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I am not interacting with my intrusive thoughts but I can literally feel it in my head. It's like a tingling and pressure. It keeps reminding me of the thought, how do I get that to go away?

I can’t tell if I have anxiety or OCD. I tend to think I’m anxious loops aboht a very specific topic and it gets worse and worse until it’s unbearable. There are a lot of things I need to do “just right”, like the timing of my music when I’m on walks, or the color mixing and fit of my outfit. I am never satisfied in my relationships (romantic and platonic) because I always question whether I’m in it with the right person. I’ve developed a set of rules someone must meet for me to like them, except these rules are all just manifestations of my own personality traits, no one ever meets them, and I am always dissatisfied with all my friends. I had to break up with my last (almost) boyfriend because I couldn’t decide if I liked him or not because he didn’t have the “right” traits. I have never known if I liked any of my friends and this even extends to my mother who may be difficult but who loves and cares for me very much. It makes me feel like a bad person and relationship partner, but I get over this by telling myself it’s okay to treat these people poorly because they are not my “true” friends, partners, etc. I always need people to think I’m “good” - there are parts of my life I HAVE to portray properly to different people so they like me and I HAVE to share it with them so I can control the image of me they have in their heads and so they can like this manifestation of myself I’ve created. I have trouble making decisions because I always consider every possible outcome, and if I do it for too long, I just lose the ability to make the decision because I can’t choose the right option and I freeze. This has happened to me while driving and I’ve almost crashed my car because of it. I often get flashbacks to times I have humiliated myself, and I sometimes tense up my body and close my eyes to get rid of them, sometimes ruminate. I go in and out of phases of lining up all my things in certain ways and I have very rigid moral principles that when I stray from them, I get immense guilt. I have also developed a recent problem where I worry I have a certain mental illnesses (I’ve had a BPD phase, and NPD, OCPD, and autism). I NEED to know immediately if I have the mental illness so I can use it as a scapegoat for all my problems, so I google everything about the illness and obsessively read multiple studies to prove if I have the illness or not. This usually makes my mental illness speculation cycles worse. I also go in and out of phases of having a rigid daily routine, but this is usually only if I have something to “accomplish” (often weight loss, social activity, or homework related). I also have a problem where I HAVE to do things in the most time-efficient, cost efficient, or resource-efficient way possible or I will feel guilty or bothered by the waste. Whag complicates this is a couple things. I have had specific rumination cycles for quite a while, but I don’t always do compulsions to get rid of them. Sometimes I just sit with them till they drive me crazy. This makes me worry I don’t have OCD and I actually have anxiety - in fact I have a GAD diagnosis from an ex therapist (I dumped her because I kept worrying she was “wrong” for me and wouldn’t understand my problems and give me an improper diagnosis. This to me is reminiscent of ROCD but maybe I am also just picky). I also have ADHD - pure ocd is often comorbid with ADHD as I have read, but I fear my problems may just be a manifestation of people pleasing + RSD (adhd symptom) + other ADHD tendencies. I have also read about overfocused ADHD (a newly researched ADHD subtype that is not yet in any diagnostic manual) and worry this may be my issue. I also think I may “forget” whag compuslions help me due to ADHD working memory issues - but this is just a personal theory backed in no research. I also worry that all these issues could be a manifestation of autism (rigidness and social difficulties) but maybe the problem is my worry about this and not an actual presence of ASD, who knows. And maybe my worries are just a result of my upbringing - I did have an extremely strict, rigid, and rules and image-oriented mother, who also claims she has OCD but takes it lightly because she doesn’t like mental health diagnoses. She definitely seems like she is always in distress but it doesn’t seem to bother her. So is my problem genetic from her (OCD or some sort of anxiety) or is it just an imprint from the rules and things she put on me as i grew up? I have also been anorexic for a few years now. These symptoms i describes have always been there, but never were intolerable really until the onset of my anorexia. That made them pretty bad, and then I gained a bunch of weight when I went to college which made these thought processes I described go completely out of control. I don’t know if this is a problem of having an eating disorder that would go away if I recovered, or if I just worsened a prexisting problem by developing an eating disorder. That is another concern. By the third month of being in college, my thought cycles would get so bad that I would sometimes lose the ability to properly communicate and make a fool out of myself in front of everyone. To combat this, when I felt my thought cycles coming along, I would lock myself in the nearest family bathroom or lactation room for a few hours of guaranteed and unadulterated privacy. I have genuinely spent multiple hours sitting on the same bathroom floor, it makes me hate myself and it is horrendously disgusting. I am genuinely an extroverted, fun-loving, and funny person, but whatever is going on with me has robbed me of my personality and made it near-impossible to make any friends in college. I often worry that I will end up alone forever because of whatever has started happening in my head. Out of all these differential hypotheses I have provided to OCD, my strongest doubt about myself is that a therapist diagnosed me with GAD and told me I didn’t have any other issues - I just had anxiety about having other issues. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I’m also not sure I can have confidence in my opinion over a trained professional. If anyone had the energy to read all of this… thank you, you’re an angel, I appreciate you so very deeply, and PLEASE give me an opinion on what you think is wrong with me. There’s got to be something diagnosable and I think it goes a little deeper than simple GAD.

me and my therapist on here were supposed to have one last session but they switched my profile to this other therapist way too fast. im so fucking sad. i honestly want to drop out of nocd now. it doesn’t seem like my new therapist will be helpful and she basically told me that she doesn’t know if the prolonged exposure will work for me. i hate this so much. it’s taking everything not to completely drop out of this shit and delete the app. i want my old therapist back

How do you guys deal with a mouse getting trapped inside your home? I haven't gotten out of bed cause I heard my family members saying a mouse had been trapped I feel like it was all over my stuff and gotten in/on my chest drawers, shoes, etc, like it's disgusting but idk something related happened to me almost 2 years ago that was really traumatic to me so it's hard for me to deal w this

Back in early 2021 when I was still sort of new to OCD, I unfortunately still had a lot of problems with my porn addiction. I have a fetish that I'm okay with and it's usually my go to for videos in the past. One day around that time though, I made a search to take the usual thing and escalate to something more and it makes me shameful and have a lot of guilt. It was incest related and it's also giving me false memories of POCD intentions, but I refuse to believe that I want to see something of that nature. That's disgusting. I think I only did this for the taboo because that's how the addiction works. I searched it, didn't really find anything related to it, found a video and barely watched it. But after that, I just broke down crying. Crying over the fact that I have such a problem with porn for so long and that it turns me into this. Not long ago I did the same thing with the same fetish but tied it to something else because I saw a video that included it and gave me the idea to escalate to this theme. I did it, felt bad about it in the process but I think I still climaxed from it and felt so much shame, pain, and disgust with myself that I couldn't even sleep that night. To me it wasn't worse than the other time I did this but it still makes me feel extremely horrible. I'm doing my best to just cut porn out of my life because this has honestly ruined my life ever since I was a teenager. It's been a bother ever since I was exposed to it and hated it since I was 15. This makes me feel like a nasty, creepy person even though I just want to separate this addiction from who I really am because I know it isn't me deep down.

I constantly replay every mistake I’ve ever made in my head. Doesn’t matter how old. And I just feel like the worst person and if only people knew these things they’d think I’m an awful person.. I wouldn’t be accepted, wouldn’t have a job, my life would be over. How do I go out into the world and take up space without feeling like a fraud? I don’t want to trick people into thinking I’m a good person, I want to truly be a good person. But I’m weighed down by every mistake I’ve ever made.

This feeling won't go away. It's not OCD related and it's so hard to explain. It feels like I'm not supposed to be here, as in here. Just "here." It feels like I was meant to find somebody else that would be my best friend and my mind keeps repeating "soon." It feels like I'm going to exit my body, but it's not a physical feeling. I don't even know how to explain this feeling. It just feels wrong, and my explanation isn't even close to what in feeling. I don't know how to explain this, it feels awful questioning who I am "REALLY" and the fact that I'm "not supposed to be here." I don't know where "here" is, and everytime I try to imagine where I'm supposed to be it's always alone in a field of flowers or in an animals shelter that's deserted with me petting the dogs. Never with anybody else. Please help. I don't know what this is. I have nobody else to talk to this about. My parents always tell me I'm being overdramatic. I need to stop this. It feels like I need to do something. SOMETHING. Like walk around until I'm involved in a baking show, end up famous, meet someone I was destined to, or something like that. Or help a bunch of animals. This feeling is confusing, I don't need reassurance, I just need help to get rid of this feeling, or making it less severe. I will try anything. I feel so delusional, but this feeling goes away at random and when it comes back it feels like I need to fufil something, exit my home. I don't know WHAT. It's just something. My stupid brain never specified and I'm going crazy because I don't know WHAT it is I need to do.

How intense/real can intrusive feelings get? Because I feel like false attraction feels way more intense than my normal attractions have ever felt and that worries me a lot..

Just know im going to be pumled with intrusive thoughts the moment i step through that door and were alone, The thoughts and feelings that hit me are so real and frightening. I cant live like this Feels to real like i could listen and do it I hate the feeling of the realness it gives me i feel sick that i think im capable of such horror 😓

I’m scared to death because I struggle really bad with real event ocd and the fear behind if it means anything or whatever but two of my co workers were talking about something very triggering about a show they watch and I’m not dealing with it well. I don’t know if it’s the ocd latching onto it but I don’t do well when dealing with my past and I pray to God it’s not what the ocd is making it out to be. I never had bad intentions in my entire life. I just know when I was a teenager (I’m 24 now the real event was probably around the ages 15-17ish I don’t remember exactly) and I didn’t know back then what I know now. It wasn’t until I was about 20-21 when I remembered it as I developed ocd and I’ve been dealing with it ever since. I’m terrified. I don’t want to be a bad person. I just wish when I was younger I wasn’t so stupid. I would change everything in a heartbeat knowing now what I didn’t know back then. I have talked to people including my parents a few years ago and the two therapists I’ve had and they said that I was being too hard on myself and to let it go and I can’t. It scares me to death 💔

How can you tell if you feel the urge to confess because it's a compulsion or because the person you want to confess to genuinely needs to know that information? I deal with real event OCD based on an event that no one will be affected by unless I confess it to them, but I've been having a flare up that's telling me that I don't have OCD and that I am just feeling normal guilt because I haven't disclosed the event when I should have. How do I know if I feel like not confessing is morally wrong because it actually is morally wrong and I need to seek forgiveness, or because my OCD is trying to convince me to give into a compulsion? Would it be better to just confess regardless so that I can stop worrying about whether or not I'm doing something wrong by keeping it to myself?

I only got 2 hours of sleep. I think it's because of anxiety. I have a final exam in a few hours. Loud noises outside were bugging me and I had to block it out. Then intrusive thoughts came in about POCD and how I'm such an awful person because of my addiction. I feel like this everyday and I can't get past it. I don't know how, but some days I'm okay and other days I'm not. This sucks. I don't want to harm children and I don't want to watch anything sickening that involves children. I just want to get my life back, even if it feels like I'm not supposed to

Hello everyone, I’m 22 and experiencing ROCD since 3 years now. I’m with my partner since 1 year now and I love our relationship. I had a ROCD flare up 8 months ago, I thought our relationship would not survive it (because of course my thoughts said so and also because ROCD already ended one of my past relationship). But I did it! In 3 weeks, almost on my own, I suppressed the bad thoughts and I lived so many beautiful moments with my partner since. A few months later, I felt dumb that I had these thoughts in the past. I though that I was fully healed but ROCD thoughts came back a few days ago, mostly I think because I’m moving to Dunlin for a few months so I will be away from my partner for a while. It scares the shit out of me. But now I’m less terrified, because I have tools to fight it. I will report how my journey is going everyday here until I’m fully healed. After that much time with ROCD, here are a few tips that will may help you if you’re going through it (based on my personal experience) - Do some ERP. I know it sounds scary and you’re telling yourself that exposing yourself to your thoughts will make them real but they are what they are : just thoughts. They’re not you and your reality. - Remember that ROCD loves to lie to you. It reflects what you fear the most. If you have an anxious attachment like me, you’re relationship and your partner are for sure what you care about the most - If you can, seek some help with a specialized OCD therapist. Talking to a talk therapist can be a compulsion. - Finally, try to not test your feelings for your partner during that time. You’re not fully yourself and your thoughts are so stressful that you can’t think clear. It’s useless and will scare you more. Resist the compulsion Finally: you’re not alone. There are people out there who healed from ROCD and we can be part of them. You’re not alone !

Hi so I have a food avoidance disorder because I have been scared I'm gonna have an allergic reaction to the food. For context I have never had an allergic reaction to food ever. This food avoidance disorder is causing me to lose a bit of weight and I don't enjoy it. It is also obviously causing me lots of stress and taking alot of "enrichment" from my life. Any advice to getting over this?

Porn messed up my life. I think it brought out the absolute worst in me and made me do a lot of regrettable things, seen a lot of regrettable things, and I feel like I have to hold onto that guilt for my whole life. I'm still staying away from it but I hate how much damage this did to me. Was it my fault for being exposed to it so young? I don't think so. But, it's not like anyone else showed it to me. I kinda just found it. So am I to blame? Who's at fault? I can't find anyone else to blame so I just blame myself. It seriously made me see messed up things, act on messed up things at a young age. It messed up high school for me and it's still messing with me, even though I'm not even watching it. The other thing that's messing me up is OCD. It feels like I don't deserve the best for the things I've done tbh. That's how I see it. Things were all fine until middle school ended. That's when everything got shitty and things just haven't felt the same ever since the summer of 2014 had ended.

I was just watching a commercial and I saw a kid actress and all I was thinking was “hey I think I know them” and I just felt fluttering in my face, chest, and towards my growing and I wasn’t even thinking anything sexual. All I was thinking was hey I think I know them and I was getting the reactions. This is why I think it isn’t just ocd. I find adults attractive and I don’t get the same reaction as I do when I’m just looking at a kid and not even thinking anything bad. If ocd can make you do this I hate it. I don’t want to be a pedophile and I hate that I have convinced myself I am.

I’m 24 gonna be 25 and never had a boyfriend in my life. This year before my OCD episode I was going to live my life and loose weight and get into dating. Now I gave harm ocd flare up and I feel so miserable. Back in college my ocd flared and asked for 4 years. I feel so miserable and a loser. I was doing so well by losing weight and this flare up happened out of the blue. Feel so hopeless and scared and anxious. Leaving the house is a struggle for me.

I rarely have problems with this disorder these days, but I still have obsessive thoughts regarding relationships and my boundaries. It seems that whenever I invest emotionally with someone, I almost immedietely enter this rollercoaster of various types of obsessive-compulsive sequences that come after each other in the kind of vicious cycle: a) when I am spending lots of time with someone I begin to obsess that I will lose control of my entire life due to them, because all I will ever think about is them and all I will ever do will be talking or spending time with them to the point of neglecting my other duties and self-development. I am scared the new relationship will take all of my time. b) so I compulsively try to limit the effect they have on me by strongly ritualising the contact - restricting it only to certain days, or certain times of the day, et cetera. c) this triggers an avalanche of scrupulous OCD in which not being always available equals bad, failing, neglectful, manipulative friend/partner. I am also tending to have catastrophising obsessions that they will need me while I'll be gone or that they are already angry at me and this will blow up. It leads me to be guilty and in turn idealising them and wanting to make it up to them. d) but once I am returning to contact and try to be helpful and useful sudden obsession comes that reminds me of some random way this person has disappointed me in the past and i start to get severe obsessions about them being abusive and hurting me without me noticing. Attempt to rationalise it provokes counter obsession that I am only rationalising due to Stockholm Syndrome, lol e) then I have this another bout of guilt because rationally I know this person is not abusive yet I still obsess about it and I get another obsession on top of those obsession - an obsession that my preoccupation with the " what if they are abusive?" is somehow visible to the person in question as me being aloof, withdrawn or tense around the person and that will hurt them as they will not know what is going on. So I get the urge to confess all of that and also get reassurance that this will be forgiven. I am not really looking for advice as there's probably not much to advice - with years I have been getting better at ignoring those thoughts and not getting myself dragged into the drama. Still it still keeps happening in any significant relationship I have, episodically, whenever my psychological immunity is lowered because I am overtired or stressed about something, it comes back like herpes lol. I am just wondering if it ever goes away entirely or if this circus will always go on in my head as it's tiring and I sometimes wish my responses to emotional intimacy were just normal for a change

Today was supposed to be a great day at the beach with my husband and kids. I woke up and the first thought is your a closeted lesbian it’s time to tell your hubby. I ignored it and stuffed my Zoloft in my mouth praying for it to work again. I tried to sleep but it kept looping . Me feeling masculine and saying you see your a lesbian time to tell husband. The heat on back of neck headache nausea is this OCD? Or is this the truth. Try to ignore and push myself to go to beach. All I want to do is cry and search forums to see others feelings to prove my whole life isn’t over it’s just a mental disorder or chemical imbalance . My wonderful husband who makes me feel safe and showers me with love and affection. I feel so bad , is this really going to happen? Felt a urge to talk to my daughter about it . It sent me spiraling time to break the news to your daughter that you want to be with a woman and not her dad . Heat on back of neck tears o my god is this true do I want this ? No you don’t? Yes you do? You’ve always known you’ve always fought this. Stop leading this man on? Let him go so you can be your truth? Tell him now now now god please help me take this away no it’s not true yes it is . Smoke a little it’ll help god it’s getting worse . I’m stuck in bed and am frozen Do others feel this ? Is this ocd? What’s happening we were so good just a couple of weeks ago Yeah intrusive thoughts would come and go but and I always wondered yes I’ve had other themes yes I have been under tremendous stress What is happening.

I don’t even feel reassurance anymore when I do compulsions. I relapsed a theme after 2 years of not having it. It’s been 4 days, I just feel fully convinced that I’m transgender. I’m so scared and I had a panic attack after realising how similar my experience is to the someone else who is trans, and how denial could also be scary. I don’t even know if this is OCD anymore . It feels real, and like denial. Can someone please tell me what to do. I had a huge panic attack where my hands were shaking and I felt cold and I was breathing deeply and heavily and repeating no no no. And I genuinely thought I was transgender. I feel like there is no way anymore that I’m not transgender. My brain is split in 50/50 and I don’t know which side it true. The thought of being trans is giving me so much anxiety and I keep checking the trans subreddits and seeing if I relate and when I do I panic. I keep thinking what if I do ERP and I’m just stopping myself from genuine self exploration if I am actually trans. What if I am trans and they don’t let me transition (this thought scares me because why would I be thinking about wanting to transition???) . I can’t even remember what I was like prior to this starting. My TOCD started at such and early age and I didn’t even get to figure out who I was. But I felt like myself in the recent months I think. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. Help. I’m so fucking scared. I don’t wanna be transgender. I want to naturally be feminine. It’s like some of my old wants and desires disappeared. Help.