Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi ocd family. I just wanted to post this so people can comment positivity or their overcoming stories for those of us having a hard time or struggling. Thank you 🫶🏼

I am recovering well, but what gets me is seeing stories about people coming out after having SO-OCD. Forgive me if I am being ignorant but it kind of annoys me that people share this information knowing how triggering it is. As ridiculous as that sounds. It makes me feel really sad, I feel very in love with my partner, but what if I’m the same as these later in life lesbians and just love and care for him as a friend? 🙁

I had sex with a guy who works at my gym. It took a year for us to finally do it. The interaction we had after was cool and sweet but I saw him again after that and idk he’s acting a little cold and not flirty at all or how he usually is. It’s bothering me so much but it’s just my ego that’s bruised. I feel used and I don’t know I wanted to cry last time I saw him. He’s ten years younger than me. I kinda wanna cancel my membership. I have to remember that his reaction to me is his own stuff not mine. I have been nothing but kind to him so that’s on him if he wants to be cold but still, it hurts. It’s my ego. I don’t like rejection

I thought some people might find it interesting to learn a little more about how OCD works in the human brain. There’ll be some neuroscience jargon in this post but I’ll try to phrase things so that the lingo doesn’t get in the way what I’m going to say. Several brain regions have been linked to OCD. It’s not a simple disorder at all. Many areas involved are near the front of the brain in the prefrontal cortex, such as the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). The ACC is involved in self-reflection, emotional responses, evaluating rewarding behaviors, etc. People with OCD tend to have overactive ACCs. Other parts of the brain involved in OCD include the basal ganglia, the supplementary motor area (SMA), and the thalamus. The basal ganglia are involved in motor commands and error detection. They “filter out” unnecessary or unhelpful movement commands that everyone’s brain automatically sends down to this area. In OCD, it’s thought that the basal ganglia are not as good at recognizing errors, meaning they perceive many more errors than someone without OCD would. This also explains why many people have the urge to do repetitive behaviors, since the basal ganglia filter movement commands. The SMA initiates plans for future movement before these plans even move down to reach the basal ganglia. New studies have found that abnormalities in the SMA may be the cause of some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The thalamus is like a hub in your brain for transporting stimuli. Things your body perceives pass up through the thalamus to be sent to different parts of the brain, and thoughts that your brain generates pass down through the thalamus to be sent out to the body. Think of it like grand central station in your brain. People with OCD often have larger-than-usual thalami, possibly meaning that stronger signals of error can be sent throughout the brain. On a final note, there seems to be a big missing puzzle piece in treating OCD. In order to explain this missing piece, you need to know the difference between neurotransmitters like serotonin, and different regions of your brain, like the basal ganglia or the prefrontal cortex. There are MANY different brain regions that are separately named because they do different things. However, all activity in your brain comes from what neurotransmitters do. While there are tons of different brain regions, there are only so many neurotransmitters. So the same handful of hormones and chemicals work in the many different areas of the brain to cause all the things you experience and do. The most common medication therapy for OCD today is to take an SSRI, a type of medication that acts on serotonin. While serotonin is certainly involved in OCD, the missing puzzle piece comes from dopamine. The basal ganglia, which seem to play a BIG part in OCD, use the neurotransmitter dopamine to operate. Further, dopamine is responsible for movement, which includes repetitive behaviors. Medications that increase dopamine activity (adderall, etc) ridiculously worsen OCD symptoms. So part of the reason why current medication treatments for OCD probably don’t quite cut it is because serotonin is not the only player in causing OCD symptoms to manifest. I’m not suggesting self medication by any means, but hopefully future treatments will target dopamine as well as serotonin. I hope you found this interesting, and that I didn’t make it too hard to follow. I love talking about the brain, so if you find it intriguing, lmk! Also check out this article about a “loop of wrongness” in OCD. I found it super interesting. https://www.michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/stuck-loop-wrongness-brain-study-shows-roots-ocd#:~:text=Put%20simply%2C%20the%20study%20suggests,if%20they%20know%20they%20should.

Lauv (@ lauvsongs on ig) posted a reel that was really long winded - in part of it he mentioned he said he's been struggling with OCD and anxiety for a long time and obsessive thoughts about his sexuality and how he felt like they weren't real but now he does (?) and wants to be open he's gonna explore that side of himself. As someone who struggled with soocd it was a bit triggering to hear

I struggle so much even calling them “false memories”. I prefer “unsure memories”, because if they are real, I want to at least try and take accountability for them. Hell, even calling them unsure memories makes me feel bad, like I’m making a convenient excuse so I don’t have to face the awful things I’ve done. They feel so real, but I would be lying if I said I was 100% positive they happened. I can just see them so clearly, how could they not be real? (Also, I’ve actually done so many awful things that it’s hard to logically rule out with “oh I would never do that”.) Sorry for the vent, I’m just feeling pretty distressed.

Lately my OCD has seemingly latched onto specific people. The person of subject changes continuously but this has been going on everyday for the past 2 months. I get intrusive images of this person in my head, followed by groinals (the images aren’t even always sexual) but sometimes I get weird sensations throughout my body aswell and I’m just in a constant state of discomfort. I feel like I’ve literally lost my mind, like I should be in an insane asylum or something. I love my girlfriend so much, I’ve always been so comfortable in my sexuality and content with my life… But ever since this anxiety and ocd resurfaced in May I’ve just felt like I can focus on nothing else. I’m tired, I’m frustrated and above all I’m confused as to what the hell is happening to me… Im so disgusted and ashamed of myself for having these thoughts and images plague my mind followed my strong groinal feelings that are immensely uncomfortable.

Fear of not being able to get to the bathroom in time is ruining my life.

I'm really struggling today, I've had OCD diagnosed for around 12 years and it comes and goes but recently I'm experiencing some of the biggest waves I've ever had. I have a 2 year old daughter and I love her with everything I have, she's my absolute world but the OCD centres around her and it's really intensified recently. I try not to avoid anything but my OCD is saying to just try it out, just once, to see if I like it then I'll know for sure. I'm sat here in floods of tears because I'm so scared. What if I do? I don't want to harm her in any way at all, but my OCD just keeps saying I need to try. I brushed it away yesterday saying yea, yea OCD whatever you say we'll try tomorrow and now tomorrow is here my brain is just making me feel like I have to, to know for certain and I'm scared. I want to call the Samaritans but I'm scared they'll think I'm a risk to my daughter and lock me up. I'm so tired of feeling this way, just scared all the time that I'm going to give in and just try it once to shut the OCD up but I feel sick at the thought. Someone help me please.

Ive been on a setback for 2 weeks, but this is different. Since thousday i cant sleep well cause i have weird and scary/emotional dreams and i wake up feeling so bad. I dont feel like myself throughout the day, i cant find myself and even if i find it feels like i have to put so much effort and power to be myself that it exhaust me... i became so angry and irritated, i talk agressively and negatively with people, i view myself negatively, and i cant be myself, i hate this. I dont feel that distance between me and ocd, a week ago i did and i even got praised by someone that im on a good path for recovery... and now i feel guilt cause i just lost it... again when i try to see that im not ocd i just fight and it becomes meta-ocd... I just feel so sad and dissapointed, i want my old self back. Now even doing recovery work frustrates me and im getting angrier which doesnt help at all... and these fckn dreams... it just tires me... these dreams arent even about my ocd themes.

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?

So.... I have a very weird newfound obsession. I'm gay, have been since forever. Came out in high school, now in my late 20s. I'm a feminine woman, attracted to women who are more masc/tomboy. My current obsession that I keep having racing thoughts about is that the women I date are not actually attracted to me, because I'm femme. It started a couple weeks ago, I started thinking about how I've never been attracted to a femme in the same way that I've never been attracted to a man. Since I was young, I've always just been into tomboy girls. Now I'm freaking out and panicking thinking what if none of them were ever actually attracted to me because they're not attracted to femmes either? I know it's dumb and I know I have been in the most beautiful and loving relationships with my previous partners. But I can't stop trying to "prove" to myself that it's possible to be a masc woman who's attracted to femme women and it had doubting that anyone I date is actually going to be attracted to me. I have literally been thinking nonstop about past events and moments that "prove" that my past partners have been attracted to me. Has anyone else ever had this? It's such a weird new one that I've never dealt with.

I need help. So harm OCD is a relatively new theme for me. It’s only been happening the last few days, but it sucks. I’m taking Prozac for anxiety and I’m about 3 1/2 weeks in, so these intrusive thoughts don’t cause a lot of anxiety as much as they do just general discomfort. I can feel the anxiety start to take hold a little, but it’s mostly just discomfort and disgust in my head that I’m having these thoughts which makes it worse because there’s no anxiety so I think “do I like these thoughts?” or “do I actually want to do this?” Like today I’m making carne asada tacos and suddenly the thought pops into my head “this is human meat” and I had to check the label on the meat to make sure. Then I have a knife cutting it and my dad says something and I thought “what if that annoys me” and then the thought of stabbing him came into my head which sucked. I think this has to do with the fact that I saw a preview for the Dahmer series on Netflix and got anxiety at the urge to watch it. I’ve never been a violent person and that makes these thoughts worse. I feel like I’m a psychopath or some repressed killer who is losing their mind. Please help

Hi! I'm presently questioning if I may be autistic. I definitely have OCD. I'm an AFAB, genderqueer person and I know autism can manifest differently for "females". I have tried to read about ocd and autism but I can't find what I'm looking for. I feel like I understand autism and relate to multiple aspects of it, but I am specifically looking for unique experience of OCD and autism comorbidity. Like how can autism manifest differently in people with and without OCD. What are some unique traits in the comorbidity that can be overlooked by some professionals? How does the autistic+OCD experience can vary or differ that isn't typically attributed to autistic people? And how to identify if I'm autistic while there are things that can exist in both diagnosis? I want to hear from people with both diagnosis (or self-diagnosis) please and preferably people who were late-diagnosed. I would love to have some reading on studies that were made specifically to understand the unique aspects of comorbidity or maybe even YouTube channels from people speaking about the experience of the comorbidity/ the experience of late diagnosis of autism in OCD sufferers. Thanks a lot ❤️

For ERP, I’m basically supposed to just “assume” I have something wrong with me and not do compulsions. But I can’t use any kind of truth or logic as that is reassurance. Okay, well if I do that and assume the worst, I feel no joy and I’m thinking my life is over. How am I supposed to navigate this during ERP? Living life on eggshells and essentially a timer even though this is probably just ocd and anxiety at work?? I’m so down right now.

What are some ways that have helped you overcome the fear that your child will be abused/SA? If you are a survivor of childhood abuse/SA—Do you feel that fear is worse because you’re a survivor? Thank you in advance! I became a parent this year & since my child has reached 2-3 months these fears have been eating me alive. As a survivor myself, I feel my trust level is on 0 because of my abuser.

Another attempt at dating, another painful rejection. The rage I feel is compounding, with the furious agony of each rejection stacking up on top of the last.

I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.

I’ve had Harm OCD in the past and with ERP and CBT I’ve got it in check. About 3 years ago it returned with a theme of suicide (we lost a friend to it and a few months later it triggered). I’m in peri menopause and that didn’t help. I’ve been having ERP since April and I keep relapsing. I’ll have a good patch and do some exposures then hit a rough patch and my exposures go out the window. Always at the same hurdle ‘what if it’s not OCD and these are actual thoughts about harming myself’. What if the exposures make me worse. Then I get down about the relapse and think the depressed feelings must mean I really am at risk. And all the compulsions kick back in. Has anyone else experienced repeated relapses with ERP? I find it so hard to manage the up and down.

so, i’m in this relationship which is the healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in, he treats me well, he loves me, he is supportive of my struggles as he shares some of them, even if it isn’t full blown like mine are, but my brain out of fear of what could come, is shutting down my feelings. my ocd is known for locking down my feelings about anything, putting them in a cage so i become numb, allowing the hurt to be less once someone leaves or gets tired of me. but i don’t want my relationship ruined out of fear, i’ve had a few that ended due to me never being able to stop the intrusive thoughts about them leaving, hell some even got exhausted or annoyed by trying to reassure me that they aren’t gonna leave, so they left anyway. i don’t want to lose my relationship with my bf as i truly do want a future with him, but my ocd fear paralysis is stopping me from tapping into how deep my feelings actually are for him and it makes me really sad. i also had a bad dream about him ending up with someone else and since then, i’ve been extra worried. but it’s an inner worry as that’s happened before to me. my ocd is manifesting into more than worries and i don’t want this relationship also ruined when it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but my ocd is constantly scared. does anyone else also struggle with it?