but I feel like sometimes I’m going insane and it’s freaking me out because my thoughts aren’t full thoughts and they are often so hard to even explain that I’m afraid no one will understand them

Anyone notice it’s hard to enjoy things before your brain felt like it broke? My family is the nicest kindest people and I feel like I spend so much time on ocd that I don’t even enjoy them. I put on a smile but on the inside I don’t feel genuine. My faith has also been a huge part of my life and I’m just numb to everything right now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and can enjoy things.

Hello everyone, forewarning this post will be discussing Suicidal OCD. So during my OCD journey I’ve struggled with various subtypes and only till recently have I started having these what I’ll call S-OCD thoughts. I’ve worked in therapy treating my other subtypes but have only now felt this one more and I’m wondering if anyone else who experiences this finds that it can flare up during times of emotional distress or stress? For example, today for me has been incredibly tough emotionally with life circumstances going on and while driving I had some intrusive thoughts regarding crashing on purpose or things like that. Does anyone else experience these feelings? Thanks for taking the time to read and I sincerely wish you all nothing but the best. 🙏

or can it be something you’re very anxious about or fearing ?

So I’m 22. I’ve had OCD (like all subtypes) all my life, and have been in treatment and practicing mindfulness only for the past almost 2 years. Now, my ocd is manageable for the most part, although some days thoughts get sticky and ocd gets tricky. As I am on a journey of mindfulness, I hear weedz can assist with your spiritual awakening and teach you more about mindfulness. I DO NOT ever want to experience psychosis or hallucinations. I hear psychosis can lead to psychological disorders like schizophrenia in rare cases. But I’m still curious about 🍃. What is your thoughts or advice or recommendations? I’m not sure if I should try it.

Hi all. I am overwhelmed with a nudging, horrible fear that my father is using me to replace the emotional connection he had with my now passed mother. He makes innuendos and my OCD immediately starts barraging me with "One day he's going to try and rape you" and "He's sexually attracted to you because you look like her before she got sick." He says I'm one of the only people he has. He hasn't made any inappropriate actions and a lot of the NSFW "jokes" I excuse as him now having very good social skills. I just wish these thoughts would stop so I can be there for him through this shared grief without feeling scared shitless and disgusted at him and myself with no logical basis for it. I'm tearing myself and my family apart with these thoughts. They delve into "He probably raped you as a kid" and all sorts of past events that I can't verify as being "true" but can't rule out as "false" either. I just want to be able to love and support my dad without feeling disgusting, or like I'm leading towards something worse. Has anyone else had a similar experience? What did you do to find comfort or resolution? How do I stop being scared of and disgusted with my dad when he didn't even do anything? I don't want to tell him about these thoughts because I can imagine how horrifying it would be to hear your daughter tell you she's scared you're gonna rape her, but I can't tell anyone else either. I feel crazy. I feel totally alone. I feel like my OCD has robbed me of my dad.

I confessed to my girlfriend about things I did in the past and I feel like she's disgusted with me and is making her upset. Any tips on how to stop confessing? This is literally hell. Every morning I wake up with anxiety and guilt and feel the need to confess something. Am I not allowed to be happy and move on from my past without feeling the need to let everyone know and them thinking I'm a freak?

to start off i wanna say i dont have a therapist with nocd unfortunately :( okay so, i really like my therapist. shes cool n all but she doesnt believe i have ocd. ive told her about my trichotillomania, my countless breakdowns because i thought i didnt love my partner, my crippling anxiety because i think im cursed and im going to be sent to hell, my panic attacks because i thought i had colon cancer and breast cancer, my mother even having ocd but she thinks its all just from trauma because, well, shes a trauma specialist while i do have trauma, i just feel so unheard and havent brought up any of it again because it's disheartening and embarrassing to be shut down like that i mean i dont want her to lie to me but like. i really dont see how its NOT ocd if it isnt i genuinely feel like id go insane because i no longer have a reason for my behaviors and it would mean im just a crazy person but, what do i do? i dont really want to leave her because shes really nice and i have issues with abandonment but

I have difficulties with OCD and my themes seem to be interchangeable throughout the day. I’m 40 though and I’m only just getting diagnosed. Since they put OCD on the table and I know what my problem is now things are much better. For starters I have meds but also every once in a while, when I’m having a little worry, I can say oh, that’s OCD and it is a perfect solution. When I didn’t know what my problem was and for the 16 years (and counting) that it was diagnosed as schizophrenia I thought my worries were legitimate and I’d ruminate like crazy. Imagine believing you were crazy and actually having a schizophrenia diagnosis. Anyway thanks to the group and to everyone that shares their story. 🙌🙌🙌

Diagnosed recently, and it’s often painful to look back and see how undiagnosed OCD caused dysfunction and pain in my last relationships. Thank god, not in any externalized or controlling way; precisely the opposite. Paralyzing fear of potentially being controlling or abusive towards my partners, or that my anxiety would lead me to lose my mind, led to this horrible, drawn-out freezing up process where I felt like an empty shell of a person by the end. Just very afraid of affecting my partner in any way with my rapidly escalating anxiety, and then anxiety about anxiety, and then anxiety about how frozen I was by my anxiety. Looking back is really painful. There are so many what ifs, which I’m sure is common with breakups but it takes up so much of my day and lasts years. I worry that I tore myself down so much that genuinely wonderful and potentially compatible partners felt alone, and I worry that I’m doomed to night-long panic attacks and paralyzing anxiety in all future relationships. How do I let things go?

Anyone taking Lexapro? Thoughts? Has it helped?

Is there anyone that’s lost ALL attraction to the opposite gender. It doesn’t even scare me really anymore. It just makes me so sad. I feel numb towards men. I don’t THINK it used to be like this. I used to have crushes on guys, never a girl. and i loved that feeling. Now it’s all gone. Please. If anyone is out there with this. Please let me know I’m not alone. Please

I just got out of 6 weeks residential treatment on 3/30. I’m going back to shortterm inpatient today. I’ve been to the ER 5 times in 6 days. I am convinced I’m dying. I’m unmedicated because I’m scared to take my new antidepressants. I’m scared of serotonin syndrome. I’m scared of side effects. I feel like I will never get better. If 6 weeks of intensive treatment didn’t help, what else could? I would rather not wake up anymore if this is what my life is going to be like. I guess that’s why I’m going back to inpatient.

I just got verified to start therapy! Yay! I was so worried I wouldn’t have coverage.

Today I turn 51, and I'm so tired not from work family or the news. I'm tired of living like this Not saying I'm gonna off myself please don't get me wrong and I don't want to upset anyone. I'm just tired and if I don't wake up tomorrow that'd be ok. Does anyone else feel like this?

I've often been told by fellow Christians that sometimes God can communicate through feelings of "uneasiness" or "unpeace." So often I have feelings of uneasiness but other times it feels like anxiety. It makes it so hard to know what's what. Does anyone else ever experience this? Has anything helped?

In December I got triggered from someone mentioning something about dying in there sleep and I’ve never had this fear before then. I think it’s the fact that I wouldn’t know , and the fact that I could go to sleep and not wake up. but it’s gotten to the point where im wondering if I’ve been “preparing myself“ it’s changed the way I do so many things , like talk , the song lyrics I sing , even listening to singers who died. and watching movies , and everyday I mean everyday my mind tells me “ you’re doing this because you’re gonna die soon” and every time I hangout with people and not to be “ cocky” but people usually like me , and I make everyone laugh. It just makes me think of me dying and all of them reacting because im “ making new friends” to care about me because im gonna die. and I always imagine me in those videos of people posting about there passed friends/family and I full in depth imagine what people would say/post . I also struggle with numbers and things correlating it too “ when I’m gonna die” I don’t know how to explain the feeling i just used to never think twice that it could ever be me dying and affecting everyone. I’m sorry for the rant , I just truly don’t know what to do/think anymore. it’s hurting me so much :(

I’ve been struggling with health/allergy OCD lately. I’d love to hear some stories from everyone to help me cope and move through this.

Any wins in your ERP today? Please share.