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the NOCD Community

just need a place to write, if u read through thanks i appreciate it. my whole life i’ve been a very open minded girl. i started watching porn at a young age as it was shown to me by my friend. i watched all kinds including lesbian porn. it did turn me on ofc and i always found women to have beautiful bodies & they are attractive . they also have turned me on before. however my hearts always belonged to men. and that’s who i truly desire to be with and love and have sex with etc. however i do fantasize about women sometimes & honestly if my boyfriend wanted to have a threesome w another girl i would probably go for it since i am open minded and a very sexual person. always ready to explore new things i haven’t before. however even w that i still don’t think of myself as bisexual or lesbian. like my brain keeps telling me i am but i just don’t think so. the idea of not being in a relationship w a man and trading it to be w a woman makes me upset if that makes sense. like it’s just idk.. and i sometimes feel confused bc i am not disgusted entirely at the idea of being w a woman. i don’t desire it like i desire men. if i happen to think of it sure it might turn me on but i have no desire to go out in search for women. it’s just not for me. idk . reply w ur thoughts if u want i’d appreciate it

Does anyone have any mantras they repeat when they have an intrusive thought? I need some new ones

Just don't have it in me to go anywhere, it's been a week. I've gone out once to grocery shop because I had to. I can feel myself getting worse I think. I have been doing a lot of avoiding. I have been avoiding doing things all summer. I hit a wall last week, I had a really bad day and nothing triggered it, it was just a down day. I did a lot of reflecting and realized how okay I'm not. I'm not at my rock bottom, I've been there before. I'm functional for the most part but I'm not okay. Scheduled an appointment with a psychologist last week. It's on the 31st. I'm nervous but hopeful.

I’m super anxious and scared my bf is gonna dump me Bc he said “love you” instead of I love you and he barely txted me yesterday and left me on read for a few and he’s broken up with me b4 and the day b4 he did he said we were fine and he said we were fine yesterday and I’m scared

So I saw this discussion about gradual exposure VS flooding... and uh... I am kinda in a situation where I am forced into flooding. It has been very hard, but I do still see more results than at home. I am just stressed it'll harm me, this manner of ERP that is probably not the mosy desirable of them all. I mean, I guess it works for some people, I have heard of people who need to quit almost everything at once and I kinda have to too right now... it is quite a lot to take in. Most things go surprisingly well but the big ones on the hierarchy... my god it makes me super stressed. I dunno I could use a pep talk. Trying to be strong here, I need to be, but yeah. For context; I am not in my own home anymore due to abuse and the crisis service intervening to make sure I was safe from well, getting hit again. But I basically cannot practice my contamination OCD at the place where I stay right now. I showered for hours at home, washed hands like crazy, used so many wipes... and using a toilet thst is not mine is my biggest fear. I am doing it all but... idk man it is very overwhelming. As well as trying to process what happened (I was being choked, hit and kicked at home) on top of that, it is a lot. I try to be positive but my god... What a life lmao.

Anyone else feel hopeless because they know they’ll never be able to afford proper therapy? It honestly scares me so much knowing that there’s no possible way I can get the help that I need.

so i have a weird compulsion and i’d love it if y’all could comment on it. so i have compulsions like “if you do this (at the moment brushing my teeth) you’re a bad person”. so my therapist a while back told me to do it anyway. now i’m in a rut where i’m scared i want to do the thing more when i have a bad thought.

OCD is not chronic. Stop this myth please, it discourages people from getting ERP. You can fully recover loves :)

I’m pansexual and non-binary but I worry that, I’m straight and female... is there anyone else going through this?

For the past month and a half I’ve been getting horrible thoughts that I’m going to die soon and I keep seeing things on the news about 18 year olds dying and I’m scared it’s a sign because I’m 17 and my head keeps telling me somethings going to happen before I turn 18 or when I turn 18. I’ve also got a constant feeling in my gut that something bad is going to happen to me and it never goes away it’s a horrible feeling and I don’t know what to do. My head also keeps telling me I’m ready to die which I’m not I don’t want to, I’m living my life in fear and I’m really scared it’s not anxiety. Could this just be my mind daring me to think these things like the feeling I’m ready to die etc or is it my gut trying to tell me something and it’s sending me signs. I’m really scared. Please help.

Does anybody obsess over their depression/anxiety? I’ve felt so depressed lately and I feel like I’m obsessing over it and I can’t get out of it

I really want to be in love with my girlfriend it makes me so stressed out because I don’t know if it’s ROCD or not. She’s so nice and sweet and she always has the best intentions but my brain is tricking me into thinking that I don’t like her anymore. The only thing I think about all day is if I love her or not, why do I love her, would being with someone else be better and I’ve been dealing with it for 6 months now and it hasn’t really gotten better. I think about being in other relationships with other people and it seems so real to the point where I would be happy or better off that way but it does end up making me anxious. I hate it so much and I just want to be happy again and I feel so lost. I’ve been on 20mg of Prozac for a little over a week and it hasn’t really done much and I used to be on 100mg of Sertraline but I switched because it wasn’t doing anything anymore. Ever since I’ve been on the Prozac I felt worse, the OCD/depression/anxiety has been awful, I haven’t been able to sleep well or eat and I feel so out of it and not myself. I’ve tried therapy and I didn’t really experience any help and at this point I really don’t know what to do. Also I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense

Having so much trouble handling the anxiety that comes along with erp when it is something that is extremely disturbing. I feel exhausted mentally and physically and the depression kicks in. How am I supposed to accept that my obsession might come true without going into a full blown panic. My counselor doesn't really go through exposures step by step with me so it's hard to do it alone.

HELP! How do I stop tensing my neck and head? It's this weird constant tic I have, and I do it constantly to the point where my neck hurts and feels like it needs a massage. I found that supporting my neck with a pillow helps, but it still hurts and I just want to stop it.

Anyone with misophonia? Any therapy or treatment that workes, medical or not?

It makes me feel super isolated when I have to function happy around others and have panic and crying sessions when I’m alone

Is it possible to experience all sub types of ocd ??iv gone thru pocd then rocd then hocd now I'm struggling with rocd again I'm trying really hard to not give into it it's basically telling me to break up with my fiance as we wont last I split with my ex wife after 5 years of marriage she cheated and was physically abusive was a messy situation ... if been with my current partner 5 years we plan to marry next year the thought of marrying her makes me so happy we have custody of my kids from previous relationship.. I just cant seem to shake the intrusive thoughts and thinking is it down to my past etc etc

My boyfriend and I celebrated an anniversary yesterday and we exchanged cards. He wrote the sweetest things on it, telling me what he was loves about me. Of course my OCD brain tried to look for loopholes. Does anyone experience this? At some point it finally “clicked” for me and the OCD disappeared but later wiggled its way in again. How can I just enjoy my relationship for what it is and not analyze every single thing that is said?! My OCD beats words and meanings to the ground and nothing makes sense sometimes.

So I’m just getting scared because every time I do something with my boyfriend I say is this what I want? Am I happy? Then I think about this kid I had a thing with over a year ago and I’m convinced that I like wanna be with him and not my boyfriend and it’s just so hard I’m so worried and so afraid that it’s just how I feel.. then I get worry to settle even tho it’s like a switch just flipped from one day to the next..

So basicaly Two days ago I found a video on YouTube about astrology, and the woman speaking said smth like: you should look inside yourself because you have a tendency to ignore your own identity and your own true feelings. Instantly I thought of this endeavouring rumination about me being bisexual. Cause now I’ve kinda come to terms with the fact that in no way am I gay. So okay, the thing is, recently I’ve started to think that girls especially have an inclination towards bisexuality, mainly because they are affectionate with other girls. Bear in mind the fact that, since this hocd started, the lines between normal dating actions and behaviours between people are blurred to me. Now I realize that I am ruminating more and more this possibility of me being bisexual, but there are counter arguments like : I would never ever date a woman, I would never ever have sex with a woman and to me they are beautiful yes, they are sexy etc but I don’t want to do anything with them. Then, my consequent thought is maybe I have internalized homophobia idk. This is all soooo distressful and irritating and confusing. Deep down I know that I am a straight girl, but I feel guilty every time someone asks about my boyfriend because of these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I am lying to them, telling them that I am straight, when in fact I am not. Have you ever had such experiences?