Welcome to
the NOCD Community

To whoever’s struggling, hope you feel better ❤️‍🩹

Hi- I’ve come here because I feel so overwhelmed with my emotions and how to deal with them. I have a male colleague who I have been working with and consider a friend. We would text casually as friends but I stopped because I didn’t want him or my husband to get the wrong impression. My colleague knew I was married, but continued to text me casually. I made sure to always mention my husband. At that time I didn’t think it was a big deal so I would respond to be nice (and since we were co workers) but had no intention behind it. I wasn’t sure if he had a crush on me because he didn’t tell me but I sort of had a feeling he did? Anyway our company went on a work incentive trip and I met him in person for the first time. I even introduced my husband and they got along. I thought everything was good until I started to notice I wanted his attention and wanted him to notice me? I think I wanted to get it out of him out of him if he liked me or not. He continued to text me while on the trip and one night told me I looked pretty (i said thank you) then proceeded to text me if I would have a drink at the bar with him. I did not respond to his texts or show my husband as I didn’t want to cause a scene during the rest of the trip. None of that happened either. I thought to not make things weird I would text him the next day as if nothing happened. Anyway, I felt so guilty after coming home from the trip that I shared every single detail with my husband and have convinced myself that I cheated. My husband is the most amazing man I’ve ever met and it kills me that I can’t be in the moment with him and I’ve become obsessed with compulsions and checking to see if I’ve cheated. Even if my husband said I didn’t and he forgives me and to move on, I can’t stop replaying every single interaction and how I felt then and what I’ve texted or of I came across as if I was flirting. I confess to him every night to help me feel better but it only works for a little. I really want to move past this but it’s become so overwhelming that when we’re with other couple friends I have a thought to compare if our marriage is as good as theirs or if they have experienced similar struggles and it kills me that this issue has caused me so much stress to even ruminate the fact if I love my husband or if this means there is a stain on our marriage and I can’t move in from it. I was at such a happy place in my life and thought nothing would ever come between me and my husband but I just want move past this guilt or thoughts of me cheating. Please share some advice if you can thank you

I’m just so fed up of feeling this way. I’m trying so hard to stop ruminating which is only making it worse… I feel like I’m not capable of stopping ruminating. I had a good day yday and was fine up until midday today and it’s just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I’m so tired of fighting every single day and getting nowhere 😢

I was wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any guidance on this. I have always been weary of alcohol because I grew up with family members who were alcoholics and had family pass away from substance abuse. Additionally my dad and his family have always drank a lot the way they act when they drink always brought me anxiety. My friends have family members who are abusive and alcoholics so i’ve always been aware of the negative effects of it. I am a master’s social work and have learned all about it how harmful alcohol is for some people. I didn’t drink much before I was legal, I’m 22 now and rarely drink. I know that I never have to drink, and I don’t have much desire to because I’m on antidepressants anyway. But i feel like my anxiety gets so bad when drinking is mentioned or I have an event that is coming up where drinking will be involved. At these events I will usually at least have one drink bc I also have an extreme fear of being judged and being the only one not drinking would bring me a lot of anxiety. My girlfriend knows that I am not a fan of drinking and she says that she doesn’t really like it either because she doesn’t like the taste. But I honestly really fear that she is just sayin that and I am holding her back from having fun. She has mentioned stories before where she was drunk with friends (not even the main part of the story but just even if it’s mentioned) and it makes me feel awful, like I am the lamest girlfriend and she probably had more fun with her exes and friends. She says that she doesn’t have a desire to but her past stories kinda contradict that. I am just so scared that she will start to resent me and see me as a buzzkill. I know i have ROCD so that contributes to this. I think a lot of this stems from my OCD and need to have control. If people are drinking it scares me especially if it’s people close to me. I know logically that drinking one night doesnt mean the person i love is gonna start drinking everyday or anything. But that doesnt stop my anxiety. My girlfriend invited me to a party for her college graduation and it’s at a bar. I don’t want to hold her back from having fun if she wants to drink. I am just really worried about the anxiety I will feel. We have gone out together before and we both just shared on drink. She said that’s all she wanted but again I fear that she’s lying to make me feel better. I mentioned this to a past therapist (who I am actually going to stop working with bc she’s kinda been invalidating after I was diagnosed with OCD by another provider) and she kinda dismissed it, saying logically I know that drinking one night doesnt make someone an alcoholic. A lot of my OCD fears I have more compassion for myself for but this one is really hard for me. I just feel like it’s so stupid of me (not looking for reassurance that’s just how I feel). I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has felt like this before and if they have any tips to get over it. I do have my first appointment with a NOCD therapist after my assessment soon as well.

hey, i’ve not seen this get talked about a lot? but does anyone get hyperawareness about the mere presence of thinking taking place? the fact that we have thoughts? that come & go and just the process of it all. It’s really hard, i feel like the hyperawareness is really with me. I get the way to deal with these thoughts/feelings is to not actively engage with them but even not engaging with them in the sense feels weird. I feel so alone in this, i hope anybody understands how i feel

Hey everyone, I’m needing some help and would really appreciate it at least one person responded. I need advice. I just recently got broken up with a few days ago by my girlfriend of 3 years. I thought we were gonna last forever and we had plans for the future. My OCD made her so insecure that she couldn’t take it any more. She says she sees herself in a different light now and it’s all because of me :(. I don’t know if this is selfish to say but not only does it make me extremely sad, but also frustrated, because I can’t control that I have OCD. I know I can control my compulsions to an extent but she said “if you know the compulsion would hurt me then why would you say it?” And like I get where she’s coming from but she doesn’t have OCD and I feel like people on this app/in this community would understand what I mean when I say it can be so debilitating at times that you just end up giving into it because your mind takes over. I wish I could go back and reverse all the compulsions I told her but I felt so guilty so I told her things I should’ve kept to myself. I know I shouldn’t beg for her (which I have been) but we have such a strong connection that I see with no one else. She reached out to me first yesterday and wanted to see if I was okay and of course that turned into a 4 hour phone call. I’m determined to save our relationship and need someone’s advice/what they think. It really feels like I’m unlovable and that OCD won and took away the best thing in my life😞I know I should give her space but at the same time, I want to prove to her that our relationship can be better and she that she doesn’t have to feel insecure anymore

"Laughter is the best medicine". So, dear co-actors in the comedy horror move called the Ocd, think hard and please write any respectful joke you can think of here. Make us laugh. And tomorrow at about the same time we can vote for the joke we liked most. We all need laughter. OCD sure is a comedian, but has a weird sense of humor. It's hard to appreciate it. Maybe as a price for the author of the most voted for joke, we could send his ocd for a long long long holiday somewhere far away from him or her. I have some errands to run, I will be away for a few hours, but it would sure make me happy if I saw a lot of jokes here when I get back. For you, for me, against ocd. Joke time. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I posted yesterday about a false memory. I know everyone is super busy but if anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated. I’m stuck and I just need to push through.

Yesterday I was sitting on my couch with my son enjoying time and suddenly my mind goes “what if you just killed him right now” and then I was going back and forth in my mind just do it, you don’t want to do it, what if you do, what would happen…..obviously I have control and didn’t do it but my fingers got all tingly I really was very upset by how real the urge felt. I’ve tried all my coping skills but I feel like a crazy person and can’t stop thinking about it. Any tips?

I was hoping my impulsive shower haircut wouldnt be that bad but it looks horrible i wanna cry

I went looking for information and reassurances 🤦‍♀️ to taper off Ativan. Now I'm scared. Has anyone taken Ativan for less than 4 months and tapered that can give me some feedback? I was on .5 I dropped dose to .25 for past few weeks. Unsure of what dosage to jump off at. I read so many horror stories. I was prescribed it for nocturnal panic attacks. Now scared to stop taking it and scared to stay on it 😔 I know lack of sleep and ocd isn't fun.

I will have a sexually intrusive thought while eating a granola bar for example, and I can't throw the wrapper away because I feel like that thought will be "stuck" with it forever. And these thoughts do not fit with my values whatsoever. So I hold onto it until I throw it away and make sure I am not having any intrusive thoughts while throwing it away. Same thing goes if I have an intrusive thought when I throw literally anything away, I will literally take it out of the trash and throw it away later taking very cautious actions to make sure I do not have that thought while throwing it away. I mean it sounds ridiculous now that I am writing this out, but I know OCD likes to make something not very logical mean something to you. I do not know what to do. Should I just throw it away despite what I am thinking? It is really hard for me to do and it makes me extremely anxious because I know I will never see that thing again most likely. I fear if I throw something away while having an intrusive thought, in the future if I throw away the same thing I’ll think about “oh remember when you threw this away last time and you had an intrusive thought about X and it’s gone forever and you can’t change it or fix it”. I also get these thoughts while eating and drinking, and have to keep taking sips/bites of food until I don’t have the thought, but now that I’m stuck in this cycle, every time I eat I get these thoughts. I’m not sure what to do. If anyone has any advice to help me progress through this OCD it would be greatly appreciated. I have had success in the past with Self-ERP and no longer suffer from counting OCD and am a lot better from my perfectionism OCD, but the intrusive thoughts associated with throwing stuff away is so disturbing to me and it’s so hard for me to let it go. But, now every time I throw something away that thought comes back so OCD is doing it’s thing and coming back stronger. Thanks in advance for any help, I appreciate it greatly.

I feel like my guilt and confession ocd is driving me away from my partner. I am so tired of years of guilt, and only getting relief from confessing. I’ve associated him with my ocd, and I become angry and randomly start arguments him, it’s like I’m seeking a way out. I’m so lost. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can’t handle the anxiety and depression. The guilt and anxiety of just finding other people attractive is too much for me. I feel so stuck. I want to get better, and want to be with him forever. If anyone has advice I’d really appreciate anything.

I just wanted to ask a quick question. I love my partner and have ocd but whenever I feel pretty or try to dress nice, an instant image pops in my head of another guy at work. This makes me feel like it’s proof I like that guy but I have no interest what so ever, I love and am obsessed with my partner. What is happening, and is this normal?

I just dont trust myself enough to make a decision on my relationship. Today i did ERP and i couldnt stop hyperfocusing on his looks and how hes not my type. But it doesnt feel like enough to leave. But staying it affects me so much I feel like fleabag in that scene where she says i want someone to tell me what to eat what to wear what to think. I dont trust myself to know the difference between a normal level of being bothered by someone or not. And i hate myself. I wish i didnt have to do any work to be a normal person

I may sound crazy but on Saturday I choked on a bit of my drink and then my anxiety began Sunday night. I’ve had this unrealistic fear that I have some type of pneumonia and the liquid went into my lungs. I woke up at 3:30AM on Monday morning with a huge panic attack and then was anxious the entire day with chest pain. I’m still worried about it today but don’t wanna succumb to going to urgent care - is this a crazy thing to do just to calm me down? ugh!

I feel hopeless I feel like I’ve been living a lie my whole life or repressed it I don’t want to be gay I don’t want to be a lesbian I feel like I’ve lost all attraction to men and now only focus on women :(( I get so anxious that I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t focus And now when I see social media posts about couples i automatically see myself as the guy and the girl being a girl :( But I feel like it’s now my reality and I don’t want it :( I hyper focus on lesbian couples when I’m out in public or on social media or in movies I stare at pretty girls and get intrusive thoughts I just wanna be happy again with my boyfriend :( He makes me so happy and he makes me feel so loved I hate that I get anxious when he texts me sometimes even though I know he loves me with all his heart and I with him I want to marry this man but with all of this, I can barely imagine it I miss not having these flare ups :( I wanna give up so bad

Has anyone been fired from a job because of OCD? Were you able to get another job?

Hi guys, Has anyones rOCD been caused/gotten worse because of how complicated in the past your relationship has been with your current partner? Sometimes I feel so lonely and isolated because I think it’s only me that’s had a rough start to my relationship with my current partner - rOCD and RA stories online usually talk about how it’s usually people with stable relationships from the beginning that experience this type of anxiety and obsession

I think I’m spiraling and hitting a low point. I started ERP a few days ago. Now that I’m finally in therapy, all I think about is how i won’t be able to do it or it’s not going to work and I feel like I’ll never get better and I’m going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life and be miserable forever.