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I am feeling very calm I am on zoloft almost 2 months and I think that it works..my muscle are little tired but I don't care Do you think that I will se a bigger improvement?

I have schiz ocd, which triggered after I’ve read a lot about the ilness (dumb me). That happened after a THC cart panic attack. On my way home I had my first HOCD and 2 weeks later, after reading about psychosis , it switched to schiz ocd. I don’t have any more HOCD, but I would rather have it instead of the new one. I got over every other aspect of this ocd (hallucinations, flat affect , etc), but I can’t get over delusions. The problem is, I get every single delusion I’ve read about. Sometimes those “fake” delusions feel very very real, like I almost believe them. When I am calmer I can easily label them as nonsense. And that could sometimes be even minutes later. Sometimes I spiral very hard and I caught myself even telling to me things like “this is not true in reality, it is just psychosis that is making you think those things”. I use to have days without such bad moments, but there are also days that it is extremely overwhelming. Could someone please tell me, is it normal for ocd thoughts to sometimes feel much more real and sometimes not? Like depending on the mix of anxiety, fear , spiralling and etc at the moment? Also I need to mention that I’ve never had even the slightest such thought ever before reading about it. I think this is my first ocd theme, although I had some minor ocd traits for many years before.

I feel as though my contamination ocd is only progressing into more draining and irrational routines. It started off as excessive handwashing - now it's disinfecting every surface of my room because of the thought of flying lint touching something contaminated therefore touching everything in my room. Its so exhausting. I feel as though the world is ending if something is unclean or dirty according to my OCD. Its making me feel like I'm going crazy, I've been looking on this app for anyone with similar experiences but it's no use :(

TLDR: stressed and emotional 24/7. Current fixations on anaphylaxis and choking. Lost 5 pounds in a week bc I’m not eating well as a compulsion. Dealing with a slew of health issues too exacerbated by outdoor allergies. got prescribed: Zyrtec, Flonase, singular, azelastine, and 50 mg prednisone no taper. Gaslighted myself over the prednisone and didn’t start it bc ocd. I am overwhelmed and exhausted 26 (F) I have Ptsd and ocd which is real nice way of saying, ocd is the aggressor and ptsd just has to make the choice to interact or not. It’s worse when they are both flared up at the same time, that’s never fun. I’ve been on this site intermittently, I really only come back when ocd is completely flared bc it’s nice to have community. People who don’t have problems don’t really post, you know how the saying goes. Well, I’ve been due for an ocd flare up. I haven’t had one in about a year. I have days where it’s hard but I consider flare ups to be ocd that lasts more than a week. I’ve been in a flare up for about three weeks now. I have outside stressors going on like my job is high maintenance and my partner and I aren’t getting along rn. I’ve been unwell since December, like constant sinus infections and then tonsillitis and then Covid (for the 2nd time) and then a summer cold. So I’m not used to being healthy this year. I suspect I’m also long hauling again from Covid. So I’ve got a lot of inflammation. I got allergy tested and tested positive to every tree, grass and a few weeds. So they think that’s why I’ve been getting so sick. I got diagnosed with asthma even though I don’t have any physical symptoms other than chest tightness and shortness of breath. I have a rescue inhaler with albuterol, I just broke down and finally started taking Flonase for my allergies, I’m on 10mg of cetirizine, and I’m gonna start singular tonight. My current ocd fixations are on choking and anaphylaxis. I’m scared to eat if I’m not around people for these reasons. For the past two months, when I eat certain things my throat gets so tight and I get so much mucus in my throat that it never comes up and it’s hard to swallow. Like a post nasal drip, so that’s where anaphylaxis started coming in. It’s not uncommon for to develop food allergies in my family later on in life. So now after everything I eat I’m like this is it, this is how I go out, despite only having the throat sensitivity. My allergist thinks it’s acid reflux but I have no other symptoms. He doesn’t think it’s food allergies or sensitivities at all. I wish he would just give me an food allergy test so I would just know. Long story just to give where I’m struggling: This week I’ve been going through an “asthma” flare up. I had to use my inhaler for the first time in my life. I got in with my allergist bc I was worried about it so that’s how Flonase and singular started. He thinks it’s an acute case. He also prescribed Azelastine nose spray and told me to take all of that and my cetrizine. He also prescribed 50 mg of prednisone once a day no taper, just in case. Now I was supposed to start today, but I chickened out. I couldn’t do it. I got too scared bc of the side effects. I already suffer from insomnia and I’m going through an ocd flare up. I don’t need anymore adrenal stress. Im sure my body is flooding with cortisol as it is. I gaslighted myself and told myself I’m not that bad. What if it was never asthma and just anxiety/long haul symptoms? Bc even he wasn’t sure it was an asthma attack that I was having bc my flow meter and lung function test were still within normal ranges. There’s so much I don’t understand about my allergies and asthma. I’ve literally lost 5 pounds in 1 week bc I’m barely eating. Im so scared I’m going to react to everything I eat now. I cry all of the time because I’m so stressed. I cried at work. I cried to the allergy doctor. I cried bc what if I’m allergic to my cats and I have to get rid of them? Im so exhausted. I leave for a trip in a week to a convention that I’ve waited all year to go to and I’m about to ruin it for myself if I can’t get a grip on this. I don’t know what to do. Im tired of meds but I’m tired of not taking the meds bc I’m scared. It’s such a vicious cycle. Im getting back in with EMDR starting next week bc that’s what calmed it down the last time. I know there are people that are struggling more long haul and allergies than I am. So this is nothing in comparison. I don’t want to be how I was last time. Last really bad flare up I had I was agoraphobic for three months and it was in tandem with PTSD and I was so scared of getting drugged that I didn’t eat. While this is similar, it’s not that bad yet. Im just tired and want relief. Thanks for listening to my rant if you stuck around this long.

I’m so worried. I keep having anxiety while sleeping and waking up and having horrible nightmares related to my OCD. Now I’m afraid to sleep and my health OCD keeps saying there are other reasons for it too. I’m so scared and anxious, do other people deal with this? I haven’t really slept in days

Feel really hopeless and a failure with this stuff. 36 yo man. First intrusive thought that stuck bad (25 ROCD). After 6 months of obsessing, turned into SOOCD. Suffered ever since. What does it feel like? - instant zero ability to find drive, joy, libido, happiness. Replaced by one overwhelming obsessive subject. - feels like 24/7 anxiety in the same way you’d feel if you had to do something you really didn’t want to do? - feels like I don’t believe it’s OCD, despite being diagnosed. Like my brain doesn’t believe it or won’t? - feels like everything is turned into ‘evidence’ to prove the obsession true. - feels like I’m lying to myself. In denial. That I want it. That it’s true. - feels like I don’t know who I am anymore. Or what I even want. It’s like pre-obsession me (normal) and post obsession me. My psych tells me treatment is: - identify the compulsions physical and mental (mostly mental) and I’ve done that. - identify triggers, ideas that bring on all the negative feelings. I’ve done that. - acknowledge the thoughts/feelings as they come, treat them as noise, create distance between them, and don’t engage with them further. REALLY STRUGGLING - purposefully use the triggers to get you to the point of negative feelings and don’t engage. HAVENT STARTED Why do I not believe this is OCD? Why is my brain believing the obsession? Why is my brain using everything as evidence to prove the obsession true? Why can’t I find the motivation to take the leap of faith into full treatment? :/

Does anyone get jealous when their bc is friends with another girl? Even if it’s a friends gf? Could that be ocd?

y’all this is so unbelievably stupid but somehow my brain is making me obsess over this 😭. okay so the other day i was playing fortnite with my guy friend. we were spamming a bunch of emotes to each other and he did this one emote where u can hug each other and so i hugged him. through a game. and suddenly my brain was like “dude you are so unfaithful to your partner” LIKE?? ugh guys. omfg. im trying so hard not to seek reassurance on this but i NEED help on this one. ive been fighting the urge to confess to my partner that i did this and i have a feeling he will be upset 😭 i know for a fact im not attracted to my male friend and i would never look at him as anything more than a friend. i feel like confessing this to my partner would just make things worse for him, but it would make me feel better, because it feels like im hiding something from him. does that make sense? i feel so stupid for obsessing over this but UGHHHH. idk if i should tell him or not.

Well I went to my therapist and she told me I have these thoughts because I’m bored , and that I’m emotionally cheating on my boyfriend .

I’ve been going through a lot of problems with my partner the past couple months. about three weeks ago we “broke up” on our own terms where we didn’t have any set rules and it was kind of a mess. i would have really bad days or periods of time that i didn’t wanna be together at all or have to respond to them. then i would feel so bad and remorseful and wonder what they possibly could have done wrong to deserve these feelings from me. last week we broke up for good, with enforced no contact rules and we’ve unfollowed each other on everything. the day after this happened i felt a lot of relief that at least i didn’t have to think about it anymore. the day after i was mostly okay but at one point felt like i was on the edge of a heart attack and just felt so heavy and couldn’t stand it and missed them so much. the next day i was unrealistically fine and was trying everything to distract myself, reaching out to people, setting up hang outs for the next day/upcoming week, trying to reconnect with past people, basically doing way too much. i had a carefree attitude about it even though i knew deep down it was all a distraction. on days like these i refrain from getting on this app because i don’t want to have to deal with the possibility that i just need to work on this relationship. today is the day after that and i’ve been a mess. i miss them so much and feel as though i’ve made a big mistake. i know that i cant act on these feelings just as much as i shouldn’t act on negative ones about my partner, because the whole reason we broke up for good was so that there wouldn’t be a constant back and forth. i know i need to just sit with this discomfort for more than just a day because my feelings could change tomorrow. the main question i’m struggling with is, if they were right for me, would i really be debating it this much and seriously? is this just a bad time in my life? if anyone has any words or advice i’d love to hear it. more context if you wanna read: i’ve had so many struggles that i’ve been through with this person, one being that our parents didn’t approve/let us date until we both turned 18. there’s a lot of back and forth in my mind about this, “were we so distracted in fighting other people that we didn’t realize we weren’t right for each other?” and “how can it be wrong when we went through so much together?” and on the other hand “what if because of the huge switch in the root of our problems (from outside conflict to internal conflict with each other) that it just felt so different and it caused me to re-evaluate everything instead of just taking it as it was?” this is my first relationship with someone of the same sex. i’ve had a lot of internalized homophobia throughout this relationship, obvious or not, and it may also show up in some of my reasonings. i have a lot of predispositions of what life is “supposed to be” for me, what kind of person i am “supposed to end up with.” this causes me to internalize thoughts about things like our race, our sizes, our masculinity/femininity balance. throughout all of these things, they have seemed to see clearer than me, realizing that they like me as a person so why would any of that matter (outside of their own personal insecurities). some of this has to do with me worrying about how other people will see me, as well as how good or perfect i see the relationship myself behind closed doors. another thing i’ve noticed is that i tend to be too focused on how i’m perceived by them and not on just being in the moment and perceiving them. in other words, i’m always actively trying to be someone who is worthy of being in love with, and not enjoying the person i have in front of me. this makes me feel like i’m more in love with myself than i am with them. because of the disapproval from my parents, we were forced/encouraged to hang out a lot less, maybe once or twice a week. i missed them and wanted to hang out more and took that opportunity when it presented itself, but i realized that i may have loved the space/breaks more than i realized. my partner was the opposite, and would’ve already moved in with me if given the chance. this made me think that we were just not compatible in that area, and should find people who want to be around each other the same amount. we are going to the same college as freshmen in less than a week, and when we were together and there for orientation, i had a really hard time sitting with the idea that we would be there together so much. the first night was so fun and i loved spending all day with them, but it got harder as time went on, so much that i psyched myself into thinking i never even liked this person and hardly know them, and it felt like i gad woken up from a fever dream and was forced to give up my independence and share a life with this person forever. (obviously this is soooo extreme and no one was wanting to trap me.) we were never even going to room together for the actual college and planned on waiting for the step of moving in, however those three days really scared me. things that HAVE stayed constant in my mind are that i genuinely love this person, i want what’s best for them, and i don’t regret the relationship for what it was. overall, all of these things that i’ve had doubts over make me feel like 1)it shouldn’t be this hard to be in a relationship and 2)they don’t deserve someone who can’t make up their mind about the relationship. should we stay broken up for sure and i’ll just have to appreciate the relationship for what it was at the time and get over my regrets and wondering if i lost an amazing partner? or should i be holding out hope for a longer future with them?

I feel guilty because everything reminds me of my ex, and i have a bf this year we are hitting 5 years together. Idk if this is rocd related, but for some time everything reminds me of my ex, but specially songs. For example, we have a trip planned for next year and i feel scared to go because it’s where i use to live before, and my ex use to live around, and i dont want to go because i dont want to remember things, or get images of him and us while we were together. And it affects me as well as how i am in the relationship, i distance myself and for some reason treat my bf different because of how i feel and these thoughts, i feel like a liar, and it makes me sad that my bf has to go through all this

Well recently I've had intrusive thoughts about kissing other men and that become compulsion for testing, and while doing it feels like I have the actual urge and desire to do it with same sex sometimes even feels like it is pleasurable but not sure if it is that or not, because it feels like that the first time but afterwards it's like my mind realizes it's a man who I'm kissing in my thought and I stop getting these feelings. Also the first time it happened my mind made me feel like I enjoyed it and had a feeling that it was my first true kiss because the first time I kissed a girl I didn't feel this but it is so confusing because it feels like it's not real I don't even know how to describe the feeling. I may be confusing feelings and it might not be enjoyable but I'm really confused about this. Anyone has any insight?

I cant find a good answer to the problem of evil and it just makes me angry and to have a bad relazionship with God... i thought he can protect us from bad things, there are alot of stories where God protected people he loved, and you learn there that we christians dont have to be afraid, but then you learn that God doesnt helps you always, you can lose everything, your love ones, every family member, like Job, and you get the answer that its Gods plan to make you better, or that God cant interfere on free will... then how powerful is he? Are we really safe? If we only be safe in heaven then why we are here? God lets you suffer so you will lean on Him... thats so morbid...idk i start to lose my faith on how good is God, and see it like he throw us all to devils arms to see who will turn to him... My last post is more specific on what i deal rn... i thought God makes us feel safe, build us stronger not manipulate us to lean on Him by letting horrible things happen to us...

Is it possible to recover from ROCD and intrusive thoughts while being in a relationship? I’ve been really open with my boyfriend about my mental health and it has been hard on him but he’s been with me every step of the way but I know in more ways than one me experiencing this has deeply changed and damaged our relationship, even tho he knows it’s not my fault. i always feel so much guilt and regardless of my ocd our relationship has a lot of problems but it all just started when i started going through this and I’ve tried so hard to hold on all this time because I love him so much and he loves me too. I just don’t know if and how I can do this with another person when. I can barely get through the day myself and I also hate hurting him.

I feel like throughout my teens into my early adult years I did or said stuff that that makes me a monster. My most recent trigger is a memory involving rping in a roleplay server where minors were present. I won’t excuse myself for what I think I did, but I feel like I put inappropriate context for things where I shouldn’t have and made a complete mockery of what I believe now.

I have been feeling good but there’s a new girl that started at our job( bf and I work in the same building) and I think she’s pretty. I saw them talking and got really jealous ( they work in the same department) but I told him and he said I have nothing to worry about but I can’t stop thinking that he’s cheating on me or spending time with her when he hasn’t hung out with me… any tips ?!?! I’m going crazy

so, new ocd subtype unlocked for myself:. unfortunately… the other night i went out with friends drinks. had like the BEST night ever. yet, one of their friends was this pretty cute guy. we chatted and joked around throughout the night. on our way out, i vaguely remember him coming up behind and putting his hand on my lower back like guiding me out. and i remember in the moment liking that. but, after that i was talking to my friend and was like yeah i think i need to somehow slip into conversation im i’m a relationship bc i think he may be into me (he also mentioned in a prior conversation he was wanting someone to like share his life with and he’s like 75% happy but 25% lonely or some shit. and i was just like ah i get that. didn’t really know how to respond to that) anywho, we ended up disbanding and going home as the bars were closing. and so my friends drove me home, and i remember saying tell the guy that i am indeed not single and in a relationship so sucks to be him. i think i said sucks to be him? i’m not 100% sure. i ended up crying to my friend i was staying with bc i felt like i cheated on my bf bc i was attracted to this guy, joking w him and talking to him, and liked that he put his hand on my back. she assured me these are all normal things. but i can’t help but feel very guilty. and then i spiral and think. what if he did something that was more sexual. what would i have done. would i have stopped it? and i keep rechecking every interaction to the best i can remember, and i know i never touched him or wanted to touch him (except once i stopped myself from putting my hand on his arm while talking, which is something normal i do when drunk w my friends. but i do remember thinking no that’s too much) and i know that i had the intrusive thought of what if we kissed but i remember just being like wtf. i had no thoughts or intent of trying to do anything with him. it was purely this guy is attractive and i like the attention he’s giving me. like no sexual thoughts at all in the moment. it’s only now i’m thinking like what if he tried this would i have said no. i know i wouldn’t have initiated anything bc it wasn’t even a thought. so i’m very hung up on would i have said something if he came onto me. when he touched my back i do remember being like “i don’t even know you’re name” but i can’t remember if that was me being genuinely curious or trying to shut that down. the fact that i was the drunkest i’ve been in a while is not helping. and i think since i never got the chance to tell him i was in a relationship, i’m spiraling abt what he could’ve done and what my response would’ve been. but i also told my friend TWICE that i needed to tell him. so it’s like, why am i having such a hard time trusting myself???? i can’t imagine ever doing anything but it’s the what ifs that are making me spiral. what if i was drunk enough. what if i actually wanted to. what if i didn’t say anything if he did try something. this is really eating me up because i feel like a terrible partner. i’m trying to tell myself there’s so much that happens between thoughts and actual cheating. but what if !?? logically i know i would have spoken up, because i have in the past in other times. but bc i didn’t get the chance to.. i think is what’s making me spiral. does anyone else experience similar experiences when drinking, and how do you cope? this is why i stick to just dancing when i drink, no room for social interactions 🤦‍♀️

I have a talent for singing and it’s been what my life has been about since forever. My religious mother once told me “you should only use it for God since he gave it to you, if you don’t you’ll be punished.” and “one day you’ll wake up and your voice will be gone, and you’ll be like everyone else.” For the next 9 years I went on to be scared of everything I did, wondering if that would be the reason I would lose my voice and my talent and then I’d have nothing and BE nothing. In my little 7 year old mind, I interpreted that as “you’re nothing without it and God can choose to make you nothing if you mess up.” So now, I live in constant fear that one day God will punish me by taking away the one thing that makes me ‘something’. Today, my little brother started singing and I could hear that it was good. For some reason I began to get so scared that I had a panic attack, thinking I was going to be replaced. I have severe abandonment issues so I always thought I had to preform or do something amazing to deserve love, and singing was that thing. I was so scared that this fear I felt made me narcissistic I began to shove my own feelings down in a way to deny it and prove that thought wrong. I’m not sure what I should do, I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this, but I feel like an absolute monster for feeling this way about it. Now my OCD won’t let me rest and keeps telling me that I’m such a narcissist for being “jealous” even though I’m just terrified that I’m going to be forgotten. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?? Can anyone help me? I’m just at a loss right now.

How can you tell the difference between your gut instinct that something is wrong or OCD?

Hi there, this is my first post. I graduated college last summer, and have been living in my parents basement (cliche I know) while saving up some money to move out. My bedroom has been in the basement since I was 8 years old and we have never once had any issues with critters until now. Yesterday morning I heard scratching coming from my closed bedroom (I don’t sleep in there but that’s a whole different story lol). I thought I had closed my cat in the night before by accident when I was doing some laundry so I opened the door to check. She wasn’t in there, but sound carries easily in my house so I figured she must be trapped somewhere else and I could just hear her. I left my door open (it is usually open anyways) and go upstairs. I found her in the garage, so I assumed I was right about the noise and moved on. Hours later, I go back downstairs to finish up my laundry. I was sorting things when I saw a mouse out of the corner of my eye and completely lost it. My stepdad immediately went to the store to get some traps. He set them up for me and we barricaded the basement door. We scheduled an appointment with an exterminator so they can come assess the situation. At this point there is nothing I can do, and I know this, but the thoughts won’t stop. My mind has been racing ever since. When did this start? How many are there? Have I been living with them without knowing? Is there an entire outbreak? Will one get upstairs? Are they already upstairs? Are they in the walls? Will I get sick? Will I die? Will all my things be ruined? EVERYTHING I own is in that basement. All my furniture from college, my clothes, my shoes, even sentimental things from my childhood are down there. Again, I was 8 when I got my room in the basement, so when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. I don’t know how to cope with this at all. I am terrified just being here at home. I can’t stop thinking about what is happening in the basement. I can’t shake the thought that at this very moment my belongings are being stepped on, peed on, and pooped on by animals that harbor deadly diseases. Even when the situation is handled and there are no more things living down there, how will I know for sure? I was going to move out next month, but now all my stuff has been contaminated! How will I clean everything? What am I going to do? I have very severe contamination OCD and just recently switched my medication, so I am still adjusting. This could not have happened at a worse possible time. Obviously this situation would be bad for anyone, but my OCD makes it even worse. The people in my life are trying to help make me feel better, and they understand why I’m upset, but don’t fully grasp the absolute panic I’m feeling. I just wanted to write about my situation in a place where other people may have a better understanding of how I’m feeling. Sorry for the long rant and if you made it this far thanks for reading. :)