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I have such a hard time with criticism or people not liking me. I definitely don’t think I’m undeserving of criticism, but it’s very difficult for me to deal with. Any tips?

Hey guys. I just did my ERP I focused on meta-ocd today. I’m not exactly sure why but I also don’t wanna continue to ruminate and try to figure out why I’m feeling anxious. All day the anxiety has been in my chest, rising and falling. All day the anxiety has been in my chest continuously going up and down. When this happens, it causes me to try and find the reason behind it. I am kind of emotional and my brain is trying to figure out why that is. I don’t really have any real reason other than my OCD, and focusing on the fact that I have OCD and wishing that I didn’t. I kind of want to cry and during ERP I almost let myself. I’m really afraid of becoming depressed again. When I feel like this, I focus on every tiny detail from the big ones to the small ones. I want to go home and see my boyfriend and I want to see my dog but then my OCD focuses on the fears that I might lose them or I might fall out of love or we might break up or I might lose my dog or my boyfriend will leave me etc. so when I try to find comfort in my loved ones, OCD attacks that as well and it is really frustrating. I am just so afraid of ever going back to that dark place that I was when OCD first took grip of my life last summer. I’ve come such a long way, and I feel like a broken record at this point, but the fear is still so real that I can become so depressed again. I would never wish OCD or depression on my worst enemy because it is really difficult having to go through life when your brain is constantly making, you question and doubt in fear, and just have anxiety for no reason even when you don’t have intrusive thoughts. I’m just feeling a little bit discouraged today and I’m trying to acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings and let them be there and let them rise and fall but I think I just need to know that I’m not alone in this right now and I hope that that’s not reassurance seeking, but it makes it easier to deal with my symptoms when I know that other people will have the same kind of situation. I really think that it’s meta-OCD that I’m struggling with today, of course, with a mixture of our rOCD as usual I know I will be OK and I have to except the fact that maybe I will become depressed again the difference between that and now is that I have the tools to work through it. I’m just scared and I’m a little bit tired, I hope everybody else is having a wonderful day

Trying to figure out and checking whether I'm attracted to men or not doesn't work anymore, if i imagine kissing a man i no longer feel disgusted(i don't enjoy it either, i can't decide i enjoy it or not )and that is telling me I'm gay, till 6 hours ago i was fine now it is getting more real and real,i really need help!!!

So, this morning on my tiktok fyp, a video showed up that was like a "all p3dos deserve to die/be tourtered slow horrible deaths" and 95% of the comments were agreeing and saying things like "slayyy" or "why not make it more fun? (Insert tourture method here) and while the video wasn't really huge or anything (it only had I think 50k likes? which sounds like a lot but it really isn't for tiktok) it was still so anxiety inducing for me. And not only was it kind of triggering for me (OCD making me feel like all these people want me, personally, dead) but there were a few comments that said "yes unless they're getting therapy/haven't and won't act on it" which I 100% agree with, but it also makes me feel weird that I'm even defending some p*dos in the first place? Bc I know it's not something they can choose and it's distressing but am I the only one who's tired of the low effort/mindless arguments of "all p3dos should die tehe ♡" instead of people discussing real ways to help prevent child abuse and treat actual p*dohpiles? Bc I don't think these people realize saying things like this only pushes them further into dark corners that prevent them from seeking help and killing themselves (which a lot of people think is a good thing) and idk if it's odd that I'm so like... defensive about it? Not even defensive really but more just like, idk empathetic towards it. Bc, if my ocd is constantly telling me that I'm a p*do and has me convinced I am one a lot of the time, it's probably worse for real p*dos who are sure in their identity and suffering and need treatment but are too scared to. Idk man it just feels sticky and you can't even voice an alternate opinion without being accused of being one yourself (which is even MORE triggering if you have pocd) so idk is this just me? Am I being too sensitive? Or crazy?

I'm 35 I had to move back home 2 years ago due to declining mental health. Yesterday my mom, step father and I were about to watch a movie when my mom lit a candle. I've had a reaccuring thought, image and urge to light my hair on fire and have had this theme pop back up strong in the last month. I love candles, I buy them I physically light them. I sit with them lit, I have a lighter on my dresser all for exposure and it does help obviously that's the point of ERP. However when my mom lit the candle I just said out loud "oh no not the candle" which put my step dad into a huge rage. He started going off about how my family has to walk on eggshells because of me and I just need to deal with it and work through my issues (which I do and I have been for years) but as people with mental illness we know it's not always so cut throat, it's not always black and white. We will still struggle. I take 10mg of buspar and it doesn't really help my anxiety and I'm too afraid to go up to 15 even though the doctor said I could. I already have an appointment to see her Friday and I've had really bad reactions to antidepressants so I'm scared of those and my step dad just kept saying the worst most horrid things to me. Saying I need to take more medication and when I said I do take it he said I need to take something else then. Like that's f**king easy for someone who doesn't struggle with health ocd and a severe anxiety disorder. Then he started saying I need to go live somewhere else and be in a mental hospital or a home or something like I'm just some crazy person who needs to be locked up. I've been to 2 mental hospitals 3 times. Obviously it's not a place for longtime care it's for stabilization and it's a VERY traumatic experience in my opinion especially when they won't let you leave when you've checked yourself in. He proceeded to say I need therapy when my mom and I told him we can't afford therapy. I'm sorry but I just can't afford the 210.00 sessions NOCD is charging. I'm on medicaid and unemployed because of this. I see a councilor or peer specialist or whatever she is through a local walk in center and she's been great and it helps to have someone to vent too but let's be honest, am I actually getting the help I need with someone who's not properly trained to treat these disorders??? And I've been dealing with this for years with therapists not helping me. The whole situation was f*cking horrible and left me in tears and just feeling like a pos, an outcast and a loser. He even said I was better off in Colorado then I am living with them here In Arizona but I had my own apartment and was still driving. Um, I couldn't even work or pay my rent my old roommate had to pay ot for me for years and just cause I was driving doesn't mean I was doing better. I was in mental torment daily, getting drunk everyday and was EXTREMELY suicidal. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with people like this who are committed to misunderstanding you, or if anyone can share their experiences they've had with people in their own lives who are bullies just because you struggle with mental illness.

It’s 3AM almost I gotta get up early but my heart is pounding and my mind is absolutely consumed by comparison to friends on social media. Is it jealousy? Is it envy? Of course I want my friends to succeed but I also feel worthless and a like of piece of shit because I’m not succeeding and I feel like a failure. I have a lot of fears and I hold myself back. I keep falling back into bad habits on my phone social media. Pornography and masterbating ( can’t spell it) I’m disappointed in myself. If I’m alone and stressed I fall back for podcasts, YouTube, and self pleasure which doesn’t bring happiness it’s just to numb myself and distract myself. I don’t have therapy or haven’t had therapy in a while my guards are way too high for therapy it’s been a while. I feel like shit I hate going on instagram and immediately seeing something I don’t have or haven’t done or feeling behind for my age. I still haven’t got over this. I know everyone has their own path, I know I got my own goals, life, etc but I still struggle with this emotionally. I think this stems from me wanting to be seen, accepted, to be worth it in the eyes of others or validated. I want to be recognized and respected I think I like having attention and feeling number one which is all my ego. I don’t think I had proper love or validation from my parents and I was compared to other cousins from my parents and even my own father saying he’s scared to mention me to my uncles because I haven’t done something great. I don’t feel enough but I don’t admit that or realize that. Even being aware and saying this out loud still doesn’t solve the damn issue and help me move on.

Why do my feelings switch so fucking fast?? Last week I was so confident and could shrug off the anxiety because I knew everything was fake. This week I feel like it’s all true, I have these super convincing „romantic“ feelings that come out of nowhere 🫠 Then when I force myself to check and test by not avoiding kids and I look at them, I can kind of „control“ how I feel?? Like I force myself not to feel weird or anxious and sometimes it kind of works but leaves me more confused because when these weird feelings hit its mostly when kids are in the area but not visible or when someone talks about kids. I just want it all to disappear and be back to normal again😭

It’s really hard starting something with someone who also struggles with anxiety and depression, I’ll never stop trying with him I’ve fallen hard and I don’t wanna let go, but it feels like he’s pushing me away. He’s changed and he’s explained to me that he’s just not feeling great he’s really struggling and I’ve supported the only way I can and I will continue to do so, when he’s struggling he needs to know he has me, and I’ll always do that. It’s just he’s stopped being the way he was with me, he used to call me cute names and message with just a lil bit of difference and my ocd brain has decided to target that. It’s convincing me that it’s me I’m the issue, he’s had enough of me he’s not wanting me. It’s telling me I’m doing it all wrong that I’m annoying him and he’s finished with me. Even though last night I said I’ll always be here for you and he said that’s what I need so idk I know he’s not trying to make me feel this way but it’s just with my obsessive thinking I can’t stop. He’s always very good at reassuring me, but during this situation I’m not wanting to make it about myself sk I’m trying hard to suppress these feelings. He’s also turned his snap maps off which was what the last guy did to tell me he’s done so I’m trying very hard to stop thinking right now

How do you move on when your real events are actually really bad? (Hurting, deceiving, taking advantage of people you love.) How do you even know it’s OCD when the things you’re obsessing over actually deserve a lot of reflection and repercussions? I feel like a fraud when I try to accept that I likely have OCD (strongly suggested by my therapist, doing ERP). I obsess mainly over absolutely awful real events in which I was practically devoid of any kind of moral compass. I feel like other people’s real events are so tame compared to mine. I feel like I’m losing my mind today.

I actually started feeling almost numb today after watching some couple getting married and that for some reason triggered something aha 😅. Like right now me and my bf are watching anime and he’s being silly and cute but I don’t feel anything in my stomach or that lovey dovey and this does happen to me every now and then randomly and it’s making me think that “what if I actually don’t love him and I’ve just been faking it or convincing myself?” Or “what if this is how I truly feel when I’m not anxious?” But honestly I try not to act on it and don’t try to like end my relationship cause of it. But it is such a hard thing to deal with and it makes me feel guilty and uneasy and I just don’t like this feeling cause it’s messing with my head and now I don’t know what’s real or what isn’t real. I also notice that now when I think about my boyfriend I get that tense feeling in my stomach again and it makes me panic thinking that he’s the problem (btw he’s done nothing wrong and treats me with respect and love) when In reality my anxiety is the problem. I don’t really know what to do other than just sit with it and not do anything rational just cause I started feeling this way randomly for an hour or two.

Hello all, i’ve been on fluvoxamine for just over 4 weeks and i was on 50mg for 2 weeks and now i’ve been on 100mg for over 2 weeks. My psychiatrist wants to get me up to 150mg but i’m a little nervous to go up higher. Is anyone else on 150mg? and how long have you been on to go up to 150mg? Also they told me i cannot drink alcohol at all. Has anyone drank alcohol on fluvoxamine? Do i just have to wait til my body is used to the meds? bc i’m still young and i feel like i’m missing out not being able to drink a little when i go out with my friends.

Hey y’all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been needing some support though. I recently decided I wanted to get married to my partner who is a man despite having what used to be (but is now a whole Lot less…)TERRIBLE ROCD and SOOCD. The SOOCD came after and I’ve been dealing with the thoughts for about a year now. I’ve recently just told my grandmother about our plans and she said “congratulations! I’m surprised and glad you are marrying a man!” That didn’t send me into a spiral but it sent a shock through me and I gotta say it didn’t make this any easier. I’m trying my best to keep my head above the water but am struggling bc I don’t know anyone who understands what having OCD is like in these scenarios. I am happy to be getting married especially to my partner but I will be honest, I’m really fucking scared. I can’t really feel a lot of my excitement and my brain doesn’t let me picture our happy moments together without ruining them or making me question whether or not I really want life with him. It’s draining. I’ve been doing so so so good in the realm of OCD and I half the time can’t even get myself to truly believe that I have ocd and am not just lying About the whole thing. I could use some love right about now and maybe some personal experiences or stories. Thank you for taking the time to read

I used to have issues feeling like I was “making deals” with God in regards to Him taking my abilities. God has shown me in so many ways how that’s not at all how He works and that He won’t take from me, but would rather comfort and better direct my mind into healthy thinking… so fast forward to today, I keep thinking I’m making “deals” with the devil when I don’t want to at all. Now I get intrusive thoughts making me feel like if I don’t complete my compulsions “it’s a deal with that guy” (it’s triggering even typing what it is) and I just feel stuck. I was watching a video of somebody jumping in a lake. I got it in my head “if I don’t pause it before she jumps in, it’s a deal with the enemy” and I failed the compulsion miserably. What am I supposed to do now? I feel like I’m just giving away my abilities when I don’t even want anything to do with the enemy. he’s a broken opponent, and has been since the moment he left heaven. Somebody please, this is getting really bad.

To those who have been on this path for a long time, what do you tell your friends and family how to support or help you through your difficult moments. I have supportive people who want to be there but I have no idea what they can do to help, my mind always goes blank when people ask "how can I help?"

I have a fear of committing sin and every day I think of going to hell. I have a fear of disrespecting God, knowingly or unknowingly. I realised recently that I only pray out of fear and not because I’m some “devout Christian”. I pray because I feel if I don’t then something bad will happen to me. Everytime i have a thought that i think is “blasphemous” i feel the need to apologised to God. Its to the point where i avoid reading my bible because i don’t want to be triggered or be scared. When i was younger i remember being told that it was a sin to have friends that are atheists. that scared me at the time because most of my friends group were atheists. they often made jokes about Jesus and it triggered me and i thought because i didn’t defend my religion that i would go to hell. i also have these distressing dreams about judgement day and i’m always left behind in the dreams. i avoid talking about the end times because it triggers me. i’m a little scared typing now. i feel like i’ll never be worthy of God’s love, and that scares me. does anyone have any advice?

So I’m not sure if this really was a script. I couldn’t figure out what to do for ERP today. I don’t have just one theme bothering me. I think it’s just OCD in general. So instead of writing anything in specific. I took myself back to the memories of when ocd was at its worst, when it felt like my life was over, and I just wrote down all of my memories from that terrible time. Because I’m so focused on how terrified I am of going back to that deep nothingness and that hopeless void of depression that ocd caused. I just decided to write out all the memories and the fears. It just became a bunch of rambling. But maybe it will make someone feel less alone? Idk. OCD comes back strong, I can’t watch tv anymore without feeling my ocd. I can’t drive and go shopping anymore without feeling close to panic. I can’t have sex with my boyfriend without having intrusive thoughts. I lay in my bed and sleep because the pain is to much to take. I desperately try to find things to relieve the anxiety and fear that come from the depression. I constantly think about my family being broken up and losing everything I love. I question everything I love. My ocd comes back strong. My ocd takes over my brain and makes me want to run away. I can’t go home. I can’t go to work. I sit in my car. I sit in my car alone, but I can’t be alone. But I feel like I need to be alone. I question if I have ocd at all. OCD takes over my life. OCD causes me to become depressed. Ocd causes me to be panicked. Ocd takes away my Breath. Ocd makes me feel like I can’t go on. Ocd takes away my boyfriend, ocd takes away my dog. Ocd takes away everything I love. Ocd makes me numb. Ocd makes me pain. Ocd makes me scared. Ocd comes back strong. OCD makes me think I need to avoid my dad. OCD makes me think I need to avoid my mom. OCD makes me think I need to break up with my boyfriend. OCD wants me to isolate from anything that can hurt me. OCD says I can’t handle pain. OCD makes me feel weak. OCD makes me feel alone. OCD makes me feel trapped in my head. OCD makes me lose my boyfriend. Question my boyfriend. Judge my boyfriend. Nit pick my boyfriend. OCD makes me think my dad is a perv. OCD makes me never want to be alone with my dad. Ocd causes me to have uncomfortable gronial responses to my dad. Ocd makes me question myself around kids. OCD makes me think about depression. Ocd makes me feel sick. OCD makes me think I need to break up with my boyfriend over the tiniest things. OCD makes me think I’ll never be happy. OCD makes me think I need to be alone. Ocd makes me think I need to isolate to live. OCD makes me question everything. OCD makes me feel close to panic. OCD makes me scared. OCD makes me feel weak.

My aunt and her family came in from out of town, and we all want to go on a road trip. I was already anxious about it before and now because I got my monthly a couple days earlier, I’m even more anxious as my contamination OCD is always so much worse when I’m on it. I feel like going would be a great exposure for me but at the same time I don’t know if it will be too overwhelming for me staying in a hotel, and just generally coming into contact with all of these germs. I know going will be a great exposure for me, though I don’t know if I’ll even enjoy my time and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone else. Ugh OCD can be so debilitating.

How long do setbacks last and how do you get out of setback quickly cause I’ve had plenty of setbacks but every time I have a setback I get sticky thoughts that don’t go away. Like I’m not doing recovery wrong, this will last for a while. And I always think about how I’ll stay like this or lose it I don’t even know. I’ve been trying to not give these thoughts any energy and not asking reassurance but it’s been so hard like my heart starts beating fast and my head feels heavy and also brain fog. Since I’m doing this recovery thing on my own I usually come on this app and ask for advice. I’ve been doing recovery work for about a month or two I’m not sure. If there’s anyone who can relate please give me some tips I could really use it.

Don't let themes pigeonhole your treatments. Many of us get so focused on how "special" our themes are that we allow OCD to grow and convince us that something is truly wrong with us. In fact, trying to fix the theme head-on almost always makes OCD worse! All OCD is treated with a health amount of uncertainty centered around ERP (sometimes with addition to other treatments). The theme is just what OCD uses to grab your attention. Those of you with experience may notice the theme can change if you're making progress or you get bored of the same theme over and over. Guess what doesn't change? The anxiety and time wasted on these thoughts and compulsions. That will always stay the same regardless of theme. I suggest you consider treating your OCD like it is an invisible ghost bully. It doesn't matter what that bully knows about your theme, your goal is to remove any power from what the bully says to you so they have no way to bother you anymore. Making a special theme is just a trap used to ensure you continue to listen to OCD, but it can't work if you remove power from the meaning (ERP does this). I know what you're thinking: "But MacDuffo, why would my theme be so specific to me if it wasn't true?!" Well, as people with OCD, our brain is unfortunately more active than people who don't suffer from OCD. We have much less control over our danger signals than people without OCD. As a result, our brain (which knows you pretty intimately by the way) fires distress signals until we can resolve our (non-existent) problem(s). All it takes is a single intrusive thoughts for this to begin and you'll find you cannot switch the thoughts off. For the record, this is the same signal fired when you forget to turn off the stove or lock the door (for those of you without this theme). Compulsions are the actions you take to neutralize these thoughts to no avail (because, again, you have no actual problems to solve in the moment). This is why we discourage reactions (compulsions) to thoughts in treating OCD, because by not reacting we help to remove any meaning to the thoughts. I hope this makes sense because I see a lot of people getting hung up on themes when it really shouldn't prevent you from getting the help you need. Ignore the theme and get focused on learning to sit with the feelings your intrusive thoughts give you. It gets better, I promise. That's all. Hope you all have a fantastic day. Give OCD the ol' 1-2 today! Rooting for you all!

I can’t stop researching, I can’t stop googling, I can’t stop fantasizing, I can’t stop checking, I can’t stop my groinal responses, I can’t stop thinking I want to hold a child’s hand or touch them as I’m walking by them, I can’t stop thinking about how I loved my relationships in the past and how I loved the sex but I could never orgasm unless I was watching porn, so I thought that it was my porn addiction that didn’t make me feel a lot of attraction towards adults when having sex. Then I started working at the daycare and I loved hanging out with the kids and I loved taking care of them whenever I could. I knew that I was always good at babysitting and that I thought that maybe my career path was meant to be a teacher. Then I started to wonder if maybe I liked hanging out with kids to much. If maybe I liked their hugs more than I should. What if I wasn’t having a teacher student relationship with them but if I wanted something more. It got so I bad that I broke up with my boyfriend and I made it very adamant to him that it wasn’t his fault and that he deserved more. Then I wondered if I liked the relationship at all. Then I wondered if I liked hanging out with the kids more than my boyfriend. As soon as I found an out I quit my job. Now all of my thoughts are coming in as groinal responses and urges to test myself to see if all of these are just thoughts or something more and I can’t believe that I wanted to hurt kids like this. Everytime an adult looks at me now or asks me questions I keep thinking they are just looking at me because they want to laugh and point at me when I’m not looking. I never liked people my age or of any age and now I’m convinced I only like children. I hate this I hate this so much but now I’m wondering if I always liked it and I’m just forcing myself to hate it or if ocd is an excuse so I can go and test my attraction and I don’t want to. I keep hitting myself in hopes it will help me want to stop but now I can’t tell anymore. I really want my life to be over I can’t handle this.